Me? Sexualizing My Own Trauma To Get Attention? Its More Likely Than You Think.

me? sexualizing my own trauma to get attention? it’s more likely than you think.

Jean Jacques Lequeu, Et nous aussi nous serons meres (1794)

Desiderium

Also available on ao3

It’s funny how you can regret something while you’re still in the middle of doing it.

It’s funny how you can regret something and still keep wanting it so badly.

It’s funny how you can know, intellectually, that you should not have showed up at Potter’s party and fucked him senseless in an empty bathroom on the third floor.

And yet here you are, giving it to him the way you know he wants it the most.

And yet here you are, slamming your cock into him again, and again.

And again.

Whispering filthy words in his ear. Revelling in the moans you draw out of him. Filled with pride at the knowledge that he wants this enough to risk the entire world knowing of his dirty little secret.

You should’ve walked away the first time. Should’ve done it while you still had the chance — the strength — to do so. You already know that, but you’re in too deep now. You’re in too deep and you don’t know how to get out. You don’t know if you even want to.

Because in a twisted, debauched sort of way it feels so good, it always does. It feels incredible

every

          single

                      time

                                that you push into him.

Every single time that he shows you how much he wants you to.

Because you know he doesn’t want you, not really. And you know he’d never choose you, not in the way that matters.

So you bite.

And you scratch.

And you tell him how much you loathe him.

And you tell him how dirty he is.

And you fuck him rougher than you’ve ever done with anyone else.

And you suck him off better than anyone else could, because you’re the best, aren’t you? You’re the best and you’ll never

ever

let him forget that.

You’ll never ever let him forget how high you’re able to take him. How hard he’ll fall if you were to let go.

You want to wreck him, you need to break him, tear him down, piece by piece. You want to show him his rightful place, because you can’t admit to yourself that he’s already got your heart.

Because you can’t stand the thought of someone else having him.

And yet, as you come inside him, leaving panting breaths like kisses on his skin;

And yet, as he clenches around you, your name a muffled groan behind his hand;

You desperately block out the feeling that what you regret the most is giving your heart away to someone who doesn’t want it.

And the funniest of it all is how you still tell yourself that

you

          are not

                        in love.

~ * ~ * ~

Written as my last prompt for @gameofdrarry . Thank you to the ever amazing @etalice for betning this. Apparently I’m still not over my fic I’ll never be your chosen one that I wrote over a year ago so when I got the prompt to include the theme of regret, I had to do a drabble in this verse. 

THANK YOU I LOVE IT AND I LOVE YOU!

Hi!! Have you done ren sakakibara yet?? I'd love to see what you come up with for the shrewd poet!!!

I hope this is alright? I can always make a more poetic one if you like? I really enjoyed making this one! ❤

If I was a man I'd be accused of mansplaining but in reality I think everybody else is just stupid and I'm the epitome of knowledge

How does dabi drink??? Doesn't the liquid just fall in between the staples on the sides of his mouth????