Canon I Was The Floor

Canon I was the floor

You know what I would find really hilarious?

CONSIDER:

The Avengers meet God of Stories Loki and Mobius. Mobius is very charming, very folksy. He pours everyone coffee. Makes sure the thermostat in the conference room is at a comfortable temperature. Offers croissants. All the markers of a good host.

The Avengers all like him right away but are wary of Loki. After a comedic abridged version of a TVA infodump, in which Loki and Mobius ping-pong little details and show their whole squabble and tease dynamic, one of Kang's underlings is captured.

MOBIUS: Okay. Think I got a read on this guy. You wanna take a swing at him for intel or should I?

LOKI: I think you should. Y'know, trying out the whole 'good guy' bit.

MOBIUS: Sounds good. Gentlemen's competition. Time me?

LOKI: Of course.

And the Avengers watch as this cozy little human goes in and just EVISCERATES the underling. No weapons. No superpowers. Just WORDS.

The underling is on the floor, in a fetal position, sobbing and begging no more. He spills all the critical information they need. Mobius steps out.

The Avengers are in SHOCK.

BUCKY: (mumuring) ... Jesus Christ ...

HAWKEYE: (whispering) Holy shit, he's scarier than Nat.

MOBIUS: (to Loki) How'd I do?

LOKI: 2 minutes and 43 seconds. Not bad.

MOBIUS: Eh, still haven't beat your record.

LOKI: Well, I do have the advantage of magic. Should I take a handicap?

MOBIUS: Don't insult me.

i keep thinking about that one bachelor au post so here's my take on it (i've never watched the bachelor or bachelorette so bear with me)

the bachelor au where steve's the bachelor and eddie is a contestant, but not because he actually wants to be, he's just in it for the paycheck. robin is also a contestant but only because her parents sent in her application without her knowing and she isn't out to them yet.

they both think that steve is overrated and definitely over hyped. typical rich kid with enough money to buy people's love, yada yada.

until they both start going on dates with him and then realize that it isn't exactly true. yes, he's rich, but he's also kind and funny and actually genuine once you get past the mask he puts on for everybody. eventually, eddie and robin find themselves looking forward to their dates.

only robin doesn't want to date him. he's slowly moving his way up the ranks to becoming her best friend, sure, but this is still tv. she's still expected to kiss him and confess her feelings for him. and when the time comes for her to do that, she can't.

they're in venice. steve is leaning in and robin is very aware of the cameras filming them. the back of her neck goes cold and her stomach churns and suddenly she's running in the opposite direction. her italian is passable so she ends up getting a taxi back to the hotel production put them in.

she locks herself in her en suite and presses her forehead against the cold porcelain. she doesn't know how long she sits there until her phone buzzes and she checks the notification. the nausea rises up her throat again. she forgot she gave steve her number.

there's a knock on her room door and another text.

r u ok? can i come in?

robin debates it but figures she owes him and explanation. she lets him in and they sit on the bathroom floor. robin tells him why she's on the show in the first place, about how she didn't know her parents signed her up until she got the phone call from the casting director. tells him that even if she gets kicked off, she can still use the money for her student loans.

she stares at the water in the toilet bowl when she comes out to him.

steve is quiet, processing, before he laughs. he's not laughing at her, he promises, but "robin. you're on a show with more than a handful of other queers, you know that, right? i'm bisexual."

and yeah, robin knew that, but it's different when you're not into the guy you're supposed to be romancing at all.

steve reassures her that it's okay, and that he still hopes they can be friends and keep in touch after the show ends.

robin would like that.

she apologizes to the production crew the next day and they're understanding and steve and robin get a re-do of their date. it's much more genuine this time, filled with laughs and digs as they eat gelato along the river and people watch and gossip.

it's the best robin's ever been on.

eddie, on the other hand. he's absolutely head over heels for steve, which is surprising even for him. he's trailer park trash, he's got absolutely nothing on steve harrington. not the name, not the money.

hell, the very first day, he insulted the guy's food choices right to his face without knowing it.

eddie wants the earth to give way underneath him and swallow him whole.

he plays it up on their first date, all fake niceties and empty smiles, until steve tells him point blank, "the guy that said the buffet was shit that first night? i want to get to know him."

eddie's flabbergasted.

steve opens up about all the fake people in his life, the ones who just take advantage of them and use him for their own gains. the ones who don't even bother to get to know the real him. the one that likes to play guitar and hang out with the gaggle of teenagers that follow him around all the time for some unknown reason.

he tells eddie about what he wants to do with his life, not what someone else has planned for him and eddie falls deeper and deeper.

this time, when steve leans in for a kiss, eddie doesn't shy away. their lips press together and it's the best goddamn kiss either one of them have ever had.

the show has a deadline, of course, and steve can't just spend all his time with eddie and robin. there are other contestants. robin knows her rose is strictly platonic and steve has already called her multiple times freaking out about his growing crush on eddie. she knows eddie has this in the bag.

the final night comes and the contestants have dwindled. there's only a small group of them left: eddie, robin, and another guy and girl they didn't bother learning the names of.

when steve chooses eddie after a moment of dramatic silence that kind of puts his own dm dramatics to shame, eddie doesn't hesitate to jump in steve's arms, wrap his legs around his waist, and plant a sloppy one on him right in front of the cameras.

Pov: You grew up with the swag

GATOR TILLMAN Fargo, 5.03 - The Paradox of Intermediate Transactions

THIS however

"he's breaking gender roles 😍"

The outfits:

No hate to my husband whatsoever but damn it why is this what shows up when my friends look him up to judge my taste

Steddie meme edition cuz why not