What Its Like To Be A Fanfiction Author

What it’s like to be a fanfiction Author

WHEN YOUR STORY GETS A LITTLE BIT OF ATTENTION:

WHEN YOU GET A LOT OF NOTES:

WHEN SOMEONE SENDS YOU SWEET ASKS:

WHEN YOU GET NO NOTES:

WHEN A STORY THAT PEOPLE USE TO LIKE NO LONGER GETS ANY ATTENTION:

WHEN YOU CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL JEALOUS OF SUPER POPULAR WRITERS:

WHEN YOU DO ALL YOUR WRITING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT:

PS.

I really hate tumblr.  

Start of Something New PT1

Bucky X Reader

Warnings: self depreciation, slight angst and fluff

A/N: So this series is very personal to me most of what is written are thoughts I have had toward myself and or said to me. That being said it doesn't happen often, I am content with my life it just gets a little overwhelming sometime. Also side notes Cats Rule ergo reader has cats. You can pretend it's a dog if you so choose.

There must be some sort of signal that goes up when your feeling down. A big old spotlight, shouting take a shot while it can, cause heaven knows, you would take each one and let it drag you down.

It started with ahard day at work. For the life of you, you couldn't get into the usual groove at work. You will admit you were beating yourself up over, missing all 6 alarms you set for your self. That glare you got from your boss as you practically sprinted in the doors.

Maybe it was the breakfast rush that included a new batch of agents and interns. It seemed to surprise them when a bigger, curvy woman standing behind the counter, in charge of the grill. The uniform however form fitting was not the most flattering bit most days you could strut in and own your station.

It's the looks though, that got to you. The initial reaction of "oh you're serving me, really". The exaggerated comments of LITE Mayo, like you had no clue what the difference was. Yes, It was though strange to see such a big person in a compound full of actively fit people. You had to admit that pretty much everyone here could kill with a spoon or piece of floss to say the least. You were definitely not one of them though.

By mid afternoon not even your usual lunch regulars could cheer you up, try as they might. It was like every once of joy that usually rested clearly on your face was wiped out. Even a fake smile seemed hard to put up.

The usual evening crew shuffled in. You had already started a few orders fixing them up just right. The lack of conversation concerned most people, but the easy lie of "lack of sleep" slipped seamlessly from your lips. If it wasn't for the dark cloud swirling above your head, you would have noticed that the lie didn't really work on them.

You were ready for the day to finally be over, the clock of the grill shutting off before beginning your nightly routine. As you were the last in the place, you switched your music on, hoping an upbeat song would fix your day.

The tunes flowed through you as you scraped off the day's grime from the grill. You didn't hear your guests until they taped on the glass of your counter.

"Hey pretty lady, what's cookin, good lookin?"

You couldn't help the smile that emerged on your face. It was like the whole day dissolved into a fading nightmare. You spin around to find your gang all hanging off your counter.

"I don't know if you can handle what I'm cookin darlin."

You saunter over to the man, from the looks of them they just got back from a mission. Still in their suits, except for the charming man in the middle who you knew could will it away with a simple thought.

"Psshh, I can handle every inch you had to throw at me."

If it was possible your smile got even wider. Swinging your head you sweep your gaze over the others. "So, what can I get my fine band of miscreants."

"Woah, I'll have you know, we are Earth's mightiest hero's!!"

"Really, Arrows?? Did you find that on a sticker and go with it?"

"Ha, no. It happened to be a ribbon. A blue ribbon." He scoffed slightly at you nothing but teasing.

You shoot your hands up in mock surrender. "Well, excuse me that's mighty official then. Can't fight with the blue ribbon now can we?"

The others joined in the group chuckle. "Alright go get changed. I'll fix something up and call you when it's ready."

They all shuffled away to various floors, each putting as much hustle into returning quickly. There was only one still standing in front of you. You merely quicker an eyebrow at him.

"You know, you don't have to do this. We keep you late for no real reason. I mean there are store hours for a reason."

"Spangles, would you drop the puppy eyes and the smouldering, if I told you this is and will always be the best part of my day?"

You could see the slight furrow in his brow, taking a moment to pick your sentence apart. He opened his mouth to reply but was met with your hand.

"No, don't go analysing my words, I'm not going to talk about it and I am fine. Go get changed so I can work."

You shoo him out not letting him say a word more. You turn back to the grill and begin your concoction. Lucky for you you don't have to deal with any allergies or picky eaters. The gang had quickly realized though they may not like a certain food, you managed to put some sort of spell on it making it taste the most delicious.

Caught once again in the recesses of your mind, the gang came in situating themselves at their usual table. They watch as you thoughtlessly flip food but then stare into the distance like it held some answer to you. They even catch your hand coming up to your face, to most it would appear that you are wiping sweat but in this case it was a single stubborn tear that had escaped.

You cranked your music again this time switching to slower and slightly sad songs. Sometimes the cure was to fight sad with sad. Others' problems made yours seem so insignificant making your day better. What ever funk you were in though wasn't being shaken this time. If anything your cloud was getting bigger, not even the sizzle of the grill and aromas drifting from the oven dulled in the fog. You were forced to fall back on a past recipe.

They all jerked forward only to be waved off, a lone solider stood and approached. He went behind the counter slowly moving so as not to startle you.

You had been berating yourself for awhile, thinking over every meal you shouldn't have eaten, every chance you had to say no to one more serving but insisted you have more. It was no wonder everyone gave you looks and doubted your judgement. You couldn't even get your own life in line.

You feel the tear spill over, you wipe furiously at the stubborn thing. In a vain attempt to calm yourself down, a hand is placed on your waist. You jerk half in surprise, the other on instinct knowing that there were rolls and flab to be felt under the thin t-shirt you wore.

"Geez Bucky, give a girl a little warning. Not all of us are super spies here."

He snorted, "You can say that again." You flinched, bad move, no way you could ever be mistaken for a spy. "Everything alright, doll? You seem distracted."

He was attempting to catch your flitting gaze. You couldn't look at him knowing he would see the storm raging behind your eyes. Having none of this, he gently locks his hand under your jaw drawing it upwards so your eye meet his.

You attempt to jerk your head away, "Its nothing Buck, I'm just tired, late for work and you know how much I hate being late."

"Hey, we both know that may be part of it but not all of it. Now I'm going to let it slide for now. Mostly cause I'm hungry and I don't want dinner to burn. That evening said we will have a discussion about this later. Understood?"

You nod, but know you were never going to let that happen. He let go, grabbing a plate from the counter. You loaded everything up and brought it to the table.

"Alright! Dig in everyone."

They practically launched themselves towards the food. You couldn't help but chuckle at them. Turning you head back to start cleaning up again.

It was close to midnight when you finished with the last bag of garbage. The grill shone like it was fresh from the factory. You wipe your forehead, leaning back to see the finished project.

Satisfied with your work you turn back to you bunch. Finding them all leaning back in their chairs, each sporting a content smile on their faces. You make your way over, snorting when you see all the plate have been practically licked clean.

"Well, I would ask if you liked it, but clearly you guys did."

Thor raised his hand in a feeble manner before letting it drop. "You can not be a mere human. No one such as you most have fallen from Asgard. You, my friend, are a goddess of food."

You can't help the blush that creeps up your face. "Hey, I get by. Now as much as I enjoy having you here, I need to go home and get some sleep. Back here way sooner than I would like."

"Or you could stay here?!" Tony getting rather eager at the idea.

"I wish I could but I have parent responsibilities." You knew they would misunderstand. Except Bucky, you had already shown your plethora of photos of your two cats. "My boys need me home."

"Wait, you have kids, since when?" Tony looked shocked at not knowing something about someone.

"Yep, 2 boys, 7 and 3."

"Why haven't we met and how come I never knew?" He was seriously freaking out now. It was like he was mentally incapable of not knowing something about someone.

You were doing well hiding the laughter, though a few, Natasha and Wanda, were catching on to it. Steve though looked very confused.

"Wait!" Steve jumped up pointing at you. You have worked here for close to 4 years. If your youngest is 3 we would have known. You couldn't have hid that. You would have gone on maternity leave." His eyes were bugging out of his head.

You lost it, laughter taking you completely. Hunched over grabbing your stomach. "You should have seen your faces. Priceless." You were wheezing, your sides now in stitches.

"What she means to say is that she has 2 cats at home that are more than likely demanding to be fed." Bucky steps into assist you as words continue to fail you. "Still I can't believe you all fell for that."

You finally straighten and pull you phone out pulling up a pic of the two.

"These are my boys. Private Pepper in Orange and Skipper is the fluffy one."

"Doll, I think you mean fat." Bucky butts in.

"No fluff, he is nothing but Fluff." You demand shooting him a glare.

"Hey," he raises his hands in surrender. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Really pets? You can't stay cause of pets." Tony scoffs slightly.

"Hey don't hate until you try it." You snap back.

"Fine, I conceded to you for now."

The group rises and begins to exit the place. Bucky looks over at you, knowing he should be talking to you about earlier. He locks eyes clearly telling you that this wasn't over yet. You merely stick your tongue out at him. Finally they are out and you follow behind, closing the doors behind you. You hitch your bag over your shoulder. Heading to your car Bucky follows in a casual manner.

"So you going to tell me what happened today?"

"I did I was late. Not enough sleep."

"Yeah I get that now the whole story."

"Why can't you just drop it? Bad days happen this is mine I'll get over it." You turn towards him practically begging him to let it go. You cant help but notice his every movement. The way the muscles under his shirt shift as he crosses his arms in defiance. The way his eyes harden to a steely blue with determination.

"Because I care for you, your my friend. These so called bad days have been too many, too often."

You huff, he wasn't going to let you leave until you spoke to him. "Fine." You hang your head in defeat. "I'm.." You weren't sure how to phrase it without revealing too much. "I'm just not satisfied with my life right now. I should be doing more. Being more than I am right now. It's frustrating. I've been caught up in what to do next with my life."

You couldn't help but applaud yourself for that explanation. It was perfect and from the looks of it Bucky bought the whole thing. Really how were you supposed to tell one of the most gorgeous men that you had no future, that every thing you touched became disgusting. That you were waiting for the day everyone realized that there was a better friend and cook out there, throwing you to the side. It happened before it would happen again. You were merely hanging on to the remaining shreds and hoping they would carry you when it all came crumbling down.

"Was that so hard?" Bucky drew you back in.

"Yes, yes it was I think I lost a few years because of this experience." You step around him opening your door. He leaned around holding it open for you, ever the 40s man. When you get in, you turn the car on rolling down the windows. He shuts the door, leaning against the roof so he could see you properly.

"Ah, you survived and maybe learned you can tell people things. Now get home safe and text me that you made it in." He stood up taking a step back.

"Ha, one I never remember to text people. Two I don't have your number."

"Ha back, one just do it, two yes you do I put it on while you weren't looking. I put it under 40s Dream Boat."

"Oh, I like that. Fine if I remember I'll text you." You put the car in reverse but paused as he leaned back towards you. For a moment you let your self believe he was leaning in for a kiss. Except he stopped and patted the roof.

Blinking you pull out, and drive away. When would you get it through your thick skull that men like him, would never want a woman like you.

@justreadingfics @veronicalei @iamwarrenspeace @melconnor2007 @magpiemischief

Am I Enough PT 19

AIE 19

Bucky X Reader

Warnings: Adventure Time, there is only implied smut and some really cheesy writing.

A/N: Here we go again its time for some fluff and good times.

You should have known just leaving on a trip would be a pain to manage when you were friends with the Avengers. Especially when Tony is involved, he seemed determined to place you in the finest hotels and of course pay for everything. You quickly put a stop to that. You would work for the trip. You would allow him to do some places but you would allow him a couple to make him feel better about it.  If that wasn’t enough there were the opinions of everyone on the team. All the comments of where to go when, where to stay away from, what season was best to visit certain places.

It seemed Steve and Natasha were the most worried about you being able to protect yourself, so you began your lessons in self-defense. They had wanted you to do it for a while but this seemed as good an excuse as any to finally get you started.

Every day they dragged you out of bed at an ungodly hour. Every day they taught you a new hold a new throw. You were getting rather tired of the whole thing, so you decided to tour the great nearby countries and the States.

So off to Canada you went, exploring both the cities and the wilderness, for some reason it seemed that Steve was “free” during your trip so he tagged along. It was mostly because he had never been and wanted to see what they had to offer. It was great, so different from your everyday life in the big city. Steve was a blast to hang out with. He was all for the hiking and sleeping under the stars.

This made your decision all the more final about traveling. It gave you a sense of peace and meaning. You wanted to see more and do more. When you got back, to the tower you continued to work, but your plan involved once a month going on vacation for a week, at least until the Autumn when you could afford to go to Europe. So you had approximately 5 months to fill in.

Next, you went to the Caribbean, you soaked in the sun and rays, you drank on the beaches and learned to dance from the fabulous men that inhabited the island.

There were a few days that you would always cherish. This particular trip Wanda and Pepper had joined you. You had been sipping a cocktail, laughing and talking with your ladies when a man caught your eye, leaning against the bar chatting with some friends. His hair was dark and slicked back, his jaw was sharp and his eyes were an emerald green. As if sensing your eyes his flicked up to meet yours. A blush runs across your cheeks and you glance down at your drink.

This doesn’t go unnoticed by your companions. “Hey, seems you caught some heart eyes there.” Wanda teased.

“So you going to go over and say hi. He is rather handsome.” Pepper encourages.

“I can’t. I mean I just… I mean come on really.” You can’t help the stutter.

“We are not saying you sleep with him, go have some fun. That is what vacation is all about. Go dance.” They look up to find him coming toward you. “Well never mind here he comes and yes you are going to dance with him. It will be fun.”

You feel a tap on your shoulder, right before you feel his breath on the skin of your neck. “Pardon me,” His voice is like honey and sends a shiver down your spine. “Might I steal you for a dance or two?”

You couldn’t even use your voice if you wanted to, instead, you merely nod and he sweeps you into his arms. As if fate was smiling on you “Havana” came on. it was like you were swept into the music video. He swung you around the floor making you dizzy with excitement. The lights flooded together creating one big blur. Every once in a while you could see the smug smiles of Pepper or Wanda. He leaned into more as the song went on, molding his body with yours. By the end you were breathless, staring up into the eyes of the man that had captured your attention.

When the song ended he kept hold of your hand and gently led you to a table on the terrace. His name was Damien, turned out he was down here, from Washington State, for a wedding that weekend and the group he left was the bachelor party. When you showed a face he assured you he wasn’t the groom-to-be, pointing out a guy wearing a fake mustache and looked absolutely plastered. The group saw you watching and proceeded to throw thumbs up at Damien, showing their approval.

You both blushed at this. “And that will be the only time you meet them.” You chuckle. “So what brings a woman like you down here besides the warm beaches and the wonderful charming men.”

It seemed the alcohol was making you more loose with your tongue. “Smooth sir, very smooth. Well, this year I decided I needed to live more, so I am traveling and working. Once a month I take a week off and take off to parts unknown to me.”

“Wow, that is rather cool. What brought out the adventurer in you?” He leans in closer as if genuinely interested.

“To be honest and not be a downer. It was a guy actually, we broke up and we still work together, let's just say things got rather intense, more like people meddling and trying to help too much. Decided to get away and do something I have never really been able to do.” You sneak your eyes up to meet Damien’s. “Sorry, that was just me spilling out crap.”

“Hey no need to apologize, sometimes you need to get the junk out before you can start exploring other things. I happen to know something about that. But enough about that tell me your interests maybe we have something in common, past the bad relationships.”

You spend the next couple hours rotating between dancing and talking. Once the noise got too much you both slipped away with a quick nod to Wanda. You spent the next hours walking down the beach and taking in the scenery. He dragged you into the sea at one point and you splashed in the moonlight. A moment of pause came when you were both breathless and caught each other, staring down into your wet face and messy hair, your breath catches in your throat as he slowly tips his head down to yours. He captures your lips in a searing kiss. You lose the sense of time and place, the waves gently lapping against your legs.

Separating he leads you out of the water and back towards the hotel, the whole way gripping your hand. He keeps looking back at you as if to make sure you were still there. He pulled you close to kiss you never want to go too long before tasting you once again.

Together you walk up to the terrace. Damien seems to get nervous as he turns towards you. “Would you like to come up to my room?” You hesitate. Was this too quick? Too soon? “You don’t have to say yes I won’t pressure you or anything.” He rubs your shoulders.

It seemed all the encouragement you needed. “Yes, I want to. I just had a moment, but with you I’m good. I want to.” With that, he led you upstairs and into his arms once again.

The next few days were filled with Damien. You woke up in his arms for the rest of your vacation. He took you out you explored the island and spent your nights dancing in more than one way. You lounged on the beach as he rubbed sun lotion on your skin and chatted with Wanda and Pepper.

When it came time to say goodbye it was brief and sweet, you were leaving before him. You exchanged number with a promise that when you made your way to Washington you would get in touch, he would show you the sights. He kissed your cheek before turning away whistling.

When you were onboard the jet the girls started there not so subtle digging. “So he was handsome, seems like a genuinely good guy.”

You should be used to it but you weren’t, a blush places itself on your cheeks. “He was fabulous, I enjoyed our time together. I haven’t done something like that in ages.”

“This was a big thing for you finally moving on from Bucky or what? So you going to contact him?” Pepper inquires.

“You know I don’t honestly know. We both agreed it was a nice vacation fling but that nothing may come from it.” You were genuinely confused on what you should do. You had no answer for her, were you moving on from Bucky? Was this the start of something else? This was the first real time this had happened to you. The whole situation was kind of a thrill, one that satisfied cravings but you didn’t feel the need to put all your emotion into.

“Hey you do you, I think you should get in touch with him when you head that way. Keep him in your back pocket just in case.”

You laugh at that. “Thanks, Wanda, I might just do that.” Relaxing into the seat you contemplate your situation and the future and what it may bring. More like who it may bring and how you would handle it next time.

All in all your future looks bright and exciting and if this part was any indication it was going to be fun and full of once in a lifetime experiences.

You were now on your way to the east coast, your copilot was Sam this time. You were headed for a drive, having landed in Florida you rented a convertible to drive all the way back up to New York. Getting in the car you put your sunglasses on and lower the top. You take first shift and begin driving north. Not making it far, you spy a fairly quiet beach with a fantastic view. The next few hours are spent laughing and swimming on the beach. You eat lunch at a bar that opens up to a marina, you start feeding the pelicans bits of bread and laugh when Sam says they were giving him the evil eye.

On the road again you continue to travel until you see signs for Disney World. Turning to same you pull a very serious look. “Would you be my Prince Charming?”

“Of course, my princess, my every breath is for you.” He poses one hand outstretched toward you, bowing in his seat. You place your hand in his and he kisses your knuckles.

“Perfect now lets away.”

As you walk through the gates and spy Cinderella’s Castle you feel like a 6-year-old. You squeal grabbing Sam’s hand rushing to get closer and take it all in. Wrapping your arm around Sam you quickly pull him in for a picture.

From that moment you were always moving always trying to get to something new. Trying to find the Hidden Mickeys, you began spouting out all your little random Disney facts. You had to appreciate Sam being with you, he could be just as much of a kid as you, going on all the rides, taking pictures with the characters, and eating all the sweets you could find. By the time the parade and fireworks were happening you both were entering a sugar crash and totally exhausted. Collecting your last bit of souvenirs you head out looking for a nice hotel to stay in for the night. You shower and put a Disney movie on to help you sleep.

The next morning after a nice continental breakfast you head out. There was much to see and only so much time. The rest of the week past in much the same way. You would see something and pull over spending time and move on. There was a ton of seafood eaten. Lots of little knick-knacks for everyone. It seemed you couldn’t stop at one place without finding something that was perfect for someone on the team.

By the time you made it back to New York, your trunk was full and your friendship with Sam was completely solidified. You would happily die for the man. Learning a lot more about his past, his family, even future hopes, and dreams. He told you about the nice girl in the armory.

You pulled into the parking lot of the tower, looking up the side and you just couldn’t wait for your next adventure.

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Am I Enough PT 18

Bucky X Reader

Warnings: fluff angst, usual things

A/N: Well here we are things are happening. Don’t want to give too much away. As always thanks for reading. This is to CELEBRATE 400 followers, just know I appreciate you all and all the support.

Operation Glue started with sending Bucky and Nat on two different missions, to give you both time and space. While the group had taken a moment to hear them out and let them explain they were still rather angry with them. It really didn’t matter that Sam was there as insurance because it hadn’t worked. They were both instructed not to make any sort of contact with you and to let them handle it.

You had awoken to a fuzzy head and itchy eyes, as you rubbed the memories of the previous night came back. Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes and you quickly scrubbed at them refusing to cry over him. Enough was enough, he had made his choice. As you glance around the room you find yourself in Tony’s room and upon the side table is a note.

    Time to get showered and dress, we have a full day ahead of us. Pack for a warm week and bring a swimsuit.

    Love your favorite,

    Tony

You chuckle, he was always trying to look out for you. You guessed he had plans to take you on some sort of vacation and for once you couldn’t find it in you to argue. You quickly head down to your room. Once packed and ready you head to the main room.

To your pleasant surprise, neither of the two heathens are there. Scouring the fridge you grab some fruit and yogurt. Sitting down you see Sam coming in rolling a suitcase, a smile breaks upon your face. You get to hang with your best friend and for some reason that warms your heart to no extent.

“Hey.” You call as he comes sits down next to you.

“Hey, sweet cheeks how are you feeling?” He leans over and pulls you into a sidewards hug.

“I’m alright Sam just a little heartbroken but I’ll be ok I think this trip will help, some time away will do me some good.” You squeeze him back before going back to your meal.

“For what it’s worth, I was with them when they had their talk yesterday, they wanted to make sure you didn’t get the wrong idea.” You chuckle bitterly. “Yeah, it didn’t really help. So we sent them on separate missions with express instructions not to talk to you. You know we would never allow them to hurt you like that again.” You nod silently not sure how to take this new piece of information. “Well we get to forget about them for a little while, we are going sightseeing.”

Tony finally emerges, “There is my beloved flower. Are you ready to get this adventure underway?”

“Yes, I am. To what exotic place are you taking me?”

“Well, I figured I would show you off so how does Spain sound to you?”

Squealing you pull him into a tight hug. “I have never been but always wanted to go. What are we waiting for?” You race back to your seat and grab your bags and quickly head to the elevator. Leaving the two men laughing at you.

It turns out you were waiting on Wanda, but she quickly caught up to you on the jet, making herself comfortable in the seat next to you. For the entire trip, you looked up different things to do and made a list of all the things you would love to do while there. You will admit a lot of it was just eating, drinking and just relaxing.

The next few days pass in a flurry of activity and you can say you have never been happier. The weather had stayed sunny and warm nothing too hot just perfect. Sam and Wanda dragged you to all the popular spots, while Tony fed you from the finest restaurants and food stand. Of course, everything was paid for by him, every day he handed you a new wad of cash even if you hadn’t run through the previous day's allowance. Spoiled was what it was though at the back of your mind you knew it was merely them taking your mind off present situations.

They did a good job, at least until the night crept in and you were alone in your room, then came the memories, the worries, and the pain. This particular night it seemed to weigh heavy on your mind, with the others soundly sleeping you snuck out to the living room of Tony’s apartment. Grabbing a glass of water you settle on the lounge chair facing out onto the ocean. The light of the moon reflected off the waves and with the window slightly cracked the faint ocean sound seeped into the hearing. A sense of calm overcame you, provoking thought and questions to your predicament. The big question was what would happen now, you could leave but it just felt like you were running away from your problems.

Your vacation soon came to an end and you found yourself a little melancholy about it. This had been a great experience and you wished it would last a little longer. You knew you would eventually have to face the music but that didn’t mean you wanted to leave such a great place.

With your bags packed and you all loaded into the jet, you took off into the sky. You let out a sigh, relaxing into the chair. Turning to Tony, you take him in. He was a well-traveled man, a person that had literally seen the world.

“Hey Tony,” he grunted informing you that he was listening but never taking his eyes off his screen. “What has been your favorite place to travel to?”

He lifts his head, staring off, “Hmm I would say Dubai was pretty amazing, lots of things to see and take in. Though Hong Kong is up there as well, the industrial aspect to be able to make so much, have them replicate to a certain extent and then produce a cheaper version, it is quite astounding ….” He goes on mostly naming places where sciency things went on, you look out the window waiting for him to finish.

When he does you turn to Wanda, “What about you? I’m sure that you have been quite a few places.”

“Hmm, most of the time I am on missions and the like so I really don’t get the opportunity to take in the sites, though I will say I am more of a nature kind of person, being able to see the beauty that each country has to provide away from the busy cities. That's probably why I would pick Wakanda as one of my favorites, the blend of nature and city always astounded me. Of course, I would also say Sokovia was gorgeous as well, the mountain air and views would take anyone's breath away.” You could tell she got lost in the moment, her eyes focusing on distant memories, slight tears from the loss of those times.

“Hey what about me don’t you want to know where I have been?” You chuckle at his whiny tone as if he hadn’t been next on your list. You nod, asking him to continue. “I think my favorite place was the good US of A. There is just something so amazing about seeing the country you live in and how many different and diverse places there are. I think the best way to see it though is by car, preferably a convertible for the summer time. The country seems to come alive during that time, though the other seasons can be fun as well. I think one of my favorite places was a Renaissance fair in Wisconsin. Taking in the good old days. Now that is good traveling.”

You smile for some reason you were expecting Sam to say the US. He had that homebound feel to him and you found your thoughts drifting to the idea of traveling. The rest of the trip they swapped their favorite places and stories drawing you into a world you had only heard in passing and seen through pictures on Instagram. By the time you reached home, your mind was swimming with thoughts and ideas.

When you landed the group was there to greet you, upon seeing Nat and Bucky you gave them tight lip smiles. Nodding but saying nothing, shuffling the group into the elevators and into the family area you began another game night. Despite the way you left you pushed away from the impulse to lock yourself into your room away from the sad and prying eyes of Bucky you know you would have to face him eventually but for now, you wanted to spend time with your family.

The night wore on and eventually, a yawn escaped, signaling the end of the night. As you said your goodnights, you felt your mind go back to your earlier thoughts. When your door closed you moved your computer to your bed, searching and filling your mind with far-off places as you drifted into sleep.

It was only a couple days after your return that you finally came to some decisions about your life and what you wanted to do. When the team dinner came around you patiently waited until the end to finally disclose your plans.

“Everyone, I have an announcement.” You wait until every eye was on you to continue. “I am leaving,” The group quickly voiced their opinions, some jumping up to try to reason with you. You held your hand up to gain silence once more. “I am not leaving for good but I want to travel and see the world, the farthest I’ve gone so far is to the Midwest and I ended up working most of the time I was there. Going to Spain was the best experience of my life so far and I want to see more of it.” You look around at the room gauging their reactions and from what you could see it was pretty good but you could see the hesitation on their faces.

Upon hearing you finish your announcement Bucky quickly stood up a panicked look on his face. “(Y/N) may I speak to you please? In private.” He turned away without even looking to see if you followed. He went out to the patio. You joined him only to find him pacing back and forth. You knew this would come but you had wanted it to be on your terms and when you wanted. Seeing him though, all tense and his fist clenching, as he berated himself under his breath you pushed back the fear you felt creeping up on you as you walked out here.

“Please tell me you aren’t leaving because of me? Please don’t leave because I screwed up.” He shouted once he finally stopped moving.

“No, I’m not," You take a deep breath trying to gain more strength to say what needed to be said. "the truth is, I’m doing it for me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where my life is headed anymore, I feel like I’ve been stuck in the random place with no goals and no real future planned out. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I love you guys but I… I just don’t know about a lot of things. I don’t know if I can forgive you or Nat for what you have done. I understand it was a misunderstanding and it wasn’t what I thought it was. But it was like reliving all the pain again. That moment even if it was just a hug and Sam was there. The only thing I kept thinking about was you were going to keep picking her that I was never going to be enough for you. That no matter what I did you were always going to pick her over me.” Bucky goes to interupt lifting his hands up in an attempt to make you understand. You quickly shake your head at him. “I know Bucky, I know what you mean, but this isn’t something that will just go away. You may not have meant to hurt me but you still made me feel hurt and betrayed.” His hands dropped, shoulders slumped and eyes dejected and sullen. He was finally accepting that he there was a very good chance he was going to lose you forever and there was nothing he was going to be able to do about it.

Finally, he took a deep breath in raising his eyes to meet yours. “For what it's worth I’m sorry. I really was just trying to fix things. But your right I can’t help how you felt and I am eternally sorry that I could ever make you feel that way. I just need you to tell me what to do to make it alright. Please.” He begged, pleading to once again give him another shot. “I know I made a mistake and I promise, I swear, I won’t ever do it again.

I understand that might not mean a lot, heck its an empty promise, but I will prove it to you. As long and as much as you need me too. He picks up your hands holding them gently in his grip, desperate to show you he was serious about this. “I’m willing to wait, because you are worth that and so much more, even if it takes a lifetime. Even if….” his voice cracks with what he is about to say. “Even if you choose someone else, even if it’s Sam. I want, no, I need you to be happy. To get everything you deserve and want, even if that is not me. I am hoping in time though you will also forgive me as well. Please just give me a chance to prove it to you. His eyes were filled with tears and his lips were pressed into a thin line waiting for your decision.

He searches your face, looking for any reaction. Any sign that you were willing. He finds your eyes filled with tears and a slight hitch in your breath. You drop your head into your hands you let out a sob.

“Please… please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He goes to pull you into him but freezes his motion doubting if this was what you wanted. He was the reason you were so upset, from what he has seen it should be Sam that is comforting you not him.

He turns, going to grab Sam hoping that he can make you all better. Looking up to see him leaving, you reach out a hand almost on instinct, pulling him back with a strength that neither of you knew you possessed. You pull him into a crushing hug. You weren’t about to let him go without finishing your talk. You lean your head onto his chest, letting the sobs and pain wrack your body, letting yourself once again grieve over everything you had and everything you had lost. Embracing that you didn’t quite know what the future held for you but knowing you had to face it and you had to think about yourself at this moment. Pulling you in tighter he rocks you back and forth, rubbing his hand up and down your back, doing his best to soothe you.

When your cries finally fade into the occasional sniffle and hiccup you look up at the man holding you. Running your eyes across his face, looking for some sort of sign that what you were about to do was the right thing. You take one more shuddering breath before stepping back from his arms.

“I don’t know if I can forgive you right now.” You see his shoulders slump, but as he takes a breath in he straightens once again. “That's not to say that I won’t ever forgive you. We have been through too much though, in such a short amount of time, I haven’t truly been able to sort through my feelings.” You take a tentative step closer to him, placing your hand on his arm. “I do know that I do love you, don’t think I have ever stopped, that being said its time for me to take care of myself though. I need me time not quite sure what that entails, or how long, but I’m not looking to rush into anything with you or anyone else. You did say you would wait and I need you to hold to that.” You rub his arm, a silent plea for him to understand.

Simply nodding, he draws you into one final hug, thankful that you had heard him out and that you had finally got your opportunity to talk. You both spin around to find the whole group crowded around the doorway. You quirk an eyebrow at them. Most of them had silly little grins on their faces, some were nodding, Tony was looking a little close to crying but with a proud look on his face.

“Really guys, you guys gonna just snoop on a private conversation?” Trying to give them the best evil eye you could.

“Hey, we are as invested in this situation as you and Bucky. Besides we also wanted to know why you suddenly decided to travel.” Sam said everyone nodded in agreement, as he pushed through the group to draw you into a hug.

You merely laughed, drawing back to shake your head at the group. Suddenly a thought occurred to you, “Hey Bucky, you said even if its Sam, what does that mean?”

“Oh well, you see a while back I saw you in the gym and I saw the two of you kissing. Then you guys started acting all sweet on each other. I thought the two of you were seeing the other.” He blushes as he admits this, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. When he looks up to confirm his suspicion he finds you both have a look of disgust on.

“Oh that, the incident that should never be talked about again,” Sam states shaking his head. “That was a decidedly, mutually bad decision. A misinterpreted feeling that ended up with us kissing. Sorry to say but this one,” he bumps your shoulder, “has been permanently been placed in the friend zone and even the family zone really and we all know that there is no coming out of that. I’m sorry to say that she will never get to indulge in the greatness that is myself.”

You shove him away tired of his ridiculousness. Bucky socks him in the head. You all head into the main room, chatting about the upcoming adventure. Things were looking up and you had a chance to finally do something worthwhile.

An adventure of a lifetime and you just couldn’t wait for it to begin.

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So ready!!!

Iron Man & Mrs. King (20/20)

Pairing: Tony x Reader Word Count: 1366 Warnings: Domestic Abuse, fluff, some swearing. JARVIS is still an AI, Bucky is part of the team.

6 months later, Asgard

Y/N stood on a balcony overlooking a training courtyard that was filled with Sif’s warriors. Odin and Loki kept watch next to her as one of Sif’s latest trainees was sparing against a man covered in the day’s bruises. He was slightly skinnier and his face no longer held his signature sneer, but Wayne was still very recognizable.

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Do you have a Masterlist?

I do indeed. I have no idea how to put it in my description above but if you search for it it should pop up. Here us a link just in case. https://lroa46.tumblr.com/post/165326967171/masterlist