Strap Up

Strap Up

Amelia Shepherd x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, pure unadulterated smut, strap, sex (duh), I'm really bad at labeling smut for warnings so just tell me if I'm missing something and I'll add it, explicit language, NSFW Word Count: 2k

Summary: You and Amelia decide to use a new toy for the first time. How will it go? (Hint: it goes really well.)

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Amelia asked, running a hand through your hair.

“I’m sure,” you assured her, pulling her down to your mouth for a kiss. Your hands ran wild over her body, desperate for more. You felt Amelia sink into you, her thumbs at the edges of your eyebrows as she deepened the kiss.

“I just–” she stuttered, pulling away. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Amelia.” You grasped her chin in your hands and looked at her, hard. “Just strap up and fuck me.”

She exhaled deeply, letting her eyes roam all the way down your body.

“If you’re sure…”

She got out of bed and started pulling on the strap she’d prepared earlier, at your request.

You lounged, hands folded behind your head, and watched, trying not to laugh.

“What?” she asked, adjusting the straps while you stared at her.

You giggled. “It just looks kind of silly!”

She grinned mischievously and crawled toward you on the bed. “Y/N Y/L/N! Are you laughing at my dick?!”

You chuckled and squirmed as she tickled you, pinning you under her body. “Penises are objectively funny!” you argued.

Amelia kneaded your breasts in her hands, slipping her tongue into your mouth. You let out an involuntary whine and she smiled into your lips. She bit your ear and you couldn’t help but arch your back.

“We’ll see how funny you think it is when you’re coming,” she whispered, her breath hot in your ear.

You cradled the back of her neck, grabbing the hair at her nape and jerking it slightly. She moaned, her eyes fluttering shut.

“Make me then,” you said, your eyes meeting her deep, blue ones. God, you could lose yourself in them.

Amelia ran her tongue down your throat, planting open-mouthed kisses along your collarbone. You felt like you were floating as she made her way lovingly down your body. It wasn’t that she was always gentle–she wasn’t. And you usually had the marks on your body to prove it. It was that she was reverent, almost worshipful. It was as if she lost herself in you. And there was nothing that drove you crazier than the feeling of her, the weight of her, on top of you.

It’s not that you minded giving. You really enjoyed it. You were a switch to your core. But Amelia? Amelia was a giver. And, god, you loved to let her. Whatever she needed to do to you, with you, to get you off–and therefore get herself off–you were down for it. At least, except for the strap. Until tonight.

Amelia ran her fingers through your slick folds and you moaned, pushing your hips toward her. She circled your clit with one hand and brushed your bangs out of your face with the other.

“Are you ready?” she asked, looking at you with so much love, so much concern that, honestly, you would have done anything for her. You nodded, lightly stroking her thigh.

“Okay.” She planted a firm kiss on your forehead before brushing the tip of her strap against your glistening entrance, making sure to coat it with plenty of lube.

You whined in anticipation, your chest already heaving. Okay, so maybe you were a little nervous. The only things you’d ever had inside of you were fingers and tampons. And the strap Amelia was wearing, though it was one of the smallest she owned, was still significantly bigger than either of those things.

You felt your body start to stretch as Amelia slowly pushed the head of the strap into you. You groaned as the pain hit you, grabbing at the bedsheets with your fists and clenching your jaws.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?” Amelia asked, concerned. You could tell by the rough tenor of her voice that she was very turned on, but that she would turn it off just as quickly if that’s what you needed.

You shook your head, eyebrows furrowed. “No, keep going. Just… slow, please.”

Amelia nodded, guiding the strap into you at a snail’s pace, ready to stop moving whenever you said the word. But she felt overwhelmingly aroused watching her strap disappear into you. You were so tight. It had to hurt, she knew. She remembered her first time. It had hurt badly. More because it was a dumb boy who didn’t give a shit about what felt good for her. She wanted it to be different for you. She wanted it to be good. She wanted to make you feel good.

Amelia pushed slowly forward with her hips, watching you closely for any signs that you wanted to stop. When her hips finally hit yours, when she was fully inside you, she let out a shaky gasp. It was taking everything in her not to start thrusting into you, but she wouldn’t do it, not until she was sure you were ready for it.

Your face underneath her was red, and the occasional tear rolled down the side of your face. Taking advantage of this soft moment, relishing being inside of you, Amelia leaned forward, pressing her body into yours, and planted kisses all over your scrunched, burning face.

“You’re doing so good, bean,” she breathed, her own breath heavy and desperate. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, still getting used to the feeling of being filled. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t hurt. It did hurt–badly. But it felt good, too, inexplicably good. You felt your walls contracting and releasing and pulsing around Amelia’s strap and you knew, even through the pain, that you wanted more.

You pushed your hips up experimentally and a wave of pleasure rolled over you as the strap hit at a new angle.

Amelia grinned at you, kissing you to swallow your moan.

“Amelia,” you said, breathing heavily.

She brushed a sweaty strand of hair out of your face. “Yeah, baby?”

“Go ahead,” you nodded.

“Go ahead?” she confirmed, grinning goofily.

“Fuck me,” you told her, then thought better of it and grabbed her hand. “Gently, please.”

She leaned down, cupping your face in her hands and staring into your eyes lovingly. She pressed her mouth to yours, and you felt her hips move, the strap slowly moving out of you, then thrusting inward, hitting parts of you that you didn’t even know could be hit.

You gasped in both pain and pleasure, grasping at Amelia’s back for dear life as she moved in and out, in and out. When you managed to open your eyes, you saw that Amelia was watching you intently, no doubt solving you like a puzzle to figure out what you liked and what you didn’t. She was a woman of science, after all.

It was as if your body was out of your control, as if it knew what you needed more than your brain did. Your hips bucked up to meet Amelia’s, your back arching, arms pulling her into you for more, more, more.

Amelia was moaning by now, too, the strap hitting just right against her clit as you pulled her hips to yours. You could tell she was trying hard to keep control of herself when what she really wanted was to chase her high. You knew Amelia’s body like the back of your hand. The way she got there was fast and hard, and she was doing her level best to put off her own pleasure and make sure you were comfortable and enjoying yourself.

You felt the space underneath your stomach tighten, and you knew you were close. You could feel your body pulsing, feel it tightening around Amelia as if it, too, just like your mind and soul, never wanted to let her go.

“Amy,” you gasped, your voice shaky.

She looked down at your wide eyes, relishing the way your breath came faster and faster, the way your body squirmed desperately against hers.

“I need you deeper,” you pleaded. “All the way in. Please, as far as you can go.”

Her brow furrowed. “Are you sure?” she asked, her breath heavy, a light coat of sweat shining on her face. “It might hurt.”

“Please,” you begged, wrapping your legs around her waist to draw her further in.

She didn’t need any more encouragement. Wrapping her arms around your body, she shoved into you as deep as she could, grasping at you, pulling you to her to deepen the thrust, then repeating the motion, again and again, until even she couldn’t control it anymore. She rutted into you, as desperate for release as you were, and nearly as close.

Amy’s head was next to yours, her arms around your neck as she pulled at you, shoving herself deeper, deeper. You were close, you were so close. Amy let out a strangled moan, her breath hot on your ear, and you were coming undone. You gasped and moaned, your hips jerking into her, nails digging into her back, as you yelled her name. “Amy!” you cried. “Fuck!” It felt like it would never end, waves of bliss washing over you, hard and rhythmic and so, so good.

Amelia’s hips rocked against yours, and she kissed you again and again. Your mouth, your eyelids, your nose, your eyebrows. She gasped, pushing herself harder into you.

“I'm close, baby,” she said, shakily.

“Hey,” you said, still out of breath, grasping her chin. “I want you to come inside me.”

Amelia laughed breathily, trying to get enough oxygen in to finish what she’d started. “You know this isn’t a real dick, right?”

“You know what I mean,” you said, guiding her hips with your hands, so that she pushed harder into you. “Come on, baby. Come for me.”

Her breath became more and more frantic, her hips jerking the strap in and out, in and out of you. You could tell by the way her breath caught that she was about to topple over the edge, so you held her tightly, pushing your own hips forward to meet hers. She gasped, thrusting into you as she rode out her high, the strap jerking sporadically into you as it matched her rhythm.

You’d never felt closer to her in your life than you did then, as she lay on top of you, completely spent, covered in sweat, face beet red, her strap still resting inside you. You wanted this forever. You wanted Amelia, always and forever. Inside you. Around you. Touching you. Laughing with you. Kissing you. Sleeping next to you. All of it, always.

You let out another tired moan as Amelia slid the strap out of you, unbuckling the harness and throwing it to the side. She crawled up your body and lay down next to you, both of you a sweaty mess on top of the sheets, breathing heavily. She shot you a cheesy grin, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“What?” you said, turning your body toward her and running a hand through her sweaty hair.

“Still think the strap is silly?” She smirked, a shit-eating look of absolute triumph on her face.

You chuckled. “The strap, no. Penises, yes.”

“How do you feel?” She traced the freckles on your arm. By now, she knew where all of them were. She probably even knew how many.

You exhaled. “Blissed out. Uh… stretched out, too. Probably sore tomorrow.”

Amelia nodded. “But you liked it?”

You placed a hand on your forehead, blushing at the memory. “So much. I feel like that Madonna song.”

“Like a virgin,” Amelia sang, tickling you, her voice wildly off key. “Touched for the very first time.”

You grabbed her hands, giggling. “Alright, Madonna. Shower?”

She kissed your cheek firmly before rolling out of bed. “Like a vi-i-i-irgin.” You rolled your eyes as Amelia’s voice faded into the background, mixing with the sounds of running water as she turned the shower on. “When your heart beats… next to mine.”

Sub Luke is a needy boy

needy

pairing; luke alvez x fem!reader

summary; when luke returns from a case, you can tell that he needs to relax and so you help him.

warnings; MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, 18+ pure smut, sub!luke, soft dom!reader, oral (m&f receiving), unprotected p in v (wrap it before you tap it guys), luke being so so needy

notes; okay, this one-shot has been on my mind for fucking DAYS, like DAYS, i saw this ask like at the start of the week or end of last week, idk and i just had an idea but it has taken me so long to actually write it up, but i wrote it up and fuck, i love it. well, okay, love is a bit of an overstatement, i don't love luke's dialogue bc i'm struggling to get his voice nailed down but i did what i could, also the end is kind of rushed so might get edited at a later date but i can make no promises, i just hope you enjoy my absolutely sluttish thoughts on luke alvez <3

also it's like 3.2k words hehe

masterlist

You hadn’t expected Luke back so early but when you heard the front door close and Roxy bound towards it, you knew he was home. And it was just in time for dinner that you had cooked for the both of you. You had a container ready in case he didn’t make it but knowing that he had made you smile. You glanced over to see him walking through the living room and to the kitchen, Roxy at his side. He had a barely there smile on his face.

“Hi,” You said softly as he walked up behind you. He wrapped his arms around your waist, nuzzling his face in your neck. You leant back against him, stirring the pasta one last time before you covered it with the pan lid again. His hands rested against your stomach as listened to you breathe, feeling the rise and fall of your chest. You stayed quiet, leaning back against him, eyes closed. 

Sometimes he needed to just be with you and you were never going to deny him that.

“Missed you,” He muttered into your skin after a few minutes of silence. You tilted your head to the side slightly, pressing a kiss to the bit of his head you could reach.

“Missed you more,” You responded. He lifted his head up and looked at you. His smile didn’t reach his eyes and his shoulders were tense. He looked wound up and you tilted your head to the side slightly, “Was the case okay?” You asked cautiously. He shrugged. That was a no. 

But, rather than digging into it, you decided to let it go. You wanted him to relax for at least a little bit; so you asked him if he wanted to eat with you. He - obviously - did and so you plated up the meal before the two of you headed to the living room. You put on the TV and you sat and ate.

Roxy lay beside Luke and you felt the tension release in his shoulders the longer the three of you sat there. It was nice, to just be with him for a little bit but you were having some devious thoughts. 

He had been away for nearly a week on cases and you didn’t mind but you knew that he might need some attention. The tension in his shoulders, the tick of his jaw, the twitching of his hands all told you one thing, he was worked up but you wanted to help him relax now he was home. Who were you to deny that?

So, you slowly set your plan in motion. Little touches here and there, kissing his head and snuggling into him a little closer. You didn’t want to push him if he wasn’t up to it but you wanted him to feel loved. 

Eventually, you agreed to head to bed and while Luke went upstairs to take a shower, you put the dishes away and then sat with Roxy for a moment. You mumbled to her about her staying downstairs tonight and kissed her on the head before asking her to go to sleep in the dog bed. She followed orders and you kissed her head again, promising her that she could sleep in your bed in the morning.

Then you headed upstairs where Luke was still in the shower. A smirk spread across your face and you slipped your clothes off as you walked towards the ensuite. You slipped into the shower room and opened the shower door cautiously. Luke glanced back briefly, sending you a half-smile before you stepped inside. If he didn’t want you there, he would have said. So, it was time for your next play.

“Feeling better?” You asked softly as you came up behind him. You wrapped your arms around his torso, resting your head against his shoulder and he leant back into your touch. The tension had returned back to his shoulders but the soft patterns you ran across his stomach seemed to calm him down again.

“You’ve been so busy lately,” You mumbled against his skin, “You work so hard for me and I’m so proud of you, baby,” You whispered in his ear. He shivered against you, feeling your hand slip lower, towards his happy trail, “I need to know if you don’t want this,” You whispered. He was crumbling under your light touches and his eyes fell closed as your hand came to a stop at the bottom of his stomach. He let out a soft groan, “Use your words, baby,” You encouraged. You needed to hear him say it before you did anything.

“I want you,” He confirmed, letting his head fall back. You grinned against his skin and peppered soft kisses against the damp skin of his shoulder. The water was trickling down his front and you thought he looked so handsome. His hair was wet, curls sticking to his forehead and the tension was releasing from his shoulders as you moved your hand down to wrap around his cock.

He was still soft but with a few pumps of your hand, he was fully hard and desperate for you. He bit his lip, holding back a groan that threatened to spill past his lips as you moved your hand further down his cock. Your thumb flicked over the sensitive head, pre-cum leaking across your fingertip and you smirked.

“My pretty boy, you’ve been wanting this all week, haven’t you?” You whispered in his ear, continuing to tease the head of his cock. He nodded his head, letting out a breathy groan as you squeezed the tip. Then you wrapped your hand around his cock, sliding it up and down. The water made the movements slicker and the water against his front only added to the tantalising feelings of pleasure. 

“Couldn’t wait to get home to you,” He admitted as you continued to move your hand, manoeuvring your head to watch yourself, “I missed you so much,” He continued, “Missed your cooking and your laughs, I missed your hands on me,” He rambled. You chuckled softly, surprised that that’s what he was thinking about now. Clearly, you hadn’t broken him enough and so you slipped your hand away and to his hips. You tugged him back.

“Fuck,” He groaned at the loss of contact and let you maneover him so he was resting against the wall of the shower. You then slipped down onto your knees. The shower floor wasn’t the comfiest but you wanted to have him mewling for you. Luke was needy already and you were never going to deny seeing him fall apart for you. You wanted to know that you made him feel good. “Don’t want you thinking about anything but how good I make you feel, okay?” You asked, though it was more of a statement as you looked up at him. He nodded his head and you smirked, leaning forward and licking the underside of his cock. He groaned, his head rested back against the tiles as you used your hand to gently guide him into your mouth. You had missed the stretch of his cock and the moan that escaped his lips when you took him to the hilt. It was something you craved and the way he was crumbling now made it all worth it.

“God, carina. Make me feel good, that’s all I need, just need you, just want you,” He was already devolving into ramblings and you had barely done anything. He must have been really desperate and so rather than teasing him anymore, you quickly got to work. You moved your head up and down, hollowing out your cheeks and using your tongue to run across the veins of his cock.

Every few bobs, you lifted back to pay special attention to the tip. His moans only got louder the quicker you moved and his hands moved to grab something, for purchase but there was nothing. So, you grabbed his hand and dragged it into your hair. He groaned, tugging at your roots as you continued to move up and down. It was everything he had been needing and he quickly devolved into ‘oh, God’s and ‘please’s and ‘you’re so perfect’s and ‘you’re all i need’s and all the tension seemed to finally leave his body as you dragged him closer and closer to the edge.

Every kiss and lick to the tip of his dick and every groan you let out because of his grip on your hair brought him closer. And just as he was about to release, you pulled off. He let out a whine, a goddamn whine and you couldn’t help the smirk that spread on your lips. His eyes fell open as you continued to move your hand up and down his shaft, slowing the pace.

“Carina, don’t tease me,” He begged softly. You looked up at him through your lashes, “Let me be good for you, please, baby, please.” He was desperate to cum and you knew it. His whole body was wound up from being denied but you were going to make it worth it.

“I’m sorry, baby. I just wanted to ask if you wanted to cum down my throat? You’ve been such a good boy, I thought I’d give you the choice. Down my throat, on my chest or inside me, hm? I don’t wanna tease you, baby. I’m sorry for teasing you,” You cooed up at him as you continued your movements. His eyes fell closed at your words, head falling back as he tried to gain some strength.

“I want you on the bed, baby,” He said between groans and you smirked. In all honesty, you’d hope he would say that and you clambered to your feet, giving his tip one last kiss before you pulled his face down to yours. It was the first proper kiss you’d given him since he’d been home and it was fuelled by every passion racing through your bodies. His fingers dug into the skin of your hips, hungry and desperate for any part of you. But you knew you’d get carried away if you weren’t careful and so you pressed your hand against his chest.

“I thought you wanted me on the bed? Come on, let’s get to the bed, hm? Then I can ride you,” You teased playfully. Luke was looking at you with lust-blown eyes, his hair was wet and messy. His hands desperate to paw any part of you, he was so desperate.

You switched the shower off and when you turned back, his hands were on you, dragging you into him. He was desperate, needy, his lips connecting with yours. His fingers gripping your hips as he sloppily kissed you. You were breathless, not expecting how needy he was. His lips trailed from your lips to your neck, licking and biting at the skin. His arms wrapped around you, pressing you against him. His cock was pressed between you and you could feel how hard he was but it didn’t seem to bother him. He just wanted to kiss you, devour every part of your skin and you couldn’t help the soft whines and groans.

“Luke, baby,” Your demanding voice faltered when he nipped at the sensitive spot in your neck. A moan escaped your lips and he moved his hands to paw at your ass, tugging you closer if that was even possible, “Fuck.” You had never seen him so needy before and it was making it hard to think straight. His lips moved from your neck down to your tits and he kissed down the valley between them before he took your nipple between his lips, “Baby, I thought- Oh God,” You tried to argue back but then his lips slipped down to your stomach. He left sloppy, wet kisses across your damp skin before he reached your cunt. His fingers moved to spread your pussy before he attacked your clit. His tongue flicked across it and you keened. Your head thrown back against the wall as you gripped his wet hair, fingers digging into his scalp.

“Oh my- Luke,” You whined as you pressed your head against the tiles, hips canting up into him. As much as you wanted to give him a release, you had never seen him so needy for you. The way his lips sucked on your clit and his tongue flicked over it while his fingers spread you apart as he ate you out like a man starved was something you had never experienced. He had never been this needy for just a taste of you and you didn’t have the strength to deny it.

“Taste so good,” He mumbled against your clit. He licked a strip from your slit to your clit before he took your clit into his mouth again. You were whining, keening, throwing your head back as your legs shook. He noticed how unstable you were and was quick to grab your legs, pulling them over his shoulders as he continued to suck and lick your clit. His thumb rubbing over your clit whenever his lips slipped down to your slit, collecting the slick that was leaking out of you. His thumb moved in rough circles as he looked up at you,

“Am I making you feel good, baby?” He asked, eyes blown wide, desperate for your praise. You nodded your head.

“You’re doing such a good job, baby. Do you want to make me cum?” You asked. He flicked his thumb over your clit, changing direction and you moaned his name, back arching away from the tiles, “You’re gonna make me cum. Be a good boy and do that for me, yeah?” You managed between pants. Luke quickly dove back in, his head between your legs, eating you out like a man starved. His lips on your clit as you keened. Your fingers tugging at his hair as his free hand moved to slip his thumb into your opening. Your walls contracted around him and he groaned.

His thumb crooked inside of you, hitting that spongy spot and between that movement and his lips on your clit, you came. Your head was thrown back as you whined and groaned and keened. You felt boneless as he led you through the orgasm. His lips eventually moving to kiss your inner thigh before he let you down. Your legs were shaky and he slowly stood up, supporting your hip.

“Did that feel good?” He asked, arm wrapped around your waist as he leant down to rest his forehead against yours. You were still panting, desperately trying to grapple any control you had back. Part of you wanted to give into him, you wanted to let him do whatever he wanted to you. Even when he was needy, he was a giver but you needed to grapple control back.

“It did, baby, but this was about you,” You let out after a moment. When you opened your eyes, he was frowning, “Don’t pout, it’s okay,” You insisted as you lifted your hand to his cheek, “You did good but I need to take care of you now, hm? Your cock is weeping for me and I want you to cum inside me, okay?” Your tone was soft but he knew there was no arguing with that. So, he nodded, not bothering to argue.

The two of you finally slipped out of the shower and neither of you really cared that you were dripping water across the bedroom. Luke was worked up and desperate for you so he didn’t care that your wet skin soaked his sheets.

He was more interested in the way you straddled his hips once you’d gotten on the bed. The way your head dipped down to press kisses along his pecs. His fingers dug into your hips, urging you to hurry up. He was so needy, practically begging you to fuck him and after the way he had eaten you out, it was hard to deny it. You had never seen him so needy and desperate for any taste of you. You wanted to savour the moment.

“Carina, please,” He begged softly, tugging at your hair to pull your head up from his chest. He was begging so sweetly and it was hard to resist, “I want to feel you, need to. Do you know how hard it is to be away from you? Please.” You smirked against his chest and you leant forward, kissing him sweetly before you grabbed his dick and lined him up with your entrance.

Considering the lack of prep, he slipped inside relatively easily. Your cum and the arousal from having him between your legs made it much easier and you were quick to bottom out. The whine that escaped you was music to Luke’s ears. Your head threw back as you moved your hands to rest against his chest, using him to support each movement up and down his dick. He couldn’t help the moans and groans that escaped his lips as you picked up speed. The orgasm that he had been denied quickly began to build up again. Every movement brought him closer.

“You’re such a good boy, so patient with me,” You continued to praise as you moved up and down him, leaning closer to his face, “You gonna cum inside me?” You asked as you continued to thrust your hips into him. Luke let out a groan as his head threw back, your hips moving faster against him. He was dangerously close and you knew it, “Come on, Luke. Cum inside me, I wanna feel you. I’ve missed you so much, not been able to cum properly without you. I need you to fill me up, baby, please,” You begged into his ear. You knew that he couldn’t resist it and as his hips twitched upwards into you as his release spilled into you.

You rode him for a minute longer before you were sure that you had bled him dry. Then you settled against his chest, dick softening inside of you as you pressed a kiss to his pec.

“I missed you,” You muttered softly. He moved his hand to thread through your hair, stroking your temple with his thumb.

“I missed you more,” He responded. You grinned, pressing another kiss to his pec before you let yourself settle against him properly. After seeing him so desperate and needy, you didn’t want to separate from him even for a moment. It wasn’t often that he was needy and submissive. Usually, when he got needy, he would be the one coaxing you into it, fucking you until you couldn’t see straight and kissing every inch of your skin. But sometimes you were lucky and you got to take control and hear every needy whimper from his lips as you teased and pleasured him.

“Y’know if you eat me out like that every time I take charge, I might have to do it more often,” You muttered against him, shifting your hips up to move up and down his dick just a little. He groaned at the feeling, “I’ll have to get Emily to send you away for longer. Love when you’re needy for me,” You added. Luke chuckled softly, his eyes falling closed.

“I always need you,” He responded and you hummed in response, “Love everything you do to me,” He mumbled. You grinned and pressed a kiss to his chest before you shuffled up. His dick slipped out of you and you groaned at the loss but then you pressed a slow, soft kiss to his lips.

“Definitely gonna take charge more often,” You muttered. He grinned.

<3

Carina x reader based on the song Sara by we three

Sara

pairing: carina deluca x fem reader

category: hurt/comfort, fluff

warnings: self harm, suicide attempt

word count: 964

summary: based on sara by we three

"Seriously bambina you need to stop drinking." Carina snatched my beer from my hand and threw it in the trash. "It's not good for you."

"Well the air gives you cancer but we still breathe."

"You know what I mean." I sighed and leaned back against the couch, licking my lips and trying to clear my mind now that the alcohol was gone. "Next thing I know I'm going to find you in bed smoking weed!" She angrily fluffed the pillows but I didn't react, just stared ahead.

"It was just twice."

"Bambina? Seriously?" I finally looked to her, seeing the hurt and shocked look on her face. "Did you learn nothing from health class in school? Or from me? Come on bella, you know better."

"Weed isn't even that bad." I scoffed.

"I am not having this conversation." She stroked out of the room and slammed the door to our bedroom. I slumped down on the couch and pulled a blanket over me, guess I was sleeping on the couch tonight.

I could hide the cuts well as long as I wore long sleeves which was everyday now. Carina didn't expect anything, thank God. I didn't know how I would explain that to her. "Bambina! I'm home!" She sounded happier than normal which surprised me but I liked to see her that way.

"Hi." I got pulled into her arms as soon as she saw me. "What's up?"

"I delivered three babies today and they were all healthy and their mommies all lived too." She kissed my forehead. "It was a very good day." I smiled but it didn't quite reach my eyes. I was glad she was having a good day but I hadn't had one in so long, I was kind of jealous. "Bella what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Bambina..."

"It's nothing. I promise." She frowned but nodded, knowing better than to press the issue.

"Well...talk to me if you need to, ok?" I nodded and smiled.

"Thanks."

I scribbled down some words for Carina to explain to her why I was doing it. I did feel a bit bad, but she deserved so much better than me and if I was finally out of the way then she could find the person she was meant to be with. I was in everyone's way. There was no point to me being here, nothing was enjoyable anymore and no one loved me except for Carina but she could move on.

I slit my wrists cleanly as I heard the front door open, cutting deep. She wasn't supposed to be home yet I still had a few hours. "Bambina where are you? I've called you ten times!" Shit. I watched the blood pour onto the ground but I didn't try to stop it. I heard her start to walk upstairs and my heart dropped. "Bambina are you in there?" She stopped outside the bathroom door and knocked a few times. "Y/n?" I didn't answer. "Y/n are you in there?" She knocked more frantically now.

My vision was starting to get a bit blurry and she was trying to knock down the door, knowing that something was wrong. "Bambina, open the door!" The door finally giving in was the last thing I heard before eveyrhing went black.

I woke up in a bright room, hearing a steady beeping sound to my right and small sobs to my left. "You're awake." I heard Carinas broken voice so I turned my head. "Why'd you do it?"

"Hm?" I blinked slowly.

"Why'd you try to kill yourself?"

"I..." Her eyes softened as I struggled to come up with the words.

"You don't have to answer now bambina...I...I just want to know why...why you felt like you had to do it." I turned my head to stare at the ceiling, not knowing how to word it. I didn't want to tell her that I just needed to put an end to the pain because the distractions weren't doing it for me anymore but that was depressing and I didn't want her to be more concerned than she already was.

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are bella." She squeezed my hand. "You really scared me, you know that?"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"But I have so much to apologize for."

"Don't apologize for how you tried to get rid of your pain." My lips quivered as I tried not to cry. "And it's ok to cry." She sat down on the bed next to me. "You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to bella-"

"But I don't want to."

"Holding it back only makes things harder. When was the last time you cried?"

"Six months ago."

"Bambina..."

"I know...not good." I leaned into her, hugging her arm.

"I just want you to be ok."

"I want to be ok too, I want that so bad." I sniffled as a few tears fell.

"You can be ok, but you can't use unhealthy coping mechanisms and expect to be ok." My bottom lip trembled and I nodded. "I'm going to help you as much as I can, ok?" I nodded and let out a sigh of relief as she pulled me into a hug.

"Thank you so much."

"You're welcome bella." She ran her fingers through my hair, kissing the top of my head. "I want to be here for you."

"I need that."

"Yeah?" She gently massaged my scalp.

"I'm sorry for not asking you for help earlier."

"Y/n. Do not apologize." I nodded into her neck, hugging her tighter, so glad that I would be able to hug her as much as I want, that I didn't actually die. "I love you so much. I will be here for you every step of the way."

"I love you too."

The Lentil & The Blueberry (The Surprise, Part 2)

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, NSFW, sex, fingering, mention of vomiting (for my emetophobia babies), established relationship, fluffity fluff, worried Emily has my whole heart Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: Weeks six and seven of your pregnancy are underway, and you are struggling. But maybe not as much as your wife? Wildly overprotective Emily will do anything to help you feel better during your pregnancy. And I mean anything. 😉

Week 6: The Lentil

Emily had known about the baby for less than 12 hours, and she’d already gone into full Overprotective Dad™ mode. You’d slept in the morning after telling her, jerking awake to find Emily towering over you, watching with her eyebrows furrowed.

“Jesus, Emily!” you exclaimed, stretching. “You scared me!” You glanced at the clock. “Don’t you have to be at work?”

Emily continued staring, a look of deep concern on her face. “I really don’t want to leave you here like this.”

For a brief moment, you forgot you were pregnant. You scoffed. “I’ve had jet lag before, babe. I think I’ll be okay.”

“No! Pregnant.” She sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, absentmindedly running her hands through your hair as you moved to rest your head on her lap.

“I’m fine, Em,” you assured her. “I’m a little tired and sore, but that’s probably just from moving.”

“Maybe I should call and tell them I can’t make it in today…” She was speaking more to herself than to you.

Your voice was stern, decisive. “You can’t take off work for nine months just to sit around and watch me be pregnant. Even if you could, I’d rather you take the nine months after the baby’s born.”

She sighed deeply, looking down at you as if she was making the hardest decision of her life.

“You promise to call me if you need anything?” she asked.

“Promise.”

She gently placed your head back on the pillow, then knelt down in front of the bed so her eyes were level with yours.

“Please don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone,” she whispered. You could tell she was trying to lighten the mood, to make herself feel better about going to work, but she was too worried about you for it to sound anything other than terrified and pitiful.

“Like what?”

“Ladders, lifting things, falling in the shower...”

“Well, I wouldn’t fall in the shower on purpose,” you argued.

“Just…” She leaned forward and kissed you so gently, so softly, running her thumb slowly along your brow bone. “Be careful. Be safe.” She stood, then leaned down to kiss you on the head one more time.

“I love you,” she said, then lifted up your shirt to kiss your stomach. “And I love you.” She shot you one last desperate, anxious look before leaving.

“Promise you’ll call?”

“Go, Emily.” You shooed her out of the room, laughing. Who would’ve guessed that managing your wife might be the hardest part of being pregnant?

Week 7: The Blueberry (18+)

You leaned back into Emily as the warm water swirled around you, the sound of the jets and the movement of the water soothing your aching body. Morning sickness had started in full force, and your abs were sore from mornings spent heaving over the toilet. Your head was killing you most of the time, and you were constantly bloated. All in all, the first trimester was kicking your ass.

Emily kissed your shoulder, pressing her face next to yours and wrapping her arms around you to gently cup your breasts, mindful of the pain you’d been experiencing.

You sighed contentedly as she ran a thumb lightly over your swollen nipple.

“Better?” she asked.

“Mmhm,” you nodded, eyes closed. When Emily had called this afternoon to check on you, you’d told her how gross you felt from puking all morning, how sore your body was. She’d stopped at Bath & Body Works on the way home to buy every single kind of bath bomb they sold, just to be sure you’d have a fragrance that didn’t make you feel sick. She’d brought Epsom salts and fancy body butters and a new candle because the one you usually had in the bathroom smelled like coffee, and coffee triggered your gag reflex right now. She’d come determined to do whatever it took to help you feel better.

“And to think you said paying more for an apartment with a fancy jacuzzi bathroom was, and I quote, fucking dumb.”

“I take it all back,” you said, whining softly and involuntarily pushing your hips forward as Emily continued circling your nipples, her touch light as a feather.

“Honey,” Emily breathed behind you. “You can say no, but…” Her breath was hot against your ear. “Can I touch you?”

Your body wanted it, but your mind was struggling. “I don’t know, Em…”

Emily gently turned your body around so she could look in your eyes, her thumbs running back and forth along your hands. She leaned close, placing a hand gently on your cheek.

“It’s okay if you really don’t want to, but..” She watched you squirm a bit under the water. “It feels like you do. Can you tell me what’s going on in your head?”

You avoided her eyes, following a stream of bubbles as it made its way around the tub. “I don’t feel very pretty…” you mumbled, looking away.

“What?” she said, and you couldn’t tell if she hadn’t heard you or if she couldn’t believe what you’d said.

“I don’t feel very pretty. I feel gross.”

“Y/N.” Her voice was heavy with love and care and you felt a little like crying, not because you were sad, but because she loved you so much it was overwhelming in your current hormonal state.

Emily pulled you onto her lap and wrapped her arms around your body, pressing kisses into your face and neck. “You are so pretty. What are you talking about?”

“I’m pukey and bloated and my hair is greasy because I’m too tired to shower,” you confessed, resting your head on her shoulder. “I feel disgusting.”

“Baby,” she said, chastising you and gently guiding your face so you had to look at her. “You’re beautiful. You’re growing a whole human right now. You’re incredible. You have never been more beautiful to me.”

Almost unconsciously, you started to grind your hips into Emily’s, your breath coming fast, rhythmic. You sighed, wrapping your arms tightly around her neck.

Emily grinned. The words were working! She left a trail of kisses along your shoulder, placing her hands on your hips to guide you.

“You are stunning, Y/N. You’re growing eyes for our baby this week, did you know that?" She thought for a moment, morbid curiosity getting the better of her. "I wonder what it looks like in there…”

You stopped abruptly, as if a record had been scratched. “Not sexy, Emily. I don’t want you thinking about what the inside of my uterus looks like.”

“Sorry,” she replied sheepishly, an embarrassed smile playing on her lips. You pressed your hands to the side of her face and kissed her, your body hungry for hers for the first time since you’d returned from London. You couldn’t get enough of her, couldn’t get close enough.

“Emily,” you said breathlessly, pulling away to look at her. She was nearly as out of breath as you were–and significantly more flushed. “Touch me.”

“You’re sure?”

“Please.”

You whimpered as Emily’s thumb brushed over your clit, the warm water soft and comforting around you. She rubbed slow, indulgent circles, sensitive to your sensitivity, and your hips rose to meet her each time, even as exhausted as you were.

She kissed you deeply, passionately, her tongue desperate and gentle as it roamed your mouth, your neck. You moaned into her as she slipped two fingers inside of you, your body pulsing urgently around her. She kept her hand still for the most part, letting you control how hard, how fast, how deep.

As your breath grew ragged and your body clenched, surging against Emily’s, she moaned into your mouth, pressing into you. “Oh, god,” you breathed, Emily’s sounds nearly driving you over the edge.

“Come on, baby,” she begged, gasping. “Come for me.”

You drove your hips into Emily as your body convulsed, whimpering while your orgasm washed over you like a waterfall of static electricity. She fucked you through it, only removing her fingers when your breath started to calm and you fell against her, spent.

“Feel better?” she asked, kissing the side of your head, and pushing a string of wet hair out of your face.

You nodded, still too out of breath to speak.

You dragged yourself into a sitting position a few minutes later. “Here,” you said, clearly exhausted. “Let me do you.”

“It’s okay,” Emily told you, grinning.

“I can,” you insisted, pulling her toward you for a kiss.

“No, Y/N,” she said, laughing a bit as she pulled away. “I’m good. As in, I already came.”

“What!?” You giggled, blushing a bit. “Jesus Christ, Em! You were horny as fuck.”

She blushed and kissed you again, then poured some shampoo into her hand and grabbed your head playfully. You sighed happily as she massaged it into your scalp.

“I can’t help it,” she shrugged. “Look at you. Your boobs are fucking huge right now.”

“Well, don’t get used to it.”

Emily stared at you for a minute. Your soapy head. Your arms crossed defiantly over your chest. The slight pouch in your stomach that she knew would grow into her child. The way your eyes shone, holding so much love, so much purity of spirit and heart. What had she done to deserve you? She felt tears forming at the corners of her eyes, and she used her thumb to wipe them away.

“Are you crying?!” you asked, leaning forward to take her hand in yours.

“I just love you so much,” she said, her voice heavy with emotion.

“Oh, god,” you complained, sniffling yourself. You had a hair trigger for crying these days. “If you cry I’m gonna cry.”

She exhaled firmly. “I’m pulling it together, don’t worry.”

“I love you, too,” you said quickly before dunking your head under the water to get rid of the suds. And because if you thought about it too much, you'd start sobbing and god knows when you'd stop.

You popped back up, flipping your hair over so you looked like a founding father. Emily laughed, and all was right in the world.

Coming Out

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: some explicit language, mention of an unsub hurting Emily 😱, vague insinuations of homophobia, mostly fluff on fluff, feat. loyal himbo Derek Morgan Word Count: 2k

Summary: Emily gets injured on the job, and all she really wants is you, her girlfriend. But she's not out to the rest of the team yet. Can she be vulnerable enough to share that part of herself with the team? Can she be vulnerable enough to let you take care of her? Takes place at the end of S3.E2.

Emily dabbed at her head and winced, checking her watch to see if it had been long enough to take more pain medication. But despite getting clocked with a plank of wood, she was glad to be on the jet, glad to be back with her team because they really were starting to feel like her team. Who was she kidding? She loved her job.

According to the pilot, the team would be landing at Quantico in a little over an hour. Emily grabbed her phone, discreetly shoving it into her pocket, before heading to the back of the plane. She needed to call you, but the rest of the team didn't know about you yet. Hell, the rest of the team didn't even know she was gay. It felt too personal, and she'd been hurt by people's reactions–people she loved and trusted deeply–too many times. She played her relationships and her sexuality close to the vest.

Reid tapped Emily's arm as she passed by.

"Oh! Are you going all the way to the back?"

Emily tensed. "Yep."

"Could you bring me a Sprite?"

She felt her shoulders relax, and she patted Reid on the arm. "Sure."

After knocking on the bathroom door to make sure that truly no one was around, she called you, her voice hushed as she rifled through tiny airplane soda cans, looking for Reid's Sprite.

"Hey, Em," you said, your voice bright.

"Hey," she said, a goofy smile spreading across her face. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing much. Saw a street rat earlier. I named him Guillermo. I think he's on the prowl for a girlfriend."

Emily laughed, covering her mouth.

"How was Milwaukee?" you asked.

"Good. Really good. We got the guy. We're on the plane now."

She could nearly hear how smug you were through the phone.

"You're glad you went back," you snickered, relishing in being right. She'd sworn that it wasn't a big deal, that it'd be easy to get another good job, but you knew her heart was with the BAU.

Emily sighed. "I am. You were right."

"You're gonna stay?"

"Looks that way."

"I knew it!" you crowed. "I'm glad. You're too good at your job to quit it."

"Thanks, love. Listen, Y/N, can I ask you a favor?"

"Of course! Anything."

Emily winced, touching the swollen bump on her head. "We land in about an hour. Can you pick me up and stay at my place tonight?"

"Wow." You drew out the vowel, milking the fact that Emily needed you for once. "You missed me that much, huh?"

"Well, yes, of course, but... I, uh... I kind of have a concussion?"

Your tone shifted immediately from smug to concerned. "What?! Why?! What happened!?"

"Unsub hit me with a plank of wood," she admitted reluctantly.

"Jesus Christ, Em! Are you okay!?"

"I'm fine, baby, I promise," she reassured you. "I just got a little banged up, that's all. But I'll need you to wake me up every few hours and make sure I'm cognizant."

"I think I have some soup in the freezer," you observed, your voice far away. You'd put her on speakerphone to rifle through the cabinets. "And I have a thermometer. I don't know, do concussions cause fevers? I've never had one."

Emily shook her head, smiling. She loved that your first response, always, was to take care of her. Emily was not used to being taken care of, and she didn't let many people do it. She certainly wouldn't let many people see it either. But she let you.

"No thermometers needed. Just you and your car and more you when we get home."

"You got it. When did you say you land?"

"In about an hour."

"Okay. I'll leave in a few."

"Oh," Emily added quickly. "And you're cleared to drive into Quantico. They know the car you drive and they've got your ID on file. Just show it to them at the gate."

You paused. "Well, that's a little Big Brother of them."

"I gave it to them a few months ago. Just in case you ever needed to come by. Sorry, I should've told you."

"It's okay," you decided, pulling on a jacket and a beanie. "It feels kind of badass to be on Quantico's list."

Emily laughed, almost excited to have a concussion because it meant you'd be snuggled right up to next to her for however long it took to get better. 48 hours at least.

"Alright, baby," she finished, Reid's Sprite in hand. "I'll see you in a bit."

"Bye, love."

Emily wiped the grin off her face before returning to the cabin with Reid's Sprite–it'd look suspicious if she was too happy coming back.

An hour later, the team was going their separate ways in the parking lot, waving goodbyes and slamming car doors under the buzzing lights.

Emily leaned on the wall outside the building entrance, relishing the crisp night air.

"You need a ride, Prentiss?" Morgan asked as he walked out, used go-bag slung over his shoulder. "You shouldn't be driving" He pointed to her head.

"No, that's okay," Emily waved him off. "I've got– uh... someone's... picking me up."

Fuck, she thought. The concussion was not helping her ability to lie well.

Morgan stared at her suspiciously.

"What?" Emily laughed, trying to act normal.

"Why are you acting shifty?"

"I'm not!" she protested.

Morgan smirked and waggled his eyebrows. "Do you have a secret boyfriend?"

"What?" Emily said, laughing a little too forcefully. "No!"

He crossed his arms and waited. "You're seriously not gonna tell me?"

Emily leaned against the brick wall, rubbing her forehead. On the one hand, she was tired of keeping you–and herself–a secret. And if anyone was going to be supportive of someone on the team getting laid, it would be Morgan. But on the other, did she really know that much about him? She didn't know his religious background. Sure, he'd defend a gay victim, but that was his job. This was personal.

Emily sighed before replying. "I have... I have a secret girlfriend."

The silence felt like it lasted hours, stretching between them until Emily was sure the chasm would never close again, and that with just a few words, just by being herself, she'd ruined any chance of a friendship with Derek Morgan. It wouldn't be the first time. It probably wouldn't be the last.

Morgan seemed to think deeply before leaning against the wall next to Emily, turning to look her in the eye.

"Prentiss, why didn't you tell us you were gay?"

Emily was afraid to look at him, but when she did, her heart soared. He looked at her with nothing but love and respect and appreciation, no hint of hatred or disgust. If anything, he looked sad that she'd waited so long to tell him.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I don't always get a good reaction."

"Well, you know nobody on this team would have a problem with that, right? Hell, Garcia'd probably hang pride flags everywhere."

"I know," Emily nodded. "I just... I don't think I'm ready yet. For everyone to know. Soon, though."

Morgan nodded, then thought for a few minutes before asking, "Is it serious?"

Emily chuckled. "Being gay? Yeah, I'd say so."

Morgan shoved her shoulder gently, mindful of the day's injuries. "No! The girl! How long have you been seeing her?"

"A little over six months."

"So, it's serious."

Emily grinned. She was glad to have someone to talk to about this. She'd held it so close for so long. She wasn't used to having anyone to tell about you. Maybe Morgan could be that person.

"Promise not to tell the others?"

Morgan put his hand over his heart. "Promise."

"I'd marry her tomorrow if she'd let me."

"Wow." Morgan raised his eyebrows, smiling lightly. "Prentiss is in love," he said, teasing her.

Emily fought a wide smile, but lost in the end. "Oh, shut up. And don't tell anyone. Especially her."

"Your secret's safe with me," Morgan reassured her. And she could tell he meant it. Emily trusted him, she realized. She trusted him to be a good friend, to keep her secrets. She trusted him not to out her to the rest of the team. He'd let her go at her own pace when it came to telling the others.

"She better be amazing," Morgan added. "I don't know how anyone could be good enough for you."

Just at that moment, a pair of headlights crept slowly into the parking lot, hesitant and unsure. It had to be you. Emily stepped forward and waved a bit, then turned to Morgan.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow?" she said.

"Not with that head, you won't," Morgan observed.

You put the car in park next to the curb and leapt out of the driver's seat, hurrying over to Emily.

"Oh my god!" you exclaimed, anger and concern washing over you. "I thought you you said you were fine!"

You gingerly touched Emily's face and pulled her head down to examine the butterfly bandage above her eyebrow.

"Look at this," you grumbled, more to yourself than anyone else. "It's already bruising." You glared at the butterfly bandage. "Did a doctor do this or you? If it was you, I think we should clean it with rubbing alcohol at home."

Morgan looked absolutely delighted, both because you seemed like a delightful person and because Emily was beet red at being observed with you.

"Y/N, I'm fine," Emily said firmly, grasping your fingers in hers and removing them from her face. "This is my colleague Derek Morgan. Morgan, my girlfriend, Y/N."

You looked Morgan over and immediately decided you liked him. Mostly because you could tell that he really cared about Emily. But also because he looked mischievous, like he'd tease her. And if there was anything you loved, it was teasing Emily. You shook his hand enthusiastically. "It's really nice to meet you," you said. And you meant it.

But you didn't have time to chat with Morgan tonight. You were too worried about Emily.

"You don't look fine," you argued, looking to Morgan for backup. "Does she look fine to you?"

Morgan grinned at Emily, raising his eyebrows. "She definitely looks like she could use some TLC."

"Oh, and she'll get it alright," you assured him, opening the passenger door for Emily. "Shall we?"

Emily bent gingerly to get into the car, and you were careful to guard her head from the ceiling.

"Derek, it was really nice to meet you," you said, shaking his hand one more time for good measure as Emily rolled down the window, staring bullets at Morgan.

"You too, Y/N," he said, looking over your shoulder at Emily. "I hope you all have a very marry evening."

Emily pointed at him aggressively behind your back, mouthing, "SHUT. UP."

"See you, Prentiss," he called as you pulled away. He laughed and called out, "I hope it's a real honeymoon from work!"

Emily's hand shot out the window, flipping him off.

Later that night, your alarm buzzed and you blinked awake. You forgot for a moment that you were at Emily's, but her strong arms wrapped protectively around your waist were enough to remind you where you were.

You turned slowly to face a sleeping Emily, brushing her hair out of her face.

"Em. Hey. You gotta wake up, honey."

She groaned, placing a hand on her head.

"Sorry," you grimaced. "Gotta make sure your brain's alright."

"My brain is fine," she growled.

"Oh, yeah?" you joked, checking the time before shaking a few pills into your hand from the pill bottle on the nightstand. "Who am I, then?"

"The love of my life, Whitney Houston."

You laughed, which made Emily laugh, too. But she quickly doubled over in pain, groaning.

"Here, take these," you said gently, handing her the pills and a glass of water. "It'll help."

She took the pills obediently and lay back down.

"You know," you said, pulling up the blankets to make sure they covered Emily's shoulders. "I may not be Whitney Houston..." You wrapped your arms around her and drew her to you, and she burrowed her head into the space between your neck and your collarbone.

"But I think I'm a close second," you finished, running your fingers rhythmically through Emily's hair.

She sighed contentedly, pressing into you, then moving one of your arms to wrap it more tightly around her.

"Why are you so good to me?" she asked, quiet. You couldn't quite tell if it was a joke or serious, but you'd reply the same either way.

"Because I love you, you nerd."

She leaned up, planting a kiss underneath your chin. "I love you, too."

Within minutes she was conked out again, and you were setting another alarm, ready to do it all over again in a few hours.

Right Here With You

pairing: carina deluca x fem reader

category: hurt/comfort

warnings: depression

word count: 780

summary: you're having a bad day and can't get out of bed so carina comforts you, reassuring you she's there for you

translations: bambina-baby girl, bella-beautiful, mia amata-my love, tesoro-darling, ti amo di più-i love you more

I woke up with an overwhelming weight on my chest. I felt like I couldn't move. "Bambina! You're gonna be late!" I heard my beautiful girlfriend call from the kitchen. I didn't respond, I didn't have the energy, it didn't feel physically possible. "Hey." She barged into the bedroom. "Bella? What's wrong?" Again, I didn't answer. "Hey." Her voice immediately softened once she relished what was going on. "I'm gonna call in sick for you, ok?" She sat down next to me and I just gave her a small nod.

Ten minutes later she was back on the bed, her hand on my shoulder as her thumb softly caressed it. "You ok?"

"Mm."

"So no." She rubbed her hand up and down my arm. "Bambina...what do you need right now?"

"You." I couldn't say anything else, it was too much.

"What do you need from me?" I tensed up, it was too much. It was too much thinking. I couldn't do it right now I just needed her, anything. "It's ok." She moved her hand slowly until it was resting in mine, she laced our fingers together. "I'm gonna hold you." She kissed my temple.

"Hm." I hummed, wanting to tell her how I'm feeling but not being able to get the words out.

"Shh. It's alright bella, I've got you now." My body shook with a silent sob. "I've got you. Let it all out."

"I don't...I can't." I sobbed.

"Shh." She kissed my shoulder gently, rubbing my hand with her thumb. "Just let it out now, yeah? You can talk later." I nodded, squeezing her hand as tight as I could, feeling the hot tears flow down my face.

Ten minutes later I had stopped crying and I had turned around in her arms so that my face could be buried in her chest. "Ready to talk about it now?"

"Mhm."

"What's wrong mia amata?"

"Felt...my chest was heavy." I sniffled, snuggling into her more.

"Anxiety?" I shook my head.

"Just sad."

"Ah. I get it." She brought her hand to the back of my head, gently massaging my scalp to calm me down.

"I can't...don't feel like I can do anything today, you know? I don't feel good...don't feel good at all and I just need..."

"Comfort?"

"Mhm."

"Well I can give you that bella."

"I don't understand how you do it."

"Do what?"

"You're so strong. I almost never see you cry. It's like...you cry once a month." I sniffled again. "And you're always able to get out of bed."

"Well we all handle things differently. I definitely cry more than once a month. Probably around 4 times."

"Oh."

"It's ok to have days where you just need to stay in bed bambina. There's nothing wrong with that."

"The world can't stop just because I'm depressed." I could feel her heart sink against my body.

"Anyone who expects you to be functioning at 100% all the time-"

"Carina."

"What is it mia amata?"

"I don't know...I don't think I can feel like this all the time."

"You don't have to."

"But it's been going on so long- I can't do it anymore I don't think I can do it anymore Carina."

"Bambina? Can you take a deep breath for me?" She waited for me to breathe. "That's good. Now listen to me. This isn't going to last forever. You're not going to feel like this forever."

"But what if it does."

"It won't. I promise you."

"How can you promise that?" She sighed.

"Y/n...bella your happiness didn't last forever, correct? So how can you expect this to? Nothing lasts forever. I know it seems longer because it's not enjoyable but it won't be like this all the time." I clutched the back of her shirt, wanting her closer. "I promise you bambina."

"But I'm tired of it."

"I know." She went back to stroking my hair and rubbing my back in circles, knowing how much it soothed me. "But I'll be here with you every step of the way."

"You will?"

"Of course I will tesoro. You're my love. Why would I abandon you when you're feeling like this?" I shrugged and tilted my head up so she could give me a forehead kiss.

"I don't want to drag you down." I mumbled.

"You're not going to."

"But-"

"No more 'buts' bambina. I want to help you, I need you to realize that, ok? I'm not going to leave you, I'm going to be right here with you every step of the way." I nodded, holding her tighter.

"Just don't let go of me, ok?"

"I won't. I promise."

"I love you."

"Ti amo di più."