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The Road Not Taken

(Ao3 link)

Authors: Mod K and Mod A

Rating: NC-17 (hopefully tumblr doesn’t block this).

Word Count: 52,886 words. (Yeah, this is a book. Take your time with it. Sorry it’s so long, we couldn’t decide on a place to cut it.)

Notes: Well, the monster that we’ve been working on since… like March is finally complete.We’d had this idea for a few years now. We had wanted to write a what-if fic, imagining what could have possibly happened had Ken chosen not to go to the anteiku raid at the end of the first manga. We played with the idea even more during Ken’s monologue in chapter 144, where he mentioned that he wondered what would have happened had he chosen to go with Touka and Yomo, instead. We were also somewhat inspired by @ladywongs’s Goodnight, Sleepyhead, and wanted to try our hand at writing a long one-shot.And then, this beast was born.Let us know if you enjoyed it! Leave a comment, like, and reblog if you can, though we know the fandom has been more or less dead since the end of the series. Enjoy! (Alternate Universe, Canon Divergence).

Summary: (In which, Ken chooses to stay during the anteiku raid – and that makes all of the difference.)

–

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.”

- Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken.

—-

Life was a peculiar, merciless beast.

One moment, you’re a freshman – all bright-eyed and anxious  about your first day at university. You hope to meet new friends; or to graduate. Maybe you’ll find a good job or a girlfriend, like you’ve always wanted. Someone who would talk to you about Takatsuki Sen – or Osamu Dazai, who would want to put together the strange, jagged, and uneven pieces of the puzzle that you were. You would leave less like the pathetic loser than when you first entered.

And yet, Ken’s life had gone in an unexpected and chaotic direction. He’s 19 now, looking like hell, while consoling his crying “would be murderer who had become a trusted comrade who actually cares about him at this point, as well as an upperclassman who nearly ate his best friend. Entering University had in fact led to multiple changes in is life, though none of them had been good. He’s even inclined to agree that it had also treated the men before him rather unkindly - with the exception of Tsukiyama-san, he thinks it makes sense why they all dropped out.

It’s not a surprise when he sees the news – the 20th ward was going on lockdown. The doves had found a ghoul den. Life was merciless, after all. Nor is it a surprise when he finds himself standing on that rooftop – contemplating his next move, either.

Stay – or – go?

“It’s fucked up, but that’s how it’s like on this bitch of an Earth,” Nishiki comments over Shuu’s soft sobbing. His heart went out for the guy, it really did, nearly eating his girlfriend aside. “But he has a point, if you want to go into that raid at this point, it’s suicide.”

Nishiki’s eyes study him for a moment. “Unless that is what you want, then go for it. But you should know I think you’re an idiot for even trying.”

Ken looks down at his hands, the anger within him building. He had felt this anger often – at the unfairness of it all – at being weak. He couldn’t protect anything. Nor could he choose. Everything that he touched turned to ash within his very fingertips. Though, this anger is different. It’s deeper – a starker anger that even his body couldn’t seem to contain.  It’s not just limited to himself anymore, he was angry at Rize, his mother, his horrible aunt and her family — angry at this whole fucking world.

– Stay – or – Go?

The list could go on and on but it wouldn’t take the blame off of his own complicity in the bad decisions he’s made.

“Then what do you suggest I do?” Ken asks, at this point he wasn’t even there was anything he could do. The sadness was inescapable, would death even solve it? A death – a stylish one?

Fuck it. Fuck everything.

He wanted to go – he had to try, at least, didn’t he? Even if he wound up dying with the rest of them. It’d be quite a way to die, with his friends at his back. At least then he’d be dying for something. His life would mean something as long as he did that. It was the least that he owed to the staff at anteiku, who had taken him in and showed him a new way of life when he had been at his lowest –

Stay – or  – go –?

“You don’t have to sacrifice yourself — you shouldn’t have to do that, just to go out in style. Does it matter when you really want to live?”

The voice sounded more like Hide than he wants to admit, his thoughts scurrying to his best friend. Granted they’ve never spoke about this so candidly, but it would be nice if Hide were here right now. He would know what to do, wouldn’t he? He was good with plans – with decisions. Choices. What would he do?  Or…

Then don’t come back!

You’re a coward, you only care about yourself.

He clenches his fists. Touka. She was always so decisive, too. She would have an answer – wouldn’t she? Is that what you want? To throw yourself into this endless bullshit?

Maybe that’s exactly what he wanted.

Acting like some shitty tragic hero with that grim look! You’re an eyesore! You can’t even protect yourself, what makes you think you can protect others?!

She was right. She was always right and yet he can still remember making her cry and turn away from him. Would she even want to see him? What would she do? She’d probably go and fight – wouldn’t she? Though, she had told him to live. Fighting would end in death, wouldn’t it? A stylish death – but a death nonetheless. You’re an idiot, he can hear her voice now – so clearly. Are you really couldn’t to throw your life away?

He didn’t know.

“We can run,” Nishiki pipes up, as though sensing his hesitancy. “I’m pretty sure Yomo and Touka are doing the same.” Yomo and Touka? They were safe, then. Somehow, that was a relief. Somewhat.

They listen to Shuu quiet, his pale hands reaching for the can of coffee. Crying was exhausting, he was getting dirt on his expensive clothes. Ken frowns again, that’s how many friends he’s made cry?

“And then?” Ken asks. His mind was already churning, formulating some kind of solution that would keep everyone safe.

“M-My home,” Shuu gasps, wiping at his face. “It’s just my father and I, there’s more than enough room.” Of course he was only speaking to Kaneki.

And maybe little Hinami.

Ken’s expression was unreadable.

Stay – or – go? Stay – or – go? Stay – or – go? Stay – or – go? Stay – or – go?

His eyes squeeze shut, hands balling into fists as he tries desperately to think. He wanted to go – he wanted to go so badly – but – He isn’t convinced yet, he — has to make amends. He had decided to return to anteiku, but there wouldn’t be an anteiku soon, would there? Still – some of the people who had made anteiku into a home for him were still alive, weren’t they?

That’s a good choice, man, Hide’s voice whispers, urging him on. You don’t have to die. Your friends would want you to live.

“Let’s decide as a group then,” he prefers to not think about it, watching the entrance to the 20th get blockaded, it’s difficult to see this but he knew that it was a weight far too heavy for him to carry. And – there were people still waiting for him – weren’t they? I don’t want to leave them behind, he thinks to himself. Not even if I’m not worthy – and even if i’m selfish and indecisive – I shouldn’t… leave them behind.

Nishiki sits up, smirking as he crumpled up the coffee can. Even Shuu’s interest is a piqued.

–

Find the Rest on Ao3:

R.I.P. Stan Lee (December 28, 1922 – November 12, 2018)

IF YOUR ART GETS STOLEN

https://www.tumblr.com/dmca Go there, and do as the instructions say. When my art was stolen, I got the post reported, and it was taken down. Don’t worry, it doesn’t just take down the sources post, but it takes down all the reblogged posts too. Please give this a reblog, many artists out there may not know this is here. And remember, ask permission before sharing, or don’t post it.

Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.

Of fucking course

What sick bastard doesn’t

Show creator: so here’s a witty, smart, well-thought character, with a rich background, complex past, and (s)he has lots of interesting quirks and skills…

Tumblr: YEAH, OKAY, BUT IS (S)HE TRANS? HOMOSEXUAL? POC?

Show creator: why does it ma~

Tumblr: BOOOOOOORING!!!!

writer: this is one of my male characters! he cares about his guy friends and loves them deeply.

tumblr: oh! so he’s gay!

writer: uh…no, he’s attracted to women.

tumblr: ….so he’s bi!

writer: uhh…no…….he loves his guy friends but he’s not romantically/sexually attracted to them.

tumblr: ….so you’re homophobic.

writer:

If you’re European, in a couple of weeks you will be denied any and all access to fandom contents on Tumblr and everywhere else on the internet. Here’s why.

On June, 20th the JURI of European Parliament approved of the articles 11 and 13 of the new Copyright Law. These articles are also known as the “Link Tax” and the “Censorship Machines” articles.

Articles 13 in particular forces every internet platform to filter all the contents we upload online, ending once and for all the fandom culture. Which means you won’t be able to upload any type of fandom works like fan arts, fan fictions, gif sets from your favourite films and series, edits, because it’s all copyrighted material. And you won’t also be able to share, enjoy or download other’s contents, because the use of links will be completely restricted.

But not everything’s lost yet. There’s another round of voting scheduled for the early days of July.

What you can do now to save our internet, is to share these informations with all of your family members and friends, and to ask to your MEP (the members of the European Parliament from your country) to vote NO at the next round, to vote against articles 11 and 13.

Here you can find more news and all the details to contact your MEP:

https://saveyourinternet.eu

Also, sign and share this petition:

https://www.change.org/p/european-parliament-stop-the-censorship-machinery-save-the-internet?recruiter=50668942&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial

We have just a couple of weeks to stop this complete madness, don’t let them dictating the way we enjoy our internet.

#SaveYourInternet now!

I don’t want to add onto the post that I just saw, but considering how many people are buying into this, I HAVE to say something.

A lot of you seem to be completely ignoring the context of all of these situations involving both Kaneki and Furuta simply because you like Furut/a. I mean no disrespect, but these situations are not equivalent — not even in the slightest. If Ken needs to take ownership for all that has happened to him and all that he has done — then so does furut/a.

Fu/ruta was abused — but he still made choices, the same as Ken did. He was not responsible for his abuse but he is certainly responsible for his actions. He is responsible for killing and he is responsible for planning out the entire attack on the 24th ward. He is also responsible for planning out dragon and he is most definitely responsible for what he did to Rize. He did that out spite because she didn’t love him.

And she does not HAVE to love him.

If we are going to talk about the oggai then you need to talk about the fact that Furut// created them and sent them to the ward knowing that he planned for them to die. Ken has responsiblity in killing them — but are we going to pretend that the same children were not murdering everyone that Ken loved?

Did Ken make bad choices? Absolutely — but I will never understand why he is blamed for the oggai and not Furuta when it was his plan to begin with.

Ken killing Rize at this point is moreso because she is at the center of the toxin. He does not want to kill her. I think it is clear that he doesn’t — but Ken killing Rize now because she is the center of the toxin and is actively putting the entire city and his loved ones in danger is not the same as Furut/a methodically capturing her and harvesting her knowing that she wanted her freedom.

I am not happy with Rize dying, either — but that is more on Ishida Sui then a problem with Ken’s character.

And come now — are we really going to put Ken’s abandonment on the same level as Furuta? The man is dedicated to nihilism and destruction and that was entirely his choice. If Ken isn’t allowed to make excuses then why in the world are you infantaliIzing Furuta just to minimize the impact of his choices?

The narrative does not kill Furuta because of his lack of love. The narrative killed Furuta because Furuta consistently made decisions that he knew would hurt others because he was angry at the world WITHOUT remorse.

That is not the same as Kaneki, who has killed and made shitty decisions all while being manipulated, tortured but still tried to do the right thing at points.

There was a great post going around about the characters who get redemption. These character usually have to display the CAPACITY to reflect on their actions — to show something within them that lends itself to change. Mutsuki, Ken, and a variety of other characters have displayed this capacity and that is why they did not die. This is why they found love and support in the end.

Fu/ruta never did.

Like, it’s fine to like a character but a lot of y’all are dragging Kaneki to make Furuta seem blameless and creating equivalences for things that are not equivalent. It makes no sense and it shows that you are missing the point.

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

I love my mom.

I am risking nothing

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

sorry followers :(

Fandom troglodyte: Touka is just a useless c*umdumpster for Ken now and she intentionally trapped him with a baby.

Us: That is some really disgustingly misogynistic language you’re using.

Fandom troglodyte: Me??? Misogynistic???? I just care about what ishida sui is doing to this character!!! I care more than you do!!!!

Us:

Ishida has done nothing but treating Touka so horribly for the past few chapters. All she does lately is moaning about Kaneki and complaining about anything. And now she's in danger and useless in a fight too? While other girls get to kick ass, Touka does nothing but having her world revolved around one man. It's disgusting what's been done to her.

Mod K:

When are we gonna stop thinking that female characters only need to be good in a fight in order to be useful? Touka had an entire grouo of women and children to look after. She is also pregnant. She isn’t dumb and if she raced in against Suzuya’s group she and all of those people would have died.

She has done so much in the last few chapters and it is a shame that so many of you can’t see that since you are so stuck on fighting = useful.

She spoke about Kaneki literally once. Everything else she said was about protecting the weaker ghouls in the ward. She has been strategizing and saving people.

Anyway, Touka has been FANTASTIC this arc and in every chapter since 117.

Hope

The feel of the quinque slicing through flesh was a knife in his gut, slowly and painfully going in. A voice, full of despair suddenly sent ceaseless attacks in his ears; one that rang on his ears and broke his heart, one he couldn’t ever dare forget. And the smell of metallic blood and flesh hung to him and left him with a sick feeling that seeped into his nostrils and down his throat.

“This is not your fault, please don’t think of this as your fault,” a set of lips mouthed the words more than she actually spoke them, her eyes wide in panic and realization of what had just occurred. And yet, the same eyes told him – no, begged him to consider her words. There was scarcely any breath left in her to do more, he noted, and yet she was still slowly and painfully trying to walk to where he was. She moved to reach him with her right hand – to try and reach him, but instead, she fell. The loud thud echoed in his body. He wanted to scream at her that it WAS his fault, that had he been stronger and have done this differently, none of this would have happened. But his mouth did not belong to him anymore and he remained voiceless as he watched her crumble towards the ground, clutching her stomach as she let her tears fall while she fought to keep her eyes open. He should have been here, he should have anticipated this, he should have been better. And yet, once again he has proved how useless he was in protecting the people he loved. If he could have stilled and stopped his heart, he would have, but it was out of his control.

Save for his eyes. It was the only thing in his body which followed the scene that unfolded in front of him. And he saw how his wife’s body shimmered from the tears that burned painful trails along his cheeks as they fell. When she collapsed, he wanted to shriek and howl his grief to the skies, but no sound ever came. He couldn’t even bring himself to get angry, not yet. The air around them, muddied with the smell of flesh and blood, a silent crypt.

Yet a harsh, mocking laughter found his way towards his head, scornful of him and his wife. ‘Once again, your inability to choose caused the death of your beloved and your child.’ The voice mocked in a soft, slow whisper. ‘It’s all your fault, hypocrite.’

‘It’s my fault, it’s my fault.

Why?

Why is it always me?

Is it too much to ask for a sliver of hope in this dark, twisted world?’

The world was turning red and he couldn’t, wouldn’t even try to stop it as all of his thoughts disappeared and turned him back into a monster.

He screamed in fury. There was no turning back.

His eyes jolted open and pulled the rest of Ken awake, to stare at a world that was bathed in a nighttime blue so deep, it was almost black. There was a constant thumping in his ear that felt like the sound of heavy rain, yet he realized that it was mostly due to the heavy beating of the heart that mercilessly pounded against his chest. Knowing it didn’t help dissipate any of his panic, and his limbs wouldn’t answer him. The terror in his mind wouldn’t also grasp that his paralysis was from drowsiness and sleep fog. Flashbacks of the scene suddenly filled his thoughts and started an array of panic that made his fingers shake and his legs kick out like a started deer. They bumped against something solid, and he became painfully aware of another warmth that was pressed in is chest, and wrapped around his arms. It pinned him down, and he trashed in panic until he was released with a startled grunt.

“Kaneki!” A voice blurted into his ear, filled with panic and worry. And as he strained to breathe Ken finally grasped what he was pressed against. He twisted around to see his wife staring at him, eyes wide with worry in a way that sent his stomach back into a lurch. And before his heart could jump back to pounding its way out of his chest, she grabbed both of his hands and wrist and palms and clasped them tightly.

Her grip anchored Ken, and gave him the space to breathe and focus on her touch instead of thinking about the panic that was still trashing inside him. His knowledge of his surroundings slowly began to sink in as time passed between the two of them. The roof overhead was still made of the familiar metal, with the worn-out bed still warm against his body.

‘Home.’ They were in the bedroom, not some half crumbling tunnel where blood rained. When he breathed in, there wasn’t the smell of some flowers of death nor dust, or the metallic taint of blood in his nostrils. Though the air had a damp, humid taste to it, he was still thankful. He could now pick out more of the furnishings in the simple room that they shared – the small lamp in the bedside table and the warmth of the blanket that lay forgotten near the edge of the bed, already going as far as falling from it. His body sank back into the old mattress and the bed rustled as he shifted his legs again, this time without any thrashing as he looked back at Touka.

The worry hadn’t dissipated from his face, but Touka kept her voice hushed as she slowly relaxed her fingers one by one, freeing him. They shifted from their position and she allowed Ken to sit, his eyes never leaving her face. He half-sobbed and half-chuckled as he studied her, alive and well. His relief was so palpable, yet the image of her dying has burnt itself into him as he remembered the sadness that swam in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Touka’s voice brought him back, before he was tangled up with more images yet again.

“Nightmare,” he blurted with a shaking voice. She heard how much each of the syllables he muttered trembled, so she traced her hands from his arms to around his shoulder as her fingers stated to move in circles on his back, doing what she could to ease the fear out.

“Was it –?”

“Y-yeah, the same one.” He knew the question before she even finished, and nodded as he sank into Touka’s arm, finding solace in between the crook of her neck as he breathed her scent. ‘She’s alive, she’s here.’ He kept repeating these words to himself, as if it would be enough to delude him that whatever he had seen didn’t really happen.

‘She’s not dead.’

Having the same nightmare never diminished the terror he felt whenever it visited. It started after their base got attacked by the oggai while they were out hunting for provisions, and it never left.

He couldn’t even count the time he spent trying to process what happened, as the unease in his heart gnawed him. They survived, but they were forever scarred. And it opened up his eyes how his actions spiral into an effect that could mean the death or lives of not only the people whom he wanted to protect, but also the ones who believed in the world that the one-eyed king presented. Fear still kept his throat tight, and his mouth like sand whenever he remembered.

Blood everywhere.

Juuzou’s quinque bringing Touka’s death.

His eyes closed as he forced himself to breathe deep so that the images would fade away. It wasn’t real, they’re alive.

It was fine. Or was it?

“It’s okay, Kaneki.” Her hands moved and cupped either side of his face, keeping their gaze connected. “I’m still here, we both are.” She kissed his forehead to prove a point, her lips radiating with warmed in his clammy skin.

Ken traced his fingers down her arm, resting them over her growing belly. He spread them out until his hands were splayed open-palmed across Touka’s stomach, towards where their child was. He absorbed the feel of her skin and felt the child kick, observing for himself that he was right; ‘Touka’s safe,’ he thought, her skin was unmarked and undamaged. There wasn’t any blood under his touch, though he still kept moving them to make sure. ‘She’s safe and she is here.’

His hands eventually skimmed through Touka’s lower ribs and waist, making her shudder and part her lips in a low moan. Between the pulses, he found her eyes again as their lips finally intertwined. Touka murmured into his mouth, meaningless words that she hoped would give reassurance as they echoed in her mouth and his ears. She was his rock that anchored him from the storm that threatened to sweep him away.

“It was a dream, it wasn’t real.” The same words he kept repeating in his head, she whispered to provide a small comfort of her own. Or at least, an attempt to comfort him even if she knew it still shook him.

He never fully confided in her, even if he was so snug against her and wrapped in her warmth. There was a chill working its way back to his skin, one that didn’t vanish even if he was watching her. Ken could still imagine her face once again contorted with pain and anguish, while her eyes pleaded him not to blame himself.

‘She should know.’ He told himself, fighting against the knots forming in his stomach. ‘She is my other half and my wife. She deserved to know all of it.’

His hand curled into a fist against her collarbone, his face contorted in pain and anguish. He would never forget that day. How could he? He almost lost his mind in worry when he saw their base littered with bodies of both allies and foes. The first thing he tried to do was look for her, hoping that she was ok. And when he did find her, he was ridden with guilt. But even if she was tired and hurt, she was still the one who offered comfort. Guilt ate him afterwards, and if weren’t for the fact that Touka was there to set him straight, he knew he wouldn’t have recovered.

Because he had no choice but to recover. For the future of his people, loved ones and that of his child. Had that been taken away from him as well, he might have already lost it and would’ve become a monster.

‘Be strong,’ he thought, swallowing as he forced himself to speak. “It just wasn’t a dream, Touka-chan,” his voice was rough as if he just swallowed a handful of sand, it pained him to keep speaking. “In my nightmares, I am reminded how close I was to losing you, and I still regret it every day.”

The whirlwind of emotions flooded his thoughts and his mind, drowning what coherency he had left in his speech. “I – if, if only I was a better king, I would have been able to avoid all the senseless death that happened that day.” Battered from the nightmare, he left the full events of his dreams spill out for the first time. His throat rasped when he described how Juuzou cut her, how he was too late to save her and all the ghouls under his care. “I want to do anything I can to undo it, but it doesn’t matter how much I try to cry or beg or even scream – in the dream, you still died. It’s still because of me.”

Touka might have followed his thoughts, as she held him closer, fingers closing around his. “Baka.” She smiled.

“Look.” Her voice was almost too close to the one in his dreams, pleading for his focus to stay with her. The roar of his own heartbeat half-drowning out his voice didn’t help either. When he kept his eyes on their entwined fingers, she looked at him. “Please look at me.” It wasn’t an order, but his head dipped itself to look at her anyway.

She didn’t look scared, or angry or any of what he was half afraid of. What she had instead were concerned eyes narrowing as she brushed some stray hair away from his face. Her fingers were soft with their touches, giving him a slight sense of reassurance, yet it felt like she was afraid that if she pressed too hard, it might break him. And given how fragile he was at the moment, it might come true with the slightest provocation.

“You’re greater than whatever it is your nightmares tell you,” she spoke softly against his ear, pulling him close as she rested her head in his shoulder. “We survived, and we are here. And I know you will do everything you can in your power to keep it from happening again.” He burned from the words, his eyes downcast as he took in everything she said. ‘Can he really do that?’

“I believe in you, Kaneki.” His eyes widened at the magnitude of her words. They were soft, almost a whisper, yet it was as if it was all that he needed.

He held up long enough to listen to her words, before falling into her chest with something that might have been a laugh or a sob. He couldn’t really tell with how much was crashing through him. His face was burning; eyes, throat and even his nose, and he pressed himself into her neck to stall the feeling.

His wife didn’t say anymore, and instead traced her fingers through his hair until they were woven well in and could hold him steady. In another breath, she drew his head close to hers and the rest of his body shifted so that they lay flush together.

Hours later, Touka had an easier time finding sleep than he did. Ken didn’t know what weighed more on him and kept him awake – the worry of what might be waiting for them over the horizon, or the fear of what would be waiting for him in his dreams. He had to bring his own hands and stare at it, and see that the skin was clean with no traces of her blood.

He shifted his gaze to his wife and smiled at her peaceful face. It hadn’t been easy for them during the last months, especially with her pregnancy and the everyday danger that GOAT had to face. Gently, he brushed a stray lock away from her face as he recalled how hard this pregnancy had been on her.

She still hated every bite of human food that she took in order to care for the baby. There was even a time she threw up in his chest because her body had been rejecting it awfully. On days like those, he chose to be at her side almost every waking hour of the day, knowing that he couldn’t, wouldn’t even dare to leave her alone. And even if he knew he was useless, he wanted to at least make sure he could give as much as comfort as he could for her. In some days, it would break his heart for him to see her suffer for the sake of their child, to have to watch her be miserable.

Yet she endured. They endured.

They were both ecstatic to meet their young one, but the fear of what kind of world he would be brought into always lingered in his heart. He wanted his child to be brought into a world where fighting wasn’t needed, where he would be happy to choose and live however he wanted without any repercussions nor danger. Because of this, he had been working extra hard to find a way to achieve peace to end this conflict, and they were close.

He rested a hand on his wife’s bulging stomach, as if silently trying to convey unspoken promises to his unborn child. He knew he had done a sucky job as a king, yet, even after all this time, he had been trying to change – to shift his views for a future that ghouls and humans can enjoy, a future where his child will live happily and laugh freely, for the cycle of hatred and tragedy to end. It was Touka who made him realize that.

“I believe in you.” The words now echoed in his heart and mind.

For the cage to break and reveal a set of white wings that can fly high in a beautiful, peaceful world.

“I believe in you.”

The pregnancy had been a touchy subject when he brought it up with his close friends, yet everyone’s response what that of joy… and hope. Still, although he couldn’t fathom how it could spell as a hope in a world that still seethed with destruction, he felt like this elevated his role not as a king, but because he wanted be a father who wanted to provide his child with a world devoid of danger and troubles. A world without despair and loss – where their child would grow up with both parents showering him with love.

A world without tragedy.

“Still awake?” Touka’s words was laced with drowsiness. “You should get some sleep.”

“I know… just thinking about things.” As he spoke, Touka slid one elbow off him so she could prop herself up on the mattress and look down at Ken. She tried to put a stern look on her face as she listened, which was slightly ruined by the fact that her eyelids were still heavy with sleep.

“I thought we made it clear that it will be my job to plan and consider things from now on?” She said, managing to put some scolding in her voice well enough. Ken grinned back at her as she laid her fingers out on the skin of his shoulders.

“Yes, but I wouldn’t let you do that on your own.” Touka snorted in response and looked at him seriously. “Another thing weighing on your mind now?”

He sighed, looking at her eyes. “Yes.”

His response was enough to pique her curiosity, sleep forgotten as she settled down and rested her head in his chest. “Why?”

“I was thinking about a world where our little one would be happy.” He whispered sheepishly, his cheeks flush from the revelation as he touched his wife’s growing bulge, feeling the life underneath it. “I don’t know how I’d fare as a father, but I want to give this child a world where he does not have to go through the pain that we did.”

Touka smiled at his earnestness and covered the hand in her stomach with her own as she closed her eyes. “You will.”

His gaze shifted to her, seemingly lost on how she could say it with ease. “How can you be sure?”

Sensing his hesitance, Touka put his hand where their child just kicked her, in an attempt to make him feel the growing lifeform inside her that she had tried so hard to protect. “The world changes, Kaneki. What hardship we feel right now doesn’t have to be the same for our child and if he does get hurt or fall down, he has us.” I no longer feel worried that you will disappear because I have hope, hope that you want this as much as I do.

“I don’t even know if I will be a good parent.” He revealed, looking at the ceiling.

“Me too.” She closed her eyes as she concentrated the movements of their child inside her, still marveling at the life that lay safe and protected in a cocoon. It was surreal, especially for someone like her. Despite the dangers and the uncertainties, this child had given her light in the darkness that was this world. And it was up to her to see that he/she would be able to experience the joy and pain of living. “But it is something we will have to learn together.”

Ken smiled, reassured that whatever happens, and no matter what shitty job he did, he would always have Touka. She gave him hope when he felt like his life had come to a stop. And she lighted that hope to a point that he no longer had to focus on surviving, but so that they could look forward to a future untainted by blood.

“What would I do without you?” He smiled at her, pulling her tightly in his arms.

Touka blushed profusely, her embarrassment apparent at his words, and yet her eyes looked sad and melancholic as she gazed somewhere he couldn’t reach. “There was no way you’d be here, baka-Kaneki.” There was a hollowness to her voice, and he could see how drained she was from the slump of her shoulders and the dip of her head. If their foreheads weren’t almost touching, he might have never heard any of her words.

“But we’re both still here.” He had to point it out to her this time around, to remove the waver in her eyes. “And I’m glad for this hope you gave me.”

Ken twisted his hand around, tucking it behind her head to pull her forward until they were curled so tight together.

Hope.

Touka smiled contentedly, the word ringing like a melody in her ears. In that moment, it was Ken who fell asleep first, with her tracing a hand through his hair. His dreams were quiet that night, save for a clear blue sky and the presence of a child holding his mother’s hand smiling, as if waiting for him to join them.

And this time, it was his hope to see it come true.

Some members of the fandom always complain about Touka being too “mean” to Kaneki, but it’s one of the things that I love most about her – and their relationship.

Touka is that she is one of the only characters in the series to always be upfront with Kaneki. She has always told it to him straight, while other characters have glossed over his issues and secretiveness, or just never brought it up (especially when he was the leader of his little group). Touka was even the first person to come out tell Kaneki that he was being selfish through his self-sacrificial actions as he fought a pointless and endless battle. Kaneki is such a good actor, that even he isn’t aware of his own true motivations, telling himself lies that he believes. That is, until Touka is the first person to hit the nail on the head.

Touka doesn’t sugar coat – and she doesn’t treat Kaneki with kid-gloves. Even Kaneki later admits that what she said was entirely accurate. Even after his revelation during his torture, he was still doing the same thing as his mother did – trying to sacrifice himself for others just so that he wouldn’t feel alone. Becoming the person who was hurt.

Even during the infamous, “Are you a virgin?” conversation, Touka confronts Kaneki about his actions. She has certainly gained more tact over the years, but she is just as blunt as she always is. She tells him that she’s afraid that he’s going to disappear and asks him why he has left her behind on important missions.

Time and time again, Touka is one of the only characters in the manga to call Ken out for what he has done wrong. She demands accountability, where as other characters have let “bygones be bygones,” even about situations that demand accountability from Kaneki. Despite what some of the fandom likes to think, Kaneki has done a few things wrong – being a survivor of abuse does not excuse him from accountability of his actions, even if his past does explain his actions. It’s what I love about her.

I’ve recently been seeing a lot of posts popping up where people have a problem with Touka offering Kaneki sex in chapter 130.

From what I’m understanding, this scene is bad because Kaneki looked sick and tired and she should have known better than to offer him sex and by doing so, she was making him uncomfortable and threatening his mental health.

I’ve even seen people make edits switching the genders of both Kaneki and Touka and claiming that people would have a problem with it if the genders were reversed. This is absolutely not the case as couples routinely offer each other sex from time to time. I do no understand this argument because it would have been one thing had Touka kept pushing the issue when Kaneki said no, but she didn’t. She dropped it and didn’t ask again.

Kaneki is an adult. He is twenty-three currently and is old enough to turn down sex if he doesn’t want it. Even if the genders were reversed there would still be no problem because couples have sex with each other. People in relationships offer each other sex! What is with these literal ass pulls in order to demonize Touka’s character? For people who claim to care about Kaneki’s well being so much – so many of you want to believe that he is being coerced into a sexual relationship with Touka. I literally do not understand this?

Touka is just as sick as Kaneki – everyone underground is suffering from starvation as there is no food. Touka is forcing herself to eat human food to try to keep her growing baby alive. The CCG is looking to close in on them at anytime. Sex can be a fun distraction from all of that terror, but some of you can’t wrap your heads around why Touka would want to offer the person who she’s in a physical relationship with sex?

Do some of you understand how relationships and sex actually work? I am inclined to believe that you don’t – or you’re just being willfully ignorant because you dislike the ship. It is cool to not like touken or to have issues with it because of the hitting (even though it’s a shonen/seinen trope played for laughs and not intended to be actually violent and harmful, but I digress), but trying to make it seem like the relationship is non-consensual is frankly, rather disgusting. At the end of the day, no matter how much of you try to hide this fact, this is about shipping. I guarantee that if this same scene happened with the ship of your choice, then none of you would bat an eyelash.

After unhealthy relationship, I finally got my sunshine back

This also kind of sounds like character hate, but I’m once again going to publish the ask instead of deleting it to prove a point. Pretty much any relationship in TG would be an unhealthy relationship at this point, because these characters are jumping into relationships before they are fully formed people.

Even if Hide had suddenly appeared and started making out with Kaneki in 124+125, the resulting relationship would have been just as unhealthy because this is how Kaneki treats his relationships with all people. 

Even when Hide was Kaneki’s voice, his lone friend and connection to the world Kaneki was distant to him at almost all times. He never showed Hide when he was upset, or never confided him when he was in trouble. When Kaneki became a half ghoul, he spends the entire manga abandoning Hide rather than telling him because that abandonment was preferable because at least he was in control rather than Hide rejecting him after learning the truth in a way that he cannot control. 

Kaneki even says so himself, that his emotions towards Hide were so strong that he wasn’t able to do anything. It literally brought him to a stopping point. Kaneki wanting to see Hide so bad whenever they’re apart, but also unable to bring himself to actually face him does that exactly sound like a healthy relationship?

Any relationship with Kaneki at this point would be plagued with the same unhealthiness and communication issues. I mean look at how Kaneki is pretty content to accept Tsukiyama’s blanket forgiveness for his own actions because it’s more convenient and avoids a real confrontation. Look at how Kaneki breaks down crying and talks about his own loneliness when Akira says something as simple as “I need to figure these things out for myself and not depend on you.” This is pretty much how Kaneki acts with anybody, it’s not a Touken Specific thing. 

Avoidance and non-communication are pretty much his default settings. 

I used to ship touken. Hell, the only fanfiction I've ever published is touken. And yet, by the time it was canon, I was sort of over it. So... Could you like, show and pinpoint where exactly is that development people are talking about? Honestly I watched my newly discovered indifference towards the ship turn into goddamn disbelief as I still don't know When and How did touken happen. ? I have no idea how ch.125 came into existence. What chapters should I reread, maybe?

I’ll leave you a few links about metas that explain your question way better than I could do. 

—Kaneki and Touka: Parallel Journeys, Part 1—Kaneki and Touka: Parallel Journeys, Part 2—Kaneki and Touka: Parallel Journeys, Part 3

and these ones down below for a little extra info.

—Analysis of ch125.—About Touka and Kaneki’s relationship.—Haise’s feelings for Touka.—About Touken being something that was introduced since the beginning.

Do you think that Touka is useless now or that he abuses Kaneki? (Because of touken) I've seen a lot of people go about those topics and how she's lost all depth since ch 125?

They’re talking out of their anuses. Touka is quite obviously in charge of Goat when Kaneki isn’t around and she’s currently leading an evacuation by herself and kicking arse while doing it. So ‘useless’. Honestly. While I despise the notion that a character’s utility is directly proportional to the number of fights they’re in, by that logic it would make more sense to level that accusation at Touka in the second half of the first series or the first half of :re, but now? Now, when Touka is being most dramatically and obviously useful, is the time they choose to call her useless? The reason is obvious - because now she’s with Kaneki. 

Don’t be fooled anon, this is nothing but thinly-veiled ship hate, making accusations without a shred of evidence. People are touting a soundbite from legitimate feminist discourse when it has absolutely no relevance to this current situation.

The original feminist objection was that frequently in literature a strong female character will lose their independent arc and strength of character upon finding love in a man and be reduced to a docile housewife figure. Examples of this are Eowyn in The Lord of the Rings and almost every female character in Yugioh. However, that legitimate objection has countless times been ripped out of context and taken to mean “Strong female characters cannot be involved in a romance as it reduces their characters to nothing.” This is a gross conflation with the original objection. If the character continues to be strong and continues to contribute to the story even after finding love - like Touka quite clearly does - then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. People are confusing the cause with the effect; while the original objection blames the effect (passivity and shallowness), the bastardised version targets the cause (love), even when said cause doesn’t always lead to the undesired effect. And despite its feminist pretences, the bastardised version is actually humongously sexist in that it assumes women can’t fall in love without becoming useless.

Touka is every inch as deep a character as she was before and there’s been zero evidence to the contrary. Her character, like Kaneki’s and pretty much everyone in the story, has always been very love-focused from the start, whether familial, friendly or romantic. Her love for Kaneki and her child now is the natural progression of that character, not some sudden transformation into a different one. She hasn’t lost her depth just because she’s found some happiness; you don’t have to be constantly brooding to be a deep character. She also can’t be accused of antifeminist character reduction for finding happiness in a man when Kaneki too finds his happiness is her.

The abuse part is absolute bollocks. There have been no dark undertones to their relationship whatsoever, and when Ishida wants to depict abuse, we know. Eto and Karren, Kaneki and his mother, Kaneki and Arima, Kaneki and Yamori, Torso and Mutsuki, Torso and his father - it’s all very obvious. Touka has been enormously self-sacrificing and supportive of Kaneki - the human food, the whole situation with Yoriko - and has allowed him to make whatever choices he thinks best (it was Kaneki who proposed, after all). Calling her abusive because of what everyone who has watched anime ever knows is slapstick violence is like accusing Saiko of being a heartless body-shamer for calling Urie a Machy Boy.

It’s just salt and ship hate trying to pass themselves off as having the moral high ground and looking all the dumber for it. Funny how blogs who barely even mentioned Touka before 121 are suddenly so distraught about what’s happened to her character.

Really man the way sasuke is represented as this evil dude just because he is against a group of brainwashed fools like Naruto, kakashi,Itachi and Fangirls like Sakura is very sad. If he was in other good series then he could have made some real friends. Really narutoverse is dangerous don't you think compared to other series worlds? It only consists of brainwashed fools including mc and if you raise Ur voice Ur branded as traitor and kill u like a dog or brainwash you

don’t dictatorships always portrayal dissents and disloyalty to the state as evil and harmful to society anyway? I hate naruto so damn much, kids should be taught it’s healthy to be sceptical and critical of your government and politicians, not fucking being taught it’s good to be a blind conformist and a tool for the state.

I don’t understand how even among some anti, they’re like “I love naruto, but…”. Just the political messages themselves should make you reject the series entirely, they’re THAT bad.

One thing I detest about Naruto fans is them comparing him to every single shounen hero. Goku, luffy, Edward etc. The other day I saw some guy comparing him to kenshin himura and saying they both succeded in finding peace. The things that Naruto even bothered about like killing of innocents, child soldiers where the things kenshin detested. Why can't Naruto fans understand that the moral drive present in other heroes is not there in naruto?

Peace? Isn’t Konoha destroyed again? XDD

Naruto stans are like him, they don’t care about morals, they care about recognition, they think being compared to other MC is a form of recognition. You’d notice naruto stans are the only ones who compare their fav to every other shonen MC out there. Luffy and Ed’s fans don’t feel the need to do that, because they’re already in a highly regarded series. 

So apparently at comic-con Kishimoto openly came out and said that even his wife despises how Naruto ended and even got into a fight with him over it. This has completely made my day.