Hey Hey Hey Whats That Bertrand Survives The Fire Au?

Hey hey hey what’s that Bertrand survives the fire au?

oh shit yeah i was gonna tell that to you lol thank you for reminding me

So the premise is what it says on the tin: Bertrandd survives the fire. however, some important notes before we begin the plot:

A lot of the plotpoints are highkey based off my theory that Beatrice and Bertrand were preparing to leave VFD and the Volunteer side of the schism started the fire, either because of this or because they were doing some shady stuff to accomplish it. 

Before the fire, Bertrand and Beatrice were helping Dewey and Kit compile evidence for the trial at Hotel Denouement so that after they left VFD they wouldn’t have to deal with the firestarters. This also may have been a reason for the fire. 

Bertrand spends several months trying to find his children, before reporting to VFD HQ in the Mortmain Mountains; his plan is to play dumb about who started the fire and pretend he’s hella loyal so they’ll help him find the kids. 

Once he gets to the Headquarters, he finds it burned to the ground... but he also finds Violet and Klaus, stumbling through with a masked Snow Scout. 

One very tearful reunion and very confused Quigley Reveal later, Bertrand finds out that not only has Olaf kidnapped Sunny, he’s done a shitton of stuff to the kids. His children are very shocked when his first plan is “We go find Olaf and I shoot him.” 

He explains the whole “VFD is a Cult” thing to the kids and how he was planning to play nice to find them. When they figure out Sunny’s at the top of the waterfall, Violet and Quigley still volunteer to go up and case the joint, while Bertrand and Klaus search for codes. They get back empty-handed and explain that Sunny was trying to spy on her captors and find the Last Safe Place. 

Bertrand: the last... it’s Hotel Denouement! I know that! That’s it we’re going up there. 

Originally, the plan was for them to climb up the waterfall and then for him to hide while the kids negotiate a trade for Sunny, and then as soon as she’s safe he can take care of the Firestarters, seeing as him being dead is a pretty good cover he doesn’t want to blow. This plan goes awry when Sunny reveals herself to be not-dead and runs to her siblings. Olaf tries to grab her, so Bertrand jumps out and grabs her first. 

There’s a big “oh shit” moment from basically everyone, but Bertrand and the kids manage to escape when the Snow Scouts get captured. 

Bertrand actually manages to keep Quigley with the group; he grabs him when he’s about to get swept downstream. Bertrand kinda semi-adopts Quigley oops. 

They reach the Widdershins submarine and Bertrand quickly is like “okay? remember the plan to pretend to be loyal? we’re gonna have to do that now because otherwise we are stranded.” 

Within, like, ten minutes, Bertrand decides he’s adopting Fiona, too. 

“How can he treat his DAUGHTER like that? Violet, I don’t do that to you, do I?” 

Bertrand is on the sub when Widdershins and Phil abandon ship. He unsuccessfully tried to convince him to stay for his stepdaughter, and was highkey pissed when the kids got back. Fiona broke down and Bertrand was just like “Okay listen. I’m your dad now.” 

idk how the rest of TGG goes but I do know that it ends with Bertrand on Briny Beach with the kids. 

Poe is like “why does this man look like your father?” “Because he FUCKING IS”

Bertrand knows the police + poe won’t be able to do shit so he leads the kids to the taxi. “Hey, Kit, we need a ride.” 

Kit, who thought Bertrand was dead until two seconds ago: HOLY FUCK 

I have some plans for TPP and TE too but this is getting long and they won’t let me put Readmores on asks so all I’m going to say is Bertrand arrives on the island like “SURPRISE BITCH I BET YOU THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF ME” and starts a coup in like five minutes 

first and last meetings

The Immortal Society AU

Sophie loves to say that she started the Illuminati of the immortal people. It’s not a cult, it’s not a club, it’s a… community of healing and love. Immortals aren’t hard to spot — their language, behavior, and interests are a little too attached to the past, they maintain shallow relationships while severing their deep ones, and they have the weirdest concept of time. And when they’re all in the same place? Chaos. Absolute chaos. This is their lives.

Note: Most don’t know when exactly they turned from mortal to immortal. How they “turn” depends on no particular reason, other than the universe decided to fuck you up that day. Since no one can “choose” to be immortal, Sophie and Merlin have made it their ambition (and challenge) to find long-term financial stability for their fellow immortals.

Agatha:

- turned sometime in the 1500s. She was imprisoned for witchcraft in her time, and suffered the crippling second-hand embarrassment when the mob of village Puritans tried to kill her (and failed). On their tenth attempt to burn her at the stake, she hid a few sticks of dynamite under her lumpy dress as a little good-bye present and watched everyone else burn. Although the witch-hunting fever has long passed, she STILL wears her huge boots and smocks, and often mutters to herself about Doomsday — out of spite.

- She drifted from city to city, and lived alone with whatever stray cat she found in the area. Her cat’s name was always some goth variation of a mythical figure. Right now, it’s Reaper.

- It was just bad timing that Agatha was traveling through Paris during the Reign of Terror. Understandably, she faked her death and never went back to Europe again.

- spent the 1800s holed up in a hotel in New York and studying at Princeton under the name Edgar Callis.

- resurfaced officially in the roaring 20’s, where she found Merlin, Sophie, and the Society. She made her first friends in centuries and finally started to build a life again.

Tedros:

- turned after he inherited the family fortune in 2000, (rather recently). He promptly abandoned his life in Monaco and ran off to see the world. After going MIA, his half-brothers took over his father’s business and Tedros was left with nothing. It wasn’t long before he suffered a nervous breakdown. Sophie had caught on quickly — said it was textbook rebellious rich boy — and begged him to join.

- never bothers to change his appearance. Basically, he looks like a knockoff NSYNC member. **sorry, a hot knockoff NSYNC member.

- tries to be “normal”. he’s working a sales job and finishing his foreign language degree. it’s a significant downgrade, but it’ll do for now.

- All his friends are genuinely frustrated that he’s “single” and make it a personal mission to get him laid. They don’t know he’s been dating Agatha for three years. It’s a miracle. 

Sophie:

- She’s been around for a goddamn while, but she’ll never admit what century she turned. She claims to have been involved with Julius Caesar and Cleopatra on multiple occasions, but of course no one knows that for sure.

- she was a singer/actress/model, and at one point, a duchess. She’s conned so many celebrities and aristocrats it’s like second nature. She only stopped because Hort bet her that she couldn’t be a Good Person for a whole year. It’s been two weeks without a slip-up, and Sophie is struggling.  

- created The Immortal Society with an unlikely friend coworker, Merlin. They work well together when they’re at least a mile apart, with noise-canceling headphones.

- She’s surprisingly hard-working and… let’s say a CREATIVE problem-solver. When it comes to connections within the Society, she truly has the right motives and believes in the potential of people.

Merlin:

- considerably younger than Sophie, but acts like he’s the oldest

- finds Arthurian legend funny and will never confirm or deny whether it’s true

- works as a museum conservator —basically preserves fossils and artifacts

- the type of person to say “ok boomer” while simultaneously being a boomer

- lets Sophie do 90% of the work because he just can’t be bothered. only steps in when it’s necessary. He focuses on the bonding aspects of the Society and loves being a matchmaker.

- has a reputation for “playing with the kids”. takes new immortals on fieldtrips to Thailand and Denmark and has fortune teller nights with Bogden and Willam (tarot cards, palm readings, séances, etc).

Hort:

- Everyone in the Society teases him for part-timing at an antique shop (how much more stereotypical can you get) but he makes bank anyway.

- Calls Sophie his on-and-off girlfriend, Sophie calls him her easiest investment.

- Lived in Rome since the 30′s before moving to California. He’s having trouble befriending the American freaks.

- takes pride in being old-fashioned, still uses a gramophone and drives a Bentley

- convinced that the happy ending of his rags to riches immigrant love story is Nicola…… or Sophie. It’s literally been decades and he can’t decide.

Nicola:

- she’s a lawyer. yes, she’s THAT Harvard bitch!

- she’s convinced that all immortals are academic prodigies (in reality, most don’t know the first thing about the time period they came from).

- received PhDs in history, anthropology, and sociology just to keep up with everyone else. Obviously, Merlin’s dying to adopt her even though she’s 20.

- Probably had a fling with Sophie. Naturally, Sophie reeled Hort into their relationship and never looked back.

- Looks like Anathema from Good Omens.

If you would like me to do the Coven too, pls tell me! 

anakin: i gotta go save the chancellor.

literally everyone:

“You don’t look like a monster”

“I’ll tell you a secret, Hanna. The really bad monsters never look like monsters”

actually my favorite thing about riverdale s3 is that i don't think anyone ever even bothered to tell archie about g&g or the farm outside of a few minor details. kevin probably came back with a missing kidney and archie was like i have scars too bro 😔 and kevins like i got my kidney forcibly removed by a cult leader and archies like i don't know what that means