The Thing About The Default Setting Of Dungeons & Dragons Is That Evil Is Self-defeating Not In A Metaphysical

The thing about the default setting of Dungeons & Dragons is that evil is self-defeating not in a metaphysical sense, but in the sense of each individual force of evil being comprised principally of people who suck.

Mind flayers are so invincibly convinced of their own cleverness that their collective history is just an endless litany of them suffering completely predictable ass-kickings at the hands of their own creations, to the point that they’ve lost their empire and been forced to live in caves and still can’t figure out what they’re doing wrong.

Beholders assume that everybody everywhere is just as treacherous and scheming as they are, and consequently spend most of their time quivering in fortified bunkers freaking out about elves on the moon and completely failing to notice the adventurers on their doorstep.

Chromatic dragons are individually unstoppable, but are incapable of even the most basic coordinated effort because two chromatic dragons in the same geographic region will spend all of their time and energy fighting over which one of them should be in charge.

The collective infernal armies of the Abyss and the Nine Hells could conquer the multiverse basically any time they felt like it, but they never will, because they’ve spent the last billion years slaughtering each other in what amounts to a massive ideological slapfight about the correct way to be evil.

And the funny part is that there’s no overarching authorial agenda that got us here. It’s a bunch of different writers in a bunch of different versions of the game published over many decades independently arriving at the conclusions that a. it’s beneficial for the game if the players can have stupid arguments with the monsters, and b. those arguments will be more entertaining to play out if the monsters are a bunch of dork-ass losers.

Trying to draw buildings

I say he’s both, that one emperor who just kind of left his empire in the hands of one of the generals and went off to travel the world as an anarchist with his co-leader

The way that Techno is dubiously canon to empires is very funny to me and has been holding me together all day

changing the topic before i get more anons tryna explain bird sex to me.

anyway o!tommy calls hetta one of his sons, yet hetta goes by she her pronouns. why does hetta the baby chicken have the funkiest gender on the server

Once upon a time I worked in this little burger/coffee/ice cream shop and a lady came in one winter and asked if we had a caramel apple drink and we were like ‘well we have cider’ and she was like ‘no I don’t remember what it’s called but this place made a drink that was chai tea, apple cider, and caramel’ and Breezy offered to try and make something for her but she changed her mind and left so Breezy and I were like ‘alright let’s try this’ because we had chai tea, instant cider mix, a shit ton of caramel, instant hot water from the espresso and too much free time. 

And let me tell you it was delightful. It tastes like watching the leaves changing color and dancing in the wind. It tastes like picking out pumpkins and gourds and fresh apples at the farm up north. It tastes like witches and freedom.

I make it every year now and this year I walked in the house on the morning of October first with all the ingredients and shouted ‘FALL DRINK’ and my roommates were like ‘????’ so I made them Fall Drink and now every time they get home from work they’re like ‘Fall Drink pls?????’

Anyway I remember literally nothing else about that woman but I’m very grateful to her.