Lilfartbox1 - Ash!! - Tumblr Blog

Good trope: Character yelling, "It's not what it looks like!" while doing exactly what it looks like.

Great trope: Character yelling, "It's not what it looks like!" while doing something so unfathomable that the person who interrupted them can't even begin to attempt to figure out what the hell it is they're seeing.

there are only two genders btw. people who are alive and people who are fucking dead

doctors say it’s terminal😭

hey uuuhh does anyone here like smosh??

YouTube trying to suggest to me all these other videos of random people or AI voices reading Reddit stories, please stop. I only get my reddit stories read to me by Shayne Topp, the way god intended

that is very convincing angela...

🔧is there something on my face?

idk how big the smosh scene is around here but i rlly dont wanna post this anywhere else

u think amanda woke up one day and was like yeah ima serve cunt

this is the best thing I ever made, it’s took so long but it was worth it, shayne’s about to be in the next true crime

FUCKING HOWLING at angela taking a screenshot of amanda from her story and posting it to her story look at these besties clowning on each other true love i would do the same

playing sad country song

and umm amanda as a vanessa lechey

i would’ve colored this but amanda’s shirt would take to long to color..

NOTHING HAS EVER BEEN MORE IMPORTANT TO ME

Won't you sing for me?

i forgot how to draw

🏈Literal Monster

Naughty Teacher, Dirty Cop (Melissa Schemmenti oneshot)

Synopsis: You're a cop and have been sent to Abbott Elementary to bring a certain Sicilian red-head in for questioning. But what Melissa wasn't expecting was the most exciting interrogation of her life...

Melissa x Reader NSFW!! ❤️

You marched through the halls of Abbott Elementary, looking for a suspect in a high profile crime case. The woman in question has connections to some of the most dangerous crime syndicates in Philadelphia and mafia families in Sicily. She is the key to cracking the case wide open so you were sent to her place of work to use your silver tongue and convince her to cooperate. You’d been told she’s quite feisty and were advised to approach with caution, but you're pretty tough so she didn’t scare you.

The school was pretty empty as it was half-term but the teachers still had to come in for meetings and to do some of their own work. As you turned a corner in a deserted corridor you came face to face with the red-haired woman you were searching for. Her eyes went wide as soon as she spotted your uniform, looking you up and down and sizing you up.

“Melissa Schemmenti?” you asked sternly.

Panic and curiosity flashed across her face.

“Yeah? Who's askin'?” she said defensively.

“I'm Officer Y/N Y/L/N. I’m here to ask you some questions regarding a number of serious cases”.

“What serious cases?! Listen, I ain't talkin’ to any cop without my lawyer. I got a bat under my desk and I ain't afraid to use it ya know!” she threatened, squaring up to you.

You remained unphased, simply raising an eyebrow.

“You'd do well not to use that on me Miss Schemmenti, unless you want to get arrested for assaulting an officer”.

Your calm composure unsettled her and she soon backed down.

“I just need to talk to you about some...questionable connections you have” you explain coolly.

She panicked again but soon realised there was no escape. She looked both ways down the corridor making sure you were both alone before replying in a quieter voice, “what connections are you talkin' about exactly?"

“Perhaps we could speak somewhere more privately?”

“Um…sure. This way”.

You followed her down the corridor and she led you to a storage room, looking both ways again before unlocking the door…then pushing you inside with force. As soon as you were both inside she clicked the lock and turned to you. You grinned at each other before you pinned her up against the door and your lips locked in a fiery kiss.

“So…was that convincing enough for you?” you asked between kisses.

"Hell yeah it was! You really had me going there for a while!" she said, impressed by your acting abilities.

You and Melissa have been seeing each other for a few weeks. She never thought in a million years she would fall for a cop, but as soon as you two met at a careers workshop at Abbott it was lust at first sight. Ever since you’ve been unable to keep your hands off each other.

She told you about her fantasy of a sexy cop turning up at the school to take her in for questioning, but she seduces the cop to escape her crimes. You knew you could get into trouble for using your uniform this way but the idea turned you on so much you could not resist playing it out. However you weren’t about to let her seduce you, oh no, you had a plan to make sure she didn’t escape the law this time.

You kissed for several minutes, your tongues battling for dominance.

“I could get into deep shit for this you know” you said breathlessly.

“That’s part of the fun, doll” she said mischievously.

You both giggled as your hands roamed each other’s bodies. You loved the shape of her curves and she loved the feel of your muscles through your shirt.

Melissa somehow escaped your grasp, strutted over to a table and leaned against it. She curled her finger beckoning you, a sly smirk on her lips. As you approached she parted her legs slightly making room for you to step between them.

“Drop the badge” she commanded.

“What?”

She grabbed a fistful of your shirt and yanked you in, "you heard what I said. Drop the badge...and the gun".

You took off your badge and removed your gun from the holster placing them on the table.

"Mmm, I love it when you play dirty cop" she said seductively.

She lifted herself up onto the table. She wrapped her legs around your hips and snaked her arms around your waist, firmly locking you in.

“And I love it when you play naughty teacher” you replied.

She grabbed the brim of your hat and pulled it off your head, tossing it away and running her fingers through your hair.

"And what exactly have I done to deserve this interrogation, officer?"

“Mmm” you take a moment to enjoy her touch before continuing to play her little game, “we've received a number of complaints about some of your…outfit choices”.

“Oh really? Well I’ve never had any complaints before” she said cockily.

“In particular these low cut blouses…” you look down her cleavage, “...and these tight leather trousers” you say as you squeeze her thighs.

"Oh you think these are too tight? Maybe you should search me for contraband then, officer...just to be sure" she suggests.

“Hmm, maybe I should. You got anything to declare Miss Schemmenti?”

She shakes her head, “but maybe I'm hiding something somewhere…".

Melissa ran a finger down your chest slowly then hooked it in your belt-loop, tugging it to pull your body flush to hers.

“Let’s start here then…” you said as you started to unbutton her red blouse.

She bit her lip watching you then chuckled when she noticed you fumbling with a particularly stubborn button, growling in frustration.

"Careful, doll...I might sue you for police brutality if you're too rough with me" she jibed. Eventually the blouse fell open, the sight of her full breasts nestled in her black lace bra made your mouth water.

“No you won't. You like it a little rough” you husked, knowing her well by now.

“You’re damn right I do”.

As you kiss in another passionate frenzy she ran one of her legs up the back of your thigh, feeling the muscle in your leg through your pants. You grind against each other desperately and the friction makes you shudder. You could feel your core throbbing already.

“Shit…” you cursed.

She moaned as you dug your nails into her back, even through the silk material it felt so good.

"God I hope there's no cameras in this room" she said in a low whisper.

She slid her hand up the back of your neck tangling her fingers in your hair again, "someone could see us doing...naughty things".

“Let them watch” you growled.

"Maybe you should search for contraband elsewhere" she murmured against your neck, her breath tickling your pulse-point.

You couldn’t wait any longer, the heat was overwhelming you and you wanted her so damn badly! You unzipped her leather trousers and slid your hand inside.

“Like here?”

Melissa let out a sharp gasp and arched her hips nodding, "y-yes...but you'll need to search...m-more th-thoroughly…to be sure".

“Oh I will” you tell her and slip two fingers inside her needy core while your thumb rests on her clit.

She gripped your back extremely tightly as she moaned out loud, anyone passing by would have heard for sure. She buried her face in your shoulder and started to move against your hand, trying so hard not to make too much noise.

"Oh god! T-that's...ah...very th-thorough of you, officer!"

“You’re being very cooperative, Miss Schemmenti” you praised as you pumped your fingers, “good girl”.

Melissa lets go of your shoulders and reaches for your police duty belt.

"I...I want to be a good girl for you, officer" she says breathlessly, trying to undo the belt with shaky hands. It fell to the floor with a thud but you picked up the pace, distracting her from whatever she was about to do to you. As soon as you did her breathing became erratic and her legs started to tremble.

"Y/N...I'm getting close...don't stop...please don't stop!"

But you ignored her pleas, immediately pulling your hand out and taking a step back from her. She stared at you with confusion, anger and desperation.

“What the hell?!” she shouted.

“Off the table. Now” you said with authority.

“But-!”

“Do it”.

She hopped off the table with annoyance, “so what now then huh?”

You turn her around and push her down onto the table with a little force. You bring her wrists together behind her back and lock her in handcuffs, “you’re under arrest”.

“What?! On what charge?!” she protested.

“Enticing an officer” you whispered, followed by a loud smack to her ass.

Her legs buckled when you delivered the first spank, still holding onto the cuffs.

"That's a crime now?! I had no idea I had such an impact on the law".

You loved (and hated) her cocky attitude, she needed to be taught a lesson in law enforcement.

“Oh it's a very serious crime and you've definitely had an...impact” as you utter that last word you take her by surprise pressing your hidden strap against her ass making her gasp.

"Oh god! I had no idea my impact was...quite that big" she said.

You chuckled, “you have no idea”.

You pulled down her leather trousers and spanked her a few more times, causing her to moan louder each time. She was used to being the dominant one but now she was completely at your mercy, you loved it and (secretly) so did she.

Melissa looked over her shoulder and saw you unbuttoning your shirt, catching a glimpse of your toned body.

“God..how did I get so lucky to be interrogated by the sexiest cop in Philly?” she said.

You couldn’t hold back your laugh and you briefly broke character, “flattery won't work this time Melissa”.

“You sure about that?” she said and cheekily wiggled her ass. You gave her a final spank to remind her who was in charge and the sound of your hand hitting her bare skin was wonderful.

“Ah! Christ! You’re not goin’ easy on me are you?” Melissa exclaimed.

“Give me one reason why I should”.

“Who said I wanted you to?” she said in a sultry tone.

You laughed again, she really did have an answer for everything.

Her ears pricked up at the sound of your zipper, she knew what was coming next and shivered with anticipation.

“Don’t worry, I came prepared” you said.

You took the small bottle of lube out of your pocket and smothered the strap. You checked in with her to see if she was ready because she was right…you weren't about to go easy on her.

You eased the strap in and she let out a strangled moan, her knuckles went white as she clenched her fists in the cuffs.

“Oh…good…god!” she cries.

“Is it too much?” you ask, genuinely concerned.

“Not enough darling…you feel amazing”.

You manoeuvred slowly as she adjusted, but after a few minutes she was begging you for more. You began to thrust your hips harder and faster, making the table beneath you shake. You wished you could feel her walls clenching around you for real, but her delicious moans and arched back were enough to spur you on. You grabbed a fistful of her red hair and wrapped it around your hand in a makeshift ponytail. You pulled her head back so she could scream to the gods.

“Fuck!...Oh!...Jesus!...Ahhh!” she moaned as you kept up your rapid pace, the slapping sounds of skin on skin filled the small room.

“Oh Melissa! You sound so good!”

“Smack my ass officer!”

You didn’t need telling twice…

SMACK!

After a relentless amount of time, plus many pleas for more, you let go of Melissa’s hair and held onto her hips to steady yourself as you edged closer to your climax.

“Oh! Y/N! Please! I’m gonna…gonna…” she choked out.

“So am I! Come with me! You can do it baby!” you told her.

A few seconds later the two of you lost all control and crashed together in a beautiful crescendo of bliss. You slowed yourself right down as you both rode out wave after wave of pleasure. But just as you were about to pull out Melissa stopped you.

“Wait! There’s still some juice in the engine officer…” she said with a grin and you knew exactly what to do.

You pulled out and freed her from the handcuffs then turned her around to face you, she sat on the table again with her legs apart ready for you. You pulled her towards you by her thighs and the strap slipped inside easily. She threw her head back and you seized the opportunity to suck on her pulse point as you continued to fuck her.

“Yes! Yes! Right there!” she yelled as you sucked on a particularly sensitive area and hit that sweet spot inside her.

“Fuck! Fuck! I’m close!”

“Come for me Melissa”.

“I think…I’m gonna…do…more…”

“Really?!” you said with surprise then leaned in to whisper, “fallo, spruzza per me tesoro. (“do it, squirt for me darling”)”.

With a final cry of your name Melissa saw stars as you spurred her on in her native language.

You discarded the strap and held Melissa in your arms, you could feel her body trembling and her staggered breaths were hot on your shoulder. She hugged you lazily as she reeled from the intensity of her orgasms.

“That was incredible” she said between breaths.

“It was! But just take your time baby, I’ve got you” you said as you rubbed her back soothingly.

She nuzzled into you feeling a swell of warmth and affection in her chest. She didn’t ever want to let you go, she wanted to stay in this moment forever.

After hugging each other in contented silence reality kicked in.

“I should let you get back to work” you said.

"Yeah I guess. But I don't want to leave” she replied with puppydog eyes, “I wish I could stay here with you. Just like this, wrapped up in your arms”.

“I know. But we can hardly stay in this storage cupboard forever” you joked.

“You know what I mean” she said laughing and playfully smacking your arm, “it just feels...right”.

“It does”.

You stared at each other for a good few seconds before kissing tenderly. When you broke apart she had a serious look on her face.

"I feel something for you, Y/N. Something more than just attraction. It's like...I don't know how to explain it, but it's like I can't imagine not being with you. I wanna be close to you all the time".

“I feel the same way. I know we've only been seeing each other for a few weeks but I...I…” you choked on the words you wanted to say. Melissa felt her heart flutter and decided to take the next step herself with a mix of nervousness and excitement.

"I know it hasn't been long but I feel it too. This connection, this...something between us. It feels real, deeper than I've felt with anyone else before. I...I think I might be falling for you".

A rush of happiness and relief washed over you at the realisation that she felt the same way, “I was gonna say the same thing. I think I love you”.

Her eyes widened causing you to quickly backtrack.

“You don’t have to say it back. I understand if you’re not there yet. I just wanted to-”

“No I do. I want to say it back. I love you too. I mean it. I feel it in my heart. I love you, Y/N".

Her words went straight to your heart like Cupid’s arrow and you gave her the biggest smile, “oh my god, I can’t believe it!”

She smiled back at you and cupped your face, “neither can I!”

Your foreheads touched as you laughed together, she wrapped her arms around you in a tight embrace as if wanting to meld your bodies together.

“Bet you didn’t think you’d fall for a cop huh?” you joked.

She chuckled, shaking my head slightly at the irony of it all.

"God no! But here I am, completely and utterly in love with one. I gotta be honest after my ex-husband I never thought I could feel this way about someone again, but I do with you" she said softly.

“I’m honoured Miss Schemmenti”.

“That’s Mistress Schemmenti to you from now on”.

You both giggled and kissed with every ounce of your new found love for each other.

@skyyy96 @winterfireblond @v3nusxsky @barbarasstar @gela123 @meowmeowhissss @dashbag-art

beep beep 🎏

I need to bounce on that fucking strap NOWWWW

Paget Valerie Brewster😭. Honestly, same.

I need to know which girl Paget slept with in the 90’s was that bad in bed that Brewster doesn’t identify as queer but posts like this on the daily 😭

Sounds about right

so like... was it casual when you were high at our friend's place and i accidentally got high with you?

Im heeere lmao i expected it to be meds tbh but this seems straight up drug use lol but i did get it right that jj would be the one sent to deal with her haha welcome to the seeeaasoon!

OH MY DARLING HELLOOO!!

I NEVER LAUGHED HARDER in cm history then when jj went .. "um emily why are the walls closing in?" i even made a comment to my dad seconds earlier like "um why does jj keep eating those cheetos?? oh wait she's cheetobreath ok" and i literally NEVER WOUDLVE EXPECTED SHE GETS HIGH TOO

and yes im fucking loving the new season ultimate jemily moment was beautiful and they did it so lovely

extra notes here are that i cant wait for emily to be reinstated because she deserves to serve cunt and her country at the same time tbh she only was a little out of pocket but SHHH

oh and other other notes because im thinking again (uh oh) is that i wanted to say i love the raw emotions of this season it feels a lot more intense and in depth to the team and yeah! let me know what ur thoughts on the new season are!!<3