When John James Audubon Returned From One Of His Final Trips West, It Was Assumed That His Description

When John James Audubon returned from one of his final trips West, it was assumed that his description of the Yellow-Rumped Warbler was the product of a fevered mind decaying under what we now call Alzheimer’s Disease. Five years after his death however, it was discovered that "a bird askew, floating at odds with her perch" did in fact exist. Above, a typical specimen perches at a solid 17-degree angle approximately one cubic centimeter above a fencepost.

As summer rolls around, please make sure to stay well clear of Killdeer nests! These savagely territorial shorebirds can and will destroy any creatures that approach within twenty metric feet of their eggs. Thankfully they are primarily insectivorous, so a perimeter of variously-sized animal corpses can usually be found demarcating the ‘dead zone’.

Palm Warblers use their incredibly sensitive feet to check fallen logs for burrowing grubs or caterpillars. Able to locate a likely meal through as much as six inches of wood, a Palm Warbler’s foot is perhaps the most perceptive in the bird world. Unfortunately this astounding sensitivity comes at the cost of normal use, leading to the characteristic ‘palm walking’ which gives these tiny warblers their name.

Natural contortionists, Anhingas are believed to have inspired the Cubist art movement after Pablo Picasso watched his father attempt to paint one. The secret to their legendary flexibility is well known to selachimorphologists and keepers of housecats alike; rather than use a rigid bone system, these aquatic Turkeys have replaced their vertebral column with a pliable cartilaginous scaffold. This rather surprising setup allows lightning-fast strikes as their neck muscles are assisted by the inherent elasticity of cartilage.

With bent beaks testifying to their clumsiness, Pied Avocets will often trip over small rocks and driftwood while chasing down minuscule crabs and beach insects. Fortunately this cosmetic damage is impermanent, as their beaks are lined with a sponge-like network of veins and capillaries which ‘re-inflate’ the beak within an hour or so of bending.

Medium-billed Dowitchers are incredibly shy birds, and will hide their faces whenever they notice anybody watching them. The Academy of Bird Sciences requests that novice birdwatchers only attempt identification of dowitchers when they are safely on land so as to avoid accidental drownings. Thank you for your cooperation, and happy birding!