Kai, Slapping Garmadons Forehead And Turning Him Orange And Red: Its Called Marketing, B!tch.

Kai, slapping Garmadon’s forehead and turning him orange and red: It’s called marketing, b!tch.

Anybody else ever think about how the EMs can just take a vehicle and change its colour (and design to an extent)?

Can they do this with other things too?? Like could Jay take a red mug, turn it blue, and slap his logo onto it?

Don’t you mean the warmest because lava-

But seriously thank youuuuuuu it’s all because of the amazingness of Same People But Not Really (anyone who stumbled upon this by accident GO READ THE FIC IT’S AWESOME and anyone who already knows it GO READ IT AGAIN).

And I’ve got plans for more spoofs and fics, coming out... TBA lol. Next one I’m planning is either ‘Slip of the Tongue II: Electric Boogaloo’, ‘How To Take the Angst out of Chapter 17′, or ‘The Great Camping Incident, AKA Why To Never Take Smith Camping Again’.

Lava Fall

* A sort of AU(?) for Same People But Not Really by @kittydemon9000 based on this idea

Spoilers(?) comes sometime after the latest chapter update alSO OKAY I KNOW I SAID I MIGHT WRITE IT LATER BUT APPARENTLY LATER WAS 5 MINUTES SHUSH SPBNR IS GOOD AND MAKES ME FEEL CREATIVE

———–

Shogun found himself in a rather precarious position. 

As in, tied to a chain, dangling over lava just like Nya back in the Fire Temple.

Garmadon (or at least, this version of him) gloated. “I asked you to join me! Yet you refuse! You’re as stubborn as my buttface of a brother.”

Despite the childish insults, Shogun knew better than to underestimate the dark lord. Instead, he levered the villain with a burning glare. “Let me go, or face the consequences.”

Garmadon smiled- a cruel, wretched thing, honestly- and placed two of his hands on a lever. “Let you go? That can be arranged.”

The lava seemed to draw closer lava that surrounded Lloyd’s cage, surrounded the metal floor and sucked at the bars, as the Fangblade plummeted and Kai lunged forward not for the weapon but for his little brother, too late, he was too late, too unworthy, too much of a failure-

Shogun’s face was the definition of a furious snarl, but before he could spit out a barrage of insults so stinging it could have melted Garmadon’s helmet, one of the doors to the cavern burst open and the Ninja Force came raining in.

“Smith!” Lloyd not his Lloyd but still neither should be near a volcano not after- shouted, green hood pulled over his face. “Hold on!”

Ninja met sea-themed generals in combat, and Kai had never felt so helpless. Well, that was a lie, he just hated feeling this helpless. He could only hang there and watch the battle unfold until it was suddenly halted by Garmadon lowering the chain a smidge.

Silence fell over the cavern.

“So-” Garmadon stretched the word out, savouring the attention. “You surrender, or he drops.”

Shogun had enough. Smith had enough. Kai had enough. With the fury of a thousand suns, he spat out, “Do it, coward.”

An even bigger silence somehow filled the cavern. The Ninja Force and generals alike looked on with horror, the former with fear for their friend, the latter recognizing a phrase that would immediately get any of them fired if they dared utter it.

Even Garmadon blinked. Then his cruel smirk returned. “So be it.”

And with that, the chain plunged Shogun Smith Kai into the lava.

—

Lloyd didn’t know what to do.

Smith had dropped into their lives one seemingly uneventful day, and he’d stuck to them ever since. He’d been the best addition to their friend group they could’ve ever hoped for.

And now he’d been dropped, literally, back out of their lives.

“SMITH!”

The shout came from six people at once, six ninjas scrambling to the lava’s edge where the chain vanished below the bubbling orange surface. Kai, who managed to get closest, dropped to his knees right by the lava shore.

“He… he can’t be gone.” His voice was hollow, un-Kai-like. It reminded Lloyd of how lost Shogun sounded. “He can’t be.”

“…sensors indicate 0% chance of survival…” came Zane’s voice, grief-struck cold and crackling with static. “But… I wish I was wrong.”

Nya had an expression seeped with horror and guilt. “The last thing I ever said to him-…”

Cole stood silent, though his eyes spoke volumes over the turmoil he felt.

Jay was close to a bad panic attack.

And Lloyd… Lloyd couldn’t think. Smith was gone.

And it was his father’s fault.

Lloyd growled, slowly turning to face Garmadon with eyes blazing green and gold. The move caught even the dark lord off guard.

But before Lloyd could move, before he could open his mouth to speak, the lava exploded.

Everyone scrambled back as the geyser of lava swallowed the remains of the dangling metal chain whole. No one, not even Kai himself, noticed that a couple drops landed on his skin without burning him.

And suddenly Lloyd couldn’t breathe.

Because striding out of the lava, completely fine as if he’d merely taken a plunge into the pond in the park, was Smith.

What. The. F-

Smith, reaching land, shook himself off. Droplets of lava hit the rocky floor. Not even his clothes looked singed. The only chance, honestly, was that his stormy expression somehow managed to look even more murderous toward Garmadon. He raised his hand toward Garmadon.

His fist erupted into flames.

WHAT. THE. F-

“So-” Smith drew out the word like it was an inside joke between him and the dark lord. “You asked me to join you. I refused. I asked you to let me go. I’d count that as refusing. So-” The flame grew bigger.

“It’s time you face the consequences.”

A Tiny Spark Leads to a Roaring Flame (But Flames Can Always be Doused by Water)

Heeyyyyy so y’all know the Reverse Thanos Snap AU for SPBNR? Basically everyone but Smith/S!Kai gets sent to the M!verse. Everyone. The entire population of S!verse Ninjago City & a few surrounding areas. Except poor Smith. Essentially it happens because S!Garmadon tries to send Smith to a place where he can't mess with his plans, and ends up sending everyone away from Smith to take him out of the equation. 

The second part to this AU is that the S!Ninja end up searching for Kai in the chaos and grab the Red Ninja before jetting out of there with the Bounty. Except... they didn’t grab Smith (who’s still home), but rather Red (M!Kai).

Red thinks the S!Ninja are babysitter clones created by Garmadon after he somehow turned Lloyd younger without his memories & is trying to raise him to be his new General #1. With this in mind, he pretends to be S!Kai, and waits for the moment he can rescue Lloyd.

What would happen in the S!Ninja discovered his deception/their mistake of grabbing a wrong Kai and mistake Red for a recreated Aki (aka Bizarro Evil Clone Kai) before he could enact his plan?

Well, this is that idea. (Title inspired by how a crack AU spiralled into a beautiful angst-fest)

Enjoy. :3

-----*-----

Red was going to get Lloyd out of here tonight. 

Away from these Not-Friends made by Garmadon to emulate the Ninjaforce. Away from this flying ship built to emulate Master Wu's ship, so familiar and yet so off. Away from this false reality and back to the real everything where they could hopefully get his memories back and his age back and everything back to the way it was before the city descended into chaos.

He just had to... bide his time. Be patient. 

FSM, he was bad at being patient. 

His hands itched to grab Lloyd and run now, but he was horribly outnumbered and without his mech. No matter how badly he wanted to, he couldn't rush this. If he did, he would make everything worse. Like he always did.

But fate- or rather, Lloyd- had other plans.

The little version of his younger brother- yes, they were roughly the same age normally, shut up, Lloyd was still his younger brother- had been... eying him weird all morning. Not like Not-Jay and Not-Cole and Not-Zane, but like Not-Nya. Like he actually knew instead of suspected. These babysitter clones seemed to think he was the Not-Kai, and if that was the opportunity the universe was going to give him, then by the flames of the departed world was he going to skip this chance to save Lloyd.

Currently he stood on the deck of the ship as they parked in the sky a few meters above the docks on the outskirts of the city. It wasn't the docks with the Bounty warehouse, curse his luck, but it wasn't the endless sky or the empty ocean (though it was still too close to that murky, haunting water for his liking. Water was his sister's domain for a reason). At least he could sneak Lloyd off in the cover of night, maybe find someone in the city who wouldn't recognize the Son of Garmadon this way and would be willing to help them hide until they could make it back to the real ninja.

"Kai," Not-Zane spoke suddenly next to him. 

Red would never get used to the way his voice... lacked the same effect the real Zane's had. The effect that Kai and the rest of his team had assured their friend over and over was unique, special, but in a good way. To embrace it. That it wasn't noticeable, but when it was, that it was so Zane that his friends didn't care that it was different. 

This 'Zane' sounded much too different than his own. He hadn't recognized Kai's tested line of 'road work ahead' when they passed one of the many construction signs littering the city (even more so since the chaos happened a week ago), and instead had responded with 'a great deal of work to fix in the city'. 

Seriously, Garmadon, do better research on your clones.

Not-Zane was also much too... calm. Too 'wise' compared to the wild teen that was Zane. And he walked without heelies or whatever Zane used to slide around like a boss, though he was still silent. And that meant, like now, he snuck up on Red fairly often- and Red was training to be a Ninja, so that took serious talent. 

"Kai," Not-Zane said again, and Red finally broke his gaze from where he'd been staring over the railing, planning tonight's escape route. "Lunch has been made for over an hour. Are you alright?"

Red forced his brightest smile. "Course I'm alright! Just trying to figure out what happened, as usual."

Why Lloyd was suddenly like, 8, and without his memories. Why the Not-Friends were on this Not-Ship and had mistaken him for Not-Kai. Why the city was in a state of disarray and chaos. 

Not-Zane studied him, then turned to give the city a sad look. "I'm not sure myself. My scanners can't seem to figure out what is happening. It is as if... blocked by some force."

Red winced, then expertly disguised the move by leaning against the rail. Zane never would use 'my scanners', despite how often Red and the others assured him it was okay. Yet another reason why this wasn't his friend.

"You know Ninjago City," Red said with a weak laugh. "Always one crisis or another. Always those annoying Garmadon Attacks"

This seemed to satisfy Not-Zane, who nodded thoughtfully. "This event definitely seems to have Garmadon's hand in the mess."

He patted Red on the back. "Well, don't worry yourself ragged, Kai. Come in for lunch soon, alright? We have training for Lloyd later."

Ah, right. Training. AKA what Red assumed was how Garmadon was planning to shape this impressionable version of his friend into his new General #1.  

"I'm ready for training now, Zane!"

Speaking of Lloyd- 

The little gremlin came up from the hull with the rest of the Not-Ninja. Red hated when the entire group was together; it was way more difficult to act as Not-Kai around them, especially around Not-Nya. 

For starters, Not-Jay had a notch in his eyebrow that the real Jay never had. He was missing the iconic freckles, and the scarf, and the fluffy hair, though you could always say it was just a wardrobe change. What you couldn't change was the personality differences. This couldn’t be Jay. Jay was anxious and quiet, his jokes (while plentiful) said more timidly and his newest ideas shared with hesitance that only shrank after years of encouragement. He would never be this loud, ever. 

Not-Cole was the leader, probably because Lloyd was so young. But even then, in Red's team, Nya would probably take second-command. Cole was their sturdy support, yes, but he was chill, laid-back. Ready to follow and support his friends to the ends of the earth with his tunes and occasional sarcastic wit, but not lead. Not like Not-Cole, who was more serious and commanding and didn't. listen. to. music. Red hadn't spotted a single record or boombox in the room in the hull. That was a tragic oversight on Garmadon's part. The members of his research team should be Fired.

And then there was Not-Nya. Who wore a dress with confidence that his sister would love but never publicly wear. Who had short hair- Nya had tried that style once, and decided it itched around her neck too much- and jewelry, and a giant flying Samurai mech suit. His sister had the Water Strider Mech, and Not-Nya had a flying combat suit. Sure. Close enough. Personality-wise they were similar. 

Similar at first glance. Nya was fluid and adaptable to whatever role she needed filling. She was spunky, and as fiery as him when it came to tempers, though she knew how to keep hers in check (she had to, right? No one called her hot-headed and impulsive and reckless and blamed her temper for mistakes or damage or whatever the news comments liked to say about the Fire Mech). Not-Nya was also adaptable and independent-minded, but she seemed more rigid. More doing her own thing. 

Point was, everyone wasn't actually his friends, despite how much they tried to prove they were. And they kept acting like he was this Not-Kai, who was just as hot-headed but apparently more mature and training-oriented and basically the better, cooler (or hotter, perhaps, for the fire theme of the red ninja) him, since his acting never seemed to fully convince them. Trying to impersonate a standard he couldn't seem to reach, some legendary hero he wasn't- er, wasn't yet! Yeah! He just needed to prove himself, be better, and he'd be fine. Just... fine. Yeah.

Mini-Lloyd (Red was tempted to call him L'ilyod in his head, but that felt wrong somehow, like he was infringing on some kind of copyright law) stared at him like a goddamn falcon, and he wasn't talking about the bird that circled the ship. He had this bowl-cut Red would tease him about endlessly after all this was over- seriously, how had Mr. Fabulous Hair started with this mess? Garmadon probably didn't even have hair, so there was no way the guy knew how to style it, and it was very evident based on Mini-Lloyd's hairdo. 

Red noticed that all of them were staring, actually. Despite his relaxed rest against the rails, his fingers behind his back clutched the cool bar with a dull shake. He didn't notice how the metal seemed to glow red under his touch. 

"Training, right, we should get onto that," Red tried. "What do you want to start with, Lloyd?" 

"How about a little game?" Lloyd asked with complete innocence. "What we were playing last week before we got interrupted."

Oh sh!t. 

"I-I don't know, shouldn't we start with stretches? Or how about some sparring, that's always more fun than a game!"

"But I wanted to continue our game..." Mini Lloyd said, and FSM's sake, he couldn't deal with that pouting look.

Okay. Okay, don't panic. Think logically. What kind of game would an 8-year-old Lloyd like to play with him? Something physical, so no board games- he liked to test his mettle against Zane on those, and sometimes he would almost not-lose. Logic puzzles also fell more on Jay's area. Trivia, especially music trivia, was a bubble between the anxious motormouth and Cole. Video games fell on team building, and wouldn't classify as a training warmup.

"Well," Red said, taking a hopeful stab in the dark. "There's not too much space on the deck for... tag..."

Lloyd nodded, looking satisfied. The Not-Ninja looked- well, their expressions were hard to read because of how different it was compared to his friends. But Red was a master of deception (well, fire, but eh, technicalities), and he had them fooled, and he just had to keep it up until nightfall so he could rescue Lloyd and explain in a safe location-

"HE'S NOT KAI!"

Orrrrr improvise. Okay, yep, he could improvise. 

Red lunged forward and grabbed Mini Lloyd's wrist from where he had his hand extended in an accusatory point. He ducked under Not-Jay's attempts to grab him- fast, but not as fast as his Jay, his Jay who could disappear from an awkward social interaction in the span of a flickering lightbulb- and dragged his younger brother with him as he vaulted over the railing. Not-Zane almost managed to yank him back onto the Not-ship, but his icy grip caught only empty air as Red pulled Lloyd into a tight hold and ducked.

He hit the dock below with a stumble, rolling back onto his feet and taking off with a very stubborn green ninja in tow. It took all his strength to drag Lloyd (kicking and screaming like he was being kidnapped or something when Red was just trying to rescue him, for FSM's sake. Lloyd didn't know that, but he could still try to be at least a little more considerate.)

The wooden docks creaked and shuddered underfoot and Red grimaced; whoever rebuilt them after the latest Garmadon attack had shredded them like newspaper clearly hadn't wasted any unnecessary change. It certainly didn't help that Lloyd packed quite the punch for someone so small. Red definitely would come out of this with bruised shins and arms from where Mini Lloyd tried to push him away, but it would be worth it to keep his teammate, his younger brother, safe.

Then green filled his vision and broke his hold on Lloyd's wrist, sending him skidding across the dock planks as he was sent flying. When he finally rolled to a stop, neck and shoulder stinging from where the blast had caught him (no burns, just jitters like he'd been shocked), he had to take a few seconds to re-orient himself. Did the Not-Ship have cannons or something? What hit him from behind, so close it could have hit Lloyd?

Lloyd. Was Lloyd okay?

Red pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the bleeding scrapes on his hands and legs from where he'd gotten banged up by the splintered docks. His gaze, sharp and frantic, searched for signs of green. The warning of more blasts, the flash of the fabric of a gi, anything.

He spotted his brother in the arms of Not-Cole. No, no, no-

And suddenly Not-Nya was there, given a boost by Not-Jay. Her grip was as if she were wearing the robotic mech suit, harsh and powerful and near in-human. She threw Red back to the dock floor as her face twisted with the fury of a storming ocean. A resounding crack rang out over the harbour.

Red couldn't tell if it came from the planks under him or his own shoulder.

She pinned him to the wood, barking accusations and threats in his face faster than Not-Jay could talk. Red blinked through a haze of pain, trying to focus on her face and words. She was missing the beauty mark on her face, he noticed. Yet another tell she wasn't his sister.

"-scar on the wrong side-" And it was hard to hear again over the ringing in his ears. He tried to throw her off, get back to Lloyd, anything, but he was-

Useless. 

Her hands suddenly got in his face, slamming his left cheek to the wood. She was close- close to his face, close to his eye, close to his scar- pushing and prying as she tried to do something. Red picked up in his struggling, his attempts to free himself turning to desperate shoves and wild clawing like a trapped animal. He wouldn't let this creation of Garmadon's finish the job that teen had started all those years ago. 

"Or better yet, he needs to shut his damn mouth."

The flash of a knife. His vision half-blurry. Blood- so much blood- and a lasting scar.

"-contacts-" "-red-" "-struggling-" "-we know what he- it- is already-" "-not the real Kai-" "-wish-" "-Garmadon-"

He had to get away. Get Lloyd away from them now.

In one surge of strength- and yep, his shoulder definitely wasn't okay after that move, as if he'd ripped it not just from its socket but from its very attachment to his body- he knocked Not-Nya aside. If he could’ve seen through the red haze, he might have noticed red embers dancing around his fingertips as his desperation and fear tapped into something deep in his soul.

He tried to shoot to his feet, tried to run for Lloyd (held so tight in Not-Cole's grip, surely they were hurting him, he couldn't let that happen-). He roared, "LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE!", but before he could take another step through Not-Jay and Not-Zane in his path, the docks gave one last ominous shudder  before deciding it had finally had enough.

The planks crumbled underfoot like charred firewood in a crackling campfire, and Red was sent tumbling into the frigid ocean water below.

3

okay someone give me a number 1-14

And a continuation of this! Tw/the Lego Ninjago Movie Arm Scene

-----*-----

Red's first thought when he first woke up was 'Wow, that's a bright light in my face'. 

His second was 'Holy FSM, that hurts so bad'.

His third was ‘I'm cold.'

The third was particularly concerning, because Red did not get cold. He didn't walk outside in winter without a jacket (because snow was wet and icky and made his skin feel weird), but he also didn't shiver when standing in an ice rink (do not ask him to skate. Him and ice skates did not mix). Even after he'd slipped while jumping over stones in a river one summer, he'd scrambled out soaked but not as cold as now. 

...no, he had not looked like a cat trying to scramble out of a bathtub, shut up.

This time, however... this time he couldn't stop shaking. Violent shivers wracked his whole body, disrupting various bandages (and stitches in his face, he could feel it like an old itch, an unforgettable feeling from when he'd gotten his famous scar) and generally causing discomfort and pain. His arm felt numb, yet... loose. The oddest comparison of a frayed fishing line flashed across his mind, where the hook barely stayed clinging on.

White and blue light flooded his vision when he opened his eyes and he winced, trying to blink through it. It felt like someone shining a flashlight directly in his eyes. 

As he shuffled and shivered, he realized he was tied to a chair. The ropes- no, more like chains- weren't cutting into his skin, but they weren't loose either. His arms were thankfully only pinned to his sides inside of pulled behind him, but his legs were bound rather fiercely to keep him from running away even if he got his arms free. 

A scarf was wrapped around his neck, a mercy to the shivering, and he glanced down to see if it was orange. To no surprise, it wasn't (what was he thinking, there's no way his Not-Friends would have Jay's scarf, and if they did, he'd be a million times more concerned than he already was because that meant his real friends were hurt or worse), but soft regardless.

The bright light grabbed his focus again and he shied away, trying to see. The shock of missing his mask was duller than before, but it still struck him all the same as the heat from the bulb warmed his cheek. He was missing his wet gi too, swapped for a similar gi but different. So the Not-Friends knew who he was- 

Wait. They'd been calling him Kai all week. While he had his mask on. They'd known the whole time.

He really was an idiot.

An overwhelming fear pressed down on his chest: that if they knew his identity, then they might know his friend's true identities- and why shouldn't they, if there was a Not-Nya and a Not-Cole and a Not-Zane and a Not-Jay. They knew.

He had to double-check the scarf colour. Nope. Still yellow. Or- or was that just the lightbulb? What if... what if...

The violent shivers were more than just from the cold.

"Hey. We know you're awake." 

Red startled, squinting under the light. "W-Wh-h-o...?"

The light moved, thankfully not blinding him as much, and he caught sight of Not-Cole and Not-Zane sitting in front of him. His first thought, instead of panic, was again at how weird Not-Cole looked without the headband. The hair was so different. Not-Zane looked similar to Zane, but for him it was his eyes that were wrong, nothing like the bright arctic blue LED pupils of his friend. 

"Kai Smith," Not-Zane said, his tone neutral. Much too neutral.

"Otherwise known as the Doppelgänger in the Red Suit," Not-Cole added. In front of him was a cup of some steaming drink- tea, maybe, or hot cocoa.

Not-Zane tilted the light again. "We would like some information regarding who you work for, 'Kai'."

Red clammed up immediately, stubbornness and determination locking his jaw shut despite the clatter of his teeth from the ocean shivers.

The ocean-

No, no, shove it away. Worry about it later. He needed to focus. He would not give up any information about Master Wu or the other ninja. No matter what happened, he wasn't spilling a word.

Not-Cole pushed the drink toward him. "We have a cup of hot tea that could warm you up."

The 'if you want to talk' was heavily implied. 

Red remained silent. Don't get him wrong, the temptation of warmth was nearly overpowering. It felt as though the chills of the oc- the unnamed  had seeped into his very soul, like a wave trying to douse a candle held in a fragile bubble of glass. 

He knew the shivers were a good sign; it meant he was warm enough that his body kept shivering. 

Despite the offer, Red refused. He stared at the ground- they were inside the dull of the ship, probably- and didn't spare a peep.

"Look," Not- Cole said, and suddenly he was a lot closer. His tight frown held agitation and defensiveness, but his eyes help flickers of concern. "We just want to know who you are and why you tried to kidnap Lloyd."

"K-Kai-i S-Sm-mit-th-h," was the only answer Red gave them, the answer they already knew. 

The answer didn't seem to satisfy the two Not-Friends. Not-Cole put one hand on Red's shoulder- FSM's sake, did this guy rock-climb or something up literal mountains? He was built, and it was honestly a little intimidating up close. 

"I don't think he's gonna tell us," Not-Cole said, turning to look at Not-Zane. "Not like this."

Not-Zane stood and joined Not-Cole on Red's other side, holding the lamp in his hands now. "It is concerning... Aside from the possibility he is still disoriented from hypothermia, which does not appear to be the case as his temperature is steadily starting to recover, he seems uncooperative. His heart rate spiked at our approach and upon first waking up, but has not changed at our words. The light hasn't found any contacts, but we can't be certain, nor do we know if the wish has improved since our first encounter. It was strong enough to separate us from the real Kai. We must be prepared for any outcome."

The real Kai? They meant Not-Kai... the supposed 'perfect version' of Red he'd been trying to impersonate for a week.

Red flinched as Not-Zane pinched his cheek suddenly. "Colour is starting to return. Blood flow is returning to normal despite not moving as much. Good. The cut from the docks is clean and stitched, and seems to have stopped bleeding. Injury wise-"

Red turned his head sharply, ignoring the dull buzzing around his neck as he did (from where he'd taken that strange green energy-like blast), and bit Not-Zane's hand.

Ow. Ow, ow, he was an idiot, Not-Zane was still made of metal- skin-like metal, yes, but still metal. Anything past the softer material layer hurt his teeth.

Still, Not-Zane yanked his hand back. His tone turned a little clipped, more on the side of caution and slight hostility like earlier. "Attitude-wise, some similarities with the doubles."

"Hey," Not-Cole almost barked out. "We're trying to help you. Stop making things so difficult."

Red, of course, continued making things difficult. 

When Not-Cole got too close to his face again- too close, too close, way too close- he bared his teeth in warning. It felt... weird, fighting these people(?) who looked like his friends, but weren't. But he had to find and protect Lloyd, had to figure out how much the Not-Friends knew about his friends- his family.

Now it was Not-Cole's turn to tip closer on the hostility scale. "Zane, this guy starting to remind you of the other double? I felt bad for him before, worried even, but now I'm starting to get a little annoyed. What if they've done something with our Kai?"

Ironic, considering Red was sitting there worried they'd done something to his friends.

The room was starting to get warm. 

More thoughts of the ocean crept at the corners of his mind and he mentally shoved them away. At the same time, he physically tried to shove Not-Cole and Not-Zane away.

Red stopped shivering.

"Please, we just want to know where our friend is," Not-Zane said gently, though Red guessed it was forced. It felt forced- sounded forced- tasted forced.

That- was odd... an odd description...

Everything was getting warmer. 

"I don't- I don't know," Red spat out, blinking as his head started feeling woozy. 

Cole- no, wait, wrong hairstyle, he... it was missing something, right? What... right. The hairband. Not-Cole leaned in closer until they were face to face. His eyes had gone back to concern, and honestly the constant back and forth between worry and hostilely was sending Red's mind spinning. "Whoa, stay with us. You fell into the water and I had to pull you out."

Right, right, Cole had saved his life. 

Zane stared at him with fluorescent blue eyes- right? "Temperatures are rising at an abnormally high rate... Chances of fever are increasing. Cole, perhaps it would be wise to reassess our assessment-" 

Red tasted iron in his mouth and realized sometime during that statement he had bit his tongue. Weird. He didn't feel it. What he did feel was a clash in his chest, like his insides were both frozen and on fire at the same time, and the frozen bits were fighting the flaming bits. He didn't like how the warmth was turning to hot- was this what burning felt like?- but he had the strangest sense it was better than the cold in his system, more natural. Like something was trying to help him fight off... what was it again? Hypo... something...

Zane suddenly had his arms around him. There was the sound of air escaping vents, a tiny bit of steam in the air, and suddenly everything felt cold again. No, no, the heat was good, bring it back-

Wait. No, don't do that. The ice inside was gone- at least, he hoped- and he could think a little clearer.

Clear enough that he realized Not-Zane held him in a tight grip. Sure, it was something akin to a hug, but it was also a hold. A hold he very much wanted to break out of, so he started to struggle.

And suddenly Not-Cole was there, and damn, the guy must have an insane workout routine because his hold was just as strong as the guy secretly made of metal next to him. 

Didn't stop Red from kicking up a fuss, headbutting and flailing and biting and shouting. The two Not-Friends had him in a pretty strong grip, but he could feel the chains on his arms start to soften like putty. It took a wiggle, a sharp turn, and-

Suddenly his arms were freed. He fought against the two, swinging and punching and clawing and aiming for eyes and joints and anything he could reach, just get him out of there, he had to find Lloyd, find the others-

Not-Cole grabbed one arm and twisted it to the side as Not-Zane grabbed his other arm. And the arm that Not-Cole grabbed... it burned. The next yell out of his mouth wasn't a warning, or threat, or question, but instead just a pure yelp of pain. He pulled, and Not-Cole pulled back, saying something about '-hey bud, just calm down-'  that Red couldn't understand.

It hit him how dangerous this was. Here he was, captured, interrogated, no mask, no mech, no friends. This never happened before in a Garmadon Attack. None of them had ever been... captured like these. Of course, there had been terrifying moments- crashed mechs, broken communicators, interrupted signals, getting cornered. But they'd always still had the mask, had the knowledge that the others were close.

Red didn't even know if Lloyd was safe. All he had was the words of these Not-Friends who, while nice, were also hostile as he showed hostility back. Perhaps there was some way to deescalate the tension, just talk it out and figure out what was going on, but Red didn't have the energy to figure out what was blocking their communication. Maybe they could have talked it out. Maybe they really could've talked it out.

But now was not that moment, because a terrible ripping sensation, like tearing a piece of fabric down a seam, filled his shoulder. His arm gave a horrible, squelching pop, and suddenly the tug-o-war tension between him and Not-Cole snapped like a piece of string. The pain in his arm stopped. Stopped in such a nauseating way that it felt even worse than when it had been caught between him and Not-Cole.

The action in the room froze at once. Red slowly turned his head to see-

Where his left arm had connected to his body was just a hole. A circular hole, impossibly smooth. The scarf around it stained orange as small patches of red and yellow mixed. Wasn’t there something about an orange scarf? He couldn’t remember right now. All he could think was that Not-Cole held the rest of his detached arm.

Not-Cole held the rest of his detached arm.

Red laughed once, a hiccuped laugh he'd heard once from Jay over the comms after a particularly bad battle where his plane had crashed into the side of a building. 

Then he laughed again, more fake, like Zane when he was truly hurt and trying to hide it under the guise of being a 'normal human teen'. An icy underline, a desperate subtly to it.

Then came a silent shuttered laugh, the kind Cole did when he was scared for the group, almost missable except for a shaking of the shoulders. The kind that almost stopped the records from spinning.

And finally the laughter bubbled over like a flooding stream, a tumble head of heels in a series of rapids. Nya, trying to cover her pain with the roaring of a waterfall.

It slowed down to a strangled laugh, Lloyd trying to find an unfunny joke funny, trying to lessen the impact of words and insults and shoves and bruises. 

His arm was off. Detached. Un-socketed. 

Plain clean off.

A Tiny Spark Leads to a Roaring Flame (But Flames Can Always be Doused by Water)

Heeyyyyy so y’all know the Reverse Thanos Snap AU for SPBNR? Basically everyone but Smith/S!Kai gets sent to the M!verse. Everyone. The entire population of S!verse Ninjago City & a few surrounding areas. Except poor Smith. Essentially it happens because S!Garmadon tries to send Smith to a place where he can’t mess with his plans, and ends up sending everyone away from Smith to take him out of the equation. 

The second part to this AU is that the S!Ninja end up searching for Kai in the chaos and grab the Red Ninja before jetting out of there with the Bounty. Except… they didn’t grab Smith (who’s still home), but rather Red (M!Kai).

Red thinks the S!Ninja are babysitter clones created by Garmadon after he somehow turned Lloyd younger without his memories & is trying to raise him to be his new General #1. With this in mind, he pretends to be S!Kai, and waits for the moment he can rescue Lloyd.

What would happen in the S!Ninja discovered his deception/their mistake of grabbing a wrong Kai and mistake Red for a recreated Aki (aka Bizarro Evil Clone Kai) before he could enact his plan?

Well, this is that idea. (Title inspired by how a crack AU spiralled into a beautiful angst-fest)

Enjoy. :3

—–*—–

Red was going to get Lloyd out of here tonight. 

Away from these Not-Friends made by Garmadon to emulate the Ninjaforce. Away from this flying ship built to emulate Master Wu’s ship, so familiar and yet so off. Away from this false reality and back to the real everything where they could hopefully get his memories back and his age back and everything back to the way it was before the city descended into chaos.

He just had to… bide his time. Be patient. 

FSM, he was bad at being patient. 

His hands itched to grab Lloyd and run now, but he was horribly outnumbered and without his mech. No matter how badly he wanted to, he couldn’t rush this. If he did, he would make everything worse. Like he always did.

But fate- or rather, Lloyd- had other plans.

The little version of his younger brother- yes, they were roughly the same age normally, shut up, Lloyd was still his younger brother- had been… eying him weird all morning. Not like Not-Jay and Not-Cole and Not-Zane, but like Not-Nya. Like he actually knew instead of suspected. These babysitter clones seemed to think he was the Not-Kai, and if that was the opportunity the universe was going to give him, then by the flames of the departed world was he going to skip this chance to save Lloyd.

Currently he stood on the deck of the ship as they parked in the sky a few meters above the docks on the outskirts of the city. It wasn’t the docks with the Bounty warehouse, curse his luck, but it wasn’t the endless sky or the empty ocean (though it was still too close to that murky, haunting water for his liking. Water was his sister’s domain for a reason). At least he could sneak Lloyd off in the cover of night, maybe find someone in the city who wouldn’t recognize the Son of Garmadon this way and would be willing to help them hide until they could make it back to the real ninja.

“Kai,” Not-Zane spoke suddenly next to him. 

Red would never get used to the way his voice… lacked the same effect the real Zane’s had. The effect that Kai and the rest of his team had assured their friend over and over was unique, special, but in a good way. To embrace it. That it wasn’t noticeable, but when it was, that it was so Zane that his friends didn’t care that it was different. 

This ‘Zane’ sounded much too different than his own. He hadn’t recognized Kai’s tested line of ‘road work ahead’ when they passed one of the many construction signs littering the city (even more so since the chaos happened a week ago), and instead had responded with 'a great deal of work to fix in the city’. 

Seriously, Garmadon, do better research on your clones.

Not-Zane was also much too… calm. Too 'wise’ compared to the wild teen that was Zane. And he walked without heelies or whatever Zane used to slide around like a boss, though he was still silent. And that meant, like now, he snuck up on Red fairly often- and Red was training to be a Ninja, so that took serious talent. 

“Kai,” Not-Zane said again, and Red finally broke his gaze from where he’d been staring over the railing, planning tonight’s escape route. “Lunch has been made for over an hour. Are you alright?”

Red forced his brightest smile. “Course I’m alright! Just trying to figure out what happened, as usual.”

Why Lloyd was suddenly like, 8, and without his memories. Why the Not-Friends were on this Not-Ship and had mistaken him for Not-Kai. Why the city was in a state of disarray and chaos. 

Not-Zane studied him, then turned to give the city a sad look. “I’m not sure myself. My scanners can’t seem to figure out what is happening. It is as if… blocked by some force.”

Red winced, then expertly disguised the move by leaning against the rail. Zane never would use 'my scanners’, despite how often Red and the others assured him it was okay. Yet another reason why this wasn’t his friend.

“You know Ninjago City,” Red said with a weak laugh. “Always one crisis or another. Always those annoying Garmadon Attacks”

This seemed to satisfy Not-Zane, who nodded thoughtfully. “This event definitely seems to have Garmadon’s hand in the mess.”

He patted Red on the back. “Well, don’t worry yourself ragged, Kai. Come in for lunch soon, alright? We have training for Lloyd later.”

Ah, right. Training. AKA what Red assumed was how Garmadon was planning to shape this impressionable version of his friend into his new General #1.  

“I’m ready for training now, Zane!”

Speaking of Lloyd- 

The little gremlin came up from the hull with the rest of the Not-Ninja. Red hated when the entire group was together; it was way more difficult to act as Not-Kai around them, especially around Not-Nya. 

For starters, Not-Jay had a notch in his eyebrow that the real Jay never had. He was missing the iconic freckles, and the scarf, and the fluffy hair, though you could always say it was just a wardrobe change. What you couldn’t change was the personality differences. This couldn’t be Jay. Jay was anxious and quiet, his jokes (while plentiful) said more timidly and his newest ideas shared with hesitance that only shrank after years of encouragement. He would never be this loud, ever. 

Not-Cole was the leader, probably because Lloyd was so young. But even then, in Red’s team, Nya would probably take second-command. Cole was their sturdy support, yes, but he was chill, laid-back. Ready to follow and support his friends to the ends of the earth with his tunes and occasional sarcastic wit, but not lead. Not like Not-Cole, who was more serious and commanding and didn’t. listen. to. music. Red hadn’t spotted a single record or boombox in the room in the hull. That was a tragic oversight on Garmadon’s part. The members of his research team should be Fired.

And then there was Not-Nya. Who wore a dress with confidence that his sister would love but never publicly wear. Who had short hair- Nya had tried that style once, and decided it itched around her neck too much- and jewelry, and a giant flying Samurai mech suit. His sister had the Water Strider Mech, and Not-Nya had a flying combat suit. Sure. Close enough. Personality-wise they were similar. 

Similar at first glance. Nya was fluid and adaptable to whatever role she needed filling. She was spunky, and as fiery as him when it came to tempers, though she knew how to keep hers in check (she had to, right? No one called her hot-headed and impulsive and reckless and blamed her temper for mistakes or damage or whatever the news comments liked to say about the Fire Mech). Not-Nya was also adaptable and independent-minded, but she seemed more rigid. More doing her own thing. 

Point was, everyone wasn’t actually his friends, despite how much they tried to prove they were. And they kept acting like he was this Not-Kai, who was just as hot-headed but apparently more mature and training-oriented and basically the better, cooler (or hotter, perhaps, for the fire theme of the red ninja) him, since his acting never seemed to fully convince them. Trying to impersonate a standard he couldn’t seem to reach, some legendary hero he wasn’t- er, wasn’t yet! Yeah! He just needed to prove himself, be better, and he’d be fine. Just… fine. Yeah.

Mini-Lloyd (Red was tempted to call him L'ilyod in his head, but that felt wrong somehow, like he was infringing on some kind of copyright law) stared at him like a goddamn falcon, and he wasn’t talking about the bird that circled the ship. He had this bowl-cut Red would tease him about endlessly after all this was over- seriously, how had Mr. Fabulous Hair started with this mess? Garmadon probably didn’t even have hair, so there was no way the guy knew how to style it, and it was very evident based on Mini-Lloyd’s hairdo. 

Red noticed that all of them were staring, actually. Despite his relaxed rest against the rails, his fingers behind his back clutched the cool bar with a dull shake. He didn’t notice how the metal seemed to glow red under his touch. 

“Training, right, we should get onto that,” Red tried. “What do you want to start with, Lloyd?“ 

"How about a little game?” Lloyd asked with complete innocence. “What we were playing last week before we got interrupted.”

Oh sh!t. 

“I-I don’t know, shouldn’t we start with stretches? Or how about some sparring, that’s always more fun than a game!”

“But I wanted to continue our game…” Mini Lloyd said, and FSM’s sake, he couldn’t deal with that pouting look.

Okay. Okay, don’t panic. Think logically. What kind of game would an 8-year-old Lloyd like to play with him? Something physical, so no board games- he liked to test his mettle against Zane on those, and sometimes he would almost not-lose. Logic puzzles also fell more on Jay’s area. Trivia, especially music trivia, was a bubble between the anxious motormouth and Cole. Video games fell on team building, and wouldn’t classify as a training warmup.

“Well,” Red said, taking a hopeful stab in the dark. “There’s not too much space on the deck for… tag…”

Lloyd nodded, looking satisfied. The Not-Ninja looked- well, their expressions were hard to read because of how different it was compared to his friends. But Red was a master of deception (well, fire, but eh, technicalities), and he had them fooled, and he just had to keep it up until nightfall so he could rescue Lloyd and explain in a safe location-

“HE’S NOT KAI!”

Orrrrr improvise. Okay, yep, he could improvise. 

Red lunged forward and grabbed Mini Lloyd’s wrist from where he had his hand extended in an accusatory point. He ducked under Not-Jay’s attempts to grab him- fast, but not as fast as his Jay, his Jay who could disappear from an awkward social interaction in the span of a flickering lightbulb- and dragged his younger brother with him as he vaulted over the railing. Not-Zane almost managed to yank him back onto the Not-ship, but his icy grip caught only empty air as Red pulled Lloyd into a tight hold and ducked.

He hit the dock below with a stumble, rolling back onto his feet and taking off with a very stubborn green ninja in tow. It took all his strength to drag Lloyd (kicking and screaming like he was being kidnapped or something when Red was just trying to rescue him, for FSM’s sake. Lloyd didn’t know that, but he could still try to be at least a little more considerate.)

The wooden docks creaked and shuddered underfoot and Red grimaced; whoever rebuilt them after the latest Garmadon attack had shredded them like newspaper clearly hadn’t wasted any unnecessary change. It certainly didn’t help that Lloyd packed quite the punch for someone so small. Red definitely would come out of this with bruised shins and arms from where Mini Lloyd tried to push him away, but it would be worth it to keep his teammate, his younger brother, safe.

Then green filled his vision and broke his hold on Lloyd’s wrist, sending him skidding across the dock planks as he was sent flying. When he finally rolled to a stop, neck and shoulder stinging from where the blast had caught him (no burns, just jitters like he’d been shocked), he had to take a few seconds to re-orient himself. Did the Not-Ship have cannons or something? What hit him from behind, so close it could have hit Lloyd?

Lloyd. Was Lloyd okay?

Red pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the bleeding scrapes on his hands and legs from where he’d gotten banged up by the splintered docks. His gaze, sharp and frantic, searched for signs of green. The warning of more blasts, the flash of the fabric of a gi, anything.

He spotted his brother in the arms of Not-Cole. No, no, no-

And suddenly Not-Nya was there, given a boost by Not-Jay. Her grip was as if she were wearing the robotic mech suit, harsh and powerful and near in-human. She threw Red back to the dock floor as her face twisted with the fury of a storming ocean. A resounding crack rang out over the harbour.

Red couldn’t tell if it came from the planks under him or his own shoulder.

She pinned him to the wood, barking accusations and threats in his face faster than Not-Jay could talk. Red blinked through a haze of pain, trying to focus on her face and words. She was missing the beauty mark on her face, he noticed. Yet another tell she wasn’t his sister.

“-scar on the wrong side-” And it was hard to hear again over the ringing in his ears. He tried to throw her off, get back to Lloyd, anything, but he was-

Useless. 

Her hands suddenly got in his face, slamming his left cheek to the wood. She was close- close to his face, close to his eye, close to his scar- pushing and prying as she tried to do something. Red picked up in his struggling, his attempts to free himself turning to desperate shoves and wild clawing like a trapped animal. He wouldn’t let this creation of Garmadon’s finish the job that teen had started all those years ago. 

“Or better yet, he needs to shut his damn mouth.”

The flash of a knife. His vision half-blurry. Blood- so much blood- and a lasting scar.

“-contacts-” “-red-” “-struggling-” “-we know what he- it- is already-” “-not the real Kai-” “-wish-” “-Garmadon-”

He had to get away. Get Lloyd away from them now.

In one surge of strength- and yep, his shoulder definitely wasn’t okay after that move, as if he’d ripped it not just from its socket but from its very attachment to his body- he knocked Not-Nya aside. If he could’ve seen through the red haze, he might have noticed red embers dancing around his fingertips as his desperation and fear tapped into something deep in his soul.

He tried to shoot to his feet, tried to run for Lloyd (held so tight in Not-Cole’s grip, surely they were hurting him, he couldn’t let that happen-). He roared, “LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE!”, but before he could take another step through Not-Jay and Not-Zane in his path, the docks gave one last ominous shudder  before deciding it had finally had enough.

The planks crumbled underfoot like charred firewood in a crackling campfire, and Red was sent tumbling into the frigid ocean water below.

All three let’s gooOOOOOOOO

reblog if you’re asexual, support asexual people or really really want a crossbow for literally no reason.