What Women Want, According To The First 10 Minutes Of The Old Guard:

What Women Want, according to the first 10 minutes of The Old Guard:

- cool sunglasses

- to be called “boss”

- big snuggly hugs from guys who are not romantically interested in you

- baklava

- an axe

I don’t care about the twitter people’s replies to this I want the white whales of the literary salon tastemakers on tumblr

With Miss Universe 2022 coming down the pike, I’ve realized that I somehow missed one of my favorite bonkers fashion events for both 2020 and 2021! Which cannot stand. Before I start, though, I want to discuss some of the common Fashion Pitfalls of the Miss Universe national costume event.

There are some broad categories that most Miss Universe national costumes will fall into. Generally, they will incorporate one or more of the following elements:

There is a delicate balance to be sought, between using too few of these elements, and trying to incorporate too many into a single look. The other important axis is, of course, execution, both of concept and in construction and materials.

Basically, the ideal Miss Universe national costume scores high on the following measures:

Wearability: is the contestant visibly struggling to balance the giant headdress, is it too heavy to move naturally, are the spike heels likely to catch on the fringe, etc

Construction: is the costume well-made from beautiful, high-quality materials, are the wings securely attached, if there are moving parts do the mechanisms get stuck, is it visibly shedding rhinestones or feathers

Concept & Execution: does the costume have a novel or well-thought-out inspiration, and is that idea executed with a clever and visually appealing design? or did you just paint SAVE THE RAINFOREST on a cape and call it a day?

Aesthetics: is it actually nice to look at? what percentage of the audience is going to tilt their head to one side and say “huh. okay,” when they see it?

The Fucking Audacity: this one is hard to articulate but tbh you’ll know it when you see it.

Scoring especially high in any of the above categories may compensate for a deficit in one of the others, especially if you go extra hard on Fucking Audacity.

up next: some  compare & contrast!

last christmas i made little Gävlebocken ornaments

I dunno maybe the horrors would be less daunting if we were holding hands

Who benefits from the goat being unburnt? Are we missing part of the fun here? On the ground in Gavle is there a crowd of hometown heroes thwarting arsonist assassins left and right?

Catch me fighting the Gavle volunteer army surrounding the goat on my way to commit arson.