I Am Not Okay- AT ALL I UGLY CRIED

I am not okay- AT ALL😭😭😭😭 I UGLY CRIED😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔

@pearbunny @kaciidubs @anyhow-everything @moonjxsung @leeluvschannie @its-hannjisung

(Ignore if u do not like these kind of stories)

strawberry blond.

part of the “now playing: mitski!” series

Jisung had been avoiding the truth for the past six months, but now, it’s time to face the storm. even if it hurts.

angst. and I mean it. (still, hope you enjoy it!) TW: mentions of death and one's struggles to accept it. WC: 2.1k

[☆★🌌★☆]

Han Jisung loved many things, but one of his favourites was to lay down on the grass near Han River after a concert.

He could still hear the echo of the cheering and clapping on stage, his ears buzzing in a high-pitched sound that felt almost nostalgic despite it not having been too long since the show had ended.

A small smile lingered on his features as the night breeze grazed him tenderly, eyes focused on the sky full of stars above, hands playing with the strands of grass in between his fingers, pulling at it, playing with it on his hands, tugging the petals of the small dandelions near.

He had always cherished the night after a show or a concert. And it had always been with you, lying down near the river, either sighting softly at the breeze or laughing under the rain.

He turned his head, blinking slowly, staring at the empty space at his side, and his heart skipped a beat, leaving him breathless for an instant.

Your smile beamed, and so did his, but shyly, as if he was afraid of being happy. With a soft grunt, you got up, almost giddily as you pranced around on the grass, barefoot, tugging at his sleeve and softly kicking his legs so he’d get up too, giggling sheepishly.

“C’mon, Hannie!” You shined.

He sighed, ignoring the hand you offered at him, almost as if it wasn’t there, tangible, before him, and instead pushed himself up by his knees.

You snickered, quickly putting your shoes back on and childishly hopped around him, both heading back to the car.

He stared at you, at your strawberry blond hair that reached the small on your back, the silhouette of the tall buildings that surrounded the area getting blurry in his eyes while your figure took over his gaze.

You faltered, turning around.

“I love this river.”

And I love you.

But he didn’t say it out loud. Instead, he stared at you as you smiled, breathing in, arms outstretched, as if yearning that the breeze would take you with her.

He sighed, again, but it was even more melancholic. Broken. As grey as the clouds that started to cover the sky above, and as grey as the river flowed, not able to reflect the light the stars and moon shined, turning dark.

You frowned. “What’s wrong?” Your eyes softened at him, getting closer. “Why are you crying, Hannie?”

A tearful snicker left his lips. His knuckles threatened to graze your cheeks, your features soft to the eye, but he retracted his hand, shaking his head slightly and grinning at you.

“It’s ok.” He sniffed, heart-shaped smile softly fading away. “I got something in my eye.”

You both got in the car, and he stared at the empty place beside him, eyes in a shy shade of red, holding his tears back.

He heard you giggle when you opened the window, taking your hand out and playing with the wind in your hands, childishly fascinated at the resistance of your palm and the speed of the car, not too fast but enough that the breeze felt much stronger.

The tips of your long strawberry blond hair also were out, flowing rapidly to the air as he stared at the asphalt roadway, fighting the impulse to hold your free hand that rested on your thigh.

But he kept driving, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. Driving somewhere he didn’t really want to go. With someone who wasn’t really there.

His heart skipped a beat. Emotional. The happy, nervous feeling that lingered when your body was close to him came back, the feeling that shivered in his body whenever the cute nickname you called him rolled off your tongue. But it ached.

He parked not too long after, and he got out of the car, grinning softly as you played with the dents in the pathway, hopping and skipping around in cutesy, childish giggles.

“Wait!” You whispered-yelled all of a sudden.

And his body stopped in his tracks, almost reluctantly, as if fighting a treacherous battle between his heart and his brain, his stare finally turning to face you fondly, yet his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Can you hear it?”

Your tone was soft, tender, so much that Jisung could almost feel it surround him lovingly, a deep, sweet voice resonated with warmth, like rich honey pouring slowly, a comforting and soothing melody that wrapped around him, a blanket in a cold winter.

The soft buzz of a small, hardworking little bee surprised him, his face displaying raw emotion, a stray tear slowly falling rolling down his cheek.

He was afraid of bugs. But he loved you. And because of it, he had learned to love those fuzzy little bees, who’s buzzing sound you cherished deeply.

The small bee lingered around the two of you, and gently pranced to the small plants and flowers on the side of the street.

“Oh, look! Forget-me-nots!” Your smile shined as you bent down to get a closer look at the small bluish flowers. “It means remembrance, but also true love and devotion,” you muttered happily. “It’s my favourite flower.”

His heart ached as he bent down next to you and picked a small branch, keeping it close to him, twirling it nervously in his hand as you both wandered, walking down the empty street.

“Hannie?” Your voice pondered. “You haven’t said anything in a while.” He smiled softly at your statement, nodding.

He froze in front of a large metal door, its paint thin and torn into small pieces that remained on the floor, the dents left from it falling, now rusty.

“Hannie?” Your voice faltered.

He tried to smile.

“I haven’t been too cheerful tonight, haven’t I?”

His eyes couldn’t hold yours for long, silent tears rolling down his cheeks.

He held your hands in a sudden motion, and his touch crashed through your body like a storm.

Jisung gasped, his cries growing in intensity. “It’s… it’s been… what, six months?” He let out a gentle laugh, yet it was painful to hear. “Six months since… you’ve been gone.”

Your eyes widened, as if you remembered everything all of a sudden.

“I…” he nodded, his hands roaming through your face, his thumbs stroking your cheeks, your body feeling weak by his touch. “The… accident…”

He cried, hugging your now translucent body.

“I m-miss you s-so much.” He trembled, hugging you tightly despite how cold your body felt. “I… I wanted to do so much with you. I… I love-”

“No! D-don’t say it.”

You cradled his face in your hands.

“I… I’ll wait for you. Up there. Next to the stars. Don’t even dare rush to me. I have all my life. Or. Well, you. Y-you have all your life in front of you.” You cried, yet you still were smiling at him. Broken.

He bit his lip. Hard. God, this wasn’t fair. He wanted to scream it to you. To put into words how his heart was beating for you, for the memories of you he held so dearly, and to fail miserably, because no words could ever do justice to what he was feeling. To whisper to the whole world how he loved you.

But he couldn’t whisper anything, because his whole world wasn’t right before him, but six feet under, behind that metal door fence he hadn’t dared to cross.

In the fading twilight, beneath a blur of somber clouds that mirrored the heaviness in his heart, Jisung stayed put, staring at you, someone who wasn't actually there, in front of the cemetery, as if at the crossroads of farewell. The air, thick with unspoken words hung between you like a shroud.

Han traced the outline of your face with trembling fingertips, as if committing each pore in your skin to memory, etching the details of her existence onto his soul, heart, or mind. His eyes, once vibrant with shared laughter and secret glances, now reflected the inevitable sorrow of parting.

In the end, he had to accept it, right?

A silent understanding passed between you, an acknowledgment that this kiss held the weight of a thousand unspoken goodbyes.

As your lips met, the taste of salt lingered—a mix of tears, both shed and unshed. The kiss carried the bittersweet essence of nostalgia, a blend of the moments you had shared and the ones that would forever remain unfulfilled wishes of sorrowed hearts. It was a dance of desperation and tenderness, an attempt to catch a universe of emotions in a touch.

The world seemed to slow as you clung to each other, as if time itself was reluctant to let go, apologizing for separating those in love.

But an apology wouldn't bring you back, would it?

As he reluctantly pulled away, your eyes locked for an eternity, each gaze a silent plea to remember. He clenched the flowers in his hand. He would remember. He wouldn't—couldn't—forget. The space where his hands once found solace in the warmth of your own grasp now laid vacant, a stark reminder of the impending truth that hurt to accept.

The echo of that parting kiss lingered in the air, a taste of salt on their lips, a bitter reminder that sometimes, love is not enough to defy the cruel hands of fate.

And just as mysteriously as you had appeared in front of him, staying close to him since you had died, he hugged you for what felt like the first time in months, yet the hint of your warmth disappeared, just like your figure in his eyes.

Now, you weren’t there.

Now, your death was real.

And he froze, looking around in that tombstone filled garden.

Until he found it.

“Look at you, Miss Strawberry Blond.” He muttered. He felt his eyes itch as he cried.

He wanted to laugh, to smile for you, using that silly colour you chanted when he called your redhead, just to pick on you, but he started to hiccup, crying to his heart's content and even more as he stared up to the stars, just to find the moon beaming right above.

His heart skipped a beat again.

You were gone.

“N-no… wait…”

But your memory would—will—always stay.

“No… please…”

He clung to the recently-carved stone, sitting on his knees, a crying mess.

Jisung didn’t want any memories back. He didn’t care at all about anything he had lived with you if he couldn’t spend another day with you.

He wanted you back.

“Hannie.”

He stopped breathing.

“Hannie, you need to stop.”

Your voice sounded in his head, almost like a chant in his ears, as if you were talking to him from really far away.

He stared at your name in the tombstone, shaking his head.

How could he stop?

His sadness bubbled inside of him, turning mad.

“Why are you here?” He muttered, tone filled with something that didn’t feel like him.

He sounded destroyed, eyes heavy with grief, shoulders slumped as uncontrollable sobs racked his body, his attempts to speak choked by the overwhelming feelings consuming him.

But your voice couldn’t answer or help.

“You know what?” He sniffed, frowning. “I need to say it. I fucking love you.” The silence that followed almost froze his heart, because now he could say it, but there was no one to say it back.

Still, he continued with a hiccup. “I love you so fucking much I can’t grasp that you’re gone— hell, I’ve been hallucinating about you for months because it’s so fucking painful to face that you’re not here. And I could never even say it. I could never even say how much I’ve loved you and how I’ll keep loving you even now, and it’s n-not—.”

And suddenly, amidst the confession, he felt like instead of breathing heavily, Jisung ran out of air. As if he had been hit without warnings of any kind.

His throat blocked and his chest hurt, and it was as if something had grabbed his heart, until it felt heavy, and an overwhelming feeling ran through him from head to toe as he whimpered and cried. It was a similar feeling to fear, only that it seemed that Han’s heart had been filled with stones, now heavy, confused by emotion. Feeling like it was going to escape and burst out of his chest.

And for a moment, Jisung thought he was going to die. That whatever this was was going to kill him.

“W-why ca-an’t you le-eave?” He cried, ugly, deeply, choking in between sobs as his head started hurting.

“God, H-hannie..”

But he couldn’t hear you anymore.

“It… it hu-urts t-too mu-ch…”

You stared at him from above, tears falling down as he tightly gripped his chest.

“Ple-eas-se…” he whispered “…m-ma-ake it s-sto-op…”

He felt droplets of rain starting to fall down on him.

“J-just… g-get o-ut of my-y head…”

Unlike the one he felt under your touch, a real storm was approaching.

And no one was going to hold an umbrella over his head.

~kats, who is trying really hard not to cry because she has homework to do and she can't read past her tears.

P.S: TYSM TO MY ABSOLUTE STUNNING GORGEOUS BABIES AND LIKE GOD I COULD MAKE THEM A STATUE @binsito @hiddlestandom @evermourning and @ire67 TY FOR PROOF READING THIS AND HELPING ME OUT I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU GUYS TYSSSM<3333!!!!!

i read a fic earlier today it was absolutely heartbreaking but still beautiful can i tag you in it?

Thank you for thinking of me but please don't. I don't read sad/angsty fics :(

This is Amazing, thanks for tagging me💞💞

No thoughts only building snowmen with felix and then him getting grumpy bc yours looks cuter

Do you Wanna Build a Snowman?

"Lixie come on! You're going to catch a cold" you said as you rounded the corner in your new home.

"It'll all melt away! Hurry" Felix sounded like a little child worried about his double chocolate cookie crunch extreme scoop of ice cream.

Who could blame him though? Felix couldn't remember the last time he had seen snow. You mentioned how badly the streets would thick over with ice and be packed with white as far as the eye could see. To Felix, this could never be a bad thing. How could it be?

You ran through a mental checklist, ensuring you were both ready for the cold about to hit you. Sure, you were used to it by now but somedays the winter bites back. Felix on the other hand was ready to run out blind to his death, the Aussie would never survive without you.

Thick socks? Check.

Warm boots? Check.

Pants with leggings underneath? Double-check

Long sleeves? Check

Coats? Check and a matching check as Felix insisted you two had to have a matching set.

Gloves? Check much to Felix's complaining 

And finally, a hat to keep your head warm? Check!

When you opened the front door, Felix dashed out with excitement. You couldn’t help but laugh a bit at the pure joy on his face. He found the thickest pile of snow in the middle of your yard, where your garden used to be, and fell to his knees. You should have guessed the gloves would have been long forgotten by now as he feels the snow melt on his bare skin. There was no way to sneak up beside him as the unmistaken crunch of packed snow sounded from under your feet. You crouched next to him and took in all his beauty. It was his first life, wasn’t it?

“Lixie baby?” You asked softly, not wanting to disturb his fun. All you got back was a simple hum to acknowledge he was listening. “Do you want to build a snowman?” You thought he was about to die from how quickly he lit up.

“Yes! We could make a cute snow couple!” His mind went running with ideas.

“Pixie, have you ever built a snowman?”

“No but how hard could it be? Animal crossing taught me everything I need to know.”

Oh how wrong he was. Felix quickly realized he had put too much confidence in his ability to build a snow person. It wasn’t meant to be a competition but he decided himself to make it one. Then he looked over at yours, almost finished while he was barely started. 

Yours was perfectly round and white.

His was lumpy and had random mud stains all over.

Yours was perfectly proportional.

His head always ended up being bigger than the middle.

Yours had arms specifically grown by Mother Nature herself.

His looked as if a dog dragged them in.

Even the face on your snowman looked perfect! Brown buttons you stole out of the craft drawer, a little carrot nose from the fridge, little pebbles curved up into the biggest smile. You even broke off tiny flakes of bark to make the freckles on your snowman! 

Wait…freckles…on a snowman? Brown buttons, a big smile, a blue scarf, a matching hat, Felix’s missing gloves, and freckles.

“Y/n!” He didn’t know what to say so he decided to scream your name to get your attention. However, that backfired miserably as you fell straight on your butt onto the cold ground.

“Felix!” You yelled back. He ran as fast as he could to save you.

“I’m sorry…I just..your snowman…he is…” 

“He is you!” Felix swore the smile you shared could have cleared the skies. “Do you like him?”

“I LOVE HIM!!!” He got up close and personal to inspect every little detail. “How?”

“I’ve had some practice” He fell for your giggle every time.

“Mine looks so…sad” Just then the oversized head rolled off and smashed into pieces.

“Maybe I can help you? I bet we could make him a real find!” Felix liked this idea much more than the competition he was participating in.

“Gotta make Snowlix the perfect man!” Felix stated as if it was an indisputable fact.

“So snowbin, got it”

The Sweetest Batch: @goblinracha @kaciidubs @channieandhisgoonsquad @comet-falls @ddyskz @jiminskies @j-onedrabbles @lixiesweetbrownie @marrivmel @caitlyn98s

I'm fine, I swear🥲👊 I totally did not have a breajdown and I totally did not cry my eyes out. I'M FINE-😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭This is super good, and super sad😭

Calling my loves to read(be prepared yall😭): @kaciidubs @anyhow-everything @pearbunny @hyunniesgirl @sweetracha @weareapackofstrays @its-hannjisung @moonjxsung

sing for you. astronaut!hyunjin x reader ft. kkami. angst.

“hello, 119, how may I assist you?”

“hi, this is apollo 4419,” astronaut!hyunjin replied, feeling relieved that the spaceship was finally able to get in contact with someone. “is this NASA?”

“unfortunately no, this is the seoul emergency department. We’re having satellite issues and all the calls are getting mixed up. Where are you calling from?” the lady asked in concern

“from space,” hyunjin chuckles. “yeah i’m not surprised,” hyunjin knew the exact reasons the chaos. “things aren’t looking good from up here either.”

“would you like me to put down the call so you can contact NASA?“

“no!” hyunjin half-shouted in fear. “i mean, no, please. just stay on the line,” hyunjin begged not wanting to risk anything.

hyunjin was the only one left on his spaceship as the rest of his crew have unfortunately been affected by spaceship’s defect. he was desperate and did not want to die alone.

“yes, sir,” the lady replied as calmly as possible despite the chaos going on at the department. “is there anything i can help you with?”

“not unless you can fix the spaceship from down there,” hyunjin chuckles as he hears the chaos in the background.

this immediately hinted the lady that there was something wrong with the spaceship and felt her heart broke. “i’m so sorry sir.”

hyunjin sighed softly before requesting a favour, “actually, could you help me with one last thing?”

“anything sir, the lady replied, feeling a little relieve that she was able to fulfil hyunjin’s wishes.

as y/n was ideally resting on the couch with kkami on her lap, the mobile phone of her shared apartment with hyunjin rang.

y/n groans at the sound, and gently sets kkami down on the floor and headed for the phone.

“hello?” y/n answered trying not to sound as awkward as possible.

“hello maam, i am calling from the seoul emergency department. i have someone on the line for you,” the lady inform y/n before connecting it to hyunjin’s line.

“hey darling,” hyunjin greeted the love of his life with a gentle smile on his face, feeling relieved even though he couldn’t see her face.

“h-hyunjin!? are you calling from space?” y/n asked in surprised. she was so happy to hear his voice after not hearing it for weeks. “oh my god! how is the view from up there? did you find any aliens!?”

hyunjin chuckled at her questions. he was glad that she was still her cheerful self. “no aliens yet, and the view isn’t very pretty,” hyunjin responded honestly, but did not want y/n to know how bad the situation was. “cause you’re not here.”

“eww, you’re chessy,” y/n fake cringed and laughed at his words. “i miss you.”

“i miss you too, darling.” hyunjin chuckled at y/n’s voice as he could picture her face. “listen, y/n, i don’t have much time-“

“what? what do you mean?” y/n asked in confusion, not entirely getting the hint.

“do you remember the time we went stargazing and i told you that your eyes had all the stars in it?”

“yeah, it was very sweet, but also really cringing,” y/n chuckled.

“well, they still do,” hyunjin teased a little. “you need to put them back in space.” this

made y/n playfully roll her eyes and giggle. “and remember the time we talked about everything and anything?”

“yeah, you still remember?”

“i never forgot about it,” hyunjin answered. “how about the the password to my laptop and our safe? still remember that?”

“of course,” y/n responded confidently yet confused. “why are you asking me that?”

“login into my laptop later and open the folder with your name on it, okay?” hyunjin avoided y/n’s question. “everything you need will be in the folder. the safe has the rest of the items you’ll need, and-”

“hyunjin,” y/n stopped him as she started sensing the unstable breathing coming from him and the sudden talk about his laptop and safe. “what’s going on?”

hyunjin sighs in defeat. “well, my time in space got extended to a much longer time. longer than everyone expected.”

y/n felt her heart sank at hyunjin’s words, finally catching on to what was going on. “are you alone?” y/n asked as she was worried for rest of his crew, who are also close friends of theirs.

“yeah,” hyunjin replied sadly.

“oh,” y/n’s voice crew soft. “so, all of you are going to be up there for a long time?”

hyunjin forced a smile before responding. “yeah.”

a tear fell from y/n’s eyes as very short silence was filled.

“go do “everything and anything” we talked about that night, okay? bring your best friends and kkami along. i know you don’t like going out alone. make sure you take care of yourself and kkami. don’t worry about the place and all that. just open the folder later, okay? um, don’t forget to always drink water! if you miss me, just look up at the sky and i’ll be waving right back at you from up here-“

“hyunjin...” y/n fell onto her knees, feeling extremely devastated. kkami immediately came towards her and rested his head on her knees. “please- i just- i just- hyunjin,” tears started falling down non-stop.

“y/n, my darling, i love you so much. your smile, hugs, kisses. everything. i love everything about you. more than words can explain. you make me the happiest man in the universe and i am so thankful to have met you. it was always you and will always be you.”

y/n reached the point where she was speechless and her silent cries did not go unnoticed by kkami, who started wailing. hyunjin’s heart broke as he heard kkami’s wailing and guessed that y/n was crying as kkami only did so when y/n was upset.

“my darling, my love, don’t cry, okay? your future is still so bright and you’ll walk on the most flowery path. stay strong for me, okay?”

“okay,” y/n whispered loud enough for hyunjin to hear.

“good girl,” hyunjin praised. “can you do one thing for me?” hyunjin asked, knowing that he his time will be up soon.

“anything,” y/n responded.

“can you sing for me?”

“sing?”

“y-yeah,” hyunjin chuckled. “i know i usually sing for you, but i really love your voice. especially when you sing. can you sing one song for me? please?”

“what song do you want?” y/n asked, not wanting to disappoint hyunjin.

“anything,” hyunjin replied, eager to listen.

without another thought, y/n immediately sang their favourite song.

fly me to the moon, and let me play, among the star

it wasn’t as nice as y/n usually sang because of how devastated she was. but for hyunjin, it was more than enough.

let me see what spring is like on, Jupiter and Mars. in other words, hold my hand...in other words, darling kiss me.

hyunjin smiled at y/n voice as he slowly let go of the handle that prevented him from floating aways

feel my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore. you are all i long for, all i worship and adore. in other words, please be true...in other words, i love you.

hyunjin’s eyes slowly closed to y/n’s humming as he pictured the time when y/n first sang this song for him and he felt like he fell in love with her all over again.

feel my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore. you are all i long for, all i worship and adore. in other words, please be true...in other words...in other words...in other words, hwang hyunjin, i love you.

although y/n could no longer hear him because he was not close to the speaker, hyunjin softly whispered “i love you too, y/f/n, always.” before taking his last breath.

the lady who listened to the entire conversation tried her best to comfort y/n, who began to have a full breakdown when she no longer heard hyunjin’s voice.

Hi, love! Just wanted to see how you were doing?

HIII🥰 I'm doing great! What about you??💖

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Texas isn't bad though lol. I heard theres many roaches there😰

HI LOVEYYY!! How are you today? 💚 also, is there a name you’d like me to call you? 🥰

HIIIIIIII!!!! I'm doing fine, super sleepy lmao. Hm, tbh you can call me anything, but even though its not my real name haha, you can call me rinoa💞💞