Can We Just
Can we just
Pretend we never met
And start all over?
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More Posts from Mercurialmink
Don't talk. Just walk.
Did I walk away too soon?
Could we have fixed things---
Talked it out---
Found a compromise?
After what you said,
That you didn't know what you wanted
That you wanted me on your terms
That you had "no desire to change" your behavior
It felt like the answer was clearly stated.
Because I realized then,
That, to you, I'm someone
Who's not even worth a conversation.
And that tells me
That walking away was the right choice,
Even if sometimes it still doesn't feel like it.
How Do You Fall Asleep When Your Heart Is In A Million Fucking Pieces?
They say I dodged a bullet, but why can't I believe it?
Happy Birthday
Dear big bro,
Today is your birthday. Today you would've been 30 years old, and I would've rubbed my youth in your face just to be cheeky. It's your birthday, yet it's the 5th one you haven't been alive to celebrate. Obviously, I wish you were here. I wish you had made it past 25.
If you were here today, I would watch a movie with you--any movie you would've wanted to watch. I would buy you an ice cream cake and sing happy birthday like every other year. I would even smoke a black & mild with you outside because I know how much that would've meant to you.
I would tell you how proud of you I was then--and still am now--for getting up each day and trying again even though it wasn't easy (it was excruciatingly painful). I would tell you I forgive you for the pain you caused when you were in the throes of your battle with addiction. I would tell you I love you--that I always did even when I was hurt and angry--and that I always will.
And I would also apologize for not being there for you when you needed support most. I would tell you I'm sorry that I closed myself off in my pain instead of trying to understand you.
And of course, I would thank you for being my big brother--for being such an important and beautiful part of my life.
Happy birthday, Zach.
I love you and I miss you (always).
At a certain point, I realized I couldn't try to make us work anymore. I realized I couldn't, and even more, I realized I didn't want to be the only one fighting for us any longer.
I realized I want so much more than to keep myself stuck feeling how I've felt my whole life--lonely.
So I let you go.