You Can Hear Distant Chatter In The Hall.

You can hear distant chatter in the hall.

Arguing, or perhaps just a heated discussion.

But no matter how much you walk down the hall…

You’re never any closer to the noise.

From the very beginning, I knew that I could spend forever with you. That’s a crazy thought, isn’t it? But I knew it from the way the butterflies fluttered not in anxiety, but anticipation. The way my soul exhaled with relief when you first hugged me. The way a taut cord that I wasn’t even aware of loosened every time you laughed. I just knew that you were everything that I was looking for.

Now there’s so much I’m at risk of losing and I grapple with the fear, I try to bear the uncertainty, as the world sleeps. While I wait for the sun to chase away the shadows, I find comfort in your existence. I hold this gratitude dear to my heart and I know that no matter what happens, everything will be okay. It’ll be okay because I had the chance to know you and you showed me that the magic I’ve spent my life subconsciously looking for does exist.

And so, I know I’ll love you forever.

-Jess Amelia Coe

SOMETIMES PEOPLE PRETEND YOU'RE A BAD PERSON

SO THEY DON’T FEEL GUILTY FOR HOW THEY TREATED YOU!

If something is going to hurt from now on, let it be from the pain of me growing to become the person with the successful life I want to have.

An erection is simply hard evidence of personal growth.

-Proverbs 69:69

Athazagoraphobia

People ask each other all the time, "What are 5 words you would use to describe yourself?" I've always been pretty basic with my answers. Creative, smart, kind, ambitious, bold, brave and so many other boring words. Never in my life did I think I would find one that really fit me. Athazagoraphobia. I saw the word on a list of a bunch of different words and phrases that described unique feelings. It was a huge list, but for some reason, that word stuck out to me. Now truthfully my first thought was "How the hell do you say that?" But then I clicked on the word to read the description. "Athazagoraphobia is a fear of forgetting someone or something, as well as a fear of being forgotten." The word stuck with me for a few days. In the back of my mind, I kept replaying the word and the definition. It just kind of floated around for a while. But then it clicked. Sure, creative, smart, kind, ambitious, bold, and brave could describe me on a surface level. But if you really looked at me, and my person, and my soul, and my purpose, it's athazagoraphobia. Everything I do in life is to not be forgotten. I do these crazy things with my friends, I write journals about every detail of my life, I mean hell, I study flowers so I can open my own flower shop one day. But why? As to not be forgotten. I do stupid things so I have stories to tell, I write journals to give to my kids so they know what my life was like, and I hope to open a flower shop that will be owned by my family for years. I do all this for a legacy. For something to remember me by when I pass. Something to make sure I'm not forgotten. Yes, I experience athazagoraphobia on a day to day basis. I feel it when I'm scared my friends will forget me. I feel it when I'm preparing to leave the house and fear I've left something. But most importantly, I feel it in my core. At the very base of my existence. I cary the burden of needing to be remembered. The fear of being forgotten.