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iiluv7 liked this · 8 months ago
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lufvg liked this · 9 months ago
More Posts from Lufvg
Have you ever thought about the fact that not only did Tsukki have to deal with the fact that Hinata's idol "the little Giant" took Akiteru's place, that Hinata's constantly threatening to take Tsukki's place too, but the fact that when everyone got better and he only slowly managed to pick up speed too (the training camp arc) and he actually got some recognition for that with the youth camp.... Hinata showed up there too and stole the show? Like, I know he likes to be mean, but don't you think there's some deep insecurity hidden behind all that?
Yay Tsukki! I find him to be a very interesting character! And I love this question! Honestly I think his insecurities about Akiteru kind of helped him with any internal issues he might have had with Hinata, maybe not in a healthy way though. Let me explain.
Kei had admired his brother from a young age, everything his brother did was cool, especially when it concerned volleyball. He either grew to enjoy the sport or wanted to be like his big brother, one or the other.
Then his brother chooses Karasuno and the team does well. Kei must be so proud of his big brother playing for a team like that, making that team stronger with his ability. And Akiteru is so embarrassed and hurt about that not being the case that he's willing to hide the truth and push Kei away rather than risk his reputation with his little brother. And poor Tsukki doesn't realize there's anything amiss.
I wonder if Tsukki regrets going to that Karasuno game? Would he have rather not found out about his brother's lie? Kept believing in the illusion that his older brother was as strong of a player as he presumed. Kept following in his footsteps and holding him in such a high regard.
Regardless, he did go and he got the rug pulled out from under him by the truth. Poor little Kei was devastated. Did he understand why Akiteru lied to him? What reasoning did a heartbroken young brother attribute to his older brother's actions? Did he view it as anything more than Akiteru's pride keeping the truth from him? Kei's trust in his brother was absolutely shattered by that point. Did he recognize his brother's bitter maybe even hopeless desire to make a spot for himself on the court?
If Kei didn't right then, he would've after seeing Akiteru sobbing on his bedroom floor that one time. At that time, to little Kei, high school would have been viewed as the big leagues. And Kei's big brother, the one he perceived as practically perfect, couldn't manage to make it in a sport he obviously loved. He saw how much Akiteru's own failures devastated his older brother. And Kei is a smart kid. I see him as someone able to learn from other people's missteps. He sees how much emotional anguish his brother is going though and he comes to the conclusion that emotionally distancing himself will prevent that kind of pain for himself in the future.
There may even have been that little voice in the back of his mind telling him that if his practically perfect older brother couldn't master this sport then how much of a shot did he have? Or maybe it just put everything into perspective. High school isn't the big leagues, his brother is far from perfect, and volleyball is just an extra curricular activity, just an after school club like any other. I think how whole view on life as he knew it was shaken.
If that doesn't kill one's love of the game what would? I wonder if he considered quitting volleyball himself? Or maybe he just didn't see the point in any of what Akiteru put himself through. Why would someone be willing to put that much of themself, to the point of emotional anguish, into something as miniscule as a game. Did Kei think his brother intentionally mislead him because of Akiteru's own pride, that he would rather Kei kept looking up to him rather than admit his own shortcomings?
What I'm getting at is Tsukki is already kind of messed up about how he views competition and volleyball before he even meets Hinata or joins Karasuno. I think part of why he doesn't get along with Kageyama is because he sees that same obsession with volleyball that led to he and his brother falling out. And they did have a falling out, even if it was Kei silently avoiding his brother and not a shouting match or Kei hurling accusations. There's no way Akiteru and Kei's relationship was nearly as strong after Kei discovered that deception.
So to go to Karasuno himself, also join the volleyball club, and find out there were people just as obsessed with volleyball. Not only did their obsession confuse him, both Kageyama and Hinata had both already been hurt by the game they love so much, Kageyama shooting himself in the foot with his perfectionism and Hinata so incredibly desperate to play despite not having enough skill, both being a little too similar to Akiteru's high school situation.
I think that first 3 on 3 match was the deciding factor for Tsukki's reluctance to push himself for most of their first year. I don't recall if Hinata had mentioned the tiny giant around Tsukki prior to or during that initial match, but he would've recognized that burning desire to play in Hinata. I don't know if he equated him as being a rival so much as him having the personality flaw of loving something that will eventually just hurt you. I almost think Tsukki took on the view that anyone who puts more than a modicum of effort into a sport is just waiting to be emotionally devastated when their career doesn't go the way they expect.
So that 3 on 3 match was a test for Tsukki. He would put in a certain amount of effort, if he won he could gloat over Kageyama and Hinata, really show them why their point of view on volleyball was flawed. If he lost, no big deal, he refused to care that much, wouldn't allow himself to care like Akiteru had. He didn't put everything he had into it, because if he did and his team still failed then his best wouldn't be enough and he risked being hurt in the same way Akiteru had been.
I think Hinata did threaten him, but not in the way you expect. I think his obvious love of the game and persistence in getting better made Tsukki realize that maybe his beliefs were incorrect. So many people he met through the club were just as infatuated with volleyball as his brother had been, but they weren't hurting because of it. Kageyama, Hinata, Bokuto, Kuroo, and so many other were thriving. I'm sure that is what has him second guessing everything he thought he knew yet again.
Hell, even Tadashi was putting so much extra effort and feelings into making a spot on the court for himself, and Tadashi knew what happened to Akiteru. I'm Kei's opinion, Tadashi should have known why it was dangerous to put that much of yourself into something as arbitrary as a school club. Yet he did it anyways and then months later had the nerve to call Tsukki's own apathy on the subject into question.
So as to your original question, maybe a small already repressed part of Tsukki's mind might have felt that insecurity when it came to Hinata being in direct competition to himself, but I think the main problem was Tsukki's view on competition as a whole. He didn't even give himself the option to compete with Hinata as that would have proved himself correct in seeing volleyball as not worth the possible heartache of having his pride dented. I think he told Asahi something similar. People, himself included, didn't expect much from him while he was on the court, he just had to hold down the fort until Hinata was back.
In fact it wasn't until after he decided to actually start putting in effort that he saw Hinata as a rival instead of just some idiot on the team that happened to play the same position. For example, right before the Shiritorizawa match, Hinata had asked Tsukki if he could stop Ushiwaka. Tsukishima stated he hated when other people told him he couldn't do something. I don't know if he would have responded that way before he decided to put effort into getting better, I don't know that he would have let himself care about Hinata's sudo insult to his ability.
Tadashi, having known him for a while, could pick up on his competitive nature. But I wonder how much of that Tsukki had abandoned after what happened with Akiteru. I would assume quite a bit if his team's loss of the 3on 3 game was any indication. Sure he was slightly annoyed, but I don't think he allowed himself to care as much as he would have otherwise. In Tadashi's perspective, was Tsukki re-emerging from his metaphorical shell when he started showing his competitive side again, when he started really trying to get better?
I think by the time Tsukishima accepted Hinata as a rival and possible replacement, he'd already passed Hinata's defensive abilities. I think he recognized Hinata's more offensive style as opposed to his own defensive specialties. So maybe he already saw that they weren't in direct competition for a spot on the court. Maybe by time the first year training at Shiritorizawa came along, he just saw Hinata as a means to increase his own proficiencies.
I like to think Tsukishima did eventually notice the parallels between Akiteru and the tiny giant and he and Hinata. But by time he let himself care about the competitive nature of their relationship, he was already becoming more confident in his abilities. Maybe understanding that his situation was different than Akiteru's, or maybe that the lessons he'd learned at a young age were incorrect.
I think ultimately he learned that the feeling of being overshadowed isn't necessarily a negative one. And that instead of immediately surrendering, he has the option to push back. And more importantly, he isn't afraid of that option anymore.
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