Crowley Was Rather Proud Of The Employee Hellpline. There Had Been A Contest, About Twenty Years Back,

Crowley was rather proud of the Employee Hellpline. There had been a contest, about twenty years back, to create the most confusing phone structure possible, and Crowley had won. (He'd got inspired by calling up a telecom company to cancel service. Despite the fact that he'd made the call without an account, he'd left having agreed to a phone/television/Internet bundle and two magazine subscriptions.)

What he’d forgotten was the fact that he was an Employee, and thus had to navigate the labyrinthine obscurity of the Hellpline every time he needed to put in a request for a little extra power or office supplies. Fortunately, he didn't tend to make many calls; unfortunately, this meant that any insight he gained into the pattern had generally evaporated by the next time he had to face it.

Which was how he came to be sitting in his car, twenty minutes late for lunch, being informed in a monotone that he’d better listen carefully to the following menu, as options might have changed.

“For complaints about colleagues, press 1. For complaints colleagues made about you, press 2. For accounts payable, press 3, then 8, then turn the phone around and repeat. For accounts receivable, enter your ID in reverse. For all other financial requests, spell the first 10 pages of the Bee Movie script using your keypad. For—”

There was a knock at the window. “Are you quite all right?” Aziraphale said.

Crowley rolled the window down, half-listening to the phone menu. “Sorry I’m late—”

“You weren’t late. You drove up twenty-five minutes ago and took the ‘Reserved for Customers of AZ Fell & Co’ spot. So no actual customers have been able to park here this entire time. Which is dreadful,” Aziraphale added happily. 

“This concludes the menu. Make your selection in the next four seconds or this call will be terminated. Four…three…” Crowley racked his brains attempting to remember whether accounts payable was 8, then 3, or— “Good-bye,” the voice said, with gloomy satisfaction, and hung up.

“Ahhh, sanctify it.”

“What?”

“I’m trying to get this reimbursement through. I had to buy eighty live bats for this work thing, and apparently that kind of order can’t go through the normal process. So I’m on the Hellpline. But this consecrated phone—”

“Didn’t you design the system?”

“Might’ve done.”

“May I?” 

Crowley hit Redial and placed the phone in Aziraphale’s outstretched hand.

Aziraphale listened thoughtfully to the first list of menu options, then tapped the phone. He listened a bit longer, tapped twice more, said, “Mammal, not otherwise specified,” and handed it back. 

A voice crackled in Crowley's ear. “Accounts payable, living creatures from twoscore to nine dozen. How can I hinder you today?”

“One sec,” Crowley said, and moved the phone away. “How’d you do that?”

“It was yours, wasn’t it?” 

“Yeah.”

“I suppose I simply know how to thwart you,” said Aziraphale smugly. “Go on,” he said, nodding at the phone as he got in the car. “We’re late.”

the introduction of each of the ambassadorial aides in babylon 5 is so good. vir starts playing video games on a space gameboy in a diplomatic meeting with two other major galactic powers. it’s lennier’s very first day outside the convent and he’s scared to look at his boss. meanwhile na’toth is smarter and cooler than g’kar from the very first minute. she has been on the job for an hour when g’kar tells her someone’s trying to assassinate him and she’s like wow, sounds like that sucks for you, couldn’t be me though because i would have already killed you. she doesn’t even look up from her palm pilot. then she saves his ass by kicking him really hard in the neck.

Characters I’d love to lock in a room together and observe from a distance (top to bottom, left to right): Nicky Rook from “Death in the Spires”, Kim Secretan from “The Will Darling Adventures”, Daniel da Silva from “Think of England”….and technically also the will darling adventures I guess,, and last but not least - anachronistic grandpa Julius Norreys from “A Society of Gentlemen” In other news: Ive got the KJC brainworms. again.

Reblog to hug prev poster (they need a hug)

not that I have a bias or anything…

Giant Post of Completed Good Omens Human AU’s

Edit: here is Part 2A of Good Omens Human AU’s and Part 2B

I am so excited for this Good Omens Celebration week of Fandom! I have loved all the fan content created for Good Omens. Thank you so much to all the creators out there who bring us so much joy! Here are some of my favorites:

So, to start off, I run a weekly fic and artist rec series that can be found here: 

Dannye’s fic recs   Dannye’s artist recs

ALSO @prolix-principality runs an ongoing series of GO fic recs, so definitely check them out!

And special for this week, a list of some wonderful completed GO Human AU’s: Please feel free to reblog and add your own! 

Series: (not all of these series are complete but the fics in them are finished)

An Album of Our Life series by @satincolt , Rated G (C & A are professors)

Big Plans and Little Additions series by @hope-inthedark , Rated T (Astronomy professor C and bookshop owner A)

Coffee, Wine, and Textbooks-Verse by shaniacbergara, Rated E (C & A are professors)

Corporate romance series by @stubbornjerk (Ao3 stubborn_jerk) Rated T (Lawyer C and security guard A work for rival companies)

Demon and Angel Professors by Ghostinthehouse, Rated T (C & A are professors)

Ineffable Husbands Oneshots series by EmeraldAshes, Rated T (series contains some human AUs. Part 2: C is a client at A’s office; Part 3: C buys a flat haunted by A’s ghost; Parts 6 & 8: C & A are officemates; Part 9: A runs into the Bentley with his car)

Ineffable Teens (Good Omens) series by @sedehaven (Ao3 gypsyweaver) Rated T (C & A - plus Dagon, Gabriel, Michael, and Beelzebub - are high school students with summer jobs at the mall)

Interdepartmental Cooperation series by @bestoftheseekwill (Ao3 Seekwill) Rated E (C & A - and Beelzebub and Gabriel- are professors)

Our touching, our stories ; earthy and holy both by @mortuarybees (Ao3 deadgreeks) (This is a series of nonsequential ficlets in one work; in the earliest part of the stories, C & A are college students) 

Recovering series by @summerofspock Rated E (C & A are doctors)

Soft Comforts Series by @servantofmischief​, Rated G (Artist A draws an anonymous portrait of C in a coffee shop)

So Long We Become the Flowers series by @allonsy-gabriel (Ao3 allonsy_gabriel) Rated G (flower shop owner C and antiques/bookshop owner A) 

Sweet Series by @shay-moonsilk (Ao3: Shay_Moonsilk) Rated E (Lawyer C and cam worker A) 

Tailored Temptations series by CruelBeauty Rated E (Actor C and costume designer A)

The Blind Date AU series by @mygalfriday Rated T (Nightclub owner C and museum worker A)

Their Affections series by @servantofmischief, Rated M (Lord Crowley and Lady Aziraphale in the Regency era)

Til We Loved series by @cardinaldaughter (Ao3: Cardinal_Daughter) Rated E (Victorian age with military officer C and aristocrat A)

Single Fics: 

A bookshop is not a business by @itsevidentvery (Ao3 anactoriatalksback) 5070 words, Rated G (C is a customer at A’s bookshop)

Acts of Service by @bestoftheseekwill (Ao3: Seekwill) 51968 words, Rated E (Mysterious man C - no spoilers!- and vicar A)

A Different Kind of Arrangement by mar_map; 19393 words, Rated G (Flower shop owner C and bookshop owner A)

Against Better Judgement by @weatheredlaw; 6443 words, Rated E (Aristocrat C and bookbinder A)

All’s Fair In Love And Serial Killing by @wyvernquill, 10216 words, Rated M (Detective Inspector C and possible serial killer A in a dark comedy)

An Absence of Stars by @mllekurtz (Ao3 TheKnittingJedi) 56426 words, Rated E (C is an author with a secret and A owns a bookshop)

Angel by @holycatsandrabbits (Dannye Chase) Self-rec! 10841 words, Rated E (Flower shop owner C and nurse A)

Anthophilia by @fortinbrasftw; 49446 words, Rated E (Flower shop owner C and neighboring bookshop owner A)

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