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Every couple years or so, the Bats are required to take a group photo to update the JL website (idk why, they are required to take a vigilante group picture), and Jason consistently refuses to show up. So this year, Tim just draws the lines of the Red Hood helmet on a bright red balloon and then floats it between him and Nightwing. They absolutely refuse to acknowledge that it isn't Jason. They put it up on a billboard instead.

Jason finds out about it when he drives back into Gotham and the highway going into the city has a 'Keeping Gotham Safe' billboard and it's a picture of the Bats looking extremely serious with the Red Hood Balloon floating behind them.

Damian: Laugh all you want, you cretins, but I’ll be the tallest one in the end.

Jason: Shit. He’s right. Bruce is 6’2. He’ll reach that height.

Tim, scoffs: The chances of that are low.

Dick: Ra's Al Ghul is 6’5…

Tim: …

Tim: I’m going to be the shortest Robin ever, huh…

and while i’m on a self indulgent thing? i think that any of the kids calling Bruce “dad” changes his whole demeanor. it helps him know that whatever they’re talking about is serious.

hearing his name shouted across the house does nothing for him. a hundred people say his name all day, including his kids. whatever the situation is can be fixed.

but hearing “Dad!”, cried out in battle or screamed from the other room, has him rushing to their side. what is it love and i’m here you’re alright and shh i’ve got you

“Bruce, I need help” = can’t open this large jar, have a question about math homework, need someone to look at this case file for me

“Dad, I need help” = I am hurt. I am scared. I am in danger. I need you to make things better. I need you to protect me.

In-universe, the Waynes are probably described as "if the Kardashians were also the Addams family"

Bruce: Has anyone seen Jason and Damian?

Tim: That went out

Bruce: For what?

Dick: Something about Jason breaking a whetstone- don't ask- and Damian demanding he replace that

Bruce: We already have a whetstone for the batarang

Tim: Yeah, but Damian said and I quote "My katana was forged by greatest bladesmiths the League of Assassins has to offer, that cheap rock will not go anywhere near it"

Bruce: ...That does sound like Damian

Dick: Yep. So now we're just waiting on them

[5 minutes later]

Tim: [looks at his phone and starts laughing]

Tim: You guys are not gonna believe this

Dick: What?

[Shows a trending video of Jason walking across a parking lot with a bag in one hand and a screaming Damian under his arm, before noticing the camera and saying, "don't worry, he's mine I'm not stealing him." *pause* "if I was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn't be this asshole"]

Bruce: [tired sigh] Sadly, I can believe it...

Dick: Well, at least he got the whetstone

[Potential Spoiler Warning]

Demon Slay season 4 is very yippee but also like ???? I hate this entire fandom (im joking yall are great)

Im watching my reaction videos because i was surviving off fumes and was like “fuck it im going to watch it soon anyway” and oh my god the edits????

So Melanie Martinez has a song called Mrs. Potato Head and at the end the song has a set of repeating lyrics

And editors (in this case, specifically inotrovz on tiktok) has taken this song and used it with Sabito and Giyuu and if you have seen it, it’s absolutely devastating.

“Even if her face don’t stay together” has the damn scene when Sabito gets his head crushed in and everything after that is just moments from when the two boys were training and im like ??? Its 1am and i have shit to do today and im just in awe of this entire fandom

This entire show is going to bring me to tears at some point (and considering i cannot stop spoiling myself from the manga it will happen)

So anyway this song is really good and it’s super sad with Sabito and Giyuu being cute little kids, and then im heartbroken

About the AO3 "No Guest Comments for a while" warning

If you're not following any of AO3's social media accounts you might be in the dark as to what kind of "spam comments" have engendered this banner at the top of the site:

These spam comments have been posted about a great deal on the AO3 subreddit for the past couple of days. Initially they comprised a bunch of guest (logged out users) bot comments that insulted authors by suggesting they were using AI and not writing their own fics. Some examples, from the subreddit:

But it then escalated to outright graphic porn images and gifs being posted in comments, again by logged out 'Guest' accounts. Obviously, I'm not going to give examples of those, but between these two bot infestations, AO3 has clearly decided to act and has temporarily closed the ability to post comments for users who are not logged in with an AO3 account.

Unfortunately, this means that genuine readers who don't have an AO3 account won't be able to leave comments on fics that they enjoy.

If you are a genuine reader who doesn't yet have an AO3 account, I strongly suggest getting yourself on the waiting list for one. More and more AO3 authors are now locking their fics down to registered users only - either due to these bot comments or concerns about AI scraping their work - which means you're probably missing out on a lot of great stuff.

Hopefully guest commenting will be enabled again at some point soon, but I suggest not waiting until then. Get yourself on that list.

Wait times are going to be longer than usual at the moment, due to the current Wattpad purge [info on Fanlore | Wattpad subreddit thread], but if you're in line, then your invite will come through eventually.

Update: There's now a Megathread about this on the AO3 subreddit.

I like to think that whenever Tim and Jason patrol together people call them Robin Hood.

Like-

*Tim and Jay waiting for police to arrest some goons*: ...

Police officer: Thanks for this Robin Hood.

And, even better, Tim and Jason don't care.

Jason: no sweat.

Tim: see ya around officer.

one thing that will always be funny to me about batfam is that jason is forever convinced that dick is bruce's favorite child while all of his siblings know for sure that bruce's favorite child is actually jason

some random reporter: who's your favorite child?

bruce: how DARE YOU imply that i play favorites, i love ALL of my children equally

dick, without missing a bit: oh he absolutely plays favorites, it was jason

tim: rest in peace

Time-warped or travel scenario where Bruce gets launched back into a younger version of himself with all the memories and the first thing he does is goes and gets Dick Grayson right after his parents' death, then pick up Jason, arrange about a million playmates to get Tim out of his house, and once he has those kids happy and taken care of, he goes off to find Cass, helps Steph with her dad, and leaves a very pointed voice-mail for Talia.

Alfred thinks he's more mentally ill than usual for knowing exactly which orphans and as he pointedly reminds Bruce, "children whose parents are still very much alive" he's trying to steal and adopt.

Bruce heatedly replies that they're his kids and that he's going to do everything right this time, rendering Alfred absolutely speechless until Bruce asks if Alfred would be able to make dinner for his new brood of kids.

"Try and remember who you're speaking to Master Bruce, I've thrown dinner parties with less notice"

"Great because I have a list of allergies and some notes on favourite foods."

Your great-great-great grandfather was a vampire. However, the vampire genes are so diluted all it means is you’re mildly annoyed by crosses, are allergic to garlic, and get sunburned easily.

Jason Todd's pain tolerance and responses

Body swap AU where Tim is a secret health nut especially after the loss of his spleen and has the unfortunate genetics that make him look like a sickly Victorian child if he gets less than 8 hrs of sleep. He absolutely drinks that mushroom coffe alternative and he has all his meds and vitamins organized in those daily planner cases.

His family does not know this about him. Tim always looks like he’s ready to pass out so they assume he’s the worst health wise.

And then there’s a fight with a magician and everybody gets scrambled into different bodies and Tim straight up panics.

The others are all like “haha maybe your body will finally look healthy with someone else taking care of it.” But Tim’s more concerned of having a body to return to because if (insert most amusing brother to be in this situation) doesn’t clean a wound correctly or misses a dose of his meds or god forbid eat something his body can no longer process then They may very well die.

So Tim is like “cool this is now a family project to keep my body alive till we sort this out.” And pulls up a power point full of does and donts. There are scheduled reminders on his phone, but Tim is like “we all need to remind brother to take my meds so he doesn’t accidentally kill me and also you have to report any injuries no matter how small because I don’t have a spleen and easily get infections and will go septic.”

And the rest of his family is low key mortified because wtf. Tim when did you lose you spleen? When we’re you so on top of things. Why are you always looking so sick?

Alfred volunteers to help because Tim swore I’d there were any issues he would go to Alfred for help. He always reports injuries to Alfred in case something goes wrong that way Alfred knows to be worried if Tim disappears for a while.

It’s a whole thing that the family had no clue about

*distant screams of agony*

Officer Grayson: *arrests Jason for whatever, probably annoying him on the job.* *He leads him away in handcuffs*

Jason: wait. Is that Tim?

Dick: omg it's Timmy!

Tim, on a date with Bernard:

Bernard: ... Why are that cop and the guy he arrested banging on the window and waving at us?

Tim: *dead inside*

i need the batfam fandom to give damian the same energy we give tom hollands peter parker in fics like

i want Field Trip to Wayne Enterprises fics

fics where damian gets phone calls from his famous siblings in class

fics where damian has to deal with the other kids watching thirst traps of his older siblings

fics where he’s getting bullies and one of them shows up in full vigilante attire to scare the middle school bully

just

damian al ghul wayne fanfic that centers around his school life and protective family

Damian: "My grandfather drives faster than this, and he's dead!"

Jason and Steph, leaning forward from the backseat: "Ra's died?!"

Tim: "He's still alive. He literally never--"

Dick, rolling his eyes, hands clenched on the wheel: "Guys he means Thomas."

Steph, slumping back: "Wow, I legitimately forgot about that."

Damian: "Every word that comes out of your mouth is a reminder--"

Dick: *cranks up the radio loudly*

Read, read, read. Read everything -- trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You'll absorb it. Then write. If it's good, you'll find out. If it's not, throw it out of the window.

— William Faulkner.

What if Damian and Tim love each other and even like? It's just more of a situation "Manipulating others is easier ". Maybe an example will help;

Damian: Father, May I go to Zoo today?

Bruce:No Damian, you're grounded.

Tim:Oh, that's bad. I could go with you to take photos of otter, but if you are not going I think I will stay too. What's a zoo without company. Maybe I will go with Kon next week.

Bruce *Super happy in a moment of thinking his youngest kids getting along*: If you two agree not to kill each other, Damian can go

Tim and Damian:*Knowing looks*

Or situation like;

Tim who has abandoned issues and is having fear of people leaving him: Dick is mad at me. Can you stab me so he will be in his mother hen mode Instead?

Damian who would like to have 5 minutes of peace from Grayson: Say no more

My girlfriend is turning 32 soon… 

I’ve told her not to get her hopes up. “After all,” I say, “we’re only going to celebrate it for half a minute” when she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out “This is your thirty-second birthday”

ate and left no crumbs. I swear Alfred is the most iconic batfamily member.

“How’s your WIP going?”

"Have you made any progress?”

“How close are you to being done?”