Gif Request: S1 + S2 Kesde Beus

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To any fic writers who worry they are wasting their time... I read a fic for a relatively small and inactive fandom about three years ago. And there was one specific scene where a character watched another dancing like an idiot to a beyonce song and it was so sweet and loving that even now years later I have that song on one of my spotify playlist so every once in a while it will play and remind me of that fic, and every time it does I smile and feel a little happier.

The stats on a fic will never really tell you if your writing touched someone. There's no numerical way to show you what impact you made. Maybe you are wasting time, or maybe you are writing something that someone will remember for a long time, something that will never fail to make them smile.

If You Should Fall Into My Arms.

a vds one shot. you can find more on my ao3.

( @ apolloswords )

feel free to comment/message me any suggestions for one shot ideas!

It's the '80's and Jens finds himself tagging along with Sander and Robbe to a David Bowie concert. The feeling of being a third wheel weighs him down a little bit, until he feels somebody tap him shyly on the shoulder.

This was going to be the best night of his life.

Jens didn’t know how Sander was going to be able to move around and jump with his heavy Doc Martens on his feet, but after knowing Sander for a couple months now, he decided not to question it. Him, Sander and Robbe had managed to snag tickets for the David Bowie concert in Amsterdam, making it a weekend visit away from Antwerp. A part of him did wish Aaron and Moyo could’ve came, but Aaron couldn’t take time off work and Moyo had some sort of dance rehearsal. Even though Jens would end up being the third wheel, he hardly recalled that issue as the three of them trudged around the area.

Not only had they scored tickets to see Bowie, but they had even scored pit seats. Jens wouldn’t admit it, but he would be willing to third wheel multiple disgustingly in love couples if it meant getting these tickets. He also would never admit being a big fan of Bowie, though not bigger than Sander. Overall, the adrenaline was rushing through his veins and he couldn’t help but bounce with every single step.

“I can’t wait, I think my heart is going to jump out of my chest.” Sander exclaimed excitedly, as Robbe looked up him fondly. “I hope you guys at least know some lyrics, we’re so close there’s no way I’m having you guys look like posers.”

“Hey, you’ve made me practice the entire set list and the lyrics for two weeks now.” Robbe gently reminded. “I almost know the songs as well as you.”

“Almost. That’s the key word there.” Sander reminded, tapping Robbe’s nose gently. Robbe only wrinkled it but gave him a wide grin, the crinkles of his eyes so very bright. Sander grinned at him, before turning his head to look at Jens and raise his brow. “And you?”

Jens only smirked at him, swiping his tongue over his bottom lip in attempt to look as smug as ever. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and clicked his tongue.

“No need to worry about me. You won’t embarrass yourself in front of them man himself.” He replied, his answer still vague enough to hide his inner excitement for the concert.

There was a glint in Sander’s eye, which seemed very knowing. Jens gave him a slight nod, as a way to confirm the unspoken assumption running through Sander’s head.

“No way, you’re a Bowie fan aren’t you?” Robbe groaned, as he studied the way his boyfriend and best friend were looking at each other. “I thought you were more into the Rolling Stones.”

The smirk on Jens’ face only grew wider, and he stood up straighter. If there was one thing Jens was always sure of, it was his great abundance of confidence. Robbe looked at him rather unamused, knowing he was only going to gain another smug response.

“I was, until I saw Mick Jagger and Bowie getting close. I just had to see who this guy was.” Jens replied.

“You do realized Bowie has been around just as long as the Rolling Stones right? Maybe a little later but still.” Sander snorted.

“Okay, I said I knew his lyrics not his life story.” Jens rolled his eyes playfully.

The three of them let out a few small laughs, and it wasn’t until Jens felt his body calm down a bit that he realized how packed the place was. Almost every seat was filled up, the entire arena packed to the brim. The space in the pit was starting to close in on him, and he was thankful for just wearing his thin black t-shirt to avoid literally passing out from the heat and general overwhelming feeling. Taking the front fabric of his shirt, he pinched it and flapped it against his chest, an attempt to cool him down.

By now, Robbe and Sander had wandered into their own conversation, as well as a few kisses on cheeks. Jens had no idea what they could be talking about, and not wanting to third wheel that conversation, he decided to scan out the area.

The place was starting to get a little packed, with blurs of brightly coloured tops filling his vision. Maybe he should've went for a more colourful outfit, after all, it was a Bowie concert. But to be fair, Robbe was really the only one with the most colour. Between him and Sander, with palettes of denim jeans, a white shirt and a black shirt, Robbe's bright green button down was probably the most eccentric thing between them.

His thoughts were quickly interrupted when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked to the side a bit, but noticed Sander and Robbe were still heavily lost within each others' eyes. Which, meant, it was neither of them who tapped his shoulder. Still confused, he turned around into his other direction, tilting his head down to look at what was calling his attention. When his mind finally registered, he had to bite the inside of his chin from dropping his jaw.

In front of him was possibly the most eccentric thing. Or, person.

The boy who tapped on his shoulder had a rather shy look in his eyes, but it wasn't the shyness that lured him in.

This boy may have had the bluest eyes he's ever seen. And by the way his shirt was striped with multiple colours only brought out the blue even more. Jens let his tongue swipe the bottom of his lip again as he eyed the boy a little more. He was very easy on the eyes, and Jens couldn't help the smirk grow back onto his face.

"Can I help you?" He asked, rather confidently.

The other boy still looked a little shy, but the way he was biting his lip to conceal a small smile had Jens feeling like there was a little spark between them. The boy ran a hand through the loose curls falling near his face as his cheeks turned the slightest shade of pink.

"Uhm," The boy began to say. His voice was a little muffled, due to the crowd around them, so Jens leaned down a little to hear him better. The boy gave a small smile at the gesture and began to scratch the back of his head awkwardly.

"Sorry, this might be a little awkward." He began to say, and Jens could sense the nervousness in his voice. Trying to assure him, he shook his head lightly and smiled softly.

"Don't be, it's okay. I'm Jens, by the way." He asked, his voice a little less cocky and more gentle.

The boy's small smile grew a little wider and he let out his hand for Jens to shake. "I'm Lucas."

"So Lucas, what was it you needed?"

"Uhm, listen, sorry, I'm not usually this nervous." He apologized. "I was just wondering if there was a chance that maybe I could squeeze in a little bit in front of you. You're a little tall and I can't exactly see over your head."

It wasn't until now that Jens realized that Lucas was shorter than him. Not by much, and he was still taller than Robbe, but he was still fairly small and Jens did have some height leverage over him. He probably should've figured this out when he had to lean down a little to hear him.

Of course, Jens was never one to let someone stand in front of him. He knew this could potentially end up pushing him towards the back of the pit, and from where they were standing, that would be a complete misfortune. If he did end up saying yes, this could imply to the rest of Lucas' friends that they could move in front of him.

Until, he realized that there was nobody else paying much attention to Lucas. He was kind of standing on his own, not even a Sander or Robbe to keep him company.

Maybe that was better.

Jens snapped his finger and pointed at Lucas, raising his eyebrow curiously. "Are you alone?"

"Uhm," Lucas mumbled again, looking around him for a few seconds and back at Jens. "Well, I am now. My two friends saw some cute girls and ran off to go sit with them."

This only left Jens with more curiosity, as pursed his lips in thought.

"They ditched you?" He asked.

"No, no, no, they're not shitty friends. Just a little girl crazy."

"And you're not?" Jens asked again, this time feeling his heart race a bit, and this time it wasn't just from the pre-concert adrenaline.

"I, I," Lucas mumbled and Jens wished it wasn't so loud so he didn't have to keep leaning down to listen to his words.

"I'm not exactly like that." Lucas continued, leaning in as if he was whispering and dropping his voice to a lower active. "I'm not crazy for girls."

The implication in his words sounded like music to his ears. Probably even than the better music that was about to play. Jens whipped around quickly, noticing that the concert was about to start. He looked over to his friends, who had finally stopped gazing into each others' eyes and remembering his existence. They eyed Lucas beside him, and gave suggestive eyebrow wiggles and cheeky smirks. Jens wrinkled his nose at them, before finally turning them to look back at Lucas.

His blue eyes were still staring at Jens, but they looked a little less shy now. They were even sparkling, and Jens knew there was no way he could say no to such a beautiful boy.

It wasn't like he was going to anyway.

He stepped aside to give Lucas a little bit of room to squeeze in front of him. Lucas smiled at him gratefully as he slipped through the little space. Jens felt him brush by, feeling even more sparks.

When Lucas settled into the little spot in front of Jens, he turned around and gave him the biggest smile of the night. Jens gave him a smile back, still marvelling at the way his eyes sparkled, even as the lights began to dim and the spotlights began to take control.

"Ready for the show now pretty boy?" Jens asked, winking before Lucas would lose his attention for him. If there was one guy Jens was fine with loosing Lucas' attention to, Bowie filled that role.

And maybe, Mick Jagger.

Lucas only winked back, as he flashed Jens an eccentric grin. The boy was a radiant blur of colours, and now, he was the only one filling up Jens' vision.

-

The concert was only becoming livelier by the second, as Jens cried out the lyrics to the songs while making sure to steal small glances at Lucas from time to time. He would never have imagined that at a Bowie concert, his attention was not solely focused on the man on stage. He also would never have imagined it would be on a boy who was looking like an angel in heaven as he also screamed out the lyrics.

"Everybody, I want you all the be able to get up and dance to the next song, as that's what it is all about!" Bowie announced to the entire audience. He gave one of his famous winks, which had more than half of the audience instantly swooning over. "Let's dance!"

The few notes of Let's Dance began to fill the arena, automatically sending a swaying rhythm to Jens' body. Sure, he may not be the best dancer out there, but he did manage to move without looking like an awkward worm slithering through the ground. His attention was diverted to Sander and Robbe, who were dancing together, Sander's arms around Robbe as Robbe pressed his back close towards him. After a few series of beats, Sander took ahold of Robbe's hand, spun him away from his body and pulled him back in. Robbe threw his head back, his fluffy brown hair falling with the dip, and the smile on his face happier than ever. Jens didn't like to admit it, but sometimes when he watched them, he felt a little envious. Not in a greedy way, more like he couldn't wait to find someone who made him feel the way Sander and Robbe made each other feel.

That was until he remembered the earlier encounter of the night. Smiling, he turned away from the general direction of his friends towards Lucas. Lucas, who was by far a better dancer than Jens, was moving to the music with smooth movements and a playful bounce to his rhythm.

Jens was about to reach out to him, to mimic the actions from earlier and to tap on his shoulder, but just before he was about to lift his hand up from his side, he someone on Lucas' side accidentally jerk into a much bolder dance move. While the move did look cool, a mix between some jazz hands, a dramatic sway and some extravagant foot work, and was much more advanced than Lucas' and his skills combined, the person unfortunately was too close to Lucas to be pulling a move like that. Poor Lucas was knocked off balance, and he began to stumble towards a fall.

Acting swiftly, Jens leaned forward and brought his hands out, quickly catching him. It wasn't until sudden weight of Lucas' body landed in Jens arms that he noticed he was holding Lucas extremely close to him. Lucas and his familiar blue eyes widened in surprise as well, probably just realizing that he had fallen into Jens’ arms and had his own arm swung over Jens' shoulder as an attempt to catch himself.

Neither boy knew what to say right away, and despite the crowd and music around them being extremely caught up in the performance, their exuberance atmosphere, there was this sense of calm and ease swirling around them. Jens gave out a small huff of laughter, almost in pure disbelief that he was holding Lucas in his arms.

Lucas scrambled back onto his feet, while Jens helped him balance by having a soft grip onto his waist. He watched as Lucas' blue eyes took in his hand gripping at the colourful stripe shirt of his, and huffed out a laugh as well.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall on top of you like that." Lucas apologized shyly, rubbing his hands on his jeans. Jens noticed the way he ducked his head, trying to bite back the grin on his face and the bright pink blush on his cheeks.

He waited for Lucas to look back up at him before he replied. When he did, he was met with the blue eyes again, and he realized they were starting to become the most eccentric thing in the entire world.

Next to David Bowie, of course.

"It's no problem." Jens assured, smiling widely at him. "Actually, I was just about to get your attention. I wanted to ask if you'd maybe want to dance."

At this point, the grin Lucas was trying to hold back was too wide to be contained. Lucas took a step closer, and Jens took it as his cue to unbunch the fabric of Lucas' shirt and actually place his hand properly on his waist.

"Well, I wouldn't want to go against what the man has to say." Lucas said with the most confidence Jens has heard him with all night. "So in the words of Bowie himself, let's dance!"

The sudden confidence made Jens feel much more of an adrenaline rush through his body. Him and Lucas winked at each other, and Jens placed his hand in his, and began spinning him out and pulling him back in constantly. The both of them twirled around, giggling at each other as their bodies got lost in a rhythm of their own.

If anyone else were to watch the way they moved together, you would've thought they had known each other since forever to be able to move both their bodies like one. Their synced up movements danced about, complimenting each spin, sway and dip. When Jens dipped Lucas over, he admired the way his curls fell back with his head, as the bright boy began to giggle a little more each time.

As they moved along to the sound, Lucas shook his head to sing along to the lyrics. The light brown curls on his head flowed around him, like an angel's halo with a dance of its own.

"Because my love for you," He sang out, as Jens spun him out. "Would break my heart into two."

"If you should fall into my arms," Jens continued singing. "And tremble like a flower."

"Let's dance!" They both cried out together, as Lucas was back in Jens' arms, doing a simple side by side step to keep the rhythmic motion.

Jens could feel his broad back against his chest, and when Lucas tilted his head back like he did to sing the lyrics, the soft curls grazed the side of Jens' neck. They were a little bit tickling, and he couldn't help laughing a bit, sending vibrations throughout both of their bodies.

-

Eventually, the concert ended and the later hours of the night had begun to take reign of the day. Sander and Robbe gave Jens some more teasing looks when they noticed Lucas standing behind him, only the his head being able to peek out from behind Jens' shoulder. Both of them gave him and Lucas a wink, and also gestured that they would meet them out in the lobby in case they got lost when the crowds dispersed.

He nodded back indicating he understood what they meant. They waved quickly, and headed off, quickly getting lost in the blur of the crowd.

Turning towards the boy, Jens grinned.

"So, your friends, do you see them anywhere?" He asked.

Lucas shook his head. "No, I told them I'd meet them at the lobby as well. When the concert finished." He let out a loose laugh and shrugged, like he was in disbelief. "Can you believe they ditched me for some girls? I didn't think they could be any more girl crazy, we literally had pit seats."

Jens shrugged as well, though a little more cooly. "I think it would be a bit unfortunate if they did stick around. I mean, would you have tapped me on the shoulder if they were here?"

The blush on Lucas' face turned the most vibrant it had been all night. His blue eyes were once again widened, and the swarm of colours within them were so entrancing.

"No, there's no way I would have tried talking to you if they were around. Let alone dance with you." He bit his lip and leaned forward a bit, just so Jens was the only one who could hear him.

"They would definitely make fun of me for talking to a cute boy with you." Lucas admitted.

Jens grinned, feeling the most happiest he's felt this whole night. It just kept getting better and better. At this point, he didn't think anything could top this. Knowing that Lucas thought he was cute.

"Well, my friends are not going to let me hear the end of this either pretty boy." He replied. "How about we get this thing over with? We'll meet both our friends in the lobby and we can endure their teasing together, rather than alone."

"Alright, but I can't lose you to this crowd. I may be able to see you through it, but I don't think I'll be able to avoid being pushed around into different directions."

He moved a little bit, creating a little space for Lucas to slip and squeeze through. Jens made a motion with his hands to gestured Lucas moved in front of him, like the same gesture he had done earlier.

"Go in front of me, that way I can keep an eye on you and I'll follow you." He suggested, only to be faced with Lucas grinning and shaking his head in disagreement. Raising a brow, he gave him a confused look on why Lucas was disagreeing to this.

"I have a better idea." Lucas said instead.

Still confused, Jens tilted his head to indicate his puzzlement. Lucas only winked and slipped his hand into Jens', squeezing it tightly. Jens quickly understood the implication. As long as their hands were intertwined with each others' and Jens led him through the crowd, there was no way they would lose each other.

So when Lucas squeezed his hand back one more time, and Jens gave him a smile one more time before turning around, he realized that he was wrong about earlier.

The night had managed to get even better.

i’m not exactly an artist, i just do random sketches and doodles so pls don’t come for my lack of artistic depth 😭 ( + pls tumblr don’t ruin quality)

sketch of van der stoffels in marker + pen, because i love them.

i love how a lot of queer ppl have the same experience of toning down ur identities/labels for cishet people so tag this what you actually label yourself v.s what you tell cishet people

I’m Really Glad You’re Home.

a vds one shot. you can find more on my ao3.

( @ apolloswords )

feel free to comment/message me any suggestions for one shot ideas!

Jens feels a tad bit jealous over Lucas and his new boyfriend.

hello everyone! this one shot can be read as a stand alone, but it is actually a “deleted scene” from one of my longer fics; home (love, vds) (occurs between chapters 4 and 5). if you’ve already read it, thank you!! i hope you enjoyed :) and if not, i hope you find this one shot intriguing enough to check it out! happy reading <3

Jens should feel happy.

He was back home, visiting for the holidays. Visiting for Christmas, which was his favourite holiday. He was in Jayden and Liv’s flat, surrounded by cozy winter decorations, Christmas music in the background, mugs of hot chocolate laid out and it smelled like sweet cookies all over the place. The string lights were turned on, almost making the entire place feel like they were perched on the branches of a Christmas tree.

He should feel happy. He was surrounded by all his friends, the people he missed so much while he was in San Francisco. Moyo was in the corner, trying to flirt with sweet Engel, who seemed to have no idea what he was saying. Janna was showing Aaron something on her phone, which he seemed rather confused by. Jayden waiting for Liv’s cookies to finish baking as he sipped on his second hot chocolate. Robbe and Sander excitedly decorating the tree in the middle of the room. Kes and Isa sweetly cuddled up on the couch, Isa teaching Kes how to tie a bow with a piece of ribbon she had found. And Lucas, sitting on a couch from across the room, a wide smile on his face that had his eyes brighter than any Christmas lights Jens had ever seen.

And that was the exact reason he wasn’t at all happy.

Because Lucas wasn’t alone. In fact, he had a certain someone who was curled up to his side, as they talked to Ralph, who looked at them with pure adornment and awe. Like they were just the cutest couple to exist.

It made Jens’ stomach churn and a bitter feeling in his mouth, even if he tried to down the taste of sweet hot chocolate. There was nothing like Belgian hot chocolate, but there was also nothing but the impending pit of doom he felt as he narrowed his eyes onto the boy who had Lucas wrapped around his finger.

Feeling the frustration take over his entire body and not wanting to seem rather depressed in the midst of the party, Jens placed his mug down on the table and got up. Only Kes from the couch caught his movement and he raised a brow.

Shaking his hand, Jens indicated at the joint that he had tucked in the back of his ear. Kes nodded slowly, but he still didn’t look very convinced. Deciding not to explain any further, Jens grabbed his jacket and pulled his hoodie over his head before heading out.

The cold air hit him straight in the face, instantly making his skin feel prickly against the weather. As he sighed, a small cloud of air left his mouth. He instantly wanted to go inside for a split second, to actually feel warm but recalling the way Lucas was snuggled and pressed up against his boyfriend gave him the coldest shiver down his spine.

In that case, he’d stick to being outside.

Deciding he really had nothing better to do, he pulled out the rolled joint from behind his ear and dug into the pocket of his jeans for his lighter. The flame gave him some temporary warmth, relieving his ice cold body for a few seconds as he began to burn the end of the joint. After taking a few puffs, he felt the weed slightly burn his chest in a rather nice way.

He only managed to get a few minutes to himself, until he heard the door swing open. Jens didn’t really have any expectations to who it was, but he did seem surprised when he saw Kes’ curly hair flowing in the brisk wind.

“Hey.” Kes greeted, adjusting his thicker jacket over his hoodie.

Jens only nodded in response, still not in the mood for talking.

Pursing his lips together and tapping his foot lightly on the ground, Kes raised a brow.

“You know Liv has no problem with you smoking inside right? We do it all the time.” He stated.

Jens just shrugged again. “I needed the air, a quick breather I guess.”

“Yeah?” He replied, rather amused. “Is that why now you’re filling your lungs with weed?”

This managed to have Jens cracking a small smile as Kes walked a little closer. He offered the joint to him, which he gladly accepted. The both of them leaned against the railings for a bit, looking into the lights of the city as they let the weed hit their systems. Jens never really spent much alone time with Kes, unless they were skateboarding together. But that didn’t call for much deeper conversations, especially not one he felt was going to happen right now.

“You seemed kind of distracted back there.” Kes noted. “Are you alright?”

Automatically, he gave another shrug. “I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Sure.”

Kes studied him for a second, still not convinced. He began chewing the insides of his cheek, trying to avoid his questioning gaze and just hoped he wasn’t going to be very perceptive.

“Did you meet Ivo?” He ended up asking, and Jens felt his fists clench at the question.

“Yeah, Luc introduced him to me at the start of the party. I didn’t really know he was seeing someone.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Lucas didn’t tell you when he first saw you?” Kes asked, as if it was of great importance.

“He might’ve mentioned it, but I was tired and didn’t pay much attention.”

That was a lie. Jens knew about Ivo for awhile, since Lucas and him had made it official. He’d also clearly seen the social media posts about him, the cheesy selfies with cheek kisses and endless flirting in the Instagram comment sections. Then upon their first sleepover since his arrival, Lucas had told him about Ivo. It would be hard for him not to know.

He just didn’t think it would’ve lasted this long. Sure, maybe a few weeks of dating was possible, but he didn’t think they would end up rekindling their relationship. And he definitely didn’t think he’d be coming home to Lucas having a boyfriend who he wasn’t entirely fond of.

“They started dating awhile ago.” Kes explained. “We were kind of surprised at first, since you know, we knew all the rumours.”

“Rumours?” Jens asked with confusion. “What rumours?”

Kes tilted his head as he passed Jens the remaining joint, indicating he could finish it. “You don’t know the rumours?”

“No? And if I don’t know them, I hardly think Luc does.”

Sighing, Kes shook his head and looked away for a second, trying to figure out how to explain everything.

“Ivo is notorious for cheating.” He explained. “Ralph told me that he was constantly on Grindr during him and Lucas’ last relationship. He even messaged to meet up with Ralph himself, and Milan recognized his profile too. Obviously neither of them hooked up with him, considering the fact that he was underaged. But when Lucas introduced him to them the first time, they immediately told Jayden who then told me.”

Jens felt his chest burn even more, and it was definitely not from the weed. His face felt hot with fury and he didn’t realize that the end of the joint was almost burning his cold fingers.

“Why haven’t any of you told Luc?” He asked, his voice dropping to a low whisper.

“We didn’t really think it mattered. Lucas was so over the relationship when they broke up, he hardly even moped. There was no point in trying to tell him it was bad, he just didn’t care anymore.” Kes added. “Besides, we didn’t think they’d run into each other in the future, let again date. You could imagine our surprise when he showed up again, dumb crooked jawline and all.”

This made Jens snort out a small laugh. “I was just as surprised.” He admitted, before frowning. “But why don’t you guys tell him about all that now? In case he gets hurt again.”

“We told Ralph about it.” He said. “Ralph did a through Grindr search to make sure he wasn’t on it and he isn’t. And he might be grilling him right now with questions. Plus, it feels a little shitty. Lucas seems sort of happy right now, and after all the things with his family, we would feel bad if we ruined this for him.”

“Yeah, but wouldn’t you feel bad if he gets hurt again and you guys knew about it?”

“Ralph says he has no suspicion to Ivo cheating. We might bring it up but it seems kind of intruding you know?”

He sighed. Kes did have a point. Neither of them could assume Ivo was the person he was before. The least they could do was hope for the best. Jens let out another sigh of defeat as he got rid of the blunt.

“Kes, can I ask you something?” He asked, looking down at the ground as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He didn’t need to lift his head up to know Kes was studying him again.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Is Luc happy?”

There a pause. A hesitation. A space between the question and answer that definitely prompted an assumption that he wasn’t. Jens lifted his head up now, to read Kes’ expression. Kes looked away, furrowing his brows and now avoiding Jens’s gaze as he tried to formulate a response.

“I think so. He looks fairly happy.” He admitted. “But, sometimes he still looks a little off. Like he has something lingering within him that he can’t let go.”

“What do you mean by that?” Jens asked curiously, unsure what this cryptic answer could mean.

Just as Kes opened his mouth to respond, the door flung open and took them both by surprise. Their eyes widened as they looked at who had abruptly walked into their conversation.

Lucas’ eyes widened back, clearing reading their expressions and knowing he had walked into something. All of them were rather stunned to speak, not sure how to go about this.

After about a minute or two of awkward silence, Kes coughed and eyed the both of them.

“I’m going to go check on Isa. Make sure she didn’t spike her hot chocolate too much and isn't throwing up in the toilet.”

“Yeah,” Lucas replied awkwardly. “You may want to hold her hair back in the next few minutes.”

“Fuck.” Kes muttered uber his breath, brushing by the both of them in a hurry. Soon enough, he did disappeared back inside and they were left alone.

Chewing the inside of his cheek, Jens tried to rack his brain to figure out what to say to Lucas. He wanted to be angry, to show some sort of annoyance and frustration. Detest towards his best friend and his best friend’s stupid boyfriend. Anything that would show he himself wasn’t very happy.

But Jens couldn’t do that. Not when Lucas was looking at him with his big blue eyes filled with worry and concern. Not with the tip of his nose and apples of his cheek turning a bright pink dye to the cold. Not with the way Lucas looked like his small body was shivering beneath his hoodie and jacket, looking so frail and vulnerable against the winter wind. Jens wanted to just envelop him in his arms and protect him from everything harsh around him.

That included his stupid boyfriend.

“Are you okay?” Lucas asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Jens found himself saying. His tone wasn’t snappy or upset, but rather lost. Like he didn’t even try to mask his feelings right now.

Lucas frowned. “You just seem kind of distant tonight. And I know how much you love Christmas and missed all of your friends, but you seem like you don’t even want to be here.”

He sighed. There was no reason Lucas couldn’t read through him; after all, they were best friends since they were young. They practically did everything together, and that included growing up together. Both of them knew each other like the back of their hand, neither of them even thought about hiding secrets from each other.

“I’m just a little tired. Jet lag.” He lied. Jens didn’t often lie to Lucas, but when he did, it felt like a stab in his chest.

Lucas nodded while biting his lip. It was his tell, the expression that let Jens know he knew he was lying, but wasn’t going to push any further. Instead, Lucas walked a little closer, leaning against the rail and looking out into the city in the distance.

Jens didn’t follow his gaze, instead he studied the boy in front of him. The way his messy curls fell over his face, the tips of his ears turning pink and a small gentle smile forming on his face. Even when he traveled across the world, saw different people, experienced different things and saw different sights, nothing compared to Lucas. Sometimes he found himself longing for him late at night, which only made him feel the distance between them even more.

Lucas turned his head slowly, looking at Jens with his wide sparkly eyes. The smile on his face seemed to be a little bigger and warmer, it’s warmth seeping slowly into Jens’ body, making him feel fuzzy vibrations to the tip of his fingers.

“I’m really glad you’re home.” He whispered, his voice light and airy against the night.

Even when Jens wanted to simply just be angry, he never could feel that way around Lucas. He always found comfort in him, a sort of solace. It pushed past all the angry thoughts in his head, all the envy.

“I’m glad I’m home too.” He whispered back, grinning slowly. “I don’t think Christmas would feel very Christmassy alone in San Francisco.”

“It would probably be nice there wouldn’t it? I don’t know much about American Christmas but, maybe it’d be nice.”

“Maybe. But they don’t have Christmas markets or the overall feeling of Christmas. I mean it’s there, but it’s also very heavily commercialized you know?” Jens explained, thankful that his brain managed to ramble despite all the overwhelming feelings within it. Biting his lip, he continued.

“It just isn’t home.”

Smiling, Lucas leaned his head on Jens’ shoulder. At first, he wanted to push back, to flinch away, unsure if that was crossing any boundaries between Lucas and Ivo’s relationship. But then he remembered this wasn’t his gesture; it was Lucas’.

And if Ivo was going to be jealous over their friendship, over a friendship that had lasted for more than a decade, than he would just have to deal with it. There was no way Jens was going to let someone like him get in between him and Lucas.

Besides, he knew if things ever fell apart between them, Lucas would need Jens for comfort. Jens just had to wait for his stupid boyfriend to fuck up, and then he was out of the picture.

For now, he would just let Lucas lean on his shoulder. Let the smaller boy rest his head upon him as he looked up to the stars above. The stars that twinkled every night, in every part of the world. Sure, maybe it looked a little different but as long as they were under the same sky, they would always be together, physically or emotionally.

He leaned his head on top of Lucas’, feeling the vibrations of his humming beneath him. It was peaceful, calm and tranquil. Feelings that he hadn’t felt the second he stepped into the apartment and saw Lucas with Ivo on the couch.

“Jens? You know you can tell me anything right? Anything that bothers you.” Lucas whispered again.

Letting out a heavy sigh, he thought about it. For a split second, he wanted to tell Lucas everything. Starting from their shared kiss at his eighteenth birthday to the way he looked for pieces of him in every person he met, trying to find someone for his heart to attach to. To the way he was so excited for Lucas to visit, before he royally fucked that up. And even to now, when he saw Lucas after weeks and slept over the second night he came, where they talked about the Christmas party and Jens learned about the dreaded Ivo.

But even amidst all the trouble they’ve encountered, both of them knew it felt wrong to feel so distanced and apart. So in the end, they always found their way back to each other.

Jens felt his heart settle a bit. Maybe it was because now he felt assured that no matter what, it would always be them in the end. So he decided to hold back in his confession, letting his cheek rest against the soft curls that began to also dance in the wind.

“I know.” He reassured. “I’m just happy to be home.”

“Me too. I’m happy you’re home as well.”

Home, neither a place nor a feeling to him.

Home was wherever Jens found himself with Lucas. Home was wherever he was with him.

Jens was more than happy to be back.