The Devil Walks Into Your Work On A Thursday.

The devil walks into your work on a Thursday.

“Hi,” you say, “welcome to McDonalds.”

The devil clops up to the register, red eyes sliding from the cartoonish picture of Grimace, to the Coca Cola drying in the grout, to the ketchup stain on your pale blue button down.

“What can I get started for you today,” you prod when he continues to stare.

“Uh,” he says. “I came for your soul?”

Your smile slips for a moment before you can pin it back in place. Thank goodness your manager is on their lunch. “We don’t sell that, I’m sorry. Have you tried a Big Mac?”

“I know McDonald’s doesn’t sell souls,” the devil says. “Your parents sold your soul. Before you were born.”

“Oh,” you say. That would explain…a lot, actually. “Well. I’m at work, so…can you collect later?”

“I’m owed your soul on your 18th birthday,” he says.

“It’s my birthday today?” You glance at the register. “Wow. I forgot.”

“That is so fucking sad,” the devil says. He punched the bridge if his nose. “When is your shift over?”

“3am.”

“Jesus,” the devil says. He turns on his hoof. “I’m going to go buy you a cake or something.”

“Wow,” you say. You press a hand over your heart. “That—that actually would make my week.”

“And that’s sad,” the devil calls over his shoulder. “See you at 3!”

Now you have a reason to look forward to getting off work.

I want the writer’s strike to last until they get everything they demand and more. I want the SAG strike to last until AI is entirely forbidden across the board in the entire industry. I want CGI artists to unionize and strike. I want animators to strike. I want composers and directors and designers and VAs and techies and producers and stage hands and game devs and programmers and recording artists to strike.

I want every aspect of the entertainment industry brought to a grinding halt for months or even years to take it from the corps and put it back in the hands of the artists.

You’re an ancient Greek man coming home from 4 months of war to find your wife 3 months pregnant. Now you’ve embarked on a solemn quest: to punch Zeus in the face.

If your town has a local library with A/C that is also a good place to go for a few hours to cool down and unlike movie theaters they are usually free. Even if you don't have a library card you can sit in the building and read. In my area (eastern US) many libraries are designated cooling stations (and in winter designated heating stations) for the public to specifically use if they don't have A/C or heat.

to uk peeps

so you guys are facing down yet another global warming summer and as an american i feel entitled to barge over and give you a lot of advice about how to live your life. also i’m used to surviving 90-110 degree summers (32—43 celsius) with no ac. so here we go. 

you need to drink  a lot of water. on average you should be drinking about two liters. on hot days, double that. 

fill plastic water bottles halfway up and stick them in your freezer. take them out once they’ve frozen and fill the rest up with water, drink the water, fill it up again, and carry it around with you until it’s time to get the next ice bottle. also you can put the icy end against your throat or over your chest for maximum refreshment.

consider making a lot of sun tea. get big glass jars or a pitcher. put a bunch of your preferred teabags in it with some sugar. if you want to be an american southerner, your tea should be green or black and your sugar amount should be enough to kill a child. if you want to be sane, put in as little sugar as you can get away with so it’s not dehydrating, and stick with herbal teas because the last thing you want during the heat of the day is a caffeine boost. leave your tea on a windowsill. after a few hours it’s steeped and you can put it in the fridge. tadaaa. 

fruit juice, soda pop, beer, and a lot of sports drinks like gatorade all dehydrate you, and in really hot weather they’re dangerous because people will drink them instead of water. drink an equal amount of water as anything with sugar. see prior point about sun tea. 

when you sweat you lose salt. so don’t feel bad about eating some junk food. 

freeze grapes. eat the grapes. repeat. 

get a hat with a brim. baseball caps are ok but wide brimmed hats are better because they shadow the back of your neck and that’s one less thing to have to worry about. 

don’t wear knit caps. just… no. 

you don’t get more sunburned because it’s hot, you get more sunburned because when it’s hot you wear less clothes. so don’t freak out.

if you don’t have AC you can put a bowl of ice behind a fan. this creates a swamp cooler, by pulling the air over the ice. also, put on a wet t-shirt and sit in front of it, and you’ll cool further by evaporation. 

speaking of evaporation, watch out if it’s humid. you don’t cool down from sweating as much when the air’s already saturated. drink more water, have more salt, and change your shirt a lot. 

heatstroke is serious shit, and kids and the elderly are prone to it. but whatever your age, if you feel nauseous, headachy, or short of breath, the heat’s getting to you. pour your water bottle over your head and go sit in the shade. keep an eye on friends and family as well. 

if someone stops sweating when they’re still out in the heat, that’s serious business and get them medical treatment as soon as possible. it’s a case of dehydration and/or heatstroke.  

UPS has reached an agreement with the Teamsters union to avert a strike. These are the highlights of the tentative 2023-2028 agreement:

Historic wage increases. Existing full- and part-time UPS Teamsters will get $2.75 more per hour in 2023, and $7.50 more per hour over the length of the contract.

Existing part-timers will be raised up to no less than $21 per hour immediately, and part-time seniority workers earning more under a market rate adjustment would still receive all new general wage increases.

General wage increases for part-time workers will be double the amount obtained in the previous UPS Teamsters contract — and existing part-time workers will receive a 48 percent average total wage increase over the next five years.

Wage increases for full-timers will keep UPS Teamsters the highest paid delivery drivers in the nation, improving their average top rate to $49 per hour.

Current UPS Teamsters working part-time would receive longevity wage increases of up to $1.50 per hour on top of new hourly raises, compounding their earnings.

New part-time hires at UPS would start at $21 per hour and advance to $23 per hour.

All UPS Teamster drivers classified as 22.4s would be reclassified immediately to Regular Package Car Drivers and placed into seniority, ending the unfair two-tier wage system at UPS.

Safety and health protections, including vehicle air conditioning and cargo ventilation. UPS will equip in-cab A/C in all larger delivery vehicles, sprinter vans, and package cars purchased after Jan. 1, 2024. All cars get two fans and air induction vents in the cargo compartments.

All UPS Teamsters would receive Martin Luther King Day as a full holiday for the first time.

No more forced overtime on Teamster drivers’ days off. Drivers would keep one of two workweek schedules and could not be forced into overtime on scheduled off-days.

UPS Teamster part-timers will have priority to perform all seasonal support work using their own vehicles with a locked-in eight-hour guarantee. For the first time, seasonal work will be contained to five weeks only from November-December.

The creation of 7,500 new full-time Teamster jobs at UPS and the fulfillment of 22,500 open positions, establishing more opportunities through the life of the agreement for part-timers to transition to full-time work.

More than 60 total changes and improvements to the National Master Agreement — more than any other time in Teamsters history — and zero concessions from the rank-and-file.

Unions work, unionize.

a commission of ratthi and murderbot hanging out for @kawy on twitter!