Magpie24601 - Magpie24601

I touched on it a bit already but I want to talk a bit more about Tai's conflict avoidance. I see a lot of my younger self in Tai, from his choice to simply ignore his soulmate out of fear, to his running up a mountain alone when he was stressed, to the lies he told and the final, devastating shut-down of episode 10. I understand all those choices at a gut level... which is why I want to descend into this story like a many-winged angel auntie and sit that boy down for some WORDS.

I think Tai is a person who doesn't believe in his own ability to survive emotional pain. He runs from difficult feelings, he shuts them out, and thus he never learns that he can endure being hurt. He smoothes over conflicts or creates distance, and thus never learns that love can survive conflict and problems, and that these things are necessary to create a deeper, stronger bond.

He grew up believing that the universe would give him a perfect, destined love. He clearly had a fairy tale view of what that would mean: free of serious struggle and pain, a happily ever after. As soon as the fairy tale was shattered he cut off the connection entirely. For someone like Tai, shutting down feels safe, while connecting through uncertainty or conflict feels terrifying.

As of the beginning of episode 10, he's taken steps to embrace love and the uncertainty it comes with, but he still hasn't really accepted that conflict and pain are part of life. If he tells Patts that he's meeting Lomfon, how will Patts react? How will he feel? Tai doesn't want to risk Patts being upset and he doesn't want to argue about it... he knows he isn't planning to leave Patts or cheat on him, he just wants to clear things up. Why invite a conflict when he can just not tell Patts what he's doing?

It's bad! It's bad. But I understand exactly where the impulse comes from. On some level, he is still fearful of any tiny ripples shaking up the clear pool of his current happiness. And instead, of course, he creates a tidal wave.

What I want to say to Tai is: you have to let yourself be hurt and you have to face it when you hurt someone you love. Conflict is survivable! It feels like the end of the world, but it's nothing to the amount of hurt you will create by hiding away, by lying to yourself and others, by shutting down and choosing silence and solitude over risk. The more you build up those walls of silence the harder they are to break down, so break them down, baby. Love comes with pain -- life comes with pain -- but it's not as bad as you fear. You'll survive it, and you'll discover a depth of love and connection you haven't ever let yourself feel.

CONTINUED UNPOPULAR OPINIONS ABOUT STEP BY STEP, EPISODE 11

I will spare y’all my biting criticism with a read-more. But, TL;DR – my review is short (for me, HA!), and I hand this show over lovingly to anyone who wants it. 

(Thanks to continued conversations with the inimitable @lurkingshan and the utterly lovely @neuroticbookworm to ensure I’m not going insane with these thoughts.)

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La Pluie and Step by Step are not enough. I miss the days when I had to struggle to keep up with all my current drama obsessions. *sigh*

Something I noticed in Step By Step

Ep 9 - The shift of the light

Pat starts off with light around him framing his face. When he sees Jeng for the first time, Jeng is blurred in the background with the flames in the front. Jeng has always been in the back of his mind, and Pat has always had other things to worry about. But all that is changing. Jeng likes him, he doesn’t know how he feels, and Jeng is leaving.

Pat closes his eyes, makes his wish, and blows out the candle. The light vanishes around him. The camera then flashes to Jeng, who is now lit up, a spotlight shining down on him. Pat can’t ignore Jeng anymore, he can’t tamp it down. We don’t know what he wished for but if were to take a wild guess it would most likely have something to do with Pat’s lovely situation with his boss Mr. Jeng.

Anyways, This moment was done so beautifully and the way the light was used so clever. I didn’t see anyone else talk about it so I wanted to :)

*jumping off Tumblr because NONE of the Step by Step spoilers look good*

All I'm seeing is misery for everyone in my feed.