The Victim Was Found Strangled To Death With A Rosary, Stabbed Through The Heart With A Crucifix And

The victim was found strangled to death with a rosary, stabbed through the heart with a crucifix and stuffed full of garlic from several orifices. No reason to suspect the victim was a vampire, so currently we are trying to figure out what the fuck did he do to piss off the italians.

Batman’s “you are going to fuck up, I am going to teach you how to fuck up less” is one of the things he says that utterly infuriates people when they first hear it but becomes reassuring in hindsight once the reality of being a hero hits

And they were flatmates

A Patchwork Fantasy Tale about a cohabitation calamity.

Surely all that stuff about vampires and werewolves not getting along is just nonsense, right?

Read the transcript for this episode here.

Find everything about this podcast and my other projects on laurasimons.com.

Follow this podcast on Tumblr!

Check out composer Kai Engel, who wrote the theme song “Holiday Gift”.

Penny for a tale? You can tip your storyteller on Ko-fi!

Click here to go to the new episode!

Batman has a very specific code that's on everyone's communicator that he warns the JL to 'Never tap into it unless I'm indisposed and the world is 2 seconds away from ending'

Fast forward a few years and batman is knocked out cold and the world is 2 seconds away from ending when one JL member rmbers batman's 'very important do not tap unless absolutely necessary' button

So obviously the JL taps it expecting some god or smth and who else picks up but a woman who's simultaneously yelling commands,tapping aggressively at what they assume to be a keyboard and calmly telling them that she's Oracle,that she's already linked every person on the battlefield's comms to the 'batfamily comms'(direct wording) and that she's sending reinforcements as they speak

Then,while the JL is still in shock,Red Hood the fucking drug lord lands beside them and starts shooting up enemies,Nightwing is futher back backflipping,Red Robin is doing his shit

A mysterious black cowled girl pops up beside them and starts gently telling(ordering) them to specific parts of the battlefield(Hal gets so spooked he screams),a fully purple girl is beating enemies up next to them,a guy in neon yellow is punting enemies to the ground.

And some random ass 10 y/o is screaming bloody murder as he incapcitates enemies thrice his size

Concept: Jason sending Tim a different drug dealer’s name every month so that rich kid Tim Drake tries to make the dealer sell to him as a test if they’re truly sticking to Jason’s no selling to kids rule.

Jason has essentially killed two birds with one stone, 1. He got to identify and take out the fuckers that were still selling to kids and 2. He essentially made sure Tim could never buy anything from Gotham’s dealers. Call it his way of caring.

To anybody else, Tim just looked like another stupid rich kid who doesn’t know what they’re getting themselves into but the ruse is up when the news starts spreading that anyone who sells to Tim Drake specifically will get their ass busted by the Red Hood. So the next time Jason sees Damian he pitches the idea up to him and the few dealers that sell to Damian get an especially slow and painful treatment cause how dare they sell to what is very clearly a 14 year old baby??

The operation is kept strictly away from Bruce, of course, until one day some reporter breaks the story about billionaire Bruce Wayne’s kids caught trying to buy drugs and all HELL breaks loose. The end result was all of them being grounded for a month after a 5 hour long rant about responsibility and damaging their civilian reputations and the entire Wayne family being blacklisted from the drug market no matter how much cash they wave around.

i either see gay ships as my two fathers or my son and his stupid little boyfriend