The Likelihood Of Being On Your Mind

the likelihood of being on your mind

summary: you don’t think about jeon jungkook that often, but when you do, it’s always followed by feelings of antipathy. and really, why think of him when you could be thinking about soccer captain, kim seokjin instead? you have your heart set on seokjin. there is nothing you want more than to make him yours. but of course, jungkook has to throw a wrench in it. 

genre: fluff; a little angst but like, not really; childhood friends/neighbours to lovers, slight enemies to lovers, college au

warnings: arguments, a small physical altercation, degrading names, mentions of parental separation / divorce

word count: 18.2k

author’s note: this fic was changed several times because i just could not decide what direction i wanted to take it. it’s the longest thing i’ve written on here as of yet but i hope it doesn’t drag. please enjoy it a lot! likes, reblogs, comments are always appreciated, thank so you so much! sidenote: some readers may not find the oc/jungkook and/or their actions ‘agreeable.’ they are meant to frustrate you, annoy you, aggravate you. i think characters which pull these sort of feelings from you, as well as love, kindness, and change, are important in story-telling. happy reading~! :] 

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WAIT WAIT -- I got another source of inspiration for your ask game 😅 The infamous much sought after Armyst Kookie who drove millions into a panic (I’m still mad I couldn’t get my hands on one, neither the sweater nor Jungkook 🤧)

As always, please feel free to ignore either ask!! ❤️

Noooo I wasn't able to get one either and I'm so sad 😭 I think my panic is still going on because every time I see this pic I have to physically stop what I'm doing and admire him.

no warnings

Hey JK,

I know you're not perfect. You say stupid stuff sometimes, you laugh when you're not supposed to, you have scars left behind by people who did you wrong, you're a little crazy, but that's okay. So am I. Love me or not, I'll never not admire those things about you. Because they make you who you are. And I really like who you are...more than you'll probably ever know.

Love, A <3

Jungkook turns the note over in his hand, sighing as he reads it again and again and again.

It's been close to two months since he started receiving these "hey JK" letters, and every one of them comes at just the right moment, just when he needs them. Like an angel. Like someone out there just knows what he needs exactly when he needs it.

How beautiful would it be to finally discover this person's identity, to discover who's been the one unknowingly keeping him afloat these last weeks. Jungkook desperately wishes he could find them, see them, hug them, and relate all the gratitude he has in his heart for them. They probably don't know....but he's started to fall for their letters, deeper and more seriously with every word.

If he would only let himself, he could seriously fall in love with this mystery admirer. His hopeless romantic ass wants nothing more than to meet them under the cherry blossoms, standing in awed silence as they look at each other and smile, finally in the open after all this time spent in secret. His heart craves the interaction more than anything. It’s like he can feel it burn deeper in his bones with every letter he receives; this person is his soulmate. 

"Hey," you chant as you approach him at his locker, a casual wave and a bounce of your backpack. "What's up?"

Jungkook doesn't notice you at first, his eyes fixated on the lovely handwriting and enchanting rhythm of words on the paper.

You glance over his shoulder and see the note, nodding along as you briefly scan it. "Another letter. Does it have any clues as to who sent it this time?"

"Not really," your best friend sighs dejected. "Just...like usual."

His cheeks tint pink at that last signature. Love. Does this person actually love him? Does this mean they know him personally? He's suspected it before considering their previous letters have mentioned some pretty personal things; things only his close friends might know. But none of his friends claim to have written them. Not even you. 

His writer doesn’t sound anything like you anyway. They’re much softer and cuter and, Jungkook tends to imagine, smaller than you in stature. They need to be protected at all costs. You fight your own battles. They prefer to hide from the spotlight. You’re never afraid to speak your mind or call someone out on their bullshit. They probably wear pretty bows and ribbons in their hair. Pink is your least favorite color, not to mention you once confessed you’d be dead before you got caught wearing ruffles.

But...what if it was you? Jungkook happens to know about your intense love for stationary and poetry. But you prefer dark romance, you know, an Edger Allen Poe kind of aesthetic. There’s no way you could be responsible for writing the line, “my heart races when I look at you, my toes curl inside my shoes, and I feel all the forces of the universe pulling us together. I desperately desire your lips and heart alike. More than anything.” 

Jungkook glances at you resting your chin on his shoulder, reading over the note with twisted lips and concentrated eyes. Has your nose always looked like a button? 

"I'm sure they'll reveal themselves eventually," you tell him while adjusting his hoodie on his shoulders, "they're probably shy and just waiting for the right moment."

He allows you to pull the hood over his head and comb your fingers through his hair, fixing the few loose strands and guiding the fabric to frame his face prettily. 

“Shy?” 

"Yeah, you know. I like you but I'm scared to say it out loud, sorta thing. These letters are probably a way for them to express their feelings without being embarrassed."

"You think they're embarrassed?"

You shrug. "Maybe. Not of you, of course. Telling someone how you feel can be...scary."

That makes sense. Jungkook has had crushes before and he remembers how nerve-racking it was to voice his emotions. So whoever has written these letter to him must have a shy personality or at least be hesitant to be open about their feelings.

Well, that clears up one thing. It's not you.

Jungkook walks you home that day, as he does every day. He waves goodbye as you trudge your way into your house, saying a quick hello to your guardian and shuffling off to your room.

In the bottom drawer of your dresser, buried beneath stacks of school notebooks and old textbooks, you dig out a small box of notecard sized pink letters and place one in front of you. With all your stationary laid out and ready, you select your favorite pen, and scramble to organize your thoughts before you begin to write.

Hey JK,

You must be frustrated because I keep avoiding you. To tell you the truth, I'm scared to say who I am because expectations are a hard thing to live up to, and I'm afraid of being a disappointment. Eventually, I’ll face my fear. But for now, can you let me admire you from here? From my hidden corner of the world where I can watch you be amazing and silently wish to myself that I could be half the person you are? Eventually...I’ll face my fear. Even if it brings about the end of our little romance. As long as it doesn't burn our friendship. Can you promise me something? If I tell you who I am, promise it won't burn either of us?

With caution, A <3

::

Pic requests are open again! Send me a pic--your bias or bias wrecker being cute or spicy--and I'll write a short something to match it 👀

he is so 🥵🔥 (cr. @/joonie)

This is so beautifully written pleaaase. I'm in tears. Tae tae as royalty is ✨✨✨ and the character development and realisation was chef's kiss ✨

I really want a part 2 now ahh but it's okay. I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS.

YOU REALLY WRITE SO WELL, MINDY. YOUR IMAGINATION IS AMAZING AS WELL.

Heyyy, I hope you are doing well. ✨

Here is a pic of Tae if the requests are still up (HE LOOKS SO FINE AHH) 🙈✨

Thank you 🥺💜

How perfectly exquisite 😍 he's so fine, wow. I was literally talking with my sister the other day and she made the comment, "no one looks like Kim Taehyung. If I walk into Korea, no one looks like him. He so beautiful and unique." I think she hit the nail in the head personally lol

no warnings

Charity. What a peasant's word. Taehyung has never felt so low in his entire life.

To think he would be subject to such impoverished people in this way. What business does a prince have being in a place like this?

He doesn't dare look too closely at the frosted windows or he might notice they're nothing but plastered wallpaper on glass. And don't even get him started on the steamers wrapped around the hollow pillars outside. He's nothing short of embarrassed for the person in charge of this travesty.

If he had a choice, of course he wouldn't have made an appearance.

"It's good for your subjects to see you interacting at events they deem important. Your kingdom will be as faithful to you as you are to it."

That stupid advisor manhandling Taehyung's valuable time and deciding that this is the best use for it. What absolutely folly! He would much more useful discussing the best course of financial action in the next quarter, or how the troups in the East should be redirected. Decisions of importance --- not this pitiful excuse for a ball.

"Are you interested in helping the children?"

A soft but eager voice is behind him now, awakening Taehyung to the realization that he's been staring at some random poster for the last god knows how long.

It's covered in pitiful looking kids, dirty and sad. Taehyung understands what kind of emotional response it's supposed to ignite in his gut, and while he doesn't feel an ounce of sympathy for the little maggots, he's been taught how to put on a pleasing face since he could sit up.

"Oh, those poor angels. It breaks my heart seeing them be abandoned and mistreated like that. What kind of monster would do that to a helpless child? It's unforgivable."

His performance is immaculate and convincing, voice lightly broken and eyes damp with pseudo tears.

You appear by his side, inducing Taehyung's response to look at your profile, the first sight to actually catch his genuine attention since the night started.

He knows you. At least, he's seen you before. How could anyone forget that nose, those eyes, those lips. Your features are nothing short of illustrious.

You caught the eye of at least three lords last April, under the moonlight. You attending the Midnight Masquerade Dance in a shimmering gown and held a bejeweled mask against your face. He remembers the image clearly, the way your dress hugged your curves and the halter top emphasized your neck.

He also specifically remembers you rejecting his offer to dance.

But now you're here? Why the hell here, of all places? You should be dining with kings, dancing with dukes. While Taehyung doesn't remember your name or title exactly, he remembers the level of respect you demanded when you walked into the room, and how it struck him.

"Are you interested in giving to help these children? Even a little could help save one of their lives."

Taehyung is awestruck by you. So much so, he can't seem to keep up his act. In an instant, his concerned brow is replaced with a cocky smirk and greedy tongue.

"What do I get in return?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You heard me. What's my reward for doing this great deed?"

You blink, clearly caught off guard by his pompous question. "I suppose the reward is knowing you helped save a life. Isn't that enough?"

"No," Taehyung says blatantly.

"What kind of reward were you expecting?"

"A dance."

"A dance?"

Taehyung chuckles, flapping the tails of his coat behind himself. "Yes, that's what I said."

While you're not exactly here to dance, you suppose there is a volunteer band and some open space on the floor. It wouldn't be out of the question, although you question what a dance has to do with saving abandoned children.

"Fine."

Taehyung immediately sweeps you into the middle of the floor, his large hand pressing against your lower back to pull you closer, the other hand holding yours tightly.

"You fascinate me."

"Excuse me?" You barely manages to keep from stuttering. Not only is his statement abrupt but his tone makes you suddenly very nervous.

"You could be dancing with princes like me on a nightly basis, and yet, you're here of all places. Tell me, why is that?"

You sigh and adjust in his arms, allowing him to lead for the most part. "First, you tell me why you're here."

"Isn't it obvious? I came for you, baby."

You knew Taehyung had a reputation for flirting and you happened to know he had a small infatuation with you since the masquerade. But despite this sharp jawline, perfect hair, and ridiculously beautiful eyes, you just can't let yourself fall for someone so small minded and uncaring.

"The real reason you're here."

"Fine. I was forced."

"Forced?"

"Yes."

"Then," you say slowly, "you did not intend...you didn't want to...you have no interest in any of these charities?"

He scoffs, "Why would I? There are much more important matters at hand within this country, matters that actually affect the present and future."

"You're wrong," you spit back at him, your dance picking up pace, "the people are this country's present and future, and the royal family doesn't spend any time caring for them like they should. You really want to know why I'm here instead of spending weekends in the palace?"

"That's why I asked." What a smartass.

"I'm here because you're not. I'm here because the royal family is nothing but a pen of spoiled, indifferent pigs who can't even see the sickness in their own country."

Taehyung thrusts you away from him, watching you stumble from his arms. "You dare to speak this way when you know who I am?"

"I dare to speak this way because I know who you are, Prince Taehyung." You step closer again despite his orders to stay back. "Look around. Your country is dying from the inside out...and you don't even see it."

Taehyung can feel each of your words like a slap across his cheeks, stinging red and punishable. He's just about had enough of you...but then his eyes travel around the room.

He sees the frosted windows, the streamers on hollow pillars outside, the number of poorly designed posters, the overall desperate and trashy excuse for an aesthetic. The people attending this event aren't any better. They're wrapped in clothes too damaged to protect them, some of them without shoes, most of them without coats. And yet, they're here of all places, offering what little they have in support of those less fortunate.

Taehyung remembers being born holding a golden spoon, while some here don't even have a bowl to eat from.

You sigh, bringing his attention back to you. He has to hold his breath.

"If you're not here for the right reasons, you should just leave. I have more important things to do than dance with you."

With that, you're gone, his hand following behind you as you disappear into a surrounding crowd.

But then something miraculous happens. Over the next several weeks, large sums of donations are made, some in cash but many in the form of clothes or other necessities. You're finally able to make a difference with the amount of supplies and money coming in, and while you have an idea of where it might have all come from, it sounds too good to be true.

There's no way.

It's over two months later when you see him again. He's dressed in slacks and a t-shirt and most surprisingly, a smile. A real one; it's boxy and cute and happy. You've never seen him so happy actually. There's something almost hypnotic about the way he smiles now.

You consider approaching him first, but for some reason you're becoming quite nervous watching him from afar. There's something different about him, something...genuine. It makes your heart flutter and your brain short-circuit.

Turns out you don't have to go to him, because Taehyung runs to you as soon as he catches your eye from across the room.

"Hey."

"Hi," you shyly respond, feeling rather small next to his height and excited expression.

"___."

"You know my name?"

He shrugs. "I asked around for it. I supposed I should be able to thank you by name the next time I got the opportunity to speak with you. Properly."

His words makes you blush, something you never expected Prince Taehyung to be capable of considering his character. But his character has changed now. Who he is feels different just in the way he stands and speaks to you; it feels better...and it makes you shyer.

"Thank you, ___," he says with a breathy sigh, as if he's been holding those words in for months, "For everything."

"It was my pleasure."

He bounces in place, hand flexing by his side until he finally gets the nerve to offer it to you.

"Umm, I know this may be sudden and strange but, I've waited two months to ask you to dance again. And I'd be awfully dejected should you refuse."

::

color me red | jungkook

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: college au | fluff

word count: 1.5k

warning/s: profanity.

summary: You hate Jeon Jungkook but who are you trying to fool?

Part of BTSGhostieMarathon (Dialogue #2)

masterlist

all rights reserved © vantaenims - do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

--

“Your handwriting is so small”, Jungkook squinted his eyes as he brought his head down towards your binder, “I think I need a magnifying glass to make out the words.”

You sigh, “Do you want my notes or not?”

“I’m just saying”, Jungkook teased with that annoying smile of his despite the deadly glares you’re throwing at him.

“Then i guess you don’t need it” you grabbed your binder away from him but curse Jungkook’s fast reflexes because next thing you know, Jungkook had your binder behind his back but bad for him, you’re not in the mood to play his silly games, “Jungkook”, you warned.

“Alright but i do need your notes so i could photocopy it”

“As if you’re actually going to read it” you scoffed as you went back to read your textbook.

Jungkook smiled, ignoring your statement as he stood up from his seat to walk around the table, sitting himself down to the seat next to yours so he could wrap his arm around your shoulders to squeeze you into his side.

“I’ll be back real quick, don’t want you to wait too long”

“Go away” you made a face as you shrugged his arms off of you, making Jungkook chuckle.

You look away from your textbook for a moment just so you could take a glance at Jungkook who’s currently walking himself out of the cafe and once you’re sure that he’s out of sight, you squeezed your eyes shut as you let your head fall on top of your textbook, groaning to yourself.

You hate Jeon Jungkook.

It was during the first day of the semester when you first met Jungkook. The whole class went silent as he entered the room, meekly apologizing for being late but you were too busy writing down your notes to take a look at who it was.

“Do you mind if i sit here?” you looked up from your notes and you could now understand why the room fell silent.

Jungkook is fairly attractive and you won’t deny that you’ve been swooned by those good looks of his as you immediately nodded your head, allowing him to take the seat next to yours but looking back now, you wished you didn’t say yes if you only knew how troublesome he was going to be.

As the semester went on, you’ve come to learn to look past his looks and make him out to be the annoying seatmate that constantly chats you up in between lectures and an airhead that kicks your chair to beg you for answers during exams.

You hate Jeon Jungkook.

Sighing, you leaned back on your chair as you thought of how stupid and pointless it is to repeat those words in your head because for all you know, Jungkook is the one responsible for putting those unwanted butterflies on your stomach you've been getting for a while now.

“Miss me?”

“No”, you firmly said.

“I got you this” Jungkook placed down a plate of cinnamon swirl right beside your textbook but you just pushed it back across him as you tried to act uninterested.

“Thanks but I already ate”

“Iced Americano isn’t a meal”

You eyed him suspiciously, “Don’t act like you actually care for me.”

“And if i do?”

You blinked at him as you try to decipher if he’s just shitting with you or if he does actually care about you but this is Jungkook you’re talking about, so it has to be the former, right?

“I know you’re just sucking up to me because the finals are next week” you stated as a matter of fact.

“I’ve been studying” Jungkook defended himself.

“What do you know about studying, Jungkook?”

“Ooh that’s harsh”, Jungkook clutched his shirt right above his chest where his heart resides as he feigned a pain expression, “Why do you think I always come here in this cafe?”

Well, that’s one thing you’re curious to know because ever since Jungkook coincidentally spotted you here and invited himself over your table three months ago, you know you’re done for. Specially, when he made it a habit to come here often and eventually made himself as your study partner that you did not ask for.

“I don’t know? So you could possibly annoy me even more?”

“You make studying more bearable.”

You snorted at his cheesy reply, “Yeah, it’s thanks to my notes, right?”

For a smart girl like you, Jungkook thinks you’re quite dense when it comes to things like this or were you just purposefully trying to reject his advances? It’s not like he could blame you, he’s totally aware that he incorporated a bad impression on you.

“Look, why don’t you try to eat just a little bit? I’m not trying to insult you or anything but you seem tired”, Jungkook said with pure concern written on his face.

“Fine then, if it’ll get you to shut up”, you cut yourself a big piece as you shoved it into your mouth until you were able to catch on the last part of his sentence, growing conscious all of a sudden, “I haven’t slept in 3 days. Is it that obvious?”, you whispered as you observed your appearance from your front camera.

“Well, that explains why you’re grumpier than usual”

You don’t look too menacing when you’re glaring at him with your cheeks full, making Jungkook smile at how silly and adorable you look but he was quick to purse his lips as he went on to do a motion of zipping his mouth, choosing to play it safe with you.

With Jungkook silent, you were able to read your textbook in peace but you find yourself glancing at Jungkook from time to time and you’ve never seen him this serious about his studies until now. Jungkook had his brows furrowed in concentration as he reads your photocopied notes whilst having the end of his pen stuck in between his teeth to chew.

You were unaware that Jungkook caught you looking at him until a sly smile appeared on his face, prompting you to look away as you shove another piece of cinnamon into your mouth to mask your embarrassment.

“I’ve been meaning to ask but what do these colors mean?” Jungkook referred to your color-coded notes.

“Why’d you ask? You don’t seem to be bothered by it before” you said with your mouth full as you try not to make eye contact with him.

“I told you, I’ve been studying”, Jungkook said, “But i mainly just want to know more about you.”

You choked on your cinnamon as soon as you heard those words and you think you’ll be dead in no time if Jungkook persists to act like this towards you. Nonetheless, you kept your composure as you took a sip of your Iced Americano before explaining to him what every color in your notes signifies.

“Red can be easily spotted among the other colors so i used it for terminologies since they’re very important, Blue is for the key words, Yellow is for the classification, and Green is for enumerations. Now, can you go back to being quiet?”

Jungkook momentarily kept his eyes on you with a smile on his face before he went back to read and you’re just grateful he never mentioned the part where he caught you looking at him. Instead, he did as told to remain silent but it was not for long until he called your attention once more.

“I have a question”

“I’m sure you could just search it up on the internet” you dismissed him as you’re too busy highlighting down your notes.

“No, you’re the only one who has the answer to this”

“I told you-”, you were cut off when Jungkook suddenly grabbed your hand to have you draw a red colored crooked line down his palm, “Why did you do that?”

“Am I important now for you to listen?” Jungkook raised his brows as he waited for you to speak.

You sigh at his wit, “What is it?”

Jungkook’s hand flew right back to his nape as he fidgeted with his hair whilst he tried to look elsewhere but you. From his actions alone, you could tell that he was acting nervous and shy though you’d like to know why his cheeks are getting redder by the second.

“I like you”, Jungkook blurted out, catching you off guard at his sudden confession, more so when he removed the red marker from your hand so he could replace it instead with his hand.

You could feel your heart hammering so loud and you were scared that Jungkook might be able to notice your quickening pulse through your wrist thus you tried to shake his hand away from yours but that just prompted him to squeeze your hand tighter.

“T-That’s not a question”, you stammered.

“Then will you go out with me?”

You roll your eyes as you try to bite back a smile, “Shut up.”

--

i'm not your problem anymore, you're not in town anymore.

ex!taehyung finds you in the crowded hall, his world coming to a standstill, his ears ringing at the sight of you. the rest is a blur as he pushes past bustling wedding-goers, finding you to slip away yet again, like the last time.

it took him five minutes to find you in your mutual friend's wedding. took him five minutes to register in his mind that it was you after all, leaving behind the glass of champagne his nimble yet fidgety hands were holding. just like how it took you five minutes to sit him down. took you five minutes to tell him you were done with his ways, packing up and leaving him behind, reeling from the fact that he destroyed the proudest feather he had put on his cap. after all, it was a feather.

his sleek eyes trace you and harden at the tattooed hand gently perched on your waist. your lithe hand placed on his shoulder, laughing at his mischievous ways.

fiancé!jungkook tucks a piece of hair behind your ear, fishing out a hair tie from your beloved chanel vanity purse, offering to tie your hair. you accept gladly, turning so he could do the same, bragging to your friends about how you don't need to go the salon, that you have a personal stylist at home. jungkook pulls you close, joining you in your antics, much to your delight.

you feel eyes staring at your head, boring holes into it. and you know exactly who it is. seeing your delighted features drop, jungkook excuses the both of you, gently ushering your smaller frame to a table. he follows your gaze and you can feel his hands on your waist turning into hard fists. he shifts his gaze back onto you, a forehead kiss and distracting you with the appetizers, he glances back at the man who broke your heart five years ago.

in his defense, which seems utterly pathetic now, taehyung claims to have not seen your signs. when you made it obvious, he brushed it aside, saying he was tired. he sips his champagne, its bitter taste matching his bitter regrets of not changing the ending, like how you tried so desperately.

you've seen these films before, unfortunately. in friendships, in relationships. you don't know when it happened, when it started. his once warm and comforting eyes turned into biting cold ones, staring down at you whenever you tried to do something remotely out of line. you never liked these endings but you liked him. so you did something you've never done for anyone else. forcing your way through the thorny forest, not minding the deep cuts which opened old wounds. when taehyung made his impassivity obvious, you didn't relent, instead you tried harder. he was slowly leaving your town which you had worked so hard to build, just for him so you had nothing to do but condemn him to exile.

taehyung can remember it clear as crystal, the way you had said everything softly, like it was supposed to soothe him. you said it so confidently, saying that you found happiness in him but you'll find happiness after him. your small bag was taken and you were out, door closed gently. he can't accept the ruthless fact, whipping the door open and following you out into the imminent storm.

he had never seen you so angry and sad before, your words lashing at him like the lightning cracking the sky open, its tears falling on his that he can't differentiate between his lachrymose eyes and the sky. he can still remember the way you were holding yourself back, eyes roaring with emotions he hadn't seen before. you looked at him through wet lashes, the distinct whisper of, "you never saw the signs, so many signs," and his helpless "you're not hearing me out," had your eyes of empathy turn into ones of alien apathy.

those same eyes add salt into his wounds now, hand protectively placed over jungkook's broad shoulders as if to say, "i found my happiness." your eyes turn into stars, supernovas bursting at the sight of your fiancé, mindlessly fiddling with the sliver & diamond band on your left ring finger, both of you blushing at the continuous compliments.

shoulders slumping, he places his empty glass on the table, eyes unconsciously falling on you again. you're about to turn back to look at him, adding fuel to the fire but interrupted by jungkook's gentle pushing into the dance floor. in a matter of zeptoseconds, he's got you into this giggly mess, swaying and twirling you around, effectively pushing away anything bothering you permanently. hunched shoulders brushes past bustling wedding-goers. when it transitions into a slow song, jungkook perches his chin on your head, holding you as if he's shielding you. he would be lying if he said it didn't crack his heart a little, watching his former best friend walk out.

we both know how this film ends, this mean exile.