Getting Yourself To Write

“Getting” yourself to write

Yesterday, I was trawling iTunes for a decent podcast about writing. After a while, I gave up, because 90% of them talked incessantly about “self-discipline,” “making writing a habit,” “getting your butt in the chair,” “getting yourself to write.” To me, that’s six flavors of fucked up.

Okay, yes—I see why we might want to “make writing a habit.” If we want to finish anything, we’ll have to write at least semi-regularly. In practical terms, I get it.

But maybe before we force our butts into chairs, we should ask why it’s so hard to “get” ourselves to write. We aren’t deranged; our brains say “I don’t want to do this” for a reason. We should take that reason seriously.

Most of us resist writing because it hurts and it’s hard. Well, you say, writing isn’t supposed to be easy—but there’s hard, and then there’s hard. For many of us, sitting down to write feels like being asked to solve a problem that is both urgent and unsolvable—“I have to, but it’s impossible, but I have to, but it’s impossible.” It feels fucking awful, so naturally we avoid it.

We can’t “make writing a habit,” then, until we make it less painful. Something we don’t just “get” ourselves to do.

The “make writing a habit” people are trying to do that, in their way. If you do something regularly, the theory goes, you stop dreading it with such special intensity because it just becomes a thing you do. But my god, if you’re still in that “dreading it” phase and someone tells you to “make writing a habit,” that sounds horrible.

So many of us already dismiss our own pain constantly. If we turn writing into another occasion for mute suffering, for numb and joyless endurance, we 1) will not write more, and 2) should not write more, because we should not intentionally hurt ourselves.

Seriously. If you want to write more, don’t ask, “how can I make myself write?” Ask, “why is writing so painful for me and how can I ease that pain?” Show some compassion for yourself. Forgive yourself for not being the person you wish you were and treat the person you are with some basic decency. Give yourself a fucking break for avoiding a thing that makes you feel awful.

Daniel José Older, in my favorite article on writing ever, has this to say to the people who admonish writers to write every day:

Here’s what stops more people from writing than anything else: shame. That creeping, nagging sense of ‘should be,’ ‘should have been,’ and ‘if only I had…’ Shame lives in the body, it clenches our muscles when we sit at the keyboard, takes up valuable mental space with useless, repetitive conversations. Shame, and the resulting paralysis, are what happen when the whole world drills into you that you should be writing every day and you’re not.

The antidote, he says, is to treat yourself kindly:

For me, writing always begins with self-forgiveness. I don’t sit down and rush headlong into the blank page. I make coffee. I put on a song I like. I drink the coffee, listen to the song. I don’t write. Beginning with forgiveness revolutionizes the writing process, returns its being to a journey of creativity rather than an exercise in self-flagellation. I forgive myself for not sitting down to write sooner, for taking yesterday off, for living my life. That shame? I release it. My body unclenches; a new lightness takes over once that burden has floated off. There is room, now, for story, idea, life.

Writing has the potential to bring us so much joy. Why else would we want to do it? But first we’ve got to unlearn the pain and dread and anxiety and shame attached to writing—not just so we can write more, but for our own sakes! Forget “making writing a habit”—how about “being less miserable”? That’s a worthy goal too!

Luckily, there are ways to do this. But before I get into them, please absorb this lesson: if you want to write, start by valuing your own well-being. Start by forgiving yourself. And listen to yourself when something hurts.

Next post: freewriting

Ask me a question or send me feedback! Podcast recommendations welcome…

THE ULTIMATE MASTERLIST

I've been putting this off for some time because ughhhhhh so much work ahah! Anyway, I finally bring The Ultimate Masterlist to your dashboards! Hold on, it's going to be a long ride~

General Posts

Every single daily prompt ever... (Except Prompt #208 because apparently it doesn't exist... ???)

Excerpts

ACFWB Playlists

Character names

Character sheet

Relationships

Writing Advice

Finding inspiration

Overcoming writer's block

Continuing on with your story

Developing a plot

Starting your story!

Worldbuilding

Writing in third person

Tips for writing in first, second & third person

Emotive language

Tips for writing character features

Expanding vocabulary

Choosing the direction of your story

Hitting a block (Minor writer's block)

Improving your writing in a specific genre

A guide to bettering your writing (The tall one, the blonde one...)

Writing dialogue

Long Posts

#30 Q's to ask your OC's- Appearance

#50 Q's to ask your OC's

#50 This or That Q's for your OC's

NSFW Dialogue prompts

#100 NSFW/Smut dialogue prompts

Sexual tension prompts

Reasons for couples to break-up

#50 Dialogue prompts- compilation

#100 Dialogue prompts- Angst edition

#100 More angst/argument prompts

#100 Prompts to break a reader's heart

#100 Prompts to make a reader swoon

Short fluff/cozy prompts

OTP Christmas scenarios

#100 Song lyric prompts

First person prompts

Protagonist in a situation with...

Dystopian ideas

Shy fluff prompts

Character death prompts

And I think we're done for now! I'll try to keep it as updated as I can! All my love, Yasmine xox

Some idioms for fantasy races and classes shared by u/nagonjin on reddit. Follow her on instagram (@lyresforhire) for more D&D idioms.

My favorite one is the bard one “When I am song”

A Flirting Guide For Writers (And Real World Usage)

I reblogged a post a day or so ago, and the result (which made me sad) was mostly people saying that they feel they cannot flirt (and therefore cannot write it effectively). 

So I thought I’d share my own, admittedly limited, knowledge (under the guise of writing advice) so that you can all write kick-ass romance and show your feelings like the boss-ass-bitches you are! 

The Basics; Eye-Contact, Personal Space, Body Language

The thing about flirting is that most of it is non-verbal, and the world is split between those writers who find this part the easiest, and those who find it the most incomprehensible. 

The problem is that it’s all dependent on a fine, mostly unspoken, line which makes the interaction creepy if crossed. When writing a character who is trying to flirt with someone, or when trying to flirt with someone yourself, you need to keep three main things in mind; personal space, body language, and potential restriction. This is especially important for men. The problem is that this is mostly instinctual, and so it can be hard to write if you haven’t had time to develop the right skills yourself. 

Personal space

When trying to show that your character is flirting you need to make a note of them moving into the other person’s personal space but not too much. Consider this; someone leaning into your space just a little to speak to you versus someone being practically nose to nose with you. One catches your attention, the other is uncomfortable at best and intimidating at worst. The idea is to lean in enough to show interest and create a sense of intimacy, without becoming overbearing or threatening. As a rule, I find that I begin to feel uncomfortable if a man I’m not sure of gets closer than the distance it would take to perform a ballroom Waltz. 

To get an idea of how that looks, hold up your hand at arms length as if pushing someone away or pressing against a wall. Now slowly bend your elbow until the point sits just under your breast or pectoral muscle. 

That’s the maximum personal space invasion I allow from people I don’t know well. In my experience, this is common to many women, though others prefer more space. Likewise, in my experience, men I have met seemed perfectly comfortable with me being closer than even that, but I am small, relatively unthreatening, and we have to allow for the fact that we were in the position of viewing each other as romantic interests. Men may prefer more space from other men, or from individuals that they do not see in a romantic light already. This changes from person to person, and noting your characters preference is a good way to show what kind of person they are.

Eye-Contact 

Another fundamental which relies on instinct subtlety; conventional wisdom says that you should make eye-contact in order to show interest. Actual wisdom will also tell you that too much becomes intense and a little creepy. If your character holds someone’s eye for too long its becomes fixative rather than flirtatious; it becomes staring. Depending on your character and their interest this can either read as obsessive, creepy, or aggressive. 

Flirtatious eye contact can take a few forms; 

1 - the “getting caught” method where a person looks at someone and quickly looks away again. When caught have your character (or yourself) look away quickly and then back, hold eye contact for a few moments and then acknowledge the other person. A smile, wink, or nod will suffice for this. 

2 - the “lash” method where someone, usually a woman, catches their crushes eye, looks down, and then back up from under the lashes. Also very effective when done by men with big eyelashes. 

3 - the “full cheese” method by which someone winks, grins, or wiggles their eyebrows. This is effective when used sparingly. 

If your character also touches the person they are flirting with lightly, this will build tension. The touch should be gentle, but obviously deliberate. Avoid possessive gestures like gripping or pulling, however. 

Body Language

When flirting, the body language of both people is important; your character should watch their crush for signs of interest and/or discomfort. 

Positive signs; leaning in, touching, playing with hair, smiling, licking or biting lips, tilting their head slightly, mirroring. 

Negative signs; leaning away, crossing arms, pursing lips, refusing to make eye-contact, raising their shoulders, crossing their legs away from the other person, frowning, clenching jaw, balling fists. 

This body language can apply to both characters in the scene. 

Advanced Techniques; Verbal Cues, Suggestions, And Other Senses

This is the shit I thrive on, as a writer you will probably feel the same way; I notice the sounds, smells, and textures of another person as well as what they say (in fact, when you read my work you’ll notice that the smell of any romantic lead is noted upon more than once). 

Verbal Cues

This is the thing that most people focus upon when it comes to discussions or attempts at flirtation. The verbal sparring that comes with flirting is what really gets our stomachs churning and our hearts pulsing… but why are some people so naturally good at it, while others are… less so? 

And why does some of the most vapid and run-of-the-mill stuff seem to work between the right people? 

Well, the sad news for your unlovely characters is that physical attraction makes us more likely to respond to even the most poorly constructed of verbal flirtation. Then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder so even the least pretty of characters could find themselves flirting up a storm with the right person. 

Verbal cues include; 

- Gentle teasing 

- Compliments

- Inside jokes

- Using someone’s name (yes, really)

- Asking questions and responding in a thoughtful way

- Sexual innuendo (when used tastefully and sparingly)

Suggestion

This is the easiest to miss or overshoot because it’s a combination of everything else we’ve already covered. For example, your character saying to a friend, 

“I’m just going to hop into the shower, talk soon.” 

Is not a suggestive statement. Now imagine your character flirting with someone on the phone before sighing and saying, 

“I’m going to take a shower… I’ll speak to you soon, ok?”

The difference is subtle but important; the second suggests that they don’t want to stop talking to the other person, that they definitely want to speak to them again as soon as possible, and subtly encourages the other person to consider them in the shower. You see? 

Easy to miss, easy to fudge. Suggestion is hard to pull off, and hard to write, but think of it this way - suggestion;

1) Encourages the other person to think of you/your character in an intimate way

2) Implies enjoyment in and desire for their presence

3) Is open-ended and encourages reciprocation

The Other Senses

This is not so much flirting, but the act of making your character/yourself as appealing as possible to another. Personal hygiene, a good fashion sense, and good manners are a part of this.

But - 

When writing about this you should not discuss it directly unless your character is making a conscious choice. Instead, focus on the character that yours is focussed upon. 

- How do they smell?

- What are the textures of their clothes?

- What manners do they affect?

- Does their voice have a texture?

- Do they touch your character a lot? 

- Do they note upon your characters smell or noticeably try to take in their smell? 

- Do they react noticeably to your character’s voice or mannerisms?

This is just a basic guide, of course, but if you get this down you’re in a good position to build romantic tension in every walk of life!

If you found this post useful and you want to help keep me writing, you can support me through Kofi!

How Long Your Stories Should Be (And What Publishers Want)

First of all, thank you so much for over 8,000 followers!!

Short Story

-Under 500 Words is described as flash fiction. It’s one scene

-Between 1,000 and 8,000 Words is a short story

-Between 5,000 and 10,000 Words is as long as a short story should ever be

Novella

-A story between 10,000 and 40,000 Words

Novel

-Anything over 40,000 Words is considered a novel, but 50,000 should be the minimum amount of words you should have (If you’re trying to get published)

-Most novels are between 60,000 and 100,000 Words

-Publishers generally don’t like more than 110,000 words, unless you’re already established

Adult fiction

-Between 80,000 and 100,000 Words

Science and Fantasy

-Generally Between 90,000 and 120,000. Not abnormal to reach the 150,000 range. (It takes time to build a whole new world)

Romance Novels

-Between 50,000 and 100,000

Crime, Mysteries and Thrillers

-Between 70,000 and 90,000

Young Adult

-Between 50,000 and 80,000

Children’s Novel

-Between 25,000 to 50,000