Lord Have Mercy

lord have mercy

Bleeding Butterflies Part Fourteen - BTS OT7 Vampire au

Prev / Next

Well its been a while.... hasn't it. I call this chapter the angsty cloud before the storm. 7.6k words and warnings of angst, blood, control, deceit.

“Do you want me to let you go?”

With your arms around him you can feel him stop breathing in shock at your question. The bond he had been holding closed and close to his chest opened with a bang, a burning fire felt through it. You could feel his anger, thinking it was aimed at you, and part of it was, but most of it was cursing the universe for ever putting you in this cruel sadistic position. 

You pull away from him at the feelings he was emitting, scared stiff that he would answer yes, that he would walk away from you without turning back, even if you convinced yourself it was best for you both, that you could live with the pain of being without him if it meant he were free. You hear him find his breath again, it sounded heavy, swarming with every emotion he had tried to stop you seeing. He turns to you slowly, staring at you incredulously. 

“How could you think for even a second that I don’t want to be with you?“ he asks with stunned outrage in his voice. “That’s why I did what I did Y/n, did you think it was easy to be away from you!”

He stops anymore of his rant when your tears brim in your eyes. You look up at him but not in anger, that’s what he was expecting from you, his defiant human matching each shout and yell. Instead your gaze held an apology and he hated seeing it when he didn’t know what it meant. Did you want to end things with him? Had he fucked up so badly that you didn’t want him anymore?

“But I make you sad,” your voice trembles, explaining away his dread, those tears falling as you breathe shakily.

He pulls you in closely, unable to handle his angel crying. The words of disagreement are on the tip of his tongue but you beat him to it.

“I used to make you happy Tae,” you whimper into his chest. “All those memories we have together haunt me because we’ve lost them, I don’t make you happy anymore.”

“I nearly lost you,” he whispers into your hair in explanation, wanting you to understand that fear that seized him, that held him back from returning to those happy memories. It plagued him, worse than any illness.

“But you didn’t,” you refute him. “I’m alive Tae, I’m here.”

“But I’m going to lose you,” he confesses, his own tears falling on his cheeks. You gaze up into his honest open eyes, knowing you were so close to reaching him. “And it terrifies me.”

“Do you really think I don’t understand? I nearly lost you too.” You caress his cheek, wanting to comfort him, wanting him to be okay. “I live with the same fear every day Taehyung, when you went into that war, when you left, every time you all leave the estate, but I don’t let it get in the way of me being with you. We can’t live like this.”

His bottom lip trembles, the tears pouring out of his eyes as he struggles to speak, to say sorry for everything he’s put you through knowingly and unknowingly. 

For you, your happy memories were the ones to mock you, sneering at you that you could never have it again, but for him it was all the moments they nearly lost you. He couldn’t help it, every second of the day all he saw was you slowly decaying, dying in his arms, and he couldn’t take it.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, wiping every single one of his tears, saying the words he needed to. 

“I’m sorry that I’m human,” you whimper while fisting his shirt. “I’m sorry that I’m weak, I’m sorry you fell in love with someone who is going to leave you.”

You cursed that moment he distanced himself from you, and that stupid rogue that proved all his fears true.

—

As much as you didn’t want to talk about it, there was a giant elephant in the room that needed addressing after your near death experience. You knew they were upset with you, it wasn’t hard to see, you’d probably be the same if the shoe was on your foot, if not worse. 

You find the older four vampires in the library, looking through books, barely glancing your way when you enter, trying to keep their bonds locked between you. You on the other hand try not to let your paranoia get away from you.

“What are you guys doing?” you ask, keeping your voice light. 

“Trying to find something that might help elongate your life,” Seokjin mutters.

“I-”

“You’ve agreed to that at least,” he interrupts whatever you were going to say, eyes penetrating through you with a swell of anger he can’t help, not when he’s kept it buried for so long. He regrets it when you look down guiltily, the smell of petrichor starting to seep out of your body putting them on edge.

Yoongi gives him a seething look, it wasn’t your fault, they discussed this, they had no right to take out their frustrations on you and with the consequences of your emotions they couldn’t risk it. As painful as walking on eggshells was, they had to. As much as they wanted to scream and yell about the situation, it wasn’t going to help or get them anywhere. 

“Actually that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” you mumble, making them all turn to you in panic, had you changed your mind? Would you really take away the only option you left them with so cruelly like a rug from under them? “I don’t want to spend the rest of my days like this…”

You gesture to them all with their hands holding books, the way they were reading them all so intently before you walked in. 

“I don’t want to fight, or have you guys obsess over something that might not be possible,” you explain, shifting foot from foot. “I know I said you can look for a way to extend my lifespan, so we have more time left but, what if it takes so long that we lose all the time we have? I don’t want to take that for granted, what if there isn’t a way…”

“Light of my life,” Namjoon puts down the book he’s holding, walking over to you to hold your downtrodden face in his hands, reading you better than any book. “You don’t have to worry about that, I promise. We’ve all agreed to balance our time.”

Your eyes water, the smell of petrichor in abundance through the room making them all stand with the high prince, surrounding you with worry. You had to be happy, as much as the way things were hurt them, they had to make sure through it all you were kept ignorant and happy. 

“I-I know what I said w-was cruel,” you close your eyes as the tears fall, your face scrunching in pain as you force the words out. “And I’m sorry, but I-I…”

You wanted to explain yourself, you wanted them to understand, to not hate you for the choices you were making but in truth you couldn’t understand it yourself. 

“I’m not doing this to hurt you,” you confess the only thing you could make sense of, opening your eyes, earnestly looking at them all to show your sincerity. Hurting them was the last thing you ever wanted, but it was the consequence of your decisions. 

“We know sweetheart,” Hoseok forces a reassuring smile, trying to keep the sorrow out of his eyes, wishing he could tell you everything. “It’s okay.”

“She needs to leave before she sees what some of us are really working on,” Jin mumbles in decibels you can’t hear, hoping you didn't notice his lips moving slightly, trying not to glance back at the open book he left on the desk about the forbidden ‘I’ word. 

“Precious, you haven’t eaten,” Yoongi holds out his hand for you, not missing the way Jin looked dejected, but it was going to take him a little bit of time to vent through his anger before he would return to normal with you. Even you glanced at the vampire momentarily, remembering all the times he would try to get you to eat, the way he would look after you. The way all of them tried to look after you.

“Are you sure you guys don’t want any help with what you’re working on?” you ask instead. “I know it's not an ideal way to spend time together but it's something at least.”

Hoseok has to bite his tongue to restrain himself from yelling ‘NO’ dramatically, knowing it would arouse suspicion, but he feels the gears of panic turn when you walk towards one of their research stations.

“Food first,” Yoongi declares, taking your hand in his and pulling you out and away from their deceit. 

“That was close,” Jin says when you’re out of ear shot, releasing a breath of relief. 

“I think we’re going to have to keep a closer eye on sweetheart,” Hoseok suggests, one of them was going to have to be with you constantly to make sure you didn’t stumble on their real work. 

—

Nostalgia was infectious, but instead of letting it make you sad you were determined to rebuild those memories, no matter how long it took, or how long you had left. Like this moment for example, sitting on the kitchen counter while someone scattered around the kitchen making you food. The Sun in your memories mocked you, now hiding behind the grey clouds, the colour seeping its way into the room, surrounding you where rays of light once did. 

To think, a younger version of you tried to escape a hundred times from their safety, or of the amount of tears you shed, the amount of heartbreak you were still reeling from, and yet, there was nowhere else you would rather be. You were grateful for every moment, every hardship, because it was all a consequence of being their love. 

Yoongi barely paid you any attention as he worked through the cupboards and the fridge whipping something as fast as he could. His mind was elsewhere, where their research was taking them, and the urge to return to it was pulling him. When he was with you he had to think of all the things he was trying to avoid in his brain, with his head in a book he didn’t have to think of anything other than finding a way for you to live. This was the hole that Taehyung had found himself fallen in and Yoongi was about to succumb to the dark of it before your voice pulled him out.

“Thank you,” you break the silence with sincerity, but he hadn’t handed you any food yet.

“For what?” he frowns, chopping the vegetables on the island, his back to you.

“Thank you for finding me first,” you say, making him turn to you in surprise.

“What?” his jaw drops, the muscles in his face slack from shock.

“My existence was cursed from the second I turned 18,” you chuckle but there were tears forming in your eyes. “I hate to think how bad it could’ve been if you hadn't found me first.”

Though your gratitude was sincere to Yoongi’s ears it sounded like you had accepted defeat, like your life was flashing before your eyes.. He was torn between the sorrow he felt watching you so vulnerable and the anger that something was prohibiting you from fighting for your own happiness. He knew you felt happy with them, he could feel it himself, he knew in his undead heart, you belonged with them, forever and eternally.

He leaves the knife and the half cut produce on the chopping board, wiping his hands on the cloth before he approaches you. To Yoongi, it didn’t matter that the Sun was absent from the sky today, there was a reason why Namjoon referred to you as the light of their lives, who needed the stupid yellow ball so distant in space when you were right here beside them. His hands hold the side of your thighs, making you look up from your knees into his eyes. His thumb rubs small circles over your jeans, the pair of you trying to smile. 

“Of course I found you first,” he tries to sound cocky, to lighten the atmosphere, to make it like it was before. “You’re meant to be with us.”

He says those words with the conviction of his soul, he believes it completely. He didn’t realise how much he missed the sound of your laughter until you tease him with it, a slight giggle leaving your lips. 

“You mean like destiny?” you question, making fun of him. “You sound like Joonie.”

There was that shy gummy smile that made your heart swell, when was the last time you saw it?

—

Jungkook walks into what he thinks is the most domestic thing in all his almost 200 years of life. Almost like a scene from the past, haunting him like an illusion. You were still on the counter eating whatever Yoongi prepared, the vampire standing close as you both smiled softly at each other sharing the moment. 

“Am I interrupting?” Jungkook grins despite the heavy feeling in his chest wanting to bring the corner of his lips down.

“No.” 

“Yes,” Yoongi responds gruffly. 

How can such a beautiful smile stab him so hard in his gut? You laugh at the vampire’s grumpy antics, the carefree look on your face filled with love he yearned to see for such a long time. There was a pang of jealousy at the scene, a tug that wanted him to be a part of it without breaking the moment, but he was so afraid to. 

“What did you want?” Yoongi grumbles, turning back to you.

“I wanted to see Princess,” he says smiling before mumbling low so you couldn’t hear, “Hyung’s asking if you’re ready to leave.”

There’s a pause as Yoongi’s thumb stills for a millisecond while caressing your cheek, the hesitation so quick you thankfully don’t notice. He can’t hide the intensity of his eyes that grows at the prospect of having to leave you when all he wanted was to stay in this moment, in this little bubble where he could pretend everything was okay. How the hell did Taehyung do it?

You glance away bashfully at the depth of his stare, feeling it penetrate down to your chest in a way that has it beating so hard you’re sure he can hear it. There’s a soft grin on his face you can see in your peripherals, glancing at him swiftly to confirm it was there before staring intently at the bowl in your lap. You suddenly didn’t feel that hungry any more, your stomach was twisting in a way it hadn’t for so long. Even after all this time they still made you flustered so easily, playing havoc with your heart.

When your eyes are no longer on him he nods for Jungkook’s benefit, his hand still holding your face, making you look up at him again. He knows why Taehyung left, the universe was threatening to take this away from them, they would do anything to stop it, whatever the cost. He didn’t know how long he would be away, but he was determined not to return empty handed. 

“Stop playing with your food,” Yoongi says softly before turning to Jungkook. “Are you going to stand at the door or are you going to make yourself useful?”

The vampire stutters in surprise, looking like a deer in headlights before he composes himself. He can’t help gulp as he enters the threshold, feeling like a single step could shatter the mirage in front of him. You, however, see through Yoongi’s blunt tone, knowing it was his own way of inviting the youngest into the moment. 

“You can do the dishes,” he commands, Jungkook nodding obediently without a word.

“Yoongi, I can do them,” you whine, feeling bad for the maknae, moving the older vampire’s hands from your cheek as you try to move off the counter to help. Firm hands on your hips hold you in place, a stern warning stare making you quiet. As if he was going to let you lift a finger after nearly losing you. As stubborn as you thought you could be, Yoongi could be so much worse when pushed, and even you knew you’d lose the fight here, which brought him to his next dilemma. 

He didn’t know when he would be back or how much energy he was going to need, and the last time he fed from you was… a while ago. He detests himself a little, loathing the fact he would hurt you to sustain himself, the magic and lure of your blood’s potency gone. He still craved it, still longed for a bite, but not at the cost of your health.

“Yoongi?” You bring him back from the spiral of his guilt and hunger, hands on his arms, soothingly rubbing gently to coax him back to you. “What’s wrong?”

It felt like such a stupid question to ask with everything that had been going on, but you could see his eyes cloud over, his thoughts taking him away from you.

He sighs, the disgust of his dilemma feeling like bile in his throat.

“Precious,” he hesitates, watching the worry grow on your features, knowing he needed to stop it in its tracks. “I need a drop.”

It comes out like a mumble but you hear him perfectly, a little taken back, expecting the worst but something so trivial was in its place. You laugh a little, wondering why he was so shy and awkward about something that was the norm. It doesn’t even reach your mind that your previous disposition would haunt them the way it did, you couldn’t see the consequences yet not with your hope to return to the way things were. 

“Of course,” you smile reassuringly, bringing your wrist up to his lips but he pushes it away, his head hanging low. Maybe he wanted it from the neck? 

“Just a drop precious,” he reiterates, taking your forefinger to his lips, kissing the skin there first. 

He looks so tormented when he puts the digit in his mouth, the incisor piercing the flesh before his tongue laps up the blood quickly. One swipe of his tongue and he removes himself, darting across the kitchen in a flash before he’s back. Your frown only grows when you see him place the plaster over the smallest cut, intently focused on his task as if it were life saving surgery. 

You know he said just a drop but never before had they meant it so literally, it was something they told themselves, but they always took more, you knew that and you never minded. 

“Yoongi you can take more,” you encourage him but he shakes his head.

You don’t notice Jungkook clutching the sink to the point it was about to form a hand shaped dent, the pair of Vampires struggling internally when the sweet smell of the blood fruit encompassed the room. How long had it been? Well before your birthday surely, before the world as they knew it turned on its head. Yoongi can still feel the lingering taste in his mouth, he doesn’t know how he stopped himself taking a little more, but the image of you near death on your bed was enough to control him.

He doesn’t answer you, the corner of his mouth trying to rise in a reassuring smile but it doesn't reach his nose let alone his eyes. 

His eyes are dead, the irises hollow, unable to hold the mask of a soul in place, and all you could do was stare dumbfounded. His hand cups the back of your head, pushing you towards him as he kisses your temple, lingering there in an unspoken goodbye you didn’t hear, hiding his expression from you. 

“Eat the rest of your food,” he mumbles against your skin, unable to meet your gaze as he swiftly makes his exit. 

In a blink he was gone, leaving you more muddled than before. You swallow before you breathe again, not realising you were holding it. You were so naive to think things could return to the way they were so easily. No, not naive, you were desperate for it. So desperate you would pretend everything was fine, if you could convince yourself, you could make them believe it too.

It's quiet between you both now Yoongi left the room, Jungkook washing the dishes of your lunch quickly now your finger was bandaged, not glancing your way even though you were staring a hole into the side of his face. Even through all of the trials and tribulations of your relationship, he still managed to look so soft, nothing like what he did when you first met. You don’t know why you were thinking of the past but you couldn’t help it. 

He hears a soft breath of laughter escape your lips, his eyes flickering in your direction to find you smiling, shaking your head.

“What’s so funny, beautiful?” he asks, wiping his hands on the kitchen towel before coming to stand beside you, a hand on your thigh as he finally looks at you, curiosity winning against his reservations. 

“You,” you state matter of factly, grinning when he frowns.

“Me?” he asks, feeling perplexed, he doesn’t remember doing anything to make you laugh, but whatever it was he would do it again if it made you smile like this. 

“The fact I thought you were this scary spiteful mean vampire, and you turned out to be the softest bunny I’ve ever met.”

His eyebrows rise in surprise making you laugh louder, how on earth did you think Jungkook was the scariest of them? He bites the corner of his lips to stop himself laughing with you, trying to control his expression but his eyes crinkle in amusement. 

“A bunny?” He tries to sound offended.

“The softest bunny,” you correct him, still grinning widely. 

“I guess I still haven’t apologised for my behaviour back then,” he says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. Those words sober you, the look in your eyes changes and it has him mirroring the sombreity. He looks up at you with the widest doe eyes, as if his world was about to collapse in front of him at any moment and he was begging it not to. 

You struggle to smile, the edge of your mouth rising before it falters. He watches your hand reach him, your fingers caressing his cheek bone with a sad fondness. He holds your palm against his cheek, smelling your sweet scent before the fragrance of petrichor begins to cloud it. He never used to hate that smell, but now he knew the consequence of it, he couldn’t help despise it. 

“I don’t want you to apologise,” you say to him softly. “I don’t regret a second of it.”

Almost like a movie reflecting in each of your eyes, you both remember the turning point of your relationship. That night he almost died, you would never regret your actions. Even then, even though he was almost a stranger you remember the overwhelming sense to help him, to save him, and you were so glad you did. 

“You were the reason I stopped acting like a… how did you put it…” you ponder for a moment as the words come back to you, “an ungrateful brat.”

It takes him a second to place those words in his memories, the scene coming back to him as he remembers they came from his own lips.

“You heard me?” 

“You weren’t exactly quiet,” you scoff with amusement before guilt floods his eyes.

“Princess I’m so sorry,” he breathes, grabbing ahold of your hands so you believe him. “I was just-”

“Kookie it's fine,” you squeeze his hands, the gesture cementing your words. “I told you, I don’t regret any of it, even if you did hate me when we first met.”

You don’t realise your lips purse at the memory of his stern stare, knowing you weren’t exactly fond of him either back then but did he have to be so intense about his dislike?

“I didn’t hate you,” Jungkook chuckles, kissing your pout away. “You were a nuisance though, I admit.”

He laughs harder when your jaw drops at the playful insult, stealing your lips quickly before you could respond, melting away whatever it was you were going to say with his kisses. You changed his world the second you stepped foot in it, he didn’t know how to react to you until you took his life into your own hands. How does he tell you that's where it's been ever since that night?

—

If they weren’t vampires, the way Namjoon slams the book after reading something he didn’t like against the desk would’ve made them jump in surprise. The wood cracks down the middle, on the brink of breaking but still holding itself together.

“What?” Hoseok dares to ask in a breath, his face the picture of heart break, he tells himself he can bear it, whatever it was that made Namjoon look like the tempest about to tear the world apart.

“All this time I thought the laws of the blood fruit were for its survival, but she doesn’t work like the rest of the universe, she was made to die,” the highest prince rants, his eyes burning into the book that dared tell him everything he believed was a lie. 

Both Jin and Hobi watch their brother with pitying caution, silent to his words.

“Everything she is is to ensure her death! How could I have been so stupid not to see it?” He yells, his hand running through his hair as if he were about to rip the strands out. “And the witches knew it the whole time.”

His voice turns deadly but solemn, staring daggers at the black book that mocked him, the one he took from the sisters the night before. A peace offering on their side, but he could see what it really was, they were begging for their lives. 

“Namjoon everything you thought was a theory. We were all wrong, every supernatural being, centuries of us,” Jin tries to bring the lead vampire down from his cascading outburst, the fire raging into an inferno in his eyes, they only hoped he could still hold the bond between you closed. 

“What did you read?” Hoseok asks quietly, his eyes on the book too as if it held unseen powers to destroy them. 

“I need to see the witches,” Namjoon states instead of answering, “tonight.”

—

“Did it hurt?” You ask him in greeting, catching him off guard as he approaches you as you gaze out of the balcony, arms crossed on the wooden railings, staring at the grey cover of clouds that dimmed the world around them. 

“Did what hurt?” 

Pain was surrounding them in abundance recently, he thinks to himself, you would have to be more specific. 

“When you fell?” Your tone is so seriously contemplative, he stands there in shock before breaking out into laughter.

“From heaven butterfly?” He laughs, standing beside you, mirroring your position, his arms touching yours. It was odd how comforting even the lightest physical connection between you could be for both of you. “You’re the Angel, you tell us.”

“No!” You laugh back realising why he was confused. “When I first came here desperate to leave, I jumped off the balcony.”

There’s a twinkle in your eye of mischief and humour as it clouds with reminiscence as you look at him.

“You jumped off after me and caught me,” you sound almost as if you’re in a trance, as if you could see it all again in front of you. “You broke my fall, I remember you holding me so close against you…”

Jimin remembers it too, the way you looked up at him in shock at your own actions as he tried to mask his pain of hitting the concrete hard. He’ll never forget the second your hands gripped onto him tighter in a lapse of fear before you pushed him away, returning to that stubborn human they all came to love.

“I remember feeling… safe,” you say airily before snapping out of it and repeating the original question. “Did it hurt?”

He smiles gently, taking a strand of your hair and playing with it softly before lying.

“No butterfly, it didn’t hurt.”

—

“You still haven’t… eaten,” you want to cringe at the word but you couldn’t think of a better way to put it. 

“I’m not… hungry,” he smirks at least, a little, glancing at you momentarily telling you it was okay with his eyes before returning to his book. He flicks the page as you walk towards him, the cautious anticipation simmering in your stomach like deja vu. You remember this was how you felt at the start, sitting under the tree with him that first time. It was like you both regressed back to the beginning of your relationship, scared for some reason, as if you expected him to reject you even after everything. 

“Tae take a little,” you push softly, you knew it hadn’t been that long since he last fed but all the days without him lulled into one long timeless void. You needed that contact with him again, something to soothe the ache of a taunt bond, to reassure it that there was no threat of it breaking.

He sighs, putting down the book and casting it aside before addressing you. He doesn’t meet your gaze, instead his eyes are on the space beside you, his head low as if you were too bright to look at, like it would hurt if he did. 

“How can I feed from you when you-” he can’t complete his sentence. He looks down at the desk, schooling his features as he stops himself from breaking down again. It had been happening repeatedly throughout the day after your last conversation, and he didn’t want it to happen in front of you. He swallows down the pressure building in his throat.

“Just a drop,” you say in a small voice, scared of pushing him over the edge, scared your relationship with him was in such tatters that you no longer had the right to ask him to feed. 

“I can’t, angel,” he shakes his head, his eyes closing momentarily. He was holding himself back, you could see it, but you could also feel him tugging and pulling desperately at the bond, calling for you in a way he couldn’t admit. 

But there are a thousand words you’re also holding back behind closed teeth, a thousand worries you were trying not to let through for him to see. You missed him so much, but even with his presence he seemed so far away. The distance you thought you had conquered only grew in different ways. 

You both handed each other your hearts on silver plates, and both of you hurt the other in ways that would take time to heal, time you didn’t have. So where did that leave you? Confessions on the tips of your tongues but no courage to push the words out? 

“Tae,” you sigh, gathering the strength to say what you needed. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”

How do you always manage to break his heart even when it was already so shattered? It wasn’t your fault, he knows that, but you didn’t.

“Have you forgiven me?” he asks quietly, head still low but his eyes glance your way for a moment. 

“I don’t know,” you confess honestly in a whisper, eyes stinging. “I just want us to go back to before. Don’t you want that too?”

Before, it didn’t need to be specified, you both knew what you meant. If you had the power to, you would turn back time and never leave their side that dreaded night. You would never let Taehyung realise how fragile your mortality was to the point where it took him away from you. You would let yourselves live in the ignorant dream unaware of the truth but you would be happy. They would be happy.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he only manages to breathe the words he's said a thousand times, the volume of his voice held down by the sob strangling his throat as it tries to break out. 

His eyes beg you, brimmed with unshed tears, knowing you held no power over what was happening to you but he had no one else to ask.

You’re frozen in front of him, seeing every wall he had built around himself since that night of Jimin’s birthday come crashing down to reveal a scared little boy in love, and you wanted nothing more to hold him, to tell him it would be okay, but those words would be lies, and it was far too late for that. It was time to grow up.

“You’re going to.”

You hit him with the harsh truth, grounding your own emotions. There was no point of denying the bitter taste of what fate had in store for you, you couldn’t comfort him, you couldn’t give him what he wanted. What he wanted was out of everyone’s control, the sooner you all accepted that the better. 

“You’re going to lose me one day Taehyung and I am so sorry,” despite the hard determined stare of your eyes they watered, your jaw clenched to hold yourself together. “It’s the way the universe works for everyone, we’re not immune to it, we’re just aware of it. And it sucks Tae, I hate it, I hate that its hurting you, but-”

You inhale sharply, pulling yourself together as fresh tears drop down your cheek. He was mourning you like you were already dead, and no matter what you knew you couldn’t pull him out, not when he was wallowing in it.

“It's your choice Taehyung,” as his walls turned to rubble you felt yours build in a way that turned you cold. “You can lose me while I’m still alive, or you can lose me when I’m dead, those are the only options, it’s your choice.”

You walk away and force yourself not to look back, closing the bond between you completely shut so he couldn’t feel the way your own words broke you, and like the coward you were, so you couldn’t feel what impact they had on him 

—

“We need our own fail safe against hers,” Namjoon says solemnly as he buttons the coat. “If she ever finds out what we’re up to we have to ensure she doesn’t hurt herself.”

“What do you suggest?” Jin asks, eyeing the prince with crossed arms, an ear out listening for your movements even though he knew you were sound asleep in your room.

“You’re not gonna like it,” he informs them as he fixes the scarf around his neck, the stare he gives them speaking volumes. 

“What if we made her realise it?” Jungkook suggests his gaze on the ground, looking through it as if he could see hell under it. “She doesn’t know about Chaos, what if we told her about it?”

His older brothers stare at him silently, contemplating whether their youngest was naive or just hopelessly loyal to you and your feelings. 

“We don’t know what the consequences of that are going to be Jungkook,” Jin says, his tone slightly scolding though he tries to hold it back. They were all becoming impatient, but the lease on your life didn’t allow for mistakes. 

“Tell Hoseok to get back before she wakes up.” Namjoon doesn’t even acknowledge the maknae’s words, directing his command to Jin before he leaves the pair himself. 

“Where did Hobi hyung go?” Jungkook asks, trying to quell down the hurt from both his hyungs dismissing him. 

“He’s chasing another lead,” Seokjin replies, not an ounce of emotion or hope in his voice. “He’s trying to find a centaur.”

“Another lead,” a voice repeats from the shadows before he could elaborate. 

Both vampires turn to see Jimin with his arms crossed leaning against the wall. His piercing eyes said more than his tone, he had lost hope. No evidence of his previous laughter with you earlier could be seen, here, where your eyes couldn’t reach him, he didn’t have to pretend he had any hope left. 

“We’re not losing her,” Jin almost growls, reading the younger’s face clearly. 

“Us and what power Hyung?” Jimin scoffs humorlessly, “we’re vampires, even with the blood fruit we’re no match for this cosmic bitch who put this power or fucking failsafe inside of her.”

Jungkook visibly flinches, Jimin wasn’t one to swear so viciously. Neither of them miss the way he didn’t refer to you as butterfly, as if he was already dissociating himself from you, as if that would save him from the pain. Jimin wasn’t one to give up, his brothers stare at him in stupor. He was the last one they expected to be like this, but the toll of watching you nearly die twice in one lifetime knocked him to the ground. He couldn’t do it a third time, he wouldn’t survive. 

“Not that it matters,” he says quietly, “we’ll have nothing to live for when she goes, but we’ll have the rest of our miserable existence to hunt down whoever did this to her, or we die trying.”

—

Whispers, they were trying to wake you but you couldn’t make out the words. They sound more like a hum in the air, but you could swear there was a voice behind it, frowning in your sleep as you try to decipher the message. You see their faces in your dreams, but rather than the overwhelming love you’re used to feeling something else entirely grips your chest. An uneasy distrust, a paranoia travelling under your skin until it prickled. It doesn’t take you long to realise the sound is coming from something within you, unfamiliar but present in your mind, until the words blared like a scream.

WAKE UP- 

You jolt upright, sweat pouring out of your skin as anxiety made your heart race so fast it split in half, a part dropping to your stomach and half lodged in your throat. The alarm was pounding low through your veins, warning you something wasn’t right. You could feel the hands of something wrap around your neck, warning you, to sort it out otherwise it would.

You quell the panic that tried to make its way through the bond, shutting them off completely even though they asked you not to, to save your strength. You could hear nothing but you felt the whispering again, losing the ability to translate the words but somehow you understood. 

Something was wrong.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” Hoseok’s silhouette looms at the barrier of the doorway, and for a second his shadow strikes fear into your bones. He switches on the light before stepping into the room, a smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes no matter how hard he tried to plaster it there. Another expedition, another failure. “Your heart’s racing.”

He frowns at your retreating figure as you unconsciously tried to make yourself smaller before realising what you were doing. This was Hobi, he wouldn’t hurt you, you loved him, so why were you so on edge? You shake away the embrace of dread, trying to calm yourself, it was just a weird dream, that was all. 

“Nightmare?” he asks tentatively, sitting beside you but not reaching out to touch you just yet. 

You nod in reply, unable to trust the sound of your voice until you got a hold of yourself. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” But you’re shaking your head before he even finishes the question. 

Something was wrong with his presence, something lingering in the air between you both where it shouldn’t. Doubt, it seeped its way into your mind as you studied him. It was almost as if he was forcing himself to be here, to be with you… and it eerily gave you de ja vu to earlier in the day, when Yoongi took you to the kitchen to eat, you had just been so wrapped up in your own trip down memory lane to realise it until now. You hadn’t seen him since, and something told you he wasn’t in the library where you suspected the others were. Something also told you, Hobi wasn’t about to let you check. 

“Where is everyone?” You ask. 

“In the library sweetheart,” he reassures you, but Hoseok couldn’t lie very well, his smile always gave him away when it stretched unnaturally. “They thought you were sleeping.”

“Even Yoongi?” you force the words out, a small burst of adrenaline making your heart work faster in anticipation, as if you were so close to the answer.

“He’s out looking for the phoenix sweetheart, he’ll be back in a few days,” he mumbles, climbing into the bed next to you as if he were tired. The importance of lying to you was to do it with sprinkles of the truth. His arms wrap around you, pulling you to lie down with your head on his chest, his chin on the top of your head to stop you glancing at him. Hoseok was deflated, he was depressed and he was struggling to hide it from you.

“The phoenix?” You weren’t surprised something like that existed, you just didn’t understand why that particular being, or why he left without saying anything. 

“They have healing tears,” he explained, “Namjoon thought it would be a good idea if we had a few drops in stock for when… you’re not well.”

“Okay.” It seemed reasonable enough, you couldn’t detect a lie in his voice, but his words seemed shallow, like you could only see skin deep, you couldn’t hear what he was hiding. 

“Get some sleep sweetheart, I’m right here,” he strokes your arm, trying to lull you to rest but your gut tells you not to listen to him.

“I’m not tired,” you say, pushing up against his chest to sit upright again. “I miss you guys, why don’t I help with the research?”

You made your offer with a smile, but something cold washed over his eyes, a flicker of panic, annoyance, you couldn’t decipher it.

“You’ll only distract them Y/n,” he sounds off, you never heard him say something so bluntly before. 

“I thought we said we weren’t going to sacrifice the time we have,” you try not to sound as hurt as you feel, you know it wasn’t the best way to spend time together, truth be told you were sick of all the research, but you needed to see them with your own eyes. You wouldn’t feel at peace until you did.

He sighs deeply, closing his eyes, running his hand through his hair as he tells himself to breathe. You frown, you could feel your body want to move towards the door, something inside of you pushing you desperately. You give in to the force, moving off the bed as his eyes snap to you like a predator. 

“Sweetheart you can help them tomorrow,” he says, grabbing your hand to stop you moving. You watch him, but something about his gaze felt strangely hypnotic, a warning in them not to move. “Spend some time with me.”

“We can all spend some time together,” you breathe, gulping down the sudden unease you could feel in your throat. There’s that flicker in his eyes again. He felt like a stranger, like someone was wearing his skin. In a flash it’s gone, he smiles again as if nothing were wrong.

“Okay stubborn human,” he chuckles but it sounds empty. He wanted his brothers to advance in their real agenda where he failed, taking you there would be a set back. He would have to warn them to hide the books on immortality when you got close, but hopefully someone would hear you were coming. Hopefully you wouldn’t notice Namjoon’s absence.

Neither of you move, you both just stare at each other in silence for a second that feels like a lifetime, caught in your own disarraying thoughts.

“Hobi,” you can’t take it, your insides felt messed up, like you were tearing down the middle, tugged in different directions, unable to make sense of anything at all. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine sweetheart,” but it sounds like a lie. It looks like a lie, he struggles to keep that smile on his face, looking away from you down to the fabric of the sheets. 

He lets go of your hand but you grasp it, squeezing it gently to tell him you didn’t believe him. 

“Hoseok,” you coax gently, feeling so close to the truth. 

His eyes water when they meet your gaze, his bottom lip trembling so hard you leap to embrace him, holding his head in your neck before he has the chance to cry.

“I’m not fine,” he chokes, sniffling as he shakes in your hug. “You nearly died in front of us, how are any of us fine?”

The guilt that came with his words wrenched painfully through your chest, unable to utter a single word to comfort him. He had seen you nearly die before and he got past it, it took some time but he did. You just prayed hard they could all do it again, but this time was different, you knew that. 

--------------------------------------------------------

taglist : @nlost21 @pb-n-juju @needyomnivore @lvpersona @marvelfamily3000 @love2lovesworld @halesandy @dreamamubarak @deepseavibez @mikymouse0729 @barnesrogerslover @itismochirice @mwitsmejk @minswife4life @taejichafe @girlinthemikrokosmos @fangirl125reader @rjsmochii @unicornbabylover @chatsgotmytongue @aclp-jb1d @loner0907 @seagulljk @swga-ficrecs @ipurpleyous-things @hunnibxbe @motivatedprocastinator @bigdickdaddysatan @yiyi4657 @danietoww04 @agustdjoon @perrryyysblog @potaetopic @natherondalelightwood @galacteas @dovejoon @notsooperfect @tinyoonsblog @gingerspicetalks @skattwang @angryperfectionpersona @happycandynoelle @asteria33 @pinkcherrybombs @kookstempo @thisisnotangel @pink-sugar-devil @toriluvsfics @ohnomywenis @gaemkyuu @topthis808 @mooncuddler

C E N T E R  HOSEOK

yoongi not being fazed by taehyung 

“it does occur to me that it might never be perfect, but I want to make it feel perfect at least on that stage. that is J-Hope. that is BTS.”

he’s so cool <3 [cr. namuspromised]