ML Scarlet Lady Au Master Post 2

ML Scarlet Lady au Master post 2

Ficlets:

A hero no more

Balcony talks

Sweets

The sidekick

The limit

The Reason

Truth

Another Hero

Split

Real Hero

Honey

Lady Luck

Episodes

Evillustrator

Dark Cupid:

(Part 1)  (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)

Volpina:

(Part 1)  (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)

Fan made Episodes:

Miss Fortune:

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

Things that have changed since I discovered that I am autistic

I read that it is common among newly-diagnosed autists to start exhibiting more traits - or maybe we just become more aware of our autistic traits because we no longer need to brush them aside as “quirks” or “bad habits”. Anyhow, this phenomenon is absolutely true for me. After being in denial my whole life and explaining everything away with “I’m just weird”, I am now going through the phase where I realize how many of the things I used to get mocked for are actually autistic traits. And it’s such a liberating feeling to know that I am not alone, that many fellow autists do and experience the same thing to a certain extent.

Examples of what I have been experiencing lately:

I am a lot more aware of my senses - and the sensitivities that are connected to them. I am more in touch with my body - what it feels, what it needs. I enjoy textures and tastes more intensely.

But I also notice negative sensory input more, like how sensitive I am to crowds and noises - and I allow myself to be. I am no longer in denial about being vulnerable. For example, I finally understand why I have always been so anxious when in public places (e. g. when commuting) - I think it’s because anxiety is my go-to reaction to sensory overstimulation.

I also catch myself stimming more often - because now I recognize which behaviors are stimming. And I try to allow myself to stim freely when I need to (I still struggle with stimming in public though) and enjoy the flow of energy that comes with flapping my hands or bouncing my legs or rocking or swaying or or or.

I am also less self-conscious about not being able to sit still, like, ever. I am even less self-conscious about my clumsiness because I learned about dyspraxia and it helped me understand that I smash things or run into walls not because I am not careful enough, but because of dyspraxia.

I am embracing my special interests more freely without questioning “Am I weird for being THAT obsessed with that thing?” At the same time, I am more aware when I am infodumping people - not ashamed, just aware.

I am aware of my spoon limit and try to be more kind and forgiving of myself, not pushing too many tasks on myself, cut myself some slack from time to time.

I am more comfortable with communicating my needs, and more assertive. If I don’t understand a task at work, I ask for specific instructions instead of just assuming out of fear to come across as not that sharp after all. If I can’t follow a person’s thoughts, I ask for clarification until I really understand.

And I try being less of a doormat. Due to emotional abuse and neglect in my childhood, abusive relationships and lots of bullying, I developed the desperate need to come across as chill any time, always conforming to other people’s needs instead of asserting my own. It’s baby steps, but now I am trying to a) become more aware of my needs, my likes and dislikes and b) act upon it. For example, when I am presented with two options, I try to not automatically answer with “oh, whatever you like, both options are fine with me” but instead really think about it and name the option that I actually prefer and not the one I think the other person wants to hear.

I now finally understand what it means to be unapologetically myself - for better and for worse.

Because I finally have a reason, an explanation for all the quirks and “weird” behaviors I used to be bullied and also beat myself up for. How many times have I screamed at myself internally: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!?!?! Now I know why, and I know that I am perfectly fine the way I am.

What is Autistic Burnout? a guide from Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network (AWN)

Signs: • Lack of motivation (hard to care about goals when everyday life is overwhelming) • Loss of executive functioning abilities (decision-making, organization, etc.) • Difficulty with self-care • Easier to reach overload or meltdown • Loss of speech, selective mutism • Lethargy, exhaustion • Illness, digestive issues • Memory loss • Inability to maintain masks or use social skills • Overall seeming “more autistic” or stereotypical • May have period of high energy before collapse

Causes: • Passing as neurotypical / suppressing autistic traits • Doing ‘too much’, too much stress • Aging: needing more downtime, having less energy • Changes, good or bad (relationships, jobs, living arrangements, belongings, environment, routines…) • Sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, dehydration • Illness • Sensory or emotional overload

Strategies: • Time • Scheduling breaks, managing spoons • Leave of absence • Stimming, sensory diet • Exercise • Massage • Reminders and supports • Routines • Better environment/job/etc. • Boundaries, saying ‘no’ • Dropping the mask/façade • Solitude • Absolute quiet • Creative projects, passions, special interests • Paying attention to reactions and your body

Sources: “Autistic Burnout – Are You Going Through Burnout?” Anonymously Autistic. Endow, Judy. “Autistic Burnout and Aging.” Ollibean. “Help! I seem to be getting more autistic!” American Asperger’s Association. (EDIT: Credit goes to Mel Baggs) Kim, Cynthia. “Autistic Regression and Fluid Adaptation.” Musings of an Aspie. Schaber, Amythest. “Ask an Autistic #3 – What is Autistic Burnout?” Thanks to Lindsey Allen, AWN Nebraska, for compiling this guide ©Autism Women’s Network 2017

Queliot as parents hc and how the kids think of aunt margo

· they adopted twin boys

· So Quentin is the smart parent and Eliot is the fun parent

· anytime they need help on homework or a school project they go to Quentin

· while any dumb idea’s they have they take to Eliot

· “boys what are you doing on the roof?”

· “we want to see if we can skateboard off the roof into the pool dad said it was okay”

· “oh right i did say that, have fun”

· “Eliot no!”

· Eliot dressed them from the time they were babies until they were old enough to dress themselves

· Even though he still helps them buy clothes as teenagers and Quentin does not have a say in the matter

· Eliot let’s them eat whatever they want

· Meanwhile Quentin’s like sure you can have cereal for dinner but also can you just eat an apple once in a while too?

· they start teaching the boys about magic when they turn 10

· Quentin tells them the history of Fillory and all thier adventures

· but they are more excited about Eliot showing them how to set stuff on fire

· Aunt Margo spoils the hell out of them

· Everytime she see’s them she has more gifts for them

· the boys think she’s a badass when they find out she was the high king of Fillory

· “you know i was the high king first”

· “yeah but Aunt Margo is so much cooler than you dad”

· Eliot pretends to be offended but he secretly agrees with them

· Margo babysits once a month so Quentin and Eliot can go out on a date

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2019

Rules: Answer the prompt of the day on your own separate post. You can answer as many or as few of these as you like. Answer with as much or as little detail as you wish. And tag your posts with the hashtag #30daysofautismacceptance. And make sure you tag it as #2019. Please help me spread this before the start of April!

April 1: Introduce yourself. Talk about who you are as a person.

April 2: Post a red instead selfie today!

April 3: Talk about what autism acceptance means to you.

April 4: What do you wish more people knew about autism?

April 5: Talk about how/when you were diagnosed. Alternatively, if you’re self-diagnosed, talk about how/when you realised you were autistic.

April 6: Talk about stimming. What does it mean to you? In what ways do you stim?

April 7: Talk about special interests. What does having special interests mean to you? Talk about your current special interests. Or talk about past special interests. What’s the most unusual special interest you’ve had?

April 8: Talk about ableism. Have you ever faced any ableism for being autistic?

April 9: Give a shoutout to your favorite autistic advocates/blogs.

April 10: Talk about your favorite autistic creators. The creator could be a youtuber, an artist, a musician, a writer, etc.

April 11: Talk about your support network. Are your family/friends supportive of you?

April 12: Discuss stereotypes. How do autism stereotypes negatively affect you? What are some stereotypes that you hate?

April 13: Discuss meltdowns/shutdowns. What are they like for you? How often do you have them? What helps you during a meltdown? What doesn’t help you?

April 14: Discuss relationships. How do you think being autistic has effected your relationships. It could be romantic relationships or platonic relationships.

April 15: Free day! Write about any topic you want!

April 16: Talk about sensory issues that you have. It could be touch, sound, etc.

April 17: Talk about your favorite canonical autistic character.

April 18: Talk about your autistic headcanons.

April 19: Discuss autism and bullying. Have you ever been bullied for your autistic traits?

April 20: Discuss identity. Do you prefer person first (person with autism) or identity first (autistic person) language? Why? Do you consider autism to be an important part of who you are?

April 21: Talk about school. How has being autistic affected your school experience (whether you’re currently in school or used to be in school)?

April 22: Discuss accommodations. Have you ever received accommodations in work or school? How have they helped you? If you haven’t, what accommodations would you like to receive?

April 23: Talk about stim toys. How many do you have? What’s your favorite stim toy? What stim toys do you wish you had?

April 24: Discuss routines. Do you generally have strict routines that you have to follow? Talk about what is part of your routine and when. What does it feel like when you can’t follow your routine?

April 25: How did you come to accept yourself as autistic? What was the biggest help for you in learning to accept yourself?

April 26: What have you learnt from the autistic community?

April 27: How did you feel about autism when you first found out you were autistic? How do you feel about it now?

April 28: Talk about things you struggle with as an autistic person. Why do you struggle with them? And what do you think could help you with the things you struggle with?

April 29: Talk about your strengths as an autistic person. What do you think your good at because of your autism?

April 30: Discuss autistic pride. What does autistic pride mean to you?

One of the really, really frustrating things about being autistic is that you feel like you spend your life trying to reach some sort of unattainable middle-ground:

- We’re criticised for not making enough conversation, but when we do actually really get in to a conversation we are told we’re ‘too intense’.

- We’re often trained to maintain unbroken eye-contact during conversations, yet in reality too much eye-contact is called ‘staring’ and makes people very, very uncomfortable. 

- We’re encouraged to ‘express’ ourselves more, yet our actual, genuine emotional reactions are usually deemed ‘innapropiate’ or ‘unnescessary’. 

- We’re told to be friendly and confident when approaching new people, but are then warned that we ‘come off too strong’.

- We are told to try and make interesting conversation, but are also taught that speaking about our interests will only ever annoy other people. 

- We’re asked to explain our difficulties and anxieties, only to be told that these explanations ‘make no sense’ or that our worries are unrealistic and invalid. 

- We’re expected to force ourselves in to social situations that feel overwhelming and draining yet still somehow remain friendly, good-tempered and pleasantly sociable. 

- We are encouraged to develop good self-esteem, while at the exact same time being taught that everything about us is wrong.

I don’t hate having autism - I’ve never hated having autism. But I do hate living with the never-ending pressure to attain this mythical ‘perfect’ level of social interaction that simply doesn’t exist in my case.