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Utsukushii Kare S2E4: “face me straight on”

Thanks to @linnie-la91 for this screenshot. This line, along with the one following it, ended up being a pretty good summary for this whole danged season: “But he’s a weirdo. We always fight.” Thankfully, the season ended with Kiyoi and his weirdo getting along better.

At long last, here are my thoughts on the big moments in season 2 episode 4 of Utsukushii Kare. There were a lot of them! I’m going to touch on some of the psychology threads I’ve been examining throughout this season but I’ll save my really in-depth analysis of those for another post on the season as a whole. 

Every episode of this season has been packed with character development and things that both clarify and chart changes in the relationship between the leads. It’s not surprising that in the final episode this ramped up even more. Overall, in terms of the dynamics I’ve been writing about, Hira and Kiyoi are finding a more balanced way of relating to each other. Emphasis on *more* balanced, since it’s definitely not there yet, and they might not want it to be entirely balanced anyway. It’s a much-needed and significant improvement. Instead of Kiyoi completely on his own pursuing Hira and getting nothing but fake-pursuit role-playing in return, we saw Hira taking risks and showing awareness of Kiyoi’s actual mental state (instead of the thoughts he wants to ascribe to him for fantasy reasons). 

So, first, the “I’m not going to kiss you…until you finally decide to take me seriously” scene. This move might strike some people as manipulative on Kiyoi’s part. Withholding affection, contact, or physical intimacy definitely can be manipulative. But I actually think it’s a very reasonable boundary to set under these circumstances. Kissing, and whatever might come after it, is one of the few types of pursuit (maybe the only one?) that when Kiyoi engages in it, Hira reliably reciprocates. But physical intimacy often works differently from other types. It’s not unusual at all for someone who distances in other ways to be the pursuer or be much more receptive to being pursued when it comes to sex. In Kiyoi’s case, there are a couple of reasons why this kiss moratorium makes sense. One of the main recommendations for repairing a polarized pursuer-distancer situation is for the pursuer to stop or reduce pursuing (in a calm, mature way, not engaging in reactive distance). Usually this leads (eventually) to the distancer having to try doing some pursuing in order to get their needs met. This is the area of their relationship in which Hira is most likely to really feel the absence of Kiyoi pursuing him. It’s a good start to trying to reverse those roles. 

Also, if I were in Kiyoi’s shoes, as much as I might really want the comfort and reassurance of some physical intimacy after all of the hurt I experienced, I would be very wary of getting into something that would likely feel very bittersweet at best under the circumstances. Being physically intimate with someone who has hurt you deeply when that hurt is not resolved can be painful and destructive. It’s not unreasonable to want to avoid that. Acting like he was going to kiss Hira and then announcing the moratorium in that way was a little mean. But I can see why Kiyoi felt like turning the tables on Hira a bit. 

The talk in the park/on the shrine steps was a huge deal and moved the needle in a few different areas. First, Kiyoi accepted that hints and implications wouldn’t work with Hira and voiced his thoughts and feelings directly. This meant putting himself in a more vulnerable position, which isn’t easy for him. It showed real growth. Hira responded in kind, which represented even more growth for him given how much he’s been living in his own head throughout season 2 (well, arguably, his entire life). Even though his thinking about being “unworthy” of Kiyoi wasn’t hugely different, the fact that he was speaking about it openly and listening to what Kiyoi had to say in response was a big change. 

I loved the direct yet gentle way Kiyoi said, “I don’t care if you’re a pebble or not.” This was immediately followed by Kiyoi doing the same movement/pose he did when asking Hira if he would keep his dance lessons a secret in season 1, looking Hira in the eye from close up and slightly below him. There was a strong contrast here given how much closer they’d become and how much kinder Kiyoi was being, but at the same time, there was also a parallel in that Kiyoi was challenging Hira by saying, “I won’t let you have a one-sided love again.” 

Speaking of parallels, I find it really interesting that Hira brings up what Kiyoi said the night they got together, but I’m not entirely sure what to make of it. Rather abruptly, he looks at Kiyoi and says, “‘If it’s the same as until now, then no.’ When you said that, it made me happy.” I don’t blame Kiyoi for thinking Hira might be making fun of him, because he does his sort of sneaky smile here, just like when he’s teasing Kiyoi about being cute. But I think he seems sincere. This is also the first time either of them really talks about that night (despite parallels galore and clearly intentional references to it in the show). I think it’s promising that Hira is actually acknowledging it after seeming, pretty much this entire time, as if he’d forgotten all about it. But I’m not sure how to interpret that weird smile! And I’m not super clear on the comment about it making him happy. Is there a part of him that was already more willing to change, more interested in finally meeting Kiyoi as equals, than most of his actions in season 1 would suggest? 

Then there’s the exchange about jobs and supporting themselves, which I actually think is one of the most significant moments in the episode. Hira has been talking himself down in part because he’s convinced he won’t be able to find a job after graduation, so Kiyoi brings up the fact that he could actually afford to support both of them. Hira makes a really obvious sour face in response to this and turns away. Kiyoi’s voiceover says, “There it is. Lord Hira gets stubborn about the weirdest things.” (It’s worth noting that this wording sounds a lot like Koyama’s description of Hira in season 1 when he badmouths him in front of Kiyoi as a sort of test–but that’s just in English, I don’t know about the original dialogue.) Kiyoi says, “You don’t like that?” and Hira nods decisively. “Then I was lying. I want you to be like a workhorse. I’ll throw you away if you cause me any trouble.” Of course, Hira grins at this. When Kiyoi says, “So creepy,” I don’t know if I’ve ever agreed more with him applying that label to Hira. 

But for all the weirdness of this exchange, it’s a lot healthier than the way they’ve been communicating, and if Hira is paying attention to this and doesn’t get selective amnesia again, it could point the way toward progress. The blatant way Kiyoi says, “then I was lying” makes it particularly clear he’s just saying what Hira wants him to say, just playing along. If Hira needs for Kiyoi to be this cold, imperious, princely figure, he’ll play along sometimes, but he’ll make it pretty obvious that it’s just a game. If Hira can be content with this and not, as I said, conveniently forget about it being more like role-playing than reality, this could really be a way for them to compromise. Kiyoi just wants to know that at the end of the day Hira knows he’s an actual human being who really loves him and that he’ll drop the servant act long enough to meet Kiyoi’s need for a real partner. Hira has been expecting reality to conform to his fantasy and when it doesn’t, he’s just given up on perceiving reality accurately and let his fantasies seep into real life. If he can handle getting his needs met through this playful version of the fantasy and still remember that it’s not a fully accurate reflection of their relationship, they could really get somewhere.

I want to just briefly touch on Kiyoi’s conversation with Anna here. I found it really sweet. He shows a side of himself with her that he hasn’t anywhere else on the show. He’s partly being deferential out of politeness, but he also seems sincerely in awe of her and genuinely shy. At the same time, he’s remarkably unguarded and sincere whenever they talk. I love his expression and his manner when he comes out to her. It’s so direct in such a cute way. Her excitement about his relationship is also really endearing. Like other folks, I can see that events seem to be pointing toward her being in danger in the movie and I’m also worried for her, because she’s such a likable character. Her mention of “trusting [her]self” and “being true to [her]self” is interesting but I’m not sure if it’s pointing toward something to come in the movie or meant to apply to this episode.

Next up: Hira’s rather bizarre job interview with Noguchi Hiromi. This whole thing was pretty fascinating. I loved Noguchi’s outspokenness. He really went after Hira with no holds barred and yet he did it in a remarkably nonjudgemental way. I found it very significant that even though Noguchi is very critical both of Hira’s personality and his photography and even though at a certain point Hira’s aware that Noguchi is offering him a job, with all of the job interview associations that brings up, he never stutters when he’s talking with him. Well, I take that back. He does stutter very briefly when they first start talking, and then when he starts to excuse himself after Noguchi says his assistant quit so he’s super busy. But those are very low-stakes moments, moments when they’re just starting to interact or he thinks they’re about to stop. When Noguchi really starts giving it to him with both barrels, he’s fine. He even speaks to him in a rather challenging way when he asks, “What part of that makes you want me to be your assistant?” Despite his thought that “he and I don’t match,” it seems they’re actually really well suited to each other. 

The other really notable thing is, of course, Noguchi’s take on Hira as seen through his work, coupled with Hira’s confirmation that “it’s like he sees right through me.” Noguchi sees things in Hira that the viewer hasn’t really had a chance to observe. I’ve read a little bit of the first novel and some of this comes through more there, but there are only the slightest hints of it in the show. Here’s what Noguchi says (per the Viki subtitles, flaws and all): 

It was such a childish photo. You should’ve just chosen an empty place rather than erasing people. Going out of your way to erasing [sic] people made it very clear that you hate this world…What I felt from your photo was tremendous selfishness and disgust. You haven’t succeeded at all, but you think you’re amazing. But instead of showing it outright, you make a shell by belittling yourself. You look down on this world with youth, stupidity, and ambiguity.

I wrote previously about how in some ways Hira seems like a depressive personality but in others like a self-defeating one, and how the biggest difference between the two is that the self-defeating person typically feels aggrieved or resentful. We haven’t seen that aggrieved side come out overtly in Hira in the show much at all, but Noguchi sees it, and Hira confirms it. This is actually pretty consistent with other aspects of his character as well, but I’m going to save my full discussion of that for my post about the season as a whole. 

And now, for that job announcement/gift/kiss scene. Whew, it’s a lot. Hira tells Kiyoi about the job with Noguchi, then tells him, “there’s a photo I want to take.” Basically, he wants to take at least one photo of Kiyoi as a professional and have it published somewhere with his name attached.  Kiyoi understands what this means and is really moved. It’s symbolic of something a lot bigger than just taking a photo. Hira’s talking about meeting Kiyoi on something resembling his own level. This is a great example of what Kiyoi was looking for when he asked Hira to “face [him] straight on.” 

Next, Kiyoi gives Hira a gift for Valentine’s Day, a little box of chocolates and a rubber duck. The duck thing has particular significance given the short thing that the show released on social media a little while ago, in which Kiyoi and Koyama are talking about Hira and they both talk about Hira’s relationship with “Captain Duck” in a pretty disparaging way. Giving Hira a duck is a way of showing acceptance of his eccentricities and meeting him where he is. And Hira’s excitement bears this out–he’s ecstatic. 

And then we have the part of the scene where Kiyoi holds out a piece of chocolate to Hira, ends up feeding it to him, and then one thing leads to another and they’re kissing and collapsing to the floor. I’ve already analyzed this to death so I’ll just summarize here. It’s not 100% clear whether Kiyoi’s moratorium on kissing just applied to him making the first move. It would make sense if it did, since the whole point was for Hira to come to him instead of him always having to do all the pursuing. But either way, it seems like he was ready to lift it, because Hira really had made quite a bit of progress by that point. Or, well, he at least was clearly heading in the right direction. His thing about photographing Kiyoi professionally seemed to clinch it in Kiyoi’s eyes. 

With that kiss, the show also suddenly acknowledged a dynamic that apparently is very overt in the novel because it’s more explicit about their sexual relationship. I gather it should also be pretty obvious, from the use of certain words and other cues, to folks who are familiar with certain tropes that often show up not only in BL and yaoi manga but also other genres. This set of tropes was also mentioned in the first episode of season 1, when Hira apologized for being “too persistent” and said he couldn’t help it because Kiyoi was “cute.” Basically, between these references, the actors’ performances in the kissing scene, and the distinct way of talking that Hagiwara Riku adopts when Hira tells Kiyoi, “I can’t wait any longer tonight,” it’s heavily implied that there’s a kind of role reversal that happens when Hira and Kiyoi are physically intimate where Hira is very authoritative while Kiyoi is more reactive, even shy. Of course, there’s always something to be said for a climactic kiss as you’re nearing the end of any sort of romance-dominated story. But it’s also a bit of a wild choice to throw this very different way they relate to one another at the audience so close to the end of the season. 

Which brings us to the end of season 2. I’m grateful that the most pressing issues between Hira and Kiyoi were left resolved, but there are still tons of loose ends and things that were just getting started when the season ended, which makes sense as they were leading toward the movie. That works great for the audience in Japan, who just have a little over a month to wait until Eternal comes out in theaters. But there’s no telling when it’ll be available to those of us in the U.S., and folks are saying that similar things have taken between six months and a year to make it over here. Well, here’s hoping they at least make an announcement before too long so we’ll have an idea of what to expect…and preferably that they announce it won’t be an entire year.

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