May I Kindly Suggest V And An Oblivious Reader?? Like, Imagine How Funny It Could Be Paired W Their Incel

May I kindly suggest V and an oblivious reader?? Like, imagine how funny it could be paired w their incel personality

V: haha wow babe I can't believe we've been dating for three months

Y/n: wait we've been what

V: wE LITERALLY HELD HANDS TEN MINUTES AGO

Your roommate has been in a really good mood lately. They went from screaming matches with their monitor at night to sleeping soundly on your bedroom floor. They approached you each morning and actively spoke to you rather than watching you from around the corner; trying their hand at making you breakfast after you brought them takeout the night prior. You're happy for the change, but it does make you wonder.

V knocks on your door. "Hey, babe. You ready to head out?"

"Babe??"

"Sure it's only been two weeks since we started dating, but I thought that'd be cool by now."

"We're dating?"

Now it's their turn to be confused. V chuckles nervously. "Uh- yeah. What else does "I like and want to spend the rest of my life with you" mean?"

"Oh you meant in a romantic sorta way. It's funny cause a bunch of spam accounts that followed me were saying the same thing."

"If you mean it in any other way, I'm throwing myself out that window immediately."

*hic* *hic* G-godfather Ghost

He’s in the middle of the checkout line when the phone in his pocket buzzes. He ignores it at first, but a glance towards the fifteen year old employee lazily scanning the items of the first of five in line, him being the sixth, tells him it won’t be any time soon before he’s there. He checks his phone, eyes widening when he sees, “SOS” written across the screen. And from Price’s wife no doubt. Three jars of pickles shatter on the floor along with a bag of chips and a pack of ground beef, and he sprints for the exit, car keys already in his hand as he prays nothing is wrong with her.

It’s about twenty minutes before he gets to Price’s flat and pulls into the driveway, already scanning for any signs of struggle or attack. There are none visible so far and he grabs the glock he has in the glove compartment for emergencies before he gets out and runs for the door, banging on it. Footsteps sound behind it followed by a baby’s cry and the door pulls open to reveal Price’s dearest wife, disheveled in dirty clothes and tangled hair (he’s like eighty-seven percent sure there’s baby vomit in it), with swelling tears in her own eyes as she holds a screaming eighteen-month-old.

She takes one look at him before breaking down much like her son, blubbering loudly, “I can’t get JJ to stop crying, Simon.” Tears are streaming down her face as she cries, “I’ve tried everything to get him to stop. I’ve tried feeding, burping, napping, changing his diaper, everything. He just won’t stop.” She reaches out with her free hand to him. “Simon, please, I can’t stop him from crying. Help me.”

SOS, indeed, he thinks and immediately puts the safety on his gun, putting it on the side table as he steps inside, takes the baby, and closes the door behind him. JJ stops crying as soon as Simon starts hushing him and muttering, “Giving your mum trouble, ay? What are we gonna do about you, Banshee?”

JJ’s cries subside as he coos at the masked man and she starts crying harder. “How’d you do that?” she bawls. “Oh God, I’m a horrible mum. I can’t stop him from crying ever. Only Jonathan can. He never cries when Jonathan is here. Only when I’m with him.” she’s almost inconsolable, rubbing harshly at her eyes as she blubbers, “He hates me. My babe hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Simon sighs and gently takes her in his free arm, putting his chin on her head to calm her more; he rubs her back. “It’s okay, mum” he murmurs. “Newborns aren’t easy. Gotta take it in stride.” He looks at her. “Why didn’t you call Price?”

“Because he’s so busy,” she cries into his black sweatshirt. “He’s so good with him when he’s home and I know when he goes into work, he’s busy and I don’t wanna disturb him.”

“He’s JJ’s dad. Besides, don’t lump the old man in with other men. He’s a good one.” Simon pulls back, free hand wiping her tears. “I’ve gotta treat you like Soap, don’t I?” she only looks at him as his fingers brush her under eyes. “Go eat and shower. I’ll take care of JJ for you.”

She quietly nods, lips pulled in a upside down “U” before she leaves, disappearing into the kitchen. He starts bouncing JJ lightly, talking to him. “Bub, you gotta stop being a banshee to your mum. You’re gonna drive her crazy. And if you drive her crazy, your dad is gonna go crazy and then I’m gonna go crazy.” JJ just laughs and tugs at the strings of his sweatshirt before seeing if they’re edible.

Simon walks to the kitchen and watches as she stands in front of the refrigerator and shoves food into her mouth. He almost laughs, almost, as the memory of a drunk Soap shoving roast beef out of the pack and into his mouth comes to mind. Still though, he watches as she eats until she’s no longer hungry, then bypasses him and goes to her bedroom. The shower starts after a while. It’s almost two hours before she comes out and peeks her head from the doorway.

Simon is there with JJ, playing with a stuffed action figure Gaz had gotten him when he was born, making up stories about himself taking out enemies. JJ is enjoying it, giggling along and she smiles sadly before closing the door.

***

Price gets home around seven-thirty and when he sees Ghost’s car in his drive, he’s confused and a little concerned as he walks through the front door. Setting his things down, he walks around the corner into the den and Simon is there on his couch watching some show about ancient warriors and weapons, JJ drooling onto his sweatshirt.

“Simon?” he calls, and the man lifts the remote in a greeting. “Where’s—”

“Bed. Asleep,” he interrupts. “Been asleep since two.”

Price walks into the bedroom and sees her curled up on his side of the bed, clutching his pillow; he smiles at the sight and closes the door, walking back into the den. “How long have you been here, Simon?”

“Since eleven-forty-five.” He rubs JJ’s back. “Little guy’s been driving her crazy. Crying on her.”

“Shite,” Price curses. “She kept saying everything was fine.”

“Oh no, she’s lying. Thinks she’s a bad mum ‘cause he cries so much with her.” He looks over. “I think he just likes us soldiers, yeah?”

The old man sits beside down on the floor and gently runs a hand through the brown hair on his son’s head. “Yeah, never cries when I take him in.”

“You want me to take him for a few days so she can rest?” Simon offers. “Me and the Banshee will have a good time.”

“I don’t think she’d mind that. Well, she might. She’s awfully protective of the lad.”

“Of course. It’s her babe.” Simon inhales and exhales. “Give me a blanket, yeah? May as well stay the night.” Price nods and rises, handing him a blanket before reaching for JJ and Simon swats at him. “Hands off my godson.”

“He’s my kid,” Price argues and Simon glares at him.

“And I’m holding him. Try tomorrow if you can pry him from me.”

Price rolls his eyes but raises his hands in defeat, content to kiss JJ’s head and, “I love you, son,” before he squeezes Simon’s arm and disappears into the bedroom to cuddle his wife and sleep peacefully.

“You’re safer here with me...”

Yan!dad Steve Rogers

Words: 1,554

Warnings: Kidnapping, (Don’t read if you’re uncomfortable with it.)

Keep reading

Ngl I'll shoot Graves on sight 🔫😤

Teeth and Skin 1

Ghost and Soap: *show up*

Rodolfo: Can I shoot them?

Alejandro: No.

--

Roach: *appears*

Rodolfo: Can I shoot him?

Alejandro: No.

--

Price and Gaz: *show up*

Rodolfo: Can I shoot them??

Alejandro: No.

--

Graves: *breathes*

Alejandro: Shoot him.

Your honor, this is why Crewel has fully custody

In which Crowley takes (Y/n) on a trip to the nearby mall, intending to buy her whatever she wants to prove that he's an amazing father — even better than Crewel!

Yet, one second of distraction is all it takes for him to lose her inside the gigantic mall. So, with the sad thought of having lost the school's therapist, he returns to NRC to explain his ultimate failure.

Request by @poisonapplenecklace.

"This is so nice of you, Headmaster!"

Your eyes were wide in wonder as they gazed from store to store, the mall you just had ventured into harbouring hundreds of stores of different kinds and purposes. Crowley had a giant smile on his lips, always making sure that a hand of his rested on your shoulder — like a proud father.

"I know!" he exclaimed as he waved his hands around, which served to make you laugh in amusement. Extending his arms from his torso, the headmaster pointed at all the store windows showing off their products. "Today you're free to buy yourself new clothes and whatever it is that you younglings need. For I am generous, yes yes."

Your eyes were watering with how grateful you were for this shopping spree. "Ah, I appreciate this so much..." you muttered, almost close to crying with how happy you were. The era of rags that Crowley had given you to wear and the used school uniforms were coming to an end!

Crowley hummed ambiguously as he led you further into the crowded mall, always making sure you never left his sight like the watchful father bird he was. His chest swelled with pride, and he couldn't help but peer down at you haughtily. "Yes! I'm much nicer than Divus, am I not?" he asked, his words drawled and loud. You hummed half-heartedly, not wanting to hurt his feelings since he was putting so much effort into impressing you. He immediately broke out into a little winning dance at your confirmation. "One point for me! Ah, what good progress I'm doing on winning back my father rights."

Not minding his little celebration, you hustled over to the store window on your right, the beautifully crafted bags sticking right into your eyes. Jaw having fallen down and your palms pressed flat against the cold glass of the window, you chimed, "Look at the newest bags!"

Crowley curiously trailed after you and eventually arrived beside you, finding that glimmer in your eyes utterly adorable. He tried to get a closer look, but the beak of his mask collided with the glass and threw him back. Afterwards, stroking his chin like he always did, he let out a series of hums. "Oh, yes... they are quite pretty." A devious grin appeared on his lips. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he pulled you closer to him. "Especially that (F/c) one, don't you think? I think it would suit you very well."

Surprised, your eyes widened in disbelief. "But it's so expensive—"

Crowley, feeling so generous today, waved off your concerns with a flick of his wrist, chirping, "Ah, it can't be that bad!" Upon realising that the doubt on your face wouldn't go away, he craned his neck, so that he could see the price of the accessory with his own eyes. Letting out a loud shriek, he immediately jumped away from you in horror at how many Madol it cost. "By the Great Seven!" he wailed, disbelief written all over his face. "How can they charge so much for a simple bag—"

You hummed, a knowing look on your face. "You don't have to buy it—" you tried to reason, but the sadness occupying your face made Crowley do the exact opposite.

"I-I... I'll buy it nonetheless!" he yelled out with determination in his voice while dragging you into the store by your wrist. Although a smile graced his lips, he looked absolutely pained to think how much lighter his pockets would be once he had bought you this stupidly expensive bag. Yet, he just wanted you to spoil you once — just once! "I am your ever so generous father, after all!"

You dug your heels into the floor and tried to get him to stop, but your headmaster was surprisingly strong. "No. I don't want it to be my fault that there's less school money to be spent on the track field!" you protested when he grabbed the bag and marched to the cash register.

Every step he took was hard for him, his hands beginning to sweat with every metre he came closer to the register. "F-For I am generous. For I am generous," he pressed out through clenched teeth, his hand holding your wrist shaking in utter anxiety. But he continued on his quest, slamming the bag down onto the counter and reluctantly handing over the needed amount of money. "For I am generous. For I am generous—!"

Once the transaction was done, he grabbed the bag and threw it at you as if it was cursed. You stumbled back and tightened your arms around your newest possession. Your eyes were ripped wide open in horror; were you dreaming or was Crowley being genuinely generous for once? Choking on your spit, you cried out, "Woah, thank you, Headmaster!"

Crowley looked like just had ran a marathon with how visibly he was shaking and panting in exhaustion. "For I am generous..." he wailed as he eyed the bag of Madol still sitting on the counter of the store. Yet, he was quickly distracted when you slung the bag over your shoulder and instead wrapped your arms around his mid-section, wishing to show your gratitude for him. A satisfied smile appeared on his face, and the feeling of having wasted money disappeared from his mind as he saw you so happy. "Ah yes, spending so much Madol surely was worth it..."

Satisfied with today's results, you asked, "So, do we go home now?"

"No no!" Crowley bellowed, which caught you off-guard — did his generosity know no bounds today? Today sure was a strange day if he was so willing to go overboard for you. A big grin on his lips, he led you out of the bag store and deeper into the mall. "I still have to buy you more clothes! Specifically one item more than Divus bought you."

Your eyes wandered around the place as you paid his jealous rambling no mind. Eventually, your gaze fell to another store window that caught your interest — tophats like those your headmaster wore. Squealing, you exclaimed, "Oh look! The hats in that store window sure look good." You grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the store in question, your other free hand pointing at the hat you had your eyes set on. "I think this one especially would suit you, sir."

Crowley clutched his heart in happiness. "Really?! You think so?" he asked, his voice breaking slightly at the end. With a heavy heart, he tore his gaze away from the store window to hand you the heavy pouch of Madol he had intended to give to you ever since entering the mall. "Oh and before I forget, here's Madol for you to spend whatever you want on— my courtesy of course!" He placed the pouch into your hands, and its sheer weight almost made you tumble to the floor.

Your eyes were wide while you did your best to heave all the money into the bag he just bought you. "Really? Thank you, sir!" you exclaimed, smiling in amusement when you noticed how he had his eyes glued to the hat in the store window. "You're generous for real!"

Crowley let out a distant hum as he pressed his gloved palms against the glass of the display, his golden eyes sparkling brightly. "That hat sure does look good..." he muttered, all his attention focused on the accessory.

You decided to wait for him to pry himself off the window again, but were distracted when you noticed a little ice cream stall in the far distance, shrouded behind a thick crowd of people. Licking your lips, your legs automatically carried you towards the stall. "Oh— ice cream!" you whispered to yourself in utter excitement, disappearing into the crowd of people.

After approximately ten minutes, Crowley tore his gaze away from the hat in search for you. At first, he didn't notice that you were gone, and he instead pointed to the smaller version of the very same hat he intended to buy. "Say, (Y/n), how about I get you a hat like mine and we could twin—" he asked, but stopped immediately upon realising that he was talking to nothing but air. A sharp gasp escaped his lips as his frantic eyes searched the area for you. "(Y/n)? (Y/n)?! Where are you!"

In his frantic panic of trying to find you, he bumped into an old lady walking out of the adjacent store. Crowley immediately grabbed her by her shoulders to shake her back and forth. "Excuse me, ma'am!" he screamed out hurriedly. "I lost my baby!"

"U-Uh—" The old woman let out a frightened shriek when Crowley finally let go of her but instead broke out into tears and loud wailing. "Go ask security?"

He immediately stopped his sobbing and shot her a bright smile. "Amazing idea!" Running off to the nearest security guard, he grabbed onto him by his sleeve and yelled out, "Security! I lost my little daughter!"

Promptly, an announcement was made, the voice of a male echoing through the speakers planted at every corner of the mall. "A little girl by the name of (Y/n) (L/n) with (H/c) hair and (E/c) eyes has recently gone missing. If you find her, please return her to her panicking father, Dire Crowley," the announcer said; in the background, frantic yelling and crying by a certain headmaster could be heard.

Nodding along to the music that you were hearing through the pair of headphones you were testing out in this electronics store right now, you completely missed the whole announcement. "Hmm— yes! These headphones are amazing!" you muttered as you pulled them off to eye them with greedy eyes. Yet, you knew that you should set your priorities differently. Sighing, you placed the headphones back on their original display. "But I should probably spend these Madol on clothes instead..."

•••

It was evening when Crowley returned to NRC — alone. He felt guilt flooding his veins when he noticed that a large hoard of students and even some teachers were standing inside the Mirror Chamber, all of them waiting for you to return from your little trip with the headmaster. Most of them probably needed you to solve some of their problem — like Grim, whose tie hung loose and needed to be fixed.

Crowley sighed and raised his hands, which immediately stopped all the muttering inside the chamber. "I have a big announcement to make, residents of NRC," he said, his voice strong although he found it hard not to break down in tears right now. So, taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes to not have to see their reactions. "I have lost (Y/n) at the mall!"

Crewel was the first to speak up, his voice cutting through the deafening silence. "You lost my pup?!" he barked, angered to oblivion. "This is another level of irresponsibility, Dire..."

Grim had to be held back by Ace and Deuce, so that he wouldn't scratch Crowley's eyes out. "You can't just lose my henchman!" Grim screamed out, his eyes vicious and his claws ready to tear a throat out.

Trein clicked his tongue, equally as disappointed in his boss as Crewel was — although the older professor seemed more calm than his colleague. "He for real managed to lose the school therapist..." Trein muttered under his breath, and Lucius, who sat in his arms, purred in agreement, also judging the incompetent crow of a headmaster.

Crowley let out a serious of sobs as the judgement of the students and teachers came crashing down upon him, all of them yelling at him for being this irresponsible. "I am utterly sorry..." he exclaimed as he lowered his gaze and clasped his hands together, begging for their forgiveness. "Let us have a quiet moment to mourn her loss..."

The others grew silent, realising that they should take up his offer. So, in a moment of utter quietness, they mourned for your loss — Grim's sobs being the only thing that here and there disturbed the utter tranquility.

The silence was broken when the sound of someone stepping through the mirror filled the chamber. "Hey, Headmaster," you said, the heavy bags in your arms loudly colliding with one another. Setting them all down, you put your hands onto your hips. "Why did you leave without me?"

Crowley gasped and immediately turned his head towards you. "(Y/n)!" he cried out in utter happiness as he immediately dashed over to you and pulled you into his arms, sobbing into your hair.

Defeaning cheering filled your ears, and you thrashed around in the headmaster's arms in an attempt to figure out what was happening. Finally, Crowley let go of you to wipe his eyes, allowing you to gaze at the crowd of students and teachers that seemed relieved to no end. You furrowed your eyebrows, especially when Grim tried to wrestle his way out of Jack's arms, so that he could storm over to you. "Why are you guys looking at me like I returned from the dead—"

"By the heavens! You're not gone, after all! I'm not a bad father crow, after all!" Crowley cut in, tightly wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "You gave me a good scare, my darling daughter... Don't ever run off like that again!"

Still confused, you quirked your eyebrow at him. "O—kay, sure. Just... please... Please stop squeezing me this hard..."

I was thinking, so before sebastian’s heat actually kicks in his bird side (since he’s a crow demon) will start to be more noticeable. Like when he’s doing his chores he’ll find like a shiny thing and take it to his room. So if you go into his room before his heat there are a lot of shiny things just sitting there.

Yess, ok honestly I think he’d make a lil nest in his room AND your room bc he wants two nest incase you have a large clutch this season (he completely forgets humans don’t lay eggs) and he sings to you on an almost daily basis.

Crows mate for life, making him extra protective of you when his mind is clouded in his pre-heat state.

Sebastian (preheat/inhuman behavior, slight implication of breeding)

-

You had a long day and wanted to sleep, but your bed was COVERED in blankets, pillows, feathers and…fur? You looked closer to see there were ‘fluffy’ clothes on your bed too. Your bed had none of these on it when you woke up this morning and there’s only one person who has access to your room!

“Sebastian!”

You shouted, intentionally sounding more upset than you actually were to get him to hurry to your side. Unsurprisingly he was standing beside you in a moment. “Yes Master? What’s wrong?” You gesture to the bed and Sebastian gives you a blank stare in response.

“Why is my bed covered in rubbish?” You huff out, walking over to your drawer, removing your necklace and rings, placing them ontop of the drawer, you weren’t gonna wear em to sleep. When you turned around, you saw Sebastian staring at the bed, looking a little offended by your remark.

“It’s not rubbish, it’s to soften the nest. It also helps retain heat so the eggs won’t get cold.” Sebastian says, turning back to you with a smile. You scowl back at him.

“Nest? Eggs??? What the hell are you talking about? Are you planning on getting chickens? Why would we keep them in my bed?” You shove the ‘rubbish’ off your bed and get onto it. “We are not turning my bed into an incubator!”

When you looked back to Sebastian, he’s glaring at the spot on the floor where you shoved his ‘nest’. He looks back to you with a crestfallen look. “They aren’t pets, they’d be our children…” You give him a confused look. You hear a low growl escape him when you start to pull apart the ‘nest’ on the floor. You feel an arm wrap around your waist and you’re pulled off of your own bed.

Before you can protest you’re placed in a chair and Sebastian is re organizing the nest, this time putting it on the edge of your bed. Sebastian turns to you, picking you backup and tucking you into your bed. You had enough room to sleep with the ‘nest’ in your bed, but it was less than comfortable.

Fuck it, you’ll sleep somewhere else tonight. Why not the couch? Haven’t slept there in a while, maybe it’s comfier than you remember?

You got up, walking back to your drawer, not taking your eyes off Sebastian. You go to grab your necklace from the drawer, but you felt nothing when your hand landed on the drawer. You look away from Sebastian to see that the jewelry you had half hazardly left on your drawer was gone…

“Sebastian.” You glared at him. “Where is my jewelry?” Sebastian huffed as if he was annoyed. “What are you upset about? It’s my jewelry!” You hiss at him, turning to face him only to see he’s five feet from your face.

“Oh Master…I apologize I grabbed it when I walked in here.” He holds out his hand, delicately handing it to you. “It was just so tempting to take it, my bad.”

You grabbed it from him and paused, staring up at Sebastian. “What the actual hell is wrong with you? You’ve never done this shit before but now you feel the need to act up?”

Sebastian gave you an innocent smile, lowering his head a bit. “But where will we keep our eggs if we don’t keep them here? We can protect them better here.” He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you towards the bed.

You hiss at him. “I don’t know what you are talking about! Eggs go in the fridge, we,” You gesture between the two of you. “Don’t, and won’t have any eggs, understand?”

He looks surprised by your response and grumbles out something before speaking to you again. “But…it’s the best time to have them, besides-“ He pauses , shaking his head. “Oh that’s right, humans don’t go into heat, it’ll just be me…”