Nina: Okay Mr Scientist If Matter Cannot Be Created Or Destroyed Then Where The Fuck Are All My Hair

Nina: Okay Mr Scientist if ‘matter cannot be created or destroyed’ then where the fuck are all my hair ties??

Wylan: …Uh

Inej: mom, dad, I want you to meet my friends

Inej: this is bad choices, daddy issues, chaos theory, and rush to judgement.

Inej: and this is my boyfriend... traumatic backstory

The Crows:

Inej's mom:

Inej's dad: it's nice to meet you all

Inej: 😁

I’m not sure how to phrase this but it’s a good thing Kaz is the more morally bankrupt of Kaz and Inej bc if you swapped their roles Kaz would never push Inej to become a better person,,, like he’s such a ‘i <3 evil women’ kinda guy that he would not give fuck about any of the atrocities Inej is committing like 😭

oh she cut out someone’s tongue bc they were being annoying? Well that person shouldn’t have been annoying, he doesn’t know what to tell you

Like this would be him:

Like all the rest of the crows are looking on in horror as Kaz is twirling his hair and giggling

Role swap Kanej is such a fascinating concept to explore, just Inej being a menace and Kaz cheering her on (not that canon Kaz wouldn’t also do that)

(Also I tried to find the ‘shut the fuck up there’s nothing wrong with evil women’ post but I could not find it 😭) (If anyone could get me the link that would be helpful 🙏)

Okay but like.... how's Kaz gonna propose. Because I am sure that no matter how much Inej wants to she will 100% make sure it's Kaz who proposes. Because that's how she was raised and she won't let anything the world threw at her from thinking she deserves any less.

But like...

Kaz: so I have a... proposition for you. This benefits both of us I mean there's tax benefits and all and I believe that if you say yes to this it will...uh be very... favourable to you.

Jesper: .... You know you are practicing for a proposal right?

Wylan: This is a marriage proposal right?

Kaz: yes.

*Nina in the corner shaking from trying not to laugh.*

Wylan: Maybe try being a little more....I don't know...direct?

Kaz: I am always direct.

Nina dying in the corner holding back her laughter.

Jesper: okay try being really straight forward...ask her in one sentence maybe?

Kaz: will you sign this legal bond between us tha-

Jesper: wait right stop there.

Wylan: just ask the question and be more... enthusiastic

Kaz: will you sign this legal bond between us tha-

Jesper: Okay stop right there. We can make this work

Wylan: Yes try being more...happy about it.

Kaz: *stares at Wylan*

Wylan: Nevermind... Saints! He's never gonna get this if he doesn't even try. Do you even want to propose?!?

Kaz: *Glares* Of course I do why else would I even bother being here with you-

Jesper: Okay shut it! Wylan I need a glass of water this is going to take a while. And Kaz do as we say or you're not getting my blessing

Kaz: I don't need your blessing. What are you? Her father?

Jesper: If you really think Inej will marry you without our blessing then you shouldn't even bother proposing

Kaz: *sighs in frustration* fine

Nina, pokes in: yeah he's not getting my blessing

Kaz: What?! Why?!

Nina: I am sorry I might be mistaken but weren't you the one who referred to Inej as your "investment". *Blinks innocently*

Kaz: THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO!!

Nina: Your fault that you just happen to call the love of your life that, maybe if you weren't such a dense idiot-

Jesper: I said shut it! Nina go back to your corner and Kaz I need you to pay close attention. Make it short and simple where you ask her to marry you and also tell her how much you love and cherish her, alright? Can you do that?

Kaz: *sighs* yeah...

Jesper: okay start!

Kaz: ....

Kaz: I want to-

Jesper: wait...what was that pause at the start

Kaz: well you said to keep it short so I was shortening it.

Jesper: what do you mean "it"

Kaz: I never speak without filtering and around Inej there's too much to filter so I keep it short but since there's so much I want to say sometimes it takes awhile to gather my thoughts.

Jesper: and these things are like what? Compliments?

Kaz:....sort of I guess. More complicated though.

Jesper: YES! THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO! Tell her all you think about her without filtering or changing anything. Just let your heart speak for itself. Don't think about it

Kaz: What do you mean "don't think about it" that's what I d-

Jesper: that's the problem. You dwell on it too much and don't let yourself be vulnerable but you love Inej right? So what's a better way to show it then be exactly that! Omg I am a genius

Kaz: No, you are an idiot. Why would I want to be vulnerable

Jesper: To show Inej you care! That you are willing to let down you guard for her

Kaz: That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard. I did that once, I spoke without thinking. It was fucking embarrassing

Wylan:*raises an eyebrow* and what happened?

Kaz: ... Shit he's right

Jesper: SEE I was right, the last time you did that you got Inej

Kaz: I still think that's a stupid idea

Nina: and you wonder why it took you so long to get anywhere. You need to show her love and romance but since you dwell so much on your thoughts you treat her like everyone else MEANING you treat her like shit.

Jesper: Shush Nina! Don't say that to him, poor guy just wants to propose.

Wylan: Kaz like you said you have a lot to say about Inej to her that you don't. So when you propose just tell her everything you want her to know. Don't dwell on it or anything just listen to your heart and speak

Nina: yeah like he has a heart. My waffles are capable of more human emotions than him.

Kaz: FINE! WHATEVER I'LL DO IT ON MY OWN!

Jesper: just listen to what Wylan said. We know Inej and as much as you might think otherwise we want this to work.

Nina: I-

Jesper gives Nina a look

Nina: What? I just want Inej to be happy and if it's with him then fine

Kaz: Whatever I'm going

Wylan: Just remember! Let your heart speak and don't think about it!

---------------------------------------------------------

Kaz:*thinking* shit shit shit shit

Inej: *Lands behind him*

Kaz *turns around*: Hello... hi? Hey?

Inej: *amused* ...hey?

Kaz: ...

Inej *smiles*: so why did you call me here?

Kaz: *thinking*: shit she's smiling what do I do

Inej: Kaz?

Kaz: *thinking* shit okay I need to stop thinking, just say anything that comes to mind, okay you can do it

Inej: Kaz? Are you alr-

Kaz: Iloveyou!

Inej: *confused* ...thanks? I love you too. But seriously are you alright Kaz? You look like you're about to pass out.

Kaz: No I'm not. I just need to tell you something

Inej: okay.... I'm listening.

Kaz, deep breathes: okay. Here goes nothing

Kaz: I need to tell you that you are lovely and brave and better than anything I deserved. That I am twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that that I can't pull myself together into some semblance of a man for you. That without meaning to, I'd begun to lean on you, look for you, to need you near. I love your laugh and if I could bottle the sound and get drunk on it every night I would. It terrifies me.

I memorized your favorite flower, favorite song, favorite sweet, just to see you smile. Your smile is one thing I would die to earn again. No saint has ever looked after me...but you have, Inej. I want you, Inej. And I'll have you anyway you want, without gloves, head turn your way so we can kiss. I'll give you myself without armor for you to have.

Please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, will you do me the honor of marrying you.

One of the touch excercises to overcome his adversion with Inej (i hc) would be like that thing where you hold hands and trace shapes on each other's excepts its like super competitive between them. Like they'll trace super hard to guess things and the other would be dumbfounded. demo-->

Inej: Guess what it is.

Kaz: ...?

Inej: Suli stuffed-tart (something)