Darktober 9

Darktober 9

"September 12, 2019

My name is Victoria Winters.

I don't usually remember any of my dreams. But I can't forget this one."

It was my birthday today! I turned 30. :) It was a very quiet day, but I think that's okay. Having a giant birthday bash would have felt like I was saying goodbye to something. When really, it's a day like any other, the only thing that's changed is the number on my government record, and I'm really very okay with closing the book on my 20s. I'm cool with being "old". "Old" in very heavy air quotes because actually I'm still ridiculously, painfully young. I just magically don't get hit on as often by creepy old dudes. I'd say that's a pretty big plus. My 20s were incredibly tough and weird, but I learned a lot and now I'm excited to start a new decade of my life where I'm still young but maybe slightly less stupid. ON TO 40!

If you’re an adult, do the stuff you couldn’t as a kid.

Like, me and my sister went to a museum, and they had an extra exhibit of butterflies. But it cost £3. So we sighed, walked past, then stopped. We each had £3. We could see the butterflies. And we did it was great. We followed it up with an ice-cream as well because Mum and Dad weren’t there to say no.

I was driving back from a work trip with 2 other people in their early 20s, and we drove past a MacDonalds. One of the others went “Aww man, I’d love a McFlurry.” And the guy driving pulled in to the drive through. It was wild. But it was great.

I went to a park over the weekend and I was thinking “Man, I’d love to hire one of those bikes and cycle round the park.” It took me a few minutes to go “Wait, I can hire one of those bikes!”

I guess what I’m saying is, those impulsive things you wanted to do as a kid - see the dinosaur exhibit, play in the fountains with the other kids, lie in the shade for 2 hours - you can do when you’re an adult. You have to deal with a whole lot of other bull, but at least you can indulge your inner 8 year-old.

Darktober 10

"... I was running. It was dark. So dark. The moon was hidden behind thick clouds. It was cold - SO cold.

I was running through a forest, branches and leaves tearing at my hair and clothes, my feet slipping on rough, rocky earth.

I was running from some...thing? One? I don't know. I was absolutely terrified. I was running for my life.

Suddenly, I was out of the woods. I was running up a hill -

No, a cliff.

Wait. No.

Widow's Hill.

I was on top of Widow's Hill.

I stopped at the edge, looking down at the ocean below, beating mercilessly against the craggy cliffside.

I was trapped.

A voice screamed behind me - a male voice, enraged, desperate, utterly raw. I turned to look -

And slipped.

I could still hear the screaming as I fell, plunging into the ice-cold ocean.

And then I woke up."

YOU CANNOT SELF-FLAGELLATE YOUR WAY INTO EXCELLENCE

So I've been doing a lot of research about Glasgow in the 1890s (hobby story I've been doing that's probably never going to go anywhere and is mostly for getting to know this city better after being isolated for so long, blah blah blah, you get it) and I gotta say: poofy sleeves are amazing fun.

To draw. Not wear. I left behind my poofy sleeve days when I turned 8. I already have massive football player shoulders that would make any strong independent career woman in the 80s jealous, thanks very much.