Superache

— superache

˚ SUMMARY. the genshin boys as conan gray songs

˚ FEATURING. ayato, albedo, childe, kaeya, thoma, xiao x gn! reader

˚ WARNINGS. angst, hurt/comfort pt 2 coming soon. also not proofred and written as a fever dream on jet lag. first work in months baby

˚ LINKS. masterlist

˚ NOTES. i am so dead. xiao idea credit to @lemonswriting

albedo (memories)

you had been broken up with albedo for months now

albedo can pinpoint the exact moment he felt his heart break, when you said  i don’t think we can continue doing this

he knew it wouldn’t work. he knew you deserved better than him

he knew that you deserve someone better–someone who can take care of you, who can come visit more often

it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. it always hurts

so all he said was okay, and he buries himself in work. he continues back to dragonspine, hoping to bury all memory of you

he works tirelessly–he works to forget how you used to sit in the back of the lab, making bracelets for him

he works so he doesn’t hear your laughter. he works so he doesn’t think of your fingers threading through his hair at the end of a long day

he works to forget. he works to drown

when he hears a knock on his door, three months after your breakup, he expects sucrose, jean maybe even

he doesn’t expect you

he opens the door, an “oh” falling from his lips

you smile at him. god it’s the same smile.

“uh, hi.” you hesitate at the edge of the doorway. there’s a lingering awkwardness in the air. albedo hates it. “i just want to talk.”

don’t ruin this for me, albedo thinks. i’m trying to get over this. don’t do this. don’t make me regret it all over again.

when there’s silence, you continue.

“not–not about us. i mean–sucrose told me you weren’t taking care of yourself. so i–” you rub the back of your neck, “i made your favorite. the sunshine sprat.”

and he feels it again–he feels his heart breaking, he feels it cracking again

because even after this–even after this, you’re still good

he wants to hate you. he wants to love you. he wants to get over you. 

but he doesn’t say that. 

instead: 

“do you want to come in? i know we are no longer an item, but we can stay friends, yes?”

and when you smile, he swears his heart throbs. when you smile, he feels his chest tighten

when you eat with him, he can’t help but be reminded of old times. when you tuck him into bed, refusing to leave until he rests, he knows he can’t separate your name from love. 

i wish that you had stayed in my memories. he thinks. i really do.

ayato (movies)

this is wrong, ayato knows.

this–this, stolen kisses under the night sky. this–sneaking in through the back window to see you.

this is wrong. this is so wrong.

because this is not meant to be. this is a fantasy. this is a dream

because ayato’s not allowed to want many things. and ayato knows he’s not want you

but he loves you. and you love him

but this isn’t a movie. and you both know this won’t last

and even when he steals another kiss under the sky, and whispers an “i love you” you both know this won’t last

“you will never break my heart,” he whispers to you, knowing it’s a lie. “we’ll be together forever.”

but this isn’t a light novel.  and eventually, all must wake up from their dreams

 and when he inevitably becomes swamped in work, and you become a liability, he lets you go

when his job threatens your safety, he lets you go

ayato isn’t allowed to want many things. his job always sees to it

(more utc!)

childe (the exit)

it’s mid november when he sees you again. 

it’s been eight months since he left, eight months since you two broke up. it’s been eight months since you stormed out of the house, taking all your stuff with you

it’s been eight months since childe’s returned home to a light on. 

he’s doing fine. at least, that’s what childe tells himself

because he doesn’t let himself feel it–he doesn’t let himself feel it when he works, when he does his job. 

he doesn’t let himself feel it until it’s four am and he is alone.

it’s been eight months since you broke up. and it has been eight months since childe has felt himself. 

and yet, childe still can’t find himself to say it’s over.

he sees you again at wanmin restaurant–you’re sitting alone, and he sees your face brighten 

at first, he thinks you see him. but your eyes slide right over him

and then he sees–he sees him. 

he’s from your hometown–childe remembers the days you used to talk about your almost lover from your high school. he remembers pouting, before you kissed it away, laughing and saying he was the only one

childe stands at the entrance of wanmin, feeling his heart clench. he feels it break when you embrace your new lover, smile brighter than the stars 

he doesn’t know what he expects–he doesn’t know what he wants

he doesn’t know if he wants you to feel the same pain he does–the same loneliness, the same longing he does. he doesn’t know if he wants you to move on like this, he doesn’t know anything

but you’ve healed. clearly you have. because your smile is dazzling, when your new lover wipes sauce from your lips with a napkin

you’re both scarred, childe knows. but childe’s wounds are still deep, while your’s have been carefully bandaged and healed by a new lover

and all childe can do, is stand at the exit, staring at a boy who’s not him

you’ve made a new future. and he’s not apart of this one.

diluc (footnote)

you met diluc while training to be a favonius knight

it didn’t take you long to fall in love–many were in love with the youngest cavalry captain

he was always kind to you–you sparred with him, daily, equally matched. but every time he had knocked you over, he had always offered you a hand, and a crooked smile

you became close friends with him over the years–and, eventually, you gathered the guts to ask him out

and he had said yes

you had been overjoyed at the time–and you should’ve been. you couldn’t have possibly known what would follow the night after

diluc never showed up to training the next day. he had vanished completely

and it’s only later that you hear his father had died

you reached out to him, but he never replied. he didn’t replied, and then he left all together

you still send him letters, when you hear he’s departed to snezhnaya. 

you get one back once.

“sorry i haven’t been replying. i’ve been busy.”

and it’s then you realize–it’s then you realize, you’re merely a footnote in diluc’s book. and he has bigger things to worry about

and you understand. so you put your pen away, and you don’t buy another stamp

and even when he returns to mondstadt, you don’t say anything

you’re merely a footnote.  and you’ll keep it that way

kaeya (family line)

you love each other. 

but that doesn’t mean you’re right for each other

you’re both young, and you’re both dumb

kaeya’s mother has told him three lies that he can remember. and he remembers them clearly

the first lie: the monsters under his bed are just lonely

he and you fight constantly–it always starts with you accusing him, do this, do that, and kaeya brushes it off, until it explodes

and kaeya deflects–he always does

he deflects, and you leave. the door slams behind you

he’s not lonely. he’s still a monster.

the second lie: if you touch any bottle from the “reserved” cabinet, it will turn into a giant worm and eat you

but he doesn’t want to fight. kaeya never has. and neither do you

so it’s another situation that never gets solved–another problem buried under a drowning kiss, another night at the tavern so kaeya can forget

the bottle from the “reserved cabinet” is the same as in the tavern. and kaeya can drown. he can drown until he is two thousand miles below sea level and can no longer hear reason

but when it’s four am, and he’s still awake in your shared bed, he wants to turn you over and whisper an apology. he wants to tell you he’s sorry. he wants to say something.

but kaeya’s good at telling lies. he’s told a million to survive. he gets it from his mother

and he’s not sure how to let that part of himself go

so he doesn’t, turning over to his side of the bed. he knows better than to be truthful. the truth has already broken one relationship. he won’t let it break another

third lie: i will always be there

kaeya should know better. he should know that you won’t stay

he is his mother’s son after all

thoma (best friend)

you’ve been thoma’s best friends for years

best friends. the words taste bitter in your mouth

because you’re not just that–or, that’s not true. you don’t want to be, just that

and everyone knows–everyone knows how you look at your best friend. everyone sees the love that’s reached further than just platonic

and the old grandmother on the street sees the way you soften when he smiles at you, or the way you let him drag you anywhere

you and thoma have been best friends for years. and you have loved him for years

you ran a boba store that ayato quite liked. and thoma had always had to run there, to pick up boba for ayato

during those times, you’d talk. and during those times, you fell a little more in love every day

you’re not as friendly as thoma–in fact, you’re the opposite

but you fit

you fit in a way you can’t explain–you match thoma in a way you can’t explain

and you hate it–you hate it, because you can’t let the idea of him go

because nobody else would go grocery shopping with you at two am. nobody else would wake up, at five in the morning, to go on a run for your dog

nobody else would hold you back from the karen on the street, cradling you until you’ve calmed down

nobody else would cup your face into his hands, and whisper sweet nothings when there are tears streaming from your eyes

because thoma sees you–he sees the nasty side, the kind side. and he’s stuck with you through it all. 

but he doesn’t see how every time someone is mean to him, they’ve suddenly disappeared the next morning

he doesn’t see the way your face splits into a smile every time you see him–or the way your heart melts every time he pulls you into an embrace

thoma sees you

just not the way you want

xiao (people watching)

xiao sticks to his routine

xiao’s life has always been monotone–it’s been different shades of black and red, blood on his hands, black steam curling from his fingertips

but it’s always been mundane. it’s always been the same routine

there is one thing that isn’t part of his routine–you

you’re a mortal who works at wangshu inn, and you often find yourself looking out the window, to see an adepti

you officially meet him when threatened by a treasure hoarder than xiao easily vanquishes

he doesn’t talk much. that’s fine. you talk more than enough for both of you

he can’t pinpoint the exact moment–he can’t name a moment that he falls in love with you. but he does know the moment he realizes

and it’s one day, when up on the rooftop of wangshu inn, when you smile at him, putting a flower crown in his hair

he wants to push you away. he wants to tell you stupid mortal, but he can’t bring himself to

and he knows he’s screwed

xiao does everything with caution –it’s part of his training

but this–

there was no caution with falling in love. 

this is too messy. love is meant for mortals, not adepti

because xiao is two thousand years old. he’s watched mortals fall in love, watched them out of love, die in love. he’s watched it all

and xiao is not allowed to have those things. he’s not meant to feel love and emotion

he’s meant to be on the sidelines. and he’s been okay with that

but this–

this is dangerous. this makes him want. 

and adepti are not allowed to want. they’re meant for the sidelines

you’re a mortal–he’s an adeptus. he shouldn’t forget that

so he cuts you out–he cuts you out like he always does. he runs–he doesn’t appear on the roof anymore, hidden in the shadows

xiao cuts people out. and he always ends up all alone. he doesn’t know why it still hurts 

xiao should know better. he should stick to his routine

reminiscence.

fem! reader, scara and nahida would act like siblings change my mind, includes sumeru archon quest spoilers!

“would you mind telling me more about [name]?”

scaramouche had to make sure he was hearing things correctly.

“excuse me?”

“[name]. i want to know more about her.”

the tiny god of wisdom gently rocks back and forth on her makeshift swing created by her control over dendro—watching over the city of sumeru with soft eyes whilst the former harbinger stares daggers onto her back of her head.

a sigh escapes the man's lips from behind her, a telltale sign of his incoming exasperation, “you read my mind without my permission again? i remember clearly telling you to cut it out, didn't i?” his annoyance doesn't come unnoticed by the observant child.

“it was quite improper of me to do so, but i'm the god of wisdom. i actively seek out knowledge, and such—i couldn't resist the temptation of peering onto a mind as eccentric as yours.” her tone remains understanding of his irritation, yet all the more wise in explaining her unwarranted prying.

the dark-haired male behind her hums, leaning back onto the tree as he shuts his eyes closed, seemingly given up on voicing his displeasure towards the archon.

“tell me what you know so i'll know where to start.”

his immediate compliance makes the curious child turn her head his way, staring at him with wide eyes.

“you...” nahida trails off as she smiles in relief, quickly reminding herself to not comment on his chosen act of opening up as he might get impatient and dismiss the subject altogether.

the distant chatter of her people down at the city successfully averts her attention from him, her eyes now gazing down at a certain blonde traveller stopping by to buy some supplies for their next adventure.

“you were dreaming of her during your slumber. she's...the fourth betrayal you encountered, correct?” nahida knows that you were anything but a betrayal, but she has to bend her words to his whims for now as to avoid a temper tantrum.

scaramouche hums in response.

“out of all the companions you've trusted, you seemed to cling onto your memories of her the most. why is that?”

“if you've read my mind, then i'm sure you already know why.”

“you're not gonna deny it?” the lesser lord cranes her neck to look at him over her shoulder, brows raised questioningly at his statement. “that you were in love, romantically?” she had carefully formed the question to give him the freedom of denying it just in case he wasn't ready to face his past just yet, but this situation was clearly something she didn't expect.

the male remains resting against the tree behind him, uncaring of the child's rather surprised gaze as his eyes stay shut. “if there's one thing you taught me while being under your care, it has to be acceptance.” he feels his anemo vision thrum to life by his chest, but he pays no mind to it as he continues, “i have nothing to lose now, so I might as well stop lying to myself to give my existence some type of meaning.”

nahida can't help the softening of her eyes towards the male, her smile widening by a fraction before she returns her gaze towards the city below her. if anything, that's probably his way of thanking her. it's a pretty roundabout way considering the better alternatives, but it managed to get the message across, didn't it?

she sighs in content, “that's essentially all I know about her. once again, would you mind telling me how she was like?”

you would probably pass out if you found out that the god of wisdom wishes to know more about you.

the ends of his lips twitch upwards for a moment as he thinks back on the memories he held dearly of you;

ranging from the embarrassing and funny moments you two shared like that one time you accidentally mistook him as a girl due to how graceful and fair his skin and face was, or up to the more intimate moments—like watching the narukami festival unfold along with its blooming fireworks from the mountain peaks of tatarasuna...

...and that one time he finally let your desires free and bared himself for you to touch—his first time.

he feels his cheeks burn at the thought, crossing his arms with a huff as if to breathe out the sinful thoughts.

now that he was free from the shackles of burdens and hatred, everything he experienced with you no longer seemed to be as bitter and disgusting to recall—unlike the times before where he'd have occasional dreams of you back in the fatui, the pettiness in his nerves as he calls it a nightmare that reminds him of how naïve and weak he was back then.

he returns to the matter at hand with a new sense of clarity—now what was he supposed to say again?

right. he was supposed to tell nahida about you.

he can't believe he's still blushing over you after all these centuries.

lifting his eyelids, the first thing he catches in his eyesight was nahida's knowing smile—directed right at him as she stays still on her swing.

why is she—?

oh.

making haste with his movements, he quickly lifts his hand to pull down his hat over his face, only to discover he wasn't wearing his hat at the moment—so pathetically enough, he opts to cover his face with a hand, shyly hiding his face from the grinning archon as he looks away with reddened cheeks and ears.

he got too carried away while reminiscing, it seems.

“i see...so you're still very much in love with her, hm?” nahida speaks up with a teasing tilt to her voice, relishing in this rare moment of the male's lowered guard, “not like i blame you. she was really pretty in your dreams, and probably even prettier in person.”

“shut up. do you want me to continue or not?”

with a quick apology amidst her fit of giggles, she nods, looking away once again from the eccentric wanderer to give him the privacy he deserves.

“sorry, sorry. now you may start.”

her curiousity is piqued. just how much of an impact did you make to cause the male to make such interesting reactions?

she's about to find out now, it seems.

might make part two idk

*ੈ🌩️‧₊˚— permission and promiscuity + rensuke kunigami.

૮˶ᵕ ༝ᵕ˶ა synopsis — your boyfriend could not be anymore of a sweetheart, but you're tired of him asking for permission, for being the nice guy…and for once you want to see his wild side.

⭑ warnings — please read + mdni ! characters aged up to 20s, smut, newly established relationship, doggy-style, squirting, breeding mention, size!kink, slight praise!kink, unprotected!sex, dom + pro player!kunigami, fem!reader - not beta read !

⭑ words — 1.2K.

⭑ notes — heyooo !! i'm back!! this is for the kunigami fans out there woo!! sorry this is so short aaa i have never written for him pls be kind i am just a girl who could nawt get this out of her head - m.list ✩

kunigami never does anything without your permission. 

he whispers a question each and every time he leans in to kiss you, wetting his lips with the pink of his tongue and his golden eyes hooded each time. ‘can i kiss you, sweetheart?’ he’ll ask. ‘let me kiss you, yeah?’. a hand around your waist to show his possessiveness over you in front of his teammates is usually met with a soft look against his chiselled and god-like features. ‘is this okay?’ his face will say, his fingertips just a breath’s width away from curling around the outline of your hips. 

kunigami always asks to hold your hand before he does it, thumbing over the mountains of each of your knuckles as he waits for you to fully grasp his larger hand with your own. 

you could say he’s courteous, gentlemanly and it’s incredibly endearing. 

never in your life have you had a man treat you with such respect and be so cautious of his every move around you— as if you’re an intricate and vintage vase at risk of shattering at any moment.

you tell him this after having your boyfriend walk you home— he stands before you outside the threshold of your apartment, nervous as he swallows thickly. “i’m not made of glass rensuke, i won’t break if you touch me.” leaning forward, you place a hand on his chest and nose up the sharpness of his jaw as if to taunt the poor man— push at him until his resolve breaks. 

“but you said,” the football player breathes  through his nose, falling into your trance. “but i don’t wanna hurt you. you said it’s been a while.” 

he’s so cute, so considerate— kunigami’s cheeks flaming at your proximity and the sweet kisses you leave along his jawline. “it’s only been a while because my big, strong man won’t let me at him,” you drawl, dragging your hand down his chest. “i need you, ren. what are you so worried about?”

“big is an understatement,” rensuke tilts his head to capture your lips in a chaste kiss, a sign that your temptation is working. “i just don’t want to cause you any pain, make you uncomfortable…” he loses his words in your feverish kisses, your fingers fisting the collar of your boyfriend’s shirt and your tongue hungrily gliding across the seam of his mouth. you barely give the orange-haired pro player any time to think outside of you.

parting slowly, licking at the strings of saliva that connect you both, you grin— a dark and enticing flame flickering in your once innocent doe eyes. “i can take big, ren. i can handle you.” 

“i-is this really a conversation we should be having on your doorstep, sweetheart?” kunigami stutters. 

“we could be having it in my bedroom if you’d just come inside, my love.” you counter, mischievously.

that’s how you end up a soaked and sweaty mess, pinned underneath your boyfriend and gripping hard onto the sheets for dear life. 

all of your teasing and taunting had pushed kunigami over the edge— bringing out that wild card in him. saliva swapping kisses turned to skilfully stripped clothes, the soccer player using one hand to unclip your bra with skilful ease halfway up the stairs to your bedroom. you’d just about managed to yank his shirt off before stumbling through the door to your room— caressing every ridge and muscle in rensuke’s sculpted form. 

you were tossed to the bed before your brain could catch up, large hands rolling you onto your stomach and moulding you into the perfect position to be absolutely ravaged. ass up high, face down low and in the sheets. 

he’s been working his cock into you for the last hour, your cunt so tight around him— clinging to every blue-forked vein that spirals around kunigami’s length as he languidly pushes it deeper into you. poor you, poor baby…you’ve only been able to take half of his chubbed up dick, clawing at the blankets every time your boyfriend even pushes an inch further into your welcoming wet walls.

“come on sweetheart,” the orange-haired striker rasps, tonguing up the nape of your neck from behind, licking across your saltine skin. “you’ve been so good. take a little more for me, that’s it…let me in.” 

a whimper bubbles up on your glossed lips, it’s remainders smeared across your face from where you’ve been writhing against pillows and blankets for friction and you wiggle your hips back onto your boyfriend in frustration— wanting more. “ren,” you huff, looking back at him from over your shoulder with glassy eyes. “s’too much.”

he pauses, the rough pads of his thumbs circling over the stretch marks on your hips. “does it hurt?” 

you shake your head ‘no’ and kunigami grins against your skin— the feeling of his lips spreading causing goosebumps to rise across your neck and shoulders before he plants wet kisses along them until he reaches your lips. “then we’ll keep going, until you’re stuffed full’a me ‘n my cock. okay sweetheart?”

“mm’fuck.. kay,” you respond with a sweet squeal. kunigami pulls his sweltering chest away from your sticky back, his hand pushing down on the small of it while his other finds your puffy clit between your dripping folds. a scream tears in the column of your throat as he simultaneously pumps his throbbing girth into you and draws his name across your sex in tight movements. the combination of those simple actions have your mind in a frenzy, clouding with visions of lust as your thighs tremble and struggle to keep you up. 

juices roll down their insides in thick waves, gathering around rensuke in a frothy white mix the more he fucks into you— the wet pap, pap, pap of his balls against your cunt echoing throughout your bedroom. you glaze him in your arousal, smear it up his contracting abs and the fronts of his toned thighs. you make rensuke kunigami an absolute mess, you destroy him and he wonders while he held back for so long.

“sing your pretty song for me, sweetheart, lemme hear you.” your boyfriend praises over your tune of kitten mewls, breathless pants and soft hiccups. you can feel yourself getting closer and he’s not even fully sheathed inside you— your walls rippling around him with the telltale sign you’re about to cum. rensuke doesn’t relent, placing his foot on the bed as leverage to move his hips faster, harder— groaning deep between bared and gritted fangs while he watches your ass jiggle against his pelvis, shining with your slick. “you gonna cum, baby? can i make you cum? is that okay?”

you barely have it in you to say anything, give him a sign…not that it matters. for the soccer player is already playing with your pleasure nub once again, drawing electrifying shapes against it and rubbing your juices back into your sex while you clench around his sloppy cock. tempting him into your bedroom had to be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made, you think as you fall apart— eyes rolling far back into your skull while you clench and cream on him.

“atta girl, sweetheart,” kunigami coos as you come down from your earth-shattering high, a mess of weak bones and jelly legs in his arms. it’s only then that he’s able to push all the way past your entrance, throwing the entirety of his weight on top of you and crushing you into the sheets— already gearing up to sensually swing his hips into you again. “but this time, you’re gonna take it. all of it. i’m far from done with you.”

you throw it back onto him and cry out in response, your head laying back against his muscled shoulder as a thick hand wraps around your throat without squeezing— feeling it bob underneath kunigami’s touch.

“can’t breed you how you want if you won’t take me, sweetheart.”

promises, promises and more promises

Rindou Haitani x Reader

Rindou doesn't understand why you stay with him

Rindou stands frozen in the doorway of your shared-penthouse with his eyes blown wide in shock as you grip his shoulders for support and tiptoe to kiss him; once on his cheek, then his nose before finally, flat on his lips. You walk back to where you came from, leaving him standing there with a face so embarrassingly flushed red that no one would believe the two of you have been married for two years-- going on three years this spring. He touches his cheek, as if still in shock that you kissed him, that you're his; the rings that you both wear and your wedding photos that you refuse to take off the wall, proof enough.

He blinks and hisses, shakes his leg when his mind registers the sudden stinging pain by his ankle. You come running towards him, again, with your arms outstretched in some sort of a greeting, to which Rindou opens his arms too in welcoming. However, much to his dismay, you drop to your knees once you near him and for a moment something pregnant with lust and amusement flickers of his face and he thinks, oh? that type of greeting. You seem to be full of surprises today because there is no greeting, he realizes once he looks down and sees you scooping up a small, white kitten.

Ah, he hears himself say, that makes much more sense. Four, maybe five, seconds pass, consisting only of you staring up at him cluelessly and the soft purring of the kitten that he assumes is in protest of the affection that he is yet to give it. Rindou makes no move to pet the cat because one, you don't own a cat, at least, not since he last saw you this morning when you kissed him good luck (and good bye) before he left for work. And two, he has already had a bad start with cats, he has never been very fond of them since that one time when he was merely eight and a stray cat ate his goldfish. Still, he extends his hand towards the white ball of fur because if it's for you, he'll do anything just once.

The laugh you let out when the cat (that you're yet to name because you honestly, weren't sure if Rin would let you keep it) bears it's teeth at your now seemingly coward husband, is ridiculously loud and filled with too much joy (or so Rindou thinks), causing him to quickly pull his hand away and shoot you a glare that is both stern but filled with love. Because this is you we're talking about, his very very pretty wife that he would flip the world over for. "It's ok Rin, you don't need to play with him," you say lightheartedly. He hasn't told you to get rid of it so no, there is no need for you to pick a fight with him, even though, deep down, you know that if he said he didn't want it you'd probably, most definitely, take it back to the pet shop.

You kiss his cheek before walking off into the kitchen where he can see you've already set the table and plated the food, which once he gets closer, he realizes is now cold. So perhaps, he's kept you waiting. It makes his heart sink. He doesn't realize you've dropped the cat until he sees it circling his leg, he suddenly becomes stiff and rigid, the fear that the small, little animal will somehow hurt him resurfaces in his mind. "Did you wait long?" he mumbles, a small frown playing onto his lips while you tug him towards the table. You shake your head and his frown deepens. You'd never say yes because you've just always been like that: too nice and too sweet to him, the type of wife to hold back your tears on nights when he comes home bruised and bloodied.

He remembers that night, not too long ago, when he came home soaked with bright red, painting your newly bought rug red with his own blood (not the blood of people he's killed, like usual). The image of you leaning over the tub to stitch the shallow gash in his chest while you struggled to not run to the toilet and vomit, as well as burst into tears, haunts him. Yet, he comes home every day to you running to kiss him at the door and he's surprised each time that the penthouse isn't empty-- that you haven't left.

"Rin? Are you listening?" you beckon, waving your had in front his face. He blinks, slowly, before nodding and picking up his chopsticks to eat. Now, he actually does listen to you as you tell him about the blue bird that flew into the house this morning, not too long after he left, and about the jellyfish you saw on tv that reminded you of his hair-- at this, he laughs because you, only you, are allowed to make fun of his hair. You wave your hand across his face again and he realizes he's been mindlessly staring at you but now, when he tries to refocus on what he was looking at, he can't remember.

Sorry, I'm sorry, he whispers against your skin before kissing the diamond on your wedding ring. You remember scolding him for how much it cost when he proposed to you, he only laughed and slid it onto your finger, mumbling something about but it's what you deserve. You have no idea what he's apologizing for (you think, he doesn't know either) but you smile at him like a silly little girl because your big bad, gangster of a husband is kissing your knuckles, one by one.

is it just me?

itoshi rin is tormented by the lingering ghosts of your tragic breakup. he is cold and he lives with the burden of missing you. he wonders if you are hurting too, or is it just him?

pairing : itoshi rin x reader

content : hurt and comfort. exes to lovers. messy breakup. accusations of cheating (no actual cheating). insecurities. mentions of alcohol. cursing.

it’s one in the morning and rin is surrounded by his friends and acquaintances but still, he feels cold. even with the alcohol in his system that he drank to purposely warm him, it’s cold.

it has been this way for nearly a year now. eleven months and a couple weeks, if anyone is counting. a few days more and it would be the anniversary of your breakup.

the nearer it gets to twelve months without you, the colder it gets. right now, even with the perfectly working heater in one of his teammate’s penthouse, rin shivers.

it’s cold.

he never thought it could be this cold.

rin knows why he feels like this. he knows exactly why he wakes up and goes to bed alone. the reason why his life is dull and empty is not a secret to him—he just won’t acknowledge it.

he refuses to admit to himself that the reason why he has been suffering for the past eleven months of his life is because you’re not here.

how could he admit it? how could he ever address that your absence it what causes his pitiful state, when he brought it upon himself.

it was his fault that you’re not here. he wanted this. well, he had thought that he wanted this.

there is no way he could welcome the thought that he misses you when he was the one who drove you away, right? there is no use.

it’s too late now. all he could do is go out with his teammates on nights like this and pretend as if he wasn’t freezing from the inside out.

“damn, this is so boring,” seishiro sits down beside him on the sofa and rin tenses at the presence of the white-haired boy.

he does not know what to do because among everyone else in this crowded room, you are most connected to nagi seishiro. your best friend. and he has long been your best friend before you and rin even got together.

how is rin supposed to act around the person who is still in your life while he himself isn’t? this man seated next to him knows where you are right now and what you have been doing, while rin has absolutely no idea how you are.

“didn’t think i’d see you here, itoshi,” nagi speaks again. rin hums in acknowledgment, “thought it wouldn’t be so bad to come.”

there is this unspoken understanding between them, that both of them are thinking about you. after all, aside from soccer, all they have in common is their connection to you.

nagi debates whether he should tell you that he saw rin tonight or keep it to himself so as to not instigate negative feelings from you.

rin wonders if he should start asking about you. he decides against it and pretended to busy himself with his cellphone to avoid further conversation with your best friend.

he convinces himself that he does not care. he acts like he doesn’t want to know how you are. he tries to make himself believe that as long as he can fake it, it will somehow be true.

jokes on him, really.

meguru approaches nagi next to him and rin is planning to ignore him like he usually does, but the words that comes out of meguru’s mouth made that utterly impossible.

“nagi! i saw y/n by the bookstore earlier this afternoon, didn’t you ask her to come? i invited her but she said you didn’t mention anythin’ about a party!”

the mere mention of your name makes rin’s heart stop. it has been a very long time since he heard someone mention your name casually around him. now that your name has been dropped, everything comes crashing down on him, and he cannot breathe.

“oh, damn, i’m sorry—“ bachira seems to notice his mistake upon not seeing rin next to nagi. they know not to carelessly throw your name around because at first, it affected his performance. now, it is apparent that you affect him in and out of the game.

“excuse me.”

rin is cold. it’s like ice is running through his veins as he stands up and rushes to leave the suffocating penthouse.

rin runs out to the street and for the first time since he lost you, he names the sinking feeling in his stomach that won’t go away.

for the first time since you walked out the door of your shared apartment, rin finally admits it.

he misses you.

he is longing for you like how the moon misses the sun but never meets it enough. it burns and it is freezing all at the same time because when you were here, he felt nothing but the assurance of your love.

he runs, and runs, and runs. it’s dark and it’s cold, but he runs. he runs in hopes that he could change the past. he runs with the burning desire to correct his faults and take back all the hurt he inflicted on you.

maybe then, you’d be here.

maybe then, it wouldn’t be so cold.

“are you seriously accusing me of that, rin? are you hearing yourself right now?” the hurt was evident in your tone as you watched the love of your life with all of his guards up.

his glares were accusing as if what he saw was an unforgivable betrayal. he had seen you talking to his brother, sae, and rin was quick to act out of pure rage and jealousy.

“you were flirting with my fucking brother!” he spat out, and he knew it was irrational.

he knew he was wrong about and that you would never be able to do that to him, but his years of pent up frustration and hatred towards his brother made it impossible to remember his trust in you.

“and i already told you i wasn’t, rin. i was talking to him. i bumped into him at the coffee shop while i was getting your usual morning drink when he saw me and i sat down for a little chat! that was all, baby. believe me.”

you deserved an award with how well you held up, with how patient you were with him despite his hurtful accusations towards you.

no one else understood him like you did, and you knew to be more patient with him in times like these. you were aware of how his brother affected him and how he just needed someone to stick with him through it.

“well, fuck that! you shouldn’t have been with him in the first place! sae wants everything that i have and now, he’s tryna get you too!”

it almost made you flinch, with his tone rising and his voice getting louder. he is furious, and you try to disregard the sting of his words now that his fury is directed at you.

“i’m sorry, alright? it wasn’t my intention to hurt you, rin. he’s your brother and i thought it would be nice to ask him how he is and—“

rin cut you off like he couldn’t comprehend a word that you were saying. “that’s bullshit and you know it! just fuckin’ tell me the truth! that like everyone and everything else, you’re gonna leave me for him!”

it frustrated you that he blocked all your explanations out. you were growing weary with the accusations thrown at you, but you continued. you continued to reason with him because you knew him. you knew he needed someone to stay. and above all, you tried further because you were in love with him.

you loved rin three years before you finally got together. your two years together made that five. that was five years of your life being deeply in love with someone whom you thought was going to be your husband and the father of your kids.

that amount of time may not be much when viewed through the generations of people who loved each other, but for the both of you, those five years were enough to build a life and create an ideal future with the other.

so, yeah. it never occurred to you to give up in that argument. there was no chance in hell that you would leave him high and dry.

“it’s not like that, rin. i am never going to leave you for anyone, much less for your brother! i need you to listen to me! we talked! that’s it!”

“you’re lying to me. i know it.”

you shake your head in exhaustion. “i talk, and i talk, and i talk—and you don’t hear a thing.” a lone tear falls from your eye without realizing.

his sharp stare does not falter. all he could see was red. the scene of you and sae together replayed over and over again in his mind.

you, the person he loved most, with the person who took everything away from him. it killed him to imagine a future where it is not you and him, but you and sae.

“i’m in love with you. only you. i cannot see myself with anyone else and i thought you knew that, rin. i get that your brother strikes a vein in you but don’t i at least deserve to be heard? we’re better than this.”

“yeah? and i thought you’d be better than acquainting with sae like that. you knew how i felt about him, and you did this? fuck that.”

rin walked out on you that night without another word. it felt like he also walked out on your relationship because he started training more. this meant leaving before you even woke up and going home when you were fast asleep.

during those weeks when rin avoided you like the plague despite living under one roof, you felt completely alone and isolated. you were lonely. he spoke to you in words, and he treated you as if your encounter with sae was enough for him to give it all up.

until one day, he comes home to a living room full of bags and boxes. you were there, waiting for him with a tired smile on your face.

for the first time, rin realized that the black circles under your eyes have grown where they weren’t before. he noticed that you are all cried out and now, you’ve got no tears to shed as you leave him.

“w-what’s all this?”

“i’m leaving. i’m sorry for not getting out of your hair faster. it was really hard to look for another apartment that was within my budget but don’t worry, i figured it out.”

“leaving? leaving me? leaving… this house?” which one is it? or fuck, is it both?

“mhm. i f-figured it’s not healthy for us to live under the same roof after everything. i wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable in your own space just because i’m here, so…”

did you really think he wanted you to leave? he wanted to explain. he wanted to tell you that he only acted that way because he was hurt and he was guilty! you don’t have to leave!

but he’s frozen from where he stood. the sight of all your stuff packed up and ready to go was a little bit too much for him.

you stood from where you were seated among the bags and boxes, and you stop in front of him. again, you smile gracefully, in contrast to the breaking heart that almost killed you.

“and rin? i’m sorry again for what happened with sae. i should’ve known better than to do that to you, and i understand that you don’t want to do anything with me because of that.”

he shook his head but you missed it because you walked past him with some of your bags in your hand. “y/n, no. i—“

you hear it and for a moment, you delude yourself into thinking that he will ask you to stay. but he doesn’t continue.

he stops because how could he ask you to stay after how he treated you? it was his fault for not listening and in the end, it was you who apologized? in what fucking universe do i deserve this angel, huh?

he doesn’t stop you from leaving because in that very moment, the thought of you finally escaping from him and his hurtful treatment towards you didn’t seem so bad.

“so, i guess… i’ll see you around. nagi will be around to grab my remaining stuff, so try not to kill each other, yeah?” you try to play it off cool, mask the fact that inside, everything is falling apart.

rin nods but he stayed with his back facing you. until the end, he did not have the guts to face you. to face what he had done to you and your relationship.

suddenly, everything grew cold. everything lost their color. the empty corners of where your warmth used to be mocked him.

for nearly a year since then, he has lived and suffered with the mistakes he did. he didn’t know what to tell people when they started asking about you. he didn’t know how to ride the train without holding your hand. he didn’t know how to be soaked in the shower without letting his tears flow freely.

he wondered endlessly as he daydreamed of speaking to you again: are you hurting too, or is it just me?

his endless running brings him to your street where you moved when you left him. his feet takes him farther than he expected because this street is on the opposite part of town from your shared apartment, a telltale sign that you tried to get as far away as possible.

evidently, it is not far enough because on your way home from the convenience store, you run into your ex-boyfriend. rin is first to notice your presence, and instead of freezing up like he did when you left, he walks up to you.

“rin?” you are confused and nervous. after all, the last time you had seen him was almost a year ago. you never tried to see him again.

“it hurts.”

the two words he just confessed are two words that he has never said together in a sentence ever in his life. itoshi rin never admits it when something is hurting him. he never tells anyone when he is in pain.

for him to say that now, it is a cry for you to soothe him in a way that only you could, and you know this because you know him better than the back of your hand.

standing a meter away from you underneath a street lamp, itoshi rin confesses his truth.

“it hurts, y/n. it hurts without you. it feels like i can’t breathe. it is so cold without you. it hurts so badly. i thought i could live with it eventually—but i can’t. it only gets worse.”

rin sees your shoulders shake in your attempt to conceal your sobs but you are failing miserably, and so does he. you don’t say anything and rin figures that’s fair.

you already tried to talk. you already told him everything you needed to hear on the night of the fight that ruined your relationship. it’s his turn to tell you everything you deserve to hear.

but he isn’t as good as you when it comes to words. he thinks about how he accused you of cheating on him. he thinks about how he shut you out and left you feeling lonely. he thinks about every day that he could have chased after you but didn’t. he thinks about all of that and he thinks about how he’s sorry.

and he manages to get that last part out, hoping that you would get it. hoping that the deep-rooted connection between the two of you is enough to let you know what he means.

“i’m sorry.”

you drop your groceries to the ground and you close the meter of distance between the two of you. you welcome him in his arms but he wraps his arms around you tighter than you welcomed him, because he is afraid that if he doesn’t, he will lose you again.

“that is all i needed to hear from you, rin. i never wanted much from you. just you and your love. i just needed to know that you still felt that for me, and when i didn’t… i had no other choice to walk away.”

rin nods against your neck and you feel his tears staining your shoulder. “i’m sorry. forgive me, please. i love you. i love you. and i trust you. more than anyone, baby. i promise.”

“you know i could never hurt you like you thought i did—“ you recalled, but rin cuts you off because he can’t bear another second of you defending yourself when you shouldn’t be.

“i know. i know.”

his embrace around you tightens, and he does not care if anyone could look out from their windows and see the soccer star practically begging for you in the middle of the night. not when he is in your arms again after months of only dreaming about it and wishing for it.

“it hurt too much without you too, rin. i had to remind myself that i can’t run to you for warmth. i took everything in me not to throw away my dignity to beg you to bring me back.”

that answers his question.

in his absence, you were hurting too. your separation killed you just like how it killed him.

“no. no—don’t have to beg for it, baby. i should be on my knees to thank you for even taking me back like this because—shit—i swear that i wouldn’t have lasted another day.”

you run your hands through his hair before briefly pulling away to cup his cheek in your hands, and he fondly leans on your touch.

“for the entire year, i thought it was just me who longed for you, rin.”

you couldn’t be any more wrong.

“i begged the stars and the skies for this very moment. it wasn’t just you.”

Vampire shidou and/or rin hcs 🤲🏾?

૮ ͈>◡< ͈ა warnings — please read + mdni ! characters aged up to 20s, suggestive, angst, fluff, vampires, blood loss, blood drinking, dry humping, self-hatred, fledgling!vampire rin itoshi, fem!reader.

vampire!rin doesn’t easily admit to his emotions.

even before he was turned by his sire (isagi, unfortunately), rin could never find it in him to say what he truly wanted or truly felt. it was like some kind of physical block, in his throat and hanging over his mind like a thick, grey cloud ready to thunder. he processes deeply, but expresses little to none.

that is why vampire!rin hardly reacts when his sire brings you home as nothing but a mere pet, a blood bank for the entire family. at least outwardly. he’s against it, not that he would say, to bring a human around a band of blood thirsty, vile blood suckers — to say rin hated his kind would be treason, to say that he missed the beat of his own heart and the warmth to his flesh would be a disrespect to the head of the clan and while he enjoys clashing with isagi…rin needs this clan to stay alive.

turning off every human instinct he ever had in turn for living and instead of death — vampire!rin had no choice but to rely on those before him for his survival, no matter how much he resented it.

“rinnie,” he hears you before he sees you. thanks to his new and improved senses, vampire!rin can’t mistake the steady beat of your heart from through the walls. “yoichi said you haven’t been feeding.”

your words are soft, cooed to him gently as you push into the fledgling’s quarters. another thing that rin doesn’t understand, especially when vampires have no desire to sleep. “you’re calling him by his first name.” vampire!rin observes, though he doesn’t speak unkindly nor with any malice directed at you. he can’t tell if it’s jealousy that spikes at his heart or wanton

logic cannot explain you either — a sweet human who does what she can for men who may tear her apart at a moment’s notice. you’re too good for any of them, a delicate flower struggling to bloom in a garden of thorns and rin is but one of them digging into your supple sides and drawing fresh blood. vampire!rin refuses to be like them, like the rest who see you as nothing but a meal.

you are precious to him.

“i know that you don’t like to listen to him, rin,” you continue and step into the room carefully, as though not to spook him. “but you need to drink,” the scent of your blood, more valuable than any gem, flickers through the air and starts a war with rin’s natural instincts. he grips at the sheets he lays on, covers his mouth with a free hand, throat bobbing and eyes wide. he cannot take from you. from what little humanity you have left. “if you fight it, you might die. i don’t want that to happen to you, rinnie.”

when he looks up, eyes flickering between an ocean’s shade of aquamarine and the daunting red that you’re so used to (a sign of rin being a freshly turned vampire), he sees the trickle of crimson drip down from where you’ve pricked yourself on the finger. you stand by vampire!rin’s bedside now, your face kind — worrisome.

vampire!rin doesn’t want to lose that one last part of him. if he drinks from you, you’re no longer the same — rin is no longer human and you no longer have a companion in this mad house.

“you need to,” your voice wavers, as if you might cry — and if rin could draw a breath, he’s sure it’d hitch. “it doesn’t make you like them, doesn’t make you evil. you need my blood to survive and i need you to stay alive. so please rin, just drink from me. for me.”

and like he wasn’t holding back at all, rin launches himself onto you with his entire body weight — his quick reflexes allowing him to cradle the back of your head before the both of you collide with the floor. vampire!rin’s mouth is cool around the tip of your finger as he gives into his instincts and laps at your finger until the blood flow has stopped. he doesn’t, however, dragging his tongue up the length of your arm and over your shoulder — slobbering wet and cool.

“r-rin!” you stutter out, neither in fear or in pain — but instead with need, rocking your hips up into the fledgling’s as his mouth finds your own and you can taste your metallic flavour against the ice sheet plains of his tongue.

either he doesn’t hear you, or vampire!rin knows to give you more. he lets you work your tongue between his lips and press against the blinding white of his newborn fangs, then his kisses turn uncoordinated, sloppy as they trail from your bitten lips to the expanse of your neck. life pulses beneath your flesh, hunger drives vampire!rin to pierce the skin with pointed teeth — his eyes rolling back into his skull and the ache for a meal subduing.

vampire!rin can’t help it, to melt into you as you mewl and his venom sinks into your blood stream — calming you, filling you with pleasure. shivers run down your spine but you’re not sure if it’s because of how cold rin is or because of how good him just drinking your blood feels. your hand comes up to twirl in his forest green locks, soothing him and whatever disgust he might have for himself as a vampire.

“don’t worry rinnie,” you offer your reassurances, dreamily. “take all that you need.”

vampire!rin may hate himself for it later once he fully transforms and the man he was before is a distant memory compared to the one aired by isagi yoichi. however, for now he’ll let himself be swept up in everything that is you. your taste, your scent, your whines and moans. and let you guide him through the insanity that is his eternity.