Any Pronouns / ADHD clown / I love music and art :P matching with my Johnny ------- my insta

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Paul Being In Denial Of John's Death

Paul being in denial of John's death

“It’s still weird even to say, ‘before he died’. I still can’t come to terms with that. I still don’t believe it. It’s like, you know, those dreams you have, where he’s alive; then you wake up and… 'Oh’.” (1986)

"I know I will never get over it [John's death] and hope I will never get over it." (1990)

"Delicious boy, delicious broth of a boy. He was a lovely guy, you know. And it gets sadder and sadder to be saying “was”. Nearer to when he died I couldn’t believe I was saying “was”, but now I do believe I’m saying “was”. I’ve resisted it. I’ve tried to pretend he didn’t get killed." (1995)

"Paul talked about John a a lot, but the strange thing was that it was in the present tense, “John says this" or "John thinks that".-Peter Cox (2006)

Seth: I wonder how all these years later, you're processing it [John's murder]?

Paul: I'm not sure I am. It's very difficult for me and I, occasionally, will have thoughts and sort of say: "I don't know why I don't just break down crying every day? [...] We were friends. That was one of the great things about it. You know, I don't know how I would have dealt with it because I don't think I've dealt with it very well. In a way... I wouldn't be surprised if a psychiatrist would sort of find out that I'm slightly in denial, because it's too much."" (2020)

"Like any bereavement, the only way out is to remember how good it was with John. Because I can't get over the senseless act. I can't think about it. I'm sure it's some form of denial. But denial is the only way that I can deal with it." (2020)

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I should probably sleep more.


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