Song: Dont Wanna Cry - Seventeen

Song: Don’t wanna cry - Seventeen

Member - Joshua 🥺

FEMME-READER | ANGST

Wc: 2.1k+

Taglist: @pastel-princess-please @kiki-woo @fishsquishh

Don’t Wanna Cry

The line went straight voicemail this time, the familiar “Hey, it’s Joshuaaa! You know what to do-“ was another nail in his coffin after ringing him so many times you’d lost count. This was the first time in your relationship that he’d ever pushed you this far. Your worry turned to frustration and frustration to anger when none of the guys would answer their phones either.

It wasn’t until after four in the morning they finally stumbled in, booze drenching their clothing and lingering in their breath.

Joshua wasn’t a heavy drinker, or at least he hadn’t been. If anything, you were scared seeing this patient man make such a mess of himself.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol roll through the door, almost literally with Joshua hung over each of their shoulders. It was common to see maybe Jeonghan between them or another member, but even they were surprised that Joshua was the one being dumped on the couch in a lazed fit of drunken laughter. Their poor maknae, standing in the doorway, was the only one sober enough to have a proper conversation with you.

“I’m really sorry, y/n”, Chan laughed nervously, glancing between his Hyungs on the couch and your disapproving eyes, “We shouldn’t have been egging him on but-“ he trailed off.

“Oh!”, scrambling and pulling out the contents of his pocket, a few crumpled bills falling from one onto the floor before finally retrieving the sleek, silver rectangle.

“His phone, yea…”, Chan places it in your hand and peeks over his shoulder again to find Jeonghan flirting with Joshua as usual, half asleep and trying to take his clothes off on your sofa while Seungcheol looked anywhere and everywhere but your direction next to them.

“Okay, boys! Out!”

A pouty Jeonghan is tugged out the door by an apologetic Seungcheol while Dino tugged his arm, helping him to his feet. Huffing, Jeonghan put out his arms insisting their precious dongsaeng help him too, as if he didn’t already have his hands full.

Once they were out the door, it was just you and your drunk of a boyfriend. Standing against the counter, staring at him from across the room, he really didn’t seem to grasp the situation at all.

“Hey, baby.”, he kissed the air in your direction, giving you a terrible attempt at winking before burping grotesquely.

“What, you think this is funny?”, you seethed, any worry you had for him stomped on by his aloof behavior.

Giggling he sighed and lay down on the couch to look at you.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?“

“Mm- yeah!”, shaking his head and pressing his lips firm, he sat up, giving you a solemn expression as he locked his fingers together, pointing his index fingers at you, “time for you to kiss me~”

Losing it in a fit of giggles again, Joshua fell back against the couch, his body lax and heavy.

“I have never seen you this drunk, this many times in a row. Three times THIS WEEK, Joshua!”, though it wouldn’t help and he’d probably forget everything by morning, you’d had enough.

“And for what? I understand you’re celebrating, having a good time. But I heard how much you were drinking over tour. And now? I’m worried, Jisoo.”

Sighing deeply, he stared at you in silence, eyes narrowing before he finally responded, “I know. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?? Why are you doing this? I don’t understand what’s going on with you and you won’t even talk to me.”, a stirring pot of your emotions was the only thing keeping you from crying; fearful, angry, heartbroken and ultimately done.

“I’m just trying to have fun. You know how hard we’ve worked for everything…”, he mumbled, his limp body sinking into the couch.

“Fun? I’ve never seen you like this. What are you doing to yourself? You can’t think this is-”

A snorted laughter cut you short, as if disregarding you completely.

“Did you not hear me?? Y/n, you said it yourself. We’re celebrating! This is normal here. You should have never come to Korea if you couldn’t handle it.”

That hurt you.

As he rolled onto his back he brought his feet into the couch and covered his eyes as if preparing to sleep, you couldn’t say anything. You just walked away and left the drunk to figure his shit out on the sofa.

The moment it’d passed his lips the line between his brow creased deeply as he played those words again in his head. Even when he wasn’t all there, Joshua was anything but a mean-hearted man. Even in his drunken state, he wallowed in his regret and inability to think of what he could possibly say to take it back. Moving his hands he only saw your back as you disappeared into your bedroom.

“Babe. Y/n, wait. Shi-“, he fell from the sofa, knocking everything from that corner of the coffee table including a clear vase that had been filled with layered, dyed sand of blues and cream.

The floodgates burst and his tears poured out just as the sand had as his knees numbly thudded on the floor. Feeling the grainy, colored sand against his palms he tried his best to separate the colors, he took a breath, scooping it up with his shaky hands. The first time sand pours over the sod of his hands, colors mixing as he failed to transfer it back into the vase, it felt as if he lost control of his emotions too. Or at least the ability to keep them under wraps, to keep calm and cool like he always had.

Another shaky, trembling breath as he exhaled through his nose, wiped his tears on the back of his wrist, trying to swallow them as he tried once again to separate the colors.

“No…”, he cried almost silently when it slips through the cracks of his quivering fingers, “…noo!”, he sobbed, try so hard to fix it, moving all the into a pile, breaking and sobbing harder as all the colors mixed together against his will.

When you heard the sound, it was one you weren’t familiar with. One that took a moment to process but made your heart thud with panic either way. Of course, there were the few times your little one had cried when he was sick, running a fever or stressed beyond imagination but you could count them on one hand. Your own tears had just subsided but a new alertness sparked through your limbs, moving you forward. No matter the situation, your heart would never allow your little Shua to hurt alone.

“Jisoo, what happened?”

Taking in the scene you kneeled at his side. It seemed he stumbled in his drunkenness and knocked the sand over. A mess, something that seemed so trivial was never something he’d ever cry over and try so desperately hard to fix as if the very earth he soaked with his tears depended on it.

“Baby…”, you whispered, reaching for his hand but he shook it off, pouring the sand he’d managed to scoop up into the vase before going for more, only making the mess worse in the process, “…Shua.”

“Joshua! Honey, stop it!”, you hadn’t meant to raise your voice but he was stuck in his head even as you’d pulled him against his chest he whined and cried, fighting your hold to get back to the mess he’d made.

“Have to fix it!!”, he spoke in wails,” lemme go-o!”

“It’s okay! Leave it, Jisoo.”, you whispered, holding him close until he stopped fighting, breathing heavily against you, slumped on the floor. After a moment, you stopped the purposeful ministrations, cooing and calming him.

“Baby… we have to talk about this. I know it’s hard but this has gotten out of hand.”, you never wanted to push him or pressure him to talk to you but the conversation had turned into an intervention. Damn you to hell if you were going to sit there and let him do this to himself.

Rubbing his back again, you listened to his ragged breathing hitching in his chest as he tried to stop them, “What’s going through your head, Joshua, Baby? What’s causing all these big feelings?”

Leaning into you further, he shook his head, whining and pleading. Whether it was too much or he just didn’t want to talk about it, you weren’t sure that was an option anymore.

“I know it feels like too much, doesn’t it? I promise it’ll feel better, Honey. Just talk to me, please.”, the desperation in your voice was screaming through your hushed tone. Joshua didn’t deserve anything that would put him through this much pain.

“Noo!”, the end of the waterworks was short-lived as he burst into tears again, sitting up and pulling from your arms, scooting away until his hands met with the sand again,” stop it!!”

“Stop what?? Please talk to me, Shua. I hate seeing you go through this alone.”, your eyes burned as your held back your own pained and bitter, salty tears.

“You’re gonna make me cry!!”, Joshua yelled his frustrations, rubbing his eyes, trying to pull himself from his regression, ultimately failing as his tears continued to roll freely down his face.

“It’s okay to cry, baby... Crying will make it feel better and I’m-“

“No!! Don’t wanna cry anymore!!”, he sobbed, his voice becoming weak, far too tired to continue with this fight. He let you hold him again but this time you waited until the room was silent and his breathing was calm again.

“I’m sorry…”, he spoke up, leaning into your fingers in his hair.

“I know.”

“We worked so hard to get this far. I… worked so hard. But-“, his voice cracked, he never saw these feelings coming and he’d never be ready to voice them after all the hardship Seventeen had fought through to make it to where they were. Sitting him up, you wiped away any stray tears that hadn’t dried, caressing his face with a nod, encouraging him to continue.

“- mommy I just want to be with you. I-“, he took a moment to collect himself. His emotions dragging him, making his heart ache and call out for you, but he needed to be big to get this out.

“I’m not saying I don’t want this life anymore. It’s our life. I’m just… tired. I don’t want to drink anymore. I don’t want to leave anymore. I don't want to be without you anymore…”, finally he got it all out. Maybe he needed a break, some time. It had been months since he’d been home with you longer than a week. Schedule after schedule you watched him go from his usual positive and patient self that he’d worked so hard to find, to torn down, tired and drinking to cope with the never-ending stress. They deserved to celebrate, they did. But Joshua had lost sight of what they were celebrating for.

“They’ll understand-“

“No, they won’t! I’m a Hyung! YOU don’t understand.”, he spewed hurtful words, tearing through and from you again he began to stand, only stopping when you caught his hand.

“You’re right. I don’t. But I understand that they’re your family. And they love you just like I love you. That’s how I know they’ll understand if you just tell them how you feel…”, gently, you tried to pull him back to you, your tears finally escaping when he stood in his place.

“Mommy, no no no. No cry.”, he whimpered, falling to his knees in front of you to clumsily wipe away your tears, blinking away newly fallen tears of his own. Never had you seen Joshua cry so much, not in all the time you’d known him.

“How can I not cry when my baby is crying and dealing with so much all on his own, huh?”, you gave a short laugh, cupping his cheeks, shaking his head with yours. Both of you had given all you could give, exhaustion taking over but somehow his tears kept coming. How long had he been holding them in, his mind waging war on itself with no one? It was too big, too much to tell you, his best friends, his family. But finally, he could cry.

Bringing him to bed, you pulled him into your arms fitting to the curve of his body, his special blankie in his, close to his heart. Rising and falling against his back, your chest against him calmed his breathing, pacing it with yours until his tears dried down to sleepy sniffles.

“I’m always here, Joshie. You know that, right?”, you whispered, shifting so he could roll over to lay his head on your chest. Nodding against you slowly, he waited patiently for your hand to rest on his head and stroke his hair like it always did.

“How about we talk about it tomorrow?”

🧸Endnote: thank you so much for requesting! I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get to >< any feedback I would enjoy greatly!!! Unfortunately, tumblr won’t allow me to add the song to the post >:(. As for Joshua, the thoughts and behaviors of his character in this fic do not necessarily reflect his thoughts and behavior irl!! This is a fictional scenario! thank you everyone for your support!! We are almost at 100 followers! I hope you like it!! ~ 🐶🐰🍓

🧸Masterlist🧸

Hey y’all I don’t know if y’all know this but I actually have a series of books on wattpad if y’all wanna real then they feature tiktokers, Kardashian-Jenners, Jack Duff, Sonny Robertson, Rye Beaumont and HRVY

I’m always up for suggestions and there’s always polls and stuff so it’s up to you!

I’m also thinking of writing a K-pop book soon as well so if you have any suggestion put them in the comment!

If y’all want I can post them here but if you wanna read them then I suggest:

The wrong group chat 🤷🏻‍♀️

https://www.wattpad.com/story/191255198?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=hiwhatsuphello19&wp_originator=oMizeSh885zjnzWnljPp09aCsIiAfyVJ5dKc2QIskJwNfQe9AjRs%2B2zOlZm6URYLDgUvJ6MUMVz5uvXixg5jXCAsH3ASu8CBcg48vcUBaoSm8Fnv88Wlb9cAYArPZf%2BN

Wattpad

The Wrong Group Chat 🤷🏻‍♀️

You have been added to the RTTV boys, Jack, Mikey and Harvey group chat and will you find the brother you have been loo...

Then read the Our Life as Stars ⭐️ as it’s the sequel to the wrong group chat

https://www.wattpad.com/story/281052574?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=hiwhatsuphello19&wp_originator=Pm1qCu9xemnWqlKbTQDXjxpb9mn3ugqyywdFb1Nae13RIDCvTTKmkzW%2FaDpjeyI%2BeDKSYuFqHdOzgXHKnsR6ZKcheNclcT1AN%2FLbswztKtmHO3bkHUsycr4x7BbiEsDE

Wattpad

Our Life as Stars ⭐️

⚠️⚠️ on hold due to incident ⚠️⚠️ Sequel to The Wrong Groupchat 🤷🏻‍♀️ Follow the lives of Rachael and Jack's kids:Bry...

Then Being Harvey Cantwell’s Twin sister as some of the characters come up in this book

https://www.wattpad.com/story/177760864?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=hiwhatsuphello19&wp_originator=DFRsFn7uZb5QdEl2VK8bwre4RZm%2BqRmWZQ0D3YKjaLD4KbdsypQHvHqe5UUVZOuijrEkLYAGxiObNa4zSXV14yZycZGKn0i%2B7%2B%2BbAWGmobAU6jLzCqdKSQtUUbrVeLgM

Wattpad

Being Harvey Cantwell's Twin Sister ft RoadTrip, Mikey, HRVY, Jack and Shawn ❤️

(Fake story) Meet Harmony Cantwell and watch her journey as she grows as a person and a star 🌟 Including Harvey Cantw...

Announcement

We are at 33 followers already! When we hit 50 I’ll open my requests for ONE day. You can choose any song (kpop might be better but really any will do) and any SVT member and I will write a fic for you based on that! I’ll use a randomizer to select which THREE lucky requests I will take based on number I receive!

P.s. anyone hit up our asks at any time! I’d love to chat with you all and get to know my anonies or chat with my lovely followers from here or @littletxt !!

~🐶🐰🍓

#littlesvtgiveaway

Vocal Unit Masterlist

Full story📓(800+ WC)

Drabble 🍼 (300-800 WC)

HC 🧸

Series 🎀

Soft thoughts ☁️(less than 300 words)

Reader sorting

🌸fem reader

🌼g/n reader

🌻masc reader

♡ OT5 ♡

🎀Calling vocal unit “daddy/dada/appa (other)” for the first time🌸🌼

🧸 Vocal Unit as Holiday prompts 🎄🌸🌼

🧃Come back later…

♡ Jeonghan♡

🍼Hi High|Caregiver!Jeonghan💜🌼

🍼Adore U|Caregiver!Jeonghan💜🌸

📓 Falling for U|Caregiver!reader x Little!Jeonghan x Caregiver!Joshua💜💗🌸 Pt.1 | Pt.2 (coming soon)

🧃Come back later…

♡ Joshua ♡

☁️ “Ahh~”|Caregiver!Joshua x little!Hoshi💗🧡

📓Say so|Caregiver!reader x Little!Joshua💗🌼

📓Don’t Wanna Cry|Caregiver!reader x Little!Joshua💗🌸

🧃Come back later…

♡ Woozi ♡

🧃Come back later…

♡ DK ♡

🍼Cheer Up|Caregiver!Seokmin💙🌼

🍼Hot Summer|Caregiver!reader x Little!Seokmin💙🌸

🍼Bubble Pop!|Caregiver!reader x Little!Seokmin 💙🌸

🧃Come back later…

♡ Seungkwan ♡

🧃Come back later…

Hi guys. I’m considering closing littletxt since I don’t get a lot of interactions anymore. Lots of new accounts are taking over the scene for everyone to enjoy so you can look forward to those. I miss my anons and I worked hard here. I’m thankful for all of you. I can’t lie. The lack of interactions is discouraging but I just don’t enjoy writing for txt as much as I used to, especially when there seems to be no fruit from it. I truly appreciate all the support I’ve received as we approach 1 year. I think I’ll wait until then before deciding.

I have answered another ask on this

Everyone look at this man and his apple hair. He’s just a baby. Just a little baby. Leave me alone I’m crying now.