Iammialua - Daydreaming

Regulus headcanon / black brothers angst:

Is it even that strange that Regulus started doing everything that their mother wanted him to?

Regulus wasn’t the one to take the punishment if he fucked up, his brother was. Sirius would make sure that he was the one to take all of Regulus’ beatings. Knowing that his brother was on the line if he didn’t do as they say, he would just listen to their parents.

Nothing was worse than seeing Sirius in pain knowing it was his fault.

So he listened. He kept his head down. He did as he was told. All for Sirius to start detesting him. All for Sirius to leave him. Sirius started hating him because Regulus would listen to them, because he didn’t act up. What a fucking juxtaposition right?

So when Sirius left, and Regulus could theoretically do as he pleased without getting his brother in trouble, he could’ve just started acting out. But he didn’t. Maybe he had forgotten how to. How to have his own mind and opinions. All forgotten.

So he continued to keep his head down and doing as he was told. And Sirius continued hating him.

I will forever stand by the hc that Regulus stayed behind to keep his parents from going after Sirius and Sirius died thinking he never wanted to leave

tw: mentions of abuse (walburga and orion a+ parenting)

the tragic thing about his parents is that, despite the abuse and the neglect, regulus loved them.

he loved his mother's intelligence, the way she knew how to answer most of his questions and how she could tell him the origin of each word, whether it was greek or latin or such.

he loved his father's wit, his sharp humour, those brief moments when he'd look at regulus with compliance, those fleeing seconds when his father would grant him a knowing, complicit look.

and their expectations, oh, he loved them and he hated them at the same time. they expected the best because they believed he could give it to them — and yet, what a wonderful suffering if he didn't live up to all those expectations. what an outstanding suffocation, trying to meet them all the time.

not to mention, regulus felt a little guilty about how much he loved their satisfaction once he gave them what they wanted. yes, the burden was a heavy one. yet, what a relief to feel the gentle stroke of his mother's hand on his cheek or to see a pleased smile on his father's lips.

and regulus can't forget about the times his mother called him his 'good son' and about how his father told him that 'he didn't disappoint' — it wasn't the same as saying he was proud of him but, to regulus, it was close enough.

sometimes, the good outweighed the bad (until it didn't). that was what sirius wouldn't understand.

they were good to him, as long as regulus didn't disappoint them. so, he just needed to be good, did he? he just needed to be the good son, he just had to avoid disappointing them, he just had to bear it and they would, maybe, finally love him.

sirius couldn't understand how he could love them.

still, regulus did. and it broke him more than hating them ever would have.

these are most of the pocket reggies I've done so far!!

maybe i was born to read fanfic and obsess over fictional men idk