If I Just Became Another Statistic

If I just became another statistic

Would I finally be good enough to notice?

Can’t… stop… watching

“The human heart is a strange vessel. Love and hatred can exist side by side.”

— Scott Westerfeld 

I Spy prepared me for life in a way I never expected... now I'm always searching

I'm a mix of hogwarts and neverland myself :)))

-,’ types of people ,’-

hogwarts: bloody noses, always trying their best, warm sunsets, late summer nights, sharing secrets, messy hair, movie nights, stargazing, wanting to explore the world, standing up for friends, dogs, loud laughs, fuzzy sweaters

narnia: pale white snow, red cheeks, hot tea, fantasy stories, neat notes, big scarves, early morning walks, soft smiles, cute coffee shops, calming energy, cold hands, friendly eyes, wanting to learn more, astronomy geeks

middle earth: ancient souls, coffee, old bookshelves, history nerds, loves mythology, feels at home in the forest, always up for an adventure, oversized hoodies, high grades, striving to be the best version of themselves, cats

neverland: believes in fate, doesn’t care about opinions, flower fields, standing up for what’s right, honey, photography, amazed by the universe, kind souls, often lost in their own thoughts, friendliness, loves the stars, artistic

somethings I worry about on the daily basis...

somethings I worry about on the daily basis include but are not limited to:

• tests

• projects

• homework

• family

• friends

• teachers

• general health

• whether or not my celebrity crush drank water today

• if that thing I said was necessary

• if I've been really mean in the past

• if someone thinks I'm stupid

• or ugly

• or I sound weird

normal things, or at least I think so

but I also worry about not so small things

like if my friends are doing alright upstairs

like if anyone I know is having issues at home

or other personal issues

I worry about the thoughts that swirl in their heads because, if they're like mine, sometimes they aren't nice

I worry about if a lockdown is real

and if what I can do can help more peers out

it's weird to think about throwing a book at someone who intends to end my life but it's a 3 second distraction that means at least more people are safe

I worry about my teachers' health

and that even when they're getting treated for cancer and can barely walk some days they have to come in and teach because that's healthcare and the school district

that they're underpaid and overworked but the district is broke

I worry about my brother

and that he'll get shot down in a conflict he didn't start

that his name will be forgotten by everyone but his family and his story will lose its vibrancy

I worry about my brother-in-law

and that he'll be stereotyped by his melanin

that one of the nicest most passive people I have ever met will face issues categorized by race

that he'll have the full weight of a cop on his neck while he says that he can't breathe

he's already gotten pulled over for no real reason, who's to say next time he won't be asked to step out of the car

or that he'll reach for his I.D. when asked and things get assumed

I worry about myself

that when I'm walking home from the bus stop

if I'm not careful enough

I'll get snatched

that I'll be used and sold

that I won't be able to fight back

but it'll still all be because I was asking for it

that my shoulders were out or my thigh is exposed or God forbid I wear low cut top

I worry that because I'm a "kid"

I won't be heard

that someone will assume I don't understand what I'm talking about

even though I have access to learn about anything I want

but the second I bring up something serious, something I'm concerned about, it's pushed aside because I "don't know what I'm talking about"

I worry

that even though my life expectancy is in the 80s

I'll have to face these issues for 60 or 70 more years

that my kids will face them too

that my worries will be the worries of the next generation

I worry that nothing will change