I FUCKING FORGOT I MADE THESE AND I GODDAMN HURT MYSELF.

😭❤️

I FUCKING FORGOT I MADE THESE AND I GODDAMN HURT MYSELF.

❤️

Hi if you want it because I’m angry too. After Maddie notices Chim being a little cold for a day she confronts him. He admits he’s hurt because he opened up to her about Kevin and she never mentioned Daniel. But also. When I mean “cold” of course I don’t mean how awful he was last night, just a little hurt

It’s been an emotionally taxing few days for all involved. Maddie feels exhausted both physically and emotionally but at the same time… relieved that the secret is out. There’s the guilt that comes with being the eldest sister because now Buck has to share some of the pressure that she’d tried to keep on her own shoulders but now he knew about Daniel and it was no longer this secret looming over her head. 

Truthfully, Maddie had done well at keeping the memory of her older brother hidden. She’d stored it somewhere, not to be thought about until the sudden realisation of what her parents must have gone through hits her one day. The thought had come from nowhere one day, just a few hours after the first time she had felt her daughter kick and she had wanted to call her mom to ask her how she had felt the first time she had felt her kick. And then she remembered, as though she could have ever truly forgotten, that she wasn’t the first kick her mother would have ever felt. 

She hasn’t even met her daughter yet but she knows that the loss would be phenomenal. It was why she had always tried to sympathise with her parents as much as anyone possibly could, remembering a nine year old version of herself nodding her head as her parents force her to promise to never mention Danny again. ‘You don’t want to make your mom cry, do you, Maddie?’ Repeated in her mind over and over again until she tried to focus on her little brother and being the best big sister she could possibly be. She was protecting him from the pain that had lurked over the Buckley household even now. Twenty-nine years later. 

Maddie’s hand rests on her bump, feeling the gentle movements of her daughter before she looks up at Chimney. He’s been quiet for the past few days, a thoughtful look on his face and she knows that he feels the relief of a secret he’s only known for a few days, being out in the open. She’s carried the weight of it for almost thirty years, not because she was ashamed of Daniel or his life, not because she wanted to forget him but because his memory had become more of a painful reminder of what could have been… what should have been. It was easier, simpler not to focus on that pain. 

“Are you okay?” She finally asks, knowing they need to address the tension between them. He’s been there for her in every single way possible, holding her hand when she needs him, smiling along with her parents, being him but it still felt as though there was something lingering in the air. An unspoken argument, tethering on the edge of exploding at any second. 

He seems surprised by the question, sitting up in the chair, his attention finally turned away from the blank stare he had been giving the television. “I feel like I should be asking you that question.” He murmurs, a frown on his lips before his eyes flicker to the small circles she’s rubbing on her stomach. 

It’s with a small shrug of her shoulders that she gives him a small, sad smile, “Not really but I think I will be one day. Eventually.” If Buck can ever truly forgive her, anyway because she knows for a fact that she will never be okay again if she doesn’t have her little brother in her life. But she needs to give him some time and space to process and to grieve what happened, realising she had never been given the same opportunity. Maybe now she can, maybe now that Daniel is out in the open, his photograph still sitting on the coffee table where Buck had left it, maybe she will be able to remember the good times and not the end. “You’ve been quiet.” 

He gulps, shifting in his seat a little before he nods his head, “I guess I’m a little hurt.” He finally announces and Maddie feels the stab of pain rushing through her at the admission. She had known, on some level, that it would bring up memories for him, too and that of course, the fact that she had hidden such a huge part of her life from him when she had promised him no more hiding. “I sat right where you are right now, once and I told you about Kevin. I opened up to you about losing my brother and you sat there for… hours as you held me and you didn’t think that maybe… even just mentioning Daniel would have… I-I don’t know… been important?” 

There are in his eyes, and she holds back her own because she remembers that conversation well. Truthfully, the memory of Daniel had been long suppressed by then from years of telling herself that her pain was nothing compared to the pain of her parents, years of trying to be the good daughter, hoping that they would be the parents they were before again. Any sadness she’d felt that day as she held a crying Chimney in her arms had been for him or at least, that was what she had told herself at the time. She takes a breath as she nods her head, knowing it seems to be the theme of the week so far - she hadn’t spoken to a single person who isn’t mad at her or hurt by her from her parents to Buck and now Chimney. At least she’s back in work tomorrow, maybe she can feel as though she’s helping someone. 

“I don’t think me telling you about my dead brother would have helped you.” She finally says, her words slow and careful as she looks at him. “I wasn’t allowed to have any good memories of Daniel like you do of Kevin. It was all… tainted with the before and after of it all and honestly, I hadn’t… this is probably going to make you hate me even more but when you were talking about your brother, I wasn’t thinking about mine. I didn’t… you were the first person I ever mentioned his name to since I was sat down by my parents and made to promise never to utter his name again. Not to them, not to Buck, not to anyone. So I didn’t. And I never forgot him but… it was easier to not think about him until I felt this little one kick and I realised that… what my parents went through… and then Buck said he was in therapy and I panicked. I guess I thought if he never knew the truth about our childhood then it would protect him somehow. That I could carry it all because… that’s what big sister’s do, right?” 

There’s silence and a moment where she really dreads that maybe she’s lost her boyfriend and her brother in one fell swoop before he moves to sit on the couch next to her, a hand resting on her knee. “I could never hate you, Maddie. It’s just hard feeling like you still… hide things from me. We’re having a baby together and I can’t help but wonder what else I don’t know about you.” 

“That’s fair.” She whispers, “I think I’m used to hiding, more than I thought I was. I’ve always had to hide a part of myself but I promise you there are no more secrets.” She hesitates before she rests her hand on top of his, brushing her thumb over his knuckles as she bites down on her lip, “I’m so sorry for messing up, again and as horrifically overdone as this line is… it’s not you, it really is me and I’ll try harder. I don’t… I-I’ll stop listening to the little voice in my head that tells me to shut up when I think I’m saying too much because you know how I feel about you…” 

Their eyes meet, her bottom lip trembling when the tears escape, squeezing his hand tightly, taking a breath when she realises it’s probably not what he needs to hear. “I do love you and I do trust you and I know I’ve hurt you but… we’ll be okay, won’t we?” 

The silence is terrifying because truthfully, she doesn’t know if she’s lost Buck and his trust forever and she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to live with the knowledge that she’s lost two of the most important men in her life. “Maddie, I…” A part of her feels as though she’s bracing for impact, as though she’s been waiting for her world to fall apart just when things were getting too good, “I love you.” She lets the words settle over her for a moment, feeling the usual warmth that comes with them, “Of course we’re gonna be okay.” 

His smile is soft, barely reaching his eyes before she shifts her body to curl into his side as much as she can as his hand moves towards her bump and his lips press to her head. “I’m really sorry.” 

“No more apologising, just... no more hiding, for real this time, please?” She sniffs as she tilts her head slightly to press her lips to his neck. “I love you, both of you.” She closes her eyes at the crack in his voice, nudging her nose into the crook of his neck when she lets out a sob. 

“We love you, too. So much.”

Meet Cute/Ugly: This would be based on "that" 4th anniversary in the woods. Chim is one of the firefighters who comes to help sort out the smoke. Maddie is acting a little weird and holding her side and when it’s time for the 118 to leave she keeps asking stupid questions as though she’s trying to delay them leaving. Chim finally asks her if she needs help, and even though she knows she shouldn't, nods her head yes because it's the first time anyone has ever asked her that.

It’s not the first time they’ve had a call like it but usually, whilst embarrassed, it’s relatively easy for whomever to just… brush it off. Some of them laugh about it, some of them apologise a thousand times over for wasting their time, some people just… try and make excuses with grimaces on their faces the entire time. It’s an easy mistake to make, although… one that can ruin a vacationer's time quite easily because it leaves the cabin stinking of smoke for days afterwards. 

The 118 laugh about it whenever they get the call and when they get back to the station but it’s always more of a relief that it’s just a mistake that anyone who isn’t used to open fires can make. But Chimney just can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t quite right this time around. The man - Dr Kendall, was how he’d introduced himself - seems… angry, even his embarrassment seems to verge on the side of frustration. He keeps insisting there must be something wrong with everything and everyone else, other than he’d just forgotten to open the flue. No amount of reassurances that it happens a lot from their Captain seems to be helping and Chimney can’t quell the discomfort he feels in the pit of his stomach when he watches how the woman puts as much distance between herself and her husband as she possibly can. 

She lingers near him and Eddie and if the bruises on her face that she tries to cover with her long hair wasn’t enough to cause suspicion, the way she’s holding herself with her hand pressed to her side, is definitely cause for concern. It’s none of his business, that’s what he keeps trying to tell himself but then… he’s a paramedic. Isn’t what he does all about giving care to people who need it? And the thought of just… getting into the ambulance and driving away makes him feel sick and he doesn’t know why. He has no basis for it - she could have been in an accident, she could have gotten injured another way but there’s just… something that is screaming at him that it’s not right and he can’t quite put his finger on why. 

“Do you… do you get a lot of these calls?” It’s the second time she’s asked them that question and he can tell from her eyes that she’s desperately searching for some way to delay them leaving. It’s probably the fifth or sixth question she’s asked, each one laced with more desperation than the last and the feeling in the pit of his stomach won’t shift. They’d been faced with domestic calls before, the aftermath of violence but this wasn’t what this was meant to be. It was just… another smoke filled cabin, another simple call that felt the furthest from simple he could think of right then. 

His eyes desperately search Hen’s whilst Eddie kindly answers the question as though he hadn’t answered it before and he hopes he’s not the only one to be thinking the worst, too. Sometimes his mind can run away with him, his anxieties can… see things that aren’t there and maybe it’s just reminding him too much of the volatile relationship between his own parents and he’s projecting. God, he hopes he’s projecting because the idea of anyone being hurt is just… awful. And she seems nice, and she was telling them that she’s a nurse and that they’re on their fourth wedding anniversary from Pensylvannia. 

Chimney’s fears are confirmed, or at least he believes them to be, when Eddie gestures towards the truck, “We should get going, have a nice rest of your vacation.” Her face drops and he watches as she looks towards her husband as he paces back and forth on the phone, waving his hand in the air as he shouts. But she nods her head, and forces a small smile on her face as though she’s done it a thousand times before, even though she looks as though she’s about to have a panic attack. 

If he doesn’t ask, he’ll never forgive himself, ignoring the way Hen shakes her head at him as though she knows exactly what he’s about to do (she’s his best friend, she most definitely knows) as he closes the gap between himself and the woman. He doesn’t miss the way she flinches beneath his touch when he gently rests his hand on her arm and tries to catch her gaze, “Do you need help?” 

The words take her by surprise, her eyes darting over to her husband who has hung up on whoever he was talking to and is looking over at them. Chimney dares himself to look, biting down on his lip when he sees the darkened eyes and the forced smile, before he starts to walk towards them and he can feel his own heart beating a little too fast, even more so when he can feel her shaking beneath his touch. He’s getting closer and suddenly, Hen is calling his name and it pulls her out of whatever trance she had been in before she nods her head. 

It’s not the answer he was expecting, although it was the one he was hoping for, looking over at Hen and nodding his head in the hopes that she’ll know exactly what he means. Judging by way she grips at her radio and turns around, she knows… she always knows. “Okay,” He nods, carefully pulling her towards the back of the ambulance, offering her a kind smile as he does, knowing her husband is still heading towards them and this isn’t going to be easy or end well, “it’s going to be okay. I’ll tell him you inhaled more smoke than we thought, okay? And that I’m just checking you over and then, hope--” He opens the door to the ambulance, “... no, not hopefully… the police will be here before you know it. And then I can check you over properly, okay?” 

Her eyes wide, full of unshed tears and he can see she’s already regretting what she’s done but the thought of going back into that cabin and being alone with him to suffer whatever the hell she was about to go through, is clearly the only thing that forces her to step into the back of the ambulance with a timid nod of her head, leaving Chimney standing there with a forced smile on his face. He can do this. He can delay. He’s a caregiver, he gives care and whilst, volatile, probable violent husband wasn’t really in his remit without police presence in the ten years he’s been doing his job, he’d do anything to quell the unsettling fear deep within him. 

“Is my wife okay?” Even the four words send a shiver down his spine and he’s grateful to see both Bobby and Eddie heading his way whilst Hen moves past them all to climb into the back of the ambulance. 

A breath. A smile. And a nod of his head, Chimney tries to focus, “She was just having a little trouble breathing, my colleague is just gonna check on her. Best to give them some space, not much room back there.” 

There’s a flash of something on the man’s face, easily hidden a few seconds later and Chimney is sure he wouldn’t have recognised or seen it, had it not been for his own experience with his own father, his own fists clenching as his nails dig into the palms of his hands. He just has to delay, just until the police can get there. “I’m sure she’s fine… she’s a nurse and I’m a surgeon, so--” There’s something about the way he sneers out the word ‘surgeon’ as though he’s better than them and Chimney isn’t a violent man but the memories of his own past haunt him and he would want nothing more in the world than just to punch the smirk off the other man’s face. 

“I’m sure she’s fine,” He manages to get out, “just give my colleague a few minutes and then we’ll be out of your hair.” 

“Yeah, I should hope so.” God, it was gonna be a long few minutes, his eyes meeting a suspicious looking Eddie’s for a few seconds until the sounds of sirens can be heard in the background and all hell breaks loose.

Part 2 for Smoke in The Cabin Fuglas fic. I'm gonna need to see this play out.... cause.... well, I'm evil and the storm usually gets crazy before the sun, and Fug deserves to pay for being the worst. K thanks. I asked for a meet UGLY Maddie... so give me what I paid for. 😂😅

Part 1

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“Okay, that’s enough, Maddie, come on.” 

Chimney can feel the desperation surge inside of him to somehow stop what he already fears is going to happen when he’s looking between the woman in the back of the ambulance and her husband,  who is currently being held back by Bobby and Eddie. Maybe they should let him go, Chimney surmises, then maybe he’d get a hit in and maybe the police would have something to arrest him for because right now, they’ve got nothing beyond a nod of the woman’s head. 

“Maddie.” His voice is warning and his heart breaks knowing that if she goes with him, there’s an extremely high chance she’s going to get hurt or worse. “Maddie!” The calmness is gone, the fire in his eyes no longer held back when he lunges forward and even Chimney finds himself stumbling back. The other man has a few inches on him and the look on his face is beyond intimidating and he can’t imagine, for even a second, how terrifying he must be to her. 

He doesn’t want to stand there and be reminded of the man who had once had a hand in raising him. He’d never been physically violent but sometimes the impending threat of it was enough; the screaming and the shouting and the unnecessary throwing of things and slamming his hand down on the counter to really make his mom jump. There had been several times he’d truly thought the man was teetering on the edge of it before he’d left and an overwhelming sense of relief had overcome the smaller Han household and for the first time, in his twelve years, Chimney had felt as though he could breathe again. 

Now, he’s standing there listening to the man scream his wife’s name, whilst half-listening to the police telling him to calm down and half-listening to Hen trying to convince this man’s wife to stay with her in the back of the ambulance where she was safe. He gulps, this isn’t going to end well and he’s trying to replicate the calmness in Athena’s voice as she tries to talk to the man. 

And then suddenly, Maddie is standing next to him and she’s shaking like a leaf and he can hear Hen pleading with her to come back into the ambulance with her. “It was just a misunderstanding.” She finally says and he’s sure the defeat in her voice will live on in his memories. It’s the look on her face, her eyes zoned out, her voice steady and quiet, as though she’s given up. A moment of brief and sudden courage, overtaken by the sheer regret and fear he knows she must be feeling. She hadn’t wanted to step foot inside that cabin a few moments before she’s holding her hand out for her husband and he can feel the quiet desperation that maybe… maybe it won’t be so bad if she gives into his demands there and then. 

Bobby is the first to let go, whilst Eddie looks as though it’s the last thing in the world he wants to do before he’s given clear instruction and instead of reaching for her hand, he yanks her close enough to wrap an arm around her shoulder. It’s the satisfied smirk on his face that makes Chimney feel as though he’s about to hurl up the lunch they’d been enjoying before they’d gotten the call. It was just meant to be another stupid city boy who didn’t know they had to open the flue when starting a fire. God, he wishes he had never gotten out of bed that morning because this woman, who looks even tinier in the other man’s arms than she had when she was looking into his eyes and confirming that she needed help, makes it feel as though his heart has just been ripped from his chest. 

He wants to tell her that she can take his hand right then and he will get her away from her husband. He wants to tell her to leave. He wants to tell her that it’ll be okay, that she can be okay. But he doesn’t know anything about her beyond her name and that she’s a nurse from Pennsylvania. He doesn’t know her husband, he doesn’t know anything, other than the instinctual feeling within him that something isn’t right. 

“It was just a mistake.” Maddie whispers, “I feel okay now.” It’s a lie, and he can see how she flinches when lips press to her head and he’s smiling down at her and Chimney can only imagine the kind of things that will be said and done when she’s back behind closed doors. But right then, there are police officers and firefighters and too many witnesses. 

Athena only sighs, “Sir, I’ll escort you back to your cabin.” The words are practically spat out but at least his arm moves from around Maddie, safe in the knowledge that she’s not leaving. 

It’s dangerous for her, more so than him but he needs to say something, to at least try and make her see that she doesn’t have to be alone, that no one has to be alone. He can hear Hen telling him to just drop it, that it’s none of their business but he finds himself running a few short steps to catch up to her anyway whilst she hovers behind Doug and Athena, regret on her face. Chimney reaches out a hand to touch her arm, gently tugging her so she’ll stop and look at him. 

“I get you’re scared of what he’ll do if you report him, but you need to think about what he’s gonna do if you don’t.” Chimney pauses as she gulps, her eyes darting across to her husband who’s still deep in conversation with the officer, angry about… everything, muttering something about wasting police time and valuable resources. “Don’t be afraid to run. Be afraid to stay.” He lets go of her arm then, both of them distracted by the sound of her name being called and a part of him thinks, even for just a moment, that she’s going to come with him, that she’s going to change her mind. 

Instead, she bites down on her trembling lip, their eyes meet, hers full of tears and his trying to remain determined before she takes a shuddering breath and walks towards the other man, wrapping an arm around his waist as his arm comes around her shoulders. 

She doesn’t turn around to look at him as he stands there feeling just as helpless as he had when he was ten years old and his mom was trying to pick up pieces of broken glass from the kitchen floor. And then the cabin door slams shut and Athena is looking at him instead. “These sort of situations are complicated, Chimney.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He deadpans, shaking it off a moment later when he sees the concern on her face,  “Best get back to the station, more disasters await.” A forced smile, a fake happiness to his voice when he moves back towards Hen who gives him a look like she’s not going to drop it anytime soon. “Let’s just forget it, we did what we could.” He knows he’s trying to convince himself but it’s one call out of… thousands. He’d tried. 

“We did.” Hen confirms out loud, patting his shoulder until she shuts the ambulance doors and smiles sadly at him, “These things are complicated.” 

Chimney sighs, resisting the urge to roll his eyes when he takes one more look at the cabin, “Yeah, so everyone keeps saying.”

Omgggg yesss!! I’m so ready! I 😭❤️

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