mapofthemazeinthemirror

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Thank You For Inspiring It

Thank you for inspiring it <3

I'm not sure who this is about, since the poll hasn't finished. I was envisioning Yeonjun as I wrote it, but you can read it as whoever you like :) side note, thanks to aura whose work I was reading when inspiration struck!

trigger warning: angst?

"Don't marry him."

The world seems to shake as the words fall from his lips. It feels as though your heart comes to a screeching stop and drops into your stomach with a thud.

"What?"

"Please," he's saying before you've even finished forming the word.

His eyes are so sorrowful, and you're not sure if it's guilt or sincerity. Your head begins to throb as you catch up to reality. A few steps and he's in reach of you, reaching to cup your face between his hands as he looks down at you. His eyes dart between your own, trying to trace the look in them back to one single emotion. But even you don't know what you feel as you wordlessly shake your head as though the action could clear it.

"I..." you splutter, and his eyebrows tick upward, waiting for the rest of your reply, but it doesn't come. It feels like time might have stopped inside this room.

"I love you."

It sounds like the most matter of fact statement in the world. It sounds like waves crashing and the wind picking up and the first bird song of the day. So why does it feel so wrong?

"Why?"

You can feel the warmth of your own cheeks radiating back to you from the skin of his hands. The emotions you can't name are beginning to bubble up like lava in your belly, too many to name.

"'Why?'" he repeats, confusion clouding his brow with lines.

You wish you could silence the noise inside your mind. Thousands of words and questions and scenarios battering round and round inside your head, too loud.

"Why now? Wh- why are you telling me this now?"

You see the way he bites the inside of his cheek before he speaks, a nervous habit he's always had. "Because... I can't lose you."

The lava forms a name: Anger.

Instinctively, you pull your face from his hands, moving half a step back from him. "You're ruining everything... because you're jealous?"

"It's- I'm not jealous." His hands hang dumbly at his sides now. He looks hurt—by your words or by the way you've separated yourself from him, you're not sure. "Didn't you hear me? I love you."

Blinking back hot tears, you shake your head again. You refuse to believe it. Somewhere in the molten pool inside you swirls grief for what could have been if his words are true, and it's too much to bear.

"If you loved me, you could have told me. You had so many years to make your feelings known." You breathe sharply, something catching in your throat. "You just don't want me to have something that you don't."

The expression his face dissolves into makes your heart hurt tenfold. Maybe you were reading this whole thing wrong. But it's too late now; you're too proud to take it back or stay to hear another word. With one last look at your best friend and his pitiful glassy eyes, you turn and make a swift exit, finally allowing the tears to make their own escape. They taste of loss and regret.

Thank You For Inspiring It

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