Thinking About Cloud's Silly Special Interest Infodump Tutorial. Look At That Wall Of Text

thinking about cloud's silly special interest infodump tutorial. look at that Wall Of Text

Cloud Strife is truly The Character of all time. He’s a government-trained killing machine. He’s a cross-dressing babygirl. He’s a jaded mercenary who never turns down a job because he likes helping people. He’s an amnesic ecoterrorist who’s killed hundreds of people in order to save the planet from capitalism. He was the only child of a single mom and he’s been miserably in love with the girl next door his whole life. The first time he saw her in a swimsuit he forgot how to talk for ten full seconds. He has the personalities of at least three different people stuffed into his head, and two of them are trying to kill each other (Zack just wants everyone to get along). He’s the result of a mad scientist’s experiment that implanted the cells of a genocidal alien in his body. The son of that genocidal alien is psychosexually obsessed with him. So is the local pimp. His eyes glow because of all the radiation exposure, and half the people he meets are like, “Oof, you’re gonna die young, kid.” He’s a 5’7” short king. He’s a puppet built to bring about the apocalypse. He’s even autistic.

Your childhood crush next door barely knows you exist despite you both living in the smallest town on the planet. To get her attention, you join the military, inspired by your celebrity crush. You don't have a great time, but you eventually do get a boyfriend. You then get to go on the mission of a lifetime with your boyfriend and your celebrity crush! The mission takes you back to your hometown on a journey during which you are accompanied by your childhood crush! Your celebrity crush has a bad time and burns the town, and, as far as you're aware, murders your childhood crush, while mortally wounding yourself and your boyfriend. After recovering for a while, your boyfriend breaks out of captivity with you and sets off to cross the planet with the intention of returning to the apparent safety of his girlfriend who he won't stop talking about. Your boyfriend is then murdered mere steps before you reach your long-sought destination. After arriving in his stead, you unexpectedly run into... your childhood crush! You're so happy she's alive you agree to help her terrorist organization seek revenge on those responsible for your celebrity crush burning your hometown (and for murdering your boyfriend who you're suddenly having a tough time remembering). In the process, you run into your boyfriend's girlfriend! She joins your cause and after travelling together for a little while, she becomes your girlfriend! All seems well until your celebrity crush returns from the dead to murder your girlfriend and your boyfriend's girlfriend, who are the same person. You and your boyfriend are also the same person now, making her your girlfriend twice, technically. You and your celebrity crush are also also the same person now, apparently, meaning, in a way, you and your boyfriend both murdered your girlfriend and your boyfriend's girlfriend who is your girlfriend. You are Cloud Strife.

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