The Cutest Kitty

the cutest kitty ♡

lover’s repent | kim taehyung

summary: two ex lovers face to face for the first time in three years feeling every ounce of regret for how things ended. four years of a happy relationship destroyed in one awful fight, but the love will always be there even if you say differently.

re·pent—“feel or express sincere regret or remorse about one's wrongdoing or sin.”

warnings: 9.9k. heavy angst. passionate smut. ex couple. mentions of past cheating. past fighting (extremely verbal abuse TW), time lapse 18/19–25/26, maturing. troubled past. missionary. riding. tae is a sad boi to the extreme. cunnilingus. tae eats it up. soft dirty talk. open ending. one shot. flashback memories TW. implied panic attacks. bath tub scene. pls skip flashback if triggered by intense arguing and hateful words. daddy issues. mommy issues. tae was kicked out at 19.

song inspo: 505 — arctic monkeys. call out my name — the weeknd. visions of gideon — surfjan stevens

The air that surrounded the pair was thick. It was suffocating to the point where he found himself needing to draw in a deep breath. His release was shaky and his nostrils seemed to flare with each desperate attempt to breathe. It was beginning to burn his eyes and he needed to hold back the urge to release any more emotion in front of you.

You looked just as he did, in complete shock and discomfort. Neither one of you knew what to do at this moment but your feet were frozen to the ground. It’s not like you could pretend this isn’t happening right now. The hall was narrow and dark but you could make him out anywhere. The only light that seeped through came from the opening and closing of the restrooms not far from you two. It was when a certain shine of light fanned his face when everything really processed. Not even two feet away was your ex boyfriend and you needed to get away.

You snapped out of it before him, feeling the strong urge to cry but there was no way you were doing it in front of him. So, you did what any sensible person would do, and walked around him so you could leave.

Taehyung’s resolve was cracking as he whipped around to stare after you but you were disappearing into the restroom leaving him alone. The hall was packed now with drunks and he wondered if they had been there all along. If everyone still continued around him and he was the only one who only saw you. Maybe he was imagining the stop you did in front of him. Maybe it had only been a second hesitation but he mistook it for an equal look of desperation.

For a moment it felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore at the thought of seeing you and it had him running away. The music was too loud now and the flashing lights were blurring his vision but he found them.

“Jeez, I thought I was gonna have to go looking for you,” Jimin said as the girls with him laughed. He placed an arm around Taehyung’s shoulder not noticing the panic on his friend’s face. One of the girls looked at Taehyung, “Was there a long line?”

Everyone looked at him but he couldn’t even think about that right now. He pulled Jimin into him by the arm and leaned close enough to whisper, “Y/n’s here.”

Jimin was more than tipsy but even he seemed to hesitate at the name and the sudden shakiness in his best friend’s voice. He looked into the worry of Taehyung’s eyes as he asked in shock, “Y/n?”

This time, Jimin was loud enough for the girls to hear and the one closest to Taehyung spoke, “Who’s Y/n?”

The restroom was too crowded. You rushed here in order to escape the suffocation that was Taehyung but it did you no help. There were so many people in here that you couldn’t even stop to catch a breath. The only good that came out of this was that the loudness was so fast that you couldn’t even stop to think about anything else. That’s good, that meant you couldn’t cry in peace.

Jungkook was probably looking for you anyway, you couldn’t just leave your friend hanging. You tried to collect yourself as much as possible, bracing yourself to leave the sanctuary disguised as a nightclub’s restroom.

It’s like there was a high chance you’d see him again. It was a big place packed with people in poor lighting. You could probably be ten feet away from him and not even notice. The hall was different, there was only one destination and one access to it.

That shouldn’t be the case. You shouldn’t see him again but this his time it looks like he wanted you to.

Like the last time, you tried to walk around him but as you tried he moved in front of you, hands coming just short of your waist to stop you.

“Y/n.”

“No,” you shook your head, refusing to look at him.

“Y/n, please.”

“No, I have to go,” you said and every muscle in your body was trying to get you to move but you didn’t. Taehyung carefully let his hands make contact with your waist, “Y/n.”

“What?” You snapped, finally looking up at him. His heart plummeted with that painful throb that made your chest cave in. He could barely see but with the strobe lights of blue that highlighted the outline of tears in yours, his resolve finally shattered. Taehyung pulled you into him wanting to just hold you but your hands hit his chest. “No, Taehyung—“

“Just hold me, please,” he squeezed his eyes shut to hold back a tear, “Please Y/n.” And you did.

It’s just been too long. Three years of attempting to heal from your relationship and you’re not sure if you ever did. So you wrapped your arms around his neck while he crumbled into your hold. You knew it was hard on him too even with all the hurt you caused each other.

This is why you preferred to never see him again. You knew that when you did everything that you bottled up would come flooding out. Hate bubbles up in your heart over the fact that it felt good to hug him. His hand was on your back, fingers pinching your shirt under his grip while the other hand was behind your head keeping you pressed to him.

Taehyung knew he shouldn’t feel this. He shouldn’t still feel hurt after not seeing you for years. He should have grown and learned from his mistakes. You just weren’t right for each other and he knew it all along. Yet any time he thought about you, said your name, or looked at an old photo, his chest would ache. He’d think about what the two of you had. He focused on the good memories praying they’d outweigh the bad one but they never did.

There was no excuse for how you treated each other so why the fuck does he need you to hold him? Why did his heart stop beating the moment you stood in front of him in the hall? Why did his breathing get heavy and his hands tremble?

It felt like an eternity when he finally pulled away but his hands slipped down to your forearms looking down at you and how much you’ve changed. Your hair was different, your style, your body. You didn’t have the fuller cheeks from being younger, your face was more structured. Your voice sounded a little different and even your touch was different.

Not in a way that was repulsive but more so desperate just like his embrace. There were so many things that could be said but neither one of you said anything. It wasn’t the time or place to do it. That’s why when Jungkook called your name, you tore your eyes away from Taehyung.

“Taehyung,” Jungkook said with a harsh tone that Taehyung understood the reason for. “Jungkook.”

“We’re heading out,” Jungkook turned to you looking down at the way you practically held hands, “Are you ready?”

Taehyung looked back at you but he didn’t say a single thing. What was he supposed to say without feeling the urge to cry? When you released your hold on him and his skin grew cold from the ghost of you, he knew the moment was over. You’d go back to never seeing each other and he’d live through the memories of your past together.

“Um,” you sniffled, “Yes, I’m ready.”

He let you leave him, replacing your place in his heart with a black hole.

Jimin watched out for Taehyung as he cut through the crowd. Sohyun leaned into him to whisper, “Who’s Y/n?”

“It’s better not to ask around Taehyung,” Jimin told her as Taehyung came back. He cut through the group and went straight for the bar. His ring tapped against the counter and when the bartender came he asked for straight Scotch and nothing else. Jimin was cautious as he came next to him. He forced a smile on his face, “Are you trying to get drunk tonight? Good idea, drink to have fun.”

“I’m drinking to forget.”

You were in a dark room surrounded by pictures in the process of developing. Music was turned all the way up and you felt your eardrums thrum with the sound. For the past couple days you’ve busied yourself with work.

Your overhead headphones construed your side view so when a hand touched your back, you jumped. The wet photo in your hand nearly fell to the ground and you cursed at the person behind you. Jungkook motioned for you to take the headphones off, “You’re going to lose your hearing. I could hear it all the way over here.”

You slid them down to your neck as you used clothing line clips to hang the photo against a string that crossed the ceiling.

“Helps me focus.”

“Alright,” Jungkook said as he looked at some of the pictures that were already near completion, “Are you ready to talk yet?”

“About?” You asked drying your hands before walking to the door. Jungkook followed after, watching you squint at the brightness of the other room. He bit his lip debating if he should bring it up, but he knew he needed to before you shut yourself off again. “Taehyung.”

Your hand froze mid-process of brushing your hair out of your face, “What about him?”

“Jimin called me,” he said, going to the front counter of the studio, “And I think you should meet up with him to sit down and talk.”

“Nobody’s asking you what you think,” you snapped, making his brows furrow.

“I know, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Wanna know why?” Jungkook said more sternly now, “Because I watched my best friend cry in the arms of a man who you haven’t seen in three years. The same man you loved for a very long time and broke apart when the two of you stopped talking. So I’m sorry if you don’t care what I think but I’m not going to sit around and watch you ruin yourself all over again because you didn’t get the closure you needed.”

You felt close to tears just by what he was telling you and you had to look away, “What am I supposed to do? I don’t have his number and he won’t want to see me again.”

Jungkook gave you a look that told you ‘be so serious right now’, “Jimin gave it to me in case you wanted it. So I gave him yours.”

You whined, “Jungk—“ There it was.

The ringtone.

He looked down at the phone on the counter with an unknown number displayed. He cleared his throat, “I’m going on my lunch.”

You debated letting it ring but it didn’t take long for you to answer. You picked up your phone, sliding the green button over and holding your breath, “Hello?”

His breath hitched, gripping his phone in a tight fist as he looked at Jimin. Jimin got up from his chair and left without another word, “Y/n? It’s um, it’s Taehyung.”

“Yeah…” you mentally slapped yourself for your poor response but Taehyung continued anyway. “Are you busy? Do you have time to talk?”

“I have some time, Jungkook’s just on lunch,” you told him looking around the empty studio with photos hanging everywhere.

Taehyung was silent for a moment. He tried to string together the right words to form his thoughts, “Can we meet when you’re off?”

“Where?” You asked him.

“Somewhere private.” He needed somewhere that he could cry in peace, “Jimin said we can use his place. He’s going out later so he won’t be home.”

So that’s how you found yourself in front of a building you were a stranger to. It’s been three years, you didn’t even live in your old apartment, you couldn’t expect other people to. You went up to the right floor and found the right door but you still hesitated. Unknown to you though, Taehyung was on the other side pacing back and forth anxiously. He heard your footsteps, he was only waiting for a knock that never came.

Your fist was inches away from the door but you still didn’t make a sound. The first attempt to, the door was whipping open. Taehyung stood there staring at you with a look you couldn’t pinpoint. It was strange when you used to know every emotion he felt. “Can I come in?”

“Ye—Yes, please,” Taehyung cleared his throat, moving over and you walked in. You distracted yourself by looking around but you were too aware of his presence.

There was a lot of small talk at first. A bit of silence in there too. Each question was shallow and tedious taking turns asking how the other’s been. Asking about occupations and hobbies but avoiding the reason you both were here right now.

“I thought I was never going to see you again,” Taehyung finally said, “And the other night… I think it was too much for me and I acted without thinking when I went after you.”

“I did too,” you confessed, “It just sort of happened.”

“It did.”

Silence fell over you and that’s when the images started. It must’ve hit you at the same time because Taehyung froze in his spot. The last time you saw each other was… fueled by hatred.

Three Years Ago

“That’s why I cheated on you, you piece of shit,” you shouted at him in anger. He knew this, you knew he knew this but the words still stung deep in his chest.

“Yeah? Well I cheated on you too,” he confessed venomously as he followed after you out of the bedroom you shared. The yelling echoed off the walls of the hallway and the dim lights made it hard to see clearly. You scoffed, turning to him, “Oh really? Then you can go and run back to whatever bitch you got to sleep with you.”

“Don’t worry, I will, God knows you won’t sleep with me,” he yelled walking out into the living room, “Since you can’t stand the thought of touching me.”

“Why would I want to? So that you can feel needed even when you’re not,” you yelled making him glare at you. You didn’t stop, “Because news flash, I don’t need you, I never did.”

“Fuck you,” he gritted his teeth, “You don’t get to say that to me when you know it’s a lie. You need me more than I will ever need you, remember that.”

“Fuck you! Why’d you stay then? You don’t need me, clearly, so why do you care about me?” You yelled as he got closer to you making you put your hands up to his chest.

“Because I loved you,” Taehyung said, chest to chest with you even with your hands in the way, “And you were too fucking stupid to see that.”

“And yet you cheated.”

“You did too!”

“Because you couldn’t even look at me!” You shouted, “You would rather look at whatever girl paid attention to you at that moment.”

“Right, because you’re such a fucking saint, Y/n? Because I’m the problem and you can never do anything wrong without blaming someone else. You just want an excuse because you couldn’t even keep your legs closed,” he said bitterly and you could see the redness in his eyes and you pushed him back. That hurt, it came from a place of hatred.

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you,” he shouted back at you, his hands on your arms to keep you from pushing him, holding you back.

“Fuck you,” you cried, “Fuck you and I never want to see you again. You’re worthless to me.”

He scoffed, “Oh I’m worthless now? Is that right? Who the fuck was here when you had no one? Me! That’s who. And how’d you repay me? By sleeping with my best friend!”

“Because you slept with someone! And I don’t regret doing it,” you said and he could feel more anger bubbling up inside him. He removed his hands from you and put some space before he blew up, “Then go be with him then so I could go fuck whoever I want without having to worry about you.”

“You already do!” You argued.

“Yeah because you couldn’t do one thing for me when I did everything for you!” Taehyung yelled.

“Oh, so that means you have the right to fuck a bitch behind my back?” You followed after him as he went to the kitchen to distance himself, “Because last time I checked, all you did was act like you were there for me.”

“I was! You know I did everything because you needed me,” he pointed at himself for emphasis, jabbing at his own chest to release anger. His emotions were getting high and his voice groggy as he held back tears.

You were crying, feeling shut down and bitter, “I don’t need anyone, especially not a cheating lowlife dick like you.”

“Because you’re so much better than me? You’re a slut who has to cheat on her boyfriend to feel validated because you hate yourself so fucking much that you ruin everything good for you.” He said in complete hatred stalking toward you with an accusing finger pointed at you.

You laughed dryly, “You aren’t good for me. You’re a fucking liar and a cheater and I want nothing to do with you.”

“Then leave!” He gripped your arm pulling you to the door. You yanked your arm back, “I will, and I’m not coming back.”

“I don’t need you to.”

“Right, keep lying to yourself.”

“I’m not lying.”

You looked back at him, “So I’m imagining all those nights you’d cry to me? Every single time you’d tell me how much you needed me. How much you loved me and would never hurt me? All those times you promised me you wouldn’t be like your cheating, piece of shit father? Yeah? Well look at you, like father like son.”

“Don’t you fucking dare Y/n.”

You know what you just said was awful but you couldn’t stop. You couldn’t let him know he’s hurting you more. “Or what? You’re gonna cheat on me again like your dad did on your mom? You say you hate him but guess fucking what Taehyung. You’re just like him.”

“You fucking bitch. H—How could y—,” he had to stop in order to be able to just breathe without it hurting.

“Because it’s true and you know it so don’t sit there and cry like you’re the victim when you fucked someone in my bed.”

He was in your face, finger a centimeter away, “This is why everyone in your shitty life leaves you. Because you don’t know how to shut the fuck up. Every word that comes out of your stupid fucking mouth. Everything you do disgusts me. Every single time you lied to my face, told me you loved me and that you’d never hurt me. And it was all a lie so don’t you fucking stand there and tell me I’m like my father when you know, you know how much he hurt me.”

“You never loved me.”

“I loved you Y/n and you never cared. It doesn’t matter how much someone might love you when you fucking hate yourself!” Taehyung yelled, “And no matter how much someone assures you, you don’t care because you want people to feel sorry for you.”

“Fuck you. You didn’t love me. You chose me because nobody else in your sorry life loved you enough to stick around!” You shouted shoving him back.

“So go!” His voice was scary, “Leave like you’ve always wanted to do because I’m fucking done with you, Y/n.”

You glared, backing away and into the bedroom you shared. He followed after you watching you walk straight into the closet to yank out two big suitcases. You opened your drawers and pulled clothes off the hangers. Taehyung panicked, watching you throw everything in. He went to you, “So you’re really leaving?”

“You’re done with me, remember? You said it two seconds ago so fuck you, I’m done,” you said pushing past him to the bathroom, “And I never want to see you again.”

He reached for your clothes to take them back out only for you to yank his hand back, “Don’t touch my shit.”

“Fine, fuck you then,” Taehyung said closing your suitcase as you pulled them off the bed and walked them out the bedroom, “Get out. I never want to see you again! I regret every single minute I’ve wasted on you.”

“I hate you!” You shouted opening the front door and he scoffed, “I hate you!”

The door slammed shut.

On one side of the door was a man crumbling to the floor, knees to his chest hiding his face as he cried heavily. His breathing got jagged, heaving to just calm down but he couldn’t. He couldn’t. He couldn’t and it was getting harder to breathe.

“Fuck Y/n,” he told himself, “Fuck Y/n. Fuck Y/n. Fuck!”

“I fucked up,” he cried.

You knew your face was a mess as you stayed outside his door, trembling hand reaching for the door handle but you couldn’t. You couldn’t go back and apologize. Not this time. No, this time was bad.

So all you could do was turn around and leave his life.

Present

“I’m sorry, fuck,” he hid his face behind a hand so you wouldn’t see him cry, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I—you don’t know how—I just want—fuck, I can’t breathe.”

“Tae,” you moved closer but before you could touch him, you stilled. You shouldn’t console him. You don’t need to. You’re not dating, haven’t been for the last three years. You had a big fight that broke you two to a million pieces. There was no reason for you to want to comfort him. There was no reason for you to cry in his arms the other night.

But you reach for him anyway, pulling him against your chest as he full on sobbed into your sweater, tight grip on your hoodie until his knuckles turned white. Your hand was around his face, fingers laced through his hair pressing him into your neck. It took a moment but he was calming down, all it took was the soft press of your lips to his hair to make him look up. Your eyes met and he could see now that your eyes were red like his. They watered like his did.

“Sorry,” he cleared his throat awkwardly as he wiped a tear away, “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“I missed you.”

His eyes snapped back to you, “What?”

“I don’t want you to think it was easy leaving,” you confessed, making his body go rigid. He never thought it was easy, not for himself anyway.

Taehyung really did love you but at the time it felt like he didn’t know how to anymore. It was a very rocky time in your relationship and the two of you acted impulsively. You had never had a fight like that, never. In your four years of dating, never did you fight like that. And it hurt.

It really fucking hurt.

“It was my fault,” he broke the silence that had fallen over you two. He was going to own up and take the blame after three years of regret. It really was his fault though. He’s the one who felt a burden.

He’s the one who couldn’t deal with the weight of your problems anymore. He’s the one who looked somewhere else for the love he didn’t think you could give him anymore. He couldn’t be there for you like he wanted to and it ultimately drew him away. No, he drew himself away.

He was the one to get down on himself. He’s the one who made himself believe you didn’t need him. He’s the one who would ignore you. Not the other way around, because he was the one to cheat on you first, right?

It might have happened around the same time. Four years together made it easy to know how the other was feeling. It’s unsure if he’s the one to distance himself first or if it was you. Either way, you didn’t want to deal with him either and slept with someone while he was away.

It’s not that you didn’t love him, you held so much love for him that it turned to hatred. Hate fueled by the fact that he was your one and only. Like, when you release all your built-up anger on one person just because you know they’ll never leave? Yeah, that’s what happened. Neither of you thought you’d actually leave each other. You were trying to hurt but never ended things.

At least not until the fight where your true feelings were unveiled. When every little thing you disliked about the other came spilling out. It was just one fight. That’s all it took for the two of you to fall apart and that’s what hurts him the most.

Four years together. From the time he was 19, kicked out of his mother’s house, to 23–when he cheated. You were just 18 when you met, fresh out of high school running into him at a record store. You helped him pick out some cassette tape since he didn’t have a phone to listen to music. The first night you met, you listened like nobody else ever had.

Then, a couple months later, he was kicked out and forced to live with his dad unless he found somewhere else. But there you were, warm and inviting, letting him sneak in through your bedroom window every night. Letting him hold you as he told you about whatever happened to him as a kid. Listening to you open up about your family, your fear of abandonment, your insecurities. He’d place a kiss on every part of your body you hated telling you over and over again that he loved you.

Because he did.

He loved you when you moved in together at 20. He loved you when he bought his first car giving you a ride in the passenger seat. He loved you when you made it through your first two years of college. He loved you even when you got too busy for each other. When his life was taking him one way while it took you the other. Even when he felt the burden of only having you on his side. Knowing he was the only one of yours.

Four years together, happy together. And wanna know why it all went to ruin?

Because neither one of you can accept any form of happiness without caution. Because in the beginning the two of you were moving so fast to be there for each other that when things stopped moving, and all you felt was happy. It felt undeserving, like it would expire. Like now that everything’s good in your lives something has to come in and fuck it up.

And that’s what you did. You cheated. He cheated. No matter what excuse you had, you hurt each other. All because what you had felt undeserving.

“It’s my fault Taehyung,” you said looking away from him, “I… I think I wanted to hurt you.”

He shook his head, “No, I wanted to hurt you. I was mad that it was too perfect that I distanced myself. I wasn’t used to being content with the life I made with you. It felt like I didn’t deserve it, you, I mean. After everything you did for me and all I wanted to do was ruin it because I’m not a good person. I didn’t deserve to be happy with you.”

You didn’t say anything for a long moment. It’s not that you forgot how happy you two were, it was hard not to be with everything you overcame together. It’s not that you agreed with him either. You shook your head, “Please, stop blaming yourself. I was the one who slept with Jisoo and I know that it hurt you more than what you did to me.”

He winced at the name like it was still the cause of his nightmares. His old friend, his best friend who came into his life around the time you did. The one who knew how much you meant to him and chose to console you when Taehyung wouldn’t. And he knows it’s your fault, and Jisoo’s, and his, and whatever random chick he slept with.

He wasn’t crying anymore but his nose was still runny and voice was still groggy as he spoke, “I slept with that girl because I was mad at you. I can’t remember why, I think I was just mad in general and the only one I could get back at was you. You’re all I had and for some reason that meant it was you who’d I’d hurt. I thought that if you ever hurt me, it would hurt less if I hurt you too.”

“Tae—“

“Then we had that fight,” he looked away from you, “And we said some really fucked up shit to each other and in that moment I thought I fucking hated you and that I never wanted to see you again in my life. But then you left, and for the first time I was alone without you, and I regretted it instantly. I had no one.”

You didn’t even know what to say. You had too much to say but nothing came out because now was not the time. You knew Taehyung. It didn’t matter what you said at the moment because he’ll continue to blame himself for everything that ever happened. That’s how he’s always been, even when he cried in your arms after he was kicked out. He blamed himself for not being the son his mother wanted. He blamed himself for hating his dad so much he couldn’t even live with him.

At this moment you felt awful for not crying as much as he was when you know you wanted to. You didn’t want him to think you didn’t feel pain. You just wanted to be strong for him because it would do neither of you any good if you were both breaking down. Right now emotions were high because this is the first actual conversation you’ve had in three years. It’s difficult but once you two get familiarized again it’ll be easier to look back on your difficult past.

“What time does Jimin get back?” You asked now that he was more collected. He gave a tired shrug of his shoulders clearly drained by this whole ordeal. Usually, he would’ve been able to keep his cool composure but whenever he was around you, he always let himself feel.

“Soon,” Taehyung answered, looking at you as you sat next to him on the couch. You were still close from when you hugged him and he had this strong urge to do it again. He pulled on the sleeve of your shirt until you were leaning into him and it gave him a chance to wrap his arms around you. You breathed in his cologne that attached itself to his hoodie hugging him back.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed, sinking further into him as he began to run his fingers through your hair. He placed a kiss on your forehead, “I’m sorry.”

“So that’s it?” Yoongi asked him one day over dinner. Exactly three days after the night at Jimin’s when he last saw you. Taehyung gave a shrug of his shoulders as he focused his attention down on the menu in front of him.

He wonders what you’re doing right now. You’re probably at work or home doing something with photography. That’s what you used to do anyway, but it’s been three years so he’s not sure. You’re not at that level yet where you can talk about your daily lives again. You’re still working through communicating at all.

“I mean, are you two going to see each other again? Are you just friends?” Yoongi asked him, “Did you get the closure you needed?”

“Um, we did talk… but I don’t know,” Taehyung told him and Jimin honestly, “It’s hard to bounce back after not seeing each other for three years.”

“Plus the actual break up,” Jimin added looking at Taehyung, “But you both still definitely feel something right? If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have freaked out the night at the bar.”

“I don’t know,” Taehyung repeated, “I love Y/n, I’m always going to but… it’s not just about how I feel toward her. We did some messed up shit to each other and yeah, it’s been years but… if Y/n can’t forgive me then there’s nothing.”

“Do you forgive Y/n?”

The question was difficult to answer.

On one hand, yes he did. If it meant that he could reconcile whatever the two of you had that made him stay for four years, then yes. A thousand times yes. If it means he gets another four years, eight years, sixteen—he’ll say yes. He’ll forgive the last few months before the fight where shit hit the fan. You can’t compare five months of relationship fighting with three and a half wonderful, loving years. So, the answer should be an obvious yes.

Except it’s not, because then he thinks about the fight. He thinks about the things you said to him and how much they hurt. He thinks about you in bed with his friend. He thinks about the three years where you didn’t talk. Where he didn’t know how you were, where you were, what you were doing. If you moved on from him or if you thought about him every now and then like he thought about you.

Yes, he did date other people but it was never more than a couple months. He could never quite feel for them what he felt for you. Though, he doesn’t know if it was because of love or because of lack of closure that had you in the back of his mind. Like, you were only together until he was 23, but you were together during some of the hardest years in his life. You were both young and in love, and in pain. It’s hard for him to never feel anything for you again.

“I think I can, overtime I mean,” Taehyung finally said, “Right now I think it’s about getting used to each other again.”

“Bu—“

Everyone stopped talking as their eyes shifted to Taehyung’s phone. It was your new number calling and it had him answering immediately, “Hello?”

“Hi, uh, do you have a minute or are you doing something?” You asked as you twisted the key into the front door of the studio.

He looked down at the dinner menu in front of him, “I’m not busy, did you want anything?”

You stood up with the phone pressed to your ear as you looked around. You’re not sure if this is a good idea but you’ve only had one actual conversation with him and it ended in tears. Maybe you should try for another, “I just wanted to know if you’ve had dinner yet? I just got off and I wanted to see if you’re doing anything.”

“Now?” He asked, looking at his two friends who listened patiently. His gaze shifted to his glass of water and menu. “Where?” He listened as you told him where to meet up and with that the call ended.

Jimin was the first to speak up, “You’re leaving?”

“Y/n, she uh,” he looked down at the menu again, “wants to get dinner together, so, um.”

“It’s fine, we get it,” Yoongi said, waving Taehyung off. Jimin gave a small nod and before Taehyung left they told him to be careful.

When he finally did arrive at the restaurant you were already there waiting for him. On his side of the table was his usual choice of drink and menu. He looked down at the drink before smiling softly, “Sorry I’m late.”

“You’re not late,” you told him with a shy smile as you ran your fingers through your nervously, “Thanks for coming, I know it was last minute.”

It grew quiet when you both looked at the menu but it didn’t feel awkward. With the quiet buzz of what was happening in the background. There was a sense of familiarity right now, having dinner together like you used to. The server came by to take your orders and once the distraction of menus was gone, you just looked at each other shyly.

“Do you usually work this late?” Taehyung cleared his throat nervously as he tried making actual conversation with you.

“Not usually but I had a late appointment and I wanted to get the pictures done as soon as possible,” you told him, “And Jungkook left early so I had to close.”

Taehyung’s eyes widened slightly, “So you opened your studio?” A sense of pride filled his chest, proud to know you finally took photography more seriously. He’s not sure how many times he’d tell you that you had a talent for it.

“Yeah, well Jungkook and I did together. We still don’t have additional staff but we’re thinking about getting an assistant finally. The workload is just getting too much,” you opened up to him so naturally like you were falling back into your old routine together.

Taehyung nodded, listening to you tell him about how you’re doing. It’s nice to know you got your studio with Jungkook. He always liked the guy, he was a good friend to you and Taehyung always had respect for him. He played with his straw wrapper as the two of you looked into each other’s eyes.

You were the first to crack, looking away with a little smile, “Are you still doing something with filmography?”

He tilted his head in thought, “Sort of? I’m director/producer for a YouTube channel that does weekly segments, it pays well and it’s pretty enjoyable. I get to meet different online creators and sometimes I get to go on trips for certain videos.”

“If you meet a celebrity, get me an autograph.”

“If I can go to you for headshots,” he said and you both nodded in agreement.

The flow between you was so natural and enjoyable. You had so much to talk about and once you got the momentum it was hard to stop. Even when the server came with your food, you continued the conversation without stopping.

If anything it was easier now. Three years of maturing and growing as individuals and not a single unit did wonders for you both. It’s not that you were holding each other back but you were able to focus on yourselves for some time. So now that you’ve reconnected it’s not the same sort of conversations as before and there was a sense of ease between you.

When the bill came, Taehyung took it, already getting his wallet out. You shook your head, “I’m paying, I invited you.”

“No, it’s fine,” he said but you took it from him rushing to give it to the server with your money.

He smacked his lips together in disagreement but let it slide. Then an idea came to mind, something that could either go right or wrong but now it was in his head and he needed to get it out. Another server came and started clearing the table as you waited for your card back. He looked at you, “Next time, I’ll pay.”

You looked back at him as you got your card back. He waited to see how you’d react when you gave a small nod, “That’s fair.”

“Can I drive you home?” He asked once you two were out and you looked away in thought. He waited for you to answer but you didn’t, so instead he bit the bullet and asked, “Or, um, do you want to have a few drinks at my place?”

Still, it took you a while to respond but you were finally able to nod, standing up with him and going to his car. He resisted the urge to reach for your hand and led the way. The drive was a comfortable sort of quiet with music playing in the background.

When you first arrived at the apartment you were surprised. Some things looked familiar and some things didn’t but it was so utterly Taehyung that you liked it either way. Taehyung stood back, suddenly nervous as you looked around. Once upon a time your shared place was covered in pictures of you together and some of only you. After the break up he couldn’t look at a picture of you without getting worked up in either sadness or anger.

In an attempt to act natural he went to get wine, filling two glasses and coming back out to you. He walked up behind you tapping your shoulder with a glass that you took with a thanks. You looked back at him, “Give me a tour, yeah?”

“It’s not a lot, you know I like simple,” he said but agreed anyway, leading you through the living room to the kitchen. You took small sips from your wine as you followed listening to him tell you about whatever he wanted to in order to fill in any moments of silence.

When you got to his bedroom is when something felt different. It was like a sense of deja vu that neither one of you had noticed at first.

When you were 18 and you had just met Taehyung he invited you to his place. It was before you started dating and he still lived with his mom and siblings. Nobody was home and it was before you were leaving to see a movie. At that time you were just friends but you remember how it made your heart flutter. He was so nervous too, trying to hide whatever he thought was too childish and you’d tease him about it.

Now you’re in your mid twenties standing in his bedroom listening to him tell you about when he first moved in. Oh, how things have come full circle right now.

You had been staring at him for a while without noticing it. Taehyung had grown silent the moment he noticed it, looking into your eyes with a sense of longing.

This was it, right? Maybe things could reconcile between you and him. If he wanted things to happen, he had to be bold.

“Y/n,” he finally said, seeming to snap you out of whatever was on your mind, “Come here.”

Your brows furrowed for a moment but it didn’t stop you from doing as told. You were close to each other now, and he looked at you with an expression you were familiar with. Yet, something was different now, it was sexier.

His facial features have sharpened since he was 23 and his voice deepened. But the look in his eyes remained the same, a pure look of lust. So maybe it was the proximity or the pent up wanting, but it was happening fast.

It was like a breath of air was knocked out of you both with the force of your lips meeting. His hands were holding either side of your head, his head dipping down to meet your lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck trying to get him closer as your lips began to move. It was soft, and warm, and everything you’ve needed for the last three years.

He was melting into you, pressing himself as close as possible, a groan rumbling in his throat with the urge to kiss you more. On instinct Taehyung’s hands came to rest on your hips, savoring You’re touch for as long as he could have it. You were forced to pull back to catch your breath, breathing slightly heavier.

Then you were pulling away, kissing at his jaw, neck, ear—anything you could. He was sliding his hands along your back, lowering them more and more, lifting a leg of yours up by the knee. You didn’t notice the bed behind you until he was pushing you onto it.

There was absolutely no hesitation in the way you tugged at each other’s clothes wanting to get them off. Once your shirts were gone, he was leaning back down for a kiss.

Taehyung tore through your bottom layers leaving only your undergarments on. Your legs spread open for him to lay between them and you couldn’t stop the light moan that slipped from your lips. Taehyung swallowed the sound, his covered member meeting your core with a soft grind. He was already hardening. It’s been too long.

“I missed you,” he groaned into your neck, sucking marks down to your collarbone as your hands trailed up his sides, just wanting to feel you. His mouth drew open when you met his hips with your concealed cunt following the rhythm of his movement.

His hands were pulling you up, sliding behind your back and undoing the clasp of your bra. You helped him get it off you, gasping softly when he took your boobs. “So fucking much,” he sighed, rolling a nipple between his thumb feeling the familiar weight in his hands. They always were perfect to him, fit in his hands and mouth. Taehyung lowered until his mouth was on your right tit, feeling your body whither under him.

“Tae,” you breathed out trying to close your legs but you couldn’t with him lying between you. Taehyung trailed kisses down your body, feeling down every bit of skin he could find, chasing the little moans you released to his wanton ears.

“Hurry,” you whined as he left a kiss on your inner thigh, palms flat over them to keep you open. “It’s been so long.”

You weren’t thinking about anything but what it would feel like to have his mouth on your pussy again. He always knew how to lick your clit and roll his tongue the way you liked.

Like everything about her, the taste of her was perfect too. He pulled on your panties, letting them hang off a leg before diving back in with absolutely no patience. His arms circled both your thighs pressing you flushed against his head and in a quick and needy move, his tongue swiped along your folds.

Your mouth drew open in a silent moan as he flattened it out before doing it again feeling your slick on his tongue and swallowing back whenever he could. Your hand was in his hair pulling at it just the way he liked you too and it had him sharpening his movements. His tongue stiffened whenever he slid it between the folds that hid your pretty little clit from him, before flattening whenever he went lower again.

When his tongue made it between your walls as deep as it could go, is when you really started moaning. He hit a spongy wall that felt slicker and he let his tongue thrust into it. Your thighs twitched, hand gripping his hair a little tighter and he did it again.

“Tae,” you moaned, “Tae,” he did it again. Nose now driven against your clit wetting the entire lower half of his face as he ate you out. You didn’t even warm him when your release flooded him and he didn’t seem to care. He lapped at your cum like a starved man. Three years without the taste of you on his tongue, that’s how much he’s needed you.

When he finally pulled away, you didn’t hesitate to sit up, hands on his briefs pulling them down. He groaned at your reference letting you yank him closer. He settled between your legs letting yours hook over his thighs completely open to him and he line his bare, hard cock against your leaching entrance.

There was no question about protection but neither of you cared at the moment. So when you felt the first raw inch of his cock sliding into your folds, you moaned loudly. No stretching, nothing, just your slick and his precum to keep you wet and yet the slide was easy.

He didn’t take it slow, there was no stopping until he was at the hilt but that’s how you liked it. He knew that you hated taking him slowly, he was big but you always made him go all the way in before adjusting. You never made him slide in only inch by inch.

His eyes crossed with a moan as he sank in, his arms nearly giving in, almost dropping his weight on you. You took deep breaths trying to adjust to his length, hands trailing up his stomach toward his chest. Taehyung shivered under your touch, feeling every ridge of your pussy for the first time in a long time. It felt like the first time the two of you ever had sex, you still felt as tight, as warm, as inviting. He needed to move, he was already so close. It was hard not to be when he missed you so much.

After all this time acting like he didn’t care about you anymore, nobody believed him. There’s a reason why nobody brings you up around him or why he had to put every gift you’d ever given him out of his sight.

“Taehyung,” you licked your dry lips as your nails scraped down his sides, going down to his hips and guiding him to move. He reared back, dragging out his heavy coco until only his tip was embraced by your tight walls. A hand moved up to your hair as he combed out of your face lovingly. Then, he thrusted back in until his hips met yours once more.

Your mouth drew open in a moan and without breaking eye contact he did it again. Your fingers dug into his hips, legs coming up slightly, “More.”

He bit his lower back in an awful attempt to hold back a grunt before collapsing over you. “Tell me, Y/n, did you miss me?”

“So much,” you moaned into his hair as he tucked his face into the nape of your shoulders with his eyes squeezed shut as he drew himself out to the tip, and sank back in, rougher this time.

“Yes, Tae, oh my god,” you lifted your hips to meet his thrusts, moving quicker so that he could match your rhythm, “So damn much.”

Taehyung hissed, rocking into you faster, hand coming up to your chin and gripping softly as he used it to turn you to look at him. His forehead pressed against yours as the sound of skin slapping filled his bedroom. The sound was carnal and intimate, like a feeling between two lovers that had been separated for too long. Which is exactly what the two of you were.

Two people who were inseparable. Two people who spat words of pure hatred at each other just to see the other break. Two people who swore to never speak again, only to be in bed with moans leaving their lips.

“Fucking beautiful,” he whispered again taking the chance to look at you and the way your pretty lips formed an ‘o’ everytime he dragged himself out. You were tightening around him, not yet close to release but definitely feeling the pleasure. It was making every pull of his cock that much harder to get out, like you were sucking him in.

He still held a grip on your chin even though you wouldn’t dare look away from. His nose pressed against yours as he changed rhythm. He let all his weight fall on you, feet digging into the mattress as he began to grind his dick into your folds. He was so close that your clit felt pleasure from the quick rub of his pelvis against yours. His other hand was reaching for yours, holding it over your head letting the bounce of the mattress aid his thrusts.

Your tits were against his chest, every exposing part of your bodies as close as they could be to each others. You leaned upwards until your lips met his closing the small distance between you two. Taehyung’s eyes fell shut, relishing in your affection he had never gotten over.

There was a reason why his other relationships never lasted. They didn’t make him feel the way you do in every form possible. It wasn’t even just the sex, which has always been amazing with you, it’s your entire essence. To him it could never be replicated or replaced. He has always known that if he ever ended up with someone who wasn’t you, he wouldn’t have loved them as much. You took it all and there’s no way he’d ever be able to take it all back and give it to someone else.

And he was a young, damn fool to ever do something to lose you.

Your tongue licked at his lips, making him part them for you. Yours was soft, pressing against his in a wet glide before rolling over it. He had been in his world and you knew this, that’s what made rolling on top of him that much easier.

“Fu—ngh,” he moaned into your mouth when you kept his hand where yours had been, only letting his other one go down to your ass.

Your back arched as you sank down onto his length in the new position, his fingers digging into your ass enough to leave marks.

“I thought I hated you,” you confessed in the middle of riding his dick with a new vigor, new motivation, “I thought I never wanted to see you again.”

“I know,” he gasped watching as your hair all fell to one side as you looked at him with a dark, wanting gaze. Your hips were rolling against him in perfect waves that had his dick moving back and forth with each roll. Your brows narrowed looking a little annoyed now, “But now I’m riding your cock, Tae.”

He released a deep groan as his body rolled with your movements, “I know baby.” The word slipped off his tongue naturally, like it used to, and it made you clench around him. He felt two steady beats of your pussy pulsing around him and he couldn’t take it. He needed to cum.

Without hesitating, he lifted you off, letting you lay and on your stomach as he laid next to you turning on his side. You backed up into him, lifting a leg up to help him sink back in and once he had, he held your leg.

“I missed your pussy so damn much,” he growled pressing his face into the side of your face as he fucked you in the new position. “Always so fucking wet and tight. I could never hate fucking you.”

“Mmh,” you moaned, the build up becoming too much. You brought an arm back to his side in warning and he caught on quickly. So his hand went straight for your clit. It was soaked with your juices and he rubbed small circles into the wetness. He angled his cock further in feeling your walls get unbelievably tighter and he swears he can’t get out.

Your pussy twitched with release, a steady cream coating his cock with a push and he felt like he was drowning.

Fuck, he missed you.

He missed you.

He missed you.

“Oh fuck,” he had to take his cock out or else he would cum.

He missed you.

“Y/n,” he moaned as his wall cracked, cum landing on your lower back as he hugged you, “Y/n. Y/n.”

The two laid there for a long time, neither sure what to do. You just had sex with a man who hurt you as much as you had hurt him.

The sun hit his face in an unpleasant way. It was a rude awakening after a very long night. In order to hide from it, he turned on his side to use you as a shield.

His hand touched an empty side, feeling nothing.

His heart sank looking around the rest of the room.

Nobody.

Taehyung sat up, scratching his head in confusion looking over his room again. His ear picked up the sound, water being played with and his gaze shifted to his bathroom. He was on his feet, sheet wrapped around his lower half and opened the door.

You looked over to him as he stood at the door. You were in his bathtub, soapy bubbles in the water and droplets down your skin. His heart rate steadied as a shy smile formed on his face, “Can I come in?”

You nod silently watching Taehyung drop the towel and come over to you. He set a foot in and then the other, sitting behind you as you moved forward. You turned slightly to look at him, still quiet and in thought.

You nod silently watching Taehyung drop the towel and come over to you. He set a foot in and then the other, sitting behind you as you moved forward. You turned slightly to look at him, still quiet and in thought.

He could sense your concerns as he placed a soft kiss on your shoulder, “Do you wanna talk about last night?”

You bit your bottom lip as he took the loofah from your hands and ran it along your back. “I don’t know.”

“Do you regret it?” He asked cautiously, trying to get a good view of your reaction. “Do you?” You asked as he handed it back to you so you could wash him too. He shook head no.

“I don’t either,” you said stiffly, “But I don’t know what it means.”

Your eyes met and you could tell he didn’t know either.

It was obvious you still loved each other and that there was something there. You also knew that you weren’t loyal to each other once and it was enough to scare you.

But three years is long enough to mature and one thing was clear, even after time, he’s still the one you want.

It just scares you to fully trust each other like you used to.

His touch was soft as his hand grazed yours, “I won’t ask anymore. When we’re both ready we’ll talk.”

“Thank you,” you said looking up to him and leaning in, kissing the corner of his mouth affectionately.

The Past — 18 year old Y/n, 19 year old Taehyung

You weren’t asleep yet but you were in bed. The walls of your childhood bedroom were covered in various images, some of your boyfriend. It’s been a couple days since you last seen him and you miss him.

Just as you turned on your side to face the wall, there a quiet tapping on glass. You turned quickly, heart racing in gear before a smile formed on your face. You looked to the door to make sure it was locked before hopping out of bed. You lifted the window as quietly as you could letting Taehyung sit on the sill.

“What are you do—mmh,” his lips pressed against yours with need. He slid through the opening as he made it into your room listening to you shush him. “Can I sleep over?” He asked giving you another kiss now that he was inside.

“Yes but shut up, my parents are sleeping.” He noddded in response, tossing his backpack on your bed before turning to pull you into an embrace, “I missed you.”

“It’s been a week,” you stated letting him move you to the bed, wrapping your arms around his neck. He shook his head, “Too long.”

“I thought you were stuck at home,” you said as he lied down next to you. He shrugged, “She kicked me out.”

“What?”

“Told me to go live with my dad instead but you know I won’t.”

“So what are you gonna do?” You asked turning on your stomach to look at him. He looked away, “I don’t know. Probably sleep on Jimin’s couch until his parents kick me out too. I have to save up for a place.”

“Stay here for a few nights,” you said leaning forward to rest your head on his chest. He bit his lip, “What about your parents?”

“They’re in bed by eight, sneak in after that. I’ll leave my window open, or the back door. Just lock it up when you’re in,” you told him as he began to run his fingers through your hair.

He smiled warmly, pressing a soft, quick kiss on your nose, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

THE END

::.

19 year old Tae in fic

23 year old Tae in fic

vs

26 year old Tae in fic

just imagine 😍

taglist: @jiminzfilter @nuniah @notmyfaultbutours @whoa-jo @thvlover @rerefundslocals @catbaerry @jeonjcngkook

This stage was dope

I WANT MORE

noooo please my heart

ALL THE LADYNOIR

somewhere deep inside your heart there still lives a young boy 🌸

🥺🤲 THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭

The fact that I mentioned living baubles and WHAT DO THEY BOND OVER??? Tree decorating?? GENIUS ❤️ I love this so much 🥺 kinda wish the story never ended so I could enjoy all this sweetness a bit more but still this is amazing thank you so much 🥺

Nth Time’s a Charm

Summary: How many trips to the store does it take to decorate a tree? ▸ Pairing: Jimin x F!reader ▸ Rating / Genre / AU: PG-13 / fluff, humor ▸ Warnings: N/A ▸ Word Count: 1.3k ▸ A/N: This gift was created through @bangtansecretsanta​ and is for fellow Wings era enthusiast @jiminzfilter. Surprise~~!! I hope you enjoy, lovely! Thank you to Cherry for beta’ing and banner-ing! 

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In this world, there is nothing that brings you more displeasure than being outside in the cold. Yet here you are, trudging to the seasonal decor shop in 5 layers of clothing so heavy that it feels like you’re dragging yourself along in a suit of armor. Your mind is begging you to end this mission, but your heart has other ideas. It’s the day before Christmas Eve – you have to try just one more time.

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