Lordoblivion99 - Oblivion - Tumblr Blog

woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:

vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)

which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.

luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.

why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.

vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.

then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.

which then require months of further specialized treatment.

the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage

vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.

the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!

it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!

which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s

Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.

today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar

if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!

in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!

(src)

Mass Effect: Loyalty Missions

Shepard: Are we all ready to go guys?

Legion: Geth consensus…beep boop.. please save us.

Kasumi: I need to dress you up, break into a mansion and steal something for me.

Shepard: ….Okay, oddly specific but okay.

Jacob: I have daddy issues.

Tali: Don’t we all?

Shepard: Okay, so Tali, you’re daddy issues too? *scribbles on notepad*

Tali: Oh yeah and can we reclaim my homeworld too?

Shepard: *facepalms, writes it down*

Wrex: Cure my people’s thousand year old disease.

Shepard: that might be hard but okkkayyyy.

Garrus: Help me wipe out three gangs and one lone guy.

Shepard: Do you think he’s even alive in this reaper shit show?

Garrus: Yes.

Shepard: Okay, do you know where he is?

Garrus: Idk, my heart will guide me

Shepard: Ugh! Okay. *writes it down*

Shepard: Ashley?

Ashley: I’m dead.

Shepard: Oh! Oops sorry about that!

Ashley: It’s cool.

Shepard: Liara?

Liara: I need to become the shadow broker!

Shepard: Liara, do you NEED to become the shadow broker or do you just WANT to become the shadow broker?

Liara: NEED!

Shepard: Okay, fine.

Mordin: Help me find my student? Also seashells?

Vega: Help me think of a sweet N7 tattoo design?

Shepard: FINALLY! NOW THAT SOUNDS MANAGEABLE! Who’s next?

Grunt: I just hit puberty.

Shepard:……………………….oookkkkaaayyy not sure I can help with that.

Miranda: Help me hide my kidnapped sister?

Shepard: Wait ……What?!

Joker: Get rid of this ship cancer.

*EDI walks in a game later with her sexy robot body*

Joker: Nevermind. I’m good!

Thane: Help me stop my son from making the mistakes I did.

Shepard: Thane, teens are teens, they gotta make there own mistakes.

Thane: At his age I became an assassin.

Shepard: *writing rapidly* Oh, yep, nope, might wanna stop that.

Samara: Help me kill my daughters?

Shepard: WHAT? OMG THIS IS TOO MUCH! I SWEAR if one more person asks me to do something I will light the citadel on FIRE!

*Kaidan walks in*

Shepard: AND WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?! END WORLD HUNGER?

Kaidan: *In small scared voice.* I made you cookies shaped like hearts.

Shepard: *hugs him* THANK YOU GOD!

has this been done before idk but if it hasn’t that’s a travesty

And after Shepard and Grunt leave, there’s a phone call that goes:

“Kahlee, how do you feel about grandkids”

“Fuck’s sake, David–”

Reblog this if you support sex-averse and sex-repulsed aces, including:

Aces who never want to have sex

Aces who had sex in the past but don't desire it anymore

Aces with sexual trauma who feel like their trauma ties into their asexuality

Aces with sexual trauma who don't feel like their trauma caused their asexuality

Aces who don't want to talk to you about sex

Aces who don't want to hear about sex

Yes even aces who do not want to engage with any sexual content and don't want it in their own personal spaces

Yes even aces who express the desire to have more spaces for queer adults where their boundaries are met (on top of the queer spaces that exist, we do not want to sanitize your existing spaces ffs)

If you cannot be normal about these people existing, if you believe they're a threat to our community and to how we're viewed by people who aren't aspec and the rest of the LGBTQ+ community, you are not an asexual ally. Yes, even if you're aspec yourself. Especially if you're aspec yourself.

Because it's been pride month for 4 days and I'm already seeing people trying to throw us under the bus or pretend we don't exist because that makes the ace community more palatable to exclusionists and people who swallowed too much "aces are puritans" propaganda.

happy pride month to one of my favorite straight guys. like top ten at least

Being top ten straight guy to the gays:

DOCTOR WHO | 6.04 ✧ The Doctor’s Wife

Mad Magazine

I worked very hard on this

i still think about them

Parallels.

I really like this theory where Kinger knows the warning signs of his companions getting near abstractions, I think it’s pretty accurate..

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Credits -

TADC belongs to - @gooseworx

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everytime i see kinger x queenie angst i sob so... it's my turn to make yall cry

Their first met.

I made this Queenie and Kinger comic at 3 am and I don’t know I just thought it was rlly funny at the time

how to 'dominate' your opponent

A thank you to @gloostix for the third of a few commissions I put in for Connecticut Clark/Malfina x Kinger/Queener (or Queenie, the community seems unsure)

Reference Comic:

A thank you to @nonameme11 for the sixth and ACTUAL final commission I put in for Connecticut Clark/Malfina x Kinger/Queener (or Queenie, the community seems unsure)

They have been very generous with their payment schedule with this, and I can't thank them enough for putting a real ending to this wonderful set. Their art is amazing and my heart is full of love to them and every artist that helped make this commission group possible.

Reference Comic:

A thank you to @hootbon for the fourth of a few commissions I put in for Connecticut Clark/Malfina x Kinger/Queener (or Queenie, the community seems unsure)

Reference Comic:

I'm sorry-