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the ghost of english philosopher john locke, slowly materializing beside my bed after i summoned him to help me with my gov paper: Tis in the interest of the Publick Good to consume a Weede, be it through the Smoking of a Joynte or mayhaps the Bong, from Time to Time. Furthermore tis Necessary, for those Men living in Civil Society, under the Laws of the Common-wealth, to enjoy as part of their Natural Right a bit of the Vape whenever they so require it

me: holy shit its john locke

In this time of crisis and struggle:

Bring back Top Gun summer.

Things to do when bored:

Read the Wikipedia article on Gen Z

You won't regret it, or maybe you will, I don't know.

things i’ve heard college students say pt. 28

-i wonder if they’ll make a musical for cocaine bear 

-no disrespect to the Amish community but it would be a lot cooler if they were pirates 

-if I saw a minion in person I’d put it in a microwave 

-y’all be hating on meter maids and then say you want to fuck the rabbit from Zootopia  

-the Godfather is so good, I wish Italians were real

-everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she squeezes her used tampons onto you and says she likes blood play 

-submissive women in STEM, call her biodegradable 

-this edible is beating my ass cause now there’s bugs in my skin and i need a man 

- “do not announce on Yik Yak when you are going to masterbate” we’re literally living in 1984

-i wish on your birthday CVS would you a free Plan B like Dutch Bros gives you a free drink

-the tornado missed us cause someone told us it had to pay a cover for each bar it destroyed 

-its an American Cultures class, Zach, occasionally we’re gonna discuss RuPaul

-we all joke about the tour groups looking at us like we’re zoo animals but can it be a petting zoo instead? Hand feed me bitch I’m starving 

-(damn girl I’d suck the eggs outta your ovary like boba) 

Nice job Paul, you found the line! 

-if you skip class but go to office hours it cancels out, its PEMDAS 

-don’t mind me just gnawing on a hunk of parmesan like a dog 

-i love answering the phone hello love, i wish British people were real 

-we’re a drinking school with a liberal arts problem

-frat boys be like damn, I got Title IX violations due tomorrow 

-girls will have an STD and still call themselves a snack, like okay food poisoning 

-do you really take an 8am if you don’t tell everyone around you that you’re taking an 8am

-hey girl, since that tornado didn’t blow your back out, can I?

-how you gonna be a communication major and not text me back 

-sure Europe has less school shootings, but how many lifted dodge pick ups do y’all got over there?

-I need a nap. I need vodka. I need a 159% on the final to get an A in the class 

-no offense but some of y’all’s rose tattoos look like cabbage 

-eggs be so expensive, I be hiding them in my hoochie at the store and then laying them myself when I get home 

The “old habits die hard” trope has me absolutely in it’s chokehold and I’m so giddy about it

rooster (top gun maverick) and peter (divergent series) fighting and willard (footloose 2011) is also there

based on this

I had an essay question on Julius Caesar’s lasting legacy so I wrote five paragraphs on Tumblr’s love for the Ides of March

- the daggers just hanging out -

Rooster, picking up his phone: Hey uncle ice!

Phoenix: Ice..?

Hangman: Ice.. Iceman?

Hangman: Iceman.

Hangman: ICEMAN?? ADMIRAL KAZANSKY?!

The rest of the squad: ADMIRAL KAZANSKY??

Are you the "I will eat the good food first and let the bad come last" neurodivergent or the "I will suffer through the bad food first so I can end with the good" neurodivergent?

Every peice in chess was carefully considered before inclusion. The pawns are there cause you need a bunch of little guys. The bishop is there to market to the religious demographic. Horsie is there cause people like horsies. And the rook? That's sex appeal baby

whenever you feel like the ugliest girl on earth just wash your hair

At my core I need to shut the hell up and read a short novel that changes me forever

being in the pool while it’s raining should be considered an emotion

Will I ever get under this man? I mean over…

Same dropped 10$ on a shot glass in a museum gift shop I didn’t even look around the museum

No other way to say it but I am a huge slut for museum gift shops

This is the most insane thing to me. I didn’t know it was like nationwide. It’s insane. I thought it was just my guy friends and their odd brains that love chess but no, it’s plagued society.

one fun thing about being a teacher in march 2023 is that chess is a literal epidemic among teens. we are starting to have meetings about how we can STOP teenagers from playing too much chess which is like if we were trying to figure out how to stop them from reading for fun. When i was in high school five years ago chess was nerd shit only but now it is transcending every social and language barrier and is absolutely rampant. kids aren’t on their phone texting in class anymore it’s ONLY chess.com. kids are playing chess on their phones while playing chess in real life. this is still better than tiktok because at least the kids are developing an attention span from this

no see the thing is I think he has a point

My friend and i were having a conversation about how delusional we are when it comes to guys 😭 and then immediately and we’re both losing it the absolute CRAZIEST thunder I’ve ever heard happened and we lost power. This was her response.