i-want-to-die-but-i-dont - what even is life?
what even is life?

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Are We ; Kazuha, Ayato, Alhaitham, & Tartaglia

Are We ; Kazuha, Ayato, Alhaitham, & Tartaglia
Are We ; Kazuha, Ayato, Alhaitham, & Tartaglia
Are We ; Kazuha, Ayato, Alhaitham, & Tartaglia
Are We ; Kazuha, Ayato, Alhaitham, & Tartaglia

“are we…” ; kazuha, ayato, alhaitham, & tartaglia

details — here on another agenda of listening to songs, reading the lyrics, realizes how it would sound so good on a fic, and boom! slapping it on a character i think would suit it; basically, songs and tropes as some genshin men

characters — alhaitham, ayato, kazuha, tartaglia (w/gender-neutral reader)

tags — a sprinkle of angst, some of them are out of character, nothing happy is going on (my life relates to it) ; headcanons/scenario

words — 1558

note — getting back to writing so sorry if this fic seems shitty, i’m trying to get my style back by reading the fics i wrote. also i’ll be mostly writing in lowercase now bcs i’m typing on my phone

Are We ; Kazuha, Ayato, Alhaitham, & Tartaglia

waiting ; unrequited love — kazuha (bags by clairo)

“can you see me? i’m waiting for the right time.”

kazuha settles on a boundary between you two, standing close behind it, afraid to take a step and cross. and though he was a man who had no fears and wouldn’t let anything hold him back from attaining what he wants, he was scared of going past the boundary as if he would be treading the path of misery once he chooses to do so.

there is always the urge to touch you, the desire to feel your skin underneath his fingertips and unbeknownst to him, his hand would act on its own—he would reach out, his fingers stopping close to your skin before immediately taking his hand back once the realization of his actions had sunk inside his head: “what is it?” you have asked him upon noticing his actions and he could only shake his head before saying, “there’s something on your hair.”

he has this strong sense of denial whenever he does something for you or says something to you, reasoning the flowers that he gives from time to time as an act of friendship and appreciation or the poetry that he creates with you in mindbut he keeps hidden was just because you were too beautiful to not have your being expressed in words and written in poems—

—and every single day, in each morning that he wakes up, he strongly believes that his feelings for you had already dissipated into thin air as if it never existed in the place but only to see your stupid smile and mesmerizing eyes and having himself fall in love again. oh, the amount of times he convinces and tells himself that he’ll avoid you from then on only to have himself basking in your presence later on: “this is the last time,” he tells himself.

there are only two states he would end up in if he decides to go further the line, without you and with you, and he wasn’t stupid to not know that he’ll only have the former happen to him.

he would rather have you close to him and yearn for you despite being so near than the heartbreak and admiring you afar.

“it’s not like you’re in love with me or anything, right?”

toxic ; unhealthy relationships — alhaitham (cry by cigarettes after sex)

“saying you’d wait for me to stay, i know it hurts you.”

you don’t have a toxic relationship with alhaitham nor did you have a healthy one but instead it was miserable, simply one-sided. however, it wasn’t like that at first, he wasn’t like this at first when you two would decide to start over again and create a fresh new page of your love story only for it to end in the same way.

he was good, was great, was wonderful—was. you don’t even know how it got to this point. how did the gentle and sweet murmurs of love and compliments turn to endless shouting and fights at every chance you two get? alhaitham, despite already having raised his voice at you on several occasions, had never raised his hand at you but nevertheless, it doesn’t make anything less hurtful.

“let’s just stop this, i’m tired,” it was clear, it was obvious that the only solution for this wretchedness was to simply just stop and end everything, to cut yourself off him but it doesn’t seem to happen. alhaitham, who possesses such great knowledge and intelligence to know the answer to nearly every problem, never seems to understand that. moments of begging, of asking for forgiveness, for a chance that you always give him, that you always provide him outright, seemingly served and topped with the syrup of your tears and blood.

he only loves you when he’s about to lose you, you know that. you weren’t blind but perhaps you were dumb with that but he loves you then, right? if he really does love you at those moments, then perhaps he did love you right from the start and he just never realized it—it was an endless cycle of gaslighting and making a fool of yourself, finding the reason and making logic out of his actions and words.

it was hard to lose him, you were too used to his presence always guiding you, helping you, and encouraging you that the moment you lost him, you just never seemed to know anything—like a child that was just taken out of the womb, you knew nothing, even yourself. it was a clear fact that you were nothing without him and without you, he was nothing.

“what happened to us, alhaitham?”

convenience ; arranged marriage w/ one-sided feelings — ayato (you’re losing me by taylor swift)

“i wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser.”

it was a marriage of convenience—oh, how you hated the word itself. it feels like a painful slap on your face whenever you hear it being used along with the word marriage, one that would leave a burning mark on your skin.

ayato tried to be a good husband, he tried, really. even when he would come home late, he would always have something to give you. despite not having that many conversations and seldomly seeing each other outside the dining room and bedroom, he would still treat you rather kindly and gently, even when you spend most of your nights alone in a bed that was too large for one, you never felt lonely (perhaps you do, you just don’t want to face it because then you’ll realize that your good husband wasn’t good at all); “i apologize, my dear. here, i bought you something on the way back.”

perhaps all of those acts of kindness and sweetness are his way of saying sorry but what’s there to say sorry for even? was it because he failed to arrive for dinner every time or was it just the whole marriage experience overall?

everything was built on convenience, the only time you two would talk to each other is when it’s needed and the conversation you two will have would end rather shortly and the only time he would touch you in a way that makes you feel loved and cherish—making love—is when it’s convenient for him; you were just never a priority, not anything of importance in his life.

what hurts even more is that ayato isn’t even doing any of this because of a boundary that you two had made but rather there was really nothing in between you two, nothing, not even a speck of dust could be found in the distance you two had.

ayato wasn’t even in a state of turmoil, he wasn’t in a position wherein he had to choose something, to sacrifice, to risk something, it’s just that you were there—you were convenient and not because he chose to choose you over anything else. you were easy to woo, easy to hold, easy to fool.

did he really lose you when he never even wanted you to be his in the first place?

“isn’t this convenient for the both of us?”

pleasure ; one-night stand turned to friends w/ benefits— childe/tartaglia (k. by cigarettes after sex)

“we had made love earlier that day with no strings attached, but i could tell that something had changed how you looked at me then.”

it was simply a relationship that was born out of pleasure; created with the foundation of desire, lust, and need. formed in a single night to escape the reality of the misery of your own lives and consistently being nurtured like a seed that was dropped into the soil and naturally taken care of by the rain and sun—it all seemed natural, him inviting you out for dinner, enjoying your time with his stupid jokes and flirty remarks that is luring you to another night of passion just to wake up with a note and a cold bed the next morning.

and there are times you wish to disappear from his life, to stop whatever you two have, and simply just release yourself from his grasp and though he also wishes for the same, childe always holds onto you so tightly as if he never wants you to leave, as if he always want you to stay even if he knows that he’s hurting you, even if you’re just hurting each other; somewhere deep inside his bones, in the crevices of his mind, he doesn’t wish to see you with someone else other than him despite the fact that he wants you to be happy; “stay with me,” he had told you as he kissed and held you.

but childe was a romantic, he always shower you praised in and out of the bed, he was sweet to you; a gentleman with his words and actions. he was lovely, so breathtaking, so poisonous and it wasn’t hard to love him. and he was well-aware of how your gaze seems to linger at him, how there’s something swirling and drowning in the depths of your eyes, and he was well-aware of what it was. and yet, he chooses to ignore it—was it for the good of himself? for you? either way, he can’t have himself falling.

had you known that night with him would end up in this way, you wouldn’t have taken his rough yet gentle hand on that night.

“what’s there for me to stay for?”

Are We ; Kazuha, Ayato, Alhaitham, & Tartaglia

© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.

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More Posts from I-want-to-die-but-i-dont

What They Do After Their Breakup with You

Pairing: Honkai Star Rail Men feat. Blade, Dan Heng, Gepard, Jing Yuan, Welt Yang, and Sampo x Reader (separately)

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Reader is GN except Jing Yuan’s (unless you don’t mind being called “queen”)

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Blade carves your name on his weapon.

If his sword breaks, he’ll just do it again. And again. And again. 

He’ll restore it as much as he needs to; until the relationship he had with you is restored too.

The pain courses through his veins whenever he slashes through his enemies, and even more so when he bleeds. 

It used to be bearable, but when you left him because of his circumstances, he somehow just feels everything even more.

The sword he has is supposed to be as durable as the weapon he has become. But each time, he wonders why every blade he carved your name on just breaks easily.

Is there really no more hope for you and him?

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Dan Heng locks the archives containing information about you.

The trickiest part of being a trailblazer is that all relationships formed in every world need to be transient.

But rare occurrences and outliers happen, and that includes you in Dan Heng’s world.

So when he assigned a password to your data, Dan Heng feels like a part of him is tucked away, not abandoned yet inaccessible at the same time. You’ve become a part of his mystery now, the dark side that no one needs to know about.

Nobody in the Astral Express dares to question the locked portion of the data bank either, because they all know what happened between you and him.

Whenever he can’t go back to sleep after a nightmare, he’ll access your records just to remember what it’s like to be with you. It’s what brings him comfort.

image

Gepard has a trusted Silvermane guard to keep watch over you.

He can no longer protect you directly, he knows he lost that right after he put his duty before you, so he sends one of his men to provide him with a report of how you’re doing.

The slightest mention of how you’re hurt or, aeons forbid, in danger, he’ll leap into action, trying so hard to be behind the scenes.

But he fails to conceal that fact, and you find out either way.

He acts cold when you do catch him, and in response, he utters scripted lines that all Silvermane guards recite after helping out a Belobog citizen.

You both know it’s ridiculous, but there is now a wall of ice between you and him that is far too difficult to overcome.

What They Do After Their Breakup With You

Jing Yuan subconsciously protects the queen on his side of the chessboard in every duel.

Yanqing points out he’s supposed to watch the king and Jing Yuan merely chuckles in response. It crushes him inside after he realizes what he’s doing.

“My queen,” he addressed you once as he placed a tender kiss on your knuckles.

You tried to reach out to him countless times after you recovered from your injuries, but he makes it a point to keep avoiding you. He feels like he failed to protect you, and he’s still beating himself up over it even if it happened a century ago.

When he’s alone, Jing Yuan would pick up the queen piece and stare at it, even going as far as cradling it close to his lips, murmuring all of his unspoken apologies. He is most afraid of putting you in danger again, so he has to be contented with the knowledge that you’re safe even if he has to stay away from you.

But who was he kidding, just like the king on his chessboard, he feels defenseless that you’re no longer with him.

After all, what is a king without his queen?

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Sampo stops being happy-go-lucky.

He’s flippant most of the time and hardly takes anything seriously, but that is exactly what pushed you away and he was too late to realize it. 

Sampo surprised the members of Astral Express and Wildfire when he actually pulls through with his word without any strings attached.

He made a mistake with how he treated you so he now makes it a point to honor every agreement he enters.

He thinks that maybe if you learn of his steadfast behavior from others, you’ll take him back.

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Welt creates tons of sketches of you.

He made them before and he’ll continue making them even if you’re no longer together.

Welt tends to pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance whenever he comes to his senses after excitedly pulling out his phone with the intention of sending you a photo of his latest sketch.

[This user cannot be reached.]

The automated message glares at him which results in him throwing his phone across his room.

He hopelessly creates scenarios of what he could’ve done to keep you close to him, and he continues to torture himself as he watches the animations of his imagined situations with you.

It’s unlike him to make something of this genre, but at least there is a perfect world where you and he can be together again.

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Do not copy, translate, or plagiarize. Reblogs are much appreciated.


Tags :

stars in his eyes  ﹒  ml

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info﹕mark lee was originally just a name to you — until the day you found out you had many connections with him.

genre﹕fluff, angst, comedy, slowburn, mark x f reader, slight yeonjun x reader, annoying bsf jaemin, university au

wc﹕21k+

warnings﹕mentions of underage drinking

an﹕omfg its FINALLY done. PLEASE ENJOY

Stars In His Eyes Ml

when people hear the name mark lee, it’s almost as if a light bulb turns on in their head, the cogs of their brains rotating and immediately recognizing the infamous name. his heart was as big as his smile, although he was a little shy towards acquaintances, he has always been kind hearted and thoughtful towards everyone.

seeing mark lee was like an unspoken routine for people of your university; always late to his classes, people would see him running across campus, textbooks nearly falling out of his bag as he waved to friends he passed by. him being a music major, it wasn’t odd to see him sitting at a table on campus, headphones in his ears as he bounced his head to a song he was working on.

in all honesty, you had no connections to mark lee, or so you thought. he was just a name you knew, a face that you could point out in the crowd due to seeing the young man stumble throughout the uni halls. 

“oh my god, i’m so sorry,” a voice says to you as you make harsh contact with them, knocking you down to the ground. you let out a huff of frustration, the stranger holding out his hand for you to take.

you look up, eyes meeting a pair of chocolate brown ones that belong to mark lee. your mouth was slightly parted, staring up at the young man. you reach out to grab ahold of his hand, him pulling you up gently. you dust off your knees, the boy clearing his throat.

“again, sorry,” mark mutters out, picking up the items that had fallen out of your bag when you had dropped to the ground. 

“it’s fine,” you assure him, swallowing the built up saliva in your mouth. the boy looks back to you, squinting his eyes, before they widen again and his mouth forms into an ‘O’ shape.

“i know you,” he states. you lift a brow, adjusting the strap of your tote bag on your shoulder.

“do you?” you reply casually.

“yeah, um, you’re y/n, right? i’m not sure if you remember but we met in high school? senior year?”

Keep reading


Tags :
Sleepyhead. (version Two.)

sleepyhead. (version two.)

Sleepyhead. (version Two.)

in which you can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, at the most unconventional of places, which is how the traveller and paimon find out about your relationship with him.

Sleepyhead. (version Two.)

pairing. alhaitham, lyney x gn reader

tags. fluff, slight(?) crack, established relationship

notes. i wanted to write an alhaitham & lyney part for this idea that day but got tired so i dIDNT but here they are <3 also mightve sorta gotten carried away at lyneys part...

neuvillette & scaramouche vers.

Sleepyhead. (version Two.)

“Paimon's so tired she could sleep for days,” Paimon complains, flopping against Lumine's shoulder. She points at someone off to the side. “Like that person over there! Paimon doesn't know why they don't just go inside their house to sleep, though.”

Lumine turns, curious. And there you were, slumped in the corner of the porch, clutching a lunchbox in one hand with a few books balancing atop it.

“Wait, isn't that Alhaitham's house??”

It was.

“Why's some random person sleeping on Alhaitham's front door? Let's go check them out!” Suddenly re-energized, Paimon floats over to your sleeping body.

You donned the uniform of an Akedemiya scholar, and on closer inspection, the books you held were on a variety of topics. Architecture, astrology, marine biology...? Lumine was vaguely reminded of Layla.

“We should wake them up. Alhaitham surely won't be happy to find someone in front of his house like this.” Paimon then glances around surreptitiously, voice lowering into a hushed whisper. “Plus, if they wake up when Kaveh comes home...”

Lumine sighs, giving your shoulder a gentle shake. You don't stir, not one bit. She moves to try again, crouching down to your level when—

“Don't.”

Paimon shrieks.

“Don't scare Paimon like that!” she whines, whirling around to face Alhaitham.

Lumine stands herself, tilting her head to the side curiously. Paimon asks the question for her. “Why not? Do you know them? Don't tell me you're friends — Paimon thought you didn't have any friends! Ahem. No offence.”

“None taken,” he says.

The most oddest thing happens then. He stoops down, a hand around your back, the other supporting your legs. He picks you up easily, and you only snuggle closer toward his chest, as if on instinct.

“Help me pick their things up. Thank you.”

“Wait, so you know them?” Paimon chirps in, filling the silence with ease as Alhaitham unlocks the door, allowing everyone inside.

Alhaitham nods. “I do. In fact, we are partners.”

“Like, in work or...?”

“As in romantically.”

Lumine studies the position the both of you were in. Your head buried in his chest, his arms tight around your figure. He raises an eyebrow, ever so slightly challenging, and she decides to say nothing. Aw, it seemed Alhaitham did have a heart.

Paimon shrieks, again. “You?! You're dating someone? How?!”

“Please keep your volume down,” he tells her, setting you on the couch softly. With an imperceptibly fond glance thrown your way, he admits you do not get a lot of sleep.

“Oh, sorry!” Paimon whispers. “But — but how?”

Alhaitham shrugs, the picture of nonchalance, but there is a tilt in his lip that hadn't been there before. “I have been told I make a good pillow.”

Sleepyhead. (version Two.)

“Lyney's so cool, Paimon wonders how he does all his tricks!” Paimon gushes. The praise is not unfounded — that performance still had Lumine's head whirling. Paimon hums, “Do you think he'll tell us if we asked? He did so the last time...”

She shrugs in reply. It was worth a shot.

“Then let's go find him!!”

They turn backwards, walking down the steps toward the backstage — Lyney and Lynette would definitely be there still. The Opera House had already been cleared of anybody minutes ago, awestruck audience leaving the scene babbling away about the show.

Except for one last person.

Paimon frowns, pointing at someone in the front row seats. You're curled up in the cushy chair, fast asleep. Paimon tutts. “How could someone fall asleep during Lyney's show? It was so good!”

Lumine shushes her. There wasn't any need to comment about anyone else. They had to find Lyney, after all.

“Lyney!!” Paimon calls, peeking a head in. “You have to tell Paimon how you did those tricks!”

The magician in question turns, smile widening at the sight of them. “And if it isn’t my two most loyal fans! I'm afriad I must disappoint you, a magician never reveals his secrets.”

“Hello, Lumine, Paimon,” Lynette greets them. “We're about to have lunch at the cafe. Would you like to join us?”

“Food!” Paimon squeals, eyes shining now. She nods eagerly.

Lyney laughs smoothly. “Let's be off then! We mustn't let my darling be waiting too long. If not, they might just asleep.”

“That reminds Paimon! There was someone sleeping in the front row — the front row!” Paimon huffs, kicking her feet. “So rude! Your show definitely wasn't boring enough to sleep through.”

At this, Lyney and Lynette share a glance. Lumine doesn't comment on it, for Paimon's already on another spiel.

You're still asleep, curled up in the same cat-like way as before. Paimon points at you, mouth parted to speak, but Lyney beats her to the punch, shushing her.

“Let me,” he says.

“Erm, what's he doing?”

Lynette sighs. “Being a dumbass.”

Lyney cups your cheek with his palms, pressing a kiss to your nose. (“Does he do this with everyone who falls asleep??” Paimon asks, almost horrified.) He smiles, something softer, something sweeter than Lumine's ever seen him smile. “Rise and shine, mon ange.”

Your eyes crack open. At the sight of him, you avert your gaze.

“I'm sorry I fell asleep during your show,” you murmur regretfully.

He shakes his head. “Nevermind that, darling. Did you sleep well?”

“To the sound of your voice?” you ask, voice lilting, almost enchanting. “Perfectly.”

He flushes. Like an honest to god blush. Even Paimon is struck dumb at the sight.

“You flatter me,” he laughs, helping you out of your seat. His gaze never seems to leave yours.

“I can't help it.” You pout. The two of you seem to be in your own world at this point. “It's not my fault my boyfriend has the most soothing voice.”

“Wait. BOYFRIEND?!”

Sleepyhead. (version Two.)

Tags :

Baseball (& Other Disasters)

image

Description. Everyone admired Mark Lee, starting pitcher of your school’s baseball team and famed ladies man. You, on the other hand, only know him as the boy who broke your dorm lobbies microwave the first time you met.

Too bad that was all it took to grow an embarrassingly huge crush on him. 

So when he comes to you, in need of a new baseball manager, how could you say no to that face? (Spoiler: You couldn’t) 

Pairings. Mark Lee x Female Reader

Genre. Romance, F2L, Idiots to lovers, Mutual Pining

Warnings. Cursing, An awkward scene of you walking in on the deed being done, suggestive comments,  (I think that’s it?)

Word count. 10k … 

Note: I had so much fun writing this, sorry if it seems like it moved too fast, I didn’t want it to be too long since it’s been sitting in my drafts forever! Anyways, enjoy and remember feedback is always appreciated <3

Mark Lee is out fifty dollars, a phone bill, and most recently, a baseball manager. And he’s about to pull his hair out, because seriously, who quits right before the season starts? Not to help that he could’ve never seen it coming. 

Keep reading


Tags :

okay okay so, since im already on the angst train and i want to hurt myself today, hear me out:

you and your lover are out doing wtv and you're ambushed and then, naturally, you guys fight the enemies right?

okay so you get hurt and youre losing a lot of blood and your lover realizes this and is completely heartbroken bc you dont have much time, the wound is deep

so um yeah the reader dies in their lover's arms basically, with albedo, heizou, kazuha, wanderer, xiao and kaeya

theres so many characters im curious abt so please take your time mwah

(ps: i will not pay anyone's therapy okay i need it myself, my condolaences for hurting you)

✎ i wasn't ready to say goodbye [various men - part one]

ft. albedo, aether, heizou, kazuha, wanderer, xiao & kaeya x fem!reader

content: do i need to say angst? i'm so sorry. major death + blood warnings. implied that reader can handle a weapon in most of them - unspecified if reader is a vision holder. hurt with absolutely no comfort. semi-spoilers for scaramouche/wanderer's story (end of the sumeru archon quests.)

notes: we added aether last second in the discord bc we summoned aki ( @kazumist - aly wanted you tagged ) some of them are awful and ooc i'm so sorry - officially managed this in just over 24 hours!

Okay Okay So, Since Im Already On The Angst Train And I Want To Hurt Myself Today, Hear Me Out:

albedo treasures you more than he cares to admit verbally. it shows in all of his acts of love through physical means, lingering touches and making sure you're warm whenever you visit him on dragonspine. he hates you visiting him as much as he loves you - it's merely because it puts you in extreme danger every time. there's the temperatures, the wildlife, the lack of oxygen and of course, there's the monsters lurking around every corner of the inhabited mountain.

as the chief alchemist for the knights of favonius, there's always a warrant for albedo's life one way or another. the fatui are eager to stop his research - or steal it, maybe both.

there's a silence except for the howling winds that circle the snowy mountain. you're struggling to breathe, to get the sharp air into your lungs as you lowered your sword slowly. not far away, your boyfriend is finishing off the final fatui soldier, blood splattering onto his sleeve before he turns to face you. is it just you or does albedo look even more beautiful right now? you furrow your brows in confusion. albedo looks like he's seen a ghost, colour flushing from his face when he rushes forward. your knees give way under you and he barely manages to catch you in his arms, kneeling as he lets you lay against him. "bedo, love?" you mumble, unsure as to what's happening. you can hear the roar of your blood in your ears, your heart is beating whilst the adrenaline still pumps through your body. albedo hushes you softly, pupils dilated when he looks at your wound. "h-how do you feel?" his voice cracks when he asks the question, a gloved hand applying pressure to your side. you wince, the adrenaline is starting to fade and you feel faint. there's a cold sweat glistening on your forehead when you look down at where albedo's hand is, seeing the blood seep through your clothing. it's albedo's turn to watch your expression drop, your world starting to spin and mix together when the adrenaline is gone and you're aware of what happened. it feels as if there's a lump in your throat but when you try to cough it up, only blood spills in a small trickle out of your mouth. "love-" there's another cough, the blood is running down your jaw as albedo's hands start to shake. he has no means of saving you out here, you're nowhere near camp and he can't leave you here while he gets help, "i want to go home..." your voice is weak, trailing off and albedo isn't sure if he should let the tears brinking his ocean coloured eyes fall as your breaths become raspy. chapped lips open and close, trying to find the words to reply to you but all he can muster is a weak "we're going home, dear" when your chest ceases to rise again. his breathing is jagged, clutching you close to him as if you’ll disappear for good when he lets go.

aether clings to you like ivy to a brick building. you give him hope in this search for his twin sister - one he's beginning to think is failing, day by day. you reassure him, that bright smile and sparkling eyes setting him on the right path. he's certain he would have gave up ages ago if it wasn't for you. but aether realises that he is constantly in danger. you love to adventure with, crossing the rolling hills of mondstadt and gawking at the grand mountain peaks of liyue that pierce through clouds.

it was only so long before he faced the repercussions for so willingly letting you travel with him, tearing his hope away in the blink of an eye.

"a-aether?" your voice is wavering, aether is confused. you've been travelling with him for so long now, what could possibly have scared you about some hilichurls? but he turns to face you, blade at the ready - ready to protect you. his eyes fall on the arrow lodged in your chest, your eyes wide in fear as you stare at him in panic. it was already too late to protect you, he'd failed himself. aether drops the sword in his hand, paying no mind to how it clutters on the gravel below you both when he's rushing forward to ease you to the ground. you're stable - awake but for how long? you're in shock, it's going to fade and you'll succumb to the blood reddening your attire. aether swears lightly under his breath, unable to look you in the eyes out of pure guilt; this was his fault, he hadn't protected you. now not only had he lost his sister, he'd lost his partner too. "it hurts to breathe," you mumble, your eyelashes are fluttering gently. the sun behind aether is starting to burn at your eyes, "aether why are you crying?" the blond isn't even aware of the salty tears that glisten in the sunlight when they roll down his cheeks, dripping off his jaw and onto your shoulder where aether has laid your head onto his lap. it's comfortable, just as it always is. on days where you needed a break from walking, aether would often let you lay like this under a nearby tree. the thought makes aether choke out a sob. you smile sadly. "you can't leave me too," your hand cups his cheek, thumb weakly stroking at the tearstained skin when he hiccups, "no, this isn't fair." there isn't civilisation for days and he can't keep the arrow lodged in your chest nor does he have the means of stopping the blood if he pulls it out. aether is at a loss, unable to do anything while he watches the damage done to you internally take you from him beneath his own hands. "hey, you'll find her." you sound so certain, just as you always do and aether watches that positive spark die from your eyes when your breaths turn to rasps and he finds himself yelling at your body - at the sky, at anybody! he yells and yells, hoping someone listens to his cries for you to wake up. wake up, please.

heizou believes that of all the cases he's cracked, you're his favourite. he's read every line written into your skin as you age, the blemishes that litter your body and tell tales untold. you were his favourite mystery but now he had you like a stained glass window, beautiful and on display. although as a detective, heizou has destroyed many more lives than he is keen to admit. his suspects have families - lives, presumably before he has them in jail or worse, life sentence.

their families are hurt, angrily in denial that their own blood could commit such vile atrocities. heizou took something precious from them, what was stopping them from doing the same to him in an act of revenge?

heizou is more than used to his routine of coming home to you, being able to drown in the comfort of your arms after a long day of work. he's disturbed by the front door being open but albeit it's the peak of summer in inazuma, the humidity is drowning you, especially if you're not native to the islands. you're not quick to greet them when he steps in however, in fact he can't even see you. the house is untouched but the silence is deafening. "i'm home," heizou calls out, brows knitting together when he doesn't hear you chime his name back excitedly, "love?" the silence is killing heizou, it's unlike you at all but then he hears it, the meek sound of you calling his name out back. it sounds like you're in the bedroom and with a relieved smile, heizou finds himself heading to find you. but verdant eyes fall on the red smeared on the walls, staining the bedsheets and pooling around you. the relief is gone and his body is tense with dread as he drops the case files he'd been holding, quick to kneel with you and hug you close when you reach for him. "what happened?" his voice is panicked, he's barely breathing when he feels your blood soak through his clothes. he's searching you for your wound, shaking, "love, answer me." your chapped lips open but nothing seems to come out, you feel cold to the touch and all you can do is stare up at heizou. you knew the moment you was attacked that this was it for you but your biggest fear wasn't death, it was heizou. it was your witty detective, keen and full of intuition that he prides himself in; it was whether you'd see him one last time before your heart put in its final beat. heizou doesn't take your inability to speak lightly, letting out a flurry of curses that makes your brows furrow in distaste. you wasn't fond of him swearing when he got stressed but as you watch a tear fall down his cheek, you know you can't argue about his tongue anymore. he has every right to be mad when your bloody hand reaches up for him, the warm palm of his hand quick to grab your hand and coat his fingers. "i love you," you mumble, raspy and heizou is quick to shake his head - conserve your energy, "don't cry please." "you're not allowed to leave me," he chokes out, his lower lip tugged between his lips as his spare hand presses on your wound to try stop the bleeding. you wince but heizou doesn't lighten the pressure in fear, "i'll find who did this." your lips curl up at his words and heizou leans to press a kiss to your forehead, which is clammy and covered in a light sheen. by the time he pulls away, he's the only one left breathing in the room. heizou's shaking hands cup your cheeks, eyes darting around the room when he doesn't quite know what to do. he's used to this - the blood, the smell, the touch of a lifeless body but not when it's you. not when it's the love of his life. he wails in anguish, the taste in his mouth bitter when he swears revenge on whoever took you from him.

kazuha took his time warming up to you when you first met. you didn't blame him, you'd heard the tale of his late friend from captain beidou when you first came onboard the alcor. but your patience with him warmed his heart quicker than expected, leaving you inseparable as you travelled with the crew. even on land, kazuha was joined to your hip. he claimed he was there to protect you and that excuse expanded tenfold when you started dating.

he should have never taken his eyes off you, simply searching for firewood shouldn't have consequences like this.

when the last treasure hoarder falls limp to the dusty ground, kazuha finds himself enveloping you in his arms, eyes frantically scanning your face for signs of pain. you're unresponsive, eyelashes shut but your breathing is shallow while your body fights the unexpected blood loss. "fuck," he whispers, much out of his comfort zone when he's trying to find exactly where your wound is. your blood is staining his skin, getting under his nails where it'll haunt and remind him of what happened for weeks, "y/n? love?" your brows knit as if you can hear him but he's unsure if you're just reacting to the pain. your body is most likely in shock and kazuha is running out of time before the shock fades and you're left in excruciating pain until your last breath. the thought makes kazuha feel sick. he was gone for at least ten minutes, how did he lose you so quickly? he shouldn't have told you to stay at camp by yourself. you'd offered to go with him but kazuha trusted you'd be safe without him, even just for a few minutes. his face turns sour at his own thoughts. how foolish had he been to think you'd have been safe without him? "i-i love you," he stutters out, voice cracking as he presses a kiss to your head, burying his nose in your hair when he tries to blanket himself in your scent - begging to the archons that he'll wake up in bed, "come on, let's go back to the alcor, beidou will get help." he's speaking to you in the softest of tones, his voice hushed as to not disturb the silence of the countryside - or attract more unwanted attention. carefully, kazuha raises himself to his feet with you in his arms. he sees tomo in you for a moment, forcing himself to swallow when there's a suffocating lump in his throat. by the time kazuha has stumbled back to the alcor, beidou rushing over with her face void of colour, your heart is no longer thudding against your ribcage. kazuha will never again hear your heartbeat when he lays his head on your chest or feel your pulse in your wrist when he grabs hold of you.

wanderer figured it was foolish to fall in love after all he'd gone through. what was love when you've been betrayed so many times before? when the archons have so harshly ripped the ones you love away from you? he likes to scowl and shun the premise of love until he met you, an adventurer from the guild assisting in vahumana darshan commissions. you would stubbornly strike conversations up with him, following him as he walked away until he finally caved and would reply.

was it foolish to fall in love or rather was it foolish to place his fragile trust back in the hands of the archons?

his ears are ringing, was mawtiyima forest always this loud? no, it's not even loud - it's silent. the silence is buzzing in his ears, driving him insane as he watches you cough blood onto the dirt. you'd been tasked with clearing out the treasure hoarder camp within the glowing forest - but wanderer isn't stupid. to let you do that alone? he'd be a mad man. but now he isn't too sure if he should have tagged along. would it have hurt him less to find out you'd passed away out on a commission through the guild? or is it hurting less to watch as you splatter that precious red that you humans rely on all over the ground? wanderer finds himself barely able to utter a word. that's rare, he usually has something to say in that stark, rude tone he never explicitly dropped. it made him cold, it stopped people approaching and getting close. why didn't it work against you? "w-why are you looking at me like that?" you croak out, pupils dilated and staring at him in concern. he's as pale as the snow on dragonspine but the tip of his nose is a pink hue as tears well up and sting at his widened eyes. he's not crying, he refuses to cry - he puts it down to not having blinked for a while. so he blinks but you're still hunched over, impaled by a polearm before him. he finally moves forward, kneeling carefully to the side of you as you let out a choked sob, your hands gripping his cold ones tight in yours. he's confused, what did he do to deserve it this time? he didn't ask for this existence in the first place. cursing under his breath, his eyes land on your sword on the floor. it's worn, getting dull and wanderer questions if you was unable to protect yourself properly. no. he didn't protect you properly and the archons saw an opportunity, another jab at his curse of an existence. his eyes dart between you and the blade, then the polearm that isn't welcome where it is. you wince, hiccuping as you wail into the silence of mawtiyima forest. your vision is falling hazy in between the blur of your tears and you're struggling to keep your eyes on your boyfriend's familiar face. "no, no, no - don't go," wanderer panics. it's the first thing he's said since he offered to join you on this commission, "don't leave me, not you too." you let out a sad laugh, coughing blood once more as your breaths get shorter with every one you take. wanderer feels sick, the tears are falling down his cheeks and he can't deny them anymore. there's a last breath, raspy and suffocating before your body falls forward into his arms, limp like a doll. wanderer screams out into the night, hands clutching at the guild's uniform you would proudly wear. how many more times was he going to witness someone getting hastily robbed from him?

xiao keeps his distance, even as your beloved boyfriend that you struggle to be away from for extended periods. you were stubborn, believing he didn't have to succumb to his karma as an adeptus. no matter how much he would shuffle away, he could guarantee you would shuffle after him until he no longer moved away. you still gave him his space - you knew you could find him at wangshu inn.

or if you really needed him, in the midst of the night for a multitude of reasons, you could say his name.

there's a lump in xiao's throat, what the fuck happened? one moment he knows he hears your hurried screams of his name, there's a shrill panic in your tone and he's alert in seconds. he thought you was perhaps in danger but when golden eyes see how you're leaning back on a tree, blood soaking your shirt - and your blade, he realises the danger is gone. and in all of your stubbornness, you had defeated the danger alone but put your life on the line as a result. you smile at him weakly, his footsteps silent as he rushes over to your side. "i got it, don't worry, love." you sigh, tilting your head back on the bark. xiao scowls, you're losing consciousness from the blood now, it's starting to pool beneath you and run down the cracks of the bark behind you. this isn't a minor injury and yet you hadn't called for him sooner? "we need to get you out of here - morax- zhongli- he can help," he barely breathes in between his words, swallowing at the tight feeling in his throat when your eyes are closing, "keep your eyes open, please." his beg falls short of no one's ears other than his own and the stars above. xiao stops breathing himself, holding his breath when he hurries to press the pads of his fingers to your neck, your wrist, anywhere he can try find a pulse. but there's nothing, your body is still warm and xiao pulls you flush to his chest when tears begin to fall down his cheeks. "keep.. them open. please." he repeats in a whisper, nudging his nose against your head as he buries his face into your hair. he's begging in hushed whispers, words disappearing into the strands of your hair in silent prayers.

kaeya was the one who chased you first, lisa's darling library assistant. he'd never spent so much time in the library in his life, other than crepus' own library at the winery but he wasn't much fond of that collection. he isn't much fond of the knights' collection either, reading the same book every day. jean occasionally entrusts you to handle matters in the valleys of mondstadt, to which kaeya is quick to always interfere and say that he'll go with you.

history will always repeat itself until the lesson is learned and an innocent soul has to face the reality.

thunder booms over head, followed by a distant crack of lightning that illuminates the dark sky above mondstadt. kaeya is stood, motionless as he looks at you. his eyes are distant, there's a vacant look about him when the blood is running down your bare legs and mixing with the rain. you're both soaked but your clothes are staining red where a mitachurl's axe caught you in the side. the blood is coming quick and heavy, there isn't time for kaeya to get you back to the city. this scene is familiar when you fall to your knees in the mud, hands holding at your side for pressure. suddenly, your hair is a bright shade of red. is kaeya about to stand and do nothing for a second time, when history is repeating himself right in front of his very own eyes? he swallows but it's difficult, rushing to your side. you're losing consciousness but your eyes are scanning his face. the sun kissed skin, the worn leather eyepatch and his messy blue ponytail that now looks like waterfalls cascading around his face. you smile at the thought. you should visit the waterfalls of mondstadt when the weather picks up so you can gawk at them. "baby?" it comes out of his mouth, barely audible above the rain, "say something - are you okay?" you almost throw back a playful retort but your vision is darkening around the edges and you're grasping to what sight you have left to look at kaeya. your vision blurs when tears threaten to spill - are you scared? you open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out. kaeya's gloved hands cup your face, pressing his forehead against yours. "stay with me, love, i can't lose you," kaeya's frantic and his words are jumbling when he panics, "we'll stop the bleeding and take you to sister barbara-" kaeya pauses when he notices you haven't blinked despite the rain falling onto your face when he pulls his forehead away. there's a distant look in your eyes, the light has faded and he can't feel the hot, struggled breaths you was taking against his skin anymore. a flurry of angered swears leave his lips and he's careful when he carries you bridal style to the dawn winery. it's the first place he thinks to take you, back to his brother who can't bear to see kaeya stood in the rain again with blood drenching his clothes from the long walk to the winery's front door.

Okay Okay So, Since Im Already On The Angst Train And I Want To Hurt Myself Today, Hear Me Out:

© https-heizou 2023.


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