Disappear

disappear

cw; choi seungcheol (scoups) x gn reader, angst, heavy talk of depression, loss of a friendship, betrayal, crying, anger, this one is heavy.

an; i wrote this around a month ago and it's been sitting around for when i felt it was time to post it. no tag list because i just don't feel like it's one that needs it. i hope you understand. i know this one is very heavy with the angst but i needed to get things out and i needed my comfort boy cheol. last month was a really hard time for me and writing got me through it. also i promise that i am okay, i've talked about my struggle with depression and anxiety before.

Overwhelmingly sad, the undeniable crushing sensation of depression pressing down on you with every breath. You hadn’t been this sad in months. No one had pulled you down this low in a long time. You had thought you were stronger than allowing someone to define your happiness, especially someone who was just a “friend”. 

Perhaps that was how it happened so easily and why it hurt so badly. You trusted them just enough to let your walls down, to let them into your heart just enough that when their words hit you they tore out a piece of you. No matter what you told yourself, that you were the one to blame, surely there was a good reason for their betrayal, it couldn’t feel that tear in your spirit. 

Tears soaked your pillow, even though you had told Seungcheol you were fine, covers pulled over your head so tightly you didn’t hear him use his key to get into your place. His feet quiet on your floors he doesn’t have to call out for you because he knew where you would be, he always knew you better than you knew yourself. You smelled the comforting smell of his cologne before you felt his warm touch through the blankets and heard his soft, deep voice. 

“Don’t hide from me. I won’t make you face the world baby, but you don’t need to hide from me. They can’t get you while I’m here.”

You felt the bed dip under this weight and his hand pulling at the blanket over your head allowing light to reach you for the first time that day. Seungcheol frowns seeing your swollen eyes and bitten lips. You had been trying to keep yourself silent, you had been trying to play strong. Running his thumb over your bottom lip, Seungcheol shakes his head and adjusts to lay on the bed facing you, his other arm pulling you towards him. 

“I won’t make you tell me what they said to you but one day I will find out. I can only tell you that you are stronger than them and you are stronger than you think. I know you don’t feel like it right now, so I’ll be strong enough for both of us.” 

Soft sobs fall from your lips, your eyes wet with tears once again though you aren’t sure where any more moisture is left in your body. Your body words are muffled by your own lips when you try to calm down, though you can’t find the will. “I just want to disappear.” 

Seungcheol shushes you, his lips brushing against your forehead while he stares at the wall wishing with all that he is that he could snap his fingers and make this better within seconds. Until he could he would hold you, he would let you cry, and he would never let you disappear. 

“No, I see you just fine. You are going to stay right here with me.”

idk who needs to hear this rn but suffering is not noble. take the tylenol

JJ Maybank as your boyfriend headcanons

Warnings: None

Pairings: JJ Maybank x reader

Words: 1158

*really loved doing these headcanons I definitely could have gone on for longer! lmk if you guys have any ideas?*

-Has an obsession with your hands, like almost always holding them or playing with your fingers whenever he's bored or anxious. All the pogues could be sitting around talking and laughing and he’ll be in his own little world, head bobbing to whatever music is playing, absentmindedly messing with your fingers.

-Lets you braid and style his hair when his head is on your lap or stomach, you'll do little tiny braids or buns all over his head and he’ll love the giggles it brings out of you.

-You guys always have each other's stuff in your bags, you will have his sunglasses or caps in your tote bag and he’ll have some of your lip balm or body spray in his backpack. 

-He will complain about it but he secretly loves finding your hair grips or hair ties around his room and the bathroom at the chateau, sometimes he’ll even have a hair tie around his wrist just in case you need it.

-You guys have a joined playlist on your phones, each other constantly adding songs you want the other to listen to or songs that remind you of each other, it never fails to make you smile whenever you realise he’s added a new song.

-The boy will always be finishing off any leftover food you leave, can’t finish your pasta? JJ will have it gone in seconds.

-Whenever you're lying down on his stomach just scrolling on instagram or tiktok, JJ will be looking with you, you won't even notice it until he's commenting about someone's post or whining that you scrolled away from a video too fast and he wasn't done reading. 

-Taking selfies on each other's phones when they get left unattended, you’ll both find them later on and most probably will end up being each other's lockscreens.

-Always knowing each other's favourite snack and drinks, picking them up at the store if you ever have the spare change. 

-You will constantly be sharing each other's vapes, whenever you use yours he will just hold out his hand without saying anything and you’ll know to hand it over. And when he uses his you will just tap his leg or arm and he will know you expect him to place it in your mouth for you to take a hit, you do the same whenever he rolls a joint. 

-Always reminding him about sunscreen when he’s out on the beach with the pogues, he doesn't burn at all really but he gets too excited to remember himself sometimes.

-Guides you with a hand on the small of your back.

-Or you'll hold onto one of his fingers whenever you're in a crowded place and he’s leading you through the crowd.

-Whenever he’s driving you places he is sure he knows exactly where he’s going and refuses to accept if he took a wrong turn, even when you have the location up on google maps and are directing him; his shortcuts never work out.

-Always has an eye on you at keggers or parties, never wants you to feel suffocated by his protectiveness but can’t bare the thought of you being in danger or uncomfortable without him there. So whenever you both go your own ways at these things, it rarely happens tbh, he’s always looking over at you or facing where you are, gotta keep his girl safe y'know?

-Sometimes you're not in the mood for surfing with everyone else so you and Sarah will sit on the sand or go for walks, you’ll always bring back a shell or rock or sea glass that you find, always telling him you found the most perfect one just for him.

-He keeps them in a special place in one of his drawers but you don't know that.

-JJ is a stomach sleeper through and through, can’t fall asleep if he’s not on his front, but yet he always manages to have his one free arm touching you somehow, either thrown over your stomach and holding your hip, loosely holding your hand from across the bed or gripping your thigh/leg when its pulled up over or near him.

-Refuses to wake up for anything, you’ll have to gently stroke his back or hair and kiss his cheek or shoulders to rouse him even a little bit- he does the same for you on the rare occasion he’s up before you. 

-Will 100% serenade you from across the room or beach at parties, mouthing the lyrics and pointing at you until you’re smiling and laughing at him. 

-He even ties your shoes for you whenever you're feeling slightly lazy.

-Sits next to you in the twinkie just so he can rest his head on your shoulder, even though he’ll need to shuffle down in his seat to reach.

-Will always give you sips of his drink and loves watching your reactions, sometimes you scrunch up your nose and shake your head and he’ll laugh and kiss your head. And sometimes you’ll hum and nod, taking another sip, a sign that he’ll have to get you one of these drinks when he goes to refill soon.

-Walks you home every single time without fail, or will pick you up or drop you off on his bike. Everytime. Very rarely are you ever walking anywhere alone or have to walk at all, but if you do then he’s texting you the whole way to make sure you’re good, or on a facetime or call with him until you get where you’re going. 

-Loves going to the store with you, he’ll hold your basket as you throw whatever you need in. If you’re not from the US then he absolutely adores watching you discover new things that you’ve never seen before, often taking photos of you holding said things with a shocked or surprised awe face and sending it to the group chat. 

-Definitely a hand on your thigh while he drives kinda guy.

-If you wear glasses he loves to see when you push them back up your nose, he doesn't know why he finds it so attractive but he just does. And he will definitely clean them off for you whenever you hand them to him to do, you could do it yourself but he's always wearing the best kind of shirts for it so-

-Watches you with the most curious and adoring look while you do whatever skin care or after shower routine you do, moisturising your legs, eye serum, face cream? He’s watching every step and is so focused he could probably do it step by step too.

-Y’know those tiktok’s about the taller guy that's following around his smaller gf, holding her bag or hand, no idea where he’s going but just happy he’s with her? That's JJ and you, 100%.

-Overall you and JJ are pretty much meant for each other, anyone that sees the two of you together can tell.

Hi. A penny for your thots/thoughts on Kim Mingyu

i’ll give you more than just a penny’s worth

soft & fluffy:

- he’s a giant teddy bear in the sense that he loves to cuddle, and he will fully engulf you in his body/arms

- huffs & whines a lot (mainly for your attention)

- a major love language of his is to cook you food, he’ll cook all your comfort foods

- he loves to play with your hair, he’ll brush it for hours and he loves to try and braid it or put it in ponytails (and he’ll put all kinds of hair clips in your hair too)

thotty:

- big boy!! everything about him is big, his hands, his muscles, his cock (and he knows how to use it to make you feel the best you’ve ever felt)

- he’s got a big praise kink (both giving and receiving), he’ll babble about how good you’re doing & how good you feel but he’ll also melt and whine if you tell him he’s being such a good boy

- will show off his strength while fucking you

- his hand prints on your ass/thighs? yeah he loves it

- is a little voyeur/exhibitionist, if given the chance he’ll fuck you like there’s no tomorrow while someone else is in the room watching, but he’s also lowkey possessive so there are very few people he’d allow to fuck you while he watches (or joins in sometimes)

THE PART WHERE YOU KISS ME — JJ MAYBANK

summary: You're stuck with the job of getting a very drunk, very lovesick JJ into bed.

length: 2.4k

contains: tooth-rotting fluff, obsessed boyfriend JJ, soooo touchy he can't keep his hands off of you (can you tell my love language is physical touch lmfao???), mentions of heavy drinking of course, zero plot, he's a flirty little freak and i hate him

note: Not the happiest with this but I haven't posted in a week and I'm in the middle of writing three other pieces right now...so take this as an apology gift for not having the GFAW chapter out yet <3

Driving to the Chateau this late is never ideal, especially when you’re tired and ticked off from a busy shift. Your feet and back ache, your head could use a few Advil, and you would be perfectly happy to stay home and sleep for twelve hours. 

But when Kie calls you, groaning and saying Your boyfriend is wasted and won’t shut up about you and you need to come pull him to bed, you go. It’s as simple as that, really. Partially because JJ is already painfully stubborn when sober and only gets worse as the night goes on (code for: he won’t listen to anyone but you), and partly because you get a sweet kick out of his clinginess and extra loving.

So when you finally pull up and hop out of your car, the sound of Pope sighing Finally doesn’t surprise nor offend you.  Kie and Sarah scurry over, welcoming you with hugs and jokes about how sorry they are they had to call you while John B and Pope still tend to the drunken blonde.

“It’s alright,” you assure them, “I don’t mind.” And you really don’t, not at all, not when he acts all the more helplessly in love with you.

The bonfire still burns on, red-hot embers breaking off into the midnight sky. Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon plays from a speaker nearby, and beer bottles litter the ground as you approach. The fire’s warmth wraps around you, a handle of Tito’s—only half full—entering your field of vision as you find JJ reclined back on the ground, an arm thrown over his eyes while his other hand taps along to the song. You crouch down next to him and hear him hum in tune.

John B stands behind you, feeling a little helpless. “He’s been talking about you nonstop since he got, like, three shots deep.”

“And as much as we love you guys together,” Sarah adds, leaning into the boy’s side, “He doesn’t listen very well once he gets started.”

You shoot them a smile over your shoulder. “It’s okay, I get it. You guys can head in if you want, this might take a while.” The two lovebirds wave you goodnight as they walk back inside with Kie and Pope, and you turn your attention back to your exceptionally troublesome boy. “JJ? Time to go to bed.”

He grumbles without moving an inch. “I told you to fuck off, Sarah, I just wanna see my girl.”

Your heart flutters at the name—his girl. You’ve never heard him call you that. Does he seriously think you’re Sarah? “Your girl?”

“Yeah, you know the gorgeous one?”

“Might ring a bell.”

“Yeah, well, she’s the most…the most beautiful person in the history of…of forever, and she’s mine, so get outta here n’…go flirt with John B or somethin’.” He lazily waves you off, mumbling something you don’t quite hear.

A smile fights its way to the surface, and you gently place your hand on the smooth plane of his shoulder. “Oh, but I wanted to flirt with you instead. How’s that sound, hm?”

He quickly pushes your touch away. “It sounds like my girl’s gonna kill you any second now, so watch it, Blondie.” He slurs his words as he speaks, pulling giggles from your lips. You gently take his wrist in your hand to remove his arm from his eyes and press a kiss where your fingertips touch him. His eyes stay closed, and he juts his chin in the opposite direction in protest.

“Jay, baby, I’m not killing anyone anytime soon,” you coo, leaning over his chest and face while running a hand through his hair. 

He opens one eye, suspicious of your claims, but quickly realizes it’s you, and turns to look at you like he’ll never get the chance to do it again, his expression swallowed by a smile. “When did you get here, baby?”

“Oh, just now,” you answer, laughter lacing your words, “Kie called me over.” You press a kiss to his forehead before sitting back up, your hand quickly taken by his.

“You should’ve come sooner.” His other hand makes its way to your thigh, smoothing over your skin. “I was waiting for you, all by myself, and—” he abruptly sits up— “there’s something I have to tell you,” he whispers. He casts a glance to the Chateau. “It’s top secret.”

With him this close, you can smell the vodka on his breath. “Yeah? What is it?” You loop your arms around his neck and scratch at the nape of his neck, to which he instinctively responds by wrapping his arms around your waist and rubbing the palms of his hands along your back.

“This is top secret, classified information, princess, you can’t just get it for free. Everything comes with a price.” A sly little grin comes over him, tugging you a little closer.

Knowing JJ, you already know where this is headed. You decide to play along anyway: “Name it, then. I’m sure we can strike a deal somehow.”

He mulls over his words before saying, “Hear me out.”

“I’m listening.”

“You—” he points at your chest— “give me three—no, five kisses for the info up front.” When you raise your eyebrows in suspicion, he continues, “And every follow up question is worth another kiss.”

“This must be very important information.”

“Very.” His hands, still soaking in the feeling of you beneath them, start to play with the hem of your tank top, fingertips slipping beneath the fabric to feel skin. “Better pay up soon.”

You feign a look of shock and place a hand on his chest. “I didn’t even agree yet, don’t get too excited.” 

He pouts with furrowed brows, convinced his offer would be impossible to resist. “Why? Baby, come on,” he urges, holding you tighter, “This is the part where you kiss me.” His eyelids droop with drunkenness and fatigue as he presses his lips to your neck, but you quickly take his jaw in your hand and pull him away. 

“Ah ah ah,” you tease. “You come to bed first, then I’ll give you kisses for your secrets.”

“But I don’t wanna go to bed.” His hands work their way from your waist down to your hips again, soon grazing your thighs the way he knows erupts butterflies in your stomach. “I wanna stay here with you…have you boss me around. You’re very sexy when you do it.” He smirks while looking up at you, and you know for a fact he’s just trying to push your buttons.

You roll your eyes and push his face away as you start to stand up. “You’re a pain in the ass, I hope you know that.” As bitter as you try to sound, you’ll always have a soft spot for him the way he does for you, especially when your bitterness is met with that beautiful smile of his. You hold out both hands, towering over him and urging him to stand. “C’mon, Jay.”

He leans his weight onto his hands, stubborn as always. “Will you stay the night?”

“Not if you keep this up, I won’t.” You lend him a condescending smile. 

“But Baby,” he groans, finally complying now that the stakes have been raised. “I haven’t seen you all day, and I miss you.” He starts to shuffle where he sits, taking hold of your hands as you pull him up, dizziness causing him to stumble into your arms. “Can’t a boy just get some love from his girl?” 

There he goes again—his girl. 

You loop his arm over your shoulder and wrap yours around his waist as you lead him into the Chateau, surrounded by his warmth and the smell that’s so distinctly him: a bit of beachiness, mandarin and musky from his body wash, a hint of marijuana.

“You’re very kind,” he rambles on, “for coming here so late. I missed you.”

“I know, baby. You told me.”

He makes his way up the steps with you, following as you open the door. “Well, I’m making sure you’re sure.”

“I’m sure, love.” You smile to yourself, a little caught off guard with how open he’s become.

“I still have to tell you that top secret information,” he whispers, leaning down to your ear-level. His body wraps around you as you stand in front of him to open the door to his bedroom, his arms start to wrap around your waist again. “And you still owe me kisses for it.”

You usher him into his room, shutting the door behind you. “C’mon, let’s get into bed. That was the rule.”

He does as you wish without complaint for once, though when he does sit at the edge of his bed, he also pulls you to stand in between his legs. “I’m in bed now.”

“I can see that,” you giggle, hands massaging his neck and shoulders.

“Does this mean you’ll give me a kiss now?”

“Not yet.” You tug at the fabric of his shirt. “Take this off, please?” You don’t think much when you say it, but once the words slip out and you see JJ’s brows raise as a cocky smirk crosses his face, you realize you need to cover your tracks.

He bites his tongue to oblige, nabbing the back of his tee before pulling it over his head. Revealed to you are his broad shoulders, his chest, those toned arms that are, admittedly, to die for, though you’d never tell him that directly. 

“You’re trying to undress me, baby?” he asks, too quick for you to correct yourself. His hands take purchase of your hips before taking up your thighs, his hands molding to your curves and getting treacherously close to your inner thighs.

Your face goes hot—why is he so good at this?—but you keep a straight face and grab his face, one hand cupping his jaw while the other supports the back of his head. “Do you want your kiss or not?” 

“Yes ma’am,” he responds, almost immediately. His eyes glaze over, entranced by everything you are. A drunk smile is sent your way, and he can’t really tell whether the tingling all over his body is just from the vodka, or if it’s your hands on his body, your snippy tone that he knows is full of love. He’s sure that no matter how flustered he can make you, it’ll never compare to how you make him feel with even the slightest of touches.

Your grip goes soft, and you rake your hand through his hair, his eyes falling shut and his head gone slack into your hands. “You’re beyond wasted, aren't you?”

He laughs heartily now, eyes still shut as he nods his head. “I can’t keep my eyes open any longer, princess.” Giggles line his words and his face scrunches in a smile, dimple on display.

“How much did you drink?”

“A few beers.”

“And?” You tug lightly on his hair.

“Mm, some vodka, maybe. A few shots.” His hands drag from the backs of your thighs, to your hips, to your waist.

“JJ.” You stare down at his clearly vodka-dazed face. “How many is a few?”

He hums to himself, as deep in thought one can be when wasted. “Maybe seven…or nine…don’t remember,” he mumbles.

You sigh to yourself, not surprised by his recklessness but still not all too happy with it. 

But before you can formulate a single thought, a single articulated response, he starts to pout—eyes still closed of course, because your boy is nothing if not a truth-teller. “You sound mad.” Even when wasted he knows you so well.

“I’m not,” you fib a little, for his own sake. You kiss his forehead, then his cheek before letting go of him entirely to pull back the covers for him. “Come on, time to sleep, yeah?” You give a soft tug on his hand as his body goes pliant.

He slowly but surely crawls properly into bed, giving you a show of his back muscles flexing and relaxing before falling face-first into his pillow with a hmph. You lay down next to him as he lifts his arm with all his might, slowly turning onto his side to make space for you. Legs intertwine without words, the warmth of his body blankets your senses, his weight grounds you.

“You need to hurry, princess. I need to…need to give you the information.” The words are half-muffled by his pillow, and his eyes are still shut. 

“Oh. We’re still doing that?” You’re surprised he even remembers the information at this point—whatever it might be. 

He squeezes you tighter into his body, pulling a smile from you as he groans. “Yes, we’re still doing that…it’s important. You need three more…”

“Okay, okay,” you soothe, and you press a kiss to his shoulder. “Does that count?”

“Mhm, two more.” A stupid, drunk, terribly charming grin crosses his face, and it feels like you’re falling for him all over again, teetering at the edge of a cliff. His arm, still heavy on your waist, shifts a little, and his fingers dance along your back and light fires where they touch.

You curl your hand, gently, along the crook of his neck and kiss his jaw. “And that counts as well?”

With the way you’re whispering your words into his neck, JJ swears he could die happily. “Mm, sure does.”

For the fifth and final kiss, the corner of his mouth. It curls into your kiss like he knew it was coming, and you give him one more just for good measure—and, maybe, because seeing him smile is worth his weight in gold. You brush your hand through his hair before hugging him a little tighter towards your chest, all too aware now that you won’t be getting any information out of him the rest of the night. This minor inconvenience, however, doesn’t seem to compare to having him in your arms, his breath against your neck, his arm wrapped around you to tell you he’s there, and he’s there to stay, and he wants to be there more than anywhere else.

You think that you could play this game a million times over. The part where you kiss him—that is, when his lovely, sweet little smile peeks through that rough shell—will never get old enough to retire.

(But for tonight, you can live without more of his drunken teasing. Just for tonight.)

Paradise on earth series masterlist

Pair: JJ Maybank x Routledge! reader (endgame), Rafe Cameron x reader, Platonic! Pogues x reader

Summary: Y/N Routledge was just an ordinary girl from the wrong side of the island in North Carolina, school is out and a summer full of keggers, surfing, and denying feelings for her brother's best friend awaits her. That is until her older brother John B and her friends find clues to a treasure her and John B's dad spent his entire life searching for.

This is an X Reader insert rewrite of the series Outerbanks, following the plots and events of the series, with certain twists to fit the reader into the story and to make things interesting. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and some scenes where the original character is involved are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: The first series in a while, hope you all enjoy it! Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list.

Main Masterlist

Playlist

Season 1-

Chapter 1: Pilot

Chapter 2: The Lucky Compass

Chapter 3: The Forbidden Zone

Chapter 4: Spy Games

Chapter 5: Midsummers

Chapter 6: Parcel 9

Chapter 7: Dead Calm

Chapter 8: The Runway

Chapter 9: The Bell Tower

Chapter 10: The Phantom

Season 2-

Chapter 11: The Gold

Chapter 12: The Heist

Chapter 13: Prayers

Chapter 14: Homecoming

Chapter 15: The Darkest Hour

Chapter 16: My Druthers

Chapter 17: The Bonfire

Chapter 18: The Cross

Chapter 19: Trapped

Chapter 20: The Coastal Venture

Season 3-

Extras-

The Letter:

The letters exchanged between Y/N and JJ

The Sleepover:

Y/N and Kie's sleepover

Surfing:

JJ teaching Y/N how to surf