SWEET DREAMS, Wen Junhui

SWEET DREAMS, wen junhui

♡⸝⸝ when you want nothing more than to just close your eyes and go to sleep after weeks of restless exhaustion, Junhui is the only one who's actually capable of lulling you to a slumber at the end of the day.

.ᐟ fluff. comfort. reader has a bad case of insomnia. mention of sexual acts ( just mentioned, not described in detail )

a/n: another junhui one shot because I'm such a sucker for soft junhui. Don't forget to leave feedback <3

masterlist | taglist

It was almost two in the morning. 

After a long day of Jun at practices and you at work, the two of you had finally gotten home to have some shitty take-out food and got ready for bed at around eleven thirty. You and Jun finished your nighttime routine - which was as usual, Jun taking his time with the self-care ritual and you watching him with confused eyes - and got into bed. Now that was almost two hours ago.

Almost half asleep after finishing his skin care, Jun had put out the candle that sat by your bed and turned off the light before laying down next to you. Even if he was falling asleep by the mere second that passed, he had still shuffled close to you, pressing a quick kiss into your forehead and another one to your lips before almost falling on top of your shoulder. As soon as his head was nestled in the familiar spot in your shoulder, Jun's eyes had shut ( as close as they could be obviously ), the day's exhaustion catching up to him. Soon, he was out like a light in the dark.

You, however, have been wide awake since the moment you got into bed.

The fact that sleeping has always been a challenge for you isn't a secret to Jun. He's very well aware of how you've been a target of heavy insomnia since a teenager - never actually been helped out of it. So, wakeful nights without a wink of sleep were rather familiar to both of you since the start of your relationship.

Jun found out about it on a random Thursday when he had decided to spend the night at your apartment for the first time. He came across a couple of medicines that you kept on your nightstand before turning to you with those big eyes of his - confused and questions swimming through them. Very casually, while folding some t-shirts from your laundry, you mentioned your condition. 

The first couple of times he caught you awake in the middle of the night, he suggested going to a doctor to seek medical help, an idea you had turned down almost immediately. "Baby, why?" He had asked you with a pout present in his voice. You couldn't do anything other than smile at him before asking him why he thought the medicine he found was sitting untouched on the nightstand.

After that, Jun went into a spiral of online research about this behind your back. And then in a silent attempt to make it easier for you, he started trying various methods to get you to your sleep a little bit more.

He started with buying candles, and incense sticks and lighting them around your house, hoping it'll get you to relax and eventually drift you off into a slumber. But as he anticipated, it never seemed to work. Whenever he was staying over after that, he started to turn off the lights in your apartment a little earlier to try and lure you into going to bed earlier. However, now, almost six months later, none of his antics worked on you. Jun had been quite sad to see all his plans fail right before his eyes, but you were just too immune to anything at this point.

So eventually, Jun had nothing else to do other than settle down with the idea of you enduring the burden of this sleepless state. Nevertheless, he didn't stop trying to help out however he could.

Even after long days of hard work, Jun would try to stay up with you as long as he could after getting to bed, swearing to wait until you fell asleep. Yet, it always made you upset to see him lay awake knowing he was more exhausted than you and needed his rest for the next day. So as much as you hated to, you had to talk to him about how you didn't want him damaging his sleep schedule just because you were struggling with yours.

After so many hours and days trying to convince him, Jun finally settled with the routine of going to bed together where you'd stay talking until he fell asleep and then go on your phone, reading or listening to something for the rest of the night. The majority of the time, you two followed that routine. But once in a while, you would feel Jun stirring from his sleep at ungodly hours and catch you still awake - resulting in a very whiney Jun trying to lament you into falling asleep as well.

And today, not-so-surprisingly, is one of those days.

When you feel the first surge of movements, you're on your side with your back to Junhui. His arm which was initially thrown across your waist had fallen into the mattress between you, losing grasp when you turned to your side earlier. Your phone is in your hands, the screen in the lowest setting of brightness while you play you'd taken a liking to.

Assuming Jun is just shifting in his sleep, you continue to pay attention to your phone. But you're proven wrong when an arm is suddenly thrown around your waist, settling on your stomach with fingers warm against your skin. Your hands automatically halt on your screen at the movement. Assuming Junhui must have stirred awake by himself. You quickly check the time - 2.03 a.m

"You're awake"

Junhui mumbles into your hair in a groggy voice, clearly still half deep in his sleep. You could only still in his hold for a second before letting out a hum into the darkness around you. The familiar sound of a sigh leaving his lips is an apparent confirmation that he's not exactly happy about waking up to you still lying in bed, phone in hand and far away from actually getting some rest.

"Sweetheart," He tries, voice persistent. "You're going to destroy your eyes"

"I'm not"

You reply to him with a mumble of your lips, eyes still set on completing whatever level of the game you're playing right now. You feel the way Junhui shuffle behind you, now a little more awake as he brings up an arm over your hip to pull you closer to his body. You let yourself be dragged in his arms, Junhui almost draped across your back now. You can feel his breath hot in your ear and his legs tangling with yours as his warmth surrounds you like an octopus. You faintly feel his lips pressing softly to the back of your head before he sits up on his side, bringing up his hand to brush your hair away from your neck. Then a fleeting kiss is pressed to your temple as Junhui lets his lips rest there.

"Yn, baby" He sighs and you know he's not going to give up the fight he's started until you put down your phone and close your eyes. "Can we put the phone away? That's enough for the night, don't you think?"

When he receives no answer from you, Junhui taps your stomach in hopes of getting your attention. "You should try to get a little more sleep, baby"

You finally turn your face towards where he's hovering over for a brief second before turning back to the device. "I can't, Jun. I tried"

"But baby" You can now hear the slightest bit of frustration laced in his voice. "Let's lie down and try a little more, yeah? It's really late, yn. I'll pat your back too"

The screen changes in front of your eyes, letting you know that you've finished this level and requesting you to continue to the next one. Over your shoulder, you can almost feel the way Junhui watches as you click on it.

"I did, Jun. I tried. We came to bed at eleven something, you know? It's past two now"

Jun seems to recognize the tone of your voice, equally as tired and weary in exhaustion. And god forbid he understands when you say you tried your best.

If there was anyone who understood your condition and knew that it has never been easy for you to just effortlessly fall asleep despite being as exhausted as you are - it was Junhui. He knows how even on the days when you just want to close your eyes, turn off your mind and just sleep, you still have to stick to lying there without even a wink whatsoever. It had been a long time since he realized that you're as equally as tired of being like this, opting to try out different things to try and get better. Yet the lack of effective results or any sign of recovery only discouraged you more and more - finally settling in your gut in heavy defeat.

Junhui knows you've reached a certain point of insomnia when you refuse to even get into your bed - wanting to lounge around while staring into a void as a way to prevail through the night. Some nights he would find you curled up on the couch with tears running down from your lifeless eyes as you gaze ahead with an empty glance. There have been days when he would give up his own rest to hold you as you cried, just wanting to keep you close to him and offer you a chance to rest your eyes.

Junhui is very well aware that this isn't something you'd chosen to weather and that you're trying your best to overcome it. And he does his very best to help you like the angel he is.

His solutions usually vary from small gestures like changing the sheets or spraying his perfume on the pillowcases. Sometimes he would bring large scented candles home, always lighting them up around the house and trying to get you to relax. And sometimes he would even just take the bait, push you into the mattress and fuck you into a senseless sleep himself.

Yet, even after all this time, seeing you on the brink of breaking down, rest nowhere near you while you strain yourself day after day without a proper good night's sleep - it breaks him. His heart hurts at the heartbreaking sight of you curled up in the sheets, eyes still open and bouncing off of the screen in front of you.

"What do I need to do, baby? Tell me" He sighs softly, running his fingers down your side as he watches you press away at the game with expert taps. "You haven't gotten any proper rest for this entire week and I'm so so worried, love"

"You don't have to do anything, Jun. It's fine. I'm fine" You murmur, words barely audible. "Go back to sleep, okay? I know you're tired"

You're partially surprised when he goes silent after that, his breathing the only sound that falls on your ears. You expected him to put up another fight and argue against how he doesn't give a shit about his exhaustion any more than yours. But knowing him so well to the point you two are basically merged, you can tell that Junhui is still wide awake despite falling quiet.

Junhui's uneven breath hit your ear in a warm huff of air, tickling your skin lightly. You can tell that he's frustrated by the way he breathes alone. You understand that all he wants right now is to just get you to close your eyes and then his own. But you let your mind pay attention to the game instead of Jun, purely because you knew it would be useless anyway to even try at this point.

Not even two minutes later, the screen flashes with the notification of the completion of yet another level. But before you could even think about continuing, a hand is dashing over your shoulder and grabbing your phone - taking you by utter surprise.

A loud cry of protest leaves your mouth as you immediately sit up once the phone is snatched out of your hand - or at least you try to. Junhui is faster than you though. He's getting up in a flash before he's almost flinging your phone to a corner in your room, his other hand shooting to pin you to the bed by a palm against your face. Pushed right back against the mattress, You struggle against Junhui, who turns to you and almost lays himself completely over your body, trapping you underneath him.

You try to thrash around under him, trying to push the mess of long limbs and fluffy hair off of you but Junhui is one strong guy. He barely shifts when you claw at his skin and try to peel him off of you.

"Jun, get the fuck off of me" You grit through your teeth. "Why did you- ugh, get up, holy shit. Stop-"

After almost a cycle of you screaming for him to scramble away, trying to push him off and reach for the phone yourself - you give up. It's only when Junhui's one hundred per cent sure you are not going to fight back, he finally gets up.

He holds his upper body over your face, peering down at you with his starry eyes as his arms bracket your face. Your own hands come up to hold his forearms, eyes fitting over his as the two of you gaze into each other's faces silently.

It's in instances like this with rushed movements, and panicked conversations does it dawns on you how pretty your boyfriend actually is. His face looming over yours, illuminated by the city lights that seep into your room, hair falling over his forehead in short bangs and sleepy eyes boring into yours - you actually concede why you call him the absolute light of your life.

You only realize tears are running down your face when Junhui dips down to press a kiss against your cheek. Bringing up a hand and balancing himself on the other, he wipes the tear off with a delicate swipe of his thumb over your cheekbone.

"It's okay. I've got you, baby"

The gentle tone in his voice makes you want to cry even more. You can feel all the pent-up exhaustion and frustration finally overflowing the walls built around you when you look into Junhui's eyes - ever so understanding and gentle. When you tip over the edge, he's right there to catch you in his arms in a warm embrace. Junhui dips down to press his lips against your forehead and leaves a trail of kisses against your hairline as you cry out your frustrations under him. Tears dribble out the corner of your eyes, trickling down the sides of your face until the patch of sheet by your ears is damp with your distress.

"I wanna sleep, Jun. I just want - want to sleep. I'm so tired"

Junhui continues to wipe off every tear that trails down your cheeks, his own heart breaking at the sound of your sobbing helplessly, begging for a break from your restless shape. He mumbles reassurances into your skin in the form of softly pressed kisses. His lips are hot against your skin, a contrast to your icy cold skin.

When your cries finally smooth out into silent hiccups, Junhui moves to brush a bit of hair away from your face before leaning down and pressing his lips square against yours. Junhui had always kissed you with so much passion - as if he was trying to convey all the love in his heart through one press of his lips on yours. Junhui kisses like every brush of your lips is going to be his last - mouth numb on yours as he tries to indulge the whole being that is you in the couple of seconds he's got his lips on your skin.

"I wish I could take away all your pain. I really wish I could" The words Junhui mumbles into your lips are barely audible. But somehow, you hear him perfectly fine, eyes watering again when you open your eyes to see him staring at you with the most sincere and softest gaze. His eyes are hooded, exhaustion pulling at the strings of the conscious state he's in - yet Junhui takes his sweet time to rake his eyes over your face, and press a couple more kisses into your lips before lying down next to you.

As soon as his back hits the mattress, you're being tugged into his arms.

Slowly and carefully, Junhui guides you to lie down on his shoulder, face pressed into his neck and hand coming up to rest against his chest. One of Junhui's hands is around you, holding you close to his body with enough strength in a blind attempt to make sure you don't dare escape his embrace at any point. His other arms comes over your shoulder to cuddle you closer, drawing patterns into your skin once he's got you all settled against him.

The familiar silence surrounds the two of you - just like the darkness that envelopes almost all of your room. Yet the quietness is interrupted when you open your mouth in a heavy exhale after a while.

"Jun" You speak into the silence, voice somewhat meek and receiving a familiar hum as a reply. "I'm sorry"

You can almost picture the way his mouth opens in an automatic reassurance, promising him that you didn't have to apologize for something that is completely out of hand. But you decide to beat him to it and continue with your words.

"I know you want me to tell you when I'm not feeling okay but I can't do that to you, Jun. Especially because I know how tired you are. You drain yourself at practices every single day and it makes me feel so shitty when I see you trying to stay awake for me even when you want nothing more than to crash and pass out at the end of the day. I'm sorry, Junhui. I really am"

Junhui sighs from above you, hands tightening against your frame a little bit. "Sweetheart, I'm not going to talk to you about how you have nothing to apologize for because you already know that well enough. But yn, baby, I just want you to get the rest your body needs. You drain yourself at work almost as much as me and it breaks me to know you're struggling by yourself like this. I just want you to be comfortable, yn - the healthiest you, that's what I want"

"I don't care if my sleep schedule gets messed up if it means my baby is finally able to get all the rest she needs, okay? You're so strong, love, you are. But this has been going on for long enough for me to lose my mind over. I want to help you, baby. I want to be able to hold you and tell you that it's okay - that you'll be fine. I'm always here with you baby, I love you so so much"

"Junnie?" You call out once he has finished his monologue with a faint kiss to the crown of your head. The low hum you get in return makes Junhui's chest rumble under your skin.

"Yeah, baby?"

"I don't deserve you"

Junhui almost chuckles in your ear, making you look up at him with a confused gaze. The smile he sends your way is almost blinding against the darkness in the room. "Yes, you do, baby. Yes you do"

Once the silence around them wraps the room for the nth time that night, you feel the weariness of days and the mental exhaustion from your work finally settles deep in your gut. You let yourself be pulled tighter against Junhui's chest for the rest of the night. He let his fingers slowly run up and down your back, trying to slowly coax you into a very much-needed sleep. The light scrape of his blunt nails against your back always helps you fall into a very comfortable headspace.

"I love you, Jun. So much"

"Sleep for me, okay? I love you too, a crazy amount, baby. it drives me insane sometimes"

Junhui once again pressed a light confession of love in the form of a long kiss to the crown of your head before he finally let his own eyes slip shut - his mind hoping it would not take you a lot of time to fall into a slumber of your own after everything you had gone through.

thank you.

Don't go anywhere.

BOYFRIEND TEXTS ft. wen junhui

♡⸝⸝ just junhui and reader being a wholesome couple who bully each other

.ᐟ crack. fluff. light angst. swearing.

a/n - junhui is such a sweetheart i love him with all my heart. feedbank is appreciated <3

which svt boy is the type of boyfriend with whom you can turn your brain off with | ot13

. . . most to least likely

1 . . . seungcheol

i don’t think anyone is surprised that choi seungcheol is the number one. you wouldn’t have to think AT ALL ever again with him, like come on - he’s big, buffy and dependable (jeonghan’s words, not mine). knowing him, he’d get offended if you tried to “think” - looking out for you, and taking care of you is his number one priority in life. i mean it, it’s his life mission.

2 . . . mingyu

husband material number two, he’s equally fixated on looking out for you as cheol. there is nothing that could distract mingyu from you, your well-being, and safety. the type to walk on the outer side of the sidewalk, and always holding your hand when crossing the road. not a single one of your brain cells would have to be active when he’d be around.

3 . . . joshua

the third husband coded man of svt. no matter how distracted you’d get, joshua would be there right by your side to make sure you wouldn’t hurt yourself or get lost if you were out on the town. there would be no need for you to be aware of anything, thanks to your lovely boyfriend. and it’d all come so naturally for him - he wouldn’t even have to think about it.

4 . . . minghao

hao, our silent and attentive boy that looks out for you, no matter what, would always make sure you’re taken care of, to the point where you wouldn’t really have to think around him. you could do whatever, and minghao would have no problem with protecting you from anything that could hurt you. he’s just so aware of you, and your presence.

5 . . . jeonghan

similar to mingaho in the sense that you don’t even realise that you’re not really “thinking” when you’re with him. even before you started dating he was always such a caretaker that it doesn’t really surprise anyone when you mindlessly follow jeonghan everywhere without a single care in the world.

6 . . . wonwoo

wonwoo is everything you could ask for - he is handsome, smart, funny, and most importantly he always makes sure you’re happy, well fed, and safe. he is ready to change a light bulb, make you dinner (even though he can’t cook for shit), pick you up after a party, and pack you lunch before school/work. the best part out of all of this is that you never have to ask for any of this - he just knows when you need him, so why do you need to think when your boyfie is always there for you

7 . . . woozi

woozi is kind of the middle ground between those who are excellent at taking care of you, and those who try their best, but are too easily distracted, or just prefer to be the ones taken care of. jihoon is always there for you, no matter what (obviously), but sometimes he can get a bit distracted, so you’d still have to be aware of your surroundings when out and about, or you’d have to check his luggage before a trip to make sure he packed his toothbrush.

8 . . . chan

a very observant lil bub that always keeps an eye on you. no matter how much you try to convince him you are good on your own, he still takes care of you in every way he can, and with time (you didn’t even realise when) you started to shut your brain off more and more when with your boyfriend. and come on, it makes him so happy when you depend on him, he loves when you grab his hand the second you exit the car, ready to trust your boyfriend with everything and anything.

9 . . . dk

does a pretty good job as being the “thinker” until something doesn't distract him, and because he is easily distracted, well… he is a cutie pie, though, and very obedient, so he will gladly follow you everywhere without much nagging so looking after him isn’t as hard as looking out for hoshi or vernon. there is one situation when you can definitely shut your brain off, and it’s in crowded places, because there is no way dk will let anything happen to you in a crowd.

10 . . . seungkwan

poor baby really tries to take care of you so can confidently shut your brain off with him, but at the end of the day your relationship is very 50/50… okay, more like 30/70 because usually it’s you who has to think about everything. seungkwan still tries to help you out as much as he can, he doesn’t want to be a burden to you, but sometimes he’s just so easily distracted or oblivious to what is happening around him.

11 . . . jun

easily distracted, manipulated, puts himself in dangerous situations on a daily basis, and has the tendency to wander off like a kindergarten kid, so naturally he’s the one to shut his brain off with you. looking after him can be quite tricky sometimes, he has his rebel moments when he want to make your life a living hell by worrying the shit out of you, but the second he sees you getting really stressed he gets back to his polite, and cute self.

12 . . . hoshi

this poor boy would get distracted so easily, you’d have to think for him. if you were out, hoshi would be the one to wander off, or not see the incoming car and almost getting hit by it - you’d have to be the one to save him from everything. it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you, but he’s a kid at heart that needs to be the protected one.

13 . . . vernon

same as hoshi, you need to be alert 24/7 with vernon. distracted easily, and does not understand the concept of dangerous situations - you’d definitely have to be the “thinker” in your relationship. like, if you were going on a trip you’d be the person that plans everything, is in charge of the maps, food, packing clothes, and vernon would be the one to venmo you money.

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @soul-is-a-strange-kid @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @chillseo @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @aaasia111 @tomodachiii @veryfabday @lilmochiandsuga @asasilentreader @mrsnervous @bewoyewo @sharonxdevi @wondipity @gyuguys

Jun’s shenanigans in Going Seventeen ☆

#문준휘_생일이라_행복이_원플러스원 #FallInLoveWithJunDay

Disconnected | ljh x reader

It's been three weeks since Jihoon spoke to you for longer than a few minutes, since he came to bed before you were asleep, since he looked you in the eyes and told you he loved you. 

You know he does, of course, but you haven’t felt any evidence of it lately. 

Rating: M (18+) | WC: ~5.0k | Pairing: ljh x reader | Genre: hurt/comfort, angst, smut

Warnings: distant!neglectful!jihoon, eating issues, marriage problems, anxiety, partial solving of marriage problems, small mention of pregnancy/having kids (like one part of a sentence)

Smut Warnings: body worship, breast play, biting/marking, oral f. rec., fingering

Reader Notes: has breasts and a vagina, there’s a shower scene where reader takes care of their hair and i believe it should work for different textures but if it doesn’t lmk, chubby

You look across the dining table at Jihoon, finding him absorbed in his phone as he chews and taking the chance to stare at him for just a bit longer. 

He doesn’t spare you a glance, and your eyes go to your untouched food. You haven’t been hungry lately, eating is the last thing on your mind when you’re feeling like this, when he’s spending most hours of the day at the studio, and devoting the remaining time to anyone but you. 

It's been three weeks since he spoke to you for longer than a few minutes, since he came to bed before you were asleep, since he looked you in the eyes and told you he loved you. 

You know he does, of course, but you haven’t felt any evidence of it lately. 

This is the life you signed up for, you try to remind yourself, but that doesn’t make it better. It doesn’t soothe the caustic burn in your throat that always comes when you’re suppressing tears, or make his side of the bed warm when you slide under the covers alone, and it especially doesn’t remind him to text you more than the stilted responses you’ve counted yourself lucky to receive. 

But here he is, tapping away at his phone and shoveling bites of the food you cooked for him into his mouth, too engrossed in whoever he’s texting to even notice your gaze on him. You doubt he’ll realize you’ve gotten up until he’s finished eating, so you scoot away from the table and take your food to the kitchen. 

There’s no point in letting it sit out when you’re not going to eat it, and you’re beginning to find you can hardly even bear the smell with your stomach roiling like this. You tilt your plate over the glassware, scraping your dinner into the dish and closing the lid with a click before storing it in the fridge with a sigh. 

Now that Jihoon is home and fed, you don’t really know what to do with yourself. 

While he’s gone, you take care of things around the house, do some freelance writing, tell yourself that maybe today, he’ll come home and be like he used to be. 

Then when he does come home and greets you with a distracted hello and a flash of a kiss on the cheek before heading into his home studio, you find yourself feeling bereft, listless, just like you do now. 

You suppose you could take a shower, maybe let a few tears slip under the cover of the water, blame your red, swollen eyes on shampoo, not that he’d bother to ask. Or even notice. 

With your mind only half made up, you float on mindless feet to the bedroom and peel the clothes from your body, stopping by the dresser to grab some pajamas. You can hear utensils clacking against porcelain, so you know he’s still eating and likely won’t be coming into the bathroom at least until you’re done. 

You don’t know why, but when he’s distant like this, you don’t like to let him see you naked. 

Maybe it’s because you already feel stripped to your nuts and bolts, maybe it’s because he doesn’t feel like your Jihoon. Either way, you prefer to be clothed around him, to at least have one extra barrier between him and you lest he see how vulnerable and unguarded you are. 

The shower is comforting, warm enough you can almost pretend it’s his arms around you instead, though you stop yourself every time, unwilling to endure the pain once the fantasy fades. You hug yourself, try to hold your broken pieces together as water rains down on you and tears start to bubble over. 

Biting back a sob, you take in a shuddering breath and reach for your shampoo, telling yourself that you’ve gotten through this before and you will again. Every time you hear those words in your mind, they feel a little less true, a little less sure. 

You step back under the flow of water, rinsing the suds from your hair and squeezing out the excess moisture before coating the strands in conditioner. It needs to sit for a few minutes so you let yourself sink down to the heated tiles of the shower basin, shifting out of the spray and resting your back against the bench. 

You tuck your knees up, loosely wrapping your arms around them and staring into the mist as if it contains the solutions to all of your problems. Your mind wanders back to Jihoon, and you feel your heart drop into your stomach as you wonder how much longer you realistically can take this. 

It’s not like you haven’t talked to him about it before. The first time it happened was early in your relationship, maybe around the one year mark. You suffered in silence for a month, wondering if something had changed, if he’d met someone else, if he didn’t want you like he used to. You were close to breaking it off when he finally came out of it, apologizing for going radio silent on you and telling you it wouldn’t happen again. 

And for two years, it didn’t. For two years, he was perfect, and present, and near ecstatic to show you his love. Then, it happened again, though you only let it last for two and a half weeks before you sat him down and told him you needed him to come back, to figure out how to balance music and you, how to make his life with you work with his life outside of you, even when it gets busy. 

He agreed, and instantly made a change for the better, showing you how willing and able he was to manage his relationship with you and his work. That’s partially why this time is so painful - you know he’s capable of putting in the effort, you just don’t know if he can recognize when he’s not. 

And it might be immature, it might be selfish, it might be both, but this time, you want him to figure it out on his own. You want him to see that he’s neglecting you, and make the change without you having to ask him to, even if it means you suffer in the meantime. 

You grab your comb from the ledge and start detangling your hair, almost thankful for the tears that arise because they mean you’re crying about something other than him, for once. When the comb glides, you hold it under the water to clean it off, setting it back on the ledge and begrudgingly rising to your feet. 

Your head tilts back as you rinse, your hands smoothing over your hair until the silky feeling of the conditioner washes out. You give your body a good scrub, rubbing with your exfoliating gloves until you feel brand new before stepping back under the water and letting it all wash down the drain. 

You stare at the running water for a while, your thoughts as difficult to pin down as the droplets racing toward the small grate in the floor. The shower won’t run cold, not with the two heaters Jihoon had installed when you were building the place, so there’s nothing but the fear of wasting water keeping you from staying in the safe, spacious cubicle for the rest of the night. 

Unfortunately, you didn’t grow up in a wasteful household so you can’t linger, shutting the shower off now that you’re done and reaching for your leave-ins. You layer them into your hair and squeeze out the extra water, wrapping your head up in a turbie twist and grabbing a towel from the warmer. 

Draping it over your shoulders, you hug yourself again, staring at your shivering form in the slowly defogging mirror and wishing you had Jihoon to hold you instead. 

Even with that wish, you still jump and suck in a sharp gasp when he appears in the doorway. Immediately, you tuck the towel around yourself, hiding your body from him and looking anywhere but into his eyes. Your shoulders bunch up in discomfort, the skin fully exposed thanks to your wrapped hair, the lingering drops of water feeling like ice under his gaze. 

His eyebrows furrow, his mouth opening as if to speak, before he closes it and averts his eyes, murmuring, “I, uh… came to tell you I would be in my studio for a few hours.” 

You don’t know why he’s warning you, he never does when he’s absent like this, but you quietly say, “Okay,” waiting for him to leave so you can get dressed. 

Except he doesn’t. He just stands there, halfway in the door, halfway out, his gaze barely to the left of you and suddenly deep, dark, like a bottomless well. 

You feel like you can’t breathe trapped in here with him like this, with your ghost of a husband. More than that, you feel exposed, your frayed nerves sparking with the urge to flee, his presence eliciting your fight or flight response. You should leave out the fight, this time, considering the fact that you’d almost rather perish than speak to him further at this moment. How far could you get, you wonder, before he’d notice? 

Tomorrow, when he’s wrapped up in his work again, maybe you’ll catch a train, a plane, go somewhere warm and sunny, somewhere that isn’t here. 

“I’m doing it again, aren’t I?” He asks slowly, his dark eyes sharp on you through the mirror, knowing. 

And this is what you wanted, isn’t it? You wanted him to figure it out on his own, to put it together without you spelling it out for him, but now that he has, you don’t know what to do. So, you just nod, grabbing your pajamas off the vanity and locking yourself in the closet so you can finally change, finally cover yourself up, finally have another barrier between you and Jihoon. 

You’re almost scared to open the doors, not knowing what will be waiting for you when you come out. Still, you take a deep breath and wade through the anxiety, pushing open the doors and stopping short when you realize the bathroom is empty. 

Maybe he went into his studio anyway. 

Maybe he doesn’t care, maybe he’s tired of having someone who requires his attention, his affection. Maybe he doesn’t love you like he used to, and just doesn’t know how to say it. 

You’ve worked yourself into a state of numb teariness by the time you enter the bedroom and find him sitting on the duvet, his head in his hands and his back to you. He jumps to his feet when he hears you, rushing over and taking hold of your hands to guide you to the bed. Confused, you let him push your shoulders down, watching as he settles on his knees in front of you and takes your hands again. 

“Baby, I’m sorry,” he says emphatically, his voice choked up and his face tight with anguish. “I - I never should have let myself get so focused on work. I knew that I missed you, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until you left in the middle of dinner.”

Huh. You didn’t think he’d notice. 

“I finally looked up from my stupid fucking phone and you were gone, and I could hear the shower running so I came to check on you, and I heard you crying,” he bites his lips between his teeth and looks away, his eyebrows pushed together and his face slowly reddening. You realize he’s trying not to cry, himself, and start to pull your hands from his so you can cup his face. 

He doesn’t let you, his grip too strong for you to break and his eyes angry when he looks back at you, though you know better than to think he’s angry with you. “You shouldn’t need to comfort me right now, I should be comforting you. I’m the one that fucked up, that’s been fucking up.”

You don’t speak, assuming he wants to get all of this out at once. He takes a deep breath before continuing, “When I heard you crying, I started thinking about the past few weeks, and I realized how absent I’ve been. I can’t even remember the last time I really kissed you, and that’s ridiculous. I’m your husband, I should be kissing you and telling you I love you every single fucking day, cherishing you like you deserve, reminding you how grateful I am that you’re in my life.”

“I’m lucky you didn’t fucking leave,” he all but sobs, his face crumpling as he turns and hides his face from you in his shoulder. Again, you try to take your hands back, and this time, he lets you. He lets you cup his cheek and swipe away the tears that fell, he lets you pull him up until he’s sitting next to you, he lets you tug him into your arms and hold him close. 

He shudders against you, burying his face in your neck and wrapping his big arms around you, lifting and rearranging you so you’re sitting in his lap instead of next to him. You wish you could get closer but you can’t, your chest is already pressed to his and your hips are aligned, your knees folded on either side of his body as he holds you. 

“I love you too much to ever leave, Jihoon,” you sigh, leaving out the fact that you did briefly consider it before bundling him up in your arms when that just makes him shudder out a sob and hold you tighter. 

“I love you so fucking much, and I swear on everything, I will never let this happen again,” he promises, and this time, you really think it might be true. 

.

You spend the rest of the night together, laying in bed. Sometimes you just stare at each other, sometimes you talk, sometimes you laugh. You even cry once out of sheer relief, a brief catharsis that makes Jihoon tear up and hold you so tight, you can’t breathe. 

When it’s time to go to sleep, he strips to his boxers and wraps himself around you, his body more on your side of the bed than his. It’s like he can’t stand to be separated from you now that he’s brought himself back, now that he’s realized how far away from you he was. You think he might even climb into your skin, given the chance. 

You rest better than you have in weeks, sleeping soundly through the whole night with his breaths on the back of your neck and his arms wrapped around you, and when you wake, he’s still there. 

You’ve changed positions, shifted to lay on his chest with an arm and a leg thrown over his body. He’s awake already, one elbow bent behind his head as he stares at you, and after you check the time, you ask, “Don’t you have to go into the studio today?” 

“No, I told them I wasn’t coming in when I woke up,” he smiles softly, tracing his fingers up and down your back, making you shiver against him. 

“When did you wake up?” You ask, slightly confused because you normally rise before him, especially on days he has to work. 

“Like an hour ago, had a nightmare,” he murmurs, making your eyebrows furrow in concern. His fingers stop drifting over your back and come up to smooth away the wrinkle in between your eyebrows as he says, “It’s my own fault.” 

“You can’t be at fault for having a nightmare, Jihoon,” you remind him gently, tilting your face into his hand when he cups your cheek. 

“I can be when the nightmare is that you packed a bag and left,” he says distantly, like his mind is far away. “I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you since it woke me up.” 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you promise him. “This just can’t happen again, especially now that we’re married.”

“I know,” he agrees in a soft voice, his face pensive. “I think we, or maybe I, should go to couples counseling.” 

You hum, biting your lip as you think it over. His thumb tugs at it, pulling down until you’re no longer digging your teeth into the flesh. “I think that’s a good idea. For both of us.” 

“I’ll do some research then,” he smiles down at you, brushing his thumb over your slightly indented bottom lip. You smile back, rising up on your elbow to lean in and press your lips to his. 

This is the first kiss you’ve shared since the rushed, absentminded peck you got yesterday morning, and Jihoon must realize because his hand forms around your cheek again and his fingers slide into your hair, pulling you closer and holding you there. 

You can feel all the love, the devotion, the adoration he’s pouring into it, his sunshine glowing through the fractures in your heart and slowly filling them in, like dandelions growing in the cracks of a sidewalk. 

Time slips away and your thoughts do too, your brain empty but for Jihoon as he kisses you breathless. Your elbow starts to shake, the position a bit awkward for you to be putting all of your weight on it, and he, of course, notices. You don’t expect him to roll over and brace himself above you, his body held away from yours by sheer strength, so you gasp when you find yourself under him, surrounded by him. 

It’s slightly overwhelming, being so utterly ensconced by him, but you love it, would stay here huddled under him for the rest of time if you could. The world could be falling apart around you and you wouldn’t have a clue, you’re so entranced by him. 

“Baby, I don’t deserve it, but… I want to show you how much I love you. Can I?” He asks sincerely, his voice wavering with emotion. You’re about to answer with a vehement yes before he continues, “If you’re not ready, I won’t ask again, I’ll let you come to me.” 

You won’t remind him that this is (partially) what you’ve been wanting for the past month, instead telling him, “I’m ready, Jihoon. I want you to show me.”

His smile is nearly blinding, so wide and bright you want to shield your eyes, though you wouldn’t miss a second of this, of him, for anything. 

He kisses you again, sipping from your lips like they hold the nectar of the gods, like you’re his salvation, and you kiss him back in much the same way, your eyes fluttering shut and your arms coming up to wrap around his neck. 

One hand delves into his hair when he trails kisses across your cheek and over your jaw, his mouth suctioning over your pulse point so he can feel your heart beat for him. And maybe it does, maybe that’s why you feel so lifeless without him, so faint, as if a strong gust of wind could blow you away. 

But it’s also why you feel so vibrant now, why you’re lit up from the inside, why the effects of his love shine through every pore. 

His mouth meanders to the spot under your ear that always makes you shiver, and he spends eons there, licking and sucking and biting until you’ve got your legs wrapped around his waist and his name on your lips. 

By the time he moves on to your breasts, you’re dazed, barely able to help him take off your pajama shirt. He has to straddle you to free up his hands and tug it off, and you come back online just in time to watch his eyes darken as they drag over your exposed skin. You’re not shy anymore, content to lay there and let him look his fill, your hands resting above your head, lifting your breasts. 

His hands cover them before his lips do, his palms warm and soft where they cup the weighty flesh, squeezing gently as his thumbs brush over your pebbled nipples. He leans down to suck one into his mouth, taking deep pulls that make your back arch into him as the sensation sparks through you. He can’t seem to settle on one side, always switching so neither are neglected, your breasts marked up and spit slick by the time his kisses start to dot your stomach. 

He’s always been vocal about how much he loves your belly, loves the soft pudge and the way it contracts when you laugh, loves filling it with food and covering it with kisses, would someday love to watch it grow with life. It’s no surprise when he settles between your legs and spends almost as much time on your stomach as he did on your breasts, his lips tracing every stretch mark and his teeth sinking into every curve. 

You’re trembling when he finally moves on to your hips, his fingers hooking in the waistband of your pajamas and starting to pull. You lift your ass to help, remembering at the last second that you put panties on too last night, unlike usual. Jihoon doesn’t seem to mind, kissing you over the fabric before pushing your legs apart and nipping a line up the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. 

He soothes the sting with his lips and tongue, working his way up to the apex of your thighs and licking you over the fabric when he gets to your covered cunt. You’ve grown wet enough for a small patch to form on the seat of your panties, and Jihoon uses the damp material to his advantage, firming his tongue and digging it into where he knows your entrance is. 

The feeling is soft, muted, but still good, and you can’t help but bring a hand down to tangle your fingers in his long, loose hair. He turns his head and presses one last kiss to your thigh before reaching up and starting to pull your panties down, his eyes heated and dark and laser focused on your pussy as it’s revealed to him. 

The underwear has barely cleared your feet when he pushes your legs apart again and leans down to suck in a deep breath through his nose, smelling your arousal and groaning before dragging his tongue through your folds for a taste. The noise that escapes him now is more like a whine, a punched out sound that comes from deep within his lungs, his fingers spasming on your thighs as he dips his tongue into your entrance. 

He’s barely started but you’re already moaning, already wanting for more, already on the verge of begging for his mouth around your clit or his fingers inside. He gives you neither, relearning the shape of you with lips and teeth and tongue, one of his hands shifting to your pussy so he can spread you apart and taste every square millimeter. 

It feels like a lifetime before he finally wraps his lips around your clit and sucks, and your response is instantaneous. Your back arches, your fingers clench in his hair, and your thighs snap closed around his head, making him push them apart with both hands, your pleasure soaked muscles no match for his. 

He brings you up just like this, with his palms pressing your thighs apart and his mouth on your clit, sucking and tapping and licking until you feel waves of bliss wash over you in a gentle release that leaves you floating. 

That’s just the beginning, you learn, as he lets one thigh fall so he can slide a finger into your still fluttering walls, his lips vibrating around your throbbing clit in a groan that you echo softly. He moves slowly, letting his finger glide in and out even though you both know you’re more than ready for another. 

“Jihoon, please” you begin, lightly tugging on his hair, about to ask him for more.

“You don’t need to beg, baby,” he murmurs into you, sinking a second finger inside on the next stroke and spreading them to open you up. It’ll take more than two fingers to prepare you for his cock after three weeks of nothing, so you lay back and relax, content in the knowledge that soon enough, you’ll have everything you want. 

His fingers crook inside of you, stroking along your front wall, feeling for that patch of nerves inside that makes you gush for him. He finds it easily, his calloused, practiced fingertips rubbing and grinding into it, and you can feel the arousal seeping out of you, know it’s probably gathering in his palm now. 

He doesn’t care, doesn’t ever care how messy you get him, has even said he loves being coated in you by the end, loves tasting and feeling the physical evidence of how much you want him. It’s obvious in the way he moans when his mouth returns to your pussy, his tongue dipping between his fingers to get a taste at the source before laving up to your clit and wrapping his lips around it. 

He sucks hard, and you can tell that he’s starting to lose patience, to lose control, his hunger for you beginning to overcome his desire to be slow and gentle and sweet. That’s more than alright with you, Jihoon has spent enough time showing you how much he loves you, now you’re ready for him to show you how much he wants you too. 

When he withdraws his hand and returns with a third finger, you know it won’t be long before he’s filling you with his cock, and you can feel yourself get wetter at the thought. You almost want him to just give it to you now, to work himself inside even if you have to stretch around him, even if it hurts a little. 

But you know he’s on a mission so you let him carry it out, sighing at the sensation of false fullness as that burning coil starts to form in your stomach. It winds tighter and tighter as he slides his fingers in and out, every dig of his fingertips into your sweet spot making you gasp and pull his hair. Soon enough, you’re holding him in place and he’s letting you, grunting and groaning as you begin to roll your hips into his movements, his fingers precise and his mouth devastating. 

Finally, the coil catches flame and snaps, making your back arch and stealing every last thought in your mind as you cum so hard, you almost force his fingers out. He’s still stronger than you though, so he fights through your tightness to keep fucking you with them, bringing you through your orgasm and slowing only when you release his hair and pet his head with clumsy hands. 

When Jihoon comes to hover above you, you’re close to crying, so wrought with feelings and passion and love, you almost can’t handle it. But his face is glistening with you, practically dripping, which makes you choke out a laugh and sweep your finger along his jaw. 

You had planned to wipe it off on the duvet but he takes your hand and sucks your finger into his mouth, his eyes locked with yours, the darkness in them vast enough that you fear you might get lost. 

He releases your finger and presses his slick lips to yours, his tongue delving into your mouth so you can taste yourself. He cups your cheek with his non-sticky hand and tilts your head, changing the angle of the kiss and making it even deeper, eliciting a quiet moan from you as your legs hitch up on his waist and your arms wrap around his neck. 

You flex your legs, trying to bring his hips down to yours, but he stays braced over you, his body still inches away when you want him to be so close, you can’t tell where he ends and you begin. 

“Jihoon, I want you,” you break away to breathe, gazing into his eyes and watching as he wars with himself. 

“I don’t feel like I deserve you right now,” he admits solemnly, his eyelids fluttering when you shift one hand down to touch his rock hard cock. 

“What if I think you do?” 

“I’m glad you feel that way, but I just wanted this to be about you. I think we should wait,” he gets quieter at the end, as if he’s afraid of your response, and you can’t push him, not when it seems like he thinks you’ll be upset with him for saying no. 

“Okay,” you sigh, only the slightest bit of dejection seeping into your voice, though you try not to let it come through. 

“Thank you, baby,” he whispers before kissing you again. “Why don’t you get the bath started while I deal with this? I’ll come join you after.” 

“That’s a good plan,” you smile softly up at him, craning your neck for one last peck before he climbs off of you and lets you go. 

You slide to the edge of the bed and stand, about to hobble on shaky knees over to the bathroom when he catches your hand and pulls you between his legs. 

“I love you, so fucking much,” he says, his voice wavering and his eyes watery when they meet yours. 

You let the words wash over you like an ocean wave, the sentiment cleansing and healing and refreshing to your still-bruised spirit. 

“I love you, Jihoon,” you squeeze his hand and lean in when he pulls you, his lips meeting yours before they press to both of your cheeks and your forehead in sweet kisses. 

With your heart full of love and light, you make your way into the bathroom and start the tub, focusing on the sound of rushing water and valiantly trying to ignore the muffled noises coming from the bedroom. 

You’ve waited for Jihoon before, you can wait for him again. 

AN: don't look at me im self soothing

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