Midnight-weird-thoughts - Tumblr Blog

chakra sensing is a rare ability, right?

well i mean, sure, but... there are some families where its more prominent. families that have other senses thar are porentially at risk, far more than others, due to a different genetic trait.

Sharingan and albinism.

the uchiha and hatake clans are very prone to blindness because of their genetic traits or kekkei genkai, and their bodies have adapted to anticipate sensory loss by being very predisposed to chakra sensing.

the hatake often have stronger senors though, as for the uchiha its more of an eventhual inevitability. for many hatake, however, it is a fact of life. being blind so early in life forces them to adapt more completely.

a side effect of having such strong sensing so early in life, is that they become very aware of their natural afinity, becoming dangerously intune with their element.

tobirama becomes very relaxed and open around large bodies of water or during hurricanes, slipping into a deep medatative state when submerged entirely. he collects different water samples from every new place he visits because it “feels different.”

fukurama practically hoards crystals, gemstones, geodes, metals, alloys, and rocks, and very purposefully carved his konoha house into the side of the cliff face. being around the earth makes him feel level-headed and calm, saying that he’s able to think very deeply when burried in the sand.

hashirama is very aware of all the nature that surrounds him daily, and it keeps him in a constant state of loopy-cheer oblivious-forgetfulness. when in his flower garden, he “ascends from our plane of reality!” to everyone else he looks both drunk and high.

Chakra control and how it applies to different types

So I like to think about chakra alot instead of Naruto actual plot because it was going somewhere I liked and then all of a sudden became dragon ball style power leveling bullshit so I mostly just theorize about in universe mechanics and dig deeper and stuff that isn't explained past the start when I do anything n aruto related in writing

I should point out in basing alot of this off my own chakra type headcanons

I like tenten and I love her fighting style alot and I don't think she couldn't become a medical nin from any lack of chakra control on her part. I think it's probably because she's a fuinjutsu type chakra person and her chakra actively refuses to let her put it in anything with a preexisting system if chakra because it just does not vibe with that at all.

She has near perfect chakra control in terms of fuinjutsu type but because her chakra type actively avoids other chakras she couldn't be am iryonin like tsunade. This is how she pulls off crazy ass wire and scroll control stunts all the time. Looping and twisting them in unnatural ways to achieve the specific angles she wants.

Chakra control means different things to different types of chakra basically

Chakra control for fuinjutsu and genjutsu types means extremely fine manipulation of your chakra not only outside your body but inside something else for purposes like weaving genjutsu or healing someone else or maneuvering objects like puppets or in tentens case scrolls

Chakra control for taijutsu types is manipulating chakra inside your own body to achieve specific effects such as flushing your muscles of lymphic acid to keep yourself moving even longer. The highest levels of taijutsu type chakra control tends to require a lot of specific knowledge of the human body and how chakra effects specific functions of it. The highest level of taijutsu chakra control is the eight gates used by gai and lee.

Rapidly running out of steam rn so dripping this to come back to later hopefully

Midnight thoughts in genjutsu

from a mind that barely remembers naruto.

I was thinking of the differences between normal genjutsu and Sharingan fuelled genjutsu. Why one seems to be stronger than the other? How does genjutsu in itself works?

Genjutsu is the art of making illusions, and Yours Truly believes that normal genjutsu not casted by a dōjutsu works more like a mental virus, and that genjutsu casted with the aid of a dōjutsu (Sharingan, Ketsuryūgan) is more like an autoimmune disease.

Why though?

There are two types of regular genjutsu, but in my mind all types of genjutsu work kind of the same.

Regular Genjutsu inserts the caster's chakra in the castee's brain, and it twist and tangles your senses, causing the hallucinations. I think that it is very hard and not as effective as a dōjutsu because of the use of the foreign chakra, your brain and your body will notice something is *wrong* and it will try to purge it out of your body, so i think the better a caster can trick your brain into not going into STRANGER DANGER mode, the better their Genjutsu is.

Of course that only in the "convincing your brain part", because even if they do that perfectly, I think you are bound to question reality if you find a pink elephant in the middle of a valley, or, speaking about valley's, your uncanny valley might skyrocket if the caster doesn't know how to properly imitate a human face.

Unless the caster convinced you that, yes, a pink elephant appearing out of nowhere in this valley is completely normal, yep, totally okay, nothing weird here! I guess.

So what about a Genjutsu casted by a dōjutsu?

Like I said, it is more like an autoimmune disease. Instead of pushing your own alien chakra into your victim, you are actually making THEIR chakra cast the illusion on themselves, knotting their five(six?) senses, creating their own hallucinations.

You are making their chakra do the job with your own, though, I do not believe you can just control the chakra system of a rando with your goddam mind yk, makes no sense.

Of course I also think the caster with a Sharingan has to have at least some understanding of genjutsu and it's theory before being able to pull shit like Itachi off.

Alright I'm off to bed, good night supernovas!!

The Senju Kekkai Genkai

I'm pretty sure the senju kekkai genkai isn't actually mokuton, that's just a by product of their actual kekkai genkai which was proably a genetic predisposition to nature chakra.

I believe the mokuton is a specific alignment of factors that correlate to create the perfect circumstances for it to present. Namely, a water and earth nature affinity, VERY good chakra control (which is clearly a trait of the main family senju line, if hashirama, tobirama, and tsunade are any indication), AND a predisposition, or at least a learned ability, to passively absorb nature chakra (which even Naruto couldn't do, he absorbed it actively).

That would explain why the mokoton is so rare despite kekkai genkai usually being dominant genetic traits in large blood-related family groups (Uchiha, Hyuuga, Hoshigaki, etc) because even if all the senju family could passively absorb nature chakra, few of them hit the rest of the necessary factors.

Take for example Tobirama, hypothetically he hit 3 of the 4 required factors to create mokuton (water affinity, chakra control, nature chakra) but because he was missing that 1 single factor (earth affinity) his kekkai genkai presented as an incredibly powerful water affinity and skill over healing and seals*, but no mokuton.

As well as that, despite being much smaller than the Uchiha, the Senju as a whole were able to compete with them on the battlefield. If we assume the disparity caused by the Uchiha's size and kekkai genkai was being bridged by a boost from nature chakra to each individual Senju, the Senju's ability to keep up is much more feasible.

It is also generally agreed within the fandom (never officially confirmed), that when the mokuton becomes too strong, the user gets turned into a tree. Now, that sounds VERY similar to nature chakra imbalance which Naruto was threatened with when he was was learning Toad Sage Mode, adjusted to suit a Tree Sage of course.

It would also explain why so many Shinobi (Orochimaru, Madara/Zetsu) throughout the Narutoverse struggled to recreate mokuton despite having direct access to Hashirama's cells. Unfortunately, I'm not overly familiar with cellular biology, but at least with kidney transplants (with modern science) the rejection rate is about 15% (correct me if I'm wrong, I googled it), not the ridiculous 99% we see when Orochimaru attempted to recreate it under Danzo's orders. Even accounting for the likely uptick in deaths due to adjusting genetic code being considerably riskier then a simple kidney transplant, it is not unreasonable to assume that most of the transfers were probably successful. Therefore, it is possible that the 99% fatality rate was due to the sudden and overwhelming influx of nature chakra into small bodies and minds that did not know how to handle or balance the sudden intrusion. In fact, we even see this when Tenzou's neighbour eventually succumbed to the experiment, and roots and branches grew out of her. Much like the cost that is described for those that wield mokuton, and also an imbalance of nature chakra.

Finally, that would explain why Sakura doesn't have mokuton when, if the show's description of the kekkai genkai is too be believed, she definitely should. Kishimoto's explanation for mokuton is that it is a perfect balance of earth and water nature affinities which, when combined, can cause plant life and vegetation to be manipulated and grow at extraordinary rates*°. However, if this explanation is to be believed, then there is no reason why Sakura should not have mokuton. It is generally agreed (again, never confirmed) that Sakura has earth and water affinities, and her chakra control is considered one of the greatest in the history of the Shinobi nations (canonically the greatest during her time). Therefore, if we're going by kishimoto's explanation, logically, Sakura should be able to use her chakra control to balance her water and earth affinities. However, if we rather consider it with the theory that the Senju kekkai genkai is nature chakra, then Sakura suddenly needs 4 prerequisites, not just 3. And Sakura has never shown any proclivity to nature chakra, so she does not hit the last requirement.

So. Yeah. The Senju had a genetic green thumb that gave them superpowers, not just trees. I think I had more points somewhere rattling around but I've forgotten them lol. I was also going to do a TL;LD but ehhhhhhh too hard. Do with this information as you like, thank you for coming to my TED talk.

*it is generally believed that one must have a certain mental predisposition towards healing and seals to be able to fully master them. Hence why the Uzumaki were so feared, because it was quite literally impossible for any other Shinobi (even other seal masters) to master some of their work because the logical progression (seals work somewhat like code, except WHERE you put each line of code mattered almost as much as WHAT it said) was incomprehensible

*weirdly enough, hashirama's mokuton generally uses pre-existing plants and seeds to create his constructs whereas Tenzou most often creates them from himself. Perhaps less control/balance over the nature chakra? Rather then using it in the traditional sense, he has weaponised the nature chakra's own side effect? Would also explain why his mokuton is weaker and why he's never shown to have Tree Sage Mode. Could also simply be because neither had formal training and simple made the mokuton entirely their own in how they used it lol

°according to kishimoto's explanation, mokuton is more akin to a release, like D's storm release (water and wind) or Mei's lava release (earth and fire), not a true kekkai genkai which CANNOT be recreated without the necessary genetic code, much like most dojutsus', the hoshigaki's sharklike appearances and skills (although that is often argued to be more as a result of their summons), and the hozuki's naturally transformative cellular structure (which is BONKERS by the way)

Ok no cause I'm dying from the Cream au. But like can we please add that poor Pakun gets the finance Shinobi flowers with like terrible meaning so they think it's Kakashi being an ass. Instead of Pakun trying to be romantic for that stunted moron.

Also the title killed me, cause my mind instantly went from the gutter, then to thinking it was about Coffee creamers for some strange reason.

Pakkun is trying his best to help his idiot pup out but he keeps fucking up by bringing Finance Shinobi stuff like buttercups (ingratitude/unfaithfulness) or yellow carnations (disdain) or even bringing flowers that are actually really poisonous which can be a hit or a miss because yeah they're shinobi so poison is cool and all but still.

Finance Shinobi squinting at the bouquet of raggedy oleanders Pakkun delivers like "is ... is this a threat?"

You cannot tell me Sawada!Ed wouldn’t meet Reborn and Fon and get Roy and Ling flashbacks

He’d hate (and love) them on principle

No one but Al understands his immediate distaste and irritated grumblings about colonel bastards and idiot princes when their brought up

Al thinks Ed is being dramatic

Ed's very first impression of Reborn is that if this fucking baby that's obviously not an actual fucking baby lays a single fucking hand on either of his brothers then Ed is going to teach that little fucker what his own elbows taste like.

The fact that Reborn acts as smooth as that Bastard always thought he was is just icing on top of Ed's already annoyed cake.

Until, of course, Reborn accidentally changes the game by threatening Tsuna with math.

Ed has Thoughts and Emotions about Math.

So so many of them.

And, as it turns out, so does Reborn.

Things kind of devolve from there into Ed and Reborn having the most chaotic love-hate relationship.

By the time Fon shows up Ed takes one look at his permanent smile and long braid and just slams the door in his face.

Al, who is just happy that at least this time he'll get to go through whatever shenanigans they've obviously become involved in with his body intact, is just vibing in the background.

Ian Rider Was Not Training a Spy, He Was Protecting His Remaining Family the Only Way He Knew How

Ian Rider loved his nephew. It’s a given with the way he is remembered in the books and yet again with how he is portrayed in the recent show. He took every safety precaution with his nephew, the beginning of Stormbreaker meticulously goes over how Ian was a stickler for safety. Even though he was quiet and self-contained, he kept up with Alex’s schoolwork and hired Jack so he wouldn’t be alone while Ian was gone (a huge move, considering most kids whose parents are always gone for work just leave takeout in the fridge, or some microwaveable meals)

It was said Alex was a handful growing up, and suggested that the best way for him and Ian to connect was through sports. Ian, whose job was very physical, could give Alex’s energy a run for its money.

Considering the languages Ian had Alex learn is interesting in itself. Ian had the means and opportunity to teach his kid useful life skills. Children who grow up knowing more than one language tend to do better and have greater opportunities. Ian was always traveling, so having Alex learn local languages and customs makes sense on many levels. Ian making Alex argue only in certain languages, or ask for permission in others was most likely thrown in as a funny throwaway line. Examining it more, it’s a useful way to ensure Alex retained his ability to use that language when there was no one else around who could speak it.

Now, Alex’s parents were killed by Scorpia as direct retaliation for John being an MI6 spy. Both Helen and John were killed because of his job. Little Alex was saved because of an ear infection that meant he was unable to fly.

Picture this: You are Ian Rider, a single man whose brother and sister-in-law were just assassinated, and have been given guardianship over your only remaining family. A baby, your baby.

You are Ian Rider. You are also a spy, you carry the same title that got your brother and your nephew’s mother killed. You look to your last remaining family and realize that you’re all he’s got left, as much as he’s all you’ve got.

You are Ian Rider and most of your family was killed by a man they trusted.

Ian wanted Alex to always be safe, and maybe that means teaching him advanced self defense in case Ian’s job or the Rider surname ever compromised them. Maybe that means making sure he’s prepared for any situation, so that when time catches up to Ian, Alex won’t be so unprepared to save himself.

Yes, the skill sets are similar. When you fight fire with fire, you begin to notice similarities.

Finally, let’s examine who says what. It is stated by Jones that Ian was training Alex for this. Consider the source. MI6 was making plans to use Alex before Ian’s body was even cool. They wanted him bad. What better way to pull at the heartstrings of a child than to insist that this is was his recently deceased parent would have wanted. MI6 are unreliable narrators. In fact, most adult characters in the book series are shown to be unreliable narrators. Blunt and Jones play the field. They are, after all, master spies. Anything they say that is supposed to look like the truth should be taken with a whole box of salt.

A parting question: Why would Ian train his nephew for something he worked so hard to keep him away from? Ian never once let his cover story slip. Even when Alex was old enough to understand, he kept it from him. Why? Perhaps because he wanted Alex to grow up and have a normal life, and to choose a normal career. If Ian had really wanted this for Alex, there most likely would have been more career-tailored ways of going for it.

TL;DR Ian Rider love him nephew.

Something has been bugging me about the Fullmetal Alchemist Fandom

1)Amestris doesn’t represent Germany.

2)The War of Ishval isn’t ALL about racism.

Let me Explain point by point:

1) Hiromu Arakawa confirmed that Amestris is inspired by the Industrial Revolution that took place during late 1800/ early 1900…. in the UK. The architecture comes from various different countries such as the United Kingdom, the Netherlands and ALSO Germany. The whole WW2 vibe that everyone I trying to attach the story is partially misplaced and incorrect. Yes, there are some similarities, but as a European allow me to tell you that Amestris is more of a melting pot of the whole Northen Europe territory, with Briggs representing Sweden, Norway.. etc., the center resembling more the UK and Germany and the sounth being hotter and reminiscent of Italy and Greece (Even tho Greece would be Milos and Italy would be Aerugo, while Drachma is obviously Russia and Xing…. i don’t need to explain.) So in all of this where would Ishval be?

My guess links to the next point so bear with me here

2) Ishval is kind of a complicated subject. It obviously represents the Middle East but at the same time it really doesn’t. On a ethnical level yes, of coure, Scar looks much more brown than black or asian, but his clothes and the history of the whole region to me didn’t make any sense, so I dug down the rabbit hole.

Arakawa confirmed that Ishval is PARTIALLY inspired by an ancient Japanese tribe situated in Hokkaido called “Ainu”, the whole conflict about the Ishvalan race and culture is a subtle critique to how Japanese people nowadays discriminate the descendats of this tribe without any reason other than the fact that they are considered almost as savages.

Historically speaking there are 2 thing that are much closer to the Ishvalan Massacre than the Jews extarmination that took place during WW2, and those are the Armenian Genocide and the Tibetan Genocide.  

Both were (and ARE, sadly) caused by a willingness to annihilate an entire region to obtain more power and a larger territory, the racial card is just something that has been used for CENTURIES to convince the people that war was essential, to build the will to fight and the grudge necessary for the soldiers to be completely numb towards other human beings being burned, slaughterd and raped.

The reason why the Ishvalan War started was simply political. There was no racial conflict before that, there was only one reason: Ishvalans needed to be sacrificed. The government built a nice story around it to convince people that THAT was the right thing to do and it worked.

There are many scenes that show that most soldier don’t really understand why they’re there or why they’re killing people who share their same home. Many of them tried to do somenthing about it and died, others ran away from the horrors they had just witnessed. The Ishvalan War was more about understanding how dirty politics and corruption can destroy countless lives, entire nations even. Racism is a really minor part of the whole picture (still important nonetheless)

Aaaaand that’s it folks, sorry for the wall of text, but I really wanted to write this down because I think that too many people simplify the whole Amestris VS Ishval thing in a way that is too superficial. Hope that this cleared some doubts, I’m here if you wanna talk about it :D

calling all authors!!

i have just stumbled upon the most beautiful public document i have ever laid eyes on. this also goes for anyone whose pastimes include any sort of character creation. may i present, the HOLY GRAIL:

https://www.fbiic.gov/public/2008/nov/Naming_practice_guide_UK_2006.pdf

this wonderful 88-page piece has step by step breakdowns of how names work in different cultures! i needed to know how to name a Muslim character it has already helped me SO MUCH and i’ve known about it for all of 15 minutes!! i am thoroughly amazed and i just needed to share with you guys 

god please take every traumatic incident i had as a younger sibling and give it to tim drake

Simone DiMeo killing it as always

You wanna know something that's really tickling my nerves?

The way Tim Drake changed Robin's colors.

You're sad about the death of your best friend and wanna give him a tribute? Understandable.

But you don't change the colors of an identity that don't belongs to you, and that ARE ALREADY a tribute to two people who died so tragically, to do so.

That's freaking horrible, and Mary and John Grayson deserve better.

there tends to be a kind of under estimation in regards to dick’s attitude towards his parents. they’re more often used as The Reason for his path of heroism, and that’s true enough, but it’s a very focused Reason that often fails to include the actual Loving Parents. i would argue that thomas and martha wayne get more attention in regards to their loving on bruce, and in certain time traveling corners on dick as well, but it’s rare to see that kind of respect paid to john and mary grayson. the parallels we can draw between bruce and dick pretty much end after dick is taken in. we can count: loving parents; stable family structure; only child; bright future; horrific murder of parents; witness to said murder; and plot for vengeance as the core parallels between dick and bruce. where they begin to diverge is the point in which bruce becomes the guiding mentor for dick in how to channel that sense of grief and rage (though bruce had alfred, alfred played no part in diverting bruce from his self destructive path and encouraged it)

to that end, there’s a lot of talk about martha wayne’s pearls and mary grayson’s robin, but even then talk seems to only center around dick’s hero name and never what about the history the name implies. “robin stands for hope”, okay what else? martha’s pearls symbolize the catalyst for bruce’s transformation into batman, but does mary’s robin do the same? i think not, bc going back to the divergence between bruce’s and dick’s origins, though bruce remains the defining fork in the road for dick, if dick were raised in extremely similar circumstances as bruce, bruce would have more or less fulfilled the role that alfred did for bruce- which was mainly distant but caring adult figure that served to simply agree rather than direct. a reasonable conclusion, should bruce have fulfilled such a role for dick, would have been that dick should’ve become bruce #2. obviously, dick didn’t and the reason for that lies in john and mary grayson

this may ruffle some feathers, but there is a point to be made in the difference between the wayne parents and the grayson parents. let’s do some quick if thens: if alfred was left in charge of bruce, then alfred holds some responsibility in how bruce turned out. if bruce grew up to be someone emotionally closed off, then bruce is an emotionally distant, closed off adult. if bruce is an emotionally distant, closed off adult, then it stands to reason alfred reflects the same. so, if bruce and alfred are both emotionally distant, closed off adults, then when they take in dick grayson, dick will grow up to be an emotionally distant, closed off adult. right?

well, we all know that’s not how it turned out, and all reason for such a conclusion reside solely in the short time john and mary grayson raised their son. “but bruce had about the same time with his own parents. why did he and dick turn out so different?” and again i point directly at the implied differences in the wayne’s and grayson’s child rearing! the waynes represented a very nuclear family, one that is generationally upper class and in very prominent leadership positions. tracking the assumed and typical rearing patterns for that kind of family, though it may be a foundationally loving one, it’s also one that is radically different from the type the graysons represented. power and job structure rested solely with thomas and martha; bruce had very very little to worry about or any responsibilities other than making good grades and being a generally good son. comparing such a dynamic to the graysons, the power lines begin to blur a little. john and mary are employees, not leaders or heads of anything. however, they work in an extremely team oriented and cooperative environment- their earnings depend on everyone and themselves. though a prominent act in haly’s circus, they are not a completely solo one, and even then, it is a team, FAMILY act. since his birth, dick has been raised in an environment that focuses heavily on teamwork and perseverance. he took on enormous responsibility in being a part of the flying graysons, which likely wasn’t something he was being forced to do, young as he was. taking on a JOB as young as 9 years old, one that tests his physical, mental, and emotional strength sets him drastically apart from bruce when he was the same age. but let’s go back to john and mary again

no parent on earth would ever want to put their child in such a dangerous position as performing on the trapeze. and yet, john and mary did. why? dick’s initiative and his parents’ trust and strength. if john and mary believed that they lacked in some way that could put dick in harms way, i find it impossible to believe they would have ever let dick join them. dick did not learn his strength and endurance from bruce. dick already possessed those qualities before meeting him, otherwise dick would have never become robin and joined batman so quickly. the graysons set an ENORMOUS example for dick, one that set the tone for the rest of his life. taking into account the “it takes a village” familial structure that dick was raised in while with haly, dick would have learned that the strength of individuals COMBINED is what makes a person strong. even the formation of the flying graysons relies on trust in each other, that they will be caught in the next leap and that they can do these amazing stunts without fear of failure BECAUSE of the Faith they have in each others abilities. in addition to that, an environment that encourages strength and teamwork must also encourage FAILURE. one cannot learn from perfection- only through mistakes does one grow, and dick grew EXPONENTIALLY. dick grew, at the age of 9, to PRODIGY levels of talent and acrobatics. john and mary set an example so strong and so steadfast that it fostered dick’s stone-solid character for the rest of his life, even after they were gone from it

dick would have not survived his parents’ deaths were it not for the way they had raised him. it is why dick can move on and grow from it, whereas, as we’ve seen a dozen dozen times, bruce has failed to ever move on. coddled and adored as he was, bruce never had to face a challenge that his parents wouldn’t have gladly taken care of for him. the waynes did everything for their son because they loved him enormously, and what parent in the world would force their child to do difficult things- especially at 10 years old? of course bruce never had to confront things like failure or hardship before, his circumstances in life simply wouldn’t have allowed for it, and that is why bruce was so incapable of handling his parents’ deaths. thomas and martha did not prepare bruce for difficulties in any department, whereas john and mary introduced problems AND solutions to dick very early on. the SOLUTIONS bit is what set up dick for so much success- that’s the key difference between the two. dick had both parents AND guides, while bruce just had parents

dick would not have become a light in the world while with bruce were it not for john and mary grayson and their love and dedication towards their son. the credit for dick’s achievements as a hero may fall to bruce most of the time, but even bruce recognizes that he had zero part in the formation of dick’s strength of character. dick’s continued success and perseverance has EVERYTHING to do with those first 9 years he was with john and mary, and not a single one of the innumerable tragedies dick has endured has ever been able to disavow that

Am I interested in Dick Grayson's innovativeness and how that makes him a terrifying opponent?

Nah, not really, no, it's no- EXCEPT THAT I AM!

I love your analysis and honestly, I always surf through the dick Grayson tag once a day to see if u have posted. Pls drop the innovatiness wala analysis. I would absolutely eat it up

ADSAJHFGAJLHADJLHA YOU CAN'T SEDUCE ME LIKE THAT-MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT!

But I am here to deliver *bows*

Let's start this off with a bang

Dick is completely naked except for a towel and with one (well defined) leg he hooks the handle of the beer bucket and sends it smashing into Midnighter to stop him from using the knife on another person.

Pure. Fucking. Platinum.

That move was so delicious, there's an ease-fluidity-grace-to that split second movement. Also notice how accurate his aim is despite swinging it with the arc of his toes. The bucket slammed right into the medulla oblongata, or more specifically the pyramidal tracts which are crucial for controlling voluntary muscular movements. Nerves from the brain cross over at that area as they go down and then synapse onto other nerves that are responsible for controlling muscles when they leave the spinal cord. The precision at which he aimed the bucket is glorious. And with what? His feet.

The only reason Midnighter wasn't injured is because he is a meta which is the point. Otherwise Dick wouldn't have aimed there unless he was fighting an enemy.

Oh that brings me to my next point.

Dick has extraordinary control of his actions

He's so right though. Nightwing doesn't need to kill because fighting is too easy for him. I swear he has some kind of messed up idea (aside from his need to be absolutely good) that killing someone with a gun would take the joy out of fighting. He loves to live life on the hardest mode only.

The rapid fire throw of the gun, calculating the distance, time, velocity of return, and angle? I mean I studied physics and calculating even half of that on paper is a headache. The fact that he did it in one second? It's extraordinary. Things that are pure, dumb luck to literally everyone else is carefully calculated at a speed faster than light, making it look like luck. Damn.

Yeah.

Forget Slade. Midnighter is my new favorite nemesister.

DO YOU SEE WHAT HE FOUGHT WITH?! WHILE DEATHSTROKE AND BLACK ADAM WERE FIGHTING WITH META POWERS AND A CURSED SWORD, HE FUCKING WRAPPED CHAINS AROUND HIMSELF LIKE A BOSS AND WHIPPED THE SHIT OUT OF THAT MAN.

Please take a moment of silence to relish in this sight.

Dick's innovativeness is a formidable skill when fighting allies.

Dick and Ras are evenly matched in sword fighting.

Wait, wait. I don't need any doubts about Dick's strength in sword fighting so I'm going to include a couple panels here:

Dick fights Azrael to a standstill which is absolutely incredible because Azrael solos. He's gone through many upgrades and skills and is one of the best fighters ever. He's even defeated Bruce.

He also defeated Jason and Tim together in Batman and Robin Eternal.

This is just another point towards the fact that Dick actually won in his fight against Bruce before going into Spyral. They weren't holding back.

Oh yeah. Ra's vs Dick panel, Dick and Ra's aren't going anywhere because Dick is a swordsman equivalent to one of the best in the world. So how do you win a draw? By one upping the opponent. He swings his foot up in midair and completely defeats him. "But that isn't a defeat...Ra's just stopped fighting!" It was complete defeat because Ra's is intelligent and knows when he can't win. Also they have been fighting for a while until they reached the breaking point in the battle. This move is a show of how Dick has that just one inch more that will lead him to be a victor.

Ra's honors Dick so much he tried to give the sword he used to fight with Batman because he thinks Dick is worthy of it. Can anyone receive a higher honor than this from that man?

He'll also use the broken glass of a car window to take down his opponent. If that's not innovation, then what is?

But one last thing since a car door cannot be considered innovative these days.

sticks. He literally took two twigs off the ground to use as weapons against his highly skilled, one of the best assassins, great-grandfather who is fighting with daggers in his hands and all over his body.

But you know the best part?

He draws his opponent to a tie. A tie? Not a win? No it was win after, considering he used his relative's falling body as a launching pad in the middle of the air when they were falling off the bridge to grab onto the bridge with the help of his friend. So it was his win but it's insane how incredible Dick's skills are.

It's really innovative because who thinks of using twigs and winning? Let me also clarify another point. Dick could've used the knives he'd gotten from his talon suit and thoroughly won because when he was brain washed he almost killed Red Condor from how skilled he was but he conscientiously chose to use twigs. In a sword fight. This man.

His improvisation is an asset that many have come to know him for and classify him as dangerous because he can fight with anything, anywhere, and win.

Something I want to end with. Dick only fights people who are stronger than him. I know he's fought mob characters and stuff but his enemies? They are all metas, assassins, skilled fighters, Russian Black Ops, and more. Essentially, people who are the top of the class in their categories and him defeating them equally and fairly is the reason why he has the respect of his enemies. He's just that good.

honestly? the one that really gets me is that bruce just kinda assumes that dick will drop everything to take care of the family when things happen to him. and because of that, he’s never grateful when he does.

like in 2009 when batman got himself fuckin nerfed, and dick dropped EVERYTHING. his mantle, his city, his teams, everything he cared about, and moved back to gotham to keep bruce’s life going. took in his feral kid that murdered and spent all his time disrespecting him, dealt with jason going off the richter, actually improved batman’s relationship with the gcpd (with multiple officers saying they preferred the new, kinder batman), and just kept the family together in general, as best he could. all while it destroyed him. he wasnt sleeping, he wasnt in contact w any of his friends, he was injured CONSTANTLY, and his team mates were furious with him. and he just sat there and bore it all. he did his best and he fucking succeeded. then batman came back and told him none of it was good enough. tim should still be robin, even tho it was a) dicks mantle to pass on and b) the only way to integrate damian healthily into the family and society. that he was too soft even tho he put a REAL dent in crime and was congratulated for it by commissioner gordon. he lead the jla, kept the business going, and the only person that was harmed here was himself. and the first thing he did was yell at dick that he didnt have what it takes and didnt do a good enough job, and that was exactly what he had expected to happen. because he knew he was flimsy and weak, even tho dick had proven himself the exact opposite.

like. can we talk about how dick is always willing to throw everything away for bruce or the family. that the second he doesnt come through the love is withdrawn (a lá nightwing year one and like. a bunch of other arcs) and hes terrified of that. like he would go to the ends of the earth for bruce and he doesnt care. he just expects that of dick. and so do the kids, i cant count the number of times tim has just assumed that dick will be there, and called him sloppy when he isnt. the number of times jason has derided his devotion as bootlicking. ive just. ive had enough

For that matter, I also kinda wish we saw more of like….characters during the time period Dick was believed dead, looking at Bruce’s behavior and feeling it was just plain WEIRD given how it differed from his behavior after Jason and Damian’s deaths. Did nobody really go….hey, something is fucked up here, that Bruce hardly seems phased that Dick’s dead, when he completely lost his shit the two previous times his sons died?

Tbh, most of my issues with the reactions of various characters to Dick’s return, like….a lot of it has to do with how they made themselves out to be the victims of HIS callous lies or whatever, with zero regard to what he’d suffered and what all of that had cost him, yes, true. 

But beyond that, a large gripe of mine is how none of their reactions led to any kind of….awareness about their own past histories with Dick and the double standards they held within their own personal dynamics with him.

The way Jason punched Dick and gave him shit for letting him believe he was dead, that Jason mourned him, grieved for him, that you just don’t do that to your brother, to another Robin….but nowhere in canon or fanon did this ever lead to Jason reflecting on his and Dick’s history together and from this and his experiences here, like….revising his impression of the time HE was believed dead and what Dick must have felt and gone through….when for several years, Jason was off training with the League while Dick still believed him dead, still mourned him, grieved for him, even though Jason could have at any point revealed to him that he was alive.

The way Tim judged Dick for doing what they all would have expected Bruce to do, but never Dick to do…..but nowhere in canon or fanon did this ever lead to Tim reflecting on their past conflicts and examining past expectations he’d held that had led to problems between them. Like the fact that Tim historically has a hard time accepting any loved ones’ deaths, especially in light of how often heroes come back from the dead, and all of that was a huge part of what he cited as his problem with Dick not believing him about Bruce being alive….and yet none of that behavior was on display in Tim’s own reaction to being told Dick was dead. 

There was no sign of Tim ever having doubts about Dick being dead, searching for alternative explanations, when the one he and the others were given had to be extremely flimsy at best, just to begin with. That there was no hint of Tim ever having considered going to extreme lengths to bring Dick back, like when he’d tried to clone Kon, or contemplated using the Lazarus Pit to revive his parents, or tirelessly searched around the globe for proof that Bruce was alive even when all he really had at first was a hunch and was looking for anything he could hold up as evidence he was right, when pretty much no one believed him.

The way Barbara said Dick Grayson managed to disappoint her yet again…..but nowhere in canon or fanon did this ever lead to Barbara asking herself or explaining to anyone else just what the hell has Dick ever done to her that counts as such a massive disappointment that her first reaction to seeing one of her oldest friends alive and back from the dead is disappointment, rather than celebration? And that similarly, nowhere in canon or fanon did this ever get examined in reverse, to ask if Barbara has ever been the one disappointing Dick instead - did he maybe hope for her to take his side when Bruce fired him, instead of Barbara continuing to work alongside Batman and offer no actual objection to Bruce giving away a name and title she knew didn’t belong to him, to give out to someone else? 

In fanon mergings of timelines, did he maybe resent her for sending him away when Firefly burned down his circus, or other times he tried turning to her but got rebuffed? Again, nothing about Barbara’s reaction, just like Jason and Tim’s, ever led to an honest examination of their dynamic or deepening of it by acknowledging that things are a two way street - instead it was just accepted, noted and moved past, all at face value: Dick’s return after being believed dead was obviously just evidence of him having disappointed her yet again - without even mention of what those previous disappointments on this level were supposed to have been.

Like, I’m just saying….post-Spyral is hardly the only time I think the characters have been too quick to view their dynamics with Dick as a one way street, and them somehow always the ones who are being subjected to his actions, and never the other way around…..but it is one of the most evident examples of it, IMO, and how rarely its picked up on…let alone capitalized on as an opportunity to explore the reverse for a change.

Tim is the fandoms sad white boi fav, which is why there's so many ppl rushing to defend him over every other character😂. Like idk if you read fic but I can't look thru any batfam character tag w/out tripping over 500+ ~uwu sad boy tim~ fic's abt how the entire family is SO mean to him, everyone ABANDONED him, +a weird focus on how insecure he is, how much he ~doubts his place~ when like. . . He was pretty full of himself in Canon??? Idk but Tim stans r wild 😖

lmao…i really don’t want this blog turning into a tim drake hate blog i promise! Because there are things that I like about his original character, like how he wasn’t really naturally athletically gifted so he had to train a ton and work really hard and use trickery/cunning to even out the battlefield for himself, and he really holds his own. (Not that I’m trying to say he is incompetent, just compared to the superhuman level of the batfam and the hero community, he doesn’t really have a natural aptitude and I like how his hardwork has paid off). 

But. I’ve seen so many posts talking about Dick, Jason, and Damian’s flaws (people are constantly harping on Dick’s temper, etc. and everyone acknowledges that Damian was/is a brat and that Jason goes around killing people sometimes and isn’t exactly stable, but we all love these characters anyway) but I have seen like. Practically no one criticizing Tim, and even on the posts that I see taking Tim down a peg or two, the majority of the notes are just people explaining his flaws away (there are of course exceptions to this I assume, I’m just talking about what I’ve seen in my little corner of tumblr dot com). 

So yeah, what I’m saying is that Tim is very condescending (and with that condescension pretty sexist [x]) and sometimes, he sees people more as chess pieces for him to use and disregards the fact that they are people with feelings and emotions (like Bruce in this way). He spends a lot of his time as Robin trashing Jason in his head for being reckless as Robin (to be fair, DC really had an agenda to try to take the blame for Jason’s death off Bruce and put it onto the victim for some reason and Tim was a convenient mouthpiece, but still. Tim was very consistent in his thoughts towards Jason) and saying that he’ll do better. Which doesn’t exactly scream insecurity. He goes around having a girlfriend while also kissing Spoiler/Stephanie multiple times, which is a pretty freakin messy situation that no one talks about huh? (yet neither of these girls find out so once again Tim escapes any actual canon punishment). 

And with the Damian stuff, people like to act like Tim is totally in the right, but I can’t get over the initial stuff with them. Like, Bruce tells Tim that Damian was brutalized and brainwashed in the League and deserves compassion and love and Tim flat out says ‘he should earn it’. (This is just meeting Damian, before any physical confrontation). Damian is like 10 in his first appearances and I just can’t get over how much Tim lacked any sense of empathy for Damian here. A lot of their rivalry is Damian instigating, true. But he is a ten year old who doesn’t know any other way of life. Tim is freaking college age and he always seems to scoff at Damian’s progress and disregard his feelings (like with the whole putting him on a contingency list in Red Robin). 

Look, sorry to really go into Tim like this, I know he has good qualities and his own traumas too. You could make a list of bad choices/decisions for any character (and people have for all the other people in the Batfam). But it is frustrating how fanon and even canon don’t hold Tim accountable for any of his mistakes or flaws. Like, Dick acts like Batman and everyone is calling him out for it. The Titans, Batfam, and even Tim explicitly tell Dick to stop acting like Bruce/Batman a ton. But Tim acts like Batman and everyone gives him a pat on the back. Why. I think that Tim is and would be a much more interesting character if we took his flaws into account and let him struggle with them, like we do with Damian’s superiority complex. Like, the reason that Tim can sometimes come off as a bland Gary Stu is because they don’t let him have any flaws or let him make any mistakes. So yeah anon, those are my two cents on the situation. 

consider: teenagers aren’t apathetic about everything they’re just used to you shitting all over whatever they show excitement about

I feel like people really underestimate the importance of Dick being the first Robin. Like, reverse Robin AUs are interesting and such, but I just hope people realize that in the context of canon, they would never work. The reason Batman and Robin ever works is because the first Robin was Dick Grayson specifically. Because Bruce would never have taken in any child if Dick's tragedy hadn't specifically happened to mirror his own experience. Dick Grayson was the only one Bruce truly saw himself in first, because the fundamental event that defines them is the same. And he sees the opportunity to help someone the way he was never helped, to make sure that Dick didn't go down the dark path he did. So, my point here is that the only one Bruce actually made the choice to take in, the only one who could kickstart it all, is Dick Grayson, because he is the only one with whom Bruce could immediately empathize and connect with.

This never happened with any other Robin. He took in Jason because he missed Dick, he took in Tim because Tim forced himself into the role, he took in Steph because he was trying to make Tim come back to being Robin, and Dick made Damian Robin. Of course, he loved all of them, and they all have their unique relationships with Bruce that are very important and inform their characters, and he does need them too. But he specifically formed this connection with Dick that made Dick the only person he ever considered taking in. It took a very specific set of circumstances in Dick's backstory that made Bruce commit an impulse adoption that just isn't really present in any other Robin's story. And the reason Jason or Tim or Steph or Damian or anyone else whom Bruce has taken under his wing even got that chance is because of the work Dick Grayson put into Bruce Wayne.

Before Dick, Bruce was reckless and didn't care at all about himself, to the point of almost being borderline suicidal. He was more brutal, more violent, etc. The reason all this changed, is because of Dick Grayson specifically. He was the one with whom Bruce opened up, with whom Bruce was forced to grow up, to take responsibility and learn to take care of both Dick and himself. Dick, to Bruce was the one who brought "color to their [his and Alfred's] monochrome lives." Dick Grayson's specific brand of happiness and joy changed Bruce for the better. Dick gave Bruce hope. This is true for other Robins too, but only because they followed the precedent that Dick Grayson set, only because they slid into his role (they have their own interesting relationships with Bruce, but this specifically is from Dick that other Robins carried on. A legacy, if you will). Dick Grayson turned Bruce into the kind of man who would become a serial adopter.

Without his influence, without his precedent, there would be no Batfamily, because Bruce would never have gotten to the point where he would be able or willing to take in someone else and care for them properly (It took living through his trauma again to get him to take Dick in lmao). Hell, there would be no Batman because Bruce would have gotten himself killed a long time ago if Dick hadn't helped him learn self-care. Dick knows Bruce best, because he understands him on a fundamentally deeper level than anyone else in the world. And he's the only one who can make Bruce open up at his rawest, most downtrodden state. He is the only one who can give Bruce at his lowest that kind of hope. There is no Robin without Dick Grayson. It's literally a tribute to his parents, using their colors and the name his mother called him. He created that identity as a symbol of hope. He helped Bruce become the kind of man who could and would let other people that he had to care for into his life. Without Dick Grayson, you can simply forget about any other Robin or the Batfamily as a concept even existing.

Stuck on the idea of vampires as a kind of reverse fae, or like someone's twisted, perverse attempt at moulding humans into fae.

They're repelled by liminal spaces.

A vampire could never enter fairyland, not just because they'd never be welcomed, but because most of the usual entry-ways are naturally barred to them.

They can't cross running water. They can't be seen in mirrors. They will wait forever at a crossroads, unable to pick a direction to go in. They can't even step over a thresh-hold unless there is absolutely no ambiguity about whether they are welcome inside.

They crave human blood, iron and salt, but are repelled by herbs and plants. They are supernaturally prevented from harming you unless the rules of hospitality have been invoked.

A fairy may replace your newborn child with something unnatural and ever-hungry. A vampire will do the same, but with your grandmother's corpse.

The fae are typically associated, even in stories where they're the bad guys, with flourishing and purity. Vampires, even in stories where they're the good guys, are typically associated with decay and corruption.

The fae turn ancient human burial mounds into fancy halls for their courts. Vampires take ancient human castles and let them grow mildewed and cobwebbed, exchanging the beds for coffins, turning them into burial places.

Fae don't tend to live among humans, but can generally pass for them with relative ease if they so choose. Vampires nearly always live among humans, but tend to find not revealing themselves a huge struggle.

I can't think of many stories I've read where fae and vampires even exist in the same universe, let alone ones where they actively interact. I feel like their enmity is almost more inevitable than that between vampires and werewolves, however.

The rivalry between vampires and werewolves is, essentially, the rivalry between two apex predator species who share a territory. (Even in stories where the werewolves aren't actually hunting humans.)

The vampires hate the werewolves because the werewolves interfere with their access to prey. The werewolves hate the vampires either because they consider themselves aligned with humans (the prey species), or because they are also predators and the vampires are competing with them.

By comparison, I think there's some story potential in the fae finding something genuinely creepy and uncanny valley about vampires.

They're immortal, like them, but also dead. They can be beautiful, like them, but that beauty is something they actively require humans to sustain. They like to inhabit beautiful and ancient ex-human dwellings, like them, but they actively work to make those places dark, damp and empty.

Fairies who are unflappable in the face of all sorts of Otherworldly monsters, can look an eldritch horror in the eye(s) without blinking, and have never been phased yet by any human, but will recoil from even the weakest vampire.

Vampires who hate fairies just as much, but in a more envious way. The way that the creature for whom immortality is a curse is bound to hate the creatures for whom immortality is an eternity of sunlight and laughter.

Maybe their touches burn each other. Maybe vampires can't stand physical contact with anything so alive and vital. Maybe immortal fairies become ill from too much exposure to the undead.

Maybe they fight over the human population when their territories overlap. The fairy need for servants and people to make deals with, competing with the vampire need for thralls and blood to drink.

Just… fairies and vampires. We need more stories about them interacting.

I will say, it is so fun thinking about the Waynes and their relationship with food. But specifically Bruce.

We get such little light shed on the Waynes before the Big Terrible happened. Like. How were Wayne dinners like?

Were they terribly posh and quiet with small moments of fun thrown in? Was Alfred scolding Thomas for telling a star eyed Bruce unnecessarily gory details from a surgery?

Did Martha help Bruce break into the cookie jar? Was there a lovely, playful gossip about Bruce's loud classmates and his adorable crush on Gray Ghost?

Because I like that! But I'd also like it to be a complete juxtaposition.

I want Bruce to talk about his family, to his children, with a smile that could melt the sun. I want him to tell them about the noise.

How the Wayne manor was permanently flooded with a noise and boister that could rival a packed 5 star kitchen.

How Thomas always cooked with a dry cigarette in his mouth, arguing with uncle Jacob about forks of all things.

Why were they smudged, why were they placed randomly and not organised with militaristic precision, while Martha watched with the fondest annoyance.

How Thomas would cuss filthy in Italian only when Bruce was around and only Oz could understand him, long before he was the Penguin, long before Bruce was Batman.

"It's about culture. Not that you'd understand, Jakey."

And uncle Jacob never entertained his father for long. He'd throw a dirty look, his obsidian eyes sharp as a switchblade, and mutter a 'bitch' in Russian, while Alfred sat there judging them both.

The Waynes were chaos with heartbeats. And Bruce's favorite event at these diners? The food fights. It's always uncle Philip who started them.

"Wow, Jay eating steak. Never thought I'd see this day."

" It's venison."

" Vinison?" Thomas would finally take a break from his unlit cigarette, holding Bruce in his lap like a king would a prized cat.

A collective sigh rang among the table. They knew what was coming. " What are you, fuckin' crazy? That's fuckin' cannoli, dipshit."

"With vinison."

"Jacob."

" Tom."

"Martha."

" Honey."

" You come into my house, not knowing what a goddam cannoli is? Fuck are you gonna tell me next, you don't put garlic in your Carbonara? I mean."

" Garlic is disgusting."

And Thomas would cover Bruce's ears like that's the most offensive thing uncle Jacob could utter at Thomas Wayne's table. And Uncle Oz agreed. Their favorite pastime was ganging up on Martha's oldest brother.

And it starts off as something minuscule and petty and mutates in something loud and ugly and breathtaking.

Bruce would watch with an open mouth in Alfred's lap, as his father's neck popped with veins, and uncle Jacobs pale complexion would blush something angry as the skin of his throat thinned from yelling.

"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, YOUR PRESIDENT IS A VODKA DRINKING, BALDING, COMMIE PIECE OF SHIT."

"YOU'RE AMERICAN. "

" I CANT HELP THAT, I WAS BORN LIKE THAT!"

And it wasn't a true Saturday dinner unless Thomas didn't leap across the table, running over all the food to smash whatever dish into Jacobs face.

But truly, the best part, was watching them go from fight dogs to eating outside in time-out. As different as his father and uncle were, they could always find agreement on one topic:

Defying Martha Wayne was painfully stupid.

They'd share a cigarette and eat in silence, which was as friendly as they'd ever get. But he loved it. Bruce loved Saturday dinner.

And when the batkids start the fighting tradition on Saturdays, Bruce thinks they do, too.

I want (Margo Robbie) Harley Quinn and (Robert Pattinson) Batman to be best friends. I want them to have sleepovers where they do each other’s makeup and paint each other’s nails. I want them riding in the Batmobile and Harley switches the radio from Nirvana to hyperpop, much to Battinson’s chagrin. I want her to give him advice on asking out Selina while he beats the shit out of Joker for hurting his bestie. Platonic grumpy/sunshine at its best.

My favorite thing about Matt Reeves' and Robert Pattinson's interpretation of Batman is that you can see just how well this guy would slot into a family.

Nearly every other Batman adaptation in cinemas (barring Lego Batman) could never fit the Batfamily into their stories. They lack the empathy inherent in the core of Batman's persona. The man is obsessive, brooding, self-destructive, and dauntless. He's a broken genius consumed by his singular goal in saving as many lives as he can.

Snyder's Batman? Nolan's Batman? The campy Batmans of the 80's and 90's? None of them have that hidden, integral kindness that grounds Bruce Wayne.

This grimy, emo, grunge, wet, cryptid Battinson? He radiates anger and fear in equal parts. This guy is vengeance.

He's also such a bleeding heart. He never says it and rarely is he called out on it, but you can feel without any ounce of dialogue that this Batman would never kill. Even an indirect kill would horrify this Batman.

Batman treats life, every single life, as sacred. From the paragon of virtue that is Clark, to the most reviled monster masquerading as a man, to the only do what it takes to survive like Selina; this guy sees every life as worthy of a second chance.

Batman's the type of guy to reinstate Harley's doctorate and give her a show to thrive in. He's the type of guy who would defy all common sensibilities to defend a rogue alien like Kara. He's a paranoid wreck, but his faith in others is also endless.

Battinson is the type of guy to take in a grieving, lost, circus orphan and give him a new shot at life and family. He's the type to be impressed by a Gothamite rat who has the guts to steal his wheels and bring him under his wing. To build up a young spirit who has been inspired by his intellect and reputation.

The Batfamily is integral to the Gotham Mythos, and only Battinson (and ofc Lego Batman) have the heart to manage it.

Battinson and the JL ft. His Eventual Identity Reveal

(If you’re just here for the cutesy bits, skip to Attempt #2. Otherwise, STRAP IN CUZ IT’S A LOT)

Bruce Wayne of Matt Reeves’ The Batman is not the founder type.

He wouldn’t voluntarily join a book club, much less join a league of super powered vigilantes whom he does not know personally.

So in this universe, you probably wouldn’t call him one of the three Founding members.

But he’s still integral to the formation of the Justice League

It starts out with a friendly visit :)

Bruce is patrolling on a random night in Gotham when he notices a weird thing in the sky. It’s floating just far enough behind him that a less vigilant person wouldn’t have noticed, but Bruce is always watching his own back, and he takes it as a threat.

He strays from his usual path and then heads to a warehouse roof before turning to face the threat.

It’s Superman. All smiley and dressed in primary colors. The strongest, most powerful being on Earth just floating over like he wasn’t stalking Batman a second ago. Bruce does not like that.

“What do you want with Gotham?” He asks. “I don’t,” Superman says. “I wanted to talk to The Batman.” So this is some kind of fight? An intervention? A warning? Then Superman frowns. “You…are The Batman, right?”

Bruce only nods as he considers his options, but he can’t really do that when Superman has super speed, super sight, super strength, super breath, super lots-of-things-that-Batman-probably-doesn’t-know-of.

Then Superman surprises him by landing on the roof and giving him this pitch about a superhero group.

Superman and a few other vigilantes have been bouncing around the idea of teaming up together so they can help one another protect their cities. And The Batman was a “perfect candidate.”

“I’m not joining your club.” “It’s not a club. It’s a league.” “What’s your mission statement, then?” “A what?” Bruce fights the urge to roll his eyes. He still doesn’t trust this guy. “Take your league idea back to the drawing board then we can talk.” He does not intend on talking.

But two months later, Superman is back. This time, he brings another super powered vigilante named Wonder Woman.

She smiles, politely approaches him, and says “Superman tells me you want to learn more about our league.” That is not what he said, but he doesn’t bite.

Bruce can’t decide which they remind him of more: college recruiters or cult leaders. But because Wonder Woman genuinely seems to care about seeing this project through, and the roster she has of current like-minded vigilantes is impressive, he lets her talk.

And to give her credit, she definitely thought out the logistics more. It almost makes up for the time they’re wasting.

Okay, fine. They’re still way behind on concept, and it’s pitiful. He actually feels bad.

They obviously care! They just have no idea how to run a business like he does. Is it a bit cynical to think of this league of Justice as a business? Yes, but that’s the only way he can even conceive this happening and working.

Bruce asks about their organization’s leadership structure, and that’s when Wonder Woman falters a bit. “We want to work with each other, not for.” Bruce bites his tongue on that subject.

He asks about their scope of work. “We want to help as many people as we can, but that can be ironed out later.” Bruce bites his tongue on that subject.

He asks “Who’s funding this?” She answers, “We have a few members willing to pitch in, but the majority will have to come from generous citizens.” And that’s when he just stops asking questions. Because what?

If he could cry the grease paint off, he would.

They can’t just think every super-powered vigilante is going to sing Kumbaya and braid each other’s hair. There needs to be checks and balances within the organization to avoid tyranny and corruption. They need a reliable source of donations (that doesn’t immediately out Bruce.) They need a proper chain of command. They need to map out their area of responsibility. They need to design a VERY strict vetting process. It’s not sunshine and rainbows. It’s hard work!

So he says he’ll think about it again and complains to Alfred about the weird super stalkers.

But for SOME reason, Alfred doesn’t see the problem

Alfred encourages him to join so he can “make some friends.” But how can he trust these people if they can’t even make a half-decent pitch? It’s like a bad episode of Shark Tank.

And “make friends?” They’re all masked

But after a week of gentle nudging (read: very firm lectures), Bruce agrees. ONLY to keep tabs on the rest of the vigilante world and possible threats to Gotham

(And without his help, they’ll probably butt-dial Lex Luthor the nuclear codes or something)

And he is damn well going to figure out who these people really are before he helps them make a Super Organization.

Alfred figures out about half of their secret identities purely as a brain exercise while Bruce is out fighting crime and collecting head injuries like Pokémon cards. They figure out the rest together.

They also develop contingency plans for every single member. Just in case.

And after months of Batman being visited by random vigilantes, whom he has several choice words for about personal space—“This is my city. Go away.”—he accepts. On several conditions.

Not all of them are appreciated.

Attempt #1: “Making Friends”

After several scheduling conflicts, a lot of prep work, and a really good hype session in front of the mirror, Bruce heads on over to the first official meeting.

Batman arrives with a long list of things they need to do before going public. The first thing on the list?

Write A Mission Statement

What the fuck are they actually trying to do? Bruce thinks this is a great starting point.

And you’d think (you’d think) this Justice League thing would be easier to tolerate than the drawn-out exec meetings he has to sit through with boring, old businessmen who keep delaying things so they can hash out every little detail.

To Bruce’s absolute horror, he BECOMES the boring businessman who’s delaying things so they can hash out every little detail. He misses the boring, old businessmen. At least they knew what they were doing.

Every turn, he is argued with.

“Why do we need a mission statement?” “‘Power Structure’ feels authoritarian. Can’t we just share leadership duties?” “Do we really need this much paperwork?”

Bruce has the audacity to say, “We need to develop some sort of protocol that helps us analyze any possible threat.” But no. “Why can’t I just jump in? I have eyes.” “Jumping in without studying an opponent’s behavior could cause more harm than good,” he insists. “So what? I’m going to watch an alien monster go on a rampage through my city instead of fighting it?” “Yes. You don’t know what it’s capable of.”

Bruce already regrets joining.

All he hears is the others gossiping. “Is this guy really telling us how to be heroes?” “He’s got a major stick up his ass.” “I knew we shouldn’t have let him join.” And if that doesn’t dissuade him, he doesn’t know what will.

“How was the first meeting?” Alfred asks. Bruce scowls. “I’m not making friends.”

Nonetheless, Bruce sticks it out for weeks until they have some semblance of an organization. And, to his shock and amazement, it…kind of works.

The Justice League makes its debut, and Wayne Enterprises generously donates some money “out of spite” after Lex Luthor publicly denounces the league. (Honestly, Bruce would too if he hadn’t personally duct-taped it together himself.)

But the league starts small, just like he told them, they respond to natural disasters and public safety threats first (as per the outreach initiative) and focus on protecting communities in need (as per the mission statement.)

Yes, they still think Batman has a stick up his ass because he’s a stickler for writing incident reports, but no one else reads them so he has the right to be pissed.

He’s almost kind of sort of content with how it’s going. Even his reputation as a vigilante is improving.

That’s when another glaring difference between him and the other members appears.

Despite looking the same age as the rest of the team, Bruce is actually much younger?? Even excluding the aliens, gods, etc.

Most of his teammates are in their late 30’s, early 40’s. Meanwhile, Bruce is at the ripe age of 29 and a half.

He is the youngest by ten years.

Everyone kind of just assumes he’s the same age, though, so they make references to 80’s kids stuff that he only vaguely understands through Alfred and his business partners. He just sits there in silence like a child who snuck over to the adult table and is waiting to get caught.

So on top of the rift he (accidentally) created when they started the organization, it’s even harder to connect through similar interests. Other than punching people together.

And Bruce Wayne has a bad case of imposter syndrome when it comes to their superpowers.

He’s always in the corner brooding, and everyone’s like ummm antisocial much?

But 50% of the time, it’s because he’s thinking “I’ll never amount to the incredible heroic feats everyone else has accomplished. How can I possibly make a difference to the world if I’m already struggling to save Gotham?” Like a little emo freak 🖤

(Meanwhile, you couldn’t pay those mf’s to step foot in Gotham. This Bat guy’s crazy and he’s human apparently?! No way. Nuh uh.)

The OTHER 50% of his “brooding” is Bruce standing to the side with a mixture of concern and judgment because his teammates’ competency in certain areas is…alarmingly low sometimes.

One week, he finds himself thinking, “How do these grown-ass adults not know their way around a digital map? They’re 40, not geriatric.”

Then like a week later, it’s “These fucking war fossils don’t even know Morse code. I gotta do everything around here.”

One of the final straws is when he says, “Did they just break another fucking Keurig? Who does that, Alfred? It’s the fifth one.”

Suffice it to say, he’s not very personable. But is it his fault? Well yeah, a little bit. Like……..65% his fault.

(The remaining 35% is their moaning and groaning whenever Batman calls a meeting.)

Bruce’s irritation is totally justified.

God, he just wants to go home.

Why is he doing this again?

Attempt #2: Actually Making Friends

The first JL member to break through his cold, black exterior is Wonder Woman. She needs help with search and rescue after a sinkhole opens up near an elementary school, but no one’s available until Batman responds to her call.

He’s on the scene in less than an hour and makes quick work in securing the area. Thankfully, she catches him once it’s over. (He always runs off without saying goodbye.)

“Thanks for helping. Everyone else was just so busy. I’m glad you could fly over.” Batman mumbles something that she can’t quite hear. “What was that?” she asks. “I was busy too,” he repeats. She gives him a weird look, and he freezes up for a second as he realizes that probably wasn’t appropriate to say. “I mean…this was more important. There were kids in danger so it didn’t…matter if I was busy.”

Wonder Woman considers how awkward The Batman looks for a moment then smiles. So he really is human. “Well, thank you. The help was very much appreciated.”

Since then, several small acts of kindness and solidarity earn Batman some respect from the rest of the team.

One day, Flash complains about how boring their meetings are so Batman brings a massive bin of fidget toys. After placing them in front of the Flash, he mumbles, “These are for ADHD. They’re useful.” Flash almost cries with relief. He is very touched.

Another day, Green Arrow is severely injured in battle. Without a word, Batman leaves the fight, takes him to a safe location, stops the bleeding, and does it all while repeatedly making sure he’s awake and asking permission to remove certain pieces of clothing.

In another fight, Plastic Man’s mask is thrown off, and Batman sees his face. In a second, Batman tosses a smoke bomb, picks up the mask, and hands it back before anyone else can look. It costs them time and the element of surprise, and Plastic Man knows it, but Batman did it anyway.

A JL member’s stomach grumbles during one too many meetings. Suddenly, their little break room becomes a fully stocked kitchen with shelf-stable meal items and all the basic necessities. There’s a nut-free section, a gluten-free section, everything. The only reason they know it’s him is because anyone else would have admitted to it.

(He renovated the whole fucking thing. In one night. By himself.)

And they all see how gentle he is with children. Countless times, The Batman is spotted prioritizing young civilians at any given moment.

He has lollipops in his belt. And Bluey bandaids too.

It’s the little things that make them feel closer to him :)

And okay maybe his goddamn Mission Statement lecture wasn’t so bad

So they stop moaning and groaning

Okay, now it’s bonding time WOOHOO!!

Attempt #3: Kinda? Friends??

One day, Superman says he isn’t too fond of billionaires (because of Lex, obviously) and goes on a rant about capitalism. Bruce doesn’t dare contribute because 1) he’s the richest man in the world and 2) every other billionaire he’s met is insufferable.

(Including Oliver Queen who Bruce refuses to look at while Green Arrow “defends his city’s billionaire.”)

(And while we’re on the topic of Green Arrow, Bruce cannot forget the disappointing almost-fling two summers ago. He still holds a grudge.)

Green Arrow: “You’re all fashion nightmares. Who wears a cape in the 21st century?” Batman: “At least my facial hair isn’t longer than my dick.” GA: “What was that, Batman?” B: “What?”

Also Bruce is very attracted to Superman.

(He likes older men.)

(Yes, I am referring to Henry Cavill’s Superman.)

(Sue me.)

(But don’t get your hopes up. He does literally nothing about it.)

(Coward.)

One of the JL members complains about how sore they are after a few missions so Bruce cashes in his Monthly Attempt to Socialize and says, “Try yoga. It helps me.” “…Batman, you do yoga?” “Yes. My son got me into it….It’s good for you.” “You have a son?!” He is never socializing again.

They also learn that Batman has the smallest frame on the team. (Like yeah, he’s tall, but he’s also lanky, and everyone else is either an alien or a human dorito.)

One night, they need to sneak through the vents of some building so Bruce offers to do it. Someone says, “It’s a tight squeeze. Are you sure you can fit?” Then he just takes his cape and pauldrons and shoulder pads off and is suddenly like a foot skinnier

“Wait…is this why you’re so good at hiding in the shadows?” Bruce just glares at the Flash for a second before climbing into the vents.

(The answer is yes.)

A betting pool is started over whether or not Batman is part Bat.

In fact, several betting pools begin because no one knows anything about the guy??

Aquaman and Plastic Man go to great lengths to figure out what his hair color is.

They lose their shit once Bruce tells them he’s vegetarian.

Green Lantern: “Every time he opens his mouth, we learn something new. Next, he’s going to tell me he speaks Swahili!” Batman: “I do.” GL: “Oh, come on!”

Superman: “We need someone on the inside for this international operation to work, but that’ll take at least three months undercover.” Batman: “Don’t worry. I have connections.” S: “…In Shanghai?” B: “Yes.”

The Flash adds SHANGHAI?? to his conspiracy board

Bruce needs to stop trying to socialize. It’s better for everyone’s cardiovascular health.

A year or two in, they’re all introduced to Captain Marvel. Bruce is the first and only person to learn his true identity (kid Billy Batson) because Bruce is the only one with a kid. That way, he understands the weird Gen-Alpha humor and references.

Millennia-old deities don’t use the term Flop Era.

And, of course, they play FMK at some point.

(I mean, come on. There are like TWO mature adults on this team, but Martian Manhunter doesn’t know what’s going on until it’s too late, and Wonder Woman is busy at her day job.)

During that particular round, the celebrities are Bruce Wayne, Lex Luthor, and Kylie Jenner. Bruce does, in fact, want to kill himself, but he chooses Fuck instead because of this exact conversation:

Green Lantern: Come on, Bats. It’s just a game! Choose already. Batman: No. I’m against killing. GL: Oh, go fuck yourself. This situation is completely hypothetical, and you know it. B: Fine! Fuck Bruce, Marry Kylie, Kill Lex. GL: See? That wasn’t so hard :) Bruce:

He tried

Attempt #4: Ah shit, FRIEND?

The identity reveal comes about three years after he joins. He’s 32, has three kids, he’s been on hundreds of missions with them, the team’s over twice its original size, and there are domestic terrorists overtaking Manhattan.

Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and The Batman try to extract as many civilians as possible, but now they’re being hunted. After hiding in a warehouse and considering their options, MM finally suggests that they pose as civilians, which immediately creates uproar.

Bruce, however, realizes this is the only way out.

But it’s not dramatic or badass like that one JL episode. No, instead, he thinks about it, swallows the regret, and just—

Takes off his cowl.

And the whole room falls dead fucking quiet.

Then, “Oh fuck.”

(That was Green Lantern.)

Bruce just shrugs and mumbles, “Martian is right. It’s the only way.” And really fucking hopes the grease paint hides his red face because he is not having a good time right now.

He would rather die, actually, but they need to get somewhere safe and Fast.

The others look him up and down then nod slowly. “Uh yeah.” “Okay, sure.” “This is fine.” “We’ll do that.”

The others begin slowly taking off their suits and changing into something more casual. Bruce takes his off, revealing the skin-tight compression suit underneath, and stuffs his armor in the roll-up duffel bag that’s kept in his belt.

He changes into his drifter outfit, wipes his face clean, and suddenly, The Batman’s just a normal guy. (A very pretty normal guy, mind you. His teammates have eyes.)

“We can head to my place,” Bruce says. “It’s closer, and I know the train system pretty well.” And yes, he’s pretty soft-spoken outside of the suit, but now it feels even more obvious.

Meanwhile, the others are like—

Oh. My. God.

Oh my god, he’s fucking shy. Batman is acting shy in front of us. Dear fucking god. Batman is Bruce Wayne. And Bruce is shy so Batman is fucking shy?? Bruce is pretty too. Holy fuck. He is very pretty.

And he’s so young?? Oh my god, he’s a BABY wtf?! He’s like four inches shorter. Four inches tall! They’re all towering over him without his massive boots and armor, and he just hunches over with the big duffel bag like he wants to sink into the floor, and he’s so small.

Wonder Woman wants to put him in her pocket.

Sue her.

They end up taking the train back. Bruce has on the mask and cap that hides his face (poor Superman, he really likes his jawline) and they all follow Bruce as he gets off and on several trains at seemingly random stops. THEN when they’re finally in Gotham, they head into an abandoned-looking subway station that leads them into a…cave?? WTF

And in the middle of the cave is an elderly man with a cane and a three-piece suit just lounging on a recliner. (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK—)

He looks up from his crossword puzzle and says, “Ah! You’ve finally made friends, I see?” Bruce rolls his eyes. “This is not a sleepover,” he gripes. “Shame. I was about to grab your footie pajamas for you.”

The man smiles at them. “A pleasure to meet Master Wayne’s work friends in person. Would you like some coffee? Tea? If you’re like him, this is going to be a long night.”

No one dares to question why this man recognizes them in their civvies

They also can’t tell if the footie pajamas line was a joke or not. After tonight, nothing is off the table.

(This is a minefield of information. Barry is having flashbacks to his conspiracy board. No one is going to fucking believe him.)

They all settle into one corner of the cave. Bruce leaves to change and comes back looking like this:

(Goddamnit, Clark is having a meltdown. His hair looks so good wet.)

At one point while they’re plotting, Wonder Woman glances over his shoulder to see Bruce checking some sort of security camera. A boy, maybe nine or ten, is sleeping in bed. “Is that your son?” Bruce clearly doesn’t want to answer, but Alfred gives him a look, and Bruce sighs. “One of them. Yes.”

Later, they have to analyze some explosive samples in the cave, and Barry, forensic scientist extraordinaire, has some choice words about the non-sterile environment.

Barry: This doesn’t look safe. Bruce: My lab is perfectly clean and functional. *bat screeches* Don’t worry about that.

For the rest of the night, they use the evidence they have to track down the organization while the rest of the JL suits up and saves NYC.

After a few hours, they’re safe to return to NYC for damage control. But Alfred refuses to let Bruce go with them. “Your sons are worried. Drive them to school, then you’re coming home and sleeping.”

Bruce clearly wants to argue, but the mention of his kids stops him. He sighs and turns to the others who are already changed. “Let me know if you need anything. I can be there in ten minutes.”

They all nod, knowing full well they will not be doing that. The guy clearly needs rest.

(Also, he is a single father of three and still goes out every night to punch robbers and crime bosses? Is he doing okay?)

Then they head back to NYC with so many questions.

But a lot of it makes sense too, actually. Maybe they just weren’t thinking about the man behind the mask enough to see it.

They learned a lot about their friend that night.

And they have a lot of bets to cash in.

FIN

Okay :D that was a lot! If you enjoyed it, please let me know. This has been simmering in the back of my head for months <3 Have a great day and drink some water :)

Hey bestie @bruciemilf