Chumpsview:

chumpsview:

and another :) 

 WTF!

OMFG!

So, someone saw Eclipse and DIED! Just died in the cinema. The cleaners found him the next day.

This leaeds to a few thoughts:

Which cinema?

Which chair?

It was in the front row? I am never sitting in the front row.

OMG did I know him?

Twilight movies cause death

If I see this film, I might die

Shit. I should stop washing my sugar down with whiskey

The Room - a poorly attempted review

This post is dedicated to the friend who gave me his spare ticket. I would say more nice words but his ego is big enough and I already bought him a chicken kebab.

Holy shit, Tommy Wiseau. Holy shit.

On Saturday night I was lucky enough to get a ticket to see The Room. This is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I’m gonna frame my ticket. Holy shit.

The Room is described as “the Citizen Kane of bad movies.” Audiences all over the world have gathered together to touch base with their inner bitches and laugh at this film. It’s so bad that it came out the other end and is now cinematic gold.

The Room is the world’s most hilariously confusing soft-core mystery-porn. Who knew that was a genre? I would give a breakdown of the plot but I honestly don’t know what the fuck happened. There was a love triangle. There were framed spoons in the background (of course I’m not kidding). There was a football. There was boning and it was awkward. Things didn’t make any damn sense.

The three primary actors are Johnny (Tommy Wiseau), Lisa (Juliette Danielle) and Mark (Greg Sestero). Johnny is the main character. He has an accent that I can’t place. The best description I can think of is Arnold Schwarzenegger: drunk and high. Mark is his best friend and we know this because it gets repeated. A lot. Lisa is Johnny’s “hot” fiancé but is cheating on him with Mark. Lisa is probably my favourite character out of the lot. Think of the 3 trashiest towns in your area. She is a combination of their finest, but with a super special extra dose of crazy. At one point it’s announced that she is pregnant, but she then back tracks and says that she made it up because she was bored. BORED! Ahahahaha!

It’s like Tommy Wiseau wanted to make a film about the Dawson-Joey-Pacey love triangle from Dawson’s Creek. But he wanted to make everything worse: acting, actors, dialogue, sets, shots - EVERYTHING! He also decided to throw in a bit of the drama from Dawson’s Creek, but didn’t which ones to go with. Happily, Wiseau seems to have looked at all his options and decided that shit, they’re all good! Imma use ‘em all.

Every subplot was picked up and dropped almost immediately. But that's okay because these unexplored subplots certainly bring the LOLs. A secondary character gets roughed up by a drug dealer that he owes money to, and then it's never mentioned again. Another character announces that she has cancer. Her 5-second announcement is all the time that is spent on this. How fabulous is that?

Sometimes/often when I go to movies I end up laughing loudly at inappropriate times. I’m usually the only one. Not this time. The laughter was so intense that I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing a few times. I’ve never been in a movie with audience participation like this. There were waves of plastic spoons being thrown. That’s not an exaggeration – those bastards kept flying over the crowd. After all, why clap when you can throw a spoon? I left the cinema to the sounds of laughter and plastic spoons being crunched underfoot. Good times.

The experience of seeing this film was overwhelming. The movie itself is awesomely bad, but the experience of being in that audience was on a level that I've never seen before. We were still quoting lines from this movie at 3am-ish while eating a Kebab after several hours of drinking. At one point, we were trading/yelling one liners with another table who’d been at the same film. I've spent 3 days working on this damn review because every time I sit down to write something, I get overcome by the whole experience. This wasn't really a film that was meant to entertain and tell a story. This was a vanity project that went horribly wrong. This 'shrine' to Tommy Wiseau's self-perceived greatness has turned him into a bizarre joke and apparently he's cool with it, to the point where he shows up and sells merchandise at midnight screenings.

I knew it was gonna be a good night when I got ID’d while buying a bottle of Tui. It was more than that. It was transcendent. I live in a post-Wiseau world now. Come join me. We have footballs.

You know you want to hear more about this hero. Click on the heading to read the article.

No medium has ever survived the indifference of 25-year-olds.

Clay Shirky (via soupsoup)

soupsoup:

Michael Hastings, the Rolling Stone writer whose story on General Stanley McChrystal became the biggest news in Washington for a week, has scored a major book deal Forbes has learned.

If I'd pissed off a General, I'd be watching my back. That dude was military trained and he's old. An old soldier is indicative of one thing - when he went into a war, he always came out alive. The fact that he's a General means that he was especially good at it.

Still, props to Hastings for getting himself even more publicity. It means everyone will be paying attention when if he mysteriously disappears.