Hes So Hot (cr. Yoongi-bts)

he’s so hot (cr. yoongi-bts)

Oh my! This combines two of my biggest obsessions in one - Regency romance and BTS. I absolutely love Yoongi as the Darcy like figure. Because he totally IS a Darcy. Super accurate. And the characters are fleshed out really effectively. They aren’t 2D and lifeless, but interesting and multifarious. I definitely expected Jimin to confess to Ms. Jeon though and why did I feel like Areum is meant for JK? That’s just me adding drama probably. Lol.

Anyway, loved this. Really really loved it! And good sweet story to distract me from the complications of real life!

andante cantabile: coda || MYG x reader

pairing: myg x f!reader

genre: historical / regency au, fluff, smut

rating: 18+ / explicit

wc: 3.8k

summary: Min Yoongi is dedicated to his craft, to the point of overworking himself. You have your own ways of ensuring he takes a break.

story warnings: pianist!yoongi, jane austen rip-off (but make it saucy), established relationship, so so so fluffy

smut warnings: feelsy soft vanilla smut, cunnilingus, multiple orgasms, mc has a thing about yoongi's hands because of course, the inherent intimacy of being undressed by your partner, unprotected sex

note: is it an epilogue is it just a smutty follow-up is there a technical difference does ANYONE really care about what we're calling it? here is the smut yall 💖

(works as a stand-alone even if you haven't read the rest of the story)

masterlist: 1 | 2 | 3 | coda

Would you ever tire of hearing your husband play?

You hoped not. You most certainly were not today, the corners of your lips rising in an unbidden smile at the sound and sight of Yoongi behind the pianoforte.

The last sunlight of the day bathed him in a warm light contrasted by deep shadows, the window behind him providing a backdrop of a sky painted in pinks and golds. His brow furrowed in concentration while he made his way through a fast passage, a prestissimo that daunted you just to hear it. Yet every note retained a lightness, lifting your spirits.

Overcome by the sudden desire to be close, you left your vantage point at the doorway, making a careful approach to not disturb his focus. You ushered away the servant who had been turning the sheets of music and took his place, then quietly signalled him to leave the drawing room. You wanted your husband all to yourself.

Except you did not quite have him right now, not really.

Yoongi never faltered during the small disruption, his full attention on his rehearsal. He had a habit of losing himself in the music, whether he was practising or composing. Losing awareness of his surroundings and the passage of time. Doubtlessly, he had no realisation of how late it had gotten, and he began to worry you.

His passion and dedication to his craft were a credit to him, but only to a point. As far as you were concerned, that point had been reached today. Still, you quietly turned the pages for him, waiting for him to finish before you launched your intervention.

He only made it apparent that he had noticed you when his shoulder brushed against yours as he went through the final cadence, the move too deliberate to be accidental. The notes died down but he did not look at you, pressing a little firmer against you instead.

Good, for this way he could not see the mischievous smile as you removed your gloves, preparing for a little deliberation of your own. Fingers brushed over his hand, tracing a vein. Ever since you first saw his bare hands you had developed a bit of an obsession; large but delicate and so very beautiful. You rested your head on his shoulder, seeking out the glow of his sun-warmed body while you continued your lazy caresses.

His fingers twitched under your touch, but Yoongi did not retreat. Instead he let out a contented sigh, surrendering himself to your affections. “I must continue practise,” he murmured, but it was a feeble protest, unconvincing to either of you.

“Must you?”

He chuckled tiredly, and the shake of his shoulders made you lift your head.

“You have been working hard all day.” You cupped his cheek and guided him to face you directly, giving you full sight of the darkening shadows under his eyes. “Is it not time to rest? I miss you.”

If a touch of guilt was required to persuade him away from work, you would provide.

“Hm. Are you implying I have been neglecting you? What a troublesome wife,” he said, but the way he leaned into your touch belied his words, eyes closing in bliss.

You huffed. “I would argue you have been neglecting yourself.”

His eyes fluttered open, long lashes brushing against his cheeks. You welcomed the trap of his intense gaze, gladly allowing yourself to be pulled into the warmth of his dark eyes. Silence fell, but you knew your husband well enough to know he was considering your words honestly.

“Perhaps,” he conceded, then laughed when he saw the surge of triumph on your face. He knew his wife well enough to know how much you loved to win—and you counted this as a victory.

Still chuckling fondly, Yoongi cradled the back of your head. He tugged you closer, leading you into a grateful kiss. You gave into him, to the tongue playing against your bottom lip. While he was not always the most overt with his affections, it only served to increase the impact when he did show them. Even now the simple glide of his tongue against yours threatened to overwhelm you.

You made a soft noise against his mouth, your fingers sliding into his hair to anchor yourself as heat blossomed in your core. Fully aware of the effect he had on you, his expression was almost smug when he pulled away. Almost, if not for the unadulterated adoration shining through, a lingering hint of disbelief tugging at his features at the knowledge he could kiss you like this.

“I suppose I could take a break,” he said, his voice a low rumble.

“Perhaps some reading?” you proposed, careful to maintain a neutral expression as you suggested the innocuous activity. Your thumb slowly brushed across his knuckles.

Shaking his head, Yoongi made a sound that could be either a laugh or a sigh of exasperation. He pressed a tender kiss on the corner of your mouth, then further along your jawline. “Nothing else you had in mind?” he breathed by your ear, raising the little hairs on your neck.

“Oh? Unsatisfied with my suggestion?” you laughed, then tapped your finger to your lips as though deep in thought. “No, of course you are absolutely right,” you said. “It is getting late, we should turn to bed instead.”

Abruptly you rose from your seat, tugging on Yoongi’s hand as you stood up. Taken unawares by your sudden movement, he let you pull him on his feet, but his surprise quickly transformed into a wide smile. Your heart softened at his exposed gums, and you could not resist pressing a swift kiss on his cheek before you led him out of the drawing room.

However, Yoongi quickly took charge, his hand squeezing yours as he pulled you along with an urgency in his step.

You raised an eyebrow, though you could not deny the excitement that coursed through you. “Just what do you have planned, Mr. Min?”

He scowled at the formal address, but there was no power behind the surly look, his eyes filled with a tenderness contrary to his intentions. He drew you into the bedroom with express purpose, and never had the click of the door been louder.

Standing behind you, Yoongi curled his fingers around your waist while he pressed featherlight kisses up the column of your neck. His nose brushed over your skin, his quiet breath scorching. You let out a soft sigh of want, leaning back against him while you gathered your skirts for easy lifting.

Yet Yoongi pried your hands away, nuzzling into the crook of your shoulder, unbothered by the chemise separating him from you. You turned your head in confusion; you could feel how affected he was, why the delay? “Yoongi, what are you–”

A pout drew over his lips and he nipped at you through the thin fabric, a gentle pinch that silenced your questioning. “I want to take my time with you,” he said, voice coarse. “Let me do this.”

You wanted to ask what, but he answered you when his hands glided up, over your stomach, chest, until he reached the pins that held up the front of your dress. With a surprisingly deft touch he removed them, allowing the flap to fall down and expose the laced bodice underneath.

Heat swept across your cheeks with the realisation of his plan. No quick hiking up your skirts tonight. Instead he dropped the pins on the dressing table by the door and continued his work with incredible patience. With a sharp inhale he brushed against your chest, lingering over the swell of your breast. Your heart pounded under his touch, lips curling against your neck when he felt your body’s response.

“You were right,” he murmured, the words barely above a whisper, then began to undo the drawstring that pulled your dress tight around the high waistline. “I was neglecting myself.” He kissed just underneath your jawline, a quick dart of his tongue against the sensitive skin. “You always take care of me. Let me give back.”

“Yes,” you gasped, a storm of emotions brewing inside you. “Please.” There was an intimacy to this, to your husband servicing you, that rendered you helpless in the face of his diligence. At every persistent touch, every tug at your gown, you clutched harder onto the front of your skirts, teeth worrying your lip as you struggled to stand still for him.

His mouth busied itself with your neck, jaw, until he finally found yours in a kiss, deep but distracted as he tried to focus on his task. He let out a puff of frustration when he grasped uselessly at the fabric, breaking away from your lips.

“Allow me,” you said, smiling at his disgruntled scowl, and removed a final pin before shrugging the sleeves off your shoulders.

With a gratified moan he kissed your cheek, then tugged the sleeves down further. You wondered how much longer his restraint would endure; how much longer yours would. The slow skirmishes across your skin were torturous, a heat radiating off him that you longed to burrow yourself into.

Finally the gown fell down, pooling at your feet, and Yoongi drew a shuddering breath as he removed the petticoat. Hands pressed against your shift, the touch burning through the thin muslin as he trailed upward, over the curve of your hips onto your stays. He stepped backwards to undo the spiral lacing—though he could not bear too much distance, leaning in to whisper adorations in your ear while he released you from the undergarment.

A shiver ran down your spine as the stays loosened around your chest, Yoongi’s nimble fingers careful at work. You reached back to clutch at his waistcoat, seeking a lifeline. So close. He was almost done. Anticipation rushed through you like blood in your veins, centering your core. Soon he would touch you the way you needed him to. Soon.

The stays fell away and Yoongi turned you around. You locked eyes with him, struck by the softness you found in his expression, a reverence to the way his gaze wandered over your body, now dressed in nothing but a shift, stockings and slippers.

With shallow breaths you loosened the drawstring in your shift’s neckline while Yoongi took you in. He cupped your cheeks, pulling you close into a kiss when the shift dropped away.

You steadied yourself against him, a shudder running through you that was part exhilaration, part the exposure of your bare skin to cool air. You slipped out of your shoes just as Yoongi’s tongue slipped past your lips, one of his arms wrapping tightly around your waist to hold you close, enveloping you in his protective warmth.

A hunger seeped into his kiss; his patience had paid off and now he finally reaped the rewards. He took a step forward, then another, forcing you back until you hit the edge of the bed. As though worried you would fall apart underneath him, Yoongi carefully lowered you onto the sheets. He helped you loosen the ribbons that held your silk stockings in place, then removed them one by one, his mouth following the newly exposed skin with touches so light they left you shivering in their wake.

Finally you laid naked beneath Yoongi and he regarded you with a low hum, satisfied with his efforts. He made quick work of the buttons on his waistcoat, then threw it aside. Leaning over you, your husband’s eyes were darker than ever, two black obsidians glimmering under his furrowed brow. He let out a pleased sigh as he kissed the soft slope of your stomach, his lips dragging over your skin as he traversed further down. You squirmed restlessly, impatience taking over.

“Yoongi, please,” you sighed, leaning on your elbows to better see him. “I need you.”

His crooked grin caused a buzzing heat to coarse through you, a promise in that mischievous glint. “And you have me.”

He slid off the bed, hands firm on your thighs to pull you with him, further and further until he could hook your legs over his shoulders. A whimper escaped you as his breath fell on you, so close to where you longed for him.

Pressing his cheek against the cushiony skin of your thigh, he inhaled deeply. Savouring the moment. Just as you began to protest his slow pace, he parted your lower lips and descended.

With a strangled cry your throat closed up, head falling back at the sudden intensity after all those light touches. One of your elbows buckled, then the other while Yoongi explored greedily. You gasped, back arching as your hands blindly reached for something to hold onto. One gripped at the sheets, the other found Yoongi’s hair.

He played with your body as though you were a song to be performed, giving you the same care and deliberation as his tongue delved through your folds, swiftly working you to a rapturous crescendo. Your soft moans mingled with his enthusiastic grunts, a steady hand on your hip to keep you still, though you could not help the arching of your spine, your toes digging into his shirt as you sought anything to anchor yourself with. You whimpered his name and in response to your call, Yoongi’s teeth scraped over you. You jolted with a sharp gasp, the hand in his hair tightening.

Yoongi grunted when you pulled just a touch too hard, breaking rhythm. You began to apologise, the words feeble and shaky, but he merely shook his head and pressed a soft kiss on your thigh. His hand encapsulated yours, fingers laced together as he gently pulled you away from his hair and guided you to rest your conjoined hands on your stomach. “I got you, you can let go,” he soothed warmly.

“Then,” you said with a gasp, fighting to keep the whine out of your voice, “you need to get back to what you were doing.”

He laughed, a throaty chuckle that only stoked the flames higher. You lifted your head to meet his gaze, eyes crinkled with a fondness at odds with the shine on his lips and chin.

“Please.”

The word was nothing but a shudder, barely audible—but Yoongi hummed contentedly, mouthing at your lower lips so the vibrations drove straight into your core. “There,” he said, sliding a finger inside you, “all you had to do was be polite.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes, aware that your brave attempt to mask the shaking of your thighs was failing. “I thought you liked it when–”

Without warning, Yoongi leaned down and lapped with renewed determination. Your head fell back on the bed, the retort ripped from your lips by the insistent vigour of his mouth and replaced by a soundless cry. The decadently wet noises he made between your thighs only served to amplify your pleasure, sending an euphoric thrill through you.

Underneath your hand you felt the quiver of your abdominal muscles in response to the combined efforts of his tongue and now two fingers. An almost playful rhythm, driving you towards the edge in slow but steady waves.

You surrendered yourself to him, panting hard as you pressed your cheek against the sheets. Then his long fingers curled and you were cast into a blissful void, a muted buzz rushing through your ears as you keened, hips futilely snapping up against your joined hands. He gripped yours tightly as he slowed down but never stopped, luring you into a drawn-out cascade of ecstasy. Only when your cries died down and your hips settled on the bed did he lift his head, a distinctly smug lilt to his smile.

He licked his swollen lips as he stood up, savouring your taste while he began to undress himself, allowing you time to recover. Even through the layers of his clothes you could see the damp mark on his trousers, and you rubbed your slick thighs together at the sight. Yoongi’s self-control slipped away, but the urgency as he tugged at his clothes only slowed the process down.

But, in the languid aftermath of your climax, you found your patience again. You had all the time in the world, and there were few ways you would rather spend it than watching your husband gradually reveal himself to you. His porcelain skin, the soft expanse of his torso, all just for you. He yanked off his shirt, tousling his dark hair even further. You bit your lip at the thought of running your hands through the tactile locks, and you could not help your delighted grin when Yoongi’s cheeks reddened under your heated stare.

Self-consciously, he cleared his throat. “Don’t do that,” he mumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull off his stockings.

With a lazy smile you lifted your leg to drag a toe over the length of his spine. “Do what? Adore you?”

He slipped off his drawers, then turned his head to face you. You anticipated a pout, for his bottom lip to stick out in an endearing sulk, but instead you were met with such a tenderness your breath caught, any further teasing banished from your mind.

“Undo me,” Yoongi answered simply. He joined you onto the bed, laying on his side next to you, where he brushed a stray hair out of your face. His eyes were depthless pools drawing you in, but when you reached for him he intercepted your hand and kept his distance—leaving you to pout instead.

Chuckling at the sight, he pulled you along with him as he sat back against the headboard of the bed. You settled on his lap, glad to take advantage of the position to glide your fingers through his dark hair. He sighed, eyes falling shut with bliss and head leaning forward to rest on your shoulder. Blindly his hands found your waist, and you let out a soft whimper as he helped manoeuvre you.

Instinctively you canted your hips to seek him out and buried your face in his hair as he pressed inside you, muffling your own moans. His breath stuttered, tongue tracing lazy circles on your collarbone when you sank down.

You began to roll your hips, relishing in the sounds you drew from your husband. Gently you tilted his head back and brought his lips to yours. You could taste yourself on him, but welcomed the proof of his worship of you, delving deeper.

His grip on you tightened, taking control of your rhythm as he guided your motions. Though his fingers had prepared you well, you still whined at how completely he filled you. Every part of you sensitive, the slide of him inside you was addictive and sent a sharp heat pulsing through you. But instead of fixating on your own pleasure, you focused on Yoongi; on his quiet grunts, on the way his jaw began to go slack even as you kissed him. With a playful bite at his lip you released him, a small trail of saliva connecting your mouths until he let his head fall back against the oaken headboard behind him.

He watched you through lidded eyes, lips parted and chest heaving. Exhaling harshly, he began to unravel underneath you, his fingers digging into your flesh. Then one of his hands abandoned his grip, trailing upwards to thumb at the swell of your breast, teasing against a nipple. “Got another for me?” he asked, pleaded, not wanting to end this before bringing you to a second high.

You pressed your forehead against his, opening your mouth to speak but all you could manage was a senseless babbling stream of ‘yes’ and ‘please’.

But you needed just a little more.

You reached for his hand on your hip, tugging at his wrist. Always quick to catch your meaning, Yoongi grinned crookedly through his laboured breathing and pressed his thumb exactly where you wanted him. Craved him. Intimately familiar with your body, he rubbed tight circles while the hand on your breast pinched and tugged. Your eyes squeezed shut while your mouth fell open, his deft touch effortlessly bringing you back to the precipice.

He captured your lips in a tender kiss just as you reached your zenith, his calm a stark contrast to your helpless writhing in his lap. You tried to return his kiss, your hand slipping out of his hair to cup his cheek, but your nose clumsily bumped into his, teeth catching on his bottom lip.

Toes digging into the sheets to give himself more leverage, Yoongi grabbed onto your waist again and he slammed up into you. He hissed as you clenched around him, whispering encouragements against his mouth, until his grunts turned to a strangled moan and he found his release, spilling hot inside you.

A hush fell over the bedroom. Your lips brushed against his, not quite a kiss but close enough for your breaths to intermingle.

Yoongi’s arms wrapped around you, holding you close for as long as he could. “Hm. Maybe I should overdo my practises more often,” he said, voice husky from exertion.

You let out a breathless laugh and slumped against him, basking in his heat. “Don’t you dare,” you said, pressing an open-mouthed kiss on his neck. “I need to stop rewarding you for these bad habits.”

He made a petulant noise, pinching your side. You yelped, attempting to escape his touch but caged in by his arms. “Yoongi!”

Far too satisfied with himself for riling you up, Yoongi grinned as he kissed you deeply. But when he withdrew, his brow had softened and he brushed a thumb over your cheek with a quiet intensity—though you could see lethargy beginning to settle behind his eyes. “I will do better,” he said in a murmur. “I don’t like to worry you.”

A warmth settled into your chest at his earnest words. You broke out in a wide smile, a weight falling off your shoulders you had not realised was there. “I love you,” you whispered. “You know that, right?”

Yoongi grunted, a red dusting returning to his cheeks. “Of course I do,” he grumbled, bottom lip stuck out as he talked. With a sigh he ran a hand through his hair, then let it drop down to squeeze your knee. “I love you, too.”

You tucked your head underneath his chin, curling up close. His heartbeat thudded against your cheek, a steady rhythm that made it all too easy to let a fulfilled drowsiness take hold of you. He ran a soothing hand up and down your back, nose pressed into your hair. Neither moved for a long time.

---

happy 25th birthday, jungkook! ♡ collab with @honsool / insp

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AHHHHHHH

The suspense continues. The revelations continue! Absolutely loved the steaminess in this chapter and I could definitely feel the pain JK felt holding back. 2 years is longer than I thought, but I knew they had grown apart. He obviously messed up but is still madly in love with her. Ugh. So tragic.

But I guess she should have seen this coming considering the picture was covered in dust. That wouldn’t have happened from just a few weeks/months. It had to be longer if she had to wipe it to see clearly. I wish she would speak up about all the weird things she’s seeing and feeling but it is clear that she built up some heavy barriers in her mind to protect herself from her memories. Gosh. Must be awful awful.

Anyway, still in love and fascinated by this tale. Love the characters and the plot and the overall world building. I will eagerly wait for more 😊

Our Time | JJK (Four)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 13k

Warnings: swearing, frustrations of amnesia, mentions of alcohol, slight panic attack, confession, secrecy, lots of bonding, mentions of sex, sexual tension, yearning, erection, dirty talk (details of sexual scenarios) over the pants action, mentions of oral (fem and male rec.)

a/n: another important chapter 🤭 please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

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You finally lower the frame after staring at it with heart eyes for way too long. There are more than a million thoughts running through your mind but it seems your ability to truly think is somewhat halted because of the giddiness that trots around in your belly. Yes, you’re confused. Yes, you’re shocked. Yes, you’re in almost complete disbelief. But if this is true?

Then yes, you are also over the fucking moon.

You continue to look at the framed photo, eyes scanning every little detail. You take a moment to wipe your sleeve against the glass, built up dust making it harder to see clearly. You, in a long, beautiful wedding gown, fingers wrapped around Jungkook’s bicep and a look of bliss on your face. Jungkook’s suit is hugging his muscles, the tie neatly wrapped around his neck as one of his hands rest over yours. His smile is huge and his cheeks are rosy. You know when he looks genuinely happy and this is it. 

You try to suppress a growing grin, heart still racing and beating loudly in your ears. But suddenly, a headache starts forming and you roll your eyes. Maybe it’s ‘logic’ trying to push against your forehead, causing an ache to bring you back to reality.

You are happy that apparently you and Jungkook are married. But you also don’t know for sure yet. It might seem obvious but hey, you never know. This would explain the secrecy and his lonely apartment. He doesn’t actually live there, right? Maybe he just got that place quickly so he could keep up the façade of you two only being friends. 

But why keep this a secret in the first place? 

It is huge news so maybe that’s why. 

Regardless, you need to confront Jungkook. You need to tell him you know about this and if it’s actually true. And hopefully he will be just as pleased as you. He doesn’t have to pretend anymore. 

You decide to stick the frame under your arm as you close the box again. You glance around the attic one last time. Boxes everywhere, lots of dust and lots of evidence of a life you don’t know. But at least you know something and you’re going to stick to your word—nothing more than the recipe book…even though, you found something else entirely. 

Climbing down the attic steps, you can hear Jungkook’s snores from the living room. You finally get the attic closed but when the door shuts, your entire body goes still at the loud ‘bang’ when it slams shut. You’re quick to snap your head in the direction of Jungkook but when you don’t hear his snores anymore, you feel your insides twist and turn. 

Frozen, you keep your body turned in the direction of the living room and it seems Jungkook’s snores don’t continue. And then you hear the sound of feet on the wooden floors.

“y/n?” Jungkook’s voice is distant and groggy. 

You take a deep breath, eyes going to the ladder and the frame under your arm before you hold it in your hands and bring it to your chest, picture facing you. You know he’s going to appear in the hallway any second as he looks for you and you know you have to face him regardless.

“In the hall.” You finally call out. 

Not even five seconds pass before Jungkook’s sleepy figure appears before you. His hair sticks up in all directions, fist rubbing at his eye as he tries to adjust to the light in the hallway. It takes him a moment to register what he’s seeing. You, beneath the attic with a ladder next to you and something in your hands. 

“What—” He glances around much more quickly now, feet suddenly moving as he comes closer to you. “What are you doing?” He finally looks awake. Alert. Panicked. “Hey, what are you—are you trying to get into the…” He shakes his head, brows furrowing. “What are you doing, y/n?”

“Well—”

“—Did you go into the fucking attic?” He cuts you off, eyes on the ceiling as panic and concern paints his face. 

“I needed to find something.” You tell him calmly. “So I—”

“—What the fu…” He swallows hard, eyes not finding yours. “I told you not to…” Jungkook’s fingers go to his temples, eyes shutting as he tries to gather his thoughts. “You realize how fucking—”

“—I didn’t snoop into anything, really.” You rush to say though you speak slowly. Your own concern etching itself onto your features. “I was only looking for a recipe book.”

Jungkook finally looks at you and you feel small. “A fucking recipe book? That’s worth going into the attic for? I told you that there are too many things in there that would overwhelm you!” His chest moves up and down quickly, lips set in a firm line as he stares at you incredulously. “This—”

“—I only found this.” You keep your voice calm. You flip the frame to face him and you watch as his entire expression falls, every hard line on his face smooths out the moment he sees what you’re holding. And then suddenly his face begins paling.

“You—You…” He blinks at the photo, mouth fallen open. 

“Is this…” You speak quietly, suddenly insecure about the entire situation but you still move closer to him, eyes looking up into his and he immediately softens because of your delicate yet unsure expression. “Are we?” 

Jungkook’s teeth dig into his bottom lip as he gazes down at you, his eyes growing watery.

“Did we really get married?” You push the frame closer to him, your expression shifting from unsure to pleading. “Did you fall in love with me? Is this real?”

Jungkook’s expression completely crumbles at your questions, “Yes…” His voice cracks, pausing to clear his throat. “We got married…” Then he grows sad, “How wouldn’t this be real?” He asks, weak smile tugging at his lips as he takes the frame from you and he looks down at it.

“I don’t know…” Your heart starts thumping harder, you use every muscle in your face to keep you from smiling. “Maybe since I’m kind of crazy about you…that I photoshopped it or something.” 

Jungkook snorts and you feel your body relax. “Photoshop?” He laughs but his eyes are still watery. “No, no.” He brings the frame to his body like he’s hugging it. “This is very real.”

You can feel the tiny hairs all over your body rise in disbelief. You know how shocking and unreal this all is. But there’s something inside you that feels relieved, pleased and comforted. Because you have felt it in your bones that the connection between you and Jungkook was somehow different and you craved him more than your mind or body could explain.

“I’m married to you?” You stare at the frame in his hands, eyes huge with wonder. “You…this feels crazy.” You say, quietly trying to sort your thoughts. “How do we…” You finally tear your eyes from the frame and look at him. “How do we act now?”

Jungkook’s silence feels like hands wrapped around your throat. 

His body stands tall yet stiff. Fingers gripping the frame like he’s afraid it’ll drop and glass will shatter. Jungkook breaths are bated and you feel your own throat constricting when his silence continues.

“Jungkook?” You murmur his name, voice straying from confidence as insecurity leaks through the one word. 

He flinches. 

After another moment, Jungkook tries to clear his throat and speak but it seems any words he wants to say die somewhere in his chest, along with his heart. “Um,” He still doesn’t lift his eyes to you, avoiding your gaze as he continues to stare down at the frame.

“Jung—“

“—Did you see anything else in the attic?” He asks, voice slightly shaky as he doesn’t rip his eyes from the frame still. “Or was this it?”

“This was it.” You tell him honestly, his gaze finally meeting yours. Perhaps he wanted to catch your own telltale tic when you lie. But you aren’t lying.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, tone much softer. “How is your head? This doesn’t feel real for you, right? This probably might seem crazy.”

“Yes and no.” Your lips manage to form a hesitant smile. “It is crazy because wow, I’m married. But also, it isn’t crazy because even 24 year old me can’t imagine my life ending up this way with anyone else but you.”

Jungkook stares at you with big, doe eyes. A crease forming between his eyebrows as his lips twist, teeth suddenly digging into the flesh when he tries to control his obvious emotions. 

You thought he might be pleased you know but you don’t expect to see his eyes grow teary when they well with uncertainty and longing. 

He had to pretend this relationship didn’t exist between you both. It must have been incredibly hard for him.

“How are you feeling?” You try to step closer to him, but your body is still going through shock despite your mind feeling more at ease. 

Jungkook lightly scoffs at your question, lips twitching when he can’t answer with words. He’s growing more and more unknown to you. This is brand new territory. Jungkook knows you even more than you recall. He knows you differently than you know him. You’ve never experienced a romantic dynamic with him—well, you have, you just don’t remember. 

You eye him carefully, his muscles looking unbearably tense. You walk forward more, hand reaching towards him as you try to gently pry the frame from his hands. “You know you have the real thing in front of you, right?” You innocently tease, smirk on your lips but it gets immediately wiped clean from your face when Jungkook’s shoulders shake a little and he chokes on whatever words have risen to his throat. 

“I…do…” He finally looks at you, the uncertainty and longing now clearly evident on his features. “I miss you.” He whispers.

He doesn’t just miss you, his best friend. No, he misses you, his wife.

“I can imagine this has been hard for you.” Your fingers wrap around his. You’re met with his cold and clammy skin. “Pretending we’re just friends.”

Jungkook takes a deep breath, his watery eyes blinking back his emotions. “You have no idea.” He tells you, “How fucking hard this is. How hard everything has been.” His voice cracks and he pauses to take a moment to collect himself. 

“Well…” You dart around anxiously, cheeks growing warm. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.” You intertwine your fingers now, feeling brave but still so nervous.

Jungkook finally cracks a small smile, “I might not have to pretend there isn’t something between us but it doesn’t mean I can just act like how we used to. This is brand new for you.”

You shake your head quickly, a cute expression that makes Jungkook melt on your face. “I don’t mind, really.”

He laughs, his own head shaking. “It’s not a switch that can get flipped.”

“Fine.” You groan playfully, the atmosphere finally lightening and it seems the invisible fingers around your throat finally let you go. “But I can definitely ask questions now, right? And you’ll give me answers.”

Jungkook’s smile drops a little but he nods, although a bit hesitant.

“I can’t wait, Ribbit.”

~~~

You stare at Jungkook, teasing smile lifting your lips as you watch him awkwardly watch you. “You know, kind of strange that you choose now to not sit too close to me.”

He chuckles, fingers fiddling with one another. “I’ll admit it’s actually a little more nerve wracking.”

“Now that I know we’re…romantically,” You wiggle your brows, “Involved?” 

Jungkook’s cheek burn as he stares you, eyes filled with the same uncertainty and longing you’re beginning to truly pick up on. “Isn’t this weird for you?”

“What’s weird is how far you’re sitting from me, Jungkook.” You point out, “Or should I call you something more cute?” 

“Cute?”

“Mhm. What do I usually call you? Babe? Honey? Sweetheart? Baby?” You’re obviously teasing him. You always imagined he would get this flustered. He is. Even though you both have been married for seven years, it seems he still flushes under your gaze and your words. You love that.

“Just call me Jungkook.” He swallows down his own name, shy smile. “Don’t jump into anything you don’t really understand.”

He says this softly but you know he’s warning you—as gently as possible.

“You’re no fun.” You pout, loving this new dynamic. Well, you aren’t really sure it’s a new dynamic but it’s definitely a new way to tease him. Your best friend who ran home crying when he was a kid. Your best friend who got walked on from previous dates. Your best friend who grew up so incredibly well. 

“I beg to differ.” He smiles at you, “I think you’d describe me as really fun actually.”

“Maybe.” You lean back onto the sofa, “I think I’d think you’re more fun if you sat close to me.”

“And how exactly would that be fun?” He raises a curious brow.

Your eyes shine in amusement before you smirk, “I think you know.” You say slowly making Jungkook roll his eyes, uncontrollable smile on his face. 

“You’re really something.”

“But you like it, right?”

Jungkook meets your eye, serious expressing beginning to shadow his previous mirth. “You have no idea.” He tells you. “I’ll sit closer but let’s have some boundaries, don’t you think?”

You soften, smiling at Jungkook before you answer. “Okay.”

“Alright, I know you’re dying to know how this all began, right? What’s your first question, hm?”

“Hm,” You heart starts dancing in your chest when Jungkook finally scoots closer to you, his warmth suddenly caging you as if his arms were tight around your body. Well, you wish that was the case. “Okay, did something happen at Sana’s wedding? I kind of suspected we might have hooked up? Is that when I confessed?”

Jungkook suddenly looks incredibly amused, some shyness getting replaced with something more lively, “What makes you think you’re the one who confessed first?” He asks you, making your mouth fall open.

“There’s no way it wasn’t me.” You look surprised, “You did first?!”

He starts laughing, you swear you can feel the rumble in his chest just by the sound alone. “No it was definitely you.” 

Your face breaks into a grin, “I fucking knew it.”

“I wasn’t as brave as you.” He grows more tender, eyes filled with so much adoration as he stares at you.

“So…did I confess on Sana’s wedding night?”

“Nope.” He tells you, “Nothing happened that night.”

“What?” You purse your lips, “I was so sure.”

“Well…” He blushes, “Not exactly anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was sort of the night everything changed between us though. Without anything actually changing?”

“I still don’t get it.”

Jungkook bites onto his lower lip, trying to remember how you both described it many years ago. “Everyone was making fun of as usual.” He starts, “And it’s like we both become extremely aware of each other. Openly?”

“Openly?”

“I already knew for a long time how I felt about you but I never made it obvious. There was no change in our dynamic. You had feelings for me too.” Then he smirks, “Just like you do right now, right?”

You conceal a knowing smile, eyes averting his gaze for a moment as you nod your head.

“Anyway, that night it’s like neither of us really hid the fact that we were looking at one another differently. We danced together and it became hard to ignore that something was forming between us without either of us ever saying it.”

“Wow.” You listen intently, “Then what happened?”

“After the wedding, we couldn’t go back to the feeling between us. The platonic feeling. It’s like things suddenly changed,” He pauses, cheeks dusting over more harshly. “It got awkward talking about dates, it got weird when I suddenly got jealous of every other man.” He starts chuckling, shaking his head at the past. “It’s like we couldn’t even hug without feeling so fucking…” 

You smile, hand landing right above his knee. “Then what?”

“One time when we were out, I—out of instinct—had a hand on your lower back, feeling protective I guess.” He shrugs, shy smile. “And you joked with me about how I’m going to scare away any future boyfriend and I still remember the stab I felt to my heart.” He laughs to himself, eyes on your hand. “After the wedding, everything was so different with us. Compliments felt different, touching felt different and I remember one night when I was feeling down you gave me some encouraging pep talk and I kept thinking about how I’ll never know anyone like you again.”

“I’ve always felt that about you.” You admit to him, fingers lightly brushing against his sweatpants. “Even when we first became friends.”

He beams at you, “I know.”

“Oh do you?”

“I know everything in your mind, y/n.” He focuses on your face with a smile. “In fact when you were 25 you were wondering if I was ever going to make a real move on you. Both of us fully aware of the unspoken new dynamic.” He admits with a chuckle, “You told me later that you knew you couldn’t have been imagining the romance between us. Always so intuitive.”

“Love that for me.”

“Anyway, as you guessed…” He touches the material of his sweatpants too, fingers dangerously close to yours. “You came to me and told me how you felt. You,” He silently snorts, “Told me you weren’t worried about ruining our friendship because it’s already changed and you thought you might as well take it into your own hands.”

“Sounds like me.” You look impressed with things that sound real despite the fact it also sounds unreal. 

“I admired you so much. Still do.” His fingers brush against yours every now and then. “I obviously returned your feelings. We started dating immediately.”

“Wow, we move fast, huh? Or maybe it was slow?” Perspective, you guess.

He laughs, “Fast. We moved in together only 8 months after dating and I proposed to you only a year and half into our relationship because we both knew this was forever.” He softens so much, fingers warm against yours, the slow and calculated movements making both of your pulses quicken. 

“Wow…” You stare down at his thigh, feeling silly for getting this excited at fingers barely touching. “I wish I remembered this.”

“Me too.” He says quietly. “I think about my life with you all the time and I wish I could just insert my memories into your head.”

“How was our wedding?” You ask him, “We look nice in the photo.”

“One of the best days of my life.” He looks up finally, his eyes willing yours to look at him as well. “I promise you that.”

“You’re a lot more romantic than I would have assumed.” You crack a smile, “Are we pretty romantic?”

He sighs, smile tugging at his lips. “Crazy for each other. So what do you think?”

You laugh a little bitterly, even when your body tingles in warmth and excitement. “I wish I remembered. I hate that nothing sounds familiar at all. It sounds like you’re reading my diary of future dreams to me.”

“I’d love to see that.” He teases. “But hey,” Suddenly growing more serious, “You will get your memories back.”

You nod, trying your best to convince yourself it’s true. “Yeah.”

“I told you I’m here for you. For all of it. No matter how this turns out, I won’t…” He looks away, visibly gulping. “I won’t ever give up.”

You realize with all this discussion that does feel overwhelming despite how pleasing it is to hear, that no actual words have been said about feelings.

“Jungkook?”

“What is it?” He hums.

“Do you love me?”

Jungkook’s brows pull together, blinking at you like you asked a ridiculous question.

“Do I love you?” His fingers finally grab a hold of yours. “I love you so much, y/n.” His confession almost looks overwhelming for even him.

Your lips lift, a sudden relief flooding your entire body. “You do?”

“Yes.” He gazes into your eyes more intense than before. “Isn’t it so obvious?”

“Tell me about our first kiss.” You request, your hand feeling a little sweaty thanks to nerves.

“Our first…” He releases a long breath, “I asked you. I wanted to take you on a date first but I didn’t really want to wait.” He admits, chuckling. “I kissed you and we didn’t really want to stop.” He looks sheepish now, his other hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“Do you think…” Your heart is hammering against your chest now as heat crawls up all your exposed skin. “If we kissed right now that it could spark something? Memories?”

And for the first time, not completely blinded by the joy you feel, you see obvious confliction cross his eyes.

“No, I don’t think we should.” He pulls his hand away from you, he wipes it on his other pants leg, ridding it of sweat. “Boundaries. Slow. This is new.”

He’s reluctant. You can understand his perspective but you sense there’s something more.

“Okay…” You mumble, “That’s okay.”

He finds your eyes, slight panic when he says, “I’m not saying I don’t want to. I just don’t think we should.”

“But what if it helps?” You try to reason with him. Yes, you’d love to kiss him because damn, you’ve been wanting to for a long time. But you also believe it could help. 

He looks antsy in his spot, eyes darting around while both hands rub his sweatpants. “I don’t know. If it’s right.” He says quietly. “I really—”

“—Jungkook, it’s okay. I’m giving you full consent if that’s what you’re worried about.” You put a hand over his, “I’d love to kiss you regardless but I also want to test this theory of mine.”

He deeply sighs out, struggling to look at you again. 

“Please.” You whisper.

He finally tries to relax his body, fully turning his entire form towards you. “Are you really sure?”

You feel touched honestly. He’s so caring and considerate and you’re wildly into him. “I’m sure.”

“Okay…” Jungkook licks the corner of his lips nervously. “Can I lead it?”

“Sure.” You nod, the feeling of a cage door breaking down when millions of butterflies escape inside your stomach, fluttering around making you feel lightheaded. “Yeah…”

Jungkook looks exactly how you’re feeling. 

Uncertain and longing.

Jungkook eyes meet yours and it’s like they’re screaming at you. In excitement? Nerves? Worry? You don’t really know. But you’re sure yours are doing the same. He breathes out, hands suddenly rising towards your face but his fingers only hover over your cheeks. You’re sure he can feel the raging heat radiating off your skin. You swallow hard, heart racing when he moves closer to you.

He continuously licks his lips, fingers finally barely touching your skin and you can feel the comfortable burn from the tips of his fingers, your breath getting caught in your throat at the small touch. 

His space is invading yours, strong tension on both sides colliding with a great force. You can physically feel the heavy, thick air between your bodies. 

You need to breathe.

His fingers cup your jaw more firmly, his skin merging with yours thanks to the heat that has you both melting. His eyes stay low, not able to make contact with yours quite yet as he continues to lean in. He’s moving so slowly, so hesitantly despite how you feel the need he exerts. 

“Jungkook…” You sigh out his name and you feel a bolt of electricity when his eyes snap up and lock with yours. His chest rises and falls and you sense he’s trying to calm his breathing while you’re reminding yourself to breathe.

You know he’s leading but you can’t help it when your hands slide up his chest, fingers splayed out, feeling the drumming of his crazy heart. He releases a shaky breath, eyes going back down to your lips and he leans in more and more. He’s breathing the same small space of air as you. His shaky breaths fanning over your mouth, a reflection of how hard he’s trying to keep it together. 

“Jungkook.” You’re barely audible, eyes closing at the close proximity. 

You want to fall apart. Jungkook’s lips ghost yours, tickling your bottom lip when his barely brushes against it. You want him to meld his lips against yours firmly but he’s so slow and careful, driving you insane. 

“Okay,” He breathes against you.

One of his hands slide behind your neck, surprising you when he urges you forward, your lips perfectly slotting between his and you immediately moan against his mouth, hands firm against his chest when they glide up, your fingers lacing behind his neck, pulling him closer against you. 

Jungkook’s chest pushes against yours, his heavy breaths hard to ignore but somehow you’re only focusing on the feeling between you both. His lips barely disconnect, more shaky breaths before he dives in again, much more force but he’s still so gentle. Little groans in the back of his throat making you ache. 

You know this is new for you. But kissing him already feels so familiar and your body has incredible muscle memory even when your brain lacks it. Your fingers grip the hair at the back of his neck, making Jungkook pull his lips away again, breathing against your mouth heavily. 

You match the pace of his erratic breaths before deciding you’ll lead now. 

You connect your lips but instead of long, firm kisses, you move your mouth against his and he reciprocates instantly. The kisses are slow even though all you feel is urgency. His hands drop from your head and find a comfortable place on your hips, squeezing your sides every time you move them. 

Another squeeze when you whine into his mouth, lips parting and Jungkook’s tongue shyly licks into you. He’s warm and quietly groans when you slip your tongue to caress his. This feels like a man you’ve made out with before. This feels like a man that knows how to kiss you.

But unfortunately no memories get sparked despite how familiar it all is. 

Jungkook’s hands slide up your frame, fingers back on your jaw when he pulls away again, same shaky breaths fanning your skin when he pushes his forehead to yours and sighs deeply. You slowly open your eyes to see how his are slammed shut, a peculiar expression on his face with beads of sweat on his hairline that soak into your own skin.

“Jungkook…” You murmur his name, fingers still tangled in his hair. 

He doesn’t respond, he doesn’t open his eyes, he doesn’t even move.

He tries to even his breathing…he simply tries to keep himself in one piece. 

With no warning, his hands drop from you altogether and he pulls away from you, a groan leaving his mouth when he leans back into the sofa, eyes still closed. 

You’re breathless, hot, lightheaded and crazy for him. You watch him with careful eyes, but it’s hard for your gaze not to lower to the prominent bulge in his sweatpants. He’s looking defeated, head tilted back, arms weak on either side of him and doing nothing to hide how hard he’s gotten.

After several long moments and he seems to be coming down from some sort of high, he opens his eyes and glances at you. “Anything?” He asks you quietly.

You frown, “No. It’s all familiar though. Good, too.”

He leans forward, nodding at your words. “Okay. It’s okay. Don’t worry, y/n.”

You feel bad for some reason. Guilty that his touch wasn’t enough for the world of memories to return to you. Like his love wasn’t enough. You know that’s not the case but you hope it’s not what he’s thinking.

“I love you too…just so you know.” You tell him, hand on his thigh.

You see how his expression twists, forcing the weakest smile you’ve ever seen as he gives you a nod. “I uh, I’m going to grab some water.” He stands from the sofa, “We should probably call it a night.”

~

It’s 4am and you can’t fall asleep. You’re tossing and turning in your bed—your lonely bed—unable to shut your brain off. Jungkook insisted on remaining on the sofa because boundaries or whatever. You get it. But you also don’t. 

You texted Misuk and Subin letting them know that the cat was out of the bag. You know you’re married to Jungkook and you couldn’t be more pleased with the revelation. There isn’t any response from either of them yet but maybe they went to bed early. You also texted your parents but they did reply almost immediately. Your mom only texting back ‘yes my favorite son in law.’  

After the kiss with Jungkook, you two put on a movie, hoping some tension would disappear between you but no, of course not. Instead it only grew, wrapping your body and pulling you under with little space to breathe. You have a lot to think about. Obviously.

You still need to ask Jungkook about the apartment, what case he’s working on and why Misuk has developed a dislike for him. But also, unfortunately, you’re thinking about the boner he was sporting after kissing you.

You feel hot and bothered at the fact you were able to affect him like after kissing for a couple of minutes. It’s relieving since he affected you just as strongly. You understand why he said the first time you two ever kissed, you both didn’t want to stop. You didn’t want to stop this time either. 

You miss him. Badly. He’s so close but not close enough. Your couch is not your bed. Isn’t it also his bed? Ugh. You’re craving to be close to him, feeling his skin and his warmth. Isn’t he itching to cuddle with you too? Although it’s not something you’re used to but you definitely could get used to it. And fast. 

You roll around in bed, body on one side and then the other but no position feels comfortable enough to relax in. You quietly groan, head banging against the pillows and you know you need to give up. Maybe you just aren’t sleeping tonight. Eyes focused on the ceiling, the moonlight seeps into your bedroom since the blinds are cracked open as it give the walls an illuminating glow. 

You just stare. Stare at nothing. An entire hour passes by and finally, you’re feeling the energy drain from your body. You realize your mind is hardly going wild anymore. Kind of loving that your mind is suddenly blanking as no particular thoughts feel busy in your head. Body feeling heavier and eyes opening and closing more often. You can feel that maybe you will fall asleep tonight. 

You blink lazily, eyes still on the ceiling. You can finally feel sleep trying to pull you under, the moonlight lulling you, a blueish white glow that is dim and—suddenly, the entire room goes dark for a quick, fleeting moment and your entire body jolts up. Heart already pounding, you’re quick to whip your head in the direction of the window because you know a passing shadow when you see one.

Sitting upright in bed, you stare at the window, holding your breath. Did you imagine that? Did someone pass your window? An animal? Maybe it was simply clouds momentarily covering the moon.

No. 

A strange feeling crawls all over your skin, unwanted goosebumps rising. 

A strange feeling that feels fucking familiar. 

You quickly get out of the bed, walking to the window when you peek out of it but there’s nothing around that you can see. You didn’t imagine that, right?

But the strange feeling makes a home within you. 

As if what just happened feels more like a dream than something you just experienced. 

Did you imagine it? Are you remembering something? 

Either way, fuck that.

You quickly close the blinds and step away from the window. Mind suddenly busy all over again. What was that? Did someone walk by your window? Did you even actually see a shadow? Or before falling asleep did you simply begin dreaming already? Or did a memory trying forcing its way out of you…?

You stand still, completely still. Palms growing sweaty because your brain is sending a million signals to your body but you can’t makes sense of even one of them.

You feel anxious. Your chest hurts and if that wasn’t enough, your skull suddenly feels on fire, a terrible ache causing your head to be on the brink of explosion. Your hands go to your face, rubbing your cheeks as you try to relax. What is happening?

You don’t need to think about it. You turn away from your window, feet taking you towards your bedroom door when you decide to wake up Jungkook.

Approaching the living room, you hear your best friend—oh, husband—snoring away on the sofa, an immediate sigh of relief leaves your lips the closer you get.

“Jungkook…” You put a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him awake. “Hey.” 

Jungkook takes a minute to stir from his sleep, face all scrunched up as he barely opens one eye. “Hm?” He slowly tries to sit up and get a look at you. “Hey, what’s up?” He questions you softly, a curious look all over his face.

“Jungkook.” You mumble, your anxiety rising uncomfortably. “I feel…” You can’t even finish that sentence without your voice sounding panicked and overwhelmed.

Jungkook’s eyes finally adjust, his expression alert all of the sudden as he reaches for you, urging you to take a seat on the edge of the sofa. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” His hands are on either of your shoulders, rubbing them soothingly. “What’s wrong?”

Your heart is racing. Not in excitement. In fear. In fear of what’s real or what isn’t. In fear of dreams, in fear of memories, in fear of reality. “I don’t feel good.” You admit to him, “I feel sick, I think.”

“Sick?” He questions, eyes scanning your face, though it’s dark. “Upset stomach?”

“No,” You swallow hard. “Life.”

Jungkook’s expression turns pained, finally understanding what’s going on here.

“Are you overwhelmed?” He asks you, “Stressed about things?”

“I’m,” You hate the tightness in your chest. “I’m really fucking overwhelmed. My brain isn’t…” Your voice cracks, eyes stinging. “It doesn’t make sense to me. Nothing makes sense to me. This doesn’t make sense to me.” You feel panic settle. “ I don’t know what to do. I feel fucking lost. I’m lost. This doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t—”

“—Hey, hey.” Jungkook’s rubbing your arms, trying to comfort you. “y/n. Look at me. Please look at me.” His hands leave your sides when his thumbs brush right below your eyes. He’s wiping away a few miserable tears you never realized spilled. “I’m here, love. I’m here.” 

“Jungkook…” You reach for him, head falling into his chest. “Nothing makes sense. I don’t make sense. I don’t understand—” Your breaths pick up, “I don’t know, Jungkook. This doesn’t make sense.”

“Fuck,” He sighs, jaw tightening as he rubs your back, staring at the empty space behind your body. “I’m so sorry. This isn’t fair for you…I’m sorry you had to find out like this—about us—I wish things would—”

“What?” You lift yourself from his chest, teary eyes on his. “You think I’m freaking the fuck out because of us? Jungkook,” You swallow down the burn in your throat, “This news is the only good thing I’m holding on to right now. It’s everything else that fries my fucking brain.” You point a finger at the side of your head.

He looks at you, confusion swirling in his eyes. “This isn’t because of us?”

You shake your head before you wipe at your eyes, “No. This is because every other missing detail in my life. You’re the only,” You lean forward, desperate gaze set on him and he grows so weak at your expression. “You’re the only thing keeping me together. The news about you and me does make sense.”

Audible breaths leave Jungkook’s parted lips, eyes blown wide and the uncertainty and longing becoming the skeleton inside his body and it controls him. His possessed bones pull you closer to him and you quietly gasp when he kisses you. Strong arms wrapped around you, lips pushing against yours and your entire body relaxes in Jungkook’s hold. 

His lips feel so familiar. Like your brain is itching to give you more. But it doesn’t.

He pulls away, his face falling into the crook of your neck and he breathes you in, “Tell me what it is that you need from me, y/n.” 

You don’t really know what to say.

But the answer is more obvious than you realize, “This.” You tell him. “You.”

He inhales a sharp breath, head slightly nodding before he rises from your neck and brushes the back of his hand against your cheek. “Okay. I’ll give you this. Me.”

~~~

You stare at your phone, reading over your texts with Misuk and Subin even though they should be here any moment now. They finally replied to you about Jungkook.

Subin 2:14pm

🥹 I’m so glad you’re happy about it! Imagine if you weren’t in love with him yet? Lol that would be a shocker! 

Misuk 2:15pm

👍

Misuk 2:15pm

What all has he told you?

y/n 3:09pm

just some memories about how we got together and stuff

y/n 3:10pm

its kinda the only thing that doesn’t make me feel clueless right now

Subin 3:11pm

That makes sense . Just remember to take it easy, okay?💖

y/n 3:14pm

i know 

y/n 3:14pm

im trying at least 

Misuk 3:21pm

What are you doing after 5 y/n? Maybe me and Subin can swing by for a bit

Subin 3:22pm

Yes please 💕

y/n 3:25pm

really?? Id love that! Yes come over come over!!! Jungkook is off doing things so im home alone right now lol

Misuk 4:02pm

Okay we will be there after 5 then 😀

You exit the group when your finger slides over to Jungkook’s latest text now instead.

Jungkook 5:07pm

What do you think about going on a date tomorrow? 

Jungkook 5:08pm

If you’re up for it. 

Jungkook 5:08pm

But I’d love to have a date with you.

You aren’t sure if you’ll ever get used to this new, jittery feeling. The jittery feeling that causes you to smile even without meaning to. 

You look up from your phone when you hear knocking on you front door, excitedly standing to answer because you know it’s Misuk and Subin waiting on the other side. You open the door, welcoming your friends inside your home with a grin.

“Hi.” You sing out and do a little twirl, “Welcome to my humble abode where I live, as a married woman.” 

Subin giggles, her arms wrapping around you tightly in a hug. “Hey.”

Misuk watches you, sighing as she notices your big, genuine smile. 

“Should I order us something to eat?” You gesture towards the living room so you all can sit. “I want to eat a big meal.” You rub your stomach in a cute manner.

Misuk continues to stand at the doorway and you notice she looks deep in thought before she sighs again and cracks a small smile. “You look really happy.” She tells you.

“About some things, yes.” You admit before tugging on her sleeve, “Let’s sit.”

You three find spots on your sofa that you’ve grown to adore while Subin tells you both how Garam wants to go to Italy for a romantic trip, her cute, squealing voice as she gushes about her soon to be husband. You wish you could remember your excitement before getting married.

“You’re so lucky.” You speak softly, “You will have all these wonderful memories of you and Garam and you know, actually remember them. I’m jealous of you!” You laugh, “I’m so excited for you, that you’re getting married soon.”

Subin blinks at you, blush growing on her cheeks as she smiles timidly. “Thank you. But honestly, I was so jealous of you too.” She giggles, “If you think you’re jealous of me, you’d actually be more jealous of you.”

You tilt your head, “Why?”

Misuk chuckles, “Because no one was ever more excited about getting married than you.”

“It’s true.” Subin muses at you, “You were adorable.”

“Oh.” You think about it for a moment. “What was the process like? In a friend’s perspective?”

“What do you mean?” Misuk asks you, “Like, what were you like when you were only engaged? Or what you were like after getting married?”

“Both.” You grin at her, “Did I have a bachelorette?”

Subin snorts cutely, “You had more than just a normal bachelorette.”

“Yeah,” Misuk smiles, eyes going up when she tries to recall the crazy time it was. “It was more like a whole character arc.”

You purse your lips while narrowing your eyes at nothing. “I don’t understand.”

Subin laughs, “You know, most bachelorettes are like a weekend getaway. There might be strippers. Lots of alcohol obviously. Clubs. You know, the basic stuff.”

“You had a bit of a different idea.” Misuk shakes her head, smirk on her lips. “You created an entire monthlong list of things you wanted to do. Spontaneous things. Crazy things. Simple things. Things an unmarried woman would do shamelessly.”

“A month long what now?” You’re trying to think of what the hell could be on this list.

Subin glances at Misuk before questioning her, “It was one thing to do a day for a month right?”

Misuk nods, “Yeah. Ridiculous things.”

“Why?” You question your friends and Subin lights up as she responds.

“You said you wanted to do a bunch of stuff as an individual. Independent. Something personal for you, I guess.”

“I did?”

“Yeah.” Misuk answers. “And after you two got married, you guys made a whole new bucket type list that you did together.”

“It was really cute.” Subin chimes in, “But your personal list was great. You did some questionable stuff though.”

“…Like what?” You ask.

“Remember when I told you that you flashed your boobs to some guy?” Misuk smirks again. “That was like day 14 or something.”

“What?” You gasp, “What the hell! I even mentioned it to Jungkook!”

Subin waves you off with a smile, “Don’t worry. Jungkook helped you make the list and he approved of everything on it. He knows everything.” 

Misuk rolls her eyes, “He was even a part of one of the things you had on the list. Which was totally cheating, by the way! You were supposed to write a song.”

“There’s no way I wrote a song.” You snort, not believing that.

“You didn’t.” Misuk deadpans. “Jungkook basically did it for you, that romantic fucker.”

“He wrote a song with me?” You try to control your lips. Don’t fucking smile like you’re a whipped woman in love.

“More like for you.” Misuk tells you, her back meeting the couch cushion when she sighs. “He was like that.”

“I’m glad you know about the marriage.” Subin softens, her pink cheeks shimmering. “It sucked knowing something that you didn’t.”

“Regardless how I feel about Jungkook now…” Misuk mutters quietly, “You do look really happy so I guess I can suck it up for now.” 

You frown, her implication that her feelings for Jungkook now are anything but positive makes you heart sting. “Misuk.”

“I said you look happy and it makes me happy, okay?” A corner of her mouth lifts. “Seeing you like this…well, it’s nice.”

You try to erase the frown on your face. “Thank you.”

“And I got to say…” Misuk crosses her arms over her chest, “I was totally right and I’m kind of glad I’m able to shove it in your face again.”

“Huh?” You glance between her and Subin who just giggles.

“When me and Jungkook broke up.” Misuk reminds you, “I told you it was because, one, we were better off as friends and two, because I knew that the both of you were going to end up together.”

Your jaw drops a little, remembering exactly what she said.

“You were so ridiculous.” She snickers to herself, “All like, ‘oh my god, that won’t happen!’ but it totally did happen. I love being right sometimes.” 

“Well,” you pout, cheeks warming up. “Glad you were right then.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Misuk studies you for a moment. “Oh right, my mom is stopping by in a day or two but it shouldn’t interfere with our girls weekend.”

“Your mom?” You suddenly beam at Misuk. “I would love her forever if she happens to bake her famous blueberry muffins.”

“Lucky for you I mentioned it to her already and she said she would love to make some.” 

“Can you also ask her to bake that chocolate pie?” Subin moans to herself, “I would probably leave Garam if it meant I could fuck that p—“

“Oh my god, Subin.” You gape at the girl while she stares at you dumbfounded.

“What?” She glances at Misuk now, “It’s a really good pie.”

“It really is.” She nods, “Anyway, my mom is only stopping by for a bit so I’m not sure you guys will get to see her but yes, she is bringing desserts.” 

“Hell yeah.” You honestly dream about those muffins. “Can’t wait.”

“So,” Subin bites her lip, something curious and careful about her expression. “How are things with Jungkook since you found the photo?”

“Hm,” You sink into your couch in contentment. “Interesting? Not exactly what I thought of at first.”

“What do you mean?” Misuk raises a brow, “What did you think it would be like?”

“My delusional mind somehow thought that life was like a movie and we were going to fall back in step to married life—you know, the thing I actually know nothing about—and my memories would magically return. You know? etcetera, etcetera.” You shrug even though you know how ridiculous it sounds, smile creeping on your face. “But instead, I still have all my problems. But Jungkook is great. He seems conflicted, for sure.” You admit to your friends as a heavy sigh leaves your mouth. “Obviously because this is new for me and it’s something that has to develop.”

“Right.” Misuk mumbles.

“But it feels good knowing this isn’t one sided for me. That things went somewhere with him.” 

“Yeah.” Subin reaches over to pat your leg, “Things definitely went somewhere.”

“I just know that once my memories return…” You sit more upright again, determined eyes on your best friends. “Life is going to get so much better.”

Subin and Misuk exchange a quick glance and it doesn’t go unnoticed but you ignore it. Subin pats your leg again and you expect her to say something nice as usual but you realize, neither of your friends know what to say.

~

“The park?” You glance around, the grass tall and green, water calm and the breeze just right. “Ah, you did say we come here a lot, right?”

Jungkook reaches for your hand, intertwining your fingers and you try to remain cool, calm and collected even though his touch makes you yearn for him.

“Yeah.” He smiles, leading you towards that same pond on the side where the trees are. “Coming here became an escape for us.” He tells you, lifting up the picnic basket in his other hand.

You hum in contentment though you remember not loving this place as much last time you came. “Didn’t you say there’s some bad memories here though?” 

Jungkook gives a stiff nod, “Yes. But…we also have a lot of good memories here. Plus, I think if we create more good memories here,” he looks around with a hopeful expression. “Then the bad ones will eventually lose their power.” 

You squeeze his hand, “I don’t think anything could be that bad.” 

Jungkook doesn’t answer with words, just a low hum but you notice the detachment even though it only last a few seconds before he turns his head and smiles at you.

“So what’s in the basket?” You nudge his shoulder before you both stop in front of one of the trees that looks out over the pond. “A blanket I hope.”

“Of course.” Jungkook smirks at you, “I know you hate how itchy grass feels.” 

“Ah,” You eye him over, impressed. “My husband would know that, huh?”

He snorts, “Even best friend me would know that.”

“Details, details.” 

Jungkook places the basket to the grassy ground, opening it quickly as he pulls a folded blanket out, getting it all ready for you both to sit. Once sitting with crossed legs over the soft material, you watch as Jungkook pulls a few more items out. This basket reminds you of a magic, endless bag of items. 

“Oh.” Your eyes light up. “Sandwiches?” 

“Mhm.” He hands you one before pulling out his own. “And also,” He digs deeper before pulling out an assortment of fruits on a little platter. “Fruit. But we can’t forget,” he sets the fruit tray down before digging back into the basket. This basket really is like a magic bag of endless items. How the hell did this all fit? “This too.” He wiggles his brows when he shows you a box of an assortment of chocolates. 

“This is cute.” You laugh a little, “Are we going to feed each other?” 

“Is that something you’re into?” Jungkook raises an amused brow, “Because you’ve definitely never told me before.”

“Maybe I just never had a chance to discover it.” You tease him, “You know?”

“Sure.” He chuckles, “If you say so.”

“Anyway,” You admire the calm pond, “It’s a date. A first date for me. Aren’t first dates a good place for people to get to know one another, right?”

Jungkook sways into you, while his fingers are busy unwrapping his sandwich. “You want to get to know me?”

You poke his cheek innocently while you ignore your own sandwich for now. “As a lover, yes.”

“As a lover?” He glances at you, “Okay, go ahead.”

You beam at his willingness, “What are you love languages?”

“My love lang—Ah,” He nods, “That’s an online quiz you made me take one time. I don’t remember…maybe it was the quality time one?”

You giggle, “Definitely. You like quality time and my guess is acts of service.”

“Hmm, I don’t know.” He shrugs cutely.

“Are you affectionate?” You wonder, “Like to a needy degree?”

“Needy degree?” He repeats your words.

“Yeah.” You nod, “I don’t ever recall you being super touchy with anyone you briefly dated in the past. And it’s not like we ever really showed too much obvious affection either.” 

“Ah,” He gets what you mean now. “I might not be super into PDA if that’s what you mean. But in private…well, yes. Any opportunity to touch you, I take it. I love being all over you.” He admits, averting your gaze while he stares out at the pond. “And I really, really like it when you cling to me too. It makes me feel,” His chest rises before releasing a long breath of air. “Makes me feel needed by you. Loved by you. And as stupid as it might sound,” He tries to suppress a smile, eyes still on the water. “I get kind of sad when I can’t hold you whenever I want.”

His words honestly surprise you. You wouldn’t have guessed any of this especially because his touches with you are so scarce even now. How much is he holding back?

“Really?” You’d cling to him right now if he gave you the word. “That sounds like something I might enjoy too.”

Jungkook finally turns his head towards you with an adorable grin on his face, “It is.”

You feel your skin pleasantly burning. “What are some of your favorite married moments with me?”

Jungkook’s smile slightly drops and a frown that’s too cute to take seriously forms on his face, “Why don’t we wait for you to remember too?”

“No,” You rest your head on his shoulder for a moment, “I like hearing these kinds of things even if I’m unaware. It kind of gets me excited to see it from my perspective one day.” 

Jungkook studies your serious expression when you lift your face again and gaze at him. “Okay, I can share some things.” His all too cute frown disappears when he smiles again. 

“Perfect.”

“There was this time we were visiting our parents for Christmas, I think it was actually our first Christmas as a married couple now that I think about it…anyway, this might be a bit inappropriate—”

“—Thank goodness, I was hoping you’d say something that might be steamy.”

Jungkook laughs at you, “Inappropriate doesn’t automatically mean sexual, you realize that?”

“Oh so it’s not?”

“No, it is but—”

“—How inappropriate are we talking?” You smirk at him.

“If you’d let me tell my story then you’d find out.” He scolds you, “Anyway, we were walking from your parent’s house to mine, they were all already over there, by the way. You took forever to get ready and it was already dark by the time we walked over. And you remember my old car?”

You eye him suspiciously. “…Yes. The magnet.”

“Yup.” He bites his lip while raising a brow quickly. “You made a comment about how you know there’s a long list of girls that I had in the backseat of that car.”

You roll your eyes.

“It’s not even a long list by the way.” His hand goes to your thigh, giving it a squeeze. “But you said and I quote, ‘I wonder if we were actually close in high school, you would have gotten me in the backseat of your car too.’ Which of course just made my imagination run a little wild.” He chuckles, “It almost felt like a fantasy once you said it.” 

“You fantasized about what it would have been like or what?”

“I didn’t really have to rely on my imagination for long.” He admits, voice dipping lower. “I told you that you could easily erase any trace of another girl from that car if you really wanted to.”

Your eyes go wide, “You did not fuck me in that death trap in front of our childhood homes on Christmas.” 

“And if I did?” He challenges you with a sly smile.

“I wouldn’t have let you! I became just another girl in your backseat, oh my god.”

Jungkook’s fingers dance across your thigh, his eyes staring down at the little patterns he’s drawing on your jeans. “Don’t worry.” He says quietly, “Only think of you when I remember that car now.”

You act annoyed, but his touch, even through your jeans…feels enticing. “I better be.”

Jungkook chuckles, finally bringing his hand back to his own lap. “Another favorite memory is when you and I got really, and I mean really bored…and we decided to do something we might have liked to do together if we were actually friends as kids.” 

Your lips form an ‘o’ when you clearly look intrigued, “Okay, that sounds pretty cool. What did we do?”

Jungkook closes his eyes, lips spreading super wide as he recalls it. “We made a homemade movie.”

You immediately nudge his shoulder playfully, “Oh my. A homemade movie? Is this steamy too?”

He scrunches his face, “Something we would have liked as kids, y/n.”

Your teasing smile drops, “Oh yeah.”

“Anyway,” He shakes his head, grin reappearing. “It was so bad yet also so good. We made a scary movie in the house. I’m talking about dramatic light flickering, shadowy figures walking by, cabinets opening on their own and of course, the cheesiest dialogue. I still remember my favorite part. ‘who’s there?’” His voice gets high pitched as he starts dramatically looking around him, getting into character, “’whoever you are…” He pauses again as you stare at him completely amused. 

“wait!” He shrieks, you realize the one he’s mocking is your character obviously...a safe assumption. “It got so cold!” He hugs himself, rubbing his arms dramatically. “Are you a…” He snaps his head to the side, brows comically furrowed. “A ghost?!’” His eyes crinkle as he laughs. “And then it cuts to a scene where the lights start flickering nonstop with creepy music in the background but the best part is, you can clearly see my hand in the background, flipping the light switch on and off.” 

You snort when you hear that part, laughter erupting because you can definitely imagine it. 

You and Jungkook laugh with ease, eyes connected and you realize how natural this all feels. How easy it is getting into this new groove with him and you realize it’s probably because your brain, deep down, feels how familiar and well known this all is. Instead of feeling as nervous as you were previously, you realize this is just you and your best friend. But with a more deeply connected and intimate bond.

You really can’t wait to uncover more of that.

“I’m having so much fun with you.” You tell Jungkook with soft eyes. “I can’t believe this is my life for the last nine years.” 

You hope this bliss isn’t too good to be true. Because you clearly see Jungkook’s lips twitch while an odd look flickers in his eyes. He faces forward again, throat bobbing when he swallows. “You know we’ve barely touched our food, right?” He chuckles, the detached look from earlier revisits and you’re wondering what he isn’t telling you. But you choose to be blind because right now, this magic with Jungkook is all you can see.

~

“Home sweet home.” You yawn out as you and Jungkook walk through your front door. You bend down to unbuckle the straps of your shoes, Jungkook’s hand on your hip as he helps keep you balanced. “It’s only after 8, should we watch a movie or something?”

Jungkook hums out cutely while slipping off his own shoes, “I don’t know…I thought maybe the gentleman thing to do would be dropping you off after our date?”

You turn to look behind you, incredulous look on your face. “Yeah, right.” You scoff, “I’d be mad at you if you did that.”

Jungkook laughs, “I know.” 

You drag your feet to the sofa, plopping down onto it with a satisfied sigh, “Come sit with me.”

Jungkook follows behind, sitting right next to you. No awkward distance this time.

“You know,” Your pointer finger taps against his leg as you look at him, “You can bring your stuff here…you don’t have to pretend to live at that shitty apartment anymore.”

Jungkook leans back, eyes on the ceiling instead of looking at you, “You don’t know what it’s uh, what it’s like to live with me so we should probably not jump into that yet.”

“Jungkook,” You stop tapping against his thigh, instead you rest your palm against it. “If it really bothers you that much you can just stay in the guest bed—”

“—No.” He shakes his head, “That’s okay. Seriously it’s okay.”

“Okay…you’ve been sleeping here most nights anyway so I don’t really see the big deal. That apartment isn’t like you at all.” You watch his reactions to your words carefully, “Doesn’t it make you feel uncomfortable to be in there? There’s nothing in that apartment that reflects you…doesn’t that make you feel like you’re staying in a strangers place?”

“It’s fine.” He mumbles and you notice the detachment once again but then he turns his head to look at you, his features turning softer. “That’s how you felt first coming to this house, right?”

Well, yeah. You nod and when he frowns you immediately wave him off with your other hand, “It doesn’t feel like that anymore. Somehow when you’re here it feels way more like home.”

You can tell he tries not to smile at that but his lips betray him, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You confirm. “Anyway, my mom said that her and your mom are throwing us a little celebration now that I know about us.” 

Jungkook brows pinch, “They’re doing…what?”

“I don’t know, I think they’re excited that they don’t have to pretend like we aren’t together anymore. You know how our moms are…” You chuckle, “They want any excuse to have a party.”

Jungkook nods though he looks conflicted, “Is that really a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be? We’re going there next weekend anyway, right? Plus, they wouldn’t listen even if we said we didn’t want it.” 

“Well, that’s true.” He sighs in defeat. “They’re a force when they’re together.”

“Hey, is Pingu still around?” You suddenly look excited. “He’s not still fighting dogs on the streets, right?”

“Pingu?” Jungkook lifts his back off the couch cushion when he leans into you with a curious expression. “Pingu…the cat?”

You nod slowly, “Who else would I be talking about?”

“You remember Pingu?” He glances to the side, gears working in his head. “Or did our moms mention Pingu?”

“No?” You suddenly grow confused. “Why wouldn’t I remember Pingu?”

Jungkook’s face morphs, looking more fixed than before. “y/n…” He meets your eye again before he’s piecing it together. “Mom didn’t adopt Pingu until just a few years ago. I think we had only been married a couple years…but you remember him?” 

Your mouth falls open to speak but suddenly you’re realizing he’s right…you don’t remember Pingu ever existing as a 24 year old so that means… “Holy shit.” Your eyes begin expanding as your mouth falls open further. “I remember Pingu.”

You remember Pingu!

Jungkook mirrors your exact expression, a giant, excitement filled smile starts growing on his face and then he’s grabbing your hands, “y/n, you remember…” Now he’s laughing, pure joy in the sound. “You remember that fucking cat but not our wedding.” He grips your hands tighter, still exuding his excitement. You can’t but laugh too.

“Yes!” You squirm in your spot, completely thrilled. “I do!”

You both relax, excited eyes on each other when you both soften, his thumbs now brushing against your fingers, “That’s amazing.” He speaks much quieter now, front teeth momentarily sinking into his bottom lip as he smiles. “You really remembered something. This is…”

“Good.” You finish, you match his smile with your own. “I remember that damn cat.”

He tilts his head with a benevolent glint in his eyes, “More will come.” He whispers. “The memories, I mean.”

“No matter how insignificant, I’m happy to remember something so normal.” You tell him but Jungkook shoots you an amused grin.

“Insignificant?” He squeezes your hands. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell my mom you just described her cat like that.”

You can’t help but laugh, “Life is crazy, huh?”

Jungkook’s smile falters but he doesn’t lose the softness on his face, “You have no idea.” 

You pull your hand away from his when you raise a finger and tap the side of your head, “Eh, I might have a clue.” You chuckle. 

Jungkook’s lips tug down, serious eyes on you when he leans closer to you, “Yeah but no matter how crazy…it’s better if we’re together.”

You feel your heart whisper to you in steady, rhythmic beats. Something about its desire to break through your ribcage, falling into your belly with adrenaline pumping in love, in thrill, and into the hands of this man. It wants nothing more than for Jungkook to steal it away.

You take a breath. Eyes focused on him and you don’t blame your heart for feeling this way.

“We are together.” You whisper, your hands going to either sides of his warm face and he nods, looking lost in your touch. Your heart wants to surrender yourself to this man and you are so willing to oblige. As if he wasn’t already the one who owns it. 

“Yeah.” He pulls one of your hands from his face and brings it to his lips, pecking your palm with light, fluttering kisses while he watches you watch him.

“Hey,” You call for him slowly, dreamily, lost in this moment. “How’s…”

“How’s what?” He places one last kiss to your wrist now before lowering your hand.

You suddenly crack a small smile making him eye you curiously.

“How’s our sex life?” You blurt with complete shamelessness.

Jungkook’s eyebrows climb slowly towards his hairline, suddenly looking taken aback before he snorts to himself, a chuckle at the back of his throat. “I shouldn’t be surprised that you asked that.” He shakes his head, “You really…you’re really asking me that?”

You show him a sheepish smile. “Why not? I mean, if you don’t want to tell me…I could always just,” You look around innocently, “You know, find out for myself.” You speak slowly, eyes finding his again.

Jungkook frowns a little, “Not yet.” He swallows, clearly trying to clear his mind from the image of you finding out just how incredible the sex is between you both.

“Are you going to give me another speech on taking things slow?” You tease him.

Jungkook looks pouty, meaning your teasing is successful. “Yes.” He says with a firm nod and furrowed brows. “It isn’t fair for you…I know you in ways you don’t even know that I know. You don’t…I just know you differently. I don’t think it’s fair.”

You release a long puff of air, “You’re the only one who sees it like that, Jungkook.”

“We have to…develop things like it’s the beginning—for now—so please…let’s not rush, you know?”

You chew your lips for a moment before asking, “Did we wait a while back then too?”

Jungkook’s face falls before an embarrassed look flashes across his face, cheeks heating up. He’s so cute, you think. “Um, no. Honestly, we did sleep together the first night.”

You smirk, “Oh really?”

You watch a blush darkens his cheeks. “Yeah.”

“Hmm,” You scoot a little closer to him, leaning your face closer with seductive eyes. “Do you think you could tell me about it?”

Jungkook feels himself drawn closer to you, but he glances away for a second. “Well…we had sex.”

“No, no.” You give him a knowing look. “Can you describe it to me?”

Jungkook releases a shaky breath, lips curved into a small grin. “You want me to describe the night we first had sex?”

“Yeah.” You tell him, “But I want to know the details. From start,” You pause, leaning more forward when your warm breath is at his ear. “To finish.”

He tenses at your close proximity but he doesn’t have it in him to back away, your mouth at his ear, your hands steadying yourself on his thighs with how you’re leaning into him. 

“You want details?” He quietly chuckles, his face feeling hot. “You want to know all the things we did? What I did to you?”

“Mhm.” Your lips graze the shell of his ear, the tickle making his hands act on instinct when he lightly grab your hips, a deep breath leaving his mouth, disappointed his hands moved on their own. “What you did to me…what I did to you.”

“I told you after we first kissed we didn’t want to stop.” He says, voice lower. “I swear I could have just kissed you the entire night,”

“Really?” Your hands slide up to the middle of his thighs, his muscles tense beneath you. 

“Yeah…” He swallows hard, your lips still at his ear when he feels your breaths buzzing around his skin. 

“How did I kiss you, Jungkook?”

He closes his eyes when he feels your lips pressing against his ear. “Um,”

You smile against his ear before you finally pull back a little, your face now just inches from his, his eyes opening again. “When we kissed…did you get as hard as you did the other day?”

Jungkook’s fingers dig into your skin as he lets out a frustrated low groan, “y/n.” He’s warning you.

“What?” You smile. “I’m just wondering how it went, that’s all.”

“You really want to know how that night went?” He asks you, eyes growing darker, maybe heavier.

“You’re right…I should just let you speak, huh?”

“I kissed you,” He begins, “And the moment my mouth was on yours, I felt like I was going to explode. You kissed me back. So fucking needy, did you know that? That you’re needy?”

You stare at him, lip twitching. “I could guess since it’s you.”

Jungkook chuckles, “Mm, you’re right. But do you know how handsy you are too?”

“Was I not handsy enough for you the other night?” You challenge him with a dark gaze. 

He keeps his eyes on you, so focused as his muscles grow more and more tense, your hands still sliding up his thighs. “I won’t answer that.” He says.

“What happened after we made out?” You continue to push the conversation.

Jungkook eyes close, like he’s seeing the vision of it behind his eyelids. His lips part when soft breaths escape. “I kissed you any place you’d let me.”

“I think I’d let you kiss me anywhere.”

He nods, eyes still closed, satisfied smile lifting his lips. “Yeah.”

“So then?”

“I kissed your neck, sucked your skin until you grew impatient with me.”

“Hm,” You watch him carefully, his flushed face making you see the effect on him. You lean forward again, his eyes suddenly opening when your lips attach themselves to the side of his neck. He doesn’t stop you. He only continues.

“I sucked your skin until you were mewling beneath me.” His voice sounds hoarse, eyelids growing heavy again when he feels how you do the same thing to him now. “I kissed down your body, taking your clothes off.”

“Mhm.” You hum against his skin, lips pressing against the side of his neck over and over, fingers pressing deeply into his thighs.

“Fuck,” He groans lowly, “I…touched you everywhere. Feeling you with my hands and my mouth.” He doesn’t realize how his hands that grip your hips are jerking you forward, your body obeying his unintentional commands. “How I tasted you…fucked you with my tongue, my f-fingers.” His hands slide to your lower back, “You felt so tight, y/n. W-Wondered how you’d take my cock.”

You pause the ministrations against his sensitive skin, an intense ache flooding the senses of your core. “And how did I take it?” You breathe heavily against him, “Hm?” Jungkook urges you forward again and before either of you can make sense of it, your knees are on either sides of his thighs, seated in his lap while your chests push up against one another.

“You took me so well…” He looks up into your eyes, a lewdness swirling messily in his dark irises. You bite onto your lip, core barely pressed over the bulge you didn’t get to feel the other night. You keep your hips still though. The aching between your legs only growing stronger at the lack of friction. 

“I hardly fucked you for three minutes before you were creaming my cock, you know that?” 

“Sounds like you knew what you were doing to me.”

“Sounds like you were desperate to have me inside you.” He retorts with a lazy smirk, eyelids half open at this point. 

“Keep telling me.” You softly command, your ass scooting back on his thighs a little so you aren’t sitting directly over his hard length anymore. 

He think you’re being wise.

“I thought we were going to leave it at that but no,” He closes his eyes again. Imagining it. “You crawled over me and took my cock into your mouth. Fuck, you swallowed all of my cum and you—"

You sneak a hand between your bodies, your palm pressing down onto his bulge, making him choke on his words, losing his focus. His eyes remain closed when his brows pull together. 

“Keep going.” You begin rubbing your palm against him, his resolute crumbling when he feels how you touch him over his jeans. It’s not exactly comfortable but it’s fucking relief.

“Um,” He struggles to keep it together. His breaths have grown heavy and erratic, chest rising and falling with each wordless moment that passes.

“Did you like the way I sucked your dick, Jungkook?” You ask him, your core dripping wet just under your pants. 

His tongue pushes against his cheek, trying so hard to focus. The concentrated look on his face makes you so turned on. He’s losing his control, you can tell.

“Your-Your mouth is heaven, love.” He pushes the words out, “Your pussy is too.”

You grind down onto his thighs, unable to keep yourself still anymore. The friction against your clit makes you softly moan above him, your hand pressing harder on the bulge that continues to grow. 

You take the next natural step…other hand going to the band of his jeans, fingers going to the top button when Jungkook, much to his dismay, opens his panicked eyes when his fingers wrap around your wrist to stop you.

“No,” He breathes out roughly, “We shouldn’t. We can’t…y/n we shouldn’t.”

Even he hates what he’s saying, you can tell.

You remove both of your hands from his body, slight sting to your ego when you nod in understanding. He shakes his head, hating how rejected you look.

“Hey,” His hand goes to your jaw, eyes still coated in lust but he tries to clear the fog. “You have no idea how badly I want to be touched by you. How badly I want to touch you.” He bores into your eyes, “But we can’t. Not now. We…” He looks how you feel. “We just shouldn’t.”

You know he might be right no matter how much you don’t want him to be. You want him so badly in every way possible. But you sigh, smiling for him and he immediately relaxes.

“I get it.” You say, “But just so you know…I don’t doubt that you want me too. I can feel how badly you want me, Jungkook.” You lean down slowly, hesitant because you’re afraid it’ll send the wrong message. But Jungkook closes his eyes the moment he realizes you want to give him a kiss. He accepts it. Kissing you back softly. Well, It seems you’re both needy.

~~~

You and Jungkook sit across from one another at the dining room table, amused glances and smiles getting exchanged by you both while you munch on the lunch he made. After the little accidental fun you had together last night, you both decided to relieve the tension with some movies to distract this feeling between you.

He slept on the sofa like usual. And you got off by yourself in your bedroom with him in your mind when you came. 

You know Misuk is going to be over at any moment. She said her mom did in fact make blueberry muffins and she was going to drop some off to you while they’re still fresh. 

Once you’re done eating, you wash yours and Jungkook’s dishes in the sink when there is knocking on your front door.

“Can you get it? It’s Misuk with the muffins,” You inform Jungkook, he nods in understanding, feet taking him out of the kitchen while you continue to wash the dishes from his cooking. 

In the distance you can hear the door opening and shutting and the slight mumbling of voices. You’re wondering what they’re talking about since they aren’t exactly the best of friends right now. You’re curious but you don’t want to snoop. Besides, they’ll probably be walking in here at any moment.

You’re scrubbing a pan when you feel bothered from the inside out. They are still mumbling in the living area. You won’t snoop.

But well, you want to pretend you aren’t snooping but with your back pressed against the wall and ears on high alert while you try to breathe silently as possible—well, you aren’t sure that this isn’t snooping. Especially because you left the sink water running so it isn’t suspicious.

You try to focus on their voices and you’re definitely making out words.

“You don’t have to keep reminding me, Misuk.” Jungkook grumbles. “But once again, I’ll remind you. These are doctor’s orders.”

“Oh?” Misuk scoffs, “How fucking convenient for you.” 

“Can you keep your voice down?” He obviously scolds her. “Look, it makes sense, okay?”

“How the fuck does it make sense?”

Your hands feel clammy as you listen, concern etching itself onto your face.

“Because I’m the one who it closest to y/n. Obviously I—”

“—Closest?” Misuk spits out the word. “That’s fucking hilarious, Jungkook. ‘Closest’” You can hear how she mocks it, your confusion growing so incredibly strong at their exchanges.

“Misuk—”

“—Closest.” She repeats one last time. “She hasn’t spoken one fucking word to you in two years.”

You feel your blood run cold. Heart completely stopping. 

What does she mean? What does that mean? Two years what? You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in two years? No, that’s not…

“But right,” Misuk lowers her tone even more. “Closest.”

---

What a creative concept! I love idiots to lovers so much and I like a good boss b!tch as OC too. And you managed to flesh out their personalities in such a short amount of time. Very fun and sexy!

cursed (Jungkook x Reader)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Rating: NSFW

Word Count: 11,617

Warngings: Angst, bickering, colorful language, mentions of bed hammers, fuck or die scenario (but there is consent, no worriews), smut, so much smut, and overdue library books.

Listening to: Stay Gold by BTS

Author's Note: This is me fulfilling a request (below), and I had a blast. Wasn't sure what to do then the idea fairies beat the shit out of me and poof. This happened.

The request was for a continuation of this, instead I made it bigger and hopefully better.

my masterlist

“Fuck…. Fuck… oh, come on, you gotta be shitting me,” you mutter to yourself as the things in your arms keep tumbling to the floor. Giving up, you place your water bottle, pencil case, and phone on the floor next to the other things you couldn’t carry, then go to get your backpack.

Walking into your bedroom, you glance at the time on the alarm clock next to your bed and hiss, “Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.” You’re going to be late. Rushing out of your room, you practically fall to the floor and haphazardly shove things into your bag. On your feet, you get your shoes on and grab your keys, but before you can get to the door, you have to go back for your phone. 

“I can not be this duck-dicked,” you whisper as you lock the door and finally start heading to the cafe in the dreary November weather. 

Checking your phone, you have four minutes to walk somewhere twenty minutes away. While waiting to cross the street, you send a message to Jungkook that you are going to be late. You know he won’t care, but you don’t want to be rude and late. 

For three years you’d been studying with him, and not once had he given a shit that you were late because you were usually late. At least you weren’t unprepared. You were pretty sure that the only reason he still bothered with you was because it was just the two of you in this program, and you took better notes, but you didn’t care. It was nice not being the only one trying to cram all this shit in your head. 

You didn’t know if Jungkook even had a social life; you certainly didn’t. There was too much to do with school and work, you didn’t have time to do much more than replying to texts within 24 hours, and even then, you failed. 

The only thing keeping you moving forward today was the idea of coffee. Not having to study in the library and having coffee and snacks readily available was like a dream. 

Somehow making it in eleven minutes, you pushed the door open too fast, and it slammed hard against the wall. You cringed, mouthing, “Sorry,” to the barista that you’d terrorized with your aggressive clumsiness, then looked around for Jungkook. 

He was in the corner, head in his hand as he shook with barely stifled laughter. You sighed, ordered a drink and croissant, then went to the table to drop your jacket and stuff off. 

“It’s not that funny,” you said as you pulled your laptop out and set it on the table. 

Jungkook looked up at you, his hand covering his mouth, and you could see his eyes were watering. He took a breath before he dropped his hand and said, “You’re face—” Then he was lost again. 

You rolled your eyes before glancing over your shoulder to see the barista holding your drink up. Picking it up and apologizing again for the door, you finally sat opposite Jungkook at the table and sipped your coffee. 

Leaning back in your chair as Jungkook wiped his eyes, he said, “I have good news and bad news.”

“Bad news first,” you replied as you sat up and opened your laptop. 

Before you could press the power button, Jungkook was closing it on your hand. You glared at him as he said, “I need to go to the library.”

“Fuck you,” you whined, immediately thinking of your croissant that you would either have to eat too fast or wait to enjoy. 

“But,” Jungkook said, looking around before leaning close and continuing in a conspiratorial whisper, “The good news….”

Mirroring him, you asked, “What?”

He leaned even closer and gestured for you to do the same. Then he was whispering in your ear, and despite yourself, you blushed as he said, “Hspspspspssspss.”

You took a deep breath as you sat back and looked pointedly away from him as he giggled. Today might be the day you finally kill him with the biggest, oldest book you could find. Finally looking at Jungkook, he shrugged, “Better than there not being any good news, right?”

“Why do you need to go to the library?” you asked, still not ready to accept this turn of events. 

Jungkook pulled a paper out and slid it across the table toward you. Unsure why, since you’d both gotten it at the same time, then he pointed at the end of a bulleted list in the middle of the page. His finger tapped over the resources needed on the syllabus, and you wanted to scream. 

Leaning back hard in your chair and arms crossed, your whole day had been turned into a fresh pile of steaming shit, and you weren’t ready to deal with it. Jungkook put the paper back in his bag and started packing his stuff up. You were able to finish the coffee and croissant, but it tasted like your plans had changed, and that was bitter and unpleasant. Then you were both shouldering your backpacks and heading out the door. 

You walked in almost silence to the library. At first, you were trying to think of the last time your day had gone your way. Then you bumped into him, apologized, and it happened again. Your cheeks were burning again, but your scarf hid that as you realized you hadn’t walked anywhere with someone in a while. With Jungkook? Never. 

“Not used to walking?” he asked, nudging you with his elbow. 

“Shutup,” you said through your scarf. Your plan at this point was to make it the few blocks to the library without walking into him again. 

Jungkook’s arm went around your shoulders, and he pulled you against his body as he said, “Don’t worry, I got you, Nerd.”

You panicked for a moment but got control of yourself quickly. Jungkook had never done anything like this, but he did weird flirty shit all the time, and you were used to it and could brush it off. It didn’t mean anything, and you weren’t going to succumb to whatever ridiculous ideas you got late at night when you were alone in bed. 

Jungkook was attractive, thoughtful, and fun to be around, but you had priorities. Maybe if you kept repeating that at some point it wouldn’t feel like the flimsy excuse it was. Even if you thought he might like you, you didn’t have a reasonable way to bring this up. Every fantasy you had was of Jungkook approaching you or attacking you because the feelings the imaginary Jungkook had been too much for him to hold back. But that’s not how relationships started. It was just something fun to think about while you fell asleep, nothing more. 

His arm stayed draped across your shoulders until you got to the library; the walk had gone quicker than expected. Jungkook dropped his arm and held the door open for you, and asked, “Usual spot?”

“Doesn’t matter,” you said as you held open one of the second set of doors for him. 

Jungkook walked past you, then greeted the person at the front desk. You did the same, but Jungkook went to the counter. He leaned on his folded forearms as he talked to his friend, and you went to find a pair of desks. 

As you dropped your bag on the privacy desk, you looked up to see Jungkook waving at you. Furrowing your brow, you took your backpack and went back toward the desk. He was grinning, and when you were close enough, he said as quietly as he could, “We can use one of the rooms.”

“Why?” you blurted before adding, “We don’t need a room.”

The guy at the desk, Jimin, according to his badge, rolled his eyes before holding his hand out and saying in a bored voice, “Student ID.”

“C’mon, we never get to use a whole table,” Jungkook whined, tugging at your jacket. 

You watched as Jimin gave Jungkook a reproachful look before he took your ID and started typing. Jimin dropped your ID onto the counter and then handed Jungkook the keycard and a sheet of paper before he leaned close and said, “You get the room for the rest of the day and this card….” Jimin held it up and continued in a severe tone, “It’s a master, so I need it back.”

“You are a lifesaver,” Jungkook said sincerely as he took the card and paper with the rules for using the rooms, “I owe you.”

Jimin’s eyes darted to you before he sat back down and said cockily, “Yeah, you do.”

You tried not to judge people, but it was hard when they were that bitchy. Jungkook started heading toward the room, and as you walked around the desk, you tapped it and said with a grin and venomous tone, “Thanks for all your help, sweetheart.”

Hearing the chair he’d been sitting in move and the frantic whispering, you had to look. You turned around as you walked away and saw Jimin staring daggers at you, and you smiled as he muttered something and sat back down. 

You didn’t know why he didn’t like you, but it didn’t matter. Knowing that you couldn’t do much more than return the same bitchy attitude, this was the extent of your fun, plus being antagonistic to men who didn’t like you was like a drug. It was probably why you had such an instant attraction to Jungkook. He wasn’t like the others. He didn’t mind how rude you could sometimes be, and he never assumed anything. 

Catching up to him, you asked, “How do you pay him back?”

“What?” Jungkook asked before rounding another corner. 

“That guy, how are you paying him back?” you elaborated. 

Jungkook checked the card once he stopped at the room, then dragged it across the black pad next to the door. The red light on the black pad turned green, and there was a click, then he was opening the door as he said, “Don’t worry about it.”

You walked in, placing your backpack on the large table, and realized that you’d gotten a conference room instead of one of the private rooms, “Oh, I’m going to worry. Aren’t these expensive to rent?”

“You need to stop,” Jungkook warned as he took a seat next to you and started to unpack. 

“I won’t,” you said as you unpacked, “Tell me, or you can go a week without my notes.”

Jungkook turned in his chair to look at you, his lips pursed as he raised his eyebrows, “Good luck with the Greek vocab.”

“Why am I being punished?” you ask, nearly shouting in your incredulity. 

“Because you don’t mind your business,” he said, holding a finger up, then added, “And don’t act like one of us needs the other more. This is mutual destruction, bro.”

Sighing, you knew he was right, but you didn’t understand, “I just don’t see why I can’t help pay—”

“Because you don’t have what he wants,” Jungkook cut you off and sounded irritated. He took a deep breath before he said in a gentler tone, “How about a distraction.”

Jungkook ordered you both coffee and snacks from the cafe on campus. They delivered, but it wasn’t as good as the coffee shop you were supposed to be in. You tried to stop him, but he insisted that if you didn’t order something, he would order for you. This was something you didn’t understand about him. It wasn’t like you were destitute. You worked and could afford your own place. Jungkook was the freak that still lived in student housing but acted like he had money to burn; in summation, the math didn’t math. You didn’t even know how to ask for clarification on what his financial standing was, but it didn’t matter. If he wanted to blow his money on food and coffee for you, then you wouldn’t stop him from achieving his lofty goals. 

An hour later and you were barely an inch away from your laptop screen and about to lose your mind. Dramatically you dropped your head to the table and grunted, then asked without lifting your head, “Can you read this?”

You heard some papers shuffling, then felt the heat of Jungkook’s body as he leaned over to look at your laptop. He typed and clicked a few things, sighed, then said, “No one can read that. Who scanned that in?”

Sitting up and frustrated, “Good question… bet I could find them before you.”

Jungkook laughed, then pointed at the screen, “The book is here.”

“So? It’s in the archive, and we aren’t allowed to touch their precious books,” you said. You knew it was at this school, most of the books you needed were here. They were copies or less rare printings, but it was the same reason Jungkook went to this school. 

Holding up the keycard for the room, Jungkook asked, “Or…. we go on a field trip?”

“Shut your fucking whore mouth,” you practically whimpered. You hadn’t missed what Jimin had said. You just didn’t think about actually using it for that. 

Jungkook’s lips were pressed into a hard line before he said, “Rotten people who say mean things don’t get to go to the archive.”

“You tell me what I need to do to get into the archive, and I will do it. I have no shame,” you said, leaning forward and staring into his dark eyes. 

He seemed unsettled by this, but only for a moment before he shook his head and said in a weaker than usual voice, “Don’t make it weird, let’s just go.”

You could barely contain yourself as you and Jungkook snuck into the archive. It wasn’t against any rules for you to go back there, but taking things without permission wasn’t technically allowed or going down there without a chaperone to babysit the books. Neither of you had any intention of stealing. You were legitimately borrowing them and would put them back. No one would know about this, and you were convinced of this as Jungkook found two pairs of white gloves. It had to be a good omen; finally, something was going right today.

Slipping the gloves on, you both split up to grab what you needed. As far as you could tell, the only person on staff right now was being a bitch at the front desk, and when you asked Jungkook, he confirmed this. 

It didn’t take long for you to find what you needed, carefully getting the last book out and making a note of where you got it from on a post-it. As you walked out of the aisle, something fell behind you. You turned on your heel, expecting to see someone. The thud had been so loud that there was no way it had happened accidentally. But there was no one behind you. 

Glancing down, you found a book face down on the ground, not even a foot behind you. You set the rest of the books on a table nearby, then went to make sure that the book that had fallen wasn’t damaged. 

You carefully picked it up and turned it over, immediately knowing that there was something off about this book. The leather was strange. Even with the gloves between your skin and the book, you could feel how rough it was; the weird looping stitches around all the edges only added to the ickiness. The front cover didn’t seem damaged, the corners were fine, and when you cracked it open, the binding all seemed good. Other than it being old and bound in low-quality leather with a thick cord around the edges, the book seemed fine. 

Before you closed it, a word on one of the pages caught your eye. As you opened the book fully to read, you heard Jungkook whisper from a few aisles away, “Let’s go.”

Closing the book and grabbing the others, you quickly jotted down on the same list where the fallen book had come from before catching up to Jungkook. You giggled as you saw the stack he had, and he did the same at the pile in your arms. You both had only needed two books, maybe three if you were ambitious, but you were walking up the stairs and back to the conference room with thirteen books combined. 

Back in the room, you set your books down near your stuff, and even though you knew you should get to work, you couldn’t help yourself. Pulling the last book you’d gotten from the stack, you carefully opened it and started reading. 

Mostly in English, which was a surprise. You figured it had to be some sort of collection, maybe a journal, since it was handwritten. The first few pages had a strange dedication and long poem that you half-read, then you came to the first part. 

Every page had strange illustrations of anatomy and notes, some in English and French. You made it to the second part, and the illustrations were of herbs, flowers, and fungi. The handwriting was similar, but this section was in German. You flipped back and forth to compare the writing, and if it wasn’t the same person writing, then someone went to a lot of effort to mimic the original writer’s handwriting. 

The third section was astrology and in a mixture of Spanish and Swedish, two languages that did not work together well. You continued, finding the fourth section, and you figured out what this book was: a grimoire. 

You chuckled to yourself as you looked at the different recipes, drawings, and instructions, all written in a combination of the previous languages. As interesting as this was, you knew that magic wasn’t real, but the people like whoever made this book were intriguing. You couldn’t tear your eyes away. 

Glancing up to see if Jungkook was busy, you wanted to share what you’d found with him, but he looked deep in thought. You didn’t want to interrupt him. Back to the grimoire, you flipped another page then your eyes locked on something new. 

At the bottom of the left page, there was a newer note in different ink. Sighing as you realized that it was written in Greek for no good reason. Pulling your gloves off, you did your best to sound it out as you wrote it down on a post-it. Absently you were running your finger along the edge of the page, and as you wrote down the last set of characters, the old paper cut into the pad of your index finger, and you hissed as you pulled your hand away.

Jungkook coughed and startled you as you popped your finger into your mouth. When you looked over at him to ask if he was okay, he looked like he was about to be sick. His arm clutched his lower stomach, and he grunted before he turned to look at you. A pained smile spread across his face as you asked, “You good, bro?”

He shrugged and made a noncommittal noise, then got up and left the room, hunched over and still clutching his lower abdomen. You assumed he must have eaten something he shouldn’t have, or maybe he had IBS. If something had been wrong, he would have said something or asked for help. 

With your copy of the strange note, you started working on translating. The comment Jungkook had made earlier about helping with Greek was not him grasping at straws. Out of everything you tried to study, Greek just didn’t make sense to you like other languages did. 

A knock at the door had you panicking until you heard Jungkook’s muffled voice on the other side, “I forgot the keycard. Let me back in. I miss you.”

You got up, opened the door, and asked, “What happened?”

Jungkook rushed past you and sat down without replying. 

“Alright,” you said to yourself as you went back to your seat. Nudging Jungkook once you sat down, and he nearly toppled out of his chair, you asked again, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly, giving you a dirty look before pulling his coat over his lap, “Just.. my stomach. Do you need something?”

The book, you remembered, replying, “Yes,” as you moved closer and grabbed the grimoire. Placing it between the two of you, you tried to ignore how twitchy Jungkook was as you explained what you had found. 

He leaned close, and you heard him inhale deeply, then he said, “It’s probably nothing, doesn’t even look like words—fuuuuuck.”

You froze because the sound Jungkook just made was not even remotely close to pain. He slammed a fist on the table and ducked his head, breathing heavily again, before groaning, “I’m… fuck, fine—ohmygodfuuuuck….”

“Bullshit,” you hissed as you moved away from him. Watching him closely, your mind raced as you asked, “What the fuck is going on?”

Turning away from you slightly, Jungkook moaned again but tried to cover it up with a cough before he did a shitty job of acting like everything was fine, “Nothing, it’s—fuuuuuck—nothing, promise.”

“Do you have a remote-controlled buttplug in or something? Maybe took viagra instead of Adderall?” you offered, knowing full well that Jungkook didn’t take stimulants. It didn’t make any sense why he was acting like this and trying to pretend that he wasn’t moaning like a bitch in heat. 

“Shutup,” he whined, “And don’t make fun of me.”

“You gonna explain?” you said, hoping he would as much as you just wanted to pretend like none of this happened. 

Jungkook sighed and faced you. He looked exhausted, but his face was flushed, and when his eyes met yours, you gasped; his pupils were blown. Almost panting as he gripped the edge of the table, Jungkook tried to speak but only moaned and doubled over again. 

Whatever was going on with him was serious, and you decided he could have his little meltdown in a safer place than the library. “Fuck this,” you muttered and started gathering your stuff. Quickly packing both your stuff and Jungkook’s while he tried to stifle the moaning, you asked, “How far are the dorms?”

“The… what?” he whimpered. 

“Fuck that too,” you muttered as you pulled out something from your backpack you rarely used. Thankful that you had packed your canvas bag despite not thinking you’d need it, you shoved the books you weren’t supposed to borrow into it. You explained to Jungkook as you scribbled on a note for Jimin at the front desk, “We can go to my apartment, then get an Uber or something once you’re over this.” You didn’t want to scare him by saying ambulance, but that was your first thought. Something was very wrong with him.

He didn’t seem to have any problem getting up and taking his backpack; Jungkook even tried to grab the canvas bag. Shaking your head and letting him shoulder the books, you opened the door for him. 

With a noticeable bulge in his pants, he walked through the doorway with his head down. You rolled your eyes, and before the door closed, you saw the keycard and note for Jimin still on the table. “Fuck me left, right, and center.”

Thankfully you had still been holding the door open, and you were able to walk back inside. Reaching out to grab the card and note, there was a thunderous banging on the door. In a panic, you ran, as much as you could run for only three steps, and yanked the door open to see a very terrified Jungkook. 

Holding up the note and keycard, you said, “Almost forgot these… you need to relax.”

Jungkook gripped your upper arms and pulled you out of the conference room, pushing you up against the wall, saying ominously, “Don’t do that again.”

“Do what? Forget things? Sorry, but it’s a horrible character flaw, and if I could—” 

His hand clamped over your mouth, searching your eyes, and hissed, “Don’t leave me alone.”

This was quickly becoming more serious than you were capable of handling. You nodded, now worried that Jungkook might have finally snapped from all the pressure. As he released you and you started to walk toward the entrance, Jungkook took your hand. You glanced over your shoulder as he laced his fingers between yours, and he seemed okay again. 

You’d heard of people having breakdowns or psychotic episodes, and Jungkook was at the right age for something like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder to start, but it didn’t fit. He wouldn’t be fine for the entire time you knew him, then in a matter of fifteen minutes lose his whole fucking mind. 

Getting to the desk, Jungkook tried to pull you away and out the doors, but you reminded him, “We need to give the card back.”

“I’ll do it,” he said, standing too close and then glancing at Jimin, who was watching the two of you, “I don’t trust him.”

You shrugged, handing him the card and the note, which he read. Then he was dragging you with him and slammed both on the desk as he said in a rush, “Here, we’ll be back later.”

Jungkook continued to pull you along, even though Jimin was standing and yelling something, but you were already out the doors. For a moment, he led the way, and you asked, “You going to be okay in the dorms or…?”

“No,” Jungkook shot back like you’d offended him, “We’re going to your apartment.” He stopped, his hands on your arms again, and he looked like he was about to cry, “You promised.”

Yupp, he’s broken, you thought before you forced a smile and said, “I did, but this isn’t the way to my place.”

Jungkook sighed then smiled at you, “Okay, you should probably lead then.”

“Yeah…” you said, wondering how bad this would get. 

Unlike walking to the library, Jungkook kept your hand in his the entire walk, running his thumb along yours constantly. That spot would probably be sore by the time you got to your apartment, and it was. 

You unlocked the front door, ignoring the mailbox or anything else. During the walk, Jungkook would jerk you away from anyone else who happened to pass. You went ahead of him up the three flights of stairs, then down the hall to your apartment, and that’s when all the adrenaline of helping someone in distress wore off, and the anxiety kicked in. 

As you got your door key isolated and lined up with the deadbolt lock, you realized that you had never had anyone else in your apartment. You took a deep breath, unlocked the door, then let Jungkook in. This wasn’t going to be a big deal, and if something was really wrong, you’d call 911 or something. 

Frustrated that he wouldn’t release your hand, you did your best to lock the door and get your outside stuff off, but it was no use. Irritated, you shook your arm as you said, “Let go for a fucking minute.”

You were free, but it didn’t last as you were slammed against the door a few seconds later. Jungkook was bearing down on you and looked completely unhinged. It was hard to say if he was going to cry or shout at you, maybe take a bite out of your neck; none of these options appealed to you. 

Before he could decide what he was going to do, you started in the kindest voice you could muster, “Sor—I’m sorry, I needed to get my coat and stuff off. It’s okay.”

Cautiously raising your hand and hoping that this would help, you brushed his hair out of his face, and Jungkook seemed to melt into your touch. His lips parted, and his head tilted, then he kissed the heel of your palm before his eyes opened. With a heavy sigh, he whispered, “You aren’t mad at me?”

You said exactly what you were thinking, “What?” Quickly pulling it together, since one of you had to be rational, you added, “I wasn’t mad, just a little frustrated. It’s—what are you doing….”

Jungkook didn’t reply as he continued to kiss your hand. You were too scared at this point to do anything but let it happen as his tongue ran along your index finger. It wasn’t until your backpack fell off your other shoulder and crashed to the floor that either of you was aware of anything else. 

He grinned, looking a little drunk now, as he said, “Show me around. I’ve never seen your place before.”

“No, you promised you’d tell me what was going on,” you lied. He didn’t promise anything, but you hoped that he wouldn’t remember that. 

His brow furrowed as he thought, then his eyes met yours, and he shrugged.

Now you were getting angry, and you took a steadying breath as you explained, “You were fine, totally normal, then you started acting like—”

“I’m not high,” he cut you off, then looked up as he hedged, “I didn’t take anything… I don’t think I’m high.”

“Alright, let’s skip what happened for now,” you said, deciding to help him get his coat and the bags off as you asked, “Can you tell me what’s going on? Are you in pain? Do you feel sick?”

“It comes and goes… I think,” he said as you set his backpack and the canvas bag down, you heard Jungkook chuckle. You glanced up before you started to unzip his jacket while his arms were hanging at his side. When you pushed the coat off his shoulders, he tipped his head forward and rested against your forehead as he sighed, “I feel really good now that you’re taking care of me.”

Guiding his moody ass to the couch, you told him you just needed to grab something, and then you’d be right back. He nodded but got up and followed you as you went to grab the grimoire out of the canvas bag. Jungkook also followed you back to the couch, insisting on sitting as close as possible. 

It didn’t matter. You could look things up on your phone while you flipped through the book until you found that page again. Once you were on it, you didn’t waste time trying to read the note but focused on the rest of the page. 

You didn’t believe in this stuff, but it didn’t seem to matter how many times you thought that since Jungkook was still trying to get even closer. By the time you caved and asked him what he thought, he was sitting behind you with his arms around your waist. If you had had any doubts about what was going on with him, they were obliterated the second he started inching closer to you. 

“Hey, can you read any of this?” you asked, holding the book up and hoping he could focus for even a few minutes. 

You nearly dropped the book as Jungkook spoke he sounded like himself again despite what he was doing, “Yeah, move it a little closer.”

Now that you were waiting for him while he muttered in French, German, Swedish, and Spanish, you were able to process what he was doing. You knew, but you didn’t really pay attention until you didn’t have the book distracting you. 

He had both arms around your chest, one pushing up under your breasts, so they were resting on his forearm as he continued to squirm behind you. Jungkook’s front was flush against your back, his legs bracketing your own like you were both on a motorcycle, but you were the one driving. You knew what that was being pressed against your ass, but you didn’t want to think about that. You shouldn’t think about it, but you could feel his heartbeat pulsing from the bulge digging into your ass despite both of you wearing jeans.

Mercifully, Jungkook chuckled, and that got you out of your head. He rested his chin on your shoulder as he said cheerily, “That’s cute. Where’d you find it?”

“What’s cute about it?” you asked, desperate for any information. 

“It’s a bunch of dirty words,” Jungkook replied. The arm that had been a shelf for your tits started moving, “I think it’s cute.”

If you had the ability to be honest with yourself, the attention he had been showing was exactly what you had wanted, but these were not the right circumstances. Good thing you weren’t going to be honest with yourself… yet. 

As his hand cupped your breast, you laughed awkwardly and stood. Turning and taking a step back, you held a hand up and said in a too friendly voice, “You need some water.”

You didn’t turn around as you backed away from him, worried he might do something drastic again. Barely ten feet away from him, so close to the kitchen and a moment to yourself to think, you watched as Jungkook’s dopey smile and dewy eyes seemed to lose focus, then he clutched his stomach and howled in agony. 

Back at his side, water and that moment to think forgotten, you did your best to get him to sit up and realized too late where you wound up. On your knees between his legs, both your hands holding his face as you were about to ask where the pain was when you noticed he had relaxed. An awful idea popped into your head, but you couldn’t do it without telling Jungkook. 

Getting him to look at you was hard, he seemed dazed but made eye contact and smiled at you. You smiled back, then said, “Hey, there you are. I want to try something.”

“Yeah?” he asked dreamily. 

“Stay calm, and if you let me do this, you can have whatever you want,” you said, then felt your stomach clench. You spoke without thinking, but it was too late, and you needed answers more than dignity. 

Jungkook’s arms were around you and pulling you close as he practically purred, “You can do whatever you want, then my turn.”

“Okay, cool,” you said, feeling genuine panic as you tried to get out of the death grip he had on you. Finally, on your feet, as he looks up at you, you instruct, “Stay on the couch and let me know if it starts to hurt. Okay?”

Nodding up at you, you start backing away. You wait after each step, and instead of making it to the kitchen this time, you barely make it four steps before he winces. Closing the distance but still standing, Jungkook wraps his arms around your legs as the pieces start falling into place in your head. 

Jungkook sniffles and asks in a weak voice, “This game is shit. Is it my turn yet?”

You sigh because you need more information, and the only time he has seemed like himself was in a compromising position. Tilting his head back, you say, “Lean back. I’m almost done.”

He does as you ask, and you reluctantly climb onto his lap. His arms are around you, and he’s pulling you as close as possible, that now familiar bulge against your inner thigh. With his head pressed against your chest, you try to reach for the book. Hoping that you were right about this, you ask, “Can you try to read again?”

Jungkook nods against your chest and turns to the side you have the book. His hands that were on your sides start to move lower as his breathing evens out, and in a very calm voice, he asks, “What happened?”

“Trying to figure that out,” you offer, moving the book closer, “Any of this make any sense?”

“Not really,” he says, then he sits up and tries to take the book, “Ugggh.”

His face buried between your covered breasts and his hands on your ass, you give him a few minutes to recover. You could read enough of what the page said to know that it was basically a jumbled mess of obscenity, but that didn’t mean the note in the margin was related to it. None of that seemed to matter at this point. 

With one arm around him, holding him against you so that you could get the book out of reach. You leaned into him and cradled his head as you resigned yourself to this. It seemed that the closer you got, the closer you had to stay. 

You didn’t panic as you felt his hand sliding around your ass to between your legs. Feeling him there under these circumstances didn’t feel good. Running your fingers through his hair as he ran his along your jean-covered sex, you whispered, “It’s gonna be okay.”

Jungkook sighed, “Liar.”

You laughed, but it was lifeless, then you asked, “Are you you again?”

“For now,” he said as his other hand went between your legs. 

You took a deep breath before you said, “We can figure it out later.”

“I feel like I’m losing my mind,” he said through gritted teeth, “I’m so sorry… I need more.”

With his arms out of the way, you were able to pull your sweater off and drop it behind you. Jungkook moaned as one of his hands abandoned its efforts of burrowing into your jeans and grabbed one of your breasts roughly. This allowed him to look up at you, and his expression was tortured. 

You tried to smile but failed as you said weakly, “Only way out is through?”

“Ew, don’t drag Robert Frost into this,” he joked before his hand flipped the cup of your bra under, “Fuck, I’m really sorry.”

He pinched your nipple, which you couldn’t help reacting to, but you knew that you couldn’t keep going like this. Reaching behind, you unhooked your bra as you said, “No more apologizing. It’s making this really weird.”

The bra joined your sweater, and both of Jungkook’s hands were palming your breasts. He nodded but said, “I’ll make this up to you, I promise.” 

Closing your eyes, you gave in. If this was what had to be done, then you were going to enjoy it. You opened your eyes and searched Jungkook’s as you cupped his cheeks before you said, “Just make me cum, and we’re even.”

His eyes went wide for a moment, then the corner of his mouth twitched. You had a few seconds to appreciate this stunned look before he flipped you onto your back and was jerking at your jeans. When you tried to help him with the zipper, he swatted your hand away but was grinning. 

Even as he pulled your pants off and tossed them over his shoulder, he wasn’t in any pain. As long as he wasn’t hurting, you could maybe enjoy this. Knowing that for at least a little while, you’d be able to talk to him, the real him, you wouldn’t have any reason to feel bad. This still felt like you were taking advantage of the situation, but that was easier to ignore with him actively participating. 

Your jeans had hit the window in Jungkook’s excitement, but nothing was broken. They just made a sound as the button hit the window and startled you. As soon as you were down to just your panties and socks, he laid next to you with your legs draped over his now tilted lap. With one of his arms under you, his hand quickly found the back of your neck, while the other was ghosting over your skin. As he spoke, he traced your collarbone then down the center of your chest, “Guess we’ve never had the conversation, but….”

His voice trailed off as his fingers went lower, barely touching you as he reached the waistband of your panties. Jungkook was watching his hand as he spread your legs while he finished, “... do you have a boyfriend? I don’t even know if you like guys.”

The giggle that left your lips was half out of amusement at what he said, and the other half was pure nervous energy. His fingertips barely touched your inner thighs as they moved closer and closer; you did your best to explain, “I’m single.”

Jungkook faced you and looked confused, “Really?”

“Why would I lie about that right now?” you blurt, then moan as he finally touches you. Your jeans had been enough protection to ignore what he had been doing before, but you could feel everything now. 

When you were able to focus on him again, he was smirking and said, “I don’t think I need to worry about making you cum.”

You bit your lip as he continued to delicately run just the tips of his fingers along your sex, but it didn’t help. You started to move your hips to get more, and then he ducked his head. Spreading your legs wider as he swirled his tongue around a nipple, you said in a breathy voice, “I thought you were dying.”

Feeling his breath fanning out against your skin as he spoke, you barely registered what he said, “We could stop and test that theory.”

“Smartass,” you whimpered. 

Jungkook adjusted, propping himself up on the arm that had been under you, and asked, “Can I try something?”

“We are trying a lot right now,” you pointed out, but when he continued to tease you, you shrugged, “But go ahead.”

Grinning as his eyes went dark, the hand that had been between your legs was now gripping the crotch of your panties, then jerked up. You yelped as you were suddenly and violently relieved of your underwear. The same hand was now between your legs and flush against your sex. 

Jungkook’s head dropped to your shoulder as he said, “I’ll buy you a new pair.”

“It’s cool,” you say, sounding distinctly not cool, “You can’t help it.”

He sighed and lifted his head, “I could have just taken them off. That way seemed more fun.”

You were stunned. Jungkook kept talking, but you weren’t hearing him. All you could think about was him trying to have fun at a time like this. You were completely naked, except for socks, but they don’t count, and he was touching—no, he was holding your pussy in an oddly intimate way and trying to make this fun. 

“You okay?” he asked, but all you really registered was his middle finger starting to move. 

Nodding, you licked your lips which were too dry, and said, “Yeah, fun, sure.”

“Fuuuuck,” Jungkook groaned, and you felt his body convulse next to you before he pushed his middle finger inside you. He took a deep breath as he slowly relaxed, he asked in a panic, “You’ve had sex, right?”

“Yeah,” you replied and realized that you had both hoped that this would be enough. Finally, just giving in to the inevitable, you said with more confidence than you had, “No worries. Keep going.”

He lifted his head to look at you, his face reflecting your own, and that there were many worries, but you couldn’t stand seeing him in pain again. Each time it happened, it seemed to be worse, like he’d just been shot or stabbed in the gut. 

Getting one leg propped on the back of the couch, you raised your hips and whispered, “Please… keep going.”

Jungkook still seemed unsure, but he pulled his hand back and slipped another finger inside you. Already this was more action than you’d had in a while, and it was with someone who you had only dreamed about doing this with, which only made it worse. Before you could spiral down the tunnel of ‘why like this’, you realized your eyes were closed. 

Opening them to see Jungkook’s half-lidded eyes locked on your face was overwhelming. With his lips parted and his cheeks flushed, it was so much better than your imagination could ever muster. 

“This okay?” he asked his voice barely above a whisper. 

You thought for a moment, knowing that he was asking if you were okay and not if what he was doing to you was satisfactory. Deciding to not be completely delusional about the situation, you said, “Yeah…” but then you added, “Very okay. You aren’t gonna break me.”

The half-smile on his face was smug as he pulled his fingers out and used them to circle your clit. You moaned and arched your back as he said under his breath, “Wow….”

You were immediately self-conscious, but he hadn’t stopped. His slick fingers sliding over your clit felt so good, better than your own ever had. You were getting close, but before you could tell him, he filled you again, this time with three fingers. 

Breathing hard, you searched his eyes as he asked, “You like it?”

Scared to speak, you nodded. You didn’t trust your mouth anymore and for good reason. While you nodded, you wanted to tell him that you loved how his fingers felt inside you, that you wanted to cum on them and then suck them clean. Now was not the time for that. 

Jungkook repositioned, able to fuck you with his fingers while he circled your clit with his thumb. He was watching you intently now, and as you were fighting back the urge to tell him the innumerable indecent things that were running through your head, you remembered why this was happening. 

“More,” was all you could get out at first. 

Tilting his head, Jungkook asked, “I mean, fisting could be—”

“No, shithead, you need to do more,” you cut him off and saw the panic flash across his face. 

Jungkook sat up, and you were on your knees, pulling at his shirt. This was more for you, but not your weird crush on him. You didn’t want to be the only one naked, plus seeing him shirtless would be fun. He was having fun, why couldn’t you?

“Goddamn,” you said in awe once Jungkook’s shirt was gone but got back on track. As you were sinking to the floor, you said, “Pretty sure as long as we keep…. going, you’ll be okay.”

You started to unbutton his jeans when his hands were on covering yours. Glaring up at him, you asked, “What?”

“I just….” his words faltered, and he couldn’t look at you. 

Your shoulders dropped, and you knew that it wouldn’t be long before he was racked with pain again. Dire situations required drastic measures, so you grabbed the bulge in his jeans and said, “You were contemplating fisting me like a minute ago. Now is not the time to be coy.”

He looked scared again and nodded, then said in a weak voice, “I was thinking we could do something else….”

Already panicking that he would start screaming in agony any second now, you didn’t have time to process his request and agreed, “Sure, what do you want to do?”

Jungkook’s eyes dropped to between your legs for a split second before he started to speak, but you didn’t have time for it. Back on his lap, you took one of his hands and placed it between your legs while you tried to get his jeans opened. 

You dared a glance up at him as you said, “I don’t know how aware you’ve been, but if you wait too long you are going to be sorry.”

“It’s hard to think,” he said, and you panicked. 

“Fuck,” you muttered, then asked, knowing he’d already be a little loopy from how things had been going, “What do you want to do to me, Jungkook?”

That dopey smile was back as he replied, “Taste you.”

You took the hand from between your legs, isolated one of his fingers, and sucked on it. His eyelids fluttered, then he was back. Beyond a point of checking to see who wanted to do what or what was okay, you asked, “How bad do you want to go down on me?”

Seeing the confusion shift so dramatically to lust on Jungkook’s face was all you needed to die happy. You cocked an eyebrow before you leaned close, running your tongue along the shell of his ear before you whispered, “Make me cum.”

You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped you as he pushed you onto your back, then you realized he was between your legs and shirtless, and the thing that had stunned you when he first took his shirt off was all you could see. You had had an idea that he was in at least decent shape, and you wouldn’t have cared if it was better than that, but that’s not what caught your attention: Jungkook was covered in tattoos. 

Seeing the ones on his arms had only cemented the idea that he wasn’t attainable, and that had been okay. Now that you could clearly see the extent of them along with his piercings, you knew that this was going to be the only time you got to see them. Assuming you both survived whatever was going on. 

As he craned his neck to look up at you, it was almost more than you could handle, then he grinned and lowered his head. Jungkook pressed his lips between your breasts before he started moving lower. It was hard to focus on any one thing. The way his shoulders and arms flexed, the tattoos, his eyes, it was all too much. 

Placing his hands on your thighs and gently pushing them open, he was still maintaining eye contact with you as he asked, “You okay?”

And like that, you were back in the moment and reminded of what you were supposed to be doing. You shook your head to attempt to clear your thoughts, then said, “You’re talking too much.”

Jungkook cocked an eyebrow, then hooked his arms around your thighs and pulled you close, “So are you.” Then he ran his tongue from your entrance to your clit and back again. 

With one hand gripping the couch, the other was on the back of Jungkook’s head. You watched as he smirked before flicking his tongue back and forth over your clit, and you couldn’t stop yourself, “Cute, too bad I still haven’t cum yet.”

He growled. Jungkook growled between your legs. You could have been the one cursed and dropped dead in as much pain as there was and still die with a smile on your face after that. It was impossible to know, but every time before this, when he’d gone a bit further, he had a moment of lucidity. Your heart ached at the thought that the real him had done that. 

His open-mouthed kissing was sweet, and it felt nice, but it wasn’t going to do what he set out for, and you didn’t want him to fail. That would only add insult to injury. You took a few deep breaths as you stared up at your ceiling, then lifted your head and unleashed, “Fill my cunt and focus on my clit with that pretty mouth or quit wasting my time.” 

“Sonuvabitch,” Jungkook muttered against your pussy. He stared up at you for a moment before he smirked, then did as you instructed. 

Feeling him work three fingers inside you like he had before had you moaning, “Fuck, just like that.”

He isolated your clit with his lips as he rolled his tongue back and forth over it, and you could hear him moaning. Despite how good this felt, you still had an annoying pang of worry that this wouldn’t be enough. Just in case, you said as clearly as you could, “Play with my ass.”

Jungkook sighed, and you felt his hand twist and saw his elbow sticking out from under your thigh as you felt pressure on your asshole. Weaving your fingers into his hair, you focused on keeping your legs open as he pushed you over the edge. Your back arched, and you felt the unfamiliar sensation of someone else making you cum as Jungkook slowly pushed his thumb into your ass. 

You relaxed as you felt your heart racing. Jungkook hadn’t stopped, simply slowed what he was doing. Lifting his head, he said, “You’re going to need more than one to make us even.”

“How are you feeling?” you asked, scared of what he might say. 

His face fell, and you knew you had to keep going. Sitting up and lifting his head by the chin, you said, “How about I show you what I can do with my mouth.”

He seemed genuinely conflicted, and that would give you even more to cherish once this was over. You snapped your fingers, “Not to be rude, but I don’t think getting me off is going to fix this.”

Jungkook was still not speaking, and you knew that it wouldn’t be long. This constant desperation was starting to get to you, and you said, “You go down on me, and that’s fine, but I can’t reciprocate. That doesn’t make sense.”

“This isn’t how this is supposed to happen!” Jungkook shouted before slapping a hand that still had your cum on it over his mouth. 

You blinked a few times before scooting back on the couch. Now you needed to verify that whatever had been hurting him was real. What he’d just said that had both of you spooked confirmed it, but something about this seemed off. It was like he was hiding something, but that didn’t make sense either. 

As soon as Jungkook sat, he doubled over and collapsed on the floor. His face was frozen in a silent scream, and every muscle in his body was rigid and spasming. Had you not seen it yourself, you wouldn’t have believed it. 

Shoving at the table that was in the way, you got on top of him and jerked at his jeans until they were past his thighs. Pulling them off and dropping them, Jungkook understood and was pushing his boxer briefs down. You took them too, then got on top of him. 

His cock sandwiched between his stomach and your cunt, Jungkook sighed and rubbed his eyes as he tried to catch his breath and calm down. You gave him as much time as you could to pull himself together before you started to move. 

Dropping his arms, he chuckled weakly before looking at you, “I’m gonna die.”

“I have a plan,” you said, grinding against him, “But you need to trust me.”

He nodded, “Of course, whatever you need.”

Cumming made it a little easier to think, but this was still distracting; as dire as it was, you couldn’t help it. You couldn’t look at him as you spoke, needing to focus on what your hips were doing as you explained, “In a few minutes, we will need to switch again. I need you to read this note in the book and see if you can figure it out while… you… um… fuckmefrombehind.”

You rushed the last part, but he still heard you and asked, “What?”

“Read the book while you fuck me,” you said before pinching one of his nipples, “You’re the language nerd, fucking do it.”

Jungkook didn’t react to what you’d done other than grin and said in the same dreamy voice you were starting to fear, “You’re hot when your mean.”

“Fuck,” you hissed, panicking that it was already too late. 

His hands were on your hips, and he was laughing, “I’m fine, sorry, it was just me.”

Tilting your head, you asked, “What do you mean ‘it was just you’?”

“You’re hot when your mean,” he said sheepishly before adding, “And if you pinch me again….” Jungkook slapped your ass and winked at you as he finished, “... well, you’d have to be stupid enough to do it again to find out.”

“Are you fucking serious right now?” you asked, irritated that he had the audacity to do this bullshit flirting at a time like this. You were pretty sure you had done something to start this, but he thought now was a good time for this. When all he did was shrug and guide your hips, you took a deep breath, “Anyway… you good with the plan?”

“Not a fan of the position,” he said, then quickly added, “But yeah, reading while… yeah, sounds like… fun?”

Rolling your eyes, you stood and got off him to get in position next to the table with the book still open to the right page. That had to be a miracle. Before you could get to your knees, he grabbed your arm. Jungkook was on his feet too and turned you to face him. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” you sighed as you looked into the glazed eyes of curse-riddled Jungkook. 

He pulled you closer and growled, “Mine.”

Automatically you tried to jerk your arm away, and he snapped. His hand curled into a fist at the back of your head as he walked you back until you were up against the wall. Lifting one of your legs as he muttered, “Mine… only mine….” Then he filled you in one thrust. 

You almost fell as Jungkook regained control, stuck balancing on one leg, as he said, “This doesn’t feel like the plan.”

“It isn’t!” you shouted. 

“Fuck,” he whispered before asking, “What happened?”

You let your head fall back against the wall as you explained, “Same bullshit that has been happening every fifteen minutes, sometimes less.”

“Fuuuck,” he moaned, and you felt him roll his hips. 

“Don’t you dare get distracted,” you warned, but it was too late. 

As he pulled out, you were lost too. This was something you hadn’t experienced in longer than you cared to think about, and only a few times at that. Any previous sexual encounter you had seemed laughable as Jungkook pulled out until just the head of his cock was still inside you. 

“You are so wet,” he said, sounding impressed before he asked, “I haven’t been too rough or anything?”

“No,” you said, hoping you didn’t sound as desperate as you felt. 

Slowly filling you again, then grinding against you, he moaned your name. You covered your face with your hands, fully freaking out and trying not to fall apart. You’d been through too much at this point to have that break you. 

Yelping when you felt him shift, your hands flew to his shoulders, and you stared into his eyes as he lifted your other leg. He leaned close then, resting his forehead against yours as he said between panting breaths, “I think… I have… a plan.”

All you could do was nod before he pulled back and thrust into you, his mouth dropping open as he moaned loudly. In a rush, you asked, “What’syourplan?”

Pulling back again, he shrugged before bottoming out, then said in a ragged voice, “Grab the book.”

It was at that point you realized he was getting to his knees. Panicked and getting fucked was not the best combination, but you were able to lean and grab the book. Righting yourself, with your finger sandwiched between the pages, you held it against your chest, “What nex…fuuuuuck.”

He had your legs hooked over his forearms, and his hands were holding you up and cupping your ass. Instead of letting you speak or continuing with his plan, Jungkook started to lazily thrust. You clutched the book to your chest as you could barely remember that you couldn’t drop it, let alone not lose the spot you were marking with only a finger. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, “I can focus, I promise.”

“Good for you,” you panted, then checked the book before asking, “What’s next?”

Jungkook smiled at you and asked, “You want the good news or bad news?”

“If you do that whispering bullshit again, I will leave you here to die,” you threatened, even though both of you knew that you hadn’t meant it. 

Chuckling as he dropped his head back and then took a deep breath, he muttered, “This isn’t how….” You couldn’t hear the rest of what he had said to himself before he lifted his head and glanced down. He rolled his hips, sighed, and said, “I’m going to carry you to your bed.”

All you did was look at him suspiciously, and he added, “Place the book by your head, and I can do what I need to so I can read, duh.” A final thrust, and he was asking, “Ready?”

“I could just stand up—ohmygod!” you shouted as he stood and tossed you slightly in his arms to adjust his hold, and you clamped your free hand around his neck. Being thrown around like this was alarming under normal circumstances, and you knew that you had to show how you felt on your face as he grinned at you. 

With the book pressed between your bodies, he chuckled, “Want to see something cool?”

Before you could reply, he moved you instead of his hips, then let yours fall back against him. You ducked your head and started cursing under your breath as he laughed, “Told you it was cool. Where’s your room?”

“How are you fine?!” you shout into his chest. 

All you got was a shrug as he started to walk like he wasn’t carrying you. Too much impossible shit had happened today, and you didn’t know if you were ever going to recover from it as he walked down the hall and opened a door, “Nope, bathroom.”

“Across the hall,” you offer, defeated. 

Opening your bedroom door, you can’t even bring yourself to be embarrassed that you’d left your vibrator on your bed. That had been your reason for being late in the first place. Being around Jungkook was always easier if you released any excess energy. 

As Jungkook knelt on your bed, he bent at the waist to gently lower you, then said, “This could come in handy.” Holding your vibrator and waving it at you, “Thoughts?”

“Read!” you yelled, then realized you weren’t actually being the one affected by some weird sex curse. You felt awful as his face fell, but before you could say anything, he doubled over again.

“Fuuuuck,” he groaned, his body curling over yours. 

Panic hit you because he was balls deep at this point, and it wasn’t enough. Realizing you could fix everything else later, you wrapped your arms around him and tried to move as you said, “Fuck me…. Jungkook, c’mon, fuck me.”

His hips stuttered then he started to move. A few seconds later and he was panting as the muscles in his body started to relax, and he asked, “Where’s the book?”

Propping himself up on his elbows as you opened the book and set it next to your head, all the while his hips snapped. You were torn between watching his face as he read and what he was doing between your legs. 

“Fuck,” he said under his breath. 

You were confused, “What?”

He flipped the book closed, planting his hands next to your shoulders before shouting, “Fuck!”

“Tell me. I can help—”

His fist landed a few inches from you, then again as he continued to shout, “Fuck! Fuck! No!”

Without a thought, you grabbed his face and pulled him down. Your lips against his, neither of you moved for a moment before he pulled away. His lips were barely an inch from yours, and as much as you didn’t want to, you couldn’t keep doing this without at least telling him how you felt. If he was really going to die, then he needed to know that he hadn’t made you do anything. 

Your face contorted, eyes squeezed shut so tight you saw stars, and you whispered, “It’s okay, it’s going to be okay. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to, I promise.”

“Don’t,” Jungkook whimpered. 

You pressed on, “I like you so much, it fucking hurts.”

Jungkook stilled but didn’t pull away, he didn’t breathe, and you kept going as tears started to escape, “This is my fault. I’m so sorry, I read something, and it did this to you because of my stupid feelings.”

“Wait—what?” he asked, but you couldn’t look. 

“I can’t read that shit,” you babbled, wishing you could cover your face, “And neither can you, and your gonna die, and it’s all my fault—hmph!”

Your eyes snap open as Jungkook kisses you and thrusts deep into you. To say you are confused, disoriented, and even thoroughly bamboozled wouldn’t fully encompass what you were feeling. 

Lifting himself and searching your eyes, Jungkook asked, “You really mean that?”

“Which part?” you ask as you study his face. 

“You like me so much it hurts?” he explained as a smug smile spread across his face. When all you did was glare at him, he gathered your wrists and pinned them above your head, “You are going to be mad—” You started to shout, but he was able to keep your arms pinned with one hand while the other covered your mouth, and he continued, “Yeah, I know, but if you actually read that, then this was totally your fault.”

You had never been that pissed before as you bellowed from under his hand, “What?!”

“Uh, yeah, So I read that the first time you showed me,” he said, thrusting randomly as he spoke, “Back in the library.”

All you could do was glare at him, and he kept talking, “I didn’t think it was real. I thought it was my appendix or something, but… you’re gonna be so mad.”

You were struggling under him, but he had you completely immobilized. Leaning close as he shushed you, he said in an apologetic tone, “I’ll tell you, but you gotta not be mad. You didn’t believe this shit either, remember?”

Breathing hard, you tried to think, and it was really hard because he was still fucking you, albeit poorly at this point. You knew that he was right, but he should have told you he had read it long before this. Nodding, you hoped that he would actually explain, but you planned to act like everything was fine regardless. Because if he didn’t explain, you were going to take this out on him with your bedroom hammer (a hammer kept at the bedside in case of intruders, totally normal).

“Calm?” he asked hopefully. You muttered behind his hand, and slowly he pulled it away, “Didn’t understand you, sorry.”

“I am as calm as I can be,” you said in a brittle voice, trying to keep it together, “Now explain why you didn’t say anything sooner. Now.”

“Right,” he said, wincing as he rolled his hips, “So…. the thing you read is a curse.” You jerked your arms when he didn’t continue, and in his panic, he blurted, “I had to confess!”

You froze under him as your mind reeled. Seeing that you appeared calm, he continued, “And you said all that, so I wanted to ask if you were serious or if it was just because I might die….”

“Let go of my wrists and find out how serious I am, Jungkook,” your voice was eerily calm. 

Both his hands on your wrists, Jungkook shook his head, “Nope, I like you too, probably liked you for longer.” Then he let out a weird laugh that sounded almost like a bark and said, “Not cursed anymore….” his voice trailed off as you clenched your jaw, and he finished weakly, “Yay….”

“Fuuuuuuck,” he groaned, collapsing on top of you and releasing your wrists. 

You felt bad, but for the first few seconds, you thought he deserved it. Instead of gloating while he spasmed on top of you, you offered, “You sure you confessed? Because if you had, this wouldn’t be happening to you right now.”

Jungkook took a gulping breath before his hands were cupping your cheeks, and he gasped, “I love you,” then collapsed on top of you with a satisfying groan. 

Blinking at your bedroom ceiling, you wondered if he was dead. Yeah, he was breathing and making little noises, plus his dick was twitching every few seconds inside you, but he could be dead. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, “I’m so sorry.”

You shrugged. As mad as you had been, that last burst of pain from the curse had satisfied the righteous indignation that had been taking over your mind. Patting him on the back, you said, “So… you wanna watch Detective Pokemon or….”

“Sleeeeeep,” his voice came from next to you. 

Then, as if the day couldn’t get any fucking worse, you were gripped with a new panic. Scrambling to get out from under Jugnkook and get dressed, you checked the time and hoped you’d be able to make it back in time. 

Jungkook had flopped onto his side but had started to push himself up as he asked, “What’s wro—”

“The books!” you shouted before you ran out of the room. 

His eyes went wide. The only thing worse than dying from some curse was stealing from the library. Grabbing the book next to him, he shouted, “Wait! You forgot one, and I can call Jimin! How are you so fast?!”

“You can call him?” you asked, your jacket half on as Jungkook walked out of your room naked.

Nodding, Jungkook grabbed his phone out of his jeans on the floor, “Shit, he is not happy.” He put his phone to his face and smiled at you, “Let’s get dinner after.”

Glaring at him, he turned away as he started to talk to Jimin. It would take you a while to get over this, but like everything else between you and Jungkook was like he said: mutual destruction. It wouldn’t make sense if being together was easy and wouldn’t be as much fun.

---

Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so brutally invested in this story! Finally got time to sit down and read all of it so far (admittedly because of sickness) and it did not disappoint. Now I’m anxiously awaiting what comes next! I have my suspicions but I’m scared to say what I think because it’s all so tragic.

Either way, now that she knows the first big reveal, I’m ready for steaminess! Maybe the sadness that plagues JK will be too strong to let it happen, but maybe some dreams…? I know this story is going to take us through the ringer regardless so I’ll buckle up. Also, his apartment…😭😭😭😭 broke my heart!!!!!! Hopefully whatever happened that has created such sadness for him will be resolved and made better. I can’t imagine JK being a bad guy, tho it seems like he’s being treated that way by a couple people, so we will see 😬

Our Time | JJK (Three)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 12.8k

Warnings: swearing, frustrations of amnesia, mentions of sex dream, mentions of alcohol

a/n: an important chapter 🤭 please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

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You are aware that everyone has something like a telltale tic that gives them away when they lie. Body language speaks louder than we think. Whole conversations happen with just the body alone. Arguments, comfort, affection, sex and even a fist to the face. The body speaks even when our mouths refuse. 

You’ve been told all your life that when you lie you always avoid eye contact and shrug awkwardly. Even with knowing that information, you still do it. Because your body speaks for you. Just like how you’ve told Jungkook for years that when he lies he always, without realization, touches or tugs at the skin of his neck while he speaks. His body moves on its own to speak without him having to do it himself. 

Of course there are times you don’t catch it. Heat of the moment, you can’t always observe every little detail and pick up on someone’s body language. But there are times when you do.

Jungkook has been quiet with you since he practically dragged you out of his apartment. No matter how gently he pulled you away from that place, you know when you’re not welcomed somewhere. The drive to your house is only five minutes—if that—but it feels like an eternity of dreaded silence. But his body is speaking. And it’s asking you not to ask any questions. 

It’s too bad that don’t have the patience for that. 

Having patience has never been a trait you’ve had and you doubt that’s changed in nine years either. 

“Jungkook.” You say his name as softly as you can but he still flinches, knuckles turning white from his grip on the steering wheel.

He lightly clears his throat before glancing your way, though his eyes never meet yours. “What’s up?” 

“Do you…” You keep your gaze on him, determined to get at least some answers to what you just saw. “Do you really live there?”

Jungkook’s grip stays the same, his body not tensing more nor tensing less. He expected this question. He keeps his eyes on the road as he answers you, “Yeah.” 

Truth.

“Oh.” You nod slowly, his answer almost throwing you off guard. You didn’t really plan what to say if he answered with ‘yes’. “I’m surprised.” You say honestly, “It barely looks lived in.” 

You watch Jungkook carefully but he stays the same. Tense, expectant, worried. 

You keep going, “Ah, but you are mostly having meals with me at my house so I guess that makes sense. You’re more at my place than yours, huh?” You tilt your head cutely, giving him the indication that you’re trying to lighten the mood and make him more comfortable. 

It works. Your eyes go to his hands and you see how his grip loosens and he’s nodding his head, though it looks hesitant. “Yeah, exactly.” He tells you but his eyes stay on the road still.

You nod, smile appearing on your face. “Exactly.” You repeat. 

He relaxes more as he turns into your neighborhood and he finally glances at you, eyes on yours for the first time since the apartment and he actually gives you a timid smile. 

You’ll take it. For now. But your curiosity is only growing. You know so much is being kept from you and it feels deeper than you first assumed. Jungkook is proving that. You have questions but you’ll have to be smart about how to get your answers.

“Hey,” You start conversation again, gently speaking once more and thankfully, Jungkook doesn’t flinch this time. He only turns his head to look at you for a second, raising his brows before his eyes go back to the road ahead. “Why don’t we still go to the park for ice cream?”

“Oh?” He looks a little surprised. You wonder if he’s surprised because you’re letting this entire apartment thing go. “You want to?”

“Mhm.” You lean back in the seat, legs stretching in front of you. “I read doing as many things as possible could help with this amnesia thing.” You didn’t actually read that but it sounds believable. “Let’s go or what?” You just want him to relax and smile again. 

Jungkook is quiet for a moment, his teeth lazily chewing his lips before he nods. “Yeah, that sounds good.” And then he releases a long breath and you swear you can see his nerves releasing as well. 

You study him for a moment longer, mind whirling in questions and assumptions. But you won’t allow yourself to come to any conclusions.

Not yet.

~

“I can’t believe I’m not friends with Jaewon anymore. I really thought we would be tight forever.” You say right before licking your double scoop ice cream. “Did we have a falling out?”

Jungkook chuckles, “Not at all. He got a girlfriend, moved to France and I think he’s been married for a while. I know they have two kids together.”

“Jaewon has children?!” You look at Jungkook, expressing your disbelief. “I remember when he and I went around looking for these adorable stickers that came with some snack to finish his impressive collection and,” You pause to lick your ice cream again. “He found only one cake left at the same time as these two kids. They were clearly wanting the stickers too. So I said, ‘hey why don’t we just give it to them?’ you know, because they’re just little kids. But he looked me dead in the eye and said ‘fuck them kids.’ And now he’s a father.” You snort, “Truly amazing.”

Jungkook laughs with you, “Isn’t it?”

“I’ll have to stalk him on Instagram when I remember.” You say while mindlessly licking your ice cream again before you remember another old friend. “What about Seri? Are we still friends with her?”

“Seri?” Jungkook tries to hide a peculiar smile. “Were you ever really friends with her?”

“I mean, kind of?” You shrug. “I’m guessing we aren’t close then?”

“y/n,” Jungkook hides his teasing smile behind his ice cream cone. “You never liked her.”

“What? Yes I do. She just annoyed me sometimes.” You quietly huff out, looking defensive.

“Why is that?”

“You know why,” You roll your eyes, bumping into his side. “Sometimes she took her crush on you too far. Like, it’s cool that she likes you—well, liked—but sometimes she made it her entire personality.”

“Uh huh.”

“I’m serious! She is great other than that.”

“Uh huh.”

“Okay, wouldn’t you get annoyed too? I remember one time I was sick and instead of asking me if I was okay she asked if you were free to hang out then?!” 

Jungkook laughs at this, head thrown back before he shakes it. “That’s hilarious.”

“Sure.” You look displeased. “She has other good qualities though.” 

“Oh, y/n, y/n, y/n.” Jungkook puts a hand on your shoulder and he spills a little secret. “It’s okay, you don’t need to pretend. One time you admitted to me how you truly feel about her.”

You stop walking and he stops too, blinking at him in surprise. “I did?”

“Mhm,” He drops his hand and starts walking again, urging you to follow. “Years ago.”

“Oh.” You nod your head, feet moving again. “In that case, yeah, she also chewed with her mouth open all the freaking time. She talked way too much during movies and not to mention, she tried hooking me up with her brother! And we all knew he was trash.”

“Wait, Seri tried hooking you up with her brother?! He is literally in jail now.” Jungkook looks peeved, “You never told me that. Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “I think I planned on it. But wait, why is he in jail?”

“He’s a fucking creep.” Jungkook says, annoyed. “He paid for prostitution, got mixed up in drugs…honestly, the list goes on.” 

“Well, not surprised.” 

“None of us were.” Jungkook agrees, “But anyway, back to Seri.”

“You know she told me that you two made out at Misuk’s 22nd birthday party. I always meant to ask you about it.” You mention this as easygoing as possible. “So did you guys? If so, you definitely made her dreams come—”

“—You definitely did ask me about this,” Jungkook cuts you off, his tone is lighthearted. “Much later, but yeah, you asked.”

“Oh.”

He glances at you and smiles, “I was never interested in Seri. You know me, I didn’t hook up with anyone I wasn’t seriously interested in.”

“I guess.” Your eyes trail across the park, landing on a pond nearby. “Oh! Let’s go over there.” You point at the small body of water before continuing your conversation, “Anyway, what’s Seri up to now?”

“No clue. I don’t follow her on anything.” He hums, “But do you remember her friend Mijoo?”

“Mijoo…wait, the girl who was dating the guy that Subin is into? Wait, I mean was into since she clearly isn’t anymore. You know, with a whole marriage coming up.” 

“Yeah!” Jungkook’s fingers wrap around your wrist to lead you to the pond, “You like this side of the pond better.” He tells you as he guides to the other side where some trees are. “Anyway, Mijoo ended up marrying that guy. But the point is, she works at the company you work at. You two aren’t close but I think you were acquaintances before you started working from home.”

“Oh.” You nod in understanding, “That’s cool!”

Jungkook is offering information about your life. Maybe because he believes it’s harmless.

You two stroll through tall grass that sways left to right, completely abandoning the concrete path. The sun is setting now, the sky a mix of pinks and purples while the sun is a deep, glowing orange. You and Jungkook finish off your ice creams before getting closer to the water.

“It’s pretty, right?” Jungkook stares out over the calm water. “We can see the sun set here.”

“Do we come here often? It kind of feels familiar.” You admit to him, heart picking up but you can’t place why.

Jungkook doesn’t tear his eyes off the sky or the water, his mind figuring out an answer when he settles for, “Sometimes.”

Truth.

“Do you…” You focus on the feeling in your chest. You can’t tell if it’s discomfort or if it just feels unknown. “Do you like it here?” You ask, voice quieter than before. You aren’t sure why you even asked that, really.

Jungkook’s chest stops moving. Like he is suddenly holding his breath and it doesn’t go unseen by you. “I don’t know.” He finally answers. Tongue pushing against his cheek and you know, like usual, it means he doesn’t intend to elaborate. 

“Then—”

Suddenly, Jungkook chuckles to himself. “—By the way, when you were like 27 you got us kicked out of a bar.”

“Huh?” You stare at him, his eyes still on the water. “Why did I get us kicked out?” And why is he bringing it up?

“Some random guy tried to fight me.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “I didn’t even notice that he had beef with me. Anyway, you noticed.” He cracks a smile. “And you tried to fight him in my honor or something.”

You stare at him, bewildered. “No way.”

“I’m serious,” He turns his head to face you, big smile growing on his lips. “You hated the way he talked to me, I guess. And before I knew it you were pushing him and claiming he was going to hit me.” He starts cracking up. “I had no idea, seriously.”

“Wow, I am so cool.” You nod subtly, “Best friend of the century.”

Jungkook’s smile goes from big and wide to soft and shy. “You are.” Then he rolls his eyes. “But the guy was friends with the staff so they kicked us out instead of him.”

“Of course.” You roll your eyes too, giggling. 

You realize he isn’t just telling you things he believes would be harmless. No, that’s not it. He’s telling you things to compensate for the fact he’s not really telling you anything. He’s feeding you stories to distract from his own story. The one you’re more curious about and you know he knows that.

You both share a moment looking out at the pond. Water as calm and still as can be. The complete opposite of whatever is going on with your heart. There’s something about this place that feels so familiar but you can’t place it and it drives you crazy.

You only see the top half of the sun now, the bottom half dipped into the horizon and the sky is lacking as many colors as a dark and deep blue starts taking over and a few stars start to shine.

“This looks like the perfect place to share secrets.” The words spill mindlessly from your mouth before you feel your entire body go as still as the water. 

‘Doesn’t this place make you want to share secrets?’ ‘Oh? What secret should I share with you?’ ‘Something juicy.’ ‘How about the first time I—’ 

“y/n?” Jungkook’s voice interrupts your thoughts. “y/n…” His hand comes to your shoulder and you feel his worried gaze on you. But you can’t focus on that.

You’re trying to focus on breathing again.

What was that?

Sunset. Another sunset. Water. Ducks. Rain. Sunshine. You. Jungkook. Tree. 

You try to make sense of what you’re seeing in your head. The voices. Your voice. Jungkook’s voice. You and him. Here. 

You stare at the water, blinking fast now as you try to make sense of the images in your head. Suddenly, you’re breathing. But you’re breathing too much.

“Hey,” Jungkook steps in front of you, both hands on your shoulders. You find his eyes and you find comfort immediately. 

Was that your imagination? Did you remember something? Did you brain make that up? You swear that felt real…felt like it’s happened.

“J-Jungkook.” You feel the panic set in. Your lips tingle and your hands are growing sweaty. “I think I kind of…” You pause, mouth going so dry it feels impossible to speak. You urge yourself to calm down but you only feel anxious. This feels new—brand new—unknown and scary. 

“Hey, hey.” Jungkook rubs his fingers into your shoulders, “Okay, it’s okay.” He remains calm, his voice smooth and steady but the concern is evident in his eyes. “I’m here.”

You nod your head quickly, trying to let him know you understand but you feel lightheaded. “Please hug me.” You request almost silently. “Plea—”

Jungkook brings you close to him, your body melting against his. You inhale him as you breathe and his scent automatically gives you a sense of comfort but almost instantly it feels like ten different images start shooting through your brain. All hugs with Jungkook. All ten images are different scenarios of Jungkook’s arms wrapped around you. Even some you recognize…like the hug he gave you the day he thanked you for coming to his police academy graduation. And one hug you don’t recognize at all.

Overwhelmed, you push Jungkook away.

“Sorry, I just…” You mumble, eyes darting around the park. “I think I know this place.”

Jungkook tries his hardest not to frown but he does. “You’ve been here a lot.” He says, almost nervously. “I thought it would be a place to…” He stops, eyes falling to his empty hands. “There’s a lot of memories here so I thought—”

“—Are some of those memories not good?” You ask him, trying to keep your voice calm.

“Not every memory that lives lost in your head is a good one.” He says, his voice just as calm. “But I am here with you for every single one.” He lifts his eyes back to you. “I promise.”

For the first time, you don’t want to avoid a memory because it could be overwhelming. You’re suddenly wanting to stay away because you’re starting to gather that not everything is rainbows and sunshine. Not just your life but other’s lives as well. Your best friend for instance.

“Hey,” Jungkook walks closer to you again, his hands finding your hands. His fingers playing with your fingers and the touch feels like how you yearn for. You don’t remember it ever feeling this way. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” He says quietly, his voice only for you. “There are so many good things running around in your brain and I can’t wait for you to know them.”

You might be curious about a million things right now. But 24 year old you, with a huge crush on this man before you, has something else to be curious about.

What exactly is your relationship with Jeon Jungkook? Because this feels like something you know, you just don’t know it yet.

~

You know it has to be around 9pm by now. The sun has long set and the night sky is dark and cloudy but it feels nice. Jungkook parks in front of your house and you know his intention is to just drop you off because he doesn’t make a move to turn off the engine or take his seatbelt off. Usually it would be fine—going home by yourself for the night—but you imagine your best friend returning to his apartment and the thought makes your heart pinch.

“Want to stay the night?” You throw out the idea with obvious enthusiasm. “It’s Friday!”

“Stay the night?” He repeats your question quietly, eyes looking ahead. 

“Yeah.” You finally reach to unbuckle the seat belt that feels tight against your chest. “I don’t really want to hang out by myself. I’m still wide awake.” You try to give a solid reason. “You don’t want to keep being with me?”

Jungkook’s head immediately turns in your direction and his eyes are big and guilty on you. “No, no.” He shakes his head now, “That’s not…of course,” He pauses, gulping down his spit before continuing. “Of course I’d still love to be with you, y/n.” He tells you, eyes still looking guilty. “Is that what you want?”

You feel it’s a bit easier to breathe. Because the seatbelt is no longer caging you in? Or because he still wants to be with you? Either way, you’re content. “Yeah.” You say, nodding in the direction of your house. “Let’s go inside and have tea or something. We can watch a movie.”

Jungkook nods slowly, his fingers messing with the buckle of the seatbelt before he’s getting out of his own restraint. “Okay.” And then he’s turning off the car.

You both walk to your front door in silence, side by side and you feel a mix of emotions swirling inside your belly. You cringe at yourself and laugh internally because why does it feel like the kind of nerves you have after a first date? 

You walk slowly and so does he. He’s right next to you and you feel fucking nervous. And you know what doesn’t help? When his knuckles barely brush against yours on fucking accident and you both quickly bring your hands to yourselves. How strange. How awkward. But also, how interesting.

Once inside your home, you head to the kitchen to make some tea. Jungkook accompanies you but he’s only sitting at the counter, fingers laced on top as he stares down at his hands in silence. Since waking up from the coma, you have felt a strong, lingering sadness inside of Jungkook but lately, especially after today, you feel it’s only gotten stronger.

You blame yourself, of course. He’s your best friend and you know with everything that has happened that he’s taken it hard. You don’t blame him, you have lost nine years of your important friendship with him and you imagine that must be tough for him to live with. But what really worries you is that he lives alone in an apartment that feels like the furthest thing from a ‘home’ and he isn’t able to talk to you about it. Is he afraid he would overwhelm you?

“Here.” You slide a cup of tea across the granite countertop. “It’s hot, though.”

“Thanks.” He murmurs, eyes lifting to yours and you wish you could make the apparent sadness in them go away. 

You decide to lighten the mood with a small, teasing grin. “See? I can do things for you too!”

Jungkook’s big eyes only look more sad as he responds, “You always do things for me, y/n.”

“Ah really?” You keep your gaze on him, grin falling into a tender smile. “Like what? What’s something that I’ve done for you that I have no idea?”

Jungkook cracks a half smile, “You’re trying to get things out of me, huh?”

You respond with a smirk, “Tell me something harmless, Jungkook.” 

Jungkook hums out cutely, eyes narrowing before he reaches for the cup of tea and blowing on it, eyes locking with yours, taking his sweet time as you wait. 

“Oh, come on.” You place your elbows to the counter and lean your chin into your palms, “I can handle it.” 

“Okay.” He says before taking a small sip of the tea. “I was working really late one night…on a really important case.” Jungkook stares down at the cup of tea in his hands before setting it back down. A certain look flashes across his face but he shakes it off. “I was so stressed and you showed up out of nowhere. I swear, the only times Jimin smiled at work is when you’d show up.” He rolls his eyes at this, “But anyway, you showed up with takeout and homemade cookies. And you hung out with me for a while to kind of,” He pauses to think about it. “I don’t know, I think you just wanted to distract me from the stress for a while before I got back into work.”

“Homemade cookies?” You tilt your head, “Since when do I bake?”

He chuckles, “You got pretty good at baking.”

“Oh wow.”

“Anyway, I remember when I thought I finally got a good idea on how to crack the particular case and I didn’t even have to tell you anything.” He bites down onto his bottom lip, perhaps suppressing a smile. “I swear you saw the look on my face and you knew immediately. You left me to it and I got the furthest I had ever gotten. Anyway, I swear I wouldn’t have without you showing up that night to kind of get me out of my head so I could have fresh thoughts, I guess.”

“Wow, I’m amazing. I’m like your support detective.” You soften, dopey smile growing on your lips. “I should have become one too.” You say, obviously joking.

“Well, you’d be good at it.” He tells you, fingers wrapping around the warm tea cup again. “You’re the whole reason I wanted to become a detective, anyway.”

Your eyebrows climb up your forehead in genuine shock, “W-What?”

“Oh, right.” Jungkook’s eyes stay on the tea. “I didn’t tell you that until years later, huh?”

 You straighten your posture and point at yourself, “I’m the reason?”

Jungkook’s eyes stay lingering on the cup in his hands, “Yeah.”

“Can I ask why?”

He finally tears his eyes off the cup and looks at you with a smile, “I’d expect you to.”

You stare at him in complete awe, your dopey smile returning to your face. “Okay then—”

Suddenly, your phone is ringing in your pocket. You’re quick to slide it out and see who is calling you and you glance at Jungkook in apology when you show him the screen to show Misuk is calling. 

“Hello?” You answer on the fifth ring.

“Hey!” Misuk sings out, “Sorry it’s kind of late but Subin and I were thinking of having breakfast at that café she likes. Want to come? Like 10ish?”

“Oh,” You look at Jungkook again, his attention on the tea. “Yeah, that sounds nice. Can Jungkook come too?” You ask, innocence in your voice but Jungkook looks up at you immediately, worry in his eyes before he’s shaking his head. 

“Umm,” Misuk is quiet on the other end for a moment before continuing, “I was thinking it could be a girls thing?”

“Since when did we only do girls stuff and exclude—”

“It’s okay.” Jungkook whispers to you, head still shaking. 

“Fine,” You keep your eyes on him, “Girls thing it is.”

“It’ll be fun! The three of us!” Misuk tells you, “I’ll text when I’m on the way in the morning. See you then.”

“Okay, see you. Bye.” You lower the phone from your ear, pressing the ‘end’ button before placing your phone on the counter. “Sorry, it’s a girls thing.”

“It’s okay!” Jungkook gives you a trying smile. “You should spend time, just you three. They’ve missed you, too.”

“Yeah,” You nod at him. “I guess you’re right.”

“Should we watch a movie now?” Jungkook stands from the stool, taking his cup of tea with him. 

“Ugh, another movie to spark a memory, huh?” You watch as he makes his way to the living room, your feet dragging behind him. 

Jungkook turns only for a moment, “No. An old movie we both love. A movie you already know.”

You can guess why, but the pressure to not try hard to remember something you’re supposed to know suddenly makes you feel so much lighter. And Jungkook probably knows you’ve had enough for the day. “Perfect.” You answer, “That sounds perfect.”

~~~

Waking up drenched in sweat in not how you expected to greet this Saturday morning’s sun. You lay here, eyes wide and on the ceiling trying your hardest to replay the dream you just had. You aren’t laying here trying your best to rewatch a nightmare. No, that’s not why you woke up with sweat gathered at your hairline and a racing heartbeat. You’re trying so hard to replay every little detail of this dream because it was hot. Steamy, sexy hot. Not hot as in heat and that’s why you’re sweating. 

You close your eyes, images of the dream swarming behind your eyelids. Hands. Hands all over you. Lips. Lips all over you. Tongue. Tongue all over you. Your eyes spring open again, your chest still heaving from the dream as you try to dive back into it. But the dream is fading. And it’s fading fast. Suddenly, you can’t remember any of the details anymore. And it pisses you off. 

After showering and getting ready for your breakfast hang out with the girls, you quietly slip out of your bedroom. You walk through the hall and you stop dead in your tracks when you spot Jungkook. He’s innocently sleeping on your sofa, mouth slightly hung open as soft snores escape. He looks peaceful. You swallow hard, your fingers smoothing down your blouse as you keep watching him. 

How would Jungkook feel knowing you just had a very steamy sex dream about him? His hands, his lips, his tongue. Lucky for him—and lucky for you—you don’t remember too much about it anymore. But you know the dream happened. But as much as you wish you could remember every little detail and play it in your mind on repeat to fulfill some delusional fantasy of yours…you’re actually glad that it can’t distract you for the rest of the day.

Because it fucking would.

You check the time on your phone.

9:32am

You need to head out. You take one last look at sleeping Jungkook before turning on your heels to grab your purse, shoes and keys to your car. You have yet to drive your own vehicle so it’ll feel a bit fun—brand new car to you—and Dr. Lee says you can drive short distances now.

You pull into the same café that Subin brought you to that one time, eyes on the lookout for a parking spot but it is Saturday morning and it’s looking busy. Finally, after driving in circles, you see someone pulling out and you rush to take the free spot. 

Inside the café is just as busy as the parking lot. Tons of full tables, servers running around in panic about some wrong order and the hostess remaining calm as customers complain about the long wait. Luckily, Subin and Misuk got here before you and they already have a table. Somewhere near the back again, by the bathrooms. 

You spot Subin, waving her hands around with a huge smile on her face. You return her smile while walking closer to the table that her and Misuk are at. 

But you run into someone—literally.

“Oh sorry!” You apologize quickly, “I—” You stop speaking when the same feeling as last time comes back to haunt you. You glance down at the name tag again.

Nabi.

“Oh…no, no.” She shakes her head, smile on her lips. “It’s okay. Really…it’s okay…” She tells you, her eyes suddenly looking everywhere but you. Her voice is soft and kind. And so fucking familiar. 

“You’re the one who served us last time.” You tell her, trying your best to make eye contact. “You probably don’t remember—”

“—Ah, no. I remember.” Nabi finally looks at you and there is undeniable kindness in her eyes as well but there is also something else. She glances around again, her eyes going to other tables, to the windows, behind her, behind you…before she finally looks at you again. You see concern in her eyes. “Have a lovely meal.” She says quickly, bowing her head before walking off. 

Weird.

You shake off the familiar feeling before approaching the table your friends are at.

“Hey!” You call out, still a feet few away before you’re pulling a free chair out and sitting down. “This place is poppin’, huh?” You say while glancing around. 

“Yeah.” Subin agrees right away, “Crazy, right? It’s only been open for like, what? Two years probably? I saw a Tik Tok about it and had to check it out.”

“Not even going to ask about whatever Tik Tok is.” You mumble, eyes going down to the menu in your hands.

“I told you about it!” Subin whines, “You need to download it!”

“Eh,” You shrug. “33 year old me is off social media apparently. I’m trying to respect her wishes.” You joke, eyes scanning the menu when you see an omelet that catches your eye.

“And how is 24 year old you liking that?” Misuk chuckles, “Are you surviving?”

“Somehow I am.” You laugh as well before your mind thinks of something else…”Hey…do you guys know why I deleted my social media?” You look up from your menu, “I didn’t think much of it but,” You look between your two friends but they don’t have any answers written on their faces. “Well, Jungkook mentioned it was maybe around six months ago…and here’s the crazy thing…I ran into this guy who said I randomly ghosted him around the same time!” 

Misuk’s brows pinch together, “A guy?” She then glances at Subin who looks as confused as her.

“Yeah!” You nod quickly, “I thought maybe he was an ex. So I started connecting the dots! Maybe we broke up and I wanted to lay low after the breakup? And that’s why I del—”

“—A breakup?” Subin asks, her eyes going between you and Misuk. “I don’t think you were…dating anyone…” She says slowly, carefully. Eyes darting between you and Misuk and you can see how she’s silently asking Misuk to help out. And as usual, Misuk doesn’t get the hint.

“Maybe I just didn’t want to make a big deal about it?” You question more to yourself. “Maybe I was trying to be lowkey…”

“Did you tell Jungkook?” Misuk finally contributes. “Did he know who the guy was?”

“Huh?” You finally set the menu down to the table. “No, he wasn’t with me. And when I mentioned it, he had no idea either.” 

“Well, I feel just as clueless.” Subin admits softly. “Maybe the guy got the wrong girl.”

“No,” You look down, teeth nibbling on your lips. “I think he knew me.”

“Well, maybe it just isn’t important.” Misuk decides to say, her eyes going back to the menu. “What’s important is you regaining memories that probably matter more.”

“Workin’ on it, boss.” You say blandly, with the roll of your eyes. 

“Hey,” Misuk’s tone grows softer. “I know.”

“Anyway,” You shake your head and plaster a smile on your face. “Subin, your pictures were this week, right?”

And immediately, Subin’s face brightens. You love how in love she looks. “Yes! Oh my god, I have a few that the photographer sent me. Let me show you!” She is quickly grabbing her phone and finding the photos. 

You take her phone and start scrolling through a few images. Your heart melts at the sight…Subin looks gorgeous in the arms of her soon to be husband. You don’t even remember his name. And his face in these photos definitely don’t ring a bell.  “You look amazing.” You breathe out, “And so happy.”

“Thanks.” Subin blushes at the compliment, “Garam is the love of my life. And I can’t believe we waited this long to get married and what not!”

“Well, we all know y/n doesn’t believe in wasting any time when she knows something is right.” Misuk chuckles, “Remember when she switched her major the second she realized she loved digital art more than environmental science?”

“Oh yeah,” Subin covers her mouth while she giggles. “She didn’t even have experience in it, right? But she looked us in the eyes and said, ‘I’m going to do this as my career.’ And the next day went to her advisor and made the switch.”

“What can I say?” You smile, feeling proud. “I knew it in my gut that it was what I was meant to do.”  

“I also remember that Subin and I were so against it.” Misuk shakes her head, still smiling. “We asked you to at least think about it!”

“I swear maybe she would have thought about it but Jungkook was totally on her side.” Subin sighs out, “He took one look at what she created on her tablet and said—”

“Isn’t this what you’re meant to do?” You say, almost dreamily as you remember your best friend’s words. “He even went with me when I went to talk to my advisor. He waited outside the door and when I was finished he took me drinking to celebrate.”

“Went drinking?” Misuk avoids your eyes, “Not surprised.” 

“Misuk.” Subin says quietly before brightening again. “How are things with Jungkook? He’s taking care of you?”

“He’s the best.”

“The best.” Misuk scoffs.

“Misuk.” Subin says her name louder this time. “It’s—”

“—I don’t know what went wrong with you and Jungkook, Misuk.” You cut in, face falling more serious. “But Jungkook is my person and I hate seeing how you clearly have beef with him. He’s being civil so why can’t you be?”

An inevitable silence falls on the table. As well as inevitable tension. 

You take a deep breath, trying to calm your fiery nerves. “Just tell me what happened already. I can’t stand—”

“No.” Misuk says, voice calm but there is something cold to it. “Not yet, anyway.”

“Why?” 

She looks at Subin who is, as usual, speaking with her eyes. “I just can’t.” Misuk tells you, finally looking your way. “Nothing would make sense anyway. Let’s just drop it. I’m sorry.”

You scoff. And you scoff loudly. “Okay.” You feel peeved but you don’t want to ruin the breakfast. “I’m going to use the bathroom really quickly.” You begin standing from your chair and point towards the wall behind you three where the bathrooms are.

Neither of them answer with words. 

You walk into the hallway and immediately lean against the wall, sighing out quietly as you try to remain calm. You hate not knowing what’s going—in regards to so many things. Your ears perk up when you can hear Subin and Misuk’s voices from behind the wall.

“You need to go easier on him, Misuk…” You hear Subin’s quiet voice. “This has been hard on everyone. But especially—”

“—Good.” You hear Misuk cut her off bitterly. “I hope he’s fucking suffering.”

Your entire face twists into a look of confusion…what the hell is happening?

“You don’t mean that.” Subin says. “He’s your friend too.”

“Why are you always defending him?”

“I’m not. But we don’t even really know—”

“Drop it, Subin. It gets us nowhere.” 

And then there’s silence. Like their own inevitable tension rises around the table now too. 

You finally tear yourself away from the wall and go inside the restroom. More questions and even less answers. Great.

~

It’s already late afternoon when you return home, tired eyes land on Jungkook who is on the phone while sitting on your sofa. You raise a hand to lazily wave at him and he nods at you while he continues to speak on the phone.

“I know.” He talks into the phone quietly, “You swear he has—Okay, okay. Got it. I can be there in 20.” Jungkook doesn’t even wait for the other person to respond before he’s ending the call. “Hey.” He stands, slipping his phone in his pocket and smiling at you. “How was time with the girls?”

You eye him suspiciously. It feels like how you’re seeing everyone nowadays. “Fine.” You look down at your feet as you take your shoes off. “What have you been up to?”

“Just relaxing.” He tells you, “Working on some stuff too.” He glances at his open laptop that sits on your sofa as well. “But I actually got to head out for a while.”

“Sure.” You respond, feeling and sounding detached. You walk into the living room but before you can sit down, Jungkook’s fingers wrap around your wrist and you struggle not to look into his eyes and crumble. 

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook questions you softly. His fingers still wrapped around your wrist and you swear you feel the heat seep into your skin, like the feeling of first dipping into a hot bubble bath. “You okay? Tired? How’s your head?”

You don’t mean to pull away so quickly, freeing your wrist without much thought. “I’m fine.” 

Jungkook’s brows pull together, his eyes going to his fingers when he examines how empty his hand is now. “O…kay.” His eyes go back to you, “Are you sure?” “No.” You say honestly. “But it’s whatever.”

“It’s not whatever.” Jungkook steps closer to you, his eyes searching yours for answers. “Talk to me, y/n.” He doesn’t rip his gaze off your eyes. He’s staring at you intently and it feels so confusing. “Please…talk to me.”

You feel sucked into the way he’s looking at you. You see his concern so clearly. You see so many thoughts and feelings taking over his eyes and you can read them but some don’t make sense. Not now. You force yourself to look away.

“I said I’m fine.” You sit on the couch, hand going to the top of his laptop and you shut it yourself. “Aren’t you leaving?” 

Jungkook stands here, unsure of what to do. You can see that. You can see how he struggles with how to handle this. You stare at nothing. Hoping there isn’t any readable expression on your face. But you guess there is.

“Y/n…” Jungkook says your name. And suddenly you wish you forgot that too. 

“What?” You finally snap at him, eyes landing on his figure. But you gulp, guilt settling in your chest when you see how he winces. You close your eyes for just a moment, collecting yourself even though you don’t even want to. “I’m so—”

“—Don’t be sorry.” He cuts you off, tone gentle. “It’s okay if you can’t talk to me but is there anything I could do? To help you?”

You open your eyes again, staring at him. You just stare. Expression hardening because you can’t help it at this point. But Jungkook takes no offense. Instead he tries to smile for you and he takes a seat right next to you, his leg pushed against yours.

“What is it that you need?” His fingers go to your chin, barely touching it as he guides your face to tilt in his direction. “Tell me what you need.” He softly demands, eyes boring into yours and you feel trapped in his trance again.

“You.” You reveal without meaning to. You never intended for that to be your answer. But your mouth forced the word out and you’re left here wondering why that felt so natural. 

Natural for both of you.

Because Jungkook nods in understanding, his fingers brushing against your cheek now and you decide now is the time to crumble. Crumble because his touch. And crumble because you are best friends so answering that the thing you need is him could also still be platonic. You release a long, tired breath before your head falls to his shoulder. “I’m stressed.” You decide to admit.

“I know.” His other arm comes around your back, hand gripping your side. “I’m sorry this is so hard for you. I really don’t know what to do anymore.” He is the one with admissions now. “I see how hard this is for you and I don’t know what’s better or what’s worse…but these are still doctor’s orders, y/n. You—”

“—I know.” You squeeze your eyes shut, “But what if my memories never return? Am I just going to be a stranger to my own life forever? Your life forever?”

Silence fills the space between you both. 

Maybe it’s not something either of you want to have answers to. 

“I never want to be a stranger to you.” He finally responds, “But let’s give some things some time.”

You sigh out, lifting your head from his shoulder before you look up at him. “Can you promise me something?”

Jungkook gives you a determined nod before speaking, “I can promise you anything.”

“Do you promise this is the best for me? Me not knowing so much?” Your eyes are pleading and you swear you see Jungkook’s heart in his eyes and you see how it breaks into pieces.

“I promise you that this is best for you.” He tells you, no regret anywhere heard in his words. Truth. “So promise me…that you’ll always trust me.”

“Okay.”

“No,” He shakes his head, troubled smile on his face. “Say it.”

“I promise.” You tell him but his troubled smile only grows as his eyes turn somber.

“You will probably break that promise later.” He whispers, “I—”

His phone starts vibrating in his pocket. Another phone call. “Sorry,” He slides the device out and you see Jimin’s name. “I got to go.” He sighs, standing from the sofa now. “But I’ll come over after and we’ll do something fun, okay?”

You nod, “Okay. Umm,”

“What is it?” He asks you.

“Nothing, nothing.” You try to shake his last words out of your head. Why would he say that? “Be safe and come back to me later.”

Jungkook’s eyes expand at your words before he cracks a smile. “I always do.”

~

You fixed yourself something light and easy for dinner. Surprisingly, you had an appetite to eat. You could probably thank the four hour nap you took earlier and the two different sessions you had in your bed where your fingers met the sensitive parts of your body, having yourself come undone and although you feel like some tension has been released…it wasn’t totally satisfying. 

You’ll blame the dream that you can’t even remember for the ache between your legs that still lingers.

You’re sitting at the dining room table, plate growing emptier as you take one last bite of your late dinner. It’s around 8:30pm and Jungkook still isn’t back. You assume he’s off doing something with Jimin. His ex-work partner that you realize he isn’t necessarily fond of. But they’re clearly working together on something…despite the fact that Jungkook isn’t a detective anymore.

Of course this piques your interest. You’re dying of curiosity. You have an idea…but…

You sigh out, pushing the chair back and ignoring the way the wood screeches against your tiled kitchen floors. Once standing, you grab your plate and the glass of water and head towards the kitchen sink to run the hot water.

A couple minutes pass, your hand lazily squeezing the sponge as you scrub the plate clean, your eyes zoned out and focusing on nothing at all. You continue to scrub the plate in soapy circles before you suddenly see something in your head. Eyes narrowing at nothing now as you try to focus on the image that your brain has randomly come up with. The same lake and boats from your dream. You’re just recalling an old dream. You scoff to yourself, you wish you could remember your sex dream.

You laugh a little before it dies on your lips when you see another image that makes no sense. 

A boat, floating at the dock. It isn’t the same boat from your dream…a different—

You drop the plate to the sink when your ears ring in someone’s scream. 

What the fuck?

You look around quickly, but you’re met with silence. You wipe your hands on the towel that rests next to the sink, quickly drying them before rushing out of your kitchen and going to your front door.

You know you heard someone scream.

You swing the door open, stepping outside, your head whipping in every direction.

But the neighborhood looks unbothered, the stars in the sky look unbothered, the blades of grass look unbothered. You see a few houses down, an older couple sitting on their porch, quietly talking and laughing to themselves. Completely unbothered.

Someone screamed, right? You heard it, right? 

You remain outside for a few more moments but the night carries on like nothing happened.

You didn’t imagine the scream, right? You know you heard it. You were standing at your kitchen sink, washing dishes, remembering a dream about boats on the lake water…when someone screamed. That wasn’t part of your dream, right? But it sounded so real. 

Giving up, you decide to go back inside your house. But a strange, eerie feeling sticks to your skin and you want nothing more than to wash it off. A shower it is. Maybe Jungkook will be back by the time you’re done and you can forget about all the things your brain is forcing onto you—things that don’t make any sense at all.

It’s around 9:30pm now when you leave your bedroom, feet taking you into the living room so you can relax on your amazing sofa…you’re shocked now that you hated it at first glance. It’s definitely the best couch you’ve ever had the pleasure of owning. A dull pain resides on the other side of your skull, pushing against your forehead in rage. You wish the headaches would start to ease but it seems lately, they’ve only gotten worse.

You decide to go to the kitchen first and take your night dose of medications, realizing it’s time you can take them. Hopefully it’ll help. It’s been a long day and you can’t wait to totally unwind and grow invested in some TV show so you don’t have to think about your own life. And you can’t wait for Jungkook to get home so he can do that with you. He looks stressed too and he probably also needs to focus on some fictional problems instead of his own.

Once you’re cozy on your sofa, wrapped in the blanket Jungkook always uses, you check your phone for any messages and you feel yourself grow a little warmer when you do have one.

Jungkook 9:38pm

Hey I’m on my way to your house 👍🏼 Want me to bring you anything?

You smile, typing your reply.

y/n 9:44pm

no no just you🐸

You click your phone off and shake your head, laughing at yourself. All it takes for you to feel better is Jungkook. You’re so whipped, probably. 

It only takes Jungkook 24 minutes exactly to walk in through your door since his text. Not that you were paying attention to the time but of course you were. You missed him.

“You’re not sleepy yet?” Jungkook is bent over, looking at you through the fringe that falls over his eyes as he takes his shoes off. “I figured you’d be knocked out on the couch by the time I got here and then oh no, I’d have to sleep in the bed.” He jokes, making his way over to you.

“I took a long nap.” You say, eyes on the TV. “So I’m not very sleepy now.”

Jungkook’s lips curve into a soft smile, “Did the nap help make you feel a little better?”

You finally glance at him, “Yeah. Also,” You nod towards the hallway, “You can sleep in a bed. You just choose not to.”

Jungkook’s smile fades, his eyes following yours, a solemn expression falling onto his face when he looks over to the hallway. “No, that’s okay.” He murmurs. “I like the couch.” And then he takes a seat right next to you.

“Does that mean you’re sleeping over again tonight?” 

He blinks at you for a few seconds before he’s smiling sheepishly. “Sorry, I didn’t even think about that.”

You laugh, “I’d rather you be here, anyway. Your apartment is too far for my liking. Doesn’t feel like we’re neighbors enough.” 

Jungkook’s eyes are so soft on you. You hate it. You love it. You want more of it. You want less of it. 

“It feels a little colder out tonight.” He says, fingers tugging at the blanket that’s wrapped around you. “Mind sharing?”

You chuckle, unwrapping the blanket from yourself to share with your best friend. “Do you remember when we rented that cabin in college but you and I wanted the outdoors experience so we built a tent like 10 feet away from the cabin?” 

“You only packed one sleeping bag.” He deadpans. 

“You could have gone inside and got blankets if you really cared that much!” You throw back and he shakes his head in an instant.

“Then it wouldn’t have been the total outdoorsy camping experience!” He retorts, “It would have defeated the whole point of us building that tiny tent. That you claimed you knew how to build because of a YouTube tutorial.”

“And I swear I did! But we had no service! So I couldn’t look at the video…” You pout but Jungkook starts laughing.

“And then we had to actually read the instructions. Imagine that.” He rolls his eyes, playful smirk on his lips. “Well, I did. You wanted to give up.”

“Anyway,” You nudge his shoulder with yours, both of you completely covered in this blanket now. “This reminds me of that time.”

“Because we shared the sleeping bag?” He asks you innocently. 

You nod, “Yeah. I thought we were going to freeze to death at night but I learned really quickly how freaking hot your body is.”

“Oh, thank you.” He teases.

You snort, “Not what I meant.”

“It’s not like you don’t think that too, though.” He says, eyes on the TV screen now. 

You whip your head to look at him, his eyes totally avoiding yours as he watches whatever you have pulled up on Netflix. He’s got such a teasing grin splitting his face in half. You stare at him in disbelief before you start laughing, “Wow. Is that something I told you and I have zero memory of it? And don’t lie, once I get all my memories back, I’ll know.” 

“You might be surprised at what stuff you might remember.” He continues to tease you and it feels…strange yet familiar. More of your suspicions seem to be checking out. 

“Is that so?” You decide to play along, “What kinds of things will I remember? You know, that are in relation to you thinking you have a hot body?”

“I never said it’s what I thought.” He bites down onto his bottom lip, another smirk being poorly concealed. 

You scoff, heat creeping up the back of your neck. “It’s not what I think either.”

“Mhm.” He finally looks at you, “You sure?” 

No, you aren’t sure. Well, you are sure that he’s hot. Yes, of course. But you aren’t sure what is going on here. More confusion wraps around you both just like this blanket. This doesn’t feel how you always remembered. No, this feels different. But it feels familiar. Like it isn’t totally brand new but it is. For you. But you’re wondering if this is brand new to him.

Yes, you have your suspicions. And little by little, you will uncover the truth. But for now, you’re not going to jump the gun. No conclusions yet.

“Hey,” You finally look away from him, eyes going back to the TV as well. “Are you sure we never went to another lake?”

“Lake?” Jungkook’s attention is mostly on the show now. “What lake?”

“No…I mean, was the only time we ever went to a lake was during that trip to the cabin?”

“Yes?” He finally glances at you, confusion in his eyes. “Why?”

You shrug, “I don’t know. I feel like I was remembering that dream I told you about where I saw your tattoo. That same lake…the boats.” 

“It was a dream, right?”

You think about it for a moment, eyes losing focus. “Yeah, you’re right.” But you aren’t so sure. 

“I told my parents and your parents that we would visit not next weekend but the weekend after. They’re very excited.” Jungkook changes the subject, his tone lighthearted. “It’ll be so nice to be in Busan for the weekend.”

“I agree.” You say, your eyes widening when you remember something your mom told you. “Did you know Mrs. Jung remarried? Apparently to a guy half her age!” 

Jungkook starts laughing, eyes crinkling in the process. “Yes and did you hear the best part?” He asks, eyes on you. “Apparently the guy she married has the same last name as her ex-husband so she didn’t even have to change it.” 

“Wow, lucky her.” You chuckle, “I don’t remember my mom saying that part.” 

“It’s hilarious. I thought the guy was her son when I first saw them walking out of her house! But imagine my shock when he kissed her. On the lips. I still didn’t register it wasn’t her son so you can probably guess my confusion and level of disturbance.” Jungkook shudders when he recalls the memory. “Mrs. Jung is loaded though, so I guess he’s the lucky one.”

“Jungkook!” You slap his thigh, “Money isn’t everything! Maybe he’s deeply in love with her!”

“I never said he wasn’t! I’m just saying, he got lucky. Sugar mama and all that.” He snickers when you gape at him. “What? I’d love having a woman pay for all my shit.”

“You’re a gold digger now?” You cock a brow at him. “I’ll have to keep that in mind when I’m being your wing woman at bars again.”

“You’re the worst wing woman.” He rolls his eyes, “Every girl that would get interested in me, you’d scare them away.”

“I did not!” 

“Yeah, you would.” 

“No.”

“Really?” He leans away from you, eyes narrowed as he smirks. “You don’t remember when a very pretty girl tried hitting it off with me but you totally ruined it when you—”

“—I thought she was bothering you. Don’t get me started on this again. She had so many red flags, you cannot be serious. I was helping you out.”

“I didn’t care about her red flags! I was just looking to get laid.” 

“I thought you didn’t hook up with anyone you weren’t seriously interested in?” 

Jungkook’s eyes widen and he starts talking nonsense, clearly getting playfully defensive. “Do I need to remind you why I was out in the first place?” He challenges you. “Because if I remember correctly, you told me I should go out and find someone! You told me I needed to get laid because I was annoying you with how stressed I was with my training after the academy. It was during my first year in the investigation department.”

“Oh yeah, you were kind of unbearable.” You snort, “But come on, she was such bad news. And don’t make me remind you of Haesoo. I had every right to feel protective over you!”

“Oh god, Haesoo…” He cringes in his spot, “Okay, she was something else.”

“She was the worst.” You say with a straight face. “I’m your best friend and she openly admitted to me ‘girl to girl’” You mock with the roll of your eyes, “That she was using you for sex. I had to tell her that you’re a person. But she said, ‘he’s hot, all men are trash so I’m not hurting anyone’ I was so fucking pissed.”

“Yes, yes. I remember.” Jungkook smiles at you fondly. “My hero.”

“I am your hero, you’re goddamn right! You didn’t see through her evil ways but I did. I wanted to put her in a headlock.”

“Somehow I’d love to see that.” He grins teasingly at you. “It’s not like I was serious about her.”

“You totally liked her.”

“Okay fine, but only because she did witchcraft on me or something.”

“I’ll accept that answer because I think it’s true.” You say, “But honestly, you got better at standing up for yourself. Haesoo was during your time at the academy, right? You were what? 21? 22?”

“Yeah.”

“You were still pretty shy back then but I think sometime after you graduated and you started your first 6 months at the police station—before you did your one year in the investigation department—you kind of…grew up a lot. Stronger, I guess. Not as scared of confrontation.”

“Well,” Jungkook leans back into the sofa, “I guess in my years of being your friend, I finally learned something.” He chuckles.

“Thank god for that, huh?” You lean back onto the sofa as well, your body shifting to properly face him. “Who’s the worst guy I ever dated?”

“Hmm,” Jungkook looks up at the ceiling, thinking about it. “Dusik for sure.”

“What?! He was so nice!”

“I didn’t like him.”

“You never told me you didn’t like him!”

“Yes I did!”

“When—”

“—Oh.” Jungkook bites down onto his lip, “I guess I never admitted it until way later. You don’t remember…”

“Give me a reason.”

“I just didn’t like him.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“Seriously? You sound like a talking bird that only knows one word.”

“Why?”

He raises a brow at you, showing you he’s not enthused. “Stop.”

“Why?”

“Because he was probably the closest thing you had to a real relationship.” Jungkook purses his lips, eyes going to his hands. “And I just didn’t think he was good enough for you.”

Your mouth falls open, “Seriously?” 

“Seriously.” He responds childishly. 

“You didn’t approve of him because…you just sound jealous.” You snort, not taking this too seriously but Jungkook isn’t laughing.

“I was jealous of him.” He admits before the panic settles in his eyes. “Not in a weird way. I just hated that he was stealing you from me.”

“He didn’t steal—”

“—According to you, this was our biggest fight.” He reminds you, “You forgot about plans with me three times because you were with him. I wouldn’t have minded as much if you would have properly canceled. But apparently I was forgettable to you.” He sulks in his spot, an adorable pout on his lips but you can see that he’s still a little bitter about the whole thing.

“I know. I’m sorry. But hey, you got your revenge! You didn’t talk to me for four days. I hated those four days so much.”

“I hated it too.” He finally smiles, “At the time, those four days were like, the worst days ever. I wish I could go back. To when that was the worst thing.” He mumbles softly, smile still barely on his lips. 

“Hey,” You lean into him, eyes on his as you poke his cheek with your finger. “You also know you’re not forgettable to me, right? I literally have amnesia and my brain is still full of you.” 

Jungkook’s smile drops from his lips, eyes on yours with much more intensity as he processes your words. 

You are about to back away from him, a sudden tension growing between your bodies but before you can, Jungkook’s fingers go to your hand, you’re both twisted in one another’s directions. He’s so close. You’re so close. Your gaze drops to his lips when his tongue pokes out to lick them. The heat basically rolls off his skin and warms you up, reminding you of the night you two spent in that tiny tent—not that anything happened…it’s just the warmth, the close proximity. Not to mention, it might have been the first time you had not so innocent thoughts about your best friend.

His fingers leave your hand and you gulp, feeling the sudden absence of his touch but it doesn’t last long…not when his hand rests on the side of your face, fingers behind your ear, thumb brushing your cheek.

“Your brain isn’t full enough of me.” He whispers, eyes still boring into you and once again, you want to crumble. Crumble for a million reasons and right now, you can’t even name one.

“I don’t know if that’s even possible.” The words dribble out slowly. The tension growing, a force that pulls your bodies closer.

You stare up at him, both of your hands sliding up his chest and you feel his heart hammering against it. It’s strong. It’s loud. It’s alive. 

Jungkook is lost. You’re lost. A trance being shared between you both and you know for a fucking fact that this isn’t new to either of you. You have no proof but this moment might be evidence alone. This cannot be the first time you two share a moment like this. You refuse to believe this is a first. 

“Jung—”

“—Did you want to watch something like a movie?” Jungkook’s hand drops from your face, his cheeks flushing as he leans away from you, eyes going back to the TV. 

You feel like someone ripped a rug from beneath your feet. You stare at his side profile, body gone still as you process what just happened. And what is currently happening. 

You laugh internally again. Your hands coming back to your own body and you face the TV as well. “Yeah, a movie sounds good.” 

It seems your brain is playing tricks on you lately. Making you see things. Hear things.

But you cannot be imagining this. No, your brain can’t make you imagine a feeling, can it? 

Your gut is telling you one thing and you’ve always been one to listen to it.

~

Jungkook snuck out early this morning, leaving you a note that said he has some things to take care of but he would be back around dinner time.

You won’t feel annoyed, not today. You’re tired of questioning every little thing and today you just want to not think about all the things you don’t know. Today you just want to be lazy and binge watch an entire series or something. Today you just want to be a normal person. A person who doesn’t have amnesia. 

You made a sandwich for lunch and ate while watching a show. You’re already on episode 5 of Strong Woman Do Bong Soon and you realizing love is real, it has to be, because these two main characters are making you swoon. 

You make dinner as well, eating while continuing the show. You’re not even ashamed to admit you’re on episode 8 now. Meaning, you’ve watched eight hours of this show just today. You check your phone to see the time.

7:02pm

Jungkook still isn’t back and he hasn’t texted. You know you shouldn’t feel worried or anything. But you’re going to call him anyway.

Your heart feels calmer when he answers on the third ring.

“Hey,” You say into the phone. “I was just checking if you were uh, still coming over today.”

“Yeah.” You hear the smile in his voice. “I just came by my place real quick to shower. I’m about to head over though. Sorry, um, my plans ran a little longer than I thought. I should have let you know…”

“No, no, it’s okay.” You say, relief evident in your voice. “Sleep here tonight, too.”

“Okay.” He tells you softly, “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Kay, bye.” You hang up the phone, already feeling lighter knowing he’s only five minutes away.

Just like magical clockwork, your front door opens and Jungkook is walking through. He grins at you, slipping his shoes off as he empties his pockets of his things. Wallet, phone and keys being placed on the little table by your entrance.

“Hi.” You sing out, patting the spot next to you on the couch. “I started a show today and I love it!”

“What show?” He asks, walking into the living room, eyes on the TV. “Oh! Strong girl! Yeah, this is your comfort show.” He tells you, plopping down right next to you. “We love it.”

Your mouth falls open in surprise, “I’ve seen it before?!”

Jungkook chuckles, “Yeah. You watch it every year.”

“Oh damn.” You nod to yourself, “I guess I really do love it.”

“Mmmmmm…” Jungkook leans back into the couch, eyes closing. “I’m so tired.”

“You do look a little tired.” You admit, fingers ruffling through his hair and he sighs in contentment.

“I almost fell asleep in the shower.” 

“Don’t tell me you’re already ready for bed? It’s barely 7!”

“Not bed…but what if I take a one hour power nap?” He cracks open one eye to look at you, “Super quick nap that gets me ready for a night full of binge watching the rest of this show?”

“Hmm,” You pull your fingers away from his hair. “Just one hour?”

“Just one hour.” He nods in excitement, “I promise I’ll wake up and hang out with you for the whole night.”

“Okay, deal.” You say, “Only because you do look pretty exhausted”

“You got no idea.” He tells you, “It was…a really long day.”

But he doesn’t elaborate. But you do have an idea what it could be about…

“Can I ask you something?” You blurt, your brain wired to demand answers. 

“Hm?” He sits up from leaning back, eyes focused on you.

“You were with Jimin, right?” You ask him, the words leave your mouth slowly as you gauge his reaction.

“Yeah.” He tells you and you know he’s being honest. But you aren’t done asking questions.

“And…” Your stomach feels uneasy from nerves but you continue, “Is it because…are you trying to…um, trying to figure out who caused my accident? Since it was a hit and run?” 

Jungkook tilts his head, eyes becoming unreadable. 

You reckon it’s a solid assumption. He was a detective after all.

Jungkook’s hand goes to his jaw, eyes going to the ceiling like he’s trying to figure out his answer when slowly you watch as his fingers slide down from his chin to his throat, fingers caressing the skin before he’s softly tugging at his neck and he finally answers, “Yeah.”

“Oh, okay. I figured.” You reply, eyes still on his fingers. “I kind of guessed that’s what you were up to.” 

He drops his hand and offers a timid smile, “Mhm.” 

Your insides are twisting.

“Well, I’ll let you sleep for an hour!” You stand from the sofa, “You better wake up when I tell you to, Jungkook.” You smile now, “I’ll be in the kitchen, think I’m going to make something.”

“Ah, okay.” Jungkook puts his feet up before laying back on the couch, blanket draped over him. “Can you turn the light off too?”

“Yup.” You walk towards the wall and switch the light off. Light from the kitchen still on and you start going towards it. “Have a nice nap.” You say before disappearing into the kitchen, only Jungkook’s distant hum in the background can be heard.

You take a seat on the uncomfortable bar stool and only one thought echoes in your mind.

He lied.

You sit here for like 30 minutes, trying to make sense of his lie. Why would he lie? But if he’s not doing that? Then what is he doing? What exactly has he been getting up to? You know he really was with Jimin. All the phone calls, the texts, the ‘going to take care of some things’. But if it’s not about your accident…then what is it about?

You sigh, feeling defeated because you can’t come up with a logical explanation. 

You don’t want to feel upset about the lie because he asked you to trust him so you will. And he does look utterly exhausted. You feel sorry for him…the state his apartment is in, losing his job, clearly working on something with Jimin. He’s tired. Not to mention, he takes care of you. 

And you want to do something for him. Something that will—that’s right. He did mention something…

You stand from the bar stool, excitement and nerves running through your veins as you rummage through the kitchen. You check every single drawer, cabinet, closet. You even looked in the fridge—desperate times, desperate measures. But nothing. No recipe books anywhere! You quietly go into the living room and search as well, eyes glancing at your knocked out best friend every now and then. Thank goodness he is a heavy sleeper. His snores are honestly louder than your rummaging, though.

There’s no way you don’t own any recipe books…you even remember the ones you had in college. You remember owning some as a 24 year old. So where are they? Jungkook said you got great at baking and he seemed to enjoy your homemade cookies—whichever ones they are. But there is no book around or papers or anything with a recipe on it!

But then a thought hits you. He didn’t…no, why would he? But maybe? You instantly remember the attic. How Jungkook put a bunch of stuff in there to not accidentally overwhelm you with a million things. It’s possible…? It wouldn’t hurt to look, right? You swear you’ll be careful. Eyes looking for recipe books and that’s it!

Alright, you made up your mind. You glance at sleeping, snoring Jungkook again. There’s no way he would wake up anytime soon…he’s completely passed out on your sofa due to exhaustion. You look towards the table by your front door, eyes on his things. His wallet, phone and of course, his keys.

You tip toe over to the entrance, one last glance at Jungkook before swiping the keys off the table. The jingle louder than you anticipated, head snapping in his direction but he only snores louder. You release a breath in relief. You look towards the hallway, a determined look on your face as you walk over there. 

But a look of annoyance quickly falls over your face. Right, it’s an attic. It’s locked. And it’s you know, on the freaking ceiling. You huff out quietly, trying to think of what you can do. Right…there’s a ladder in the guest bedroom closet. But you’re hoping you can do all of this quietly. 

You stuff the keys into your pocket and go inside the bedroom, quickly going into the mostly empty closet when you find the 6ft ladder leaning against the closet wall. You pick it up, thankfully it isn’t very heavy at all and bring it out into the hall, right below the attic door.

You listen for Jungkook’s snores and when you hear them you sigh out. Good. He’s still in deep sleep. You set the ladder up, climbing it quietly, stopping every few seconds to make sure you still hear Jungkook’s snores. Once near the top, you reach for the keys in your pocket. Feeling slightly uneasy being this high up. 

You try to steady yourself, fingers searching for the right key but you have no idea which one it could be. So you begin trying them one by one. Nope, not this one. Nope, not that one. You fiddle through the keys when you spot a small gold one and you decide to try it. You try to get it through the key hole when your shaky fingers fumble the keys and they fucking drop. You feel like you’re losing your balance, heart sinking to the bottom of your stomach. They landed on the metal step right next to your foot. Fucking lucky they didn’t fall to the ground. But damn, it was loud.

You try to calm your breathing.

Your ears paying close attention to every sound around you and a huge lump forms in your throat when you don’t hear the consistent sounds of Jungkook’s snores. 

You’re frozen in your spot. Skin feeling cold but sweaty. Like you’re doing something you’re not supposed to.

After what feels like an eternity your entire body fucking relaxes when Jungkook starts snoring again.

You swear you could laugh and cry at the relief you’re feeling. 

You carefully step down to easily grab the keys again before stepping back up. Your fingers are still shaky but you manage to find that small gold key again and you try to fit it through the keyhole. You try turning it and bam. The door unlocks. 

You wish you could scream in celebration but you remain quiet. 

It’s unlocked.

Feeling giddy, you quickly step down from the ladder and move it to the side. You reach for the long string and pull hard, the door coming down and a wooden staircase follows. You’ve done it. You’ve opened the attic and now you can do as you promised, you can find the recipe books and get the hell out of there before Jungkook even knows you went in.

You take a hesitant first step, glancing once more behind you, his snores soft and consistent before you finally climb the steps and go inside.

It’s dark, dusty and maybe a bit creepy. You reach for your phone, turning on the flashlight as you look around. You find the light switch, turning it on and suddenly the entire attic is glowing in a soft yellow. 

Boxes everywhere. You don’t even know where to begin looking. But the nearest boxes are probably the most promising, right? Your fingers slide over the top of one of the brown boxes before you decide to pry it open. But you aren’t really sure what you’re seeing. A bunch of books, loose papers and random notes. It’s your handwriting. But you don’t know what anything means. So you ignore this box.

You open the next box but there isn’t anything but old clothes in that one.

Next box is a bunch of notebooks.

You groan in frustration, okay maybe this pile wasn’t as promising as you thought so you decide to move on to the other side of the attic. A few boxes that are less dusty than the rest. Okay, maybe this is more promising.

You open the first box you see, fingers lifting each flap open and when your eyes land on the thing lying on the top, your jaw immediately drops. Your heart is thumping more wildly than you’ve ever known, chest tight and stomach dropping completely where all the butterflies reside. You stare at what you’re seeing. In shock? Disbelief? Your hands are still just as shaky as you reach for the thing that rests at the top of this particular box. 

Fingers wrapping around the frame, eyes blinking rapidly as you try to make sense of what you’re seeing. 

Well, you had your suspicions. But not this far. You thought you and Jungkook perhaps maybe hooked up before during these past nine years, or that you did confess to him at some point or you don’t know, but not this. 

You aren’t sure if it’s shock, disbelief or your own selfish happiness. 

You lift the frame up, a smile growing viscously on your lips. “Well, holy shit.” You mutter to yourself. “No fucking way.”

You stare at the framed photo. You and Jungkook, together, in a wedding gown and tux. The year 2016 engraved at the bottom. 

Jungkook isn’t just your best friend.

No, he is also your husband.

~

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