"Women Should Be Meaner!! >:( " Y'all Literally Can't Handle A Black Woman Being Slightly Assertive

"Women should be meaner!! >:( " y'all literally can't handle a black woman being slightly assertive

All of likes I was getting from white women on dating apps made me think of the narrative white media has created: blackness is seen as more dominant and dangerous, and black people — no matter what bodies we’re in — are sexualized. Consequently, blackness and masculinity, when put together, leads to an assumption of hypersexuality and promiscuity, which, in turn, leads to objectification on all fronts. When I see these likes from white women, I’m never sure if I am about to become a sexual experiment or someone’s first taste of the forbidden fruit to see if I fit the existing stereotype.

Somehow these stereotypes have been internalized even within the black queer community, where there is still an assumption that mascs are sex-driven and promiscuous. Generalizing black and/or masc folks as hypersexual is not only dangerous — it’s simply untrue — and this perspective doesn’t consider the masc folks who do not even experience sexual attraction. Because of the stereotypes associated with black masculinity, most people make assumptions about me, my sexuality and my sexual preferences. Thus, I feel the need to be upfront about my asexuality before an interaction with someone else gets too serious.

The most challenging part of my asexual identity is dealing with people who do not respect my boundaries. In navigating relationships with allosexuals, honest communication about sexual boundaries and needs is key. Everyone has a right to prioritize their own sexual needs, so I let people know it’s fine to not get into a relationship with me if they feel we would be sexually incompatible. I encourage my partners to be open about whether or not their needs are being met and to share how their needs can be met while also understanding my boundaries. Unfortunately, sometimes people confuse their sexual needs with sexual entitlement and automatically expect sexual pleasure from me — because again, people often assume that masc folks should give sex. As a black, masc, asexual person, I am continually sought out for my assumed hypersexuality. When people don’t get that from me, they automatically assume a flaw, forgetting there are other forms of intimacy within their reach.

Your Assumptions About Black Queer Masculinity Are Erasing My Identity, Timinepre Cole for Autostraddle (2022)

Bitches be out here pretending they have opinions on public policy but don’t even know how to pass a bill through congress

jane fonda got arrested the third week in a row at climate change protests. this time with ted danson

Y'all, I'm begging you not to be weird if someone turns you down or says no to pics/sexting/literally anything, even nonsexual things.

It's so uncomfortable when I'm like "no thanks :)" and then I have to spend 15 mins soothing you. Like it's okay if you didn't realize that was a boundry—now you know. It's okay if you misread signals—it happens. Just say "no problem, thanks for letting me know," and move tf on. Deal with that embarrassment in private. It's happened to everyone, and it sucks, I get it. Also, you need to deal with it without making it my continued concern.