A Photographers Portrait In A Mirror, A Hundred Years Ago, Japan, Ca. 1920.Text And Image Via Old Japanese

A photographer’s portrait in a mirror, a hundred years ago, Japan, ca. 1920. Text and image via Old Japanese Photos on Facebook

slope point, the southernmost tip on new zealand’s south island, is hit with such persistently violent southern antarctic winds that trees grow in the leeward direction. (click pic or link for credit x, x, x, x, x, x)

Finally finished this piece about the toxic beauty standards imposed by my parents while growing up. Painting all those eyes felt both meditating and drove me insane.

TW: child abuse

I included some of the comments my family has made about my appearance over the years, some of which are contradicting, just to show how impossible it was to please their toxic beauty standards. To them, I was always too skinny and too fat at 115lb. And being 5'6 was too short.

My mom told me to get plastic surgery for my monolid eyes, because only double lidded eyes are considered beautiful by Chinese standards. She pointed to her friend's daughter, who did get plastic surgery for her entire face, and said how much better the girl looked, how I should be like that.

My dad commented on my flat chest, asking how come my mom has boobs while I don't. My stepmom pointed out the frown lines around my lips, saying I don't smile enough. My stepmom always bullied me to the point of crying (by calling my mom a whore and such), so she knows exactly why I don't smile enough. My stepdad said my personality is too horrible to get a normal job, so I would have to prostitute myself, but that I'm too ugly to get clients so I would starve. When I told my mom what he said, she told me to stop lying.

After a lot of therapy for my CPTSD, I can look back and realize that they were the ugly ones, in all sense of the word. But for so long I had such little self-esteem, I would avoid photos. At my first artist alley over a decade ago, fans of my art wanted photos with me but I was too ashamed of myself to accept. I've improved a lot and no longer fear being photographed. I still struggle with other aspects of my childhood abuse (a story for a different day), but with each passing year I feel like I'm regaining bits of myself.

___

A peek of the painting process, the full hours long videos will be DMed on my Patreon on Sep 5th

You know, I'm quite worried for Tahamenay. If Team Zahhak do end up coming for Andragoras's body, I don't trust them not to kill her or kidnap her.

Yeah like the moment Team Arslan left her and ran into undead Vahriz I was like, “shit, there's nobody of significance guarding her” like sure there's a couple guards but I don't think they're gonna be able to do anything if Team Zahhak were to show up suddenly... Like, I like the direction the manga took with her character but I can't help but be afraid for her. She's had her revenge, I think she's accepted that she'll never see her daughter again and that's what enabled her to kill Andragoras, like she's essentially a flag untethered to a pole and one possible way to utilize her narrative-wise is to...

Her life has been so hard already, I hope it won't have to end like this.

I know that we probably won't get this scene because it looks like the puppets created by the wizards can't talk.

However, one scene has been stuck in my head for the last two chapters. It almost seems as if we're going to get a fight between Shapur and Kubard and Isfan (my poor heart! I'm not sure how I'll cope with this. Daryun and his uncle as well as Zandeh and Hilmes and Kahrlan have already torn me apart inside).

But of course I would be even less able to cope if something were to happen to Kubard or Isfan (after all, they are still alive and I would find it even more terrible if they died at Shapur's hand). So of course I hope that this won't happen and since I hope that it will be Kubard who defeats this Shapur puppet, the following thought occurred to me. Some time ago I read, and I think it was on @innerchorus , that in the novella Isfan asks Kubard/Kishward what his brother was like as Marzban and Kubard replies that they always competed against each other and he won more often than Shapur (which Isfan doesn't really want to believe).

So how would it be if Kubard won this final fight between them and Shapur then (with a smile on his lips) said something like "that was our last competition, it almost seems like you're the better of the two of us" or "It's a shame, I thought I could at least get a draw between us. It almost seems like you've finally won our competition, Kubard" and to Isfan "I'm proud of you, little brother" Urgh... that would be a scene that would break my heart and at the same time I need exactly that kind of scene.

Not to mention the panel where Kubard will comfort Isfan with a bittersweet smile on his face, knowing that his rival will be now gone forever.

I don’t now if we will get such a scene but yeah….this is something that is spinning in my head for a few days now.

I am ver curious, excited and anxious for the next chapter. (Impossible that a Manga can cause all those mixed up feelings. It is like a rollercoaster.)

Why does nobody's 'Ghibli-inspired' TTRPG ever look like this?