#35 Curse Of Being Perfect Part 2 (Harry Styles)

#35 Curse of Being Perfect Part 2 (Harry Styles)

PART 1,

—

“How was the party last night?” Jim asked me at the shop.

“Oh great, great, just great!” I smiled and took my things and left. The party ended for me last night after I left my house looking for Grace. But, the goddess disappeared. She was not at her house, and I didn’t know her enough to know where she would be at 11:30 PM. Probably her boyfriends…

I wanted to throttle my demon who kept whispering things, making me cringe at my own actions. From the morning till now, I was drowned in guilt. Neel planned to show me the entire amount of work she put in and in her own little way, it was a lot. All I could remember was how cruel I was to her every time I can back. Our friends were common now, but I always excluded her. I knew she was at the party as a plus one, that evening, but it didn’t stop me from insulting her.

“Mum, I got the stuff. I’m going to the field for a bit,” Not taking my car, I walked down to the only quiet place I could think of; I liked the fact that, not a lot of people knew about and, it made it easier for me just to be there. I climbed the steps to a small place where, the river just flew and, it only a couple could sit there. I saw black hair from the top and, I stopped in my tracks not before, causing a pebble to drop.

Grace looked up and, her eyes widened. I’m sure she cursed before she took a breath, “could you please not come here?” She asked.

“Excuse me?” I frowned.

“Yes, it must be hard hearing a No, but this is my quiet place and, I don’t want it to be ruined,” She met my eyes, they were wet, “under any circumstances, so please.”

“This is my quiet place, too,” I said climbing down and she huffed. “And, there is a place for one more so, I can sit in my corner, and you sit in yours,” I smiled, trying to be genuinely nice. You have to try to be nice.

She cuddled into herself, getting in a corner and reading her book from the little sunlight that fell on the page. Not once, did she look at me? But, I couldn’t help staring. The feeling when you see someone for the first time, this time real? Her cheeks were a bit red and, she sniffed and, she tried hiding behind her long hair. She was beautiful it was quite clear. But, it wasn’t just her face, it kinda grew out of her which I always tried to copy. You succeeded, now everyone knows how nice you are. Only she knows the horrible face.

“So, what have you been up to?” I asked her, making her stop and look at me.

“Why are you talking to me?” She looked at me in confusion.

“That’s rude. I thought you were so nice to everybody,” I tried smiling instead of smirking.

“What do you want, Harry?” she asked, closing her book.

“Will you forgive me if I say sorry?” her eyes wide, and then, looking all around the tiny space. “There is no one here.”

“Are you saying sorry or asking for my reaction if you say sorry?” she questioned.

“I am saying sorry,” I decided. “I am sorry, I mean.”

“Alright, you’re forgiven.” She nodded and opened her book again.

“That’s – that’s it, you don’t want to talk about it?” I asked her confused.

“Talk about what?” She looked up and, I frowned. “Look, I know you hate me. I don’t know why and frankly, I have cared for so long, but I don’t anymore. It’s frustrating, and you’re not the only important thing in my life. You have a perfect life, the perfect career in a field that you love! You have the entire world loving you and just waiting for you to smile! You know what I have? A fucking tough college which drains the core of you. A course in something, I am not positive I like, but Father says, it’s just a phase. What if it’s not? You are already earning, in millions! I have to make my career after this hell house is over, in a field, I am not sure I even like, so save it!  I don’t want to talk about how the only imperfect thing in your life is that I exist, okay! Or is that giving too much importance to myself?” She got up angry, I had never seen her angry.

“Grace – I…”

“Save it, Harry.”

She climbed and left the tiny space while I sat dumbfounded in the same place.

—

It was a month after I saw her again. In a bookshop, in London, looking all calm and composed and, I couldn’t help myself, “Hey, I am Harry,” I went and stood beside her.

She looked at me and then, back to the book. Maybe in shock, and looked back at me. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I saw you and, couldn’t help myself honestly,” I looked into her eyes. “Would you like to join me for lunch?”

“I…rather not, I have to –”

“Please Grace, give me a chance. I swear I won’t hurt you.”

She gulped, but nodded and followed me out. I took her to one of my favourite places here, and got a table in one of the rooms, luckily. “This is fancy,” She smiled.

“It’s just more private, what would you like to drink?” I asked her, and she shrugged. “Well, I’ll order, try it?” She nodded, as she fiddled with her fingers. She was out of her comfort zone.

“How’s college?” I asked.

“Alright…”

“Look, Grace, I – I don’t know how to apologise for what I have done and –”

“I forgave you, Harry. Long back, I told you,” She said, softly. “I don’t hold any grudges, really.”

“I hated you.”

“What?”

“I did, like badly. You are always so perfect. You excelled at everything! And, I couldn’t help be jealous. I had to be, but I forgot you were my motivator. I always thought, if I could be like Grace, I could win it. Secretly, I still do,” I whispered. “I am sorry, I have been so blind with us.”

“Perfect? You think I’m perfect?” She scoffed. “I am far from perfect. I couldn’t get the one guy I liked to like me back, do you know how important that is to a teen girl? And, he crushed me at every opportunity he got. We used to be friends, Harry. I won maybe because I always wanted to impress you. Just have you say that I was amazing, but that never happened. So, I stopped performing. You know, why are you telling me all this now? What’s the point?” I could see she was tired.

“I didn’t know you like me,” I told her, honestly.

“Yes, you were too blind hating me. I saw you as perfect. Everything about you, from your hard work to your band, I came for every show. Until you told me, I wasn’t invited. And, your girlfriend laughed at me. Humiliated me and told me to stop being fixated on you, and that you hated it. So, I stopped that, there isn’t much for me to stop now. And, I won’t. You are not that important and – what am I doing here? I need to leave, I am sorry,” she got up from the table and picked up her bag. On impulse I got up and, was at her side, stopping her from running again.

“Look, just wait, a minute,” I said, wrapping my arms around her so, she stopped struggling to get away.

“Let me go, Harry!” I yelled, crying now.

“No, not again,” I made her drop her bag, “look at me,” After struggling for a bit longer, I made her turn and, made her look at me. Her cheeks were wet as, I removed her hair from her face. “There I can see you, now. You are very beautiful, and I don’t hate you.”

“What game is this?” She whispered.

“There’s no game. What are we now, twenty-two? We are too old for games,” I giggled. “Just calm down,” I made her breathe and, sit down again, pulling a chair next to her. She hiccupped and, took some water, clutching the glass in her hands. We ate our meal in silence. Our old waiter understanding that his presence should be kept to the minimum left us alone.

“Are you travelling back or staying here?” I asked her.

“Staying,” she answered.

“Where?”

“I have to look for a place, not sure.”

“Oh,” I nodded, “Come stay with me? I have a house here, and you won’t have to spend too much time looking for a place either.”

“No, umm, I am staying here for a couple of days. Wanted a break so, umm, yeah.”

“Then, stay for a couple of days here?” I pushed, “I know, I am pushing you. It’s a lot to take, but just believe once?”

“Harry, I - ” She hiccupped.

—

Do you want a PART 3? LET ME KNOW!

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Question - Does Harry Styles really exist?

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

#52 - Playing the Intermediary (Harry Styles)

Where Y/N plays the intermediary in a breakup and is stuck with the ex-boyfriend. 

—

“So, it is just this. I don’t know how to do it,” She shook her head. 

“But, you are sure that he loves you?” I asked. 

“That’s the only thing I’m sure about. You know, how it is, it’s just after the death, it’s like he clings to me. And we have been together for three years, I just don’t want to make it a four. God, just make me break up!” She moaned. 

“I feel you’re the first person who wishes to get rid of someone who loves you. Here, nobody loves me and I would love a boyfriend!” I laughed. 

“I wish he cheats on me. Like I don’t see us together. I don’t see any part in the future where our ideologies match, or our interests. It’s like I grew up and he never did!” She went on explaining, “I think, he is just used to me, and then he calls it love. Because I don’t spend more than five minutes talking to him. I hardly respond to his texts and he still doesn’t get the clue. I told him I don’t want to get married until I am 28 while he does, and he still doesn’t get it!“ 

"Why don’t you just break up? Like just lay it out. All clear." 

"You think I haven’t tried? I have done it repeatedly. REPEATEDLY. He doesn’t understand, then starts crying and then, it’s just - you have to help me. Tell him, that I am depressed with him. I can’t deal with this anymore. I can’t marry him. I never will. Our minds don’t match, our nothing matches and I don’t want him. He will be happier with anyone else other than me. Tell him!” She groaned. 

“Alright, I am sending this recording to him." 

"Wait, what? You recorded it?” She played it again, “Yeah, as proof. Poor guy should hurt now than when you make it four years, you know. So, promise he won’t come running after me if I send him this and ask him to lay off?” I asked. 

“I have a feeling, that he won’t believe it. Like he will just be like, you’re joking." 

"Not after, I have spoken to him…” I dialled his number. “Hello? Is this Harry?" 

"Yeah, it’s Harry. Who is this?" 

"Not important. What’s important is that I’m Sara’s friend.”

“What? Is everything alright? Is everything fine? Is she hurt.” My heart broke for him. But, this was good for him. They were both breaking each other. 

“Well, not really. Look, Sara is depressed. And, I have been seeing her for months now. She is not happy. At all. She wants to get rid of you. She doesn’t want you in her life anymore. She doesn’t care for you. Doesn’t see any future with you, and I feel you should stop embarrassing yourself and live your life and let her live hers." 

"What? Who the fuck are you? Give her the phone." 

"No, Harry. I know you are better than this. I know you have been together for a long time, but you have to see she is miserable and if you do truly claim to love her, then you will leave her, cause she doesn’t want you or have any respect left for you. I mean, she made me call you. Made me do it because you don’t even acknowledge her words when she tells you the same. This is toxic. I have sent a voice message. That’s her begging me to tell you. Give it up, Harry. Let her go. You are not worth each other." 

There was pin drop silence on the other side for the next 10 seconds. Long enough, I cut the call. 

“What did he say?” Sara looked at me hopefully. 

“He played the recording according to my notification.” My heart was breaking for him. No one should be hurt like that. But, he did call for it. 

“God, I hope it works,” She groaned and checked her phone. He has sent a ‘why would you do this to me?’. Cause I want to get rid off you, you fucker! I have texted - we are over, to him. Hope it’s final this time!” 

“You really don’t love him, do you?” I asked. 

“Never did. I don’t even know why I was with him. Promise me, don’t ever be in a relationship where you can’t say why are you together. It’s the worst thing.”

—

“It happened!” Sara called cheering the next day. “We are over! You did it! We did it!” She yelled. I was back home since I was just visiting her place. 

“Oh wow, that’s great for you! You are the first I have seen this happy as well!” 

“I am rejoicing my freedom!” 

“Yeah, umm is he alright? He won’t go and hurt himself or anything right? I don’t want to go to prison,” I tried to laugh. 

“No, he is heartbroken. But, he will be fine. I am not the bad person here. You know that right?” She asked, looking for my approval. 

“There is no right or wrong here, Sara. I just hope you don’t regret it.” I smiled. 

“I don’t think, I will. I have wanted it for so long. More than a year, and it feels right. Anyway, got to go, I have a class! Bye baby!” 

I didn’t get relationships. People were just confusing, and this case just confused me so much more. How does love become a noose around your neck, and why do we let it get it to that stage. 

—

It had been a month since that day. Sara was happy, and getting better. She looked much more relaxed than before, and I knew it was because she didn’t have him in her life. She had less stress and she was finally getting into herself. I wondered at times about Harry. How was he dealing with it? Dealing with wholly believing that his love loved him, only to be absolutely shattered in the end by it. 

I thought about him a lot. More than a lot, at times. It felt wrong, but as much as I understood Sara, the more I tried to understand Harry. Why did he lead himself to that stage? And why did he do that to himself and her?

“Hi, can I have a Latte, size medium, please?” I needed a coffee. 

“Sugar?” 

“No, thank you. I am trying to get rid of it!” I laughed. 

I sat down on the side table with my coffee, ready to work, when I felt someone staring at me. I looked up and, I was right. Only I didn’t expect to stare back. He was beautiful. His eyes were so big, and his face looked as if it was carved to perfection. He was frowning though, “Can I help you?” I asked. 

“It’s you.” He whispered.

“Umm, me?” He got up from his table, and came and sat in front of me. I looked around, finding this weird. 

“You’re the one who broke up with me.” 

“Excuse me?” I frowned. 

“I mean, broke up with me for my girlfriend, ex..girlfriend,” he stared, his face not giving any other emotion. His voice sounded so much better in person. Shut up, Y/N. 

“You must have me mistaken?” 

“No, I can’t. I have tried. I can’t forget that voice. I can’t forget your voice. I don’t remember anything hurting me more. And, I think I have seen you in one of Sara’s pictures, I have a good memory.” 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah, fuck. I’m Harry,” He put his hand forward, and I just looked at it. 

“How are you?” I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me. He pulled his hand back and got comfortable in his seat. 

“How do you think I am?” His voice was so straight, deep and sharp. 

“I don’t know.” 

“You broke my heart, shattered it.” 

“Excuse me, but your girlfriend shattered it.” 

“And, you approved?” He asked, his eyes were watery. 

“I didn’t have the say. It wasn’t about me.” 

“Then, why the fuck were you in it?” He raised his voice, and moved forward as I pushed back. 

“I was asked a favour, and I did it.”

“Were those your words or hers?” 

“Shouldn’t you be over her?” 

“After you humiliated me?” He pointed. 

“I didn’t do anything. You were both doing it to yourself,” I should shut up. At least bite my tongue. 

“I thought I was having a new start, until I heard your voice,” He looked to the window. There was something wrong with him. 

“I would still recommend it,” he looked at me. “This is a great place to have one. It should be easy.” 

“Are you in a relationship?” He asked, and I shook my head. “Ever been?” I shook my head again. “Then, you don’t know what you’re talking about, so stop advising.” He sneered. 

“Right, why are you at this table? I did nothing to you. I have nothing to do with you. I was the intermediary, a mere messenger…” 

“Do you like playing the intermediary in places?” He asked. Why was he so beautiful? Why hadn’t I asked to see his picture before? Sara had put me off him, that I was sure there would have been something rotten about him. He just looked broken to me.. 

“I like helping.” 

He looked at me, then shook his head. “Well, then Y/N - help me.” He said smirking. 

—

PART 2

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#52 Playing the Intermediary Part 3 (Harry Styles)

Sorry for the delay! It’s long so I hope it makes up for the wait! 

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

SUMMARY:  Where Y/N plays the intermediary in a breakup and is stuck with the ex-boyfriend.

Part 1, Part 2 

—

“I don’t want to love a love like yours.”

“I don’t feel too well,” I said, after a few minutes of silence. “My head’s spinning too fast.” I almost fell on him.

“Okay, okay, here sit down,” Harry made me sit down on the bench.

“No, no I think, I want to go home now,” I stumbled onto him and he caught me.

The next I remember is waking up in my room. I was still in my dress which now had my one boob popping out. I groaned, getting out of my head, noticing the medicine and the glass of water kept on the nightstand.

I hope you feel better.  H.

This was nice of him. Did he bring me back? I walked to the kitchen, stopping when I saw a half-naked man cooking food. I picked up the vase on the side almost as an instinct, as I walked forward.

“Oh hey, you’re up!” He turned around. Harry.

“What are you doing here?” I shouted, and then held my head because of the pain.

“Cooking us breakfast,” He shrugged. I gave him a look. “What? No, thank you? It was some effort carrying you back home. You didn’t expect me to leave and look for a cab at 3 am, did you?”

“Thank you,” I was grateful that I was back home safe.

“You’ve a nice place here,” He complimented and took out two plates.He had made eggs and bacon. He even had the coffee ready. “Did you have your medicine?”

“Yeah, umm, thanks, it belongs to my aunt.”

“This studio? Why does she own studios?” He asked.

“Umm, she had bought it for her daughter, but she, umm she passed away so, she gave it to me since, I was studying here as well. It is difficult to find a place here anyway. I’m fortunate,” I told him. Why did I have to tell him such details?

“You definitely are, it’s a beautiful place, and in the centre. Where do your parents live?” He asked.

“The food looks nice,” I changed the topic. “Thanks for making it.”

I think he got the clue and didn’t push it, “There you go, you have all your supplies ready. It was easy.”

“I like taking care of myself,” I smiled. “Where’s your shirt?” Not that I minded. He was a little too sexy to keep it all covered, and the attraction level for me was at an all-time high. I couldn’t say the same for him.

“Oh, it got wet in the rain. It still is wet.”

I got up and went to a room to take some large sized T-shirt out that I had bought for comfort clothes. “Wear this.”

“Thanks, your boyfriends?”

“I told you, I have never had a boyfriend,” I took a bite of my food. I moaned, “This is so good!” Harry laughed. “So, what did you mean about helping you?” I asked.

“Let it be, I don’t know what I was thinking,” he shook his head.

“No, tell me. You’ve made me feel guilty enough,” I said.

“Don’t you think you should feel that?” His eyes changed. He became so different when he was angry. “You take out the worst in me.” He picked up his plate and started washing it.

“I’m sorry that your heart is broken. But, I really didn’t break it. For the longest time, I knew her, she has never said anything positive about you. Ever. When I first saw you, I kept thinking that there should be something rotten about you which she hated. I still can’t figure it out. But, she detested being with you. I didn’t like seeing her that way, and so I helped her. I thought it was the right thing to do at that time. I thought I was saving both of you…”

“Who are you to save us?” He shouted. I took a step back.

“What do you want me to do now?” I asked, tears falling from my eyes.

“You thought there was something wrong with me? He asked turning around, his hands still clutching the table.

“There had to be, why would you run away from someone who loves you that much?” I thought, “But, maybe it was because you guys didn’t fit. You can now move on, and find your girl!”

“You know, do me a favour and don’t advise me. You cost me a relationship with a girl I wanted to marry. I think I have had enough.” He said, wiping his hands.

“Maybe you should stop blaming me and blame yourself and your girlfriend for having a relationship of hate and disgust. Fine, I am sorry that it was my voice that hurt you, but it was your girlfriend that ended it. It is the girl who you want to marry who danced and rejoiced after she broke your heart,” I took a step towards him with every line. He couldn’t take me as the one at fault. “She constantly cheated on you, started dating other men, almost instantly after she broke up. Said that you were controlling and the worst relationship she has ever had, and worse, Harry. I am sorry if that is the girl you love, but don’t blame me for being a horrible boyfriend that made the love of his life hate him as much as she wished you’d die!” I covered my mouth with my hand instantly. He was not supposed to know this. What have I done?

I saw a tear fall out of his eyes, and my heart shattered into pieces. First, it was this physical calling that I couldn’t get out my mind whenever he was near me, and now this. I instantly wrapped my hands around him and hugged him tightly. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I shouldn’t have said this to him. It was like holding a rock, cause he didn’t move. I apologized profusely, into his chest, told him that I didn’t mean it, this he wasn’t supposed to know. I repeated I’m sorry again and again.

Time passed, and then I felt his hands wrap around me to only push me away. “Don’t.” That was all he said before he collected his things and left.

—-

I didn’t talk to Harry for the next entire month. It was getting hard for me because against all my rational thinking, my heart had developed a crush on him. He was everything I admired about a guy put into one. It was a joke on me. Not being in a relationship ever, and then finally finding someone I admired at every step was horrible, especially when he used to turn around and walk away whenever he saw me.

I was at an art exhibition today. He was studying Media and Management, but he was an artist on the side, and his work was up today. We had common friends, and he had invited them. I paid for my ticket. I tried to look as pretty as I could. I knew his standards were high, and he never saw me. I was a lovesick idiot who hoped against all my beliefs that this would never work out.

Keeping to myself, I looked at the all the artists, slowly making my way to his work. It was a portrait of a girl sleeping. What shocked me was that it looked so much like me from that night, and then not. The dress was similar, and she was half covered with the blanket wrapped around her. I felt invaded, I felt heartbroken because he wasn’t showing any beauty in this. I walked to the next one. It was a girl sitting with a pile of books in what seemed like a cafe. She had my specs, she had my tattoo, she looked like a sick version of me. I saw the third, the last one. It was an image of a girl, looking as if she was getting off, on a log of wood. It was the worst. She was holding a knife that she had plunged into the wood. The work was called “heartless”.

I took a step back. Is this what he thought of me? This was me. It was no doubt. He must have seen my tattoo, and he had clearly used it. If there was any other sign, I would have believed otherwise. He projected the entire hatred he should be feeling for his girlfriend on me. My heart broke into pieces and tears fell down from my eyes. Wrapping my palm around my mouth, and my hand on my stomach, I tried to calm down. I had always been emotional, so connected and this broke me. I turned around and saw him standing in a suit with his hands in his pocket, his face blank, just looking at me. My hands fell down defeated, and I ran away.

—-

I felt sick. I had never had anyone hate me like this before. And, to be hated by the guy I really liked crushed me. Sara didn’t have anything to say. She told me that after I had told her about his work, she contacted him. And he replied with,

Not everything is about you. Anyway, you mean nothing to me.

At this moment, I felt nothing for Sara. She seemed hurt and, it really didn’t matter anymore. I don’t know if it was her being selfish, or him being irrational, but I had had enough, and I needed to step away from this duo. This time it was me who was running away from him in the corridors. I was hanging with a different set of group, trying to at least not take his friends away. My heart was broken, and I didn’t want anything to do with him or his issues.

The time I couldn’t ignore was when our common friend, Matthew threw his birthday party. I tried keeping away most of the time, trying to get drunk and talk to other guys, trying to Chanel some part of myself which could be attractive. I was suddenly, pulled in a game that I didn’t know, and I sat down lost, as the bottle rotated in front of me and it stopping between Harry and I. Everyone cheered, and Harry rolled his eyes. I was confused. What was happening? He crawled on his knees cutting the circle, as my eyes met his. Before I could turn away, his hands held my face and his lips were on mine. I couldn’t react. It was my first kiss. I didn’t want it to happen this way. I didn’t want him to have it. His power on me, made me respond and he put his tongue in as people cheered and shouted. It was then I pushed him away. I knew I looked bewildered, and he looked at me like, “what is the big deal?”

I could cry, I think I was crying. I got up, and walked away, pushing through the crowd as I heard my friends call me. I quickly booked a cab and stood in front of the gate. “Five mins, just five mins,” I whispered to myself.

“What the fuck happened?” I heard his voice, and a chill went down my spine. I turned around, knowing my makeup was all wet. His eyes seemed greener under the lights. I didn’t respond, and I turned around, trying to check how far the cab was now. “You made a scene back there, I deserve to know the issue since I was the one kissing. And, I am definitely not a horrible kisser.” He almost laughed.

“You are not. Is that enough for your ego? You can go now,” I said, trying to control my shivering.

“What’s wrong Y/N?” He asked again, trying to make me turn around. He pulled harshly the second time and, I yelled.

“It was my first kiss, you fucking asshole!”

“What?”

“And, no! I didn’t want it to be in a party, in a game, in front of people treating it as a joke with a guy who thinks I get off at hurting people!”

Harry came forward, “That’s not what I was trying to show-“

“I don’t care. I have never felt so invalid, worthless, and pathetic as you made me feel. You could have just written my name along with it because everyone knows it’s me. Everyone who has seen my tattoo knows that I am a sick human being who hurt you, while your pathetic girlfriend can go scot free. You are just using me because I am here to take your anger! You are screwed up!” I hit his chest, “You win! I get it I am horrible and ugly and pathetic and just wrong, and I don’t have any right to help people because I have never been loved. Not by parents, not by my friends, and it will never be by the guy I liked because he sees me as sick and disgusting. I saw it, and you win! Are you happy to see me as miserable as you?”

“Madame, did you order a cab?” The driver cuts us off, and I turned around.

“Yes, thank you,” I opened the car door, and turned to look at him. He was just staring at me. I shook my head and sat inside, asking the person to drive.

—

Part 4

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#52 Playing the Intermediary Part 4 (Harry Styles)

Because it’s Christmas…

SUMMARY:  Where Y/N plays the intermediary in a breakup and is stuck with the ex-boyfriend

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

—

It took awhile for me to get over what happened. Nobody saw it as a big deal, no one saw how uncomfortable it could have been for someone.For someone who hasn’t felt that touch ever in her life. I got over it. It happened and it was okay. I was ignoring all calls from Sara. She put me in this situation and was an awful help after. That wasn’t how a friend was supposed to be. I had taken a step back into advising people. I was reading a few books on how to improve. I know it was none of my business and, what I did was not fine. I would be crushed if I was told by my boyfriend’s friend about my breakup. It was humiliating.

I was keeping away from some people as well. Some people who knew Harry well now since it had been a while. Some people who knew about my tattoo and about Harry’s painting. I know they were questioning it, I know they were questioning me.

I was volunteering a lot more. I knew I was a good listener, but I chose where I opened my mouth, and let people come to their own decisions.  It was almost Christmas, and people were starting to leave. I knew I was not going back home. It didn’t make sense, it was another pain of choosing houses to go too, and dealing with obnoxious people who were plainly mean and ruined any feeling of the holiday spirit. I was better alone. I was planning to go to a couple museums and work with this one charity where we wrapped gifts for children. Then, plan a nice meal for myself and sit in - it was ideal really. And, then a few people will be back before New Year so, I was fine.

I walked into the charity with some nice Christmas gift wraps and was instantly let down to see him there. Harry Styles. He looked up and smiled. This was a select volunteer programme, only 6 people were selected and we had a partner. He was mine.

“How are you?” He asked.

“Fine, fine. Let’s get to work?” I said, sitting down. He had everything ready so, we just had to work.

“What are you still doing here? Not going back home?” He asked.

“Umm no,” I responded. I didn’t want to make small talk.

We kept quiet for a while, “We have wrapped 30 gifts now. Can we please say something to each other?” He groaned.

I just looked at him. I really had nothing to say.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. It was wrong for me to do that,” He apologized.

“It was a game,” I shrugged.

“I also, meant about the paintings,” he looked up. “I made them in the next three days after I left your house and I was angry. I didn’t want them to come out, but Giselle saw it and sent pictures to the gallery manager. That’s why I didn’t call you. I didn’t call you because I knew you’d get it. And, I made it at a time where I was really low, so low, and I don’t have anyone here Y/N. Painting is my only way… the only way I can get it out. But, I’m really sorry. It was wrong.”

“Do you think that bad of me?” I asked.

“What?”

“I have never had someone think that badly of me. I don’t get off at hurting you, and I’m not sick, I like to think I’m -  that I’m nice and not not..”

“Yeah.”

—-

“So, what about you? Aren’t you going back home?” I asked, walking out of the charity.

“No, I’m not. I lost my father last year, and I don’t have anyone else to go back to really. A stepmom, but we were never close.” He walked with me.

“Oh, okay.” I didn’t have anything else to say.

“And you aren’t going back because?” He asked.

“I don’t fit with my mother’s third husband’s family. And, my father’s wife is obnoxious. I don’t have many choices,” I told him.

“You’re fine with being alone?” He held my arm stopping me.

“I’m used to it,” I laughed.

He nodded, and we went our separate way.

—

“Hello, who is this?” I picked up my call.

“Hi, umm Hi. This is Harry.”

“Hey, hi, Merry Christmas!” I quickly said.

“Merry Christmas,” He mumbled.

“What happened?”  I asked.

“What are you doing?”

“I just made a lot of food, and I am going to watch a movie, you?”

“Can I join you?” He asked.

“Umm-“

“Please. I am not used to being alone. It is my first holiday alone without dad, and I am a bit, umm, a bit sad. I know, we aren’t on the best terms, but please,” I hadn’t heard anyone who sounded as pained as him.

“I’m sending my address.”

“I’ll get the alcohol.”

He arrived in the next 30 mins, looking a bit dishevelled. He was still so hot. I swore that my hormones didn’t care about anything. In these thirty minutes, I tried to fix my room which was a mess, I should have fixed myself. I still in my night clothes which I realized were a bit too skimpy for meeting someone.

“Thanks for inviting me,” He smiled.

“Come in,” I pulled the door open.

“I got everything I had in my cupboard. So, we have Tequila, Vodka, Cheap Rum, and Wine, it’s red,” He empties his huge bag.

“Wow, you got the bar! I went out on a spread and made a full Italian spread!”

“You have people coming?” He asked.

“No, just you. Come on, you can choose the movie!”

“I’m going to be a sap and say Love Actually,” He smiled. I groaned, why?

“It’s a Christmas movie, C'mon!” I climbed into my bed, he changed into his pyjamas and danced his way to me. “Thank you for having me. Are we starting with shots?” I nodded and we took three each.

“Shit, Love Actually,” I giggled, my head spinning. “Found it!”

He brought us rum, and I played the movie. His commentary went through the movie making me laugh so hard. I forgot all about our history, laughing with him as he repeated the dialogues, telling me details of the extra shots. It was the shortest movie ever.

“C’mon we should eat,” I tried getting up from the bed. I realized I was drunk when I placed my feet on the ground and fell back in the attempt to stand up on the bed.

“You fell,” He laughed, as sloshed as me. “We should dance.”

“Oh god,” I held my head, trying to walk towards the kitchen.

“Do you want lasagne or I made pasta or this pasta -“

“Lasagne,” Harry screamed. I nodded and cut the meal and put it in the microwave. Harry was fumbling outside with my speaker. “God, I love this song!” He moaned. “Come here,” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled in for a classic dance. How was it so easy to be around this guy? What was happening?

“Food’s ready,” I met his eyes. He was looking at my lips. He nodded but didn’t let me go. My eyes shifted to his, they looked so soft. Memories from that night flooded inconveniently only the feeling of his lips on mine, and how good they felt. I wasn’t thinking, I don’t think he was either. It was slow, I was more aware of his hand moving to hold my face, the other bringing me closer to his body. I closed my eyes when we kissed. This was willing, as my fingers pulled his hair, trying to get him closer. It was as if my mind shut off. We were jumping boundaries. If we told people how we came to this, I would come out looking like a bitch. I pushed him against the couch, my instinct taking over. He tasted like rum, and I was enjoying it too much. He sat down, our lips breaking, and I pushed my hair, aside. “Food’s ready,” he pulled me down, making me climb on him, as he kissed me again. I had never been this close to a guy, and my drunk mind was telling me to take his clothes off. I could feel his hand on my waist. My shirt rising up, I wasn’t wearing anything under. I stopped kissing him. He opened his eyes in question, “too fast,” I mumbled. Nodding, he tucked my flick behind my ear and placed another kiss on my lips.

“We chose Lasagne, didn’t we?” He asked.

—

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