itsasilentreader

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180 posts

Itsasilentreader - ─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

ᯤ⭑ 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 ― 𝐒𝐞𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐒𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Sebastian Sallow x reader

𝙂𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚: Angst, suggestive

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 3.1K — 21 𝙢𝙞𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙

𝙏𝙒/𝘾𝙒: Brief mention of Y/N, but no physical descriptions were given. Characters are aged up. hurt/comfort but also angst with no happy ending, (mentions of) death, grief. (please let me know if I've missed one!)

𝘼/𝙉: I have changed the timeline from the 5th year to somewhere in their 7th year, even though it is not actually mentioned, it makes it fit better into the timeline I have in my head. And I normally don’t read angst because I don’t want my fragile little heart to break, but I still wrote this??? I also don’t really know how to write angst (yet) but I hope you all enjoy this piece.

⤷ 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘚𝘦𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘢𝘯'𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘦, 𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵. 𝘚𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭.

⋮ 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁

It all happened so fast. Flashes of red blasted in front of your eyes. Trying to hold off Sebastian’s uncle Solomon while fighting off any inferius with fire. That is until you see the walls light up with green and you see Solomon fall on the ground. Your mind is not processing what is happening as you watch the scene in front of you fold out. You watch as Solomon’s wand rolls out of his lifeless hand. Ear-deafening silence falls upon you.

“Depulso!”, you hear Anne scream and Sebastian is blasted backwards, knocking the wind out of him. She looked around at all the inferius and lit them on fire with incendio.

Anne shuffles towards her uncle. Tears glistened in her eyes, threatening to fall free. She stands up and faces the grimoire before destroying it. “Bombarda!” Sebastian’s hope of finding a cure for Anne goes up in flames in front of him. “No!”, he screams out, but not able to move from his spot.

Anne clutches her stomach in pain. She already was in terrible pain because of the curse, but nothing could compare to the heartbreak she felt at that moment. In that moment, she lost all of her family. She looks back at Sebastian, pain and grief in her eyes. “You’ve made your choice”, she said.

Sebastian lightly shakes his head. Anne kneels next to her uncle’s body and lets her tears fall free. Sebastian reached out to her, even though she was nowhere near him, but she apparated without sparing him another glance.

You managed to drag Sebastian back to the Undercroft and sat him down on the old couch he once conjured in this space. He hasn’t said a word since Anne apparated. “I fucked up. I-”, Sebastian shut his eyes tightly and inhaled sharply, “I-I killed him.”

“Hey, hey look at me,” you took his face in both hands. His brown eyes found yours, but they felt empty. Tears are forming and threaten to fall down his face. “How could I do this? Anne will never forgive me”, Sebastian whispers to you. His tears fell freely, and you did your best to wipe them all away for him. His hands gripped your wrists tightly.

For once, you didn’t know what to tell him, because what would you say to someone who just used an Unforgivable curse, a killing curse, on their uncle?

Instead of replying to Sebastian, you pulled him closer to you. His sobs broke free and he clutched your cloak in his hands. As if he was afraid you would disappear on him too. You ran your hands through his hair and whispered to him that it would be okay, eventually. But there was a nagging feeling in your gut. Will it truly be okay?

“Anne will never forgive me,” he repeated, seemingly in shock. “What do I do now?”, he whispered through his sobs. You didn’t respond right away, “I don’t know Seb”. You sighed while still holding him in your arms. Knowing you didn’t leave him to be on his own right after he killed his uncle, gave him some form of safety and dare he say love. The charismatic boy you met when you first came to Hogwarts broke down in your arms and showed his vulnerability.

“I think we do need to know what Anne will do with this now. There is a chance she will turn you in.” You said to the brunette boy in your arms. He nodded, “I know, and she is right to do so.” He stayed silent after that and for a while, you two stayed like that. “Maybe Ominis can convince her not to send you to Azkaban. He probably knows of it by now.” You shifted your position a bit so you could properly look at Sebastian.

He looked deep in thought. “He might be my best friend, but he absolutely does not want to be involved in dark magic. I don’t know if I can trust him on our friendship to not send me to Azkaban”. Sebastian looked at you. His eyes were red and the mischievous spark in his brown eyes was gone. In front of you, he seemed like a shell of who he once was.

“I will talk to him. Ask him, convince him, if he can reason with Anne not to turn you in. She already lost her uncle, she doesn’t need to lose her brother too”, you told him. He nodded slightly. “Hopefully she will reason with him”. Silence fell over you again, but you didn’t let go of Sebastian. His tears stopped falling but the stains were still visible on his cheeks. “We will figure something out”. He nodded absently but kept his firm grip on you.

The silence surrounding you made you think about the boy you were holding in your arms. It made you wonder where it went wrong and how he ended up on this path with dark magic. It also made you wonder why you are here with him. Most people would run off in fear of what they might do to them, but here you are, holding and consoling him. Most people also can’t see traces of Ancient Magic, but you can see it.

It was no secret that you and Sebastian were close. There was a connection between the two of you that neither of you addressed, or wanted to address. After all you’ve been through together, it might be that you have created a (massive) soft spot for the freckled boy in your arms. And it is no secret that Sebastian holds you close to his heart. How could he not when you were there, right by his side, to help him with every quest to find a cure for his twin? It was an unspoken connection of love that neither of you dared to address.

An idea popped into your head, “Come with me.” You stood up from the old couch, which was way too small for the two of you. With his hand in yours, you let him out of the Undercroft.

When you eventually walked up the stairs of the astronomy tower, Sebastian figured out you were bringing him to the Room of Requirement.

The enormous door appeared and you led Sebastian inside. Confusion is still visible on his face, “Why are we here?” he asks. You gave him a soft smile while leading him towards the vivarium. “Whenever I feel discouraged, I always visit these little guys.” You let go of his hand for a moment, already missing the warmth and took out your wand.

“Maybe just sitting here with them will help you gather your thoughts,” you sat down and pat the ground next to you. He watches as the little puffskeins skip towards the two of you and eventually sits down next to you. His thigh pressed against yours and your hands so close you can almost touch each other. “It might help us to have a clear mind and come up with a plan together.”

You conjured two brushes, one for you and one for Sebastian, and started to brush the puffskeins closest to you. The two of you sat in silence, a peaceful silence. It was a stark contrast between the silence that surrounded you now and the ear-deafening silence that engulfed you back in the catacomb where Sebastian killed his uncle. You never thought you would sit here with Sebastian, brushing the puffskeins you had saved. But then again, you also never thought Sebastian would kill his uncle.

Sebastian watched you brush the little creatures before speaking up, “Thank you.” Your gaze met his and he looked down at the little creature that managed to climb in his lap. You continued to watch him and wait for him to speak up again. “I don’t deserve you, your kindness,” he shook his head lightly before whispering, “Your love.”

“Sebastian-”, he shook his head again before his eyes found yours again. “I mean it Y/N. Sometimes I wonder why you are still here, by my side.” You frowned at his words. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Sebastian turned away slightly, seemingly avoiding looking at you before speaking his next words.

“I’ve always seen the dark arts as a value when it’s needed. But after that day when we found Salazar Slytherin’s scriptorium, and I-” he pauses and closes his eyes for a second, “When I casted the Cruciatus curse on you, I thought I had lost you.” He said.

You looked away and let his words sink in. “But you were still there for me, by my side, after that. I should have never cast that curse on you. Ever.” His voice cracked at the end of his sentence, and his head dropped. “Sometimes I still hear your screams when I lay in bed at night. The sound of your pain pierces through me, through my heart.” Your heart clenched at the thought of him replaying that scene over and over again in the dark of night, alone.

“You know I wouldn’t let you cast it if I wasn’t sure about it Sebastian.” He shook his head. “You don’t understand Y/N, Ominis was right. You will regret it from the moment you use it. Just like tonight. It haunts me and it always will haunt me.” You shuffled closer to him before you spoke up, “I will always be there for you, you know that. Please just let me be there for you.” You chose your words carefully before softly adding, “Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

“That’s the thing Y/N, I don’t deserve it. At all. I’ve only caused you pain and I will only continue to cause pain, destruction and grief. I don’t know if I could control myself.” You let a sigh escape your lips before grabbing both of his hands in yours. His hands felt rough in contrast to yours.

“Most people would turn their back on you, run away as far as they can. But I will not leave you behind or cast you aside.” His hopeful eyes observed you as you spoke so softly to him. “We have been through so much together. You were the one who helped me navigate this magic I had no idea of.” You sighed and looked down at his hands in yours.

“You would really want to be with me, even after tonight? After seeing me committing something so-, so heinous?”, he whispered to you. “You shouldn’t be with someone like me, I won’t be what you need.” Breathing deeply, he slowly slipped his hands out of your hold. Missing the feeling of his hands in yours instantly. His shoulders slumped and you shook your head at his words.

“I know this is a frightening time, and I’m not going to lie to you about it. This will take a toll on you, on us and our…,” not daring to say the word ‘relationship’ as you didn’t know where you stood on that. You turned your head away and shifted in your spot on the ground. The little puffskeins still cuddled up to you as you picked up your brush again.

“This won’t mean I’ll turn my back on you Sebastian. I want to be there for you, every step of the way. If I wouldn’t do that for you, for us, I wouldn’t be here right now with you.”

After a few beats of silence, you felt Sebastian shift next to you. A nervous smile is painted on his lips. He’s fidgeting with the brush and the little puffskein in his lap, seemingly reflecting on the words you have just spoken.

Then, he put down his brush and let the little creature off his lap. He turned his body towards you and “I don’t deserve you, but I’m mad about you Y/N.” Your heart stammered in your chest by his confession. This was the first time he confessed it was more than just a friendship.

Inching closer to each other, you felt your heart skip a beat when his cologne infiltrated your senses yet again tonight. Eyes flickering from your eyes to your mouth, you felt his hand cradle your cheek and the other one wrap around your waist to pull you closer. Lips brushed over each other while both of you didn’t dare to move.

Your eyes met his and with a whisper of his name, he pulled you in. When your lips touched, it felt like time stopped. Every ounce of his love for you was felt through this kiss and the touch of his lips. Your hands found their way onto his neck and his hair. You’ve finally dared to cross that line and it felt freeing. “If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m mad about you too.” You spoke against his lips before capturing his plump lips again for another kiss.

You felt him smile against your lips and a soft sigh escaped his lips. Breathless you pulled away to rest your forehead against his. You observed every detail on his face through your eyelashes. How his eyes were closed and a soft, small smile was displayed on his soft lips. Every freckle that made his face so unique and pretty. And still, you wondered how someone so beautiful could have such a dark side. How well hidden this side was until you came along and urged him to find a cure for his twin sister.

You stayed like this for a while, savouring each other's company. Every once in a while stealing a soft kiss. His eyes stayed on yours and even though, the mischievous sparkle in his eyes is gone the love he had for you was evident in his chocolate-brown eyes. “Come on, let’s go back.” You gave him one quick kiss and grabbed his hand. As you both stood up, his hand never left yours.

You made sure the beasts in the vivarium were well-fed before walking towards the entrance of the vivarium with Sebastian right beside you. Upon entering the Room of Requirement again, you felt it rumble and another unknown door appeared to your right. “This room astonishes me every time.” Sebastian smiled in amazement.

A soft giggle escaped your lips and Sebastian’s face lit up upon hearing it. You walked in front of him and entered the room that was conjured before you. It shouldn’t surprise you that this room made sure you had a cosy room for just the two of you, away from prying eyes. It felt that you needed this at this moment with Sebastian. A stark contrast of what had happened; you laying in bed with your love and what happened mere hours before.

The clock on the nightstand read 2 AM, but you were still wide awake. Sebastian’s head was resting on your chest, listening to your heartbeat. It gave him peace and comfort. You, however, felt that gnawing feeling in your gut again. How will you ever convince Ominis, one of Sebastian’s dearest friends, to let him walk away free? Is it even possible to reason with Anne or did she make up her mind already?

Mindlessly, you’ve been running your fingers through Sebastian’s hair and you felt him occasionally give you a soft kiss on your chest. You stayed like this until Sebastian spoke up, “Thank you, again.” A soft smile spread on your lips. “Of course, I’ll be there for you. Always.” A sad smile appeared on his face and he felt his eyes water. His eyes fluttered closed to prevent them from falling. “I will never forget it.” His grip on your waist tightened.

His words repeated themselves in your mind and it didn’t help you ease that gnawing gut feeling you felt. Why did those last five words feel like a goodbye? Your mind was wandering and eventually sleep took over both of you as you were intertwined with each other, two hearts beating as one.

As you awoke from your slumber, you had to take a moment before you remembered where you were. Soft rays of sunshine peeked through the window and you stretched your body to get up. You turned around to expect Sebastian’s warm body next to yours, but you were met with an empty, cold space. The sheets were still crumpled as if someone laid there just a few moments before.

Confused you look around in the room, but no sign of the chestnut-haired boy. A slight panic travelled through your body as you got out of bed. You opened the door, hoping to see him there but with no luck. It was as if he was never there.

Frustration filled you, you swallowed hard. What was he up to? Did he turn himself in? Did he go to Anne himself to reason with her? To apologize? Suddenly, you heard footsteps coming from the top vivarium where your Phoenix resided. Hopeful you looked up and expected Sebastian to walk down the stairs but to your disappointment, it was just Deek.

“Mr. Sallow left a note for you. He wanted Deek to give it to you.” Lips pressed together, you nodded and took the note from Deek’s hands. Folding it open, your eyes filled with tears and you felt your heart break.

“Thank you for loving me even though I didn’t deserve it. Please tell Anne I’m sorry.”

It seems your gnawing gut feeling was right, he was saying goodbye to you last night.

Sebastian didn’t show up that whole week and news travelled fast. After all, someone with his charisma is well-known and easily missed when he is not around. Sitting down across from Ominis at breakfast, you watched him for a moment. Ominis clutched his utensils as he silently eavesdropped on some students sitting further down the table. His face wore a pained expression. “I’ve heard his uncle died so suddenly in his sleep. Now he and his sister really have no one left. He probably went back home to his sister.” Ominis let out a scoff before continuing to eat his breakfast.

You and Ominis knew better. Sebastian didn’t return to his home in Feldcroft, he didn’t return to Anne. He knows how much pain he caused her, and both you and Ominis for dabbling in dark magic. He didn’t want to cause more pain and grief to those closest to him, not knowing if he could stay on the right path after feeling the power dark magic can give you.

So he disappeared that night as if he never existed in your life. And every night, you still sat in the Undercroft, hoping one day he would return to you.

Thank you for reading! All the likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated <3

Itsasilentreader - ─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

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